torn-mind

[torn-mind]

Chris Evans by Matthew Brookes for InStyle, 2016.

[torn-mind]

he’s strong. he’s fast. had a metal arm.

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survivcrsguilt​:

Ella listened to what the man said about the Winter Soldier, brows furrowed, because once again, this made no sense to her, but what else was new. “So there was danger to the Motherland yesterday?” What even was the Motherland? She had no idea, but judging by Vanya’s name and accent, she assumed he came from Russia, or somewhere in that corner of the world, so maybe that was the motherland to him. The only thing Ella was currently sure of, was the fact that they were in America. She had learned geography, but 99% of that was just a very theoretical concept to her. The world had been restricted to the base and these woods so far, so she couldn’t quite be sure about what else was out there. 

“No. I don’t need more food”, she dismissed his offer, mainly because she shouldn’t trust his attempts at feeding her. For all she knew, he could be trying to poison her, even though he was appearing to be quite harmless. Ella was starting to work up a theory about the whole Winter Soldier thing, but wasn’t sure enough yet to test it out. But maybe if she punched Vanya in the face, he’d turn back into the soldier? A ‘maybe’ wasn’t good enough to try it out though, so she wanted to observe a little longer. “Do you have any other friends like the Soldier? Or is he the only one who comes when you’re not there?” Something was definitely afoot here, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint it. But it was connected, that much Ella was sure of.

YESTERDAY? VANYA FROWNED. Yesterday, he had made delicious chicken potpie, and unless that had meant harm to Mother Russia, he couldn’t remember any danger for the motherland. But then this didn’t mean much. Vanya woke up sometimes, and it was days later, sometimes even weeks. He didn’t know what happened to his body in the meantime. Someone had to dress and feed it because he usually wore some sort of clothes (rather ugly ones, typically, all black and doing nothing for his wonderful thighs or butt) and didn’t feel overly hungry. He doubted that Soldat took care of that. He was the fighter, the warrior, the hatchet man. 

Actually, the little Baba Jaga made Vanya think about this whole problem of not having complete control of his body. He remembered a conversation with the girl in that African country, the one with the fabulously braided hair. She’d told him a story about a guy with lots of different souls in his body, and every soul got the opportunity to ‘be at the wheel’. The wheel had been the body. But what if Vanya had only thought she was telling him an African fairytale? What if this was all him? He frowned, looking back at the Baby Baba Jaga. “I not know,” he told her truthfully. “Soldat comes to be strong warrior for motherland.” He remembered another bit of conversation with the princess lady. “Sometimes sad white boy?” he added and it sounded like a question because he didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. Did Vanya have the soul of a little, depressed boy, too? “You met Soldat yesterday? How was he?” Naturally, Vanya never met the guy personally, and he was intrigued. He’d like to know him a little better.

[torn-mind]

wingedshield​:

VANYA.  IT  DIDN’T  RING  ANY  BELLS  BUT  at  least  Sam  had  a  name  to  call  this  version  of  Bucky.

Nodding  his  head,  Sam  turned  on  his  heel.  “Sure.  Walks  outside  are  always  nice.”  He  offered  a  grin,  going  to  find  a  warden,  checking  to  see  if  it  was  okay  to  allow  Bucky/Vanya  a  stroll  in  the  garden.  Wilson  would  be  sure  to  keep  a  careful  eye  on  the  guy,  to  make  sure  he  didn’t  sprint  off.

Summer  was  in  the  air,  sunlight  bright  and  warm.  A  soft  breeze  blew,  stroking  Sam’s  hand  and  cheek.  It  brought  a  smile  to  his  lips  as  they  casually  walked  down  one  of  the  gravel  paths  towards  a  man  made  pond.

“So,  Vanya,  why  are  you  here  in  this  place?”  Sam  asked,  carefully.

THE HANDLER DIDN’T SEEM TO MIND THE NAME-THING ONE BIT. Vanya was relieved; seemed like he’d gotten one of the nicer handlers again, which was high-fucking-time. He was sick of these men treating him like garbage even though he had never done anything wrong. He waited until the handler had talked to a white-clad person, then followed him out of the building and down the path, enjoying the fresh air and the lush green bushes and trees lining their way. 

