transparentmoonxv

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 14

Baby when I tell you pissed off. Lmao like I needed this fr. I’m about to ghost everyone, I am done trying rn. I do not have it in me to keep fires going. I do myself a disservice. Im done pouring into dead situations, I am done helping people who don’t help themselves, I am done overthinking peoples actions and motives, what they display/ how I perceive it is what it is. I don’t have time to be overly understanding. And honestly after typing this I’m not mad, I’m hurt.

Fuck everyone

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 13

Hey it’s me again, Yen/Quentin (they’ve been existing simultaneously). Ooo side note I’m going to watch hunter hunter, may even rewatch it stay tuned. <- that’s a stem from the weather. Also I love non academic writing, like this is me. Just saying whatever comes to mind. I’m legitimately smiling while typing this. But yea based on history I write these when I’m at low points, and those low points are usually during the winter. Like when I say the cold is the bane to my existence, like it’s literally my kryptonite. I’ve been feeling sad the last three days, which ngl kinda sucks considering that’s 72 hours of my life dedicated to an emotional I don’t like feeling. I miss my dad really bad, I keep having night terrors. But that man, I really cannot. Like he stresses me out, I need help not mindedness. Likewise with my mom, but in her case I want genuine love and I feel like rn it would be pity. She only treats me right when I’m doing something for her. And I hate that I feel like that. Lord the end has to be greater than the beginning. Like I don’t believe you exit how you entered, there’s no way. Or maybe it’s my perspective. Life isn’t bad, it’s just “lifing” lol. I am blessed and highly thankful, things could be worst. So for that I am thankful. But that pretty much wraps up this post. I’ll be doing these more often I think. It really made me feel better. Till next time

[transparentmoonxv]

Remember to breathe.

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 12

God I need to be me. I don’t like this feeling on uncertainty/this little boy feeling. I want to be myself unapologetically. I don’t feel like I’m a bad person. And I’m tired of feeling like I have to tip toe around my lifestyle. I want/need to expand and grow. Like I feel like I’m in a cage now. I’m ready to go be an adult, it’s kinda scary. But I know I can do it, I handle anything that comes my way fr. God I want to live in my truth, I want a lavish, secure, happy, uplifting life. I want the best out of life. I want to travel, I want to be creative and expand my brand, grow my platform, develop Yen. I see the visions, I’m trying to get there. I need to work hard and make conscious decisions, cut the distractions out. God I pray what I want is also what I need. I just tired of fighting myself, I know who I am. Also lord I pray to live in a home where I feel accepted, love, appreciated, valued and happy in. Lord I want different. I am VERY appreciative, but I feel like I’m noticing signs of this coming to an end. And I just want to be ahead Lord. I’m going to continue following you. I know what I asked, but if that’s not what’s going to get me to the next level. I ask that you ignore those requests Lord. I am maintaining and elevating. Growth,

prosperity and positivity. Till Next Time.

[transparentmoonxv]

Lord I’m kinda hurting again. I haven’t felt like this in awhile. I know I’m not alone. But I feel lonely, I feel like I’m dying on the inside. God I feel numb

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 11

So I went to my family’s reunion in Jersey. And I wouldn’t say traumatizing, but eye opening. I’ve heard my dad’s name more times in one weekend than I would a whole year. I also understand that my problems are not my problems, these problems started before me. If that makes any sense, also I don’t really trust men. And I learned that’s something I also need to work on. I feel like there’s so much…. And I keep having thoughts about being “yen”. But I feel like that’s the wrong path. I gave my life to God, and am asking him to lead me. I need to put my trust in him, and just keep going. Don’t look back. Overall this weekend was a 6/10. Like nfs lowkey wasted my pto lmao. But I’m glad I saw my cousins and spent time with my grandpa. Lord I need help finding myself. Not saying Idk who I am, idk I guess I feel like I’m a bad person? Or actually I like me, and what I do. People around me paint me out to be a bad guy. And yes I do have control issues and some walls up. I don’t want to give anyone an opportunity to hurt me. Honestly I think I’m going to stop stressing and do/be me. And rn in my life I don’t want nor do I have to hear or be around my parents. And everyone around me is just going to have to accept that. After this break, I do want to get back on my business, and remember no matter what the rest of the world is doing you stay authentic! You can do all things through Christ that strengthens. Lord thank you for these outlets. Till next time

