totalslvt

[totalslvt]

Morning Light

Carl Grimes x Fem Reader (NSFW)

Warning(s): NSFW, Both characters are aged over 18, Alexandria au

Summary: Carl wakes up with morning wood and attempts to keep you in bed a bit longer through any means possible. You give into him and you two wake up together a different way.

Word count: 1677

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The chirping of birds woke you from your slumber and the golden glimmers from the rising sun crept through the drawn shades. You checked the clock that sat on the bedside table, and slumped back into the comfort of your bed realizing you still had time to rest before starting your day.

Your boyfriend Carl lay beside you one arm slung over your waist, his warm body heat comforted you further. You’d never imagine that the two of you would ever be able to settle down in the world you lived in, but things just fell into place and you were lucky enough to have him there with you now.

You were shaken out of your thoughts when you felt Carl’s soft lips press against your back lovingly, a smile tugged at your lips when he grumbled a short “Good morning.” You took his hand that was wrapped around your midriff giving it a light squeeze in response.

“You’re up early, what’s the occasion?” you mused, he just buried his face into your back groaning incoherently. He hated being up early and you didn't like it much either but living in a community like Alexandria it was crucial to pull your weight. You rolled onto your other side facing him, his hair was sticking up in different directions, and his bad eye wasn’t hidden behind gauze.

“We have to get up sooner or later, sleepyhead.” His arms pulled you flushed against his chest burying his face in the crook of your neck leaving feather light kisses over the love marks he’d left just nights prior. You sighed practically melting into him, he sure knew how to keep you in bed longer.

“Don’t wanna.” He mumbled into your skin before continuing the assault on your neck. You tried to pull away from him but he licked a strip along your neck pressing himself into you making you whine. You could feel his cock poking at you with a severe case of morning wood which wasn’t unusual, Carl’s sex drive was very high.

“Just a few more minutes, I’ll make it worth your wild.” He slurred into your neck leaving wet open mouthed kisses down your neck. His warm hands trailed under your nightshirt, he stopped his movements at the swell of your breast pulling away for your neck.

His one blue eye gazed into yours silently asking for consent to continue, instead of answering him directly you grabbed one of his hands and brought it flush against your mound. He sighed contently, already worked up from his throbbing hard on he’d woken up with.

His thumb rolled over your peppeld bud before bringing his other hand up to make contact with your other mound. He skillfully massaged the tender fat with his hands making you practically melt into him. He leaned forward giving you a gentle kiss, your lips molding together his breathing tickled your heated face.

You felt his tongue swipe across your lips asking for access which you quickly accepted. His tongue exploring your mouth like he didn’t already know every nook and cranny by heart. The kiss became progressively more heated until he pulled away gasping for air, a string of saliva connecting your tongues.

His hard cock poked against your thigh that had been thrown over his hip, your other leg was tangled with his bringing you two impossibly close. His hands have moved from your breasts instead exploring your body, you could feel his calloused hands trailing along your body leaving goosebumps in their path.

You began grinding your heat against his hard length making him whimper with need. His hands made their way to your ass squeezing and pushing you harder against him. The head of his dick rubbed against your clit making your head roll back in pleasure. He rutted into you needily, precum beading at the tip of his cock soaking into his boxers.

“Carl, I need you.” You moaned at a particularly hard thrust, he immediately halted his movements before nodding enthusiastically. He didn’t even bother taking off your shirt instead opting to just pull your panties down and lift your shirt up enough to expose your breasts. He brought his hand down to your heat swiping a finger along your wet slick.

You moaned when his fingers applied pressure to your sensitive bud rubbing circles teasingly slow into you, pleasure shot down your spine and your legs instinctively attempted to clamp shut only being stopped by Carl’s one free hand.

“Does that feel good?” He teased before licking up your thigh, the sensation was unbearable making you squirm.He moved from your clit to your aching hole slipping in a finger, he watched as your greedy pussy took every inch of his fingers before entering his other finger curling into your sweet spot. Your back arched against him and he fingered you painfully slow, your arousal soaking his fingers down to his knuckles.

You grabbed his wrist making him stop his movements. “Please Carl, I need your cock!” You moaned that brought a smirk to his lips. He was quick to pull down his boxers you watched impatiently as his cock sprang out from its confines slapping against his stomach. You leaned forward taking his length into your hand stroking his cock, he groaned letting his head fall against your shoulder.

