traumableeds

[traumableeds]

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY?

"i'm hurting and help is beyond me."

there's something going on with you mentally. you haven't told anyone because you don't want to drag them down with you. it kills you on the daily and you feel like you're falling apart, however, nobody's noticed. you feel like you should be thankful for that, but it just hurts more. you feel selfish and weak for wanting help, yet something deep and knotted beneath your diaphragm is screaming to let go of the pain and let someone else handle it for awhile.

TAGGED BY: @tsundoku-rp​ (thank u sm!!) TAGGING: @thecosmicsen​, @blindorbrave​, @biitchimblessed​, @misfitsmenagerie​

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the way caleb says ‘fuck’ in like every other reply....anyway, I’m sorta back jdkslfg

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@biitchimblessed​ said: “I don’t wanna talk about it.” ft. hyojoon 

❝We’re already talking about it,❞ he says. Like he’s making a point, like that fact matters at all. As if the second Hyojoon decides he doesn’t want to talk about something he’ll be able to pry any further. And Caleb never pries. He knows better than that, has always shut down just as easily. They understood each other so well, but it was often like they were talking through a wall that was wedged between them. A blockade of trauma and anger. They had both opened the door, let the other in, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t an unspoken line: I’ll let you in as long as you don’t get too close. And Caleb REALLY never pries, but he does right now. ❝I get it, okay? I do. But---❞ he sighs. ❝I just, I need to know. I need you to tell me. For once I do wanna fucking talk about something. I wanna talk about this.❞

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“ when you are young, they assume you know nothing. ”  (from song) // ily rowan pls make ur damn multimuse xoxo

❝I wish I knew nothing back then. Not a damn thing.❞ He deserved that much. That was a truth he wanted desperately to believe. He knew for certain that it was what Song deserved, ignorance from all the ugly truths, the unfair realities that plagued him. Maybe more than just ignorance---protection. Why did nobody protect them?

Caleb didn’t understand what was happening to him at first, until he did. Until all the misplaced trust and hopefulness blackened everything, like spilled ink on the pages of his story. A story that could’ve been something. He wonders if maybe he could’ve been something. 

But instead here he stood, an empty shell, a broken shard. They were both broken so young, too young to know just how to repair the damage. He hates it, hates the way there was no way to go back, no way to undo the damage. Hates the way his hardened anger simmers into an almost childish rage. 

❝I guess we both just---knew too much.❞

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@biitchimblessed​ said: “Would you just listen to me for two seconds?” ft. hyojoon

❝I don’t want to LISTEN, okay? Just stop it.❞ He knows he’s being childish, shutting Hyojoon out. He’s always kept people at arms length, always pushed them away when they got even one step too close. And Hyojoon was definitely closer than most. The only feeling he ever truly understood, had clung to his whole life, even in spite all the apathy and emptiness---was ANGER. And sometimes everything he held inside and pushed so far down, would just boil over and spill out of him. He isn’t even sure what sets him off in this moment, but it never took much at all. His mind was often like a hair pin trigger and the explosion was always inevitable. ❝It doesn’t matter anyway, it really doesn’t. And I really don’t want to hear it right now.❞

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DEATHLESS.

the following prompts were taken from the novel deathless by catherynne m. valente, an american novelist & poet. the novel was loosely based on the tale of koschei the deathless, incorporating other elements of russian mythology, & setting it against the backdrop of the russian revolution. feel free to change the pronouns / prompts as you see fit, but be warned – below the cut, it’s quite long !

