torontoisbullshit - Tumblr blog

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What the city that banned kite-flying does in the winter.

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Aw too bad, Toronto! But cheer up, it could be worse - you could have been the world's most alienating airport!

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Also the city that killed street food stalls, street hockey, and kite flying in parks.

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From the city that couldn't get street food permitting right and getting two garbage cans placed in a dog park takes a year (and the city calls it a "pilot program")

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Toronto: let's build a cool new urban park underneath an expressway! We'll call it "Underpass Park" or some shit! We'll invite local artists to paint murals and then we'll stick "no parking" and city bylaw signs over their artwork!

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What's that? The transit system that blamed a woman who was nearly murdered in their subway for the attack because she was traveling by herself didn't take an another woman's assault seriously? SHOCKED am I!

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In a city with 10,000 homeless people on the streets; where an average one-bedroom apartment costs $2400/month to rent - the leaders signed a secret deal with a sports company to force taxpayers to foot the bill for the (inevitable) cost overruns of a soccer tournament that they already are paying $290 million dollars to host!

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Toronto. Even in a zombie apocalypse, it's still one of the worst places you can be.

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Dogs aren't allowed to bark in Toronto parks. Are birds allowed to chirp in Toronto parks? Are bees allowed to buzz in Toronto parks? Are cats allowed to meow in Toronto parks? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK OUT OF THIS UPTIGHT CITY'S PARKS BYLAWS???

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Toronto Police Service: We need moar money to fight teh crime! MOAR MONEY!!! Toronto City Council: OK, here's $48 million moar! Toronto Police Service: (spends $337,000 making a fucking podcast about how great they are.)

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Duh.

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Not sure which is funnier here - the veracity of this columnist's list of complaints about Toronto or that he thinks the city's biggest problems are faded road paint and broken garbage cans.

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NEWS FLASH! STOP THE PRESSES! BREAKING: Torontonians are mean. The most prestigious newspaper in Canada's largest city pays a columnist to come up with op-eds like this.

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Hey Toronto - time to hit the beach!

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The “world-class city” that couldn’t even make the Top Five in the country.