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Five asexuals are playing cards.

One starts to explain the rules: 

I’d say no cheating, but there are already five aces at the table.

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The newest chapter of Heir Apparent!

Immediately upon Apparating himself and Harry into their parlour, Voldemort was accosted by Flopsy.

She was holding a carving knife more than three-quarters her size. An unwashed carving knife. Strands of meat still clung to it, gelatinous and pink.

“Master Lord Voldemort,” she greeted with a smile that was more of a grimace, though it grew considerably fonder when directed at Harry. “Master Harry.” She approached him with an expression of swiftly growing concern.

Harry lifted a woozy hand, grinning lopsidedly. “’Sup, Flo?”

Flopsy’s face darkened like a tiny thundercloud. She scowled accusingly at Voldemort. “You drugged him.”

“I. What? No.” Then Voldemort realised how absurd it was to be defending himself to a miniature enslaved creature whose wrinkly pate only just reached his knee. “Your precious golden boy merely got himself inebriated with a teenage girl who should have known better. As should he.”

Harry nodded amiably. “He’s right, she gave me these mermaids. On bottles. Mermaid bottles. Very nice. Very… blue.” Harry gesticulated as if he could physically describe a shade of blue, nearly smacking Voldemort’s nose in the process.

“Master Lord Voldemort let Master Harry get drunk on mermaid wine?” Flopsy thunked the tip of the blade into the wooden floorboards below, leaving a dent. “This is not what responsible parents be doing.”

Why on earth was Voldemort letting this pustulant little critter judge his parenting? “I hardly let him—”

“He was busy with something suh—hic—super important, don’t be mad, Flopsy.” Harry reached down to pat Flopsy’s shoulder cheerfully, almost missing it. “I’m safe! The big bad wolf didn’t even take a bite, damn him.” Harry half-snickered, half-hiccuped. “I mean, I was wearing red and everything…”

Voldemort frowned. Harry wasn’t wearing red. What was he on about? And what wolf?

[READ THE REST HERE]

(And yes, this is the chapter in which Voldemort finally realises he's horny for his "son". Er. Congratulations, my lord?)

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Link to original

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Tim, when he tripped Jason while on slow patrol, and then also gets scolded by Dick when he almost pulled his gun on Tim:

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It really is 2003 again Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Like, all Republicans did was replace Iraq and gay people with Iran and trans people.

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Jaguars swimming

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WARNING: organ trafficking stuff

Sequel to this post

Also inspiration from this fic

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OP is a film & TV makeup artist and demonstrates transformative contouring techniques to alter facial features. (cr 影视化妆师木子樊)

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You know how the Robins were trained to be able to fight enemies way bigger than them, since they started really young and also were taught by Batman (a Very Big Guy)?

It just occured to me that the reverse is also true: Batman is very good at fighting very short enemies.

I wonder if it ever came up.

Like if someone was trying to use their smaller size to their advantage and surprise Batman but it's just. Impossible. There is no move his little hypercompetent gremlins didn't already try against him.

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An emergency phone stand

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✮ double trouble ✮

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I dont think you know how feral I am for the younger revenant and older half ghost thing. I was obsessed when you originally posted the idea. Just Jason strolling in and finding this random clock maker in charge of crime alley? And Danny seeing this young revenant trying to walk all over his territory?

I'm not the biggest fan of the potential age gap, but I can see it. I dont think Jason would like this situation at all for a while, and he would hate it in the most homoerotic way possible

I've just had this moment in my head where Danny confronts Jason and he's all like "It's adorable that you think you're alive. That you're still human" and his eyes slowly glow brighter as he talks. That's been living in my mind rent free. Danny being the most condescending smug asshole

I just don't think you know how fascinating that little snippet is. And I like your writing enough that im willing to wait and see if you want to write it. It's just really cool and I want to see if any of my thoughts are on the same wavelength, and what im dead wrong about.

LOL no, no, that tracks exactly. Danny would 100% say that to Jason. He finds Jason fascinating for so many reasons--and in no small part because of how much Jason hates it all, as you said, in the most homoerotic way possible.

Jason is all growly and snappy about it all, as if he can do anything to Danny. And Danny has no issue putting Jason in his place--or just where Danny wants him.

Age gap isn't my thing either really, and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship in a lot of ways, at least to start lol, but it is oddly compelling. It might just be letting Danny be the experienced, confident, and slightly amoral one.

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if I ever strike gold and end up writing a popular book series i'd love to keep an eye on the fandom to determine the smallest crackship and make that the only one that goes canon

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dick grayson: Happy father’s day to the man who called the cops on me when he didn’t find me in my room sleeping in the middle of the night and thought I snuck out of the house. dick grayson: I was downstairs in the kitchen eating cereal and also 18. Cheers to you, Bruce.