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are some of you guys computer viruses be honest

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Still trying to come to terms with the fact I’ll never be a librarian who can speak a dead language and be recruited by a ruggish but handsome explorer for a quest to lift the curse and save the world

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what are the symptoms of being fergalicious

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(pulls out my 9ct gold victorian temperance charm with pop out bone devil)

"mikey what should i order?"

"get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days"

(puts 9ct gold victorian temperance charm with pop out bone devil back in pocket)

"uh-ah, combo with fries please."

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Justin McElroy’s unfortunately scheduled spaghetti tweet getting posted as the capitol was being invaded by right wing domestic terrorists is the only thing that has genuinely made me laugh in the last 24 hours

I mean:

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My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

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Why was Bo Katan like “Oh he’s part of one of THOSE weird, cult-like Mandalorian offshoot groups” excuse me Ms. Death Watch I don’t think you have room to talk.

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if youre horny for any of the animal crossing animals i’ll kill you

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4-2-2011

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The whiplash of feeling excited and hopeful about Blue Georgia to the horror and anger over witnessing an actual live fascist coup. January 6th sure is a day.

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Can someone kindly and patiently explain to me, who is bean dad and what happened? Please keep in mind that I have no idea what even bean is in reference to, I don’t know who the McElroy brothers are. I know nothing

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Eugene gets me

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DJ MeowMix

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I’m NOT gonna say it again

SEASONINGS include herbs and spices, along with minerals and chemicals used to season food!!!! Salt, citric acid, and MSG, are all examples of seasonings that are NOT herbs or spices!

HERBS are flavorful leaves. Only. Leaves. Doesn’t matter if its dried, fresh, whole, or ground, if it is a leaf, it is an herb

SPICES are flavorful parts of plants that are NOT LEAVES. These include seeds, berries, stems, bark, roots, flowers, buds… NOT LEAVES

THANK YOU

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The Mandalorian is taking the “lone wolf, I work alone, I don’t make friends” irony trope and knocking it up to 200.

Oh, you want to stoically do your bounty hunting job by yourself?? Too bad. Here’s 125 new bests friends and a son. We’re building community whether you like it or not. See you at the PTA meeting later, bitch.

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Carrie Fisher as Leia Organa & Harrison Ford as Han Solo THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: BEHIND THE SCENES