toruden

[toruden]

"I can change him" bitch why, hes the perfect menace to society and i love that

[toruden]

(Across the Spider-Verse spoiler)

[toruden]

i saw across the spiderverse last night and my life will never be the same again

[toruden]

Miguel’s beef w a 15 year old was wild lmao

[toruden]

i was drawing something serious for this beautiful movie and then i immediately was struck with inspiration for something stupid.

[toruden]

seeing miguel's dumptruck on the big screen changed the trajectory of my life

that ass was its own character in the movie

[toruden]

i need his dick down my throat

[toruden]

tighnari pits ur dates for u and makes sure u get the ones that are dried out instead of overly sticky and squishy and he makes you swallow a spoonful of honey when ur sick and he burns incense to cleanse his space and he wears gold jewelry only (he makes exceptions for traditional jewelry) and he makes loose leaf tea in the evenings and he carrie’s candies in his pocket for little kids he happens by and he walks around in a thobe at home and he has a 🧿 keychain attached to his vision and he has tons of 🪬 hanging up on his wall at home and he eats with his hands and he LOVEEESSSS couscous and and and *explodes*

[toruden]

TORUDEN's Masterlist

Jujutsu kaisen

nothing yet

Chainsaw man

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Bungo stray dogs-

fyodor ~

"Please don't cry."

Tokyo revengers

nothing yet

[toruden]

"Please don't cry."

warnings- shootings, angst, and familial death (parents and younger sibling), gn reader

wc- 2.3k

a/n- Ok, I'm gonna just say I've never written a fic before in my life so, beware.

“Hi, Fyo.” Usually you said that nickname with a cheery tone, not today though. You found out your best friend of almost 20 years was connected to the biggest string of murders according to your agency. 

“Hey, N/n. What’s up?” He knew what was up, and fuck how he dreaded this moment from the first murder. You were crowned the best detective in your agency, he knew you would find out one day. 

The look in your eyes when he said that caused his entire body to flood with guilt. He knew you didn’t want to do this, but he also knew you wanted justice. 

When you were younger, you saw your parents and your little sister murdered in front of you, you managed to run away but you couldn’t save your sister nor your parents, it’s the whole reason you joined the agency and are so hellbent on justice. 

But he put you in a tough spot.

You hadn’t felt this way since your mother yelled at you to run but your sister was crying trying to escape. 

“Just.. Why?” You hadn’t even spoken five words to him but your demeanor was already breaking, and he could see and hear it too.

“I don’t know.” He was telling the truth. He doesn’t know why he got so wrapped up in all this, he doesn’t know why he killed so many, he doesn’t know why he’s doing this to you. 

“You don’t know, Fyodor? That’s all you have to say? ‘I don’t know’?” You began raising your voice to combat the wavering and the breaking praying he couldn’t tell.

But he could see the tears begin to fill your eyes.

“I really don’t know, Y/n.” He tried hiding the hurt from not being called his usual nickname, Fyo, and instead being called by the full one. 

He wishes he could go back in time and stop himself from ever doing this but he knows it’s impossible.

“I just want a real explanation, Fyodor. You’re involved with the murder of dozens of people. This can— no, this will get you executed. Why would you do this?” You so badly wanted to finish the full sentence and say, ‘Why would you do this to me, Fyodor? How could you do this to me?’. But you had to at-least try and keep your demeanor.

“I don’t know—”

“I don’t wanna hear that bullshit, Fyodor. Tell me why. I can’t help you out of this if you don’t tell me why.” You tried so hard to make it sound like a command but they came out as begs, and that was what you were doing. Turning him in would mean his death. Turning him in would mean you were indirectly responsible for his death. 

You would be the cause of yet another persons death. You couldn’t save your mother, you couldn’t save your father, you couldn’t save your little sister, and now, you would be setting your best friend, the only one you have ever had, up for execution, so yes, you were begging. You would get on your knees and plead if you needed to. 

“So you’re not gonna say anything?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want a explanation, hell I fucking deserve one, Fyodor. I deserve to know why you’ve been doing this shit.”

“I just said—”

“I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.” You began getting angered and you couldn’t keep a calm demeanor anymore.

