trash-muse

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

With one final squeeze to his hand, Zatanna took a step back and turned to watch the entrance, deciding it was best to give them their space for the time being. This was the other side of John’s heart and she was going to let him pick up the pieces of it in private. Besides, she had seen many a thing of nightmares in her time but nothing was more disheartening than a broken angel.

Short, pained whimpers left the lips of the angel as he was moved, his one good eye screwed shut as he was anticipating going another round with his less than friendly hosts. He could withstand it, it took a lot to break an angel, but also he knew he had to withstand it. That only made the pain hurt ten times over as he knew there was no other option - he wouldn’t sell out John or Adam.

The voice he longed to hear could only mean this was a fever dream, right? He cracked open his eye, half expecting to see a demon grinning down at him as they loved to manipulate reality and many times it was John they plagued him with. They seemed to take extra enjoyment in finding this chink in his armor. It took him a second to focus but when he did…

“…..J-John?” he wheezed, his bruised windpipe preventing him from speaking up. A faint glow surrounded his body as his essence tried to escape the broken vessel in effort to save himself, but the symbol burned into his hip prevented that. It was hard to tell what was fresh or dried blood, or if there was any skin left untouched by blade or bruise.

“..t-too….d…dang..er..” he paused to cough, his whole body seizing at effort. “…rous…”

The pained whisper stoked the angry fire burning within John’s heart but he refuse to acknowledge it on his face. What he wouldn’t give to go out there and burn them all to ash. Give them a taste of their own hellfire as punishment. But he couldn’t. This mission wasn’t about revenge. It was a rescue.

“It’s me, love.” John reassured, a tender hand cradling his angel’s face despite the blood and gore. “It’s me.”

His brown eyes traveled down Az’s body as the angel glowed faintly, honing in on the symbol carved crudely into his hip. John swore under his breath, recognising it immediately. His eyes darted back up to Az’s face as he spoke again, holding him close, not caring that his own clothes would be ruined by the angel’s injuries. There were far more pressing matter than trying to get blood stains out in the laundry later.

“Pftt,” John scoffed at his angel’s warning, the echoes of a cheeky grin from a scrappy young lad in London appearing on his face. “I... no, we have it handled.” He corrected himself, casting a glance back to Zatanna. They were a team now. All in.

With a quick nod to Z, silently asking her to continue to keep watch, John then turned back to Az. He closed his eyes and let the words of a healing spell fall from his lips. It wasn’t his forte, but John found the words and the power to clear up some of the injuries Az sustained. Not all. But enough to give him a little strength to flee this place.

“This next one is going to hurt like a bitch.” John look back to Az with sympathy in his eyes, hating to cause his love pain. His hand moved from Az’s cheek, down to the symbol on his hip. John couldn’t remove it completely but he could change it slightly so Az could hop to a more viable vessel for escaping.

Him.

Once again the words spilled from John’s lips. These ones stronger and well rehearsed. He hissed slightly at the burning sensation on his own hip. The symbol burning into his own flesh while Az’s made the necessary adjustments to make the exchange. There was no way they could get Az’s current vessel out but the pair of magicians had already made arrangements topside to create Az a new one. They just needed to make the trip home.

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

Zatanna rolled her eyes before striding, or more so lumbering, towards the other demonic body guards. Her loves unorthodox appetite for certain things is what got them in many a mess, much like the one they were cleaning up now. He couldn’t blame her for not being quite in the mood for his cheekiness at  the moment.

Through blazing eyes she glared at the demons, no need to hide her disgust as they didn’t exactly extend a friendly greeting. She simply grunted her affirmation and played along with their apparent annoyance at being unable to break the angel. Az was a mighty being but that didn’t mean their words didn’t sink deep when she heard them - she could hardly fathom what an angel’s breaking point must be and the pain it took to reach it.

Once they stepped aside with a few more grumbles, she pushed aside the jagged boulder covering the entrance, pausing just a beat as they closed it behind her. Murmuring a detection spell, she quickly assessed the interior chamber and once it was confirmed that only one other life form was present, she summoned John to her.

The witch flashed his a toothy smile, seeming to say I told you so, before her expression dropped a bit and she nodded for him to go ahead as she caught sight of the lone figure crumpled on the floor, bound in chains. If not for the faint ethereal glow surrounding the broken body she would have thought him dead.

John knew the time and place for his brand of cheekiness was completely off. It was a stress thing. It was how he coped - laughing off the dangerous situation with an improper quip and flipping the middle finger to those who oppose him. It was also how he landed in deeper trouble than what he was already in.