His cock was just begging for attention, the tip an angry red tint and his veins popped against his shaft. Precum dribbles against your hand working like lubricant, but you knew it wouldn’t be enough to fit inside you without pain regardless of how wet you were. So you brought your fingers down to your folds slicking your fingers before placing them back on his cock rubbing your arousal into his shaft.

He let his teeth sink into your shoulder not hard enough to hurt or draw blood but enough to bring a little sting. He pulled his head away pushing you down into the bed before crawling over you, his hands resting on either side of your head. His pupils were blown with lust and you could see sweat forming on his forehead. He removed one of his hands from beside your head, grabbing the base of his dick and lining it up with your entrance.

“You sure you’re ready? I can finger you a little more?” You just nodded reassuringly, giving him to go to slip into you, he watched pleasure spread across your features enhancing his own enjoyment. Once he bottomed out inside you he waited, he knew you were good to go after all the previous times you’ve had sex you were well adjusted at this point. However he enjoyed the closeness he felt when he just sat inside you, he leaned against your body kissing your breasts before pushing his hips back and thrusting into you again.

His thrusts were rough but slow and passionate. It brought tears of pleasure to the ducks of your eyes, his blue eye staring into your love strone across his features. You whined everytime his hips made contact against your own, you could feel every inch of him entering and slipping out of your body before slamming back into you. The curve of his dick pressed against your g spot intensifying your moanes, everytime he slammed into you your walls clamped around him making him groan.

He began to pick up his pace, his cock was aching for release and your tight warmth against him was making his vision go blurry. He watched your tits bounce with every thrust, he refused to look away from you. In the world you two lived in it wasn’t uncommon for moments like these to be cut short so he made sure to watch every second of it. The sounds of slapping skin and moans could surely be heard by the neighbors but that was the last worry in Carl’s mind, and you were too cock drunk to even notice the explicit sounds that were leaving your lips.

“Shit, you take me so good. I love you so much baby girl.” He cooed, grabbing your hips so he could slam into your faster. His pace was unforgiving and you could feel your climax bubbling inside you, you knew he was going to be finished soon by the way his dick twitched inside your walls. His hips bucked into you and the bed was creaking at his hard thrusts, you moaned his name repeatedly unable to speak any other words.

“Carl! M gonna cum!” You screamed and he growled in response, pounding into you particularly hard. “Me too, me too.” He whined bringing his face down to your neck sucking more marks into your skin, your bodies stuck together from the sweat that had been accumulated. His dick kept hitting your g spot over and over and attempting to speed up the pace he brought a finger to your clit rubbing at a harshly fast pace, with that it didn’t take you long to reach your orgasm.

You felt the familiar sensation crash over your body, but it was different and more powerful this time. You’d realized what happened when his cock was pushed out of your cunt and you looked up to see him cumming against your stomach, but he was soaked. “What happened? Did I piss on you?” You questioned brain a little too foggy to realize what had just occurred, he smiled softly before smirking at your obviousness. “No honey you squirted.” He mumbled before wrapped his arms around you and picking your up bridal style

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” He said more of a statement than a question, you nodded groggily before apologizing. “Sorry I didn’t mean to do that.” Honestly you were a little embarrassed but Carl just seemed shocked that you even tried to apologize about that. “It was what I was aiming for, don’t be sorry it was really hot.” You smiled letting your face burry into his chest, he knew how to make you feel good.

[totalslvt]

Escapism

Carl Grimes x Reader

Warning(s): Fluff, Implied Sexual Thoughts, No smut though

Summary: Carl had feelings for his best friend, in an attempt to escape his emotions he ignores them. That is until he’s unable to run away from them and he’s forced to confront his feelings.

Word count: 1081

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Carl knew he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of his bestfriend like this but he couldn’t help it, no matter what he did the thoughts came rushing back into his mind. He tried to occupy himself with physical labor, comics, and other various activities but it seemed like nothing would keep these thoughts out of his head. So he resorted to ignoring you, his best friend, the only person in the world that he felt comfortable around.

The first few days of avoiding you were easier than expected, you were busy with chores and so was he. But after five days you noticed he was acting strangely and you tried speaking to him.“Hey Carl, you alright?” You questioned cautiously“Yeah, I’m fine, just busy.” He answered before swiftly walking down the road towards his house, he felt guilty but he didn’t know what else to do, he’d never felt this way before.