❛ the service of your body is not yours to give as you please. ❜

❛ you probably won’t survive. ❜

❛ go. run. don’t look behind you. ❜

❛ i have come for the girl in the window. ❜

❛ i will never be without information. ❜

❛ i will see him with his skin off before i fall in love. ❜

❛ if the world is divided into seeing & not seeing, i will always choose to see. ❜

❛ secrets are jealous things, permitting no fraternization. ❜

❛ no, it’s not like that, when magic comes. ❜

❛ magic does that. it wastes you away. once it grips you by the ear, the world gets quieter & quieter until you can hardly hear it at all. ❜

❛ the sight of it bruised my heart so that i cannot think about anything else. ❜

❛ i’ll be so quiet, i’ll never talk again. ❜

❛ keep me & obey me, for i am your husband, & i can destroy you. ❜

❛ i shall be clever, & i shall not let him go. ❜

❛ it is a new world, & we do not wish to be left behind. ❜

Keep reading

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WILL  HE  ——    ❛  i’ve  got  knots  all  up  in  my  chest .  ❜    ❛  just  know  i’m  trying  my  best .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  sad  &&  i’m  a  mess .  ❜    ❛  will  your  tongue  still  remember  the  taste  of  my  lips ?  ❜    ❛  will  your  lover  caress  you  the  way  that  i  did ?   ❜    ❛  i  don’t  need  to  know .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  make  sure  you’re  okay .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  make  sure  you’re  all  safe .  ❜    ❛  will  he  play  you  those  songs  just  the  way  that  i  did ?  ❜    ❛  will  he  treat  you  like  shit  just  the  way  that  i  did ?  ❜ PILLS  ——    ❛  please  don’t  run  away .  ❜    ❛  where’d  you  go ?  ❜    ❛  i  thought  we’d  last  forever .  ❜    ❛  i  need  you  back .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  know  why  i  feel  this  way .  ❜ DEMONS  ——    ❛  they’re  taking  my  heart  now .  ❜    ❛  my  demons  told  me  everything they  whisper  in  the  night .  ❜    ❛  this  is  not  a  threat ,  i  promise .  ❜    ❛  it’s  a  warning ,  baby ,  i  just  want  you  to  know .  ❜    ❛  i’m  behaving  myself .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  gotta  die  so  soon .  ❜    ❛  please  just  let  me  go .  ❜    ❛  i’ve  seen  enough .  ❜ WINDOW  ——    ❛  i  see  nothing  out  the  window .  ❜    ❛  watching  all  the  leaves  grow .  ❜    ❛  it  feels  better  in  my  dreams ,  though .  ❜    ❛  the  sun  will  shine  no  more .  ❜    ❛  i’ve  been  holding  on  too  long .  ❜    ❛  i  just  wanna  sleep  forever .  ❜    ❛  just  leave  me ,  forever .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  need  an  antidote .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  wanna  drive  slow .  ❜    ❛  speed  up  with  our  eyes  closed .  ❜ BITTER  FUCK  ——    ❛  i  find  it  hard  to  be  myself .  ❜    ❛  i  shed  my  skin  for  everybody  else .  ❜    ❛  you  made  me  sad  &&  you  made  me  mean .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  mad .  ❜    ❛  i  feel  unclean .  ❜    ❛  you  made  me  a  bitter  fuck .  ❜    ❛  they  call  me  a  bitter  fuck .  ❜    ❛  now  i’m  a  bitter  fuck ,  because  of  you .  ❜    ❛  your  bitch  just  came  all  over  me .  ❜    ❛  i  won’t  fuck  with  you  if  you  don’t  fuck  with  me .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  give  a  fuck .  ❜ WORLDSTAR  MONEY  ( INTERLUDE )  ——    ❛  don’t  hate  me .  ❜    ❛  am  i  crazy ?  ❜    ❛  so  tenderly ,  you  watch  me  burn .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  wanna  die .  ❜ PLASTIC  TASTE  ——    ❛  i  can’t  do  this  face  -  to  -  face .  ❜    ❛  i’ll  admit  that  i’m  afraid .  ❜    ❛  let  these  moments  go  to  waste .  ❜    ❛  excuse  me  for  my  plastic  taste .  ❜ I  DON’T  WANNA  WASTE  MY  TIME  ——    ❛  i  don’t  wanna  waste  my  time  if  i  can’t  be  by  your  side .  ❜    ❛  we  don’t  gotta  talk  about  nothin ’  nice  if  you  wanna  come  down .  ❜    ❛  she  don’t  gotta  know  about  nothin ’ .  ❜    ❛  if  the  stars  collide  will  she  relieve  my  soul ?  ❜    ❛  when  we  feel  alive ,  i  know  she’ll  let  me  go .  ❜    ❛  when  you  real  my  lips ,  i  know  you  feel  all  cold .  ❜    ❛  i  promise  you ,  my  heart  is  made  of  gold .  ❜    ❛  you’re  only  on  my  mind  when  i  need  you .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  gotta  know  about  what  you  do  when  the  sun  goes  down .  ❜    ❛  i  don’t  gotta  know  about  nothin ’ .  ❜