As Zatanna worked her way in to see Az, John waited in the wings, fingers rolling over the lighter in his pocket. The wait was nerve wracking, feeling a lot longer than it probably was. But John was anxious to rescue his love and get them all home to safety. And he wasn’t the only one waiting. Back in a hidden sanctuary there was a little boy keen to have his angel friend returned to him. John remembered the stubborn look on his face before they had left.

“You'll save Azzie, yes?” It wasn’t so much a question, but a command. The fire in Adam’s bright blue eyes gave John no other option but to agree. “Good. And Daddy... I love you.”

John knew they couldn’t fail. There was too much at stake. He may have been a screw up for most of his life, but now was his chance to pull it all together. For him. For all of them.

Another second passed and suddenly John felt the crackles of magic crawl over his skin. One moment he was in the alley, the next, standing in a dank chamber next to Zatanna’s demonic form. The smile he gave back was a poor attempt indeed but John was glad to have his beautiful magi by his side. He reached out, squeezing a clawed hand in his in a silent show of gratitude and love.

Slipping away, John moved further into the chamber, his eyes landing on the crumpled figure on the floor. He moved slowly, despite his desire to run to his angel, keeping himself wary of any traps that may have been laid out for them. However, as soon as he was within reach, John took the last steps quickly, dropping to the floor and pulling Az’s broken body toward him.

“Az, my love,” he murmured, brushing dirty limp hair back from Az’s face. “What have they done to you?” The question was rhetorical, one John never wanted the answer too. “Come on, love. Z and I are here to take you home.”

[trash-muse]

@dark-musngs

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

Sharp blue eyes watched cautiously from underneath the hood of the cloaked figure, seemingly on edge as every tormented scream had her attention. John might be able to joke in such an environment but Zatanna wasn’t quite up to the task. She just wanted to retrieve their fallen comrade and get back to the surface as quickly as possible. As they navigated the unwelcoming environment she stuck close behind him, nose wrinkling as the scent of sulfur continuously grew stronger and filled the humid air around them.

Peering around his shoulder, she noted the different voices and agreed that there only seemed to be three guarding the outside of the room, if one could call it that. “It’s too easy.” she whispered back, brow furrowed as she assessed his suggestion. “Let me try something first…” she placed a hand on his chest to pause him before muttering esiugsid. Her image flickered and soon a six foot demon stood in her place - covered in scales, horns, and even the glowing red eyes. Flashing John a toothy smile, she rounded the corner and approached the others with all the confidence of a hell bottom feeder.

John wasn’t as oblivious as he made out to be of how uncomfortable being in Hell made Zatanna. He was a bit twitchy himself and wanted to get out of there as soon as they were able. But John was also used to hiding behind the teasing and arrogant persona, especially in situations he was uncomfortable in. The ease of he presented was all an act, but one necessary to survive the darkness and cutthroat underworld.

He paused at Zatanna’s words, settling back against the wall in their hiding spot and looking to her with concern in his eyes. John had already jumped into the fray blindly once before back at her apartment when Nick had first returned. It made sense that the situation before them may be similar.

“Alright, love, let’s do it your way.” John murmured back, never taking his eyes off Zatanna as her appearance shifted. He gave her new look an unapologetic once over and smirked. “I still would.” He flirted without shame, knowing it was not the time nor the place to make such a statement.

As Z rounded the corner, the demons on guard looked up but did not get into a defensive stance. “Who are you?” One, who appeared to be the leader of the trio, asked. They eyed Z with suspicion but didn’t appeared to be able to see through her disguise.

“You the one the boss sent down to try and break the angel? Hmph.” The demon continued with a scoff. “We’re Hell’s top torturers and we couldn’t make him scream where that bastard John Constantine is holding up the kid. Good luck to ya.”

[trash-muse]

WHO: John Constantine and Asmodel @dark-musngs WHAT: Ask Meme - 📽 watch a scary movie WHERE: John’s apartment WHEN: Movie night at the Constantine’s WARNINGS: None

“Did you see that, John?” The question rolled off the angel’s tongue amidst chuckles as his eyes watched the so-called scary scene on the screen. 

John hummed in response, leaning into Asmodel’s warmth and feeling quite content snuggled on the couch. It felt like a long time since he had a moment to be still. Between saving Az, locking Neron back in Hell, trying to keep a healthy relationship going with Z and Az, plus raising a little Hellblazer, John was tired. 