As time went on it became more difficult to evade you, you were seemingly everywhere he looked and quite honestly he missed you. The two of you used to talk everyday. You were practically attached to the hip, never going a day without talking to each other. Carl tried to ignore the ache in his heart in your absence but it only got worse the more time he spent away from you.

It came to the point Carl was having trouble sleeping with the loneliness and shame he was experiencing. Evidently the thoughts never went away in fact they only got worse as time passed. Carl sighed rolling over in his bed burying his face into the pillow below his head, he couldn’t stand it anymore. He missed you, your smile, your voice, everything about you was haunting him.

He tried sleeping but the drowsiness wouldn’t wash over his body, he was wide awake. He was shaken out of his thoughts by a sudden knock on his window, he shot out of his bed rummaging through his drawler to find his pistol. Once he’d found the desired weapon he creeped over to his window, peeking through the shades he was met with a familiar figure standing in his front lawn rock in hand.

It was you, Carl felt relief wash over him realizing there wasn’t a threat. He placed his gun back into his drawer and stepped back to his window. Drawing the blinds and opening the window popping his head through the opening. “What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?” He whispered loud enough for you to hear him, attempting to keep the volume down so as to not wake up his father.

“Uh, yeah I know what time it is. What I don’t know is why you’re avoiding me Carl, mind informing me?” You spoke, anger and hurt coating your words.He groaned before opening the window enough for you to hop through waving you inside. You crawled through the small space landing on the ground quitely, you were quite skilled after living in an apocalypse.

“Look, I’m not avoiding you. I already told you, I’m just busy.” He began but he could already tell you weren’t buying into his lies, unfortunately for Carl you could read him like a book.“Busy reading comic books?” You rebutted, placing your hands on your hips like an angry mother. Carl felt guilty, he knew you were upset, rightfully so. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth, it could ruin your friendship if he hasn’t done so already.

“Look Carl, whatever is on your mind you can tell me. You know that right?” Sympathy and understanding laced your words making his tense shoulders relax slightly. He took some time to think about what you said, what he should say. He ended up coming clean to an extent.“Okay, but promise not to hate me?”

“I wouldn’t hate you if you stabbed me Carl.” You joked lightly making the situation all less uncomfortable. “Well, I’ve been having these thoughts about you. Not bad thoughts or anything! Just, I keep thinking about what it would be like if we were more than friends.” He stuttered out to the best of his abilities, but on the inside he was a nervous wreck.

You stood in an uncomfortable silence for a while, Carl could feel anxiety bubbling in his chest regret crashing over him like a wave. He finally looked up towards you, previously having his eye glued to the floor. He was surprised when he realized there was no anger or disgust in your expression, just admiration. The corners of your lips pulled into a small grin and Carl could feel his cheeks heat up.

He waited patiently for a response, but instead you grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly in a show of affection. Carl was sure his hands were sweaty but you didn’t seem to mind, just glancing into his one good eye. You brought your other hand to his face cupping his cheek. Your thumb rubbing into his freckled skin.“You’re blushing.” Stating the obvious, Carl smiled gently at you.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked tenderly, you nodded making Carl's heartbeat speed up. Carl’s never kissed anyone before, nevertheless the girl he’s been in love with for years even if he didn’t know at the time. He carefully and slowly leaned into your warmth, giving you enough time to decide whether you wanted to back out or not, but you never did.

His lips brushed against yours, he just stilled. He enjoyed staying like this for a while, your warm breath tickling his nose, but the wait was starting to get unbearable. He finally kissed you, it was tender and loving, the kind of kiss he’s seen in movies when he was young. It felt exactly how he’d always imagined, his heart was fluttering.

Your lips molded into each other, heads tilting ever so often to get a better angle. You noses bumped together a few times but neither of you seemed to mind, too lost in the feeling of the kiss. It was over as quickly as it began when you pulled away, your pupils were blown and he could see a red tint staining your cheeks. Carl gave a toothy grin exhilarated from the kiss you’d just shared seconds prior.

“So does this mean you like me too?”

“Yes Carl, it means I like you too.” You cooed to him, making him melt.

