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When this comic was published in 1991, it was the biggest event that had ever taken place in my life. I bought 6 copies of this comic when I was 12 years old. Why did I buy 6 copies? Because it was the biggest event that had ever taken place in my life, and the comic book industry and my local comic book store owner (his name was Al … Big Al, and I’ll never forget him) had us all convinced that, much like the first issues of comics released in the 1960s, each copy of X-Force #1, each of the MILLIONS of copies of this comic that they sold, would eventually be worth thousands of dollars. They actually poly-bagged this comic with one of five trading cards in order to make us feel like we HAD to buy multiple copies, like it would be financially irresponsible of us NOT to, and this was the first time in the history of such bullshit that they ever did that. So, of course, I bought five bagged copies which I did not open, and a reading copy, because that is what I had to do. And I still have them to this day.

Do you know how much these comics are worth today? Less than what I paid for them. Do I carry any animosity which I unfairly take out on Rob Liefeld on my Tumblr blog which is nearly as pathetic as buying six copies of this comic when I was 12? Yes. Yes I do. Waitwaitwait… I just found two more copies under the sink in the bathroom.

Does anybody want to buy these off me? (X-Force #1 - Aug 1991)

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Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

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New college, Oxford

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From Here to Eternity (Fred Zinnemann, 1953)

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New TBR for January 🍒

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vampirism poses the question "what if there was a fundamental, horrible, unending well of want in your soul that, if truly satisfied, would lead to great pain for all those you hold closest and, in turn, their absolute and total revilement of you?" and naturally as a person with no problems I don't relate to this in any way at all.

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• even on vacation. I’m still reading. ~~

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Had my first exam today. Crim law.

And I got sick two days ago. Couldn't take a make-up exam or get an accomodation in time, so I had to go in masked up and coughing like crazy.

I think I did okay at least, though one of the essays literally felt like a write-on prompt for a law review.

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well read women are so attractive. yes i do want to hear about the character that you've psychoanalyzed. and yes i want you to explain the entirety of the lore and setting of that book series you're reading right now

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Books I bought in London!

Bought a wide variety of books from egyptian myths and history to fiction. I went to Hatchard’s, London Review and Daunt Books, both egyptian history books are from the British Museum

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Book Haul

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店

音読み　おんよみ　テン

訓読み　くんよみ　みせ、たな

英語　えいご　store, shop

あの店では良質の食料品を売っている。 あの みせ では りょうしつ の しょくりょうひん を うって いる。 They sell good foods at that shop.

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Am I alone in the feeling that not every book needs to be a series?

I get it, it’s so fun to continue on with the story and make this giant world with intricate details, but I really just want it to end sometimes.

I love a good interconnected standalone, but not every book needs one !! Just let it be done please.

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Last snow of 2025 ❄️

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finished the first year of my master's <3