“I fucking heard it and it’s not good enough. Give me an explanation.” 

“I don’t have one”

“Yes you do, were you forced?”

“No—”

“Were you threatened?”

“No, Y/n—”

“Were you coerced?”

“Y/n—”

“Was someone else threatened?—” You were pleading with both him and yourself, this couldn’t be true and it couldn’t be happening.

“Y/n.”

“What?”

His hand reached over to your cheek as his perplexed eyes burned into yours.

“Please don’t cry.”

What? You’re crying? You didn’t even realize you started until he pointed it out. You ripped your face away,

“No, don’t you dare start acting like you care now—“

“I do care—”

“You didn’t care when you helped kill those people. Did you even stop and think once about what you were doing?”

“…”

“DID YOU?”

“No.”

“So why do you care now? Huh, Fyodor? Why start caring when it’s too late?”

“I don’t know.”

“Stop saying you don’t—” You had to stop yourself before you started breaking down in front of him. He reached out for you again, this time slower and timidly. He didn’t want to scare you or upset you even more so he was careful. To his surprise you let him. The look in his eyes was unreadable but the one in yours was as clear as the arctic sea. 

You were tired. 

“Please, just tell me why.”

“I wish I knew, N/n” and with his tone, and that very, very special nickname, you collapsed. You screamed, begged, and pleaded but his answer was the same. He didn’t know. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Please just tell me why.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Please.”

This went on at least 45 minutes before you began calming down.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do”

He was right and you hated it. He always was. It was one of the things you lo— liked. you liked about Fyodor. 

“Please don’t make me do this.” 

“Im so—“ He started, but a loud bang followed by a stinging, burning pain in his abdomen stopped him. You turned around to see your partner holding their gun up.

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” This can’t be happening, this couldn’t be happening.

“Fyodor? FYODOR?”

“I'm right here, you don’t have to yell.” He cracked a joke. He’s cracking jokes and he just got shot. You applied pressure to the wound. 

“CALL FOR HELP!!” You were practically wailing.

“Fyo? Fyo look at me.” you were calling him by his nickname again, his favorite thing to hear.

“I’m looking, N/n.” his voice sounded so soft, so light. He was dying.

“Hi.” You gave him your best watery smile, the best one you could muster.

“Hi.” He choked out, giving your smile right back albeit bloody. 

“Keep talking to me, Fyo.” 

“About what?”

“About anything. Just please, keep your eyes open”

“Anything for you.” You were glad he was back to acting like his usual self, and for a while, you two talked about random things. Places you wanted to go, things you learned. And then you were interrupted.

“L/n, they’re here.”

“Finally, tell them we’re in here.” Your heart was racing and you were terrified he wouldn’t make it. They started rushing in and they pulled him off of you but you quickly stood up and reached for his hand but you felt a strong, aching pain in your abdomen. It hurt so much it caused you to fall back down. Were you shot? Did it pass through him into you? He was holding you as you were shot, but you thought the initial pain was from both of you falling. Fyodors eyes widened at the sound of your collapse, he was confused as well. Did you hide your pain to comfort him? Or did you completely forget it so you could? You were writhing on the floor in pain calling out for help, and for him. they rushed you into the back of a hospital car but you had passed out before you could ask them your question. Was he ok?

Fyodor was moving in and out of conciseness and flatlined once on the way to the hospital but he was resuscitated, you on the other hand, blacked out and crashed multiple times before they were able to stabilize you.

The first thing you looked and asked for was him. 

“Where’s Fyodor?” You frantically looked around the room to find him, but he wasn’t here.

“WHERE'S FYODOR?” You yelled and your partner and doctor rushed into the room.

“L/n, You need to calm down. Your heart is racing and it’s not good for your recovery.” Pausing, you asked again.

“Where is he?” Your tone was laced with malice, eyes burning into your partners. 

“He’s in a different room, but are you—”

“Why would you shoot without my command? We weren’t there to execute him, we were there to question him.”

“He was touching you, L/n.”

“Did I give you my fucking command, H/n?”

“No.” You stared at them with nothing but anger in your eyes, if fyodor was dead you would not only get them fired, but you would never forgive them.

“Get the fuck out.”

“But—”

“That was an order. Get the fuck out of my room.”

