total-creep

[total-creep]

I can't expect anyone to know my feelings when I don't voice them but people expecting the worse from me with no context is worse. Even with context, maybe people knowing me is worse. I don't know.

[total-creep]

God only knows what I am without you.

[total-creep]

I wish someone would tell me you felt the same. Anyone. I wish you said that to someone and they told me. I don't think you did, and I don't think you did.

[total-creep]

I'll feel like I'm okay and then the pain hits like a cannonball to the chest and I can't breathe. Is that ever going to stop? I don't know how to live like that forever.

[total-creep]

I have so much to say to you and I never will. Parts off loss never spoken.

[total-creep]

Losing you feels like a black hole that has sucked everything I found enjoyable and fell in love without out of the world and no one understands. Friends, lovers, family...everything feels completely devoid of feelings other than ambivalence.

I know I'm the reason but I never stopped caring for you and now I never have the chance to tell you. Hold you. Love you the way I wish I had.

[total-creep]

I remember all the time I spent memorizing every part of you. Scared I would lose that touch. I remember all of you. Every piece. Every constellation of freckles. Every curve of muscle and skin and bone. I don't know what to do with it now.

[total-creep]

It's unfair to still love you so much. It feels like a secret I've kept for years and my biggest regret is that you never knew. I hope you know. God I hope you know.

[total-creep]

I see your face every time I close my eyes and it hits like a drowning wave.

Maybe I want to drown. I think I do.

[total-creep]

I thought

We would find each other again

And maybe even

Love.

But I was unmedicated

And you were meant to be

Somewhere else.

[total-creep]

[total-creep]

My preferred mode of transportation~ on a giant steampunk koi blimp

[total-creep]

Stranger Things 4 as an 90's anime (video), art by me 🖌️

[total-creep]

[total-creep]

Phillip Singer

Alcove, 2020

Oil on linen

[total-creep]

Your silent watcher stops to wait atop the cemetery gate.

[total-creep]