transmascfloret

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ok so extremely controversial take: haustoric implants & tranquilisers have given the affini too much power over their florets and robbed the setting of one of the most foundational aspects of pet ownership: trying to get your pet to stop fucking doing something and it just not working

catgirl florets should constantly knock over all the furniture in their affini's hab every time they recompile it, and also scream uncontrollably whenever it's time to go to the vet. doggirl florets should bark at socially inconvenient times and make their owners feel embarrassed + should also need to be told to heel like 7 times before they actually stop sniffing that other floret over there. birdgirl florets wake their affini up at 5 am in the morning during the spring and also will not stop pecking their flowers during feeding time

also like, if you've ever owned two rescue cats that have trauma, those bitches can live together for 10 years and still have beef with each other and that shit is not fixable. you should sometimes have affini with two florets who like, occasionally just sit there at the top and bottom of the stairs glaring at each-other for half an hour because they both want to be where the other one is but neither of them wants to walk past the other

i know the in-lore explanation for this is "the affini would just make them play nice with each other" but my point is: you can't do that with pets irl and i think it's removing complexity from the setting in an uninteresting way when the affini don't ever have to work around undesirable behaviours in their pets & can just fix everything. part of pet ownership irl is that pets aren't perfect, they do annoying shit sometimes- sometimes all the time- and you love them anyway. it lessens the emotional value of affini taking florets if they can just make their pets never ever do anything they don't like, by taking away that element of "you are so fucking annoying sometimes but i love you anyway"

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Affini might not be real but florets sure are. You just have to find a suitably traumatized queer person and give them affection and they will literally beg you to put them on a leash

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Affini vines are made to restrain dumb little flowers like me

You agree. You reblog.

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too proud of this drawing to wait to post it tbh

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The best unintended consequence of reading hdg is randomly figuring out how to translate various hairstyles into plant life

Like my brain just provided large sprigs of lavender as something like freeform locs? Flower buds as bantu knots?

I can also imagine an affini who researches the plantlife of earth and falling in love with sunflowers and getting them as two Bun type things

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a sketch of Thatch from Divaricated.

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I think I’d be the most insufferable seed in hdg. I’d probably complain about how I’d LOVE to get domesticated, but only by the right Affini, because while I’m likely down for a lot of things I’m not going to be a good partner in equality. I mean sure they don’t exactly desire for things beyond your own desires but still I’d feel guilty at using a free service you know? Not to mention I’m not always down for the kinky shit, and I’d want to get with one that’s fine with boundaries. And I’d keep on saying stuff like that to the Affini sitting across from me at the local cafe as their patience increasingly dwindles down to the point where they’ll just have to domesticate me to get me to shut up

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Miss Methana Sacchara from A Visitor to the Ranch

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Affini One: "These Terrans are incapable of saying something that isn't concerning."

Affini Two: "They're not that bad."

Terran, walking by: "I mean pain just means that you're alive, right?"

Other Terran, walking by: "So true, man."

Affini One: "Okay I see your point."

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Witch Affini with a terran familiar, is this anything?

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Affini realizing that the regular trauma she was treating in this Terran is just the surface as she hears this precious little creature utter the phrase: "Protestant Work Ethic"

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It would sure be a shame if any eight foot tall plant-based aliens decided to stop me from enjoying my 60 hour work week.

*Shoots radar SOS messages into space*

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I think if the affini were real I'd join the feralists not in a real attempt to avoid domestication but because getting domesticated the hard way looks more fun.

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An errant thought occurred to me while I was busy earlier.

Affini can take on almost any form they need to. But what if a floret found it difficult to talk to just... a person? Well, they could always... spread outward, vines unwrapping and shifting across the room, up the walls and along the ceiling. Flowers blooming on every surface as the hab's artificial lighting is overtaken by the warm, amber glow of eyes from everywhere, observing you.

Essentially, you live within her. And it's perfect.

See, that haustoric implant embedded within you is so, so good at working out what you need and what you're thinking. Sure, there's the biorhythms from every single surface constantly surrounding you and enveloping you like an eternal hug of the soul, but the temperature within is always perfect, the air always flawlessly humid, even furniture like chairs, tables, and other surfaces forming from the endless expanse of vines that make the place look and feel like a rainforest.

And, if you find yourself even the slightest bit needy for even a thing - attention, stimulation, enrichment, or pleasure being reasonably common - you'll feel the floors begin to ripple as vines slip from the beautifully patterned surfaces in which you live, your every need being met with just a thought. You don't need to worry about saying a word, she understands. She wants you to be comfortable in her embrace, even if it's not the embrace of another Terran-like form.

You're such a good floret, after all.

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how do we feel about oral injection

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It might not be a critique inside the fandom but I've seen it outside the fandom

A critique I've seen of HDG is "you'd have no control over your life" and idk, I feel like I have so little control over my life now.

the main difference is here it's due to capitalism, ableism, and transphobia and I have to largely take care of myself. Whereas in HDG, I would be fed, clothed, my disabilities accommodated for, my transition would be done in a week And I'd have a large hot plant person caring for me the entire time.

If I'd have no control over my life, at least HDG is safe and sexy

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Rosanna Bianchi, Independent Terran, has been living her best life under the Affini Compact for ten years, and has recently started hooking up with Blossom, a subby little floret who makes her feel truly special.

There's just one tiny little hitch... Blossom is an affini.

Can Rosanna navigate this dance and get what she wants? Or will she be inevitably drawn to orbit her submissive?

A Human Domestication Guide story, written be me and @once-a-singlet-nevemore, with original art by @sheepwavehdg.