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 10

It’s ya boy again. Lord I kinda feel bad for saying this and I feel like I should write it in a journal. Because typing doesn’t feel authentic. Oooo ima put this on my tumblr…… okay now this feels write. Something about Apple notes isn’t it. Anywho, Lord I want to I guess make some motion. I know I have motion, and am extremely blessed and protected. I see the efforts of my hard work paying off. I miss the newness that my “old life” brought me. I miss being in a city full of opportunities. I know I’m not suppose to look back and or compare for multiple reasons. Even down to my look I look back and feel like I’m not amounting to what I did before, when I know that’s not the case. Im not going to mess with the plan. I know if I keep following you Lord, everything will be alright “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me”. Im going to keep working hard, being patient and staying focus. I know I’ll earn my sole independence, I know OGK isn’t going anywhere and I’ll be more authentic and influential with this revamp/rebrand. Lord I really want to thank you for saving me. You really allowed my life to be shaken up, although I needed that. I was letting the money make me, and not the other way around. I get excited when I get in this mode. Because I know things are shifting, I just HAVE to stay focus on my career, personal brand and my clothing brand OGK. I know who I am, and I need to stick to that. Lord I thank you a lot for my experiences and lifestyle. I thank you for the opportunities that I receive. I thank you for the ability to keep up my lifestyle. Not trying be funny but I’m thankful I don’t have any kids and or responsibilities outside of myself. I am REALLY thankful for the lessons I’ve learned, and the teachings I have implemented. I only want to excel, to maintain and grow, be self sufficient. Create my safe haven in this world, and be a positive impact to others. While knowing and understanding when it’s my time to step away. I am not God, I cannot save anyone. I really like this and thank you for listening Lord. It means alot fr. I know someone reading this might call me weird. But I’m grateful for my relationship with you, and idk how many times I can say it but thank you for your overall grace and mercy. I’m going to stay focus and keep following you, I’m going to especially keep working hard. Stay down till you come up. Overall Lord I feel like I’m ready to excel, and I feel it coming. Please just keep me in your arms, and your hands on my shoulders; protecting me and guiding me. It’s in your name I do pray, Amen. Till next time

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 9

I realized who I’m doing this for/the people for my boys and girls club. I’m realizing so much about myself and life. I want to break these generational curses and I’m doing an amazing job. I love God so much for the realization and helping me along this journey of life. I owe him so much. I feel like I understand my purpose, I’m trying so hard to fulfill it. I always pray that I’m doing what God has planned for me. While I’m also realizing I have freedom of choice and not every little choice needs to be a huge consideration, balance. I know I am going to go so far. I can’t wait to update you about my move to Florida, preferably Miami. I know I am going to be so successful out there. I am prepping myself right now. So when I do go out there with all my credentials and skills there is no way I should be or go broke. I know what to do when you move to a new area. I am so excited. I am excited to open my first store. I am excited to discuss the layouts of my dispensary. I am excited about hiring staff for my marketing firm. I also can not wait to pass this knowledge down to whoever the Lord tells me to. Nothing I do is for me. I don’t know who it’s for. But I feel like this is bigger than me. My family will climb the ladder, I have so a strong faith. God is really good. I thank Him for everything.

[transparentmoonxv]

I find this very ironic lmao. I’m never going to not be depressed, just moments of happiness

[transparentmoonxv]

i imagine getting my own place all the time and going down to the grocery store early in the morning before everyone else and to the coffee shop and having a really small place with wide windows and lots of plants and shelves of books and a tiny kitchen where i can make tea and noodles and a bed with a pile of blankets and just a place i can make uniquely my own or maybe a place i could share with someone but i just think about this place a lot

[transparentmoonxv]

“I had a bad childhood. I never learned the proper way to love or be loved. It’s not my fault.”

