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woods' end

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Radio Aziraphale/Crowley bloopers :) enjoy

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i miss them

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Ooold Aziraphale animations compilation! I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it someday so I’m just posting it as it is for now!

(I got asked many times if it was AI when I posted it on insta, it is not! Everything was hand drawn in Clip Studio Paint)

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My Pokemon head canon is that if you were holding an Aron and she wanted to go down she would do the little cat thing where they wiggle until they leap out of your arms gracefully except Aron is made mostly out of solid steel and would land with the impact tungsten cube, dent the floor, cause permanent structural damage to the foundation, and then stand up and happily trot along like she didn't do anything

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I think they’re fabulous

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are your eyes brown?

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Havoc: Hey, Boss. Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Ed: I'm a knife.

Roy, from across the office: He's a little spoon.

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Someone’s Soft fanart got my headcanons brewing and I feel like randomly sharing, so here are the Aziraphale and Crowley nice-touch headcanons nobody asked for!

Now, both of them have some messed-up experiences with touch, but they differ. Aziraphale’s used to positive reinforcement of the passive-aggressive variety, where there’s almost always a hidden barb, not to mention a ton of heavy expectation placed on him to KEEP pleasing others. It’s never comfortable. He can’t relax under it. But he can’t step back or say ‘please don’t do that’ with other angels, either. That would be… not acceptable.

Crowley has no experience with positive reinforcement at all, barring what Aziraphale offers him occasionally. And maybe, you know, he’s had some nice experiences with friendly humans now and then (though given his line of work, probably rarely if so). But for the most part, no. He doesn’t know how to take a compliment unless it’s a demon-appropriate comment. And as far as other demons go, he doesn’t have a positive relationship with his coworkers, so he’s not familiar even with the demonic version of friendliness (as exemplified by Hastur and Ligur) - it’s all just straight-up negative. (Except maybe with Satan but that’s entirely in the realm of headcanon and I have Whole Other Thoughts about that)

So, in terms of human analogies for the psychological damage they’ve both got: Crowley is an unloved, rejected child. Aziraphale is a child who was loved the wrong way. Not unconditional, not considerate of his personhood, and not actually kind.

There’s a reason that, close as they are, they hardly ever seem to lay hands on one another. And it’s certainly not that they don’t want to - they give off every other romantic vibe possible, the actors certainly wouldn’t have been opposed, and I absolutely do not think Neil or Doug or anyone forbade touching scenes because they were trying to Hide The Gay. No. It’s partly because they’ve had to keep their whole thing secret, but with that out of the way, when they’re finally able to, I think they’ll find it very awkward. Not only because of long habit, but because neither of them quite knows how Good Touching is supposed to work.

When Aziraphale is touched kindly - a hand on his shoulder, a hug even - he freezes. He doesn’t pull away, even if an involuntary flinch makes it clear he wants to. He just freezes. Because he’s waiting, you see. Not consciously, where Crowley’s concerned - it’s not about actually believing Crowley will hurt him. It’s just that’s how it always goes. Kindness masks Other Things and it carries all these hidden sharp bits and heavy weights in it, and what is he supposed to do if those aren’t there?

Crowley flinches. He doesn’t mean to. Certainly doesn’t want to pull away from Aziraphale. But his first reaction, initially, is to twitch or stiffen if not outright recoil. It embarrasses him. It frustrates him. It’s a protective reflex that’s served him well for a long time. (I want to do a post about Crowley’s physical reactions to danger, there’s at least three scenes that illustrate it beautifully, but I can’t seem to get gifs to work, dammit-)

Anyway, so we’ve got these two, they’re not human but they’re close enough, they want contact, they want to reach out. But Aziraphale can’t stop freezing, breathless, going numb as he expects the hollow kindness to wash over him and leave him colder than before. And Crowley can’t stop twitching and tensing up like he’s waiting for nails to dig in or worse.

It’s a lot to work through. But they will. They’re determined. And gradually…

Aziraphale starts to lean in. Tries to relax. Tight holds help. Angels don’t show that kind of open affection, and Aziraphale (who is functionally autistic) takes great comfort in being squeezed, as his choice in clothing has indicated for a long time now. So those help. Tight holds, those are great. Squeeze him until he starts to loosen up, muscle by muscle. Until the numbness subsides and he can feel the warmth, this time of actual unconditional love, seeping into his starved soul. And then suddenly he can’t get enough of it. Crowley can hold him for hours. Tell him nice sincere things that make him tear up and want to protest at first but slowly, slowly, he’ll start to believe them.

Crowley does things the hard way. He forces himself to accept it. It’s not pleasant at first. He tells Aziraphale to keep at it anyway. Never without permission or warning, of course, but yes. If you stop every time I flinch we’ll be like this forever. Keep your hand there. Let me work through it. Let it sink in that this is safe.

(Of course neither of them is great at open communication, so it’s hard to get all of this expressed, especially from Crowley’s end. But again, they’re determined. They’ll manage.)

It turns out that if you’re really, really not used to it, kindness actually hurts. It hurts like exercising an atrophied muscle, like eating a full meal when you’re used to starving, like the burn you get when you’re coming back from the brink of hypothermia. It’s not metaphysical, it’s not that demons are allergic to love or whatever - his mind and body just have no idea what to do with it.

So when the ‘I’m safe’ does sink in, it’s usually followed by tears. Which is also embarrassing. And frustrating. But really, what did he expect? And Az is not about to shame him for it.

So for a while they both cry whenever they experience physical kindness from the other. It hurts. It’s scary. But it’s so, so good. And given enough time, it’ll become normal. Expected. Never, ever taken for granted - they couldn’t possibly - but it won’t be a surprise every time they’re reminded that, holy shit, you love me.

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eggs are most delicious when least touched by fire (so poached, sunny side up, etc declining in quality to over easy, hard boiled). this is because fire cleanses the egg of sin (primary source of flavor). this is also why the objectively most delicious egg is soft boiled (hardened purified exterior traps the delicious sin inside the soft gooey interior), and why scrambled eggs are morally ambiguous

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Pretty sure "ease him" doesn't mean anything but I'm NOT rewriting that now >:/

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