[totalslvt]

Alone Together

Max Brinly x Fem reader

Warning(s): Smut, Fluff, Max being fucking adorable

Summary: When a game of truth or dare goes a little too far and you’re forced to come clean about your feelings for Max, you can only hope he’ll either forget or reciprocate

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The fire in front of you kept you warm in contrast to the brisk air of the summer night. Your friends were gathered around the flames beers in their hands and smiles plastered on their faces. On either side of you were your closest friends, Max and Emma. The two of them were quite the opposites, Max was quite kind and a tad shy while Emma was loud confident, and playful. If you were being quite honest you had feelings for Max, it was hard not to when he was adorable. You’ve known Max since you were both fifteen and now in your early twenties. Somewhere along the lines, you had developed a crush on the boy; However, you never had the guts to tell him for fear of ruining years of friendship. 

You were shaken out of your thoughts by a hand on your shoulder turning to the direction of the contact only to be met with Emma’s impatient expression glaring back at you. “Were you even listening to like, anything I was saying?” she questioned impatiently. “Oh no sorry, got lost in my thoughts I guess.” You answered her sheepishly, she could be rather intimidating at times. Emma sighed bringing her hand to her head and whipping it down her face “We’re gonna play truth or dare, are you in or not?” she inquired to which you nodded eagerly. With that Emma began “Well since I came up with this idea, I’ll go first!” she stated in a sing-song voice.

“Laura, truth or dare.” She said her voice dropping a few octaves at the word dare trying to scare Laura off, but knowing Laura she wouldn’t back down. Laura smirked “Dare of course.” she challenged falling directly into Emma’s trap. The brunette smiled mischievously “Show the most embarrassing photo on your phone.” Everyone around the campfire was immediately engaged, the blonde only giggled pulling her phone from her pocket, and scrolled until she found the victim of the dare. Turning her phone towards the crowd of young adults sitting around he. Her screen showed a photo of Laura presumably very drunk laying on the floor in what you recognized as the bar Max Laura and you frequent. 

Everyone burst out in laughs at what they’ve witnessed, you even caught Ryan who was usually stoic holding back a laugh. Moving on Laura turned to the next victim “Dylan, truth or dare.” Dylan's face lit up with excitement “Uh, dare duh!” He exclaimed far too optimistic for someone who was leaving their fate in the hands of Laura. “Sit on Ryan’s lap for the next turn.” with that Dylan’s once smiling face dropped into one of fear, and he looked to Ryan for approval that he clearly assumed would be one of disapproval. But Ryan was just as emotionless as ever, but you swore you saw his lip quirk upwards momentarily. 

Dylan stood and made his way over to Ryan, a blush covering his ears. He sat down carefully on his lap, surprisingly Ryan’s hand wrapped around Dylan’s stomach. Emma whistled at the display only egging on everyone else's applause. Dylan looked towards you visibly flustered and began “Y/n truth or dare.” You audibly sighed “Truth” earning a sound of disappointment from Max who sat beside you. “If you were to have sex with anybody here, who would it be?” The world seemed to stop as you went through all the possible escapes and excuses you could you to save yourself from the embarrassment. 

Truthfully you could lie, but you knew that wouldn’t slide if Emma was here. She knew all about your infatuation with Max and you knew her well enough to know she would catch your fib and out you to everyone. Deciding it was better to just say it outright you took a long swig of your beer in hopes of gaining some courage “Max, I mean I’ve known him the longest and I’m not super comfortable having sex with a bunch of losers like you” You stated as confidently as you could considering the situation you’ve been put in. Praying you had played it off well enough you turned to Max and shrugged. His blue orbs peered back into your own, you saw a red blush tinting his freckled face. Jacob cheered “Hell yeah man!” raising his hand to Max for a high-five which he accepted apprehensively. 

The night dragged on from there, and quite honestly you didn’t pay attention much as you were dragged back into your thoughts. Soon enough the fire began to die and everyone slowly headed in for bed until it was just Max and you. An awkward silence settled between you two as the last person left. The night air chilled your body as you began to shiver lightly, Max clearly took notice because he finally spoke up. “Are you cold?” He questioned, his voice noticeably quieter than earlier. You shook your head no, but Max knew how stubborn you were. He peeled off his jean jacket laying it over your shoulder like a blanket and wrapped his arm around your much smaller frame. 