“John, are you dozing off again?” Az asked, a teasing note to his voice as he looked down toward the man snuggled against his chest. He didn’t blame John in the slightest for being sleepy, they had all had a trying time the last few months. They all deserve a rest. But when Az suggested a movie night, he wasn’t expected to be watching most of the movie on his own. John said he was watching but Asmodel had a hard time believing his boyfriend could be watching it through his eyelids.

“No.” John started awake, blinking owlishly before looking up at one of his loves. His other love - Zatanna - was doing a late night performance so it was just the boys home for the night. “Don’t give me that look, Az. I saw the movie. The old bloke’s the killer.”

“That was the last movie. We’re onto a new one. This one has vampires.”

“We are?” John’s eyes shifted to the TV. Sure enough, there was a vampire. Not a knife wielding crazy in sight. “Huh, how about that?”

Az gave John a knowing look before picking up the remote and switching the movie off. “Come on, old man. Bed time.” He pushed at John to move.

John grumbled but for once complied with the angel’s directions. He pushed himself up and reached a hand toward Az, a soft smile appearing when the angel took it. With his free hand, John waved vaguely toward the lights, each of them going out one by one, plunging the apartment into darkness beside the light in John’s room and the soft glow of a night light in Adam’s. 

Untangling his hand from Az’s, John was glad they opted to put on pajamas before they started the movies and simply pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. Az moved around the other side, sliding in behind John and wrapping an arm around his middle. John hummed, pleased with being the little spoon to a being so warm and cuddly. 

“Good night, John.” Az murmured, placing a kiss on John’s shoulder. While Asmodel didn’t sleep, he still rested with John and continued to watch over his beloved human. 

“Good night, Az.” John mumbled back, voice muffled slightly by his pillow. “I love you.”

[trash-muse]

It's October, it's spooky time!

Send a symbol for our muses to….

📽 watch a scary movie 🏚 go to a haunted house 🍫 talk about trick-or-treating 💀 read from a book of spells 🎃 carve pumpkins 👹 go shopping for costumes 🔦 be lost in the woods 🦇 talk about vampires 🐺 talk about werewolves 👻 talk about ghosts

[trash-muse]

[trash-muse]

@dark-musngs

[trash-muse]

Lips curled in a disgusted scowl at the stench of sulfur hanging heavy in the steamy air. Trenchcoat covered shoulders rolled, shrugging off the ashy residue falling from the closing portal. Hell had never been more uninviting but then if it was, more people were bound to sign the dotted line to get in.

John looked around the vacant alley before turning back to his travel companion, earlier disgust melting away and replaced with a tender smile. “Well, Zatanna, my love, looks like roughing up that lesser demon paid off.” There was a hint of amusement in his tone as he recalled the events that led to their arrival in Hell.

It had been a simple information gathering mission which started with meeting a lesser demon to make a phony deal. Of course, that led to a small fight and before Zatanna could finish uttering her backwards curse, the demon was squealing all the answers they needed to retrieve their missing angel.

The lesser demon told them that Neron had his fill with tormenting Asmodel and was now fixated in getting his hands on the angel’s former vessel. But that didn’t mean Asmodel had been left to rot alone. The lower ranked demons took great delight in dealing out punishment after punishment to an angel. There was no way Az was getting out lightly.

“This way, yeah?” John led the way in the directions they had been given. There were quite a few twists and turns. Corridors narrowed then widened and narrowed again like jagged teeth, the dark became thicker as they neared their destination.

John put a hand up, stopping them in the shadows as voices were heard just around the corner where the corridors widened once more. “There’s three of them and two more inside with Az,” John looked to Z, lips curling at the wicked suggestion about to be shared. “You want to incinerate them? Or shall I?”

@dark-musngs​

[trash-muse]

trash-muse​:

As Zatanna’s fingers slid between his, John felt something click into place inside him. Like a part of him had returned home and his heart had started to mend itself. His fingers curled around her hand, locking it in place. All in. No going back now.

John returned the squeeze by lifting their joined hands and kissing the back of Zatanna’s gently, trying to soothe the unspoken fear that it was a dream. He had all but given up on reaching this moment. When he was younger he had imagined it as some big grand gesture, consummated in bold passion. But as the years went on and the damage took it’s toll, the murmured confessions and simple softness of holding each other’s hand spoke of healing old wounds and whispering in a new beginning.

If only Az were there. The angel would probably be crowing about he was right and he told John so. His absence hit something hollow within John. Az needed to be there to share in this moment. Zatanna seemed to sense that ache within John that someone was missing.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. “Yeah. Can’t understand why. I’m a piss poor example of being human.” His tone sounded like he was trying to joke but it didn’t quite hit the right note. They needed to get Asmodel back.

