toxxicognaths

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The desire to apologize for every minute detail of every single action I take or word I speak is so fucking overwhelming I hate it. Especially because I know almost every bit of it is an irrational thought brought on by anxiety and/or self hatred n self esteem issues. But knowing that has never made a single dent in stopping the thoughts from flooding over my mind. At this point I feel like stitching my mouth shut and becoming a complete recluse with no social ties would be the only way to stop these feelings but that's obviously not an option. Could kill myself but that in itself is a bad idea for a while separate host of reasons and if I'm dead I can't apologize for being dead and leaving my loved ones anyway so definitely can't do that.

And especially when it's things I've expressed to people already just... God it fucking sucks. I'm never hurt or annoyed when people reiterate to me that these thoughts aren't based in reality and there's nothing to apologize for or whatever. Like. They're stating facts, facts I need to hear. Even if they wanted to word it like "stop being crazy spazzoid" I wouldn't mind. I just fucking hate when it's something that ends up casting the blame towards someone else. Like a worry I have that ends up implying someone is lying to me or secretly hates me or wants to hurt me in some way when I know that isn't the case. Like I hate that my brain will actively hear people give me words of reassurance and then spit it back in their faces claiming it's a lie or a platitude at best or that I just somehow know better and they're wrong and no, the irrational thought that tells me I'm inherently evil and awful is right and you're wrong for thinking I'm anything more than scum. Like it's just like soooo fun to have an active fucking war zone in your head anytime you interact with anyone! I love it! I wish I never made any of the social ties I've ever made and truly expressly hope I never make any more ever again! Because I can't keep doing this! I can't keep living like this! I can't keep hating myself so much that my own mouth isn't enough and I have to shove words into other peoples' at every turn! It's not enough that my brain twists my own thoughts into a labyrinth of suicidal ideation and self hatred and catastrophization, I have to force other people to join in on it depsite knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that those people don't harbor any ill will towards me! I fucking hate this! I hate that I could ever be so awful so as to wish I hadn't met some of the most beautiful and kind souls in this world. That because I feel like I don't deserve them I have to convince myself that they feel the same way. I hate that I would ever think such awful things about good, honest people.

I'm so exhausted. I'm so sick of being the person that I am. I wish I was anyone else. I wish I had never existed in the first place. I wish that no one else in the world was aware of my existence. I want to wake up one day and find that everyone has forgotten who I am and that nobody wants anything to do with me. That way if I somehow have done any good in my life for anyone at least that won't be undone.

I know it's fucking insane and crazy and irrational to think I actively harm people by being in their life to any extent but I think this feeling has spiraled out of anxiety around my suicidal ideation. I'm worried I will someday hurt myself or succeed at killing myself and that'll of course effect the people in my life. And that's morally wrong to put them through that. So, by knowing me, I am putting people in harm's way because I can't currently see myself living without suicidal thoughts. I would like to get professional help and maybe medication to deal with all this but I know I'll never be able to afford it. I don't want people to worry about me. Of course expressing that to someone is never anything more than an expression of care, compassion, and love, but it burns so terribly to hear that someone is worrying about me or my mental state. I hate that I put people through that. And for /me/ of all people. God's sake.

I hate that no matter how many times someone can tell me I haven't done anything wrong or hurt them and know that they mean it, know they're being honest, know they only have my best interests at heart, I can't believe them. Not for long, anyway. I know myself to be a terrible, irredeemable monster of a person and I can't understand why or how anyone sees me as anything better than that. I'm so tired.

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Mouse MD

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DANCE CARD

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I lost everything... but I still hold on to hope ✨

My name is Mo'men, and I’m a young Palestinian who dreamed of a bright future after high school.

Instead of celebrating, I found myself running for my life, escaping bombs, destruction, and fear.😥

Our home was crushed into dust 🏚️. My brother lost his job. My school and my sister’s university turned into shelters for displaced families.

We fought for survival for six long months under bombs and siege, until we finally reached Egypt, carrying nothing but a few plastic bags... and a lot of broken dreams.💔

Today, we have no home, no income, no safe place to call our own.

My father is suffering with severe back pain and can’t work. Medical bills, daily expenses, even the hope of renting a small home—we simply can’t afford it anymore.🥺

But despite everything, I refuse to give up. I still dream of going to university, of rebuilding my life, of standing on my own feet and helping my family.

This is why I need your help.

Even a small donation—£10—could be the light we desperately need right now.🙏🏻🥺

It can help us rent a home, cover urgent medical expenses, and let me chase my dreams again.🙏🏻

Be one of the first to stand with us.

Be the reason hope lives on.

🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸

Please donate or share our story:

gofund.me/5cdd060e ❤️

🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸🍉🇵🇸

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Yesterday, Nader @abdalsalam2000 witnessed three people martyred and multiple injured from an explosion in his displacement site in Gaza. You can read his description of what happened in more detail in his post here. It’s not the first time, and it unfortunately most likely won’t be the last time he has to see something like this. This is the reality of his life in Gaza under the occupation. No one should have to experience this, and especially not a seventeen year old. Nader has lost many relatives and his home in the past one and a half years, and has been displaced more than ten times. All of this at only seventeen years old.

He is raising money to support his family of eight, which includes one year old Iman and his father Ahmed who has cancer. It’s very urgent to get Ahmed the healthcare he needs and evacuate as soon as the border opens, especially because he hasn’t had access to treatment for a long time because of the destruction of the healthcare system. Food is also extremely expensive in Gaza now.

Please help Nader and his family survive this genocide ❤️🇵🇸 Donate and/or share this post so it can reach people who are able to donate. You can help give Nader hope in these devastating circumstances

€30,610 raised out of 50,000. Let’s aim for 31,000 soon ❤️

@tamamita @rhubarbspring @heritageposts @dirhwangdaseul @neechees @butchniqabi @feluka @socalgal @finalgirlabigailhobbs @darthteeth @newporters @pikslasrce @vampiricvenus @danlous @loumandivorce @jackiedaytona @deepspaceboytoy @autisticmudkip @nashvillethotchicken @femmefitz @pitbolshevik @innerchildabortionclinic @omegaversereloaded @boobieteriat @mens-rights-activia @ot3

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DAVID HARBOUR Thunderbolts* (2025)

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The fuck kind of person is the first zoomer pope gonna be

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With Violaine et Jérémy for Theatre des Bouffes du Nord 20-22 Visual Identity

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really could go for someone’s tongue in my mouth right about now

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"A snack? For me?"

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Bruno Munari, Tutti diversi – tutti assieme, 1989 [Private Collection]

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The Israeli entity is openly talking about occupying and invading Gaza. It has mobilized 60,000 soldiers and named the operation "Gideon's Vehicles." Please, we will face many massacres. Please do something. Donate so we can leave Gaza as soon as possible. We are in dire need of your donations now to leave Gaza . Please Don't skip me, Please Donate.!!!

PLEASE HELP ME WITH A DONATIONS SO I CAN GET OUT GAZA AND ESCAPE THIS WAR AND GENOCIDE.!!!

My campaign vatted by :

@gazavetters in line(#197) and @90-ghost and @a-shade-of-blue

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Habitat - 32 colours