toralevehag

[toralevehag]

Hallelujahmoment! Or? Surrounding with mountains and exploring mother nature and all advantages. The only disadvantage is that it doesn´t include my family and friends. Same same but different - exploring as always but with my family on the other side of the planet... 

[toralevehag]

Always a happy face when skiing, no matter where I am, in which country or which slopes. Big different though - my family is not in the same continent as me. Same same but different. 

[toralevehag]

No matter where I am or if I found more than one place to call home - Home is always where your heart is. I just want to split it in two pieces... </3 

[toralevehag]

That feeling of going away - leaving something behind and heading somewhere new. A happy feeling of having an adventure around the corner, but at the same time the feeling of sadness leaving all your beloved persons back home. I love travelling but it is always the same - same feeling of happiness over what´s coming and sadness over leaving, different places though. Same same but different. 

[toralevehag]

Same same but different

It´s like you have the best of two worlds. Two countries. Two cities. Two apartments. Two places you both call home and feels like home. Home is where the heart is, they say. But what if you feel that your heart is equally splitted in two pieces, two places. Eight month ago I could never imagine myself ending up in this splitted situation with these mixed feelings. Eight month ago I was at the airport in Sweden and about tho take my first step outside Europe. Canada, it felt like a place located on an other planet. The reality of moving to another country, another city and destination far, far away on the other side of the planet hadn´t hit me back then. When I entered the plane on that sunny day in late august last year – the 28:th of august to be exact, I felt like I was going for a season to work. I have done seasons in different countries over the past five years so that is a normal feeling for me. As normal as it can be to leave my beloved family and friends back home and move to a new country with a one-way flightticket only. The different from entering these flights comparing to the one taking me to Northamerica and Canada is that this time I was going to end up as far away from the people I love the most that I ever been from them. I was also gonna be away for the longest amount of time I ever been away from Sweden. The same thing was that I left with only a one-way ticket again. When I have left for seasons I´ve always known approximately how long I was supposed to be away for. It was the same situation know, but this time I was gonna study in a different country and adapt to the studentculture. Working with people from different cultures in countries where english isn´t the first language is a different thing from studying with native englishspeakers and deal with everything in english. I had to startover everything, writing a complete new book starting from the very first page. I didn´t know anyone when I moved over here, a situation I have been in before when I did my first season abroad. This time the difference was that I was gonna deal with a nine hours delay in timedifference to Sweden, meaning I can´t call them whenever I want during the days. To me that´s a big deal since I´m talking to my mom everyday, a deal that can make me feel like I´m the loneliest person in the world not being able to call my parents after a day in school. I could never imagine that this new ”Canadabook” I´m writing on would be about finding a second home.

Same same but different

[toralevehag]

Hate it. So much. I suck at farewells and I will never enjoy them. Time heals everything they say - but I will Always hate to say goodbye to my family and friends. No matter where I am going or for how long. Love and hate thing. 

[toralevehag]

Same same but different - Always a smile on my face when I´m travelling and exploring. Always a stitch in my heart for being far away from all my persons back home. Love and hate thing.

[toralevehag]

That feeling of walking away from something - heading to something new. Always on my way somewhere, always new places. Always with a exciting feeling, always a sad feeling of saying goodbye to everyone. Love and hate thing. 

[toralevehag]

I hate you Tora Levehag for leaving your friends and family back behind you - I love you Tora Levehag for leaving and exploring while following your heart. Always walking your own path - Always ending up somewhere new. Love and hate thing. 