“Oh, he absolutely adores the kid.” John agreed, eyes shifting briefly toward the fireplace mantle where he had put a couple of photos in an effort to make the place more a home. “And Adam adores him. Az is family.” His gaze shifted back to Z, a renewed spark of determination in his eyes. They would get Asmodel back.

“Speaking of…” John shifted the topic. “I should probably go wake the kid up so we can eat the food you bought. Shouldn’t be too bad reheated with a little spell, yeah?”

A small smile graced the sorceress’s lips at the delicate gesture from the man with so many jagged edges many couldn’t see past the sharp exterior. After a long life on the stage she didn’t need big gestures full of pompous and show. She wanted genuine gestures, nothing spectacular. Spectacular only lasted so long…

“You’re just an honest version of humanity.” Zatanna teased, her anger subsided as they fell back in their same comfortable manner. Even though she knew it wasn’t going to be quite the same until they had retrieved the missing piece of their little makeshift family. She nodded, squeezing his hand once again before letting go to let him go gather the kid. “Go ahead, I’ll handle the dinner. Then we can discuss more options, I promise.”

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

Zatanna waited patiently for his response, hoping despite her better judgement that he would deliver the answer she had been waiting on. If only she could turn down the volume of her heartbeat that seemed to grow louder in the silence as she waited for him to speak. It only seemed to be quelled when he repeated the words back to her and she took his hand out without hesitation or breaking eye contact. She intertwined her fingers with his, latching on tight as the man she loved finally told her she didn’t have to do this alone. He would be there with no more lies and no more distance.

She had dreamed of this many times bur had always woken up to the same old loneliness and crashing reality that it wasn’t true. “I love you too.” she murmured with a smile, squeezing his hand tightly to remind herself it wasn’t a dream this time. But even in the wake of her newfound fragile happiness, she chewed on her lip as they were both aware there was still a missing piece to John’s heart.

“Sounds like he learned a lot from you about being human,” she teased lightly, her thumb running over the back of his hand. “Also sounded like he cared a lot for the kid, despite what he knew.”

As Zatanna’s fingers slid between his, John felt something click into place inside him. Like a part of him had returned home and his heart had started to mend itself. His fingers curled around her hand, locking it in place. All in. No going back now.

John returned the squeeze by lifting their joined hands and kissing the back of Zatanna’s gently, trying to soothe the unspoken fear that it was a dream. He had all but given up on reaching this moment. When he was younger he had imagined it as some big grand gesture, consummated in bold passion. But as the years went on and the damage took it’s toll, the murmured confessions and simple softness of holding each other’s hand spoke of healing old wounds and whispering in a new beginning.

If only Az were there. The angel would probably be crowing about he was right and he told John so. His absence hit something hollow within John. Az needed to be there to share in this moment. Zatanna seemed to sense that ache within John that someone was missing.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. “Yeah. Can’t understand why. I’m a piss poor example of being human.” His tone sounded like he was trying to joke but it didn’t quite hit the right note. They needed to get Asmodel back.

“Oh, he absolutely adores the kid.” John agreed, eyes shifting briefly toward the fireplace mantle where he had put a couple of photos in an effort to make the place more a home. “And Adam adores him. Az is family.” His gaze shifted back to Z, a renewed spark of determination in his eyes. They would get Asmodel back.

“Speaking of...” John shifted the topic. “I should probably go wake the kid up so we can eat the food you bought. Shouldn’t be too bad reheated with a little spell, yeah?”

[trash-muse]

@dark-musngs

[trash-muse]

Ask Meme: The Greatest Fear

WHO: Adam Constantine and Asmodel @dark-musngs WHAT: Ask Meme - 😈  Jump out of the shadows to scare/startle my muse WHERE: The playground near John’s apartment WHEN: Az gets a minor heart attack from the tiny human. WARNINGS: None

There were very few creatures in the universe that could scare the angel, Asmodel. He had faced monsters and demons and even dared to oppose the Heavenly hierarchy itself. War, battles, pain, even death.

Asmodel feared none of it.

All the armies of Heaven and Hell combined were nothing compared to the small child currently holding his hand and walking by his side, innocently humming a tune he heard somewhere. And it wasn’t the child’s parentage that scared him - although it probably should have been a factor. Nor was it the kid’s raw power - which also should have been a factor but that did not rattle Az in the slightest.

