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End of 2017 rant

At the end of 2015, Saturn, ruling planet of my ascendant, moved into Sagittarius as I stated a road/camping trip that would keep me traveling until the end of 2017, as an elder had told me in a dream once. I craved the freedom and experience this time brought me. I savored moments I could’ve never imagined and grew to understand how fleeting life is. It broke me open again and again to show me…

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Oops, forgot one.

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It had been a while since I've photographed for anyone but myself, but after having so much fun capturing this pup, I'm open for business. Let your freak flag fly high enough for the other freaks to find you! Thanks so much, Dyllan!!

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"I cover the waterfront."

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Steady packin Happy Satyrday #raw

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Rose

Rose and I had a complicated relationship. My parents pitted Rose against everyone else. They called her “evil” and were constantly fighting with and yelling at her. One of my earliest memories of Rose was watching the babysitter pull her from the window as she tried to run away. Rose was wearing a teal and white striped overall/t-shirt combo, bag packed for her new life. She used to tell this…

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Tumbleweeds

http://torosobrevivir.wordpress.com/2017/03/10/73

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I don't even think it's you I miss anymore, though watching you go was to see my soul splinter. It's the false promise of danger and safety your humbled eyes offered that has left me wandering. My fears..inhibitions falling into those black wells to be eaten alive..like I am now. I hate waking up with your face to color my sad thoughts..your lost mustache kissing my invisible wounds. The city has you, and I don't believe a soul can be owned, but you have parts of me, parts that still hope..and so does the city. I don't know why, when I wake with nothing on my mind but coffee and words, that you are there too, drinking your black coffee and stepping out for a cigarette. I wish I could smoke a Marlboro Red to jog my memories of you..taste those days and nights of pure existence. Longing like I'd never felt. Sadness like I'd only seen in a mirror..sadness I thought would recognize me. So, I have a third cup of the black tribute.

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I've uploaded some photos that go along with this post, they were shot in 2008, after Hurricane Ike. http://imgur.com/a/InlES My family lived fluctuating between luxuries and living in poverty. Dirt bikes and a track bulldozed through the woods for them, a monster truck for my father- complete with a ridiculous sound system, a TV in each bedroom, and being sent into the grocery store with almost enough cash for everything on the list, my 11 yr old brain trying to figure out what part of dinner to put back.

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Fourth

I am 4th of 13, born 2 days after the 4th of May, which is my grandmother’s birthday. She still tells me the story of how she walked around all day, up and down stairs with my mother, trying to induce labor so we could share a birthday. In order of age, oldest to youngest, there is Robert, Rose, Brandon, myself, Taylor, Garret, Avery, Amory, Emory, Creed, Cade, Asher, and Channing. Robert and…

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Hands

It doesn’t seem real, and maybe that’s the years of numbing, but it will never feel natural to have cut communication with my parents. I still see my mother’s hands writing a grocery list, organized by the different departments of the store. Blue ink creating little 3-D boxes in the margins while she thought and planned hearty meals of boneless fried chicken, mashed potatoes, chicken gumbo,…

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Friends in Black

Thanks for taking the time to peek into my story! I'll be posting more frequently, so keep an eye out. Until Friday, I'll leave you with Friends in Black.

I spent nights with my stomach in knots, crying and begging god to take away my “affliction”. The following days, I would act like nothing was wrong. I confided in no one. I wouldn’t accept that I was even possibly bisexual until two years later when I realized that all the prayer and tears brought nothing but more of the same. Parts of me were begging to be released into what felt natural. I had…

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Role Models

Let’s dive in, shall we? If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ve had a glimpse of what a day in the life of my childhood was like. In this writing, I hope to give you a more encompassing view of the environment I lost and found myself in. My father used to say that I focus on the gay part of my life too much and he would infer my “fixation” as the reason why I can’t seem to have any kind of…

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Expect more soon.

I can and have plotted out my life so far. I drew a time-line, scribbles of notes everywhere, taking account of the moments I can’t forget. When I start thinking about my journey, it all hits me at once- the pain/love/peace/torture/bliss.. If it’s on paper, freshly drained from my fingers, I can see that this moment led into that one and so on..but organizing memories is essentially trying to…

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Last days in Houston

All of a sudden, time slows and speeds up at once. The details of the days become important, your eyes make contact with those you love, those who understand and accept parts of you that no-one else knows, and your eyes cry..knowing it'll be too long before it happens again..because any time void of those pieces feels forced and severed.

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Merry Christmas