They hurriedly left and you questioned the doctor of Fyodors location.

“Where is he?”

“He’s fine if that’s what you're trying to ask, the bullet didn't hit any major organs and luckily, didn't hit his spine. He’s incredibly lucky to be alive.”

“Can I see him?” the doctor chuckled softly at this.

“To be honest, he’s more stable than you are.”

“What happened?” The doctor took a pause.

“The bullet sliced right through him and into you, it took us a few hours of surgery to get it out because you were bleeding too quickly.” How the hell did you ignore the pain for so long? You were glad you did or Fyodor might’ve focused on you instead of not dying.

“So, can he come see me?” The doctor closed up your charts and looked back at you.

“We’ll see about that. For now, you get some rest.”

Fyodor was internally losing his shit to figure out if you were ok. If you died it would be his fault. 

The doctor came into his room and he watched them before asking the question, 

“Are they ok?” Yet again, the doctor chuckled.

“You two must really love each other, huh?” 

What? No he didn’t love you. You two were friends. Yeah. Just friends.

His silence was enough to answer the doctors question.

“Before you ask, no, you can’t see them. Not for some time, anyway. Neither of you are allowed to walk, but I might be able to arrange for you to see them. You're a hell of a lot more stable than they are right now.” He gave them a confused look,

“Their surgery was complicated, but they’re ok.”

The doctor checked his vitals and left.

When you checked your phone you saw the date and realized it had been 4 days since the initial incident.

“What the hell?” You muttered to yourself. Was it really that bad?

After a few days you were finally able to see each other, neither of you were allowed to walk though. Nurses wheeled you two to a table in the cafeteria.

“Hi, Fyo.”

“Hey, N/n.” Neither of you could keep a solid face and immediately smiled.

“Are you feeling ok? Does it still hurt anywhere?”

“Why’d you hide your pain—”

“You answer me first.” You finally looked directly into his eyes. 

“I’m ok, and no, it doesn’t hurt. Now you answer me.” You fiddled with your fingers trying to come up with an answer. 

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” Oh, how the tables turn.

“I couldn’t feel it. I hadn't known I had been shot till I stood up.”

“Hm. The doctors said your surgery was complicated.”

“I guess so, I was also out for 4 days.”

“Y/n,” he started, You looked back at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don't wanna talk about that right now.”

“The charges were dropped from lack of evidence, you don't have to arrest me anymore.”

“That’s not the point, Fyodor.” you sighed weakly. 

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I would’ve had to turn you in, I would’ve had to question you, I would’ve—”

You had to take a deep breath because your voice was starting to waver.

“I would’ve been the cause of your death, Fyo. So no, you don’t have a fucking clue.”

He was speechless. He knew you would have to do that but he didnt know it would’ve affected you this much.

“I didn’t think it would get this bad.”

“Well clearly you were wrong.” Not long after that hot tears fell down your face at the thought of you having to do that. Even being a detective, you were grateful there wasn’t enough evidence because you just couldn’t take that. You two sat there and talked until the cafeteria closed, you would do this everyday until you were discharged.

Turning to him, you started,

“Do you think we can ever meet again?”

“Do you want me to answer honestly, or do you want me to say what you want to hear?”

“Honestly, please.” he chuckled lightly at this because, 

“Honestly, I don’t know either.” you turned to each other and just stared into eachothers eyes.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything”

“I think—” You didn’t know if you could say it, but you had to. Just in case this was the last time you ever saw each other.

Alive, anyway

“I think I love you, Fyodor.” His eyes widened slightly, but it was still enough for you to notice. You didn't expect him to say it back but alas,

“I think I love you too.” A few tears fell as you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“Please, don’t cry.” 

“I'm trying.” you said while giggling a bit. You reached out to hold his face and he reached out to hold yours. Neither of you could take just staring at each other anymore and held a kiss for a good minute or two. When you separated you kept your eyes closed and stayed close to each other for a while.

“Goodbye, N/n.”

“I’ll see you soon, Fyo.” And with that, you parted your ways. Did you see eachother again? Who knows. But at least you told the man you had been in love with for almost two decades you loved him, and he told the person he was in love with for almost two decades he loved them.