There were water lilies on the pond and a little family of ducks swimming in lazy circles. Vanya, getting excited, got closer until the toes of his shoes almost touched the water. He crouched down and looked at them with a big smile almost splitting his face in two. He wished he had some bread to feed the ducks and the fish he could see near the shore. Then he remembered the handler’s earlier question and looked up to him. “Oh, um…” He didn’t want to appear rude. “You want me to live here.” It sounded a little like a question.

[torn-mind]

[torn-mind]

survivcrsguilt​:

ELLA WAS STILL SUSPICIOUS ABOUT VANYA, but judging by what he just told her, he seemed to understand the problem she faced much better than most other people. She, too, was used to being given orders and her life of autonomy was fairly new. Over the past several months, Ella got more comfortable around the idea of making decisions all by herself, but more often than not, she still longed to go back to the time when others made choices for her. All she could do now was work with what she had been taught and go from there, but out here in the wilderness, she mostly ran on instinct. Everything was different from her old life and although she didn’t necessarily want it back, some things had definitely been easier.

“My superiors always told me what to do as well. Sometimes that was a lot easier. Now I’m supposed to know all the answers, but I don’t. I’m only 12”, she told Vanya with a shrug, biting into her apple again. Granted, she definitely wasn’t like other children her age, but that was a disadvantage in many aspects. Her life experience and knowledge of the real world was limited and even though she was free now, her exposure to the outside was very limited. The woods didn’t teach her a lot in the area of social interactions and general normal living. “Thank you for the apple. I better get going, before the Winter Soldier takes over and finds me again”, she finally said, because she just didn’t trust him to STAY Vanya. Something was very wrong with this man, even though she couldn’t put her finger on it and he appeared to be friendly now. 

VANYA GOT THE SUSPICION THAT THIS WAS NOT A BABY BABA JAGA. Those didn’t have superiors. And could Baba Jagas even be 12 years old? All the fairytales and legends depicted them as old and wrinkled and with warts and humps. They probably came into existence by cursing an ugly frog or something like that, not with sex and pregnancy and giving birth to a baby. But this was a child, a cute one, too; unless the witch cast a spell to turn herself into a kid, of course. He couldn’t fathom why she would do that. To lure him into a trap? So she could beckon him to her little chicken-leg-hut and then eat him? Vanya worried at his lower lip, feeling insecure. The more he looked at her, the more he thought that he didn’t need to be afraid. Perhaps that was a mistake, but he had a soft heart, and he liked children a lot. If this kid needed help (and a child living in the woods all alone definitely did need help), he wanted to be of service.

“The Winter Soldier?” Vanya echoed, momentarily worried that someone would want to harm the girl physically. Then he remembered that the Soldier who sometimes took over Vanya’s body was called the Winter Soldier; Lukin had preferred a simple Soldat, Karpov called him Asset, Pierce used neither and contented himself with he or him. “No, no,” Vanya tried to reassure the girl. “Soldat not here. Soldat only comes when there is danger to the Motherland.” He frowned at his own words because, with Pierce, they hadn’t helped Mother Russia at all but the bad capitalists instead. “Soldat only comes when there is danger or harm. Not now. Now I’m here. You want more food?”

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ＢＵＣＫＹ ＢＡＲＮＥＳ ＋ ＤＩＳＰＬＡＹＳ ＯＦ SKILLS

throughout the falcon and the winter soldier series.

[torn-mind]

wingedshield​:

TRYING  TO  GET  A  GRAPPLE  ON  HIS  EMOTIONS,  Sam  growled  at  his  phone,  squeezing  the  device  before  slipping  it  back  in  his  pocket.  At  least  Steve  had  been  somewhat  forthcoming  with  the  intel  on  Bucky.  Maybe  he  should  go  an  ask  the  person  their  name,  and  see  who  the  Falcon  was  dealing  with  presently.  While  Sam  was  a  councilor,  this  went  a  bit  OUT  of  his  wheel  house.

