traceeyj

[traceeyj]

When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

[traceeyj]

“You can’t always be pushing people away. Someday nobody’ll come back.”

—

Jacqueline Woodson

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[traceeyj]

“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”

—  Cassandra Clare, City of Glass (via coral)

[traceeyj]

my hidden talents include romanticising everything, oversharing, crying, and overthinking 

[traceeyj]

reblog if ur mom is smart and beautiful

[traceeyj]

you still have so many years to meet so many people you never knew you could love so much

[traceeyj]

friend: wow you’re such a kind person!

me: 

[traceeyj]

“She wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second.”

— Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook (via perrfectly)

[traceeyj]

I am so afraid of disappointing the people I love, I often forget that I am someone I love too. And I need kindness just as much as I believe the people I love do.

Nikita Gill

i matter

(via serious)

[traceeyj]

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love (via minuty)

[traceeyj]

someone: are you okay?

me: :)

someone: is that a yes?

me: :)

[traceeyj]

I had a conversation yesterday that I honestly thought I might never have. I thought I would die without having said those words. I felt like i crossed over into another dimension when it was over.

So much has changed in the last three days it is unreal. Everything is spinning and shifting and morphing but it’s 100% for the better.

I need to speak up. Online I can say so much and share so many of my thoughts but I really hide those things from the people around me. And it doesn’t matter who reads what I write, I’m realizing how much it matters how people learn things about you. The people in my world know about me but they don’t know me. I don’t even know myself as well as I thought I did.

It’s just different when you look someone in the eye and say something to their face. When you choose to share information with someone one on one, it’s a moment of bonding that won’t come if they read it in a place where anyone can read it. Even if what you’re saying is public information, it’s still different when you personally share that with someone. It’s important and it’s what creates real relationships.

I have been shallow this year. I’ve avoided the core issues I’m dealing with and blamed most of my emotions on more surface level things. I have victimized myself, I have hidden from the world and I have not grown much in the ways that really matter.

There have been positives, it wasn’t all bad. But I know I need more. I know I haven’t been happy by focusing on these shallow things. I have focused on what people can see, not what’s really there. I have focused on the future, not the present. I have basically become the girl in pretty pink which is ironic because I wrote that song over a year ago. I already understood that those things were bad and that lifestyle leads to a dead end. It’s funny how you can 100% grasp a concept and think you’re totally good on it yet slowly stop putting it into practice until you wake up one day and realize you’re now far on the other end of the spectrum.

My confidence has no roots. My self esteem is bleeding. My worth has been based on fabricated feelings. It can all blow away in the wind and I’ll be left with nothing. That’s why I have been so sad, I’m seeing it finally. It is a product of my lifestyle and priorities. I’ve been doing it all wrong and it’s crazy how much I tricked myself into thinking I had it all handled.

This is a strange concept but I feel like I’ve been losing my morals. I still don’t do any of the things I’m against but every time I say no, I don’t know why. I haven’t had a clear picture of why I’m not okay with these things. This year I lost the feeling behind it. It’s not about a presence of bad but more of an absence of good. I feel like an empty ghost and the more the good leaves my life, the more room there is for evil and that disturbs me.

I don’t wanna be empty anymore. I hate that I barely contribute anything to the world these days. I don’t want to spend my time thinking about myself 24/7. I’ve been focused on what makes me “happy” but not what makes me fulfilled. I need meaning. I need to help. And it’s not just about volunteering for strangers (which I need to do) but sharing my gifts and my light with people in my immediate world. I don’t engage in many conversations anymore, I have become so detached. People come to my house and I stay in my room. I don’t like to meet people anymore if they’re not “exciting”. I have lost the value of humanity.

I just want to do a total reset and I thank my sister Christina for bringing all this to my attention. I HATE WHEN SHES RIGHT but mostly because I hate being wrong. And I have been really wrong and I don’t wanna be like this anymore. I want my light back. I want my life to mean something and more than just “oh once a year I release a song that helps people and that’s my good deed”. Like my time needs to be worth something, to myself and the people around me. I have way more to give than this. I don’t want this dark emptiness to control me anymore. This is not who I am.

[traceeyj]

You’ll meet her. She’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her

Pan’s Labryrinth (via help-n-quotes)

[traceeyj]

do you think Taylor wrote the line I check it once I check it twice so she could use it when Christmas rolls around

[traceeyj]

[traceeyj]

First admit that you are unhappy. Then admit why. Then understand you need to let go. Allow yourself a moment. Breathe in the moment deeply. Then the healing will begin.

Nikita Gill, How to Start Healing (via thelovejournals)

[traceeyj]

🖤