The thing that scared Asmodel the most was the amount of unbridled love, care and trust the boy placed in him. He felt somewhat unworthy. But there was no way Az would ever give it up.

Well... there was was also the fact Adam Constantine was a cheeky rascal just like his father. And given how much Az knew of John’s history, that was a scary thought.

“Azzie,” Adam’s small inquiring voice drew Asmodel’s attention toward him. “I’m going to go play on the slide now.” And with that, Adam slipped his small hand from Az’s grip and trotted off toward the slide in the playground.

Az moved to a nearby bench seat so he could keep an eye on the kid. The squeals of laughter and joy coming from Adam and the other children in the playground bringing a smile to the angel’s face.

“Which one is yours?” A sudden voice to his left dragged his attention away from the park. It was one of the mothers he had seen at the park from time to time.

“Ah... the blonde.” Asmodel replied with a smile, nodding toward where Adam climbed the ladder to go down the slide again.

“Oh! Gets his looks from his mother, I take it?” the woman asked further, trying to continue the conversation yet clearly trying to do a bit of digging. Az knew he was good looking - he did, after all, choose his vessels - so it wasn’t odd that he gained attention. Of late he had been finding a new market that seemed to take an interest - single mothers.

In the past, Asmodel would have lapped up the attention and used it to his advantage. But despite how gorgeous the woman before him was, Az found he wasn’t interested. It was an odd feeling. But he had everything he wanted waiting for him back home in a dirty old trench coat.

“Actually, his father.” Az responded with a cheery smile. The woman backpedaled, realising what Asmodel’s response implied and tried to awkwardly take back her obvious flirting. Asmodel waved it off as nothing, turning his attention back to the park.

Suddenly, a cold dread flooded through him as Adam was no longer anywhere in sight. His eyes scanned the playground, looking for the young boy, each moment passing causing the panic to build. Az cursed inwardly at himself as he got up from the bench, chastising himself for taking his eyes off Adam for a second. It was a rookie mistake. Especially as there were still enemies out there looking for ways to hurt him and the family he had found.

“Adam?” Az called out, his voice oddly calm as he walked passed several other children, looking behind the slide and into other parts of the playground. “Hey kid! Where are you? Time to go.”

Beyond the park lay a garden of bushes, blocking the playground from view of the neighboring apartment block. Asmodel made his way closer, still looking for a sign of his small human charge. “Adam? You there?”

Just as he moved closer to the bushes to investigate, Adam jumped out with a loud cry of “Raaa!”

Asmodel near fell over in shock and surprise, shaking off the earlier fear quickly and picking up the little troublemaker. “What were you doing, kid?” He chuckled slightly, dread dissipating and replaced with relief. “You know you shouldn’t go running off like that.”

Adam giggled, no indication that he understood the fear he caused or the trouble he was in. Or perhaps he did but inherited that annoying trait off John in that he just didn’t care that he was doing something mischievous and potentially dangerous.

“You jumped when I scared you.” His giggles continued, his grinning face cheeky and full of mirth. “I thought angels didn’t get scared.”

“I wasn’t scared.” The angel lied, carrying Adam back to the path home. “I just wanted to make sure the Bogeyman didn’t get you and gobble you up.”

“No such thing!” Adam laughed louder as Az tickled him with the tease. He knew a lot about the occult and what was a real monster and what wasn’t thanks to his parents but there was still a lot more to learn.

“Oh, yes there is. You ask your dad. He’ll tell you all about the evil Bogeyman.” Asmodel continued, keeping his face earnest so as to not be caught out. The kid looked at him with renewed wonder, no idea if Az was telling the truth or not.

Suddenly, tiny arms went around Asmodel’s shoulders and neck and Adam leaned in close. “I’m sorry for scaring you. Won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay, kid. You were just having fun.” Az accepted the apology in a heartbeat.

Of course, he knew it would happen again. And again. And again. The kid was a Constantine and the Constantines seemed to have made it their mission to make his life scary and difficult as can be.

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

John had his demons. He made mistakes and Zatanna loved him despite the trouble that followed in his wake. What she couldn’t stand was that he never seemed to treat her as an equal. He either held her on an incredibly high pedestal or kept her hidden away in an attempt to protect her. She just wanted to be all in with him. All in.

“We make mistakes John. Did you think I would care less for the kid if I knew? Did you think I’d be upset that you were with another woman? Come on John, I would hope you know me better than that…” Zatanna sighed, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. She didn’t want excuses, she just wanted the truth. Yes it might still hurt but at least she knew he was being honest.