Calming  his  breath  and  counting  to  three,  Sam  made  sure  his  features  held  a  NEUTRAL  expression  before  going  back  to  the  cafeteria.  Bucky  was  still  there,  thank  God.  At  least  he  wouldn’t  have  to  hunt  for  the  guy.  But  since  they  were  so  far  along  in  this  encounter,  it  would  be  weird  to  ask  his  name.

“Remind  me,”  Sam  said,  trying  to  keep  his  expression  calm.  “What  do  I  call  you?”  A  thick  brow  arched  upwards.  “And  now  that  you’ve  finished  lunch,  what  would  you  like  to  do?”

THE HANDLER CAME BACK, and Vanya smiled at him instantly. His face fell, though, when he was asked for his name. That was a tricky question. Some handlers didn’t like it when he had a name. He was supposed to be a tool, an ends to somebody’s means. Those handlers were usually rude, sometimes downright violent with him. This man here was polite and nice, so far. Maybe he was more like Lukin, who hadn’t minded the name part one bit, quite the contrary: He’d given Vanya some pet names, too. But hadn’t the handler already called him something? A strange word, a silly one, yet Vanya couldn’t remember it anymore...

Worrying on his lower lip, he got up to his feet. The handler was a little smaller than him, just an inch or two. “My name is Vanya. But you can say name you want,” he said in broken English, then hurried to add: “Weather is nice. Maybe stroll in park?” as if that would distract the handler from the whole name topic.

[torn-mind]

“You are free.”

THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER (2021)

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romcnovc​:

      “JUST LOOKING AT THE MIODOVNIK but never getting a bite.” Natalia nodded her head at the reply, a smirk still tugged upon her rosy lips. She then laughed softly at the surprised question, looking at Vanya with content, mischief but above all - HONESTY. “You’re hot.” The redhead pointed out “You’re my oldest friend.” She added as she took a step closer to the man and then tugged at the collar of the shirt he wore to make him bend down just the tiniest bit more “You’ve seen me take down men & spill blood - I think having sex won’t be the thing that could ruin our friendship.” Natalia finished before slowly leaning in to steal a small, playfull kiss from the man.

VANYA PUFFED UP AUTOMATICALLY when she praised his appearance. He knew that vanity was a bad trait, but he couldn’t help it. There was no harm in wanting to look good and attractive, right? In wanting to have a body someone’s eyes rested upon gladly and readily. He let himself be tucked down to her, breathing in her perfume. His eyes fell closed when her lips touched his, one hand coming up to rest on her waist. Vanya kept it close-mouthed and nearly coy (for his standards, anyway), and it wasn’t really different from kissing a man. Well, her skin was softer. There was no scratchy beard. When they parted, he stayed close, looking down at her and licking his lips. “Who knows,” he said, “maybe I’m really, really bad at hetero sex. Maybe I will ruin our friendship with the second-hand embarrassment you’ll feel after.”

[torn-mind]

#i love them your honor

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sentinelliberty​:

STEVE HAD HALF A MIND TO ASK THE OTHER who was on the short list. It tugged his lips upwards, wondering if Scott and Clint were on that list. But he refrained when the other asked for directions. “It’s been eerily quiet as far a missions,” Rogers mused. “We could go up to the tower and see if anything has pinged the radar. If not, we can spar.”

“WE CAN FIND A MISSION,” it pointed out with a frown as it followed Rogers out of the room, presumably to go check out the tower and find something to do. “I don’t care what it is about. I would even do undercover missions.” The Soldier’s face shifted into a grimace that said exactly how it felt about orders like that. It was not trained for espionage. That was something Brain handled, or the usually useless Vanya. “There hasn’t been a long-term mission in a while, too.”

[torn-mind]

survivcrsguilt​:

ELLA WAS VERY SURE THAT NOTHING WAS FINE about the soldier’s head. Something was VERY wrong about him and the explanation made absolutely no sense to a girl who had never learned about cases like him. She just understood that this was all very messed up, but that this…Vanya seemingly had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Maybe he was a clone? The 12 year old had a lot of questions, but understood that she wouldn’t get any answers from him. That was a case she would have to investigate later on, when he had disappeared. For the moment, they were equally suspicious of each other, but Ella still took the apple from him with a swift movement, because she was starving. The winter had been long and hard in the woods, with little to hunt and spring was only slowly approaching. She still struggled to hunt and there was nothing much edible growing in the woods yet. Fish in the river was her best bet at the moment, but she had to admit that catching them wasn’t one of her better skills.