— How To Get Away With Murder

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 8

I really want to kill myself lol. This is the only place I can say that with no worry of being judged and it feels good. I know I don’t really want to kill myself. I just want the feeling of loneliness to end, and I don’t see it ending really. I feel like I can be a lot for people, honestly I feel like I am a lot for myself. I really just want a hug, and maybe idk. I need to stop being a baby. We can either change, stay the same, or just end it. I also feel like I want to give up on my dreams. Kind of what’s the point anymore. I don’t want kids, I feel alone a lot (some days worse than others). I don’t want to go through this world feeling alone. And maybe I push myself away from people. I know there are people who love and care about me. I just feel bad for not being strong and independent all the time. Which I know nothing is wrong with. I just still feel bad I guess. I’m just tired, and could really use a break. I want to end the loneliness. I understand I’m never really lonely and I have so much to look forward to in life. I haven’t even visited New York yet. I have to keep working to get to those happy moments where I can appreciate and understand the value of life. God I really need a hug and reassurances. I’m sorry for saying this, but I really do feel alone. I’m trying not to drink or smoke bc I know it’s not productive. The only way things will get better is if I work through them. I’m trying Lord, I promise you I really am. I’m just numb, but I know if I stay strong and focused it will get better

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK 8

It has been a very long time since I have made a post. ALOT has changed since then. I now live in Charlotte, and I honestly love my life. SO many things have shifted towards a positive light. My mindset is alot different, I have grown so much, I have experienced so many great (and a few bad things). I am not perfect, although I am the greatest in whatever I do. I have OGK up and running. I praying longevity and prosperity over every aspect of my life especially my business/financial stability. OGK will make 10,000 a month profit. I will hit 10k followers. I am constantly growing and I will continue to constantly grow. I know I can do it. I’m just so anxious and hungry because I have all these bigger plans, I have such a bigger picture for my life and I just want to accomplish more. That’s all I want to do. Greater accomplishments, more success, stability in all areas of my life. I am the greatest. Thank you so much Lord, for blessing me with everything you have gave me. Even down to my personality and mindset. Those two things are what makes me so successful. I started taking medication for my bipolar disorder and anxiety. And that has been extremely helpful. I eat more, I haven’t had to talk myself off a ledge in a long while, and that is a HUGE  blessing. My mind use to play so many games with me, but having the storm be still, is great. My friends and family are doing phenomenal, I know this upcoming year is going to be a huge successful phenomenal year full of blessings we can’t even imagine. It’s about staying focus and staying down till you come up. Lord I pray greatness, prosperity, financial abundance, and longevity over my business (specifically right now OGK). I pray for orders to consistently grow, I pray for my finances and pray that I reach more and more people, while growing my loyal customer base. Please continue to be with me Lord. I just want to be great and accomplish everything I have my mind and heart set on. I know what I want in life, I do not feel guilty for feeling like I deserve what I am striving for. My family will be happy, successful and they are most definitely blessed. I WILL continue to use my blessings to bless others. As I understand this is part of my purpose while being on this earth journey. Everything is happening as it needs to. God is working in your favor, you have to remain faithful and be patient. And those times when you feel like giving up, keep going. I remember you being in a very dark place, months ago. and GOD DELIVERED YOU FROM THAT. Do not forget all the moments he was there and you felt like you weren’t being heard. Whole time God was 10 steps ahead of you, which for me is the exciting part of life, and is what makes it lowkey exciting to live. Because Only God Knows... Thank you so much Lord for everything. Please continue to be with my family, friends and myself. 