“….you didn’t even make up a dumb excuse. Or leave a note. You just left. Really made a girl feel special.” she murmured as she stared down at her plate of food slowly getting colder as the conversation continued. “John, I know you have your issues but I don’t want any more apologies because they’re starting to just all sound the same. What I want is you.” The witch’s stark blues looked up to him it was obvious there was a conflict of love and frustration that she was battling internally.

“I want the man that fought for me, even when I was with Nick. That man was brutally honest and pursued what he wanted, regardless of what stood in his way. That man wouldn’t push me away by keeping secrets and lying to me, despite his best intentions.  I am here John and I am willing to be all in if you stop trying to dictate the terms of this partnership.”

“….Az knew about Adam. Did you know that?”

The questions drove home just how stupid he had been. He should have known better yet he had let his guilt from his mistakes cloud his judgement. John looked down, shoulders rounding as the burden of truth came crashing down on him, making him realise he had been completely and utterly wrong.

“What I want is you.”

That blunt honesty tore John’s gaze away from the spot on the floor he had been staring at and into the bright blue eyes of the woman he loved. He could see the conflict of emotion in their depths, his own eyes surprised but also questioning. Why would Zatanna want him? Hadn’t he caused her enough hurt and pain? Wasn’t she afraid he’d just do it again? But beyond the doubts and self hate there was also a flicker of hope. Could they try again and make it work this time?

John went to reply, to tell her that he had changed from the man Z wanted. But the words caught in his throat when Zatanna stated she was willing to be all in.

There was a heavy pause for a few beats before John held out his hand in offering. “All in.” He repeated, voice soft and sincere. “I want you too, Z. Have since I first laid eyes on you. But I don’t want to be that man any more. I want to be better. I want us to be equals. To want what you want. To be all in. No regrets, no lies.” He paused again, letting his words simmer slightly before continuing. “I love you, Zatanna, and I am willing to be all in if you are.”

“I had an inkling.” John confessed. While he never out rightly told Az, he guessed the angel knew. “Celestial beings can sense those of the underworld, after all. But we never spoke of it.” A small mirthless chuckle rumbled through him. “We never spoke about a lot, actually. It was like if we did, that bubble we created around ourselves would burst and the outside world would ruin the life we had... lot a good that denial did.”

[trash-muse]

you can have me tonight or never, i thought you understood wrong - zayn ft. kehlani

[trash-muse]

@dark-musngs

ozone - chase atlantic

[trash-muse]

dark-musngs​:

Zatanna dropped her gaze as he admitted her assumption was correct, swallowing hard as old hurt simmered at the surface. She could still feel her tears mixing with warm water of the shower when he simply left her once again. Many had sought her out over the years for her magic abilities but never had she felt so used and on the evening on her birthday at that. It had been a resentment she had been holding onto for quite a while, whether she recognized that she was or not. “….you didn’t even leave a note.”

She listened as he continued with his story, not butting in anymore as she just took it in. It was how the story went between them. Secrets and more secrets. There was the best intentions but it always backfired and ended up with one of them being hurt — usually Zatanna. Her eyes stayed on her hands clasped across her lap as she was torn between the feelings of his guilt and her hurt. She was familiar with this crossroads.

Closing her eyes, she took a beat before finally speaking. “I suppose it could be flattering that they played on your feelings for me. The validation that you do feel something but-” she opened her striking blue eyes and fixed him with a hardened stare. “You should have told me when you found out. You didn’t tell me for four fucking years.”

“I thought you were done lying to me.”

The barb of truth poked at an already open wound but John took it and allowed his guilt to fester with it. All the critics were right. He was bad news. Everything he was given he mistreated and broke. No matter how hard he tried to change, it always came back to him ruining lives and breaking hearts and destroying any trust.

Despite the urge to look away, John met Zatanna’s hard stare with his own full of regret. “How?” He asked, his voice low, the normal confidence he held vanished without a trace. “How was I supposed to tell you that one of the best things in my worthless life was created in the worst mistake I ever made? How was I supposed to break the heart of the woman I love again?”

John sagged heavily into the chair, looking utterly defeated. “I was wrong. I know that. I should have told you instead of leaving that night. We should have found out together.” A long sigh left him and he braced himself for the inevitable rejection he believed was coming. “No amount of apologies can ever make up for the pain I’ve caused. Regardless, I am sorry.”

“I promise. No more lies, Z. My mind, my life, my soul... it’s all an open book for you. Which page do you want to read?”