“Hey about what I said earlier, during truth or dare? I didn’t mean it in a weird way, it’s just a stupid game,” you assured him trying your best to do some damage control but Max only giggled beside you. “Really? I was hoping that was your way of confessing your love for me.” Your jaw slacked at his statement and now it was your turn to blush. You looked towards him, an adoring smile plastered on his face, the same smile he has always given you. And then it clicked in your brain, he held the same feeling you did for him. “What does that mean?” You asked rather dumbly, expecting maybe it was some sort of joke or even a miscommunication. But Max felt otherwise “It means I like you, no. I love you and have loved you for some time now.” His voice cracked slightly, he was clearly nervous. 

You weren’t sure where the confidence came from but you leaned forward capturing his lips with your own. His lips were warm and they contrasted greatly with your cold temperature, the kiss was soft and slow at first but quickly became more passionate. Your bodies clung to each other, and the taste faint taste of alcohol was present on his lips. His breath tickled your face, he was so warm you almost felt you were going to melt right into him. His cologne was musky with a hint of smoke from the fire, and you could feel his touch roaming your body for the first time. 

Then he pulled away, he was panting awestruck by the passionate kiss you just shared. You blurted “I love you too Max, I have since we were kids.”  Max drew forward towards you again tilting his head to the side slightly allowing for your lips to meet again this time more heated than previous. Your jaw slacked a little allowing his tongue to make contact with your own. You grabbed for his hair, pulling gently enough so as to not hurt him. He hummed into your mouth, and you felt his hands grasp at your hips pulling you flushed against his lap. 

You could feel his heart hammering against his chest, the closeness between you made you dizzy in the best way. The heat emanating from the red coals of the fire warmed you even further and an ache began forming in between your legs that were planted on either side of him. You felt the need to pull away, you knew that if this was taken any further you could never go back. But you couldn’t you needed this, you needed him. And after beating around the bush for so many years you felt it was only fate that this happened. Your lips parted a string of spit connecting the both of you, his breath was uneven and it fanned over your face. His pupils were blown and he was red as a tomato. 

“Max, do you want to take this any further?” you queried gently rubbing your thumb up and down his cheek comfortingly. Max smiled sweetly “If you’re willing to have me.” He responded with raw emotion emanating from his words. You grinned “I’m more than happy to.” you giggled meekly, and he nodded slowly picking you up in his arms bridal style. Lowering you on a blanket that had been laid on the dirt prior, he hovered over you for a little bit just admiring you. Max lowered his body holding himself up with one hand as he made work of kissing and nipping at your neck. You whimpered the sensation, after every hickey he sucked into your neck he left a loving kiss on top of it. 

His firm erection pressed against your own heat through the fabric of your pants making your stomach drop. You let your legs wrap around his torso in order to get some much-needed friction, grinding into him he let out a groan. “Shit hun, eager aren’t we?” he chuckled against your neck, and you hummed in response. Testingly rubbing against him again, you could feel his cock pulsate making your mouth water. He pulled away from your neck, placing his hands on your thighs drawing circles with his thumbs. “As much as I want to take my time with you darling you’re not making it easy.’ he spoke voice wavering. “We should make it quick, anybody could walk out here and see us,” you suggested warmly, Max nodded making quick work of your pants. 

Slipping his hands under your panties and pulling them aside, he stared in wonder making you squirm partially out of nervousness and anticipation. He quickly snapped out of it drawing his finger towards your leaking hole, not yet making contact. Max looked to you for approval one last time before he dipped a finger into your tight slit drawing a moan from you. His finger pushed in and out slowly before adding another finger. His fingers curled hitting the spongy spot inside of you eliciting a yelp, you felt sweat forming over your body. “That good honey?” he cooed to which you jerked your head up and down vigorously. You were practically putty in his hands and you wished you would be given the opportunity to do the same to him. 

Fingers pumping in and out of you had a familiar bubble in you forming, you didn’t want to cum yet. You wanted more than anything to reach your climax around his dick, so you grabbed his forearm making his movements halt. “You okay sweetie? I didn’t hurt you did I?” His tone was laced with worry “No I just, I need you inside me.” His face flushed as he nodded gently removing his fingers before he could begin to unbutton the pants you leaned forward opting to unbutton them for him. 

