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I wish I could reply to Google reviews.

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I wish I could arrange my artists on Spotify by number of liked songs.

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Thought-to-speech technology that gets hacked by people who want text messages from their pets while they are at work, only to immediately regret it because their pets text them the dumbest things, and the only way to get any kind of a clear image of what's going on is texting the other pets for cross-reference.

Like you get a text from your dog going "END IS HERE DOOM IS COMING URGENT URGENT SEND TEXT G-D HAVE MERCY, HUMAN COME HOME IMMEDIATELY", (you have no idea why the text translator has decided that your dog is jewish, but that doesn't feel important enough to look into or change) and before you do, you text the cat like "what's going on?"

And the cat replies "sunshine is turned off, window is cold >:C" so okay that's a clue. You've got a monitor lizard that doesn't do much monitoring, but will reply with whatever the lizard is feeling right now if you text "?" first.

"hwrmbglhlr the earth rumbles are sexy", replies the lizard. Okay, so dog panic, no sunshine, and the lizard is sensing vibrations. Oh, there's a rain storm overhead. Fuck's sake.

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I lifted, but it did not peel.

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Pleasantries aren't pleasent

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Not me, obviously

Me looking at a clock:

Who do you work for

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I love that the memes and style of posting Redditors are bringing over are very Tumblr-esque but they're not quite the same, with just enough distinction they have an ever so slight different vibe to them.

It's like convergent evolution where we've both got wings but one's leathery, the other feathery, or we're both large aquatic swimmers but one has gills, the other a blowhole, and we inhabit slightly different but potentially overlapping niches.

Twitter users on the other hand evolved from us after leaving the population and are now unrecognisable.

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For some reason it doesn't matter how long I sleep. 10 hrs feels the same as 6.

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What an epic human

Buster Keaton

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Sometimes I forget okey is an acceptable spelling of okay