[toralevehag]

Love and hate thing

You are doing something you love but you hate that you are doing it. Every single time I`m about to say goodbye to my family and friends I hate myself for doing it. For taking the decision to be away from them on indeterminate time. Almost every time I know in the rough how long I´m going to be away for but I always buy one-way tickets anyway. Cause you never know. You never know what´s gonna happen. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans, they say. When I´m away working away on season I haven´t all the time set the plans for what´s gonna happen with my life after. You never know exactly when you are gonna see your family and people back home again. You could get a job offer where you are, you could not. You could meet the one and stay, you could not. You can go back home, you could not. Every time I move to another place, another country I feel that I´m stealing myself away from my persons. The persons that I love the most – family and friends. When I decided to move to Canada my worst thought was that – What if I never will be able to see my parents again? You never know – you or someone else can face the death wherever, whenever. The stitch in the heart and risk I took when I moved to Canada was that I might not make it back in time if something all of a sudden happen. The distance was my biggest enemy when I entered that plane a sunny day in late august last year, the 28:th of august to be exactly. The distance to where my heart truly belongs. Eventhough I eight month later ended up finding Vancouver and my life in Canada feeling as home to me – it is as they say that home is where your heart is. And no matter where I´m gonna be or where my parents gonna be – my home and heart will always be with them. Moving to Canada gave me mixed feelings. I was so happy that I got in at UBC as an exchange student, but I didn´t want my parents to be so far away from me. I´m not afraid of changes and believe me, I truly love that I get to explore the world through my choices both in works and studying. But I also truly hate to leave my family and friends. I try to avoid farewells and try to make them fast and rip them off like a patch to avoid making the wound bigger than it is. I wish I could bring all my persons over here, so they can explore my experiences with me, so I don´t have to steal eight months from them. My parents say they get to live and experience through me, which I love. But I also hate they aren´t here – it´s a

love and hate thing.   

[toralevehag]

I am the most sad girl when I am away from my family and friends back home, spending time in my new home. Luckiest person and most sad person at the same time. 

[toralevehag]

I am the luckiest girl when leaving my family and friends back home, spending time in my new home with new friends. Luckiest person and most sad person at the same time. 

[toralevehag]

No matter where in the world I am - it´s always my family back in my first home I belong to the most, no matter which feelings I am feeling. Luckiest person and most sad person at the same time. 

[toralevehag]

A picture says more than one thousands worlds, one thousand feelings. My face of mixed feelings - being far away from family and friends in Sweden, being in my new home Canada. That feeling of leaving something good for something good. Luckiest and most sad person at the same time. 

[toralevehag]

Luckiest and most sad person at the same time

Mixed feelings deluxe. Eight months later and I feel that I have adapt myself into my new homecountry Canada. Never thought this could happen, that I would feel it both so hard to move back to Sweden again, as I feel so happy about it at the same time. I feel like I want to split myself in two equally sized pieces. Leave one in Canada and send one back home to Sweden. These eight months over here (as far away from everything I ever have combined with love) have been both the hardest and the best time in my life. Beside the feeling being away from my family that means the most to me I have had the time of my life. Canada really brought out the best in me and I´m so grateful for this opportunity. I feel that the time I have over here would have taken me like five years to grow the same back home. It´s something with a ”startover” with getting away from home. I love that feeling that you have the whole world in front of you if you just dare to open that door that´s open and take the jump. The jump out in the unknown – scary but exciting at the same time. I have been adapting to the places I have moved to before, but this time I moved was different. I have never felt so many feelings as I`m doing over here. Happy. Sad. Crying. Laughing. Anger. Regret. Lucky. All this could change in just a day, just an hour, just a second it feels like. I feel like I had my period and PMS for eight months in a row. And as a girl I must say having it every month is more than enough. Having the same feeling for almost a year is at least to say a lot. But my mom always says it´s good to feel things, stuff, emotions – everything. And to show them. If I would have hold them in during my exchangeyear over here I would have exploed. Literally. In a thousand pieces, not only in two that I want to split myself into. I so wish I could leave half me over here and let the other half walk on that plane on the 25:th of april. Almost exactly eight month later than stepping on that plane a sunny day in late august last year, the 28:th of august to be exactly. My life over here has been such a journey and I constantly felt I was riding a rollercoaster. I have been up, down and everything in between. Laughing, crying, enjoying and the feeling of wanna go back and continue at the same time. 25:th of april, feels like the Doomsday. Something big is gonna happen. I get goosebump of just the thought. The thought of going home, leaving a newly found home behind. I feel like the

luckiest and most sad person at the same time.