toroinouefan - Tumblr blog

[toroinouefan]

People talk a lot about reaching out but it’s so hard

I know I’m a burden I don’t want to admit it to myself…

[toroinouefan]

I’m hurting my family and it sucks

[toroinouefan]

I hope that one day I can be normal. And know that I am loved.

[toroinouefan]

It’s getting harder to sleep.

[toroinouefan]

is it so fucking wrong of me to want a response to a fucking text? we are literally in the same class and I get shes on do not disturb all the time but Jesus Christ you're always online wym you can't check a message

[toroinouefan]

writing a garbage essay feels like you’re the cow who gave birth to the two headed calf. in the morning, my professor will wrap him in newspaper and dissect him on a cold operating table. but here he is alive, under the pale glow of my computer screen. he is beautiful. there are twice as many logical fallacies as usual.

[toroinouefan]

I'll drink a coffee from most places, ill enjoy it, but nothing will beat the Keurig coffee my mom would make for me with sugar-free French vanilla creamer on the cold mornings before school.

she didn't have to get up at 5:40 in the morning with me, but she did. she made me coffee. she made sure I got to school safe... she could've used those hours for herself but instead she cared for me.

a coffee is so special to me.

[toroinouefan]

a coffee is so special to me.

[toroinouefan]

its interesting how my interest is seen as something weird and cringe meanwhile her interest is fine despite us acting the same way about it.

[toroinouefan]

I never asked to take care of her. you're putting this all on me and I never asked. I know she's yours but that shouldn't be my burden to carry. im sorry I fucked up but she isn't mine

[toroinouefan]

I dont like how the internet portrays a lot of issues... like we have to care about everything but not to a point where we are overwhelmed but if you dont care, if you dont reblog that post about a stranger that's starving or dying or going through something horrendous you're a POS but like... I can't spread myself so thing

[toroinouefan]

I think there's beauty in the world because my mom got really excited that I use the same makeup brand that she did back in the 90s

[toroinouefan]

the world is beautiful (<- was able to play a video game today)

[toroinouefan]

I think it would be beneficial for me to put a limiter on my TikTok. when was down to 1-2 hours a day I was at my happiest. Even if I was going to a different social media site, at least there I could lengthen my attention span.

[toroinouefan]

commentary YouTube is really a lawless land. I love it as much as the next person but I truly think the constant flow of content from certain creators is actually quite terrifying.

These people, the ones who consistently make content on a weekly/daily basis, make it their job to only be on the internet. its sad. we live in an age where we can see the effect being a youtuber on that grind. so many people have come out about how negatively its impacted them... so why do we, the consumers, let it happen? is it because of this era where we can no longer go without our devices?

Im criticizing this not because im an outsider looking onwards at this, but because I also find myself caught up in this. To do a simple chore like cleaning my room I can't just play music and go about my day. I feel the need to play a video, to constantly consume content. its tiring. its really, really tiring.

Even doing what I love (journalling) takes a lot out of me because im not used to making the content, but instead consuming it. Its not even a TV show! At least with a TV show its NEW content and not the same rehashed shit I've heard before. Why do I find this sort of thing so appealing? its all the same. and rn its all ms ukelele apology. like enough! you guys can stop. you don't have to do this. I get you want to make it big because that will get you views but please, god, this grind is nonstop.

[toroinouefan]

I think I just need somewhere to scroll and consume content. it sucks, though. it rots my brain. I know I need to get better because I love to create. I think if I stopped the endless scroll cycle I would be happier

[toroinouefan]

I miss him.

He’s still here, but the version of him that we knew has been gone for over 6 years now.