trauma-trove - Tumblr blog

[trauma-trove]

"Oh but its a four hour trip, and you said you're too disabled to do that 😥"

Look bitch, if I'm forced to travel 4 hours so my piece of shit GI specialist can rape me, I'm allowed to travel that long to go see my fucking brother.

[trauma-trove]

Overthinking that post about dog owners who punish their dogs who won't come inside and how it disenfranchises the dog to come when called, therefore creating the issue in the first place. Overthinking it as a metaphor for my childhood.

When your kid needed you to do laundry, you punished them. When they started wearing the same clothes every day to the point that they only had 4 things to wash at the end of the month, you punished them and called them disgusting.

When your kid asked for you to cook dinner, you threw a fucking fit. When we were sustaining ourselves on snack food that didn't need cooking, you scolded us for not eating healthy.

Whenever one of us got sick, you had a cosmic meltdown. So whenever we started hiding sickness and injuries to tough it out, you cussed us out for not telling you.

We were fucking children adapting in a household where we were too young to be able to meet our own needs. You couldn't meet those needs, so instead of being understanding, you punished us for surviving. Why should I forgive you for that.

[trauma-trove]

having terrible graphic intrusive thoughts all by yourself gorgeous?

[trauma-trove]

Do you know how to die?? Oh that's a shame. I find it dreadfully convenient.

[trauma-trove]

"Whether you like it or not, the things that happen to you DO affect the people who care about you." Cry about it.

[trauma-trove]

ID: A stock photo of a plastic hospital wristband. The label has been edited to read quote "Survivor of sexual trauma" endquote in red text. Below that, in black text quote "handle with care" endquote. End ID.

An idea for a new informational hospital band.

[trauma-trove]

"You're not as trapped as you think you are! ;P" Girlie pop she threatened to take away my prescription medication if I didn't let her sexually assault me. I was as trapped as could fucking be. The illusion of consent in the medical field is a fucking disgrace. What do you MEAN I was actually the boss and could've fired her. She would've written in my file that I didn't need my medications. How do you NOT see that that's literally a risk I couldn't afford to take. I was sexually abused at gunpoint and you're likening it to your battle with depression. Get hit by a bus, actually

[trauma-trove]

Sometimes I wake up and I literally don't give a shit about my trauma, but it doesn't feel good. Like, I get that it's emotional dissociation, and it's part of the DID doing its job, but sometimes it just feels worse remembering and not being capable of angsting about it. Like what if it was a good day for angsting. What then.

[trauma-trove]

[trauma-trove]

i want to cut all of it off

[trauma-trove]

i will only find peace when my decomposition is complete.

[trauma-trove]

[trauma-trove]

Still extremely fucked up thinking about how my doctor literally threatened to take away my meds if i didn't let her assault me. Thats just a new low level of cartoonish evil that I've never experienced before. And people are still telling me "you could've said no. You had more control than you thought you did. YOU'RE the patient, you're the boss here <3." Bitch she said she was going to write in my chart that I don't need my anti inflammatory meds or my chemo drug. What the fuck else was I supposed to do at such short notice. And in the end it's GOOD that I just put up with it, because my new GI specialist is so negligent she can't be convinced that I need my chemo and anti inflammatory drugs, and they never do cancer screenings at her office even though 2 of their patients have gotten cancer already. Like, I'm still using the pre auth and prescription filled by the doctor who thought I was tasty. I really was in the most fucked up position I could've been in. It doesn't matter that no one held me down. Sometimes when you're chronically ill, you have to choose to let people hurt you because if you don't, you're gonna get sick from neglect.

[trauma-trove]

Literally crying watching the episode of beverly hillbillies where Pearl thinks the psychoanalyst is coming onto her and Jed treats him like a sleaze. Like fucking shit, what my life would be like if my family actually fucking believed me about being SA'd by a doctor. Like goddamn.

[trauma-trove]

In another universe I was happy

[trauma-trove]

I'm never going to forget it. So I'll never forgive it either.

[trauma-trove]