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[so horny my penis is whistling like a tea kettle] what? i cant hear you over my penis

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does anyone hve any sin recommendations i just fell from the garden of eden five seconds ago

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my new job is so good except for this part

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Last name politicians

Trump

DeSantis

Haley

Biden

Warren

Klobuchar

First name politicians

Kamala

Bernie

Pete

Hillary

Jeb

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rainbow dash thinks hard

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pet peeve of mine whenever I talk about being bisexual online and people want to make it about them

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what the fuck

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guys. i really like you. it's nice to be on this dashboard together

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suicide note that says "don't let them think the haters won I just had other shit going on"

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Mario has been kissed by at least two canonically transgender women. I have to surpass him

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Hanging with 6 year olds is REALLY funny

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i was in Missoula last week and i heard how often people run into Hank Green and i kept being terrified I'd run into him like he was fucking Goro Majima

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id be unstoppable if it wasn't for the evil brain disorder

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Snails huddle together in dry conditions to conserve moisture. As a child, I found a pile of snails during a drought. I assumed they were empty and something had eaten them because the first couple shells I picked up had no visible bodies. I collected my cool shell haul and brought it inside and placed it on the windowsill. My grandmother awoke in the middle of the night to 12+ very alive snails crawling around in the kitchen.

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the funny thing about socializing cats at the animal shelter is that it can sometimes be quite difficult to tell the difference between a cat who's very scared, but unwilling to move or hiss, and will strike or bite if you touch them, and a cat who's a little scared and unwilling to move, but doesn't mind being touched. which means that sometimes I go through the whole process of acclimating a cat to my hand being in their kennel, getting them used to my hand as a moving object, slowly making my way closer and closer to them, testing which angles of approach bother them the least, and eventually making contact, only for the cat to look at me like "thanks for finally petting me. are you stupid or something?"

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