When he asked about the woods, Ella shrugged slightly, while biting into the apple. “Most of the time”, she admitted, although it was probably time to move on from this place and find a better area to settle down. This part of the forest was definitely too highly frequented at the moment. “I ran away from a very bad place. I’m safer here.” She probably wasn’t, but at least it wasn’t Hydra. In case they were still somewhere out there, they hadn’t found her yet, which was a good sign. “Do you live over at the compound?” Ella nodded towards the path he had come from, all the while continuing to nibble on the apple. It tasted incredible, juicy and flavorful and much better than anything she had eaten in a long while. 

VANYA LOOKED AROUND AGAIN. He was kind of curious and really wanted to see the little hut with the chicken legs all Baba Yagas lived in. From a safe distance, of course, because he didn’t want her to pull him inside and then maybe eat him or cast a spell over him, that would turn him into a rat. When she told him about a very bad place she ran from, his gaze flickered back to her. He didn’t know what a Baba Yaga would consider a bad place, but maybe the other witches had been mean to her? Either way, he felt some sort of pity raising in his chest. He knew a thing or two about bad places, after all. 

With Lukin, it hadn't been so bad. Vanya visited ballet events and could listen to music and he was allowed to use the kitchen. The sex was mostly pleasant. Karpov had been terrible, though. Vanya remembered bloody noses, bruises, constant fear. Pierce had never laid a hand on him, but his words had been poison, his looks scornful, his orders gut-wrenching. Vanya dearly hoped a child didn't have to endure something like that, even if it was a baby Baba Yaga.

"I come from very bad place too," he told her. He didn't exactly run away; in fact, he couldn't really remember how he'd gotten away in the first place, but maybe the powerful Soldier had taken his body again and freed them. He looked back to where he could see the roof of the big building. "I sleep there. And eat there. Live there? I don't know. Everything is confused. Confusing," he corrects. "Handler always told me what to do. Now, nobody tells me what to do. Is that living?"

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* mini starter call

send a word for a starter. feel free to combine prompts.

‘ dial ’ for a phone call starter

‘ beep ’ for a texting starter

‘ silence ’ for a nonverbal starter

‘ sun ’ for a good morning starter

‘ moon ’ for a goodnight starter

‘ care ’ for a sick starter

‘ hurt ’ for an injured starter

‘ zzz ’ for a tired starter

‘ recovery ’ for a hospital starter

‘ heart ’ for a caring starter

‘ onion ’ for an angsty starter

‘ trouble ’ for a worrisome starter 

‘ boo ’ for a scared starter

‘ lull ’ for a comforting starter 

‘ balloon ’ for a happy starter

‘ rawr ’ for a silly starter

‘ grump ’ for a bad mood starter

[torn-mind]

“WATCHING WOULD BE LIKE asking someone how a chocolate cake tastes like. You’ll never really know if you don’t try a wedge,” Vanya pointed out. Also, watching was terribly boring. It might be a little better than porn videos because the act was right in front of you, but still. “You seriously wouldn’t mind?” he asked then. A lot of people were kind of uptight when it came to who they were having sex with. “I do not want to harm our friendship, Natashenka.”

👀 + would you show Vanya what the fuss about hetero sex is all about? NAT’S HONEST ANSWERS // ACCEPTING

      “IS THIS YOUR TWISTED WAY of telling me you wanna watch?” Natalia teased “Or do you wanna be the one who tries it with me?” The redhead playfully wiggled her eyebrows at her friend before letting out a soft chuckle and a shrug of her shoulders - they had seen so much WORSE of each other. Sex was not the most terrible thing “Sure, love, I wouldn’t mind.”  //  @torn-mind​

[torn-mind]

#this just in: globally feared assassin can’t lie for shit

[torn-mind]

BUCKY BARNES in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier