tragicluvglu-blog - Tumblr blog

[tragicluvglu-blog]

brokeness

i think why im like this is because i keep telling myself something’s wrong with me. nothings wrong with me. you can use help from friends without being a dependent person. im being so hard on myself saying that i only look for happiness in men. i dont. a heartbreak is a natural response. sadness in response to rejection is normal. im back to normal im not depressed. i was for a minute. but im fine now. im not broken. im fine. i need to stop telling myself i have a mental illness because then i see myself as less than others. i do feel anxiety and sadness and that shouldnt take away from my struggle but theres nothing inately wrong with me. yes i was depressed. yes i was feeling stressed and anxious but that doesnt mean something is wrong with me or that im broken. my past relationships those experiences didnt fuck me up or break me. i survived that shit. and im perfectly fine. im lucky actually because i have such great people around me constantly lifting me up. and i keep getting lucky that nothing worse happens to me. my life is so beautiful. and im gonna do something great one day.

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sometimes its hard to breathe

im stronger now and i know i shouldnt let these things get to me. but sometimes its hard to breathe. my whole body tenses up trying not to cry. a lump in my throat forms and all the bad thoughts flood in. that little bit of rejection is threatening to break me but im stronger now. im trying not to hear that person tell me “youre not that special”. at the time, it didnt bother me. but after being rejected from someone the hurtful things that someone said that you were able to brush off before, you reconsider them. maybe they were right. the person i like doesnt like me back so maybe that kid in my class was right. maybe im not that special. maybe im just some stupid girl. and i am. i have other good qualities though. i have to remember that. i can be funny and charming and beautiful if im having that type of day. but sometimes it gets hard to breathe and i cant be that sparkly girl. i dont have the energy to be myself. i become a statue because its better than being broken.

[tragicluvglu-blog]

im doing better

looking at my last last post i see ive been depressed for awhile even before breaking up with my ex or meeting my new boyfriend and then losing him too. i was already depressed. but its ok because im finally feeling better. i made friends that i actually like and i feel good. like i can be an adult and do shit. i feel free. and guys they can help that or they can fuck it up. idk yet well see where this journey takes us. im gonna continue trying to stay positive and better myself though

[tragicluvglu-blog]

rediscovery

i made this account to vent about my ex but now were broken up and ive been needing an outlet to just complain to so i dont have to complain to my friends. so yea im gonna use this now to document my college experiences. right now im talking to several guys and i really like one but he doesnt like me back and then theres one that i think is cute asf but hes a little bit spacey. then theres one i met tonight that i really vibe with like i could talk to him for hours but im not attracted to him. those are the 3 most interesting ones. oh yea and then theres this one guy i met and hes fucking crazy and fucking adorable but hes too crazy so i dont see him romantically but hes so interesting to talk to cause he says so much fucked up shit. and next time this shit will be more sappy but im not in love so im just normal kaya. and i need to be normal moon. so maybe its a good thing he didnt like me so i can focus on being normal moon.

[tragicluvglu-blog]

im not doing well

all my good friends are at home. my boyfriend is at home. my family is at home. and im so sad about all of this that i cant enjoy anything. i miss my boyfriend more than anything. and he doesnt even miss me. he says he does but i dont see it in his actions. he wants to stay out all night at some party when he doesnt even like shit like that hes not just going for a few hours nope all day. with his female “best friend”. that party is literally everything i hated about high school. and he seemed so excited for it like its so lame. im so lame. i find joy in nothing. i just cry all night and wake up and fake energy throughout the day.

[tragicluvglu-blog]

somethings missing

you took me back. but its different now. you dont love me like you used to. and i feel like im being selfish. i got what i wanted. but i didnt. i didnt get the full you. youve been different. sometimes i think you only took me back for that one day of bliss. and youre just waiting to meet someone else so you can dump me. part of me knows thats not true. im being selfish. and clingy. you need time to process your feelings. bad things happen to you. things i don't understand. things i cant really help with no matter how much i might try. the whole day has been bad. and yesterday too. we dont have anything to say and when i do say something you hear me but you dont listen. and i look at you with all the love in my heart and you dont look at me at all. and then you leave. you even leave earlier thanyou have to because thats how little you want to see me. and me i stay in this room all day. waiting for you to love me. disappointed when it doesn't happen but still hopeful because im desperate to make this work. i need this to work. i need you.

[tragicluvglu-blog]

please

please take me back. i was stupid. and i didnt think. and i just want you. i want your smile. i want to lay in your lap or in your arms. i want you to be my boyfriend and i want to be your girlfriend. i dont want to feel like theres a hole in my heart. i dont want you to hate me or worse not care about me at all. i dont want to never see you again. i want to spend my life with you. i wanna give you that special birthday present that i promised you. i want to do nice things for you. i wanna make you food. i want you to make me food. i want to get high together. i want to get drunk together. i wanna feel and experience more with you than we already have because i want you. i miss you. i love you.

[tragicluvglu-blog]

your hair was a mess today and your eyes looked heavy but you still smiled like the moon and stars had perfectly aligned.

journal excerpt #1 – 04/05/17 (via uhnsaids)

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you said ‘forever’ but you really meant ‘until there’s someone better.’

by shelby leigh (via nothingwithoutwords)

my fear

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🖤

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little self care tips

- apply Vaseline to your eyes, lashes, brows, and lips before bed

- never brush curly hair while it’s dry

- on that note, applying products/oil to curly hair while dry is useless

- use a t shirt to dry hair to avoid frizz

- sleep without pants. trust me.

- avoid watery body lotions like Vaseline’s lotion. only dries you out

- avoid crystalline, jagged scrubs (sugar, coffee. St. Ives, etc.). Use round/gentle ones like oatmeal

- avoid coconut oil on face. if you apply it to your hair wash your face afterwards

- don’t put lemon on your face. it might seem like it’s helping but it weakens its protective layer in the long run. if you do use it, dilute it and avoid sun for a while.

- no toothpaste on pimples either it’s a myth

- why do u have a bra on at home. take that shit off and live a little.

- apply deodorant before getting dressed so it doesn’t rub off on your clothes defeating the purpose

- reapply sunscreen every 3-4 hours

- don’t text the fuckboy he don’t care about you

- wake up 30 minutes earlier to have a more relaxed morning and avoid rushing

- wash panties by themselves so you don’t get the gross dirt and germs from your other clothes mixed in. dry them in the sun to kill bacteria if possible.

- hand wash all hijabs they’ll last longer

- don’t use rose water with added fragrance. always check label

- eat at least one fruit or vegetable a day

- leave menial tasks for the end of the day. don’t drain yourself before getting to the important stuff

- before saying something mean or a nasty joke, take 5 seconds to think about it.

- apologizing first doesn’t make you weak

- being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak

- exfoliate after using foundation or powder

- clean phone screen with rubbing alcohol/sanitizer

might add more later or y'all can reblog with your own tips

[tragicluvglu-blog]

Do you like these facts? Follow @dailypsychologyfacts for more!

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She realized, anything could happen. Literally. So humbly beautiful, how amazingly frightening.

Nicole Davenport (via themotivationjournals)

[tragicluvglu-blog]

I will never forget the first time we held hands. The soft touch of our palms. The uncertainty relieved with our fingers locked together. My stomach bursting with butterflies. It was something so underrated yet so gentle,so perfect and so powerful. Funny how starlight was brought forth by two imperfect hands. For holding your hand felt like holding your soul.

Brushing Palms // Conee Berdera (via wnq-writers)

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Thanks for listening.