You could feel him staring down as you slipped his pants down his legs leaving him in his boxers. You heard shuffling from above you, glancing toward him as he pulled his shirt off revealing his toned body, you knew Max worked out but you didn’t expect him to be so built. You must’ve looked surprised because he smirked down at you, “Like what you see?” he bragged but his cocky smirk was knocked right off his face when your hand cupped the bulge in his boxers making his knees buckle before regaining his composure. He kneeled back down to your level parting your legs with his own.

The two of you just stayed there for a while, admiring each other. Then you felt his warm hands slip under your shirt assisting you in taking off the article, now you two were both practically naked only wearing your underwear. His arms stretched behind your back to remove your bra, he struggled a little and you snickered much to his dismay but he got it off regardless. You were surprisingly comfortable to the point you had trouble believing this was your first time with him. Max immediately leaned forward to take your breast into his mouth but you stopped him “Max, as much as I would love to have you suck my tits, I think I’ll die if you don’t fuck me already.” He giggled and pulled his boxers down revealing his cock, precum dripping down his shaft. 

You immediately felt apprehensive, sure you’d had sex plenty of times before and he certainly wasn’t the longest you’d encountered but his dick had sizable girth compared to most guys. Max observed your facial expression “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want. I’m happy to eat you out instead?” he whispered but you declined “No, I want this! I’m just not sure how you’re gonna make that fit.” He smiled leaning closer and pressing his forehead to yours “Just relax honey, I got you.” He cooed and you followed his instructions. You felt the tip of his cock against your entrance making you shudder in delight, he pushed in slowly. Thank god you were as wet as you were because you knew the stretch would’ve been excruciating if not. 

He slid in you impossibly deeper until you felt his hips make contact with yours, you were already sweating and from the looks of it, he was as well. Max stayed inside you for a while waiting for permission to move, having his cock buried inside you unmoving was so intimate it made your heart flutter. After a while, you ground your hips into him letting your pussy tighten around his shaft. He moaned taking it as a sign to move, he began a slow passionate pace. Max obviously knew what he was doing, he didn’t just fuck you he made love to you. You let your legs wrap around him assisting him in getting deeper with each drive of his hips.

His sounds were angelic to you, deep groans mixing with your whimpers sounded so exotic you found yourself even more turned on than previously. Max fucked you with passion, kissing your neck and groping every inch of flesh he could get his hands on. “Fuck hun, you feel so good around my cock.” his words explicit only heightened your experience. He brought his thumb to your clit rubbing slow but meaningful circles into your sensitive bud, your body jerked at the sensation and you felt yourself tighten around him.

 “Shit Max, it’s so good!” You cried a little too loud and his lips crashed into yours effectively shutting you up. His pace quickened leaving the both of you a sweaty mess. Pants and squelching sounds could be heard accompanied by the sound of skin slapping. He pulled away from the kiss bringing both of his hands to your hips and pushing you down onto his dick making you see stars. “Right there! Oh, shit shit shit!” You mumbled cock drunk by this point, his head leaned back and he let out a guttural growl. “You like that? Fuck baby me too you feel so good, so so good.” He moaned out as he continued to hit that spot inside you making you light-headed. You felt your orgasm building and at this pace, it was going to happen fast. His lips crashed into yours once again, heated and you had to part every few minutes gasping for air. 

Your arms clung around his neck, nails racking through his brownish-red locks. He pounded into you at an impossible pace, you could tell he was also reaching his climax. “I love you so much, you’re perfect.” He practically whined, and at the praise, your eyes rolled back. “Max, I’m gonna cum!” You shrieked to which he replied “Fuck, me too honey. Cum for me.” That pushed you over the edge and you felt the waves of your orgasm crash over you Max leaned down holding you tightly. He fucked you through your orgasm and his thrusts became uneven letting you know he was also about to orgasm. “Where do you want it?” He asked “My stomach.” He abided and pulled out quickly.