[transparentmoonxv]

you can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK7

Honestly it has been months. And I do not know what tot say honestly. Like I know i am writing in incomplete sentences and im distracting myself from saying how I really feel, I guess? I wish I would have read my previous posts but I.. I don’t even know where to start so I guess be raw and unapologetic. Bitches is playing with me frfr, KELYN left me on read like you deadass got me fucked up, micheal bitch ass deadass got me fucked up. I’m ready to take the next step in my business, and idk if its me or if its the. But I Told myself I am done saying it is me. I need to find my world and stick to it and in it. I’m not some lame bum ass nigga. I will have what I want, when I want it. As I have always proven. I am so thankful to be blessed with the resources that I do have, I am very much thankful. I hate mississippi like deadass fr this whole state can burn up like the renowned movie. And I know I have been so mad today, maybe I am going through the five stages of grief????? But what are you grieving. I’mn ready to go out and take on the world I feel like. I do want to fix my mental, I want to find someone that loves me for me and does not actively and consistently get on my nerves. I am a boujie hoodrat, and I love it. I just want people to stop playing with me, and do what I tell them to do. That is it. Also I want to move heavily, I want to make (shit not even want I am going to) my money quadruple. I want that support system that is clsoer and around me, I want to build the life that is for QUENTIN. Not what someone allows me to be. Okay that is why you’re mad, you’re not getting your way. I’m just going to have to figure out how to make it my way. I want my business, I want kelyn, I want to be where I am happy. Till Next Time Friend.. 

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK6

It has been a long ass time since I have updated this. But to give a catch up, right now we are on quarantine due to corona, my job closed down also. I just a few days ago was in nola visiting this dude. And I have been trying to be productive these last two months of quarantine. It gets hard sometimes, and I lose motivation. Also since getting back from nola. I have had a hard time between wanting a “regular” lifestyle. And the lifestyle that is going to give me my dreams. Like I know I’m destined to be great, I am great in whatever I do. Just the journey to get to where I want to be gets real exhausted. Between constantly worrying about my body, my schooling, career, and the hard fight to launch my clothing business. It gets overwhelming, and I constantly find myself choosing between living life, and working towards a life I want to live. I don’t want to get old looking back like damn what did I do all that stressing for. But at the same time I don’t want to get complacent, and lose sight of my dreams, that I have to make come true. Like I literally do not have a choice. So I guess it  is true that you have to give something to give something. Although I do feel like you can have both, like there has to be a way. But looking at the people who have/ are striving for what I want. I don’t really think there is a way like nobody legit nobody has both. I guess I’m tired of heartbreak/not feeling loved. But nigga love yourself, and be content with just that. It’s not selfish to just worry about Quentin, you do not owe anyone shit. lmao I do appear bipolar. But I really do not have much else to say. Other than I will make my dreams reality and I am strong enough to overcome anything that stands in the way of that. Till Next time Friend.. 

[transparentmoonxv]

OGK5

It’s been a minute since I’ve written another post. I’m kind of in the slums today. I feel overwhelmed, like I won’t accomplish everything I want to do. And I honestly don’t know in what order to even go about achieving these things. I also talked to an old friend. But he is “going through whatever he is going through” and would rather be left alone. Which I should be sad about, but I’m not. It could just be a defense mechanism though. I honestly couldn’t tell you. I think it's the weather that has me like this. I can’t wait for the sun to be out and it be hot again. Being pressed over every single aspect in my life is not the kind of life I want to keep living. I’m also coming back from a horrific trip that I just endeared ( I mean trip as in road trip...not drugs). I really feel like it’s just one of them days. I did everything I was soppose to do today. So I guess being lazy is not so harming. I’m just honestly blank for words. A part of me wants to listen to mixtape Nicki, and another part doesn’t want to be in his feelings. I just want to be great, I want everything that I wish for, and that is meant for me. I feel like I push myself and do whatever I need to do to ensure that, but I always fall short somehow. It’s really about mindset, so I need to look at everything as a learning lesson and to better trust myself and my instincts. I will be great, there is not a doubt in that. Because in whatever I do, or decide to be I am great. Also to end this I need to get a psych evaluation. Because I really do think I am bipolar, and I answer myself when I’m talking in my head. Which I don’t see anything wrong with. Other than it conflicts me when making life decisions. A part of me feels like it is the devil, because the other voice is a little more rigid and doesn’t really give a fuck. While the “main voice” is nice and always makes up excuses for peoples actions. As I said before it really doesn’t bother me, until I have to make tough decisions. Like when I use to smoke it would quite the “mean” voice, which is why I feel like the voice is the devil. But it could be chrisitian superstition. OGK (lmao) Anyways Till Next time Friend..