Thick ropes of his hot cum shot out onto your stomach and he collapsed on top of you. You were both covered in sweat and your bodies stuck together, heaving for air. Your body was tired and weak and you were positive you’d have trouble walking tomorrow. His hands played with your hair as he covered your body in kisses over the red marks that would soon develop into hickeys. Your breathing stabilized and you spoke, “I love you so much.” Max pushed himself up to make eye contact with you, his eyes peering into yours with great affection, and his hair stuck to his forehead. “I love you too Y/n” 

[totalslvt]

Return To The Stars

Joel Miller x Reader

Warning(s): Pure Angst, Suicide, Mentions of SH

Summary: Joel has harbored feelings for you for years, but he’s noticed a change in you sprouting concerns within him. Before he can even confront you it’s too late and his feelings remain unspoken

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Joel’s known you for two years currently and in that time he developed deep feelings for you, it took him quite a while to come to terms with his feelings but he eventually came around. Over the next few months, the bond between you two only strengthened blossoming into a shared pining for each other and with that more time was spent by each-others side. Joel’s tone noticeably changed around you becoming more playful and flirty, and you reciprocated only fueling his admiration.

Everything was going well until recently, you’ve become increasingly distant, and seeing you became more foreign. You picked up more patrols and the time you spent in Jackson was either spent at the bar or in your small house across from his. Joel wasn’t the only one who caught on to your strange behavior Ellie noticed as well. On one night in particular Joel and Ellie sat on the couch watching movies when the topic of you was brought up. “She’s been acting weird lately hasn’t she? I hope she’s doing okay.” Ellie worried out loud only for that same concern to be evident on Joel’s face when the topic had risen.

Joel’s brows furrowed thinking about it and he felt a tug in his heart. “Yeah, maybe we should go check on her?” Joel thought out loud before looking at Ellie who was already scrambling off the couch to slip on her shoes, the scene made Joel smile knowing Ellie was fond of you was almost like and approval for him to pursue you even more. Standing Joel laced his shoes slipping on his jacket “What do you think we should say to her? When we get there I mean, she seems sad I wouldn’t want to make her any worse you know?” Ellie announced as the pair walked out the door. Joel thought silently, it was a good question. Scratching at his beard he replied “We’ll know when we get there kiddo.”

_

Knocks at your door woke you from your slumber, you’ve been sleeping ever since you got home from a rather brutal patrol. You found yourself indulging in more risky behavior lately which was most likely due to your declining mental state. Rolling out of the comfort of you bed you stumbled over to your door, your body not quite adjusted to walking after your long nap making you slightly dizzy. Standing in-front of the door for a few seconds debating on wether you should ignore the knocking and retreat back to your bedroom.

“Y/n, we know you're in there!” a familiar voice sounded from the other side, it was Ellie's. Sighing as you turned the doorknob opening the door for her, only to be surprised by the presence of Joel. Their eyes widened open seeing you, you must’ve looked really bad you thought to yourself. Skin littered with cuts and bruises from fighting off a few hunters just a few hours earlier, and your hair was matted from a restless sleep. “Hey guys.” you greeted in a scratchy voice, it was clear you had just woken up.

Joel was the first to speak “What the hell happened to you?!” his concern came off angrier than intended, but it was clear from the look on his face he was just worried. He stepped closer his hands reaching for one of the many dirtied cuts on your face. “You gotta get this cleaned up.” he voiced with great concern. The duo walked you to the bathroom grabbed a medical kit and began disinfecting the many wounds that covered your body. You sat in silence as they worked not having enough energy to explain what had happened, though they seemed to have a good idea.

_

Joel has sent Ellie home so he could question you on your situation. He sat on your bed next to you, stillness filled the air neither of you had spoken since Ellie left. Joel looked troubled and there was no dought you looked miserable. Hesitantly he spoke softly “What happened?” The same question asked earlier that night, you took a moment to think before speaking. “Hunters got the jump on me, that’s all.” You mumbled barely audible. Joel frowned imaging the event only caused anger and sorrow to bubble within him.

“Where was your partner?” He inquired in a gentle voice, but there was an undertone of anger towards whoever let this happen to you. Little did he know you were the person to blame. “It was just me,” you answered, Joel, scowled at that. “Why on earth would you be out there patrolling on your own?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” yes, you thought bitterly, but you knew you couldn’t say that. “I can take care of myself you know.” a laughable response considering your current condition. But the reply didn't make him laugh, not at all. Joel’s eyes bored into the side of your head, since you refused to look at him.

You knew if you looked into his eyes you’d break down in tears and possibly spill all your thoughts, and that couldn’t happen. The room stayed silent for what felt like an eternity before Joel spoke up once again, his voice assertive this time “You’re not going on patrols without me from now on.” You let out an angry groan, you knew you were at fault here but you couldn’t stop the rage that bubbled inside you. You had spent so many years in solitary that you became easily frustrated with other people. Especially other people's concerns about you, after spending a good chunk of your life looking out for yourself you found people's worries to be overbearing.

Whipping your head around to lock eyes with the older man you began shouting at him. You weren’t completely sure why but your emotions got the better of you. “How about you mind your own damn business huh? I’m not your fucking girlfriend you have no obligation to me, and I certainly don't have obligation to you. So why don’t you just leave?!” your fists were balled and your gaze was filled with fury. Once again an uncomfortable silence settled in the room, and as quickly as this dispute began it ended. Joel stood up slowly and left without a word.

Guilty, you felt guilty. You stood in the same place for a while, your harsh words echoing in your mind. Tears rolled down your flustered cheeks and a sob ripped through your chest. Your legs gave out from under you, knees crashed down against the hardwood floor beneath you. Curling up in a ball you wept loudly, loudly enough that you were sure you were disturbing someone. You spent the next few days in your room.

_

Joel hadn’t seen you since that night he was still greatly anxious about the whole situation but he was also angry. He’s been irritable since the fight and just about everyone he was involved with had been on the end of his anger. Every-time Ellie asked about you he would ignore her or change the subject. Ellie wasn’t stupid she knew something happened that night, but she also knew it was best not to barge and let you two work it out on your own.

You hadn’t been seen around Jackson, not even going to patrols anymore. Coming up with the lame excuse of having come down with a nasty sickness, Maria actually offered to make you some soup but you declined in fear of being an even bigger burden. If your mental health wasn’t already at rock bottom it sure was now, you spent every waking hour planning out your death. Before the fight you had just been contemplating but the guilt and shame you felt had pushed you off the edge and you had made a solid plan.

Instead of going out on patrols to get hurt you took it into your own hands, you had found that the pain in your body would make the hurricane of thoughts in your head quiet down. You were sure that after what had happened with Joel he would hate you which you had come to the conclusion that’s what you wanted all along. You knew that if he hated you he wouldn’t have to grieve when you inevitably vanished.

Every day felt like a blur leading up to the end that you had carefully planned out, when you woke up you would go over every step of your plan making sure to revise it if needed. You tried writing notes to Ellie and Joel but you couldn’t, you didn't want them to grieve you. The whole reason you’d gotten in the fight with Joel in the first place was to distance yourself from him enough to numb any kind of pain he would feel at your passing.

_

It’s been a solid two weeks since Joel’s seen you, and he's started to realize it's been a solid two weeks since anybody's spoken to or seen you. Joel tried to ignore it, he tried to mind his own business as you had told him to, but he couldn’t help it. He knew deep down that he’d fallen in love with you, and no matter how angry he was he couldn’t stay mad. His irritability stayed but for a different reason, because he was worried about you and not because he was mad at you.

Joel lay awaken in his bed, starring at the ceiling searching aimlessly for answers. The sun was long gone and the chilly night air had settled in, but he couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep. He needed to see you, he needed to tell you how he felt, and most importantly he needed to make sure you were okay. Joel rushed out of bed threw on some clothes and was out the door marching over to your house across from his.

He paced up the steps and knocked gently at the door. He stood anxiously waiting for an answer, but it never came. Panic spread through his body and he knocked on the door again, the gentle knocking soon turning into pounding. Cursing he turned the door handle finding it unlocked leaving him with even more anxiety, he pushed through the doorway to find your house in disarray.

A putrid smell filled the room, a smell he was very acquainted with. The smell of a rotting corpse, and he immediately knew what happened. Rushing through the living room to your bedroom he was met with a heart-wrenching sight, your body was strung from the ceiling. Your skin was pale and your eyes had no light, Joel choked out a sob, and his eyes watered. Joel wasn’t phased when seeing death but seeing you like this was something he knew he could never forget.

The person he had loved so deeply was gone, taken away from this world by her own hands. The woman he thought he could finally settle down with, the one he had shared so many memories with good and bad. And the worst part was he never got to tell you how he felt, and you would never know. Joel dropped to his knees in front of your cold shell of a body, his tears blurring his vision and his throat burning as bile crept up from his stomach.

“I love you.” he sobbed out pathetically, finally saying the words he had yearned to say to you for so long. But it didn’t matter, because you weren’t here and you never would be again. You have returned to the stars.