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I wanna write but tumblr is hard so....anyone wanna plot/write on discord??

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Anonymously send me your favorite detail about how I play my character.

I will publish and respond OOC.

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anyone wanna send me memes ?? I wanna write some small stuff before diving into drafts !!

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i think they should let me in abandoned buildings

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— Sylvia Plath

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@biitchimblessed​ said: “What happened to your hands?”

He’ll look down at his hands, almost as if to assess the damage in question. As if he didn’t already know it was there. ❝Oh, I just...❞ He trails off, thinks about the anger, his shattered reflection as his fist hit the mirror. He sees himself and he sees NOTHING. He was simply...Empty. Didn’t quite know who he was---because he wasn’t sure if there was anything to him at all. And Caleb knows, has always known, that he was breaking. Like a frayed string, one day he would SNAP. And maybe other people saw it too, but who could ever understand it? Even the other, who seemed to know violence intimately---still, did Caleb even want him to know? Would it matter at all? 

He huffs out a laugh, ❝I think sometimes---I just don’t think.❞ Or maybe sometimes he thought too much. ❝That’s all.❞

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@neonhymn​ said: “Why don’t you just sit there and look pretty?” from Kai

❝Yeah, not happening.❞ He scoffs, ❝what the fuck is your deal anyway? ❞ He’s irritated, that much is clear as his gaze falls on the other. Caleb looks him over, brow raised, ❝seriously. Because last time I checked? You’re the one who got me involved.❞

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oflived​:

“The world is funny like that, but someone’s perception is different than the other person’s perception. You might see one movie one way while I’ll see it another way.” The werewolf muses softly, picking at the sleeve of his sweater. “Sometimes it’s better that those scripts get tossed and forgotten.”

❝That’s true,❞ he says. Because it was true, like in the way that Caleb knew that the other would likely not understand his perception of things either. Because not many would, it was like seeing the world through a shattered lens. He shrugs lightly, ❝but I think that’s why sometimes it feels like we’re all just --- fucking stuck. What’s there to perceive if everyone’s too scared to just make the damn movie? ❞   

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@hyejvng​ liked for a STARTER !

He’s noticed her in the store quite a bit. Not terribly often exactly, but often enough. Browsing through the shelves, the books she picked out varied. She seemed to be fascinated with all kinds of stories and topics. By now, Caleb knows her face. Has answered enough questions to point her in the direction of what she’s looking for, as well as simply ringing books up for her. Again, she may not have been the MOST frequent of visitors but he recognized her enough. 

The shop being fairly empty, he didn’t really have much to do at the moment. Everything there was to do, had already been DONE. But he still had about thirty minutes until his break, so he sucks it up. Leaning over the counter, chin resting in his hand, he lets his gaze wander around. 

He wasn’t exactly a people person, but he noticed people, took note of them. His personal understanding of people (or lack thereof) aside, he still noticed more about others than most people often thought. Maybe that’s how he remembers the woman. Today, he spots her again too, and well---he supposes curiosity and a slow day has simply gotten the better of him. He shifts, leaning over a different way, to peek a little. ❝Hey, so---what are you looking at today? ❞

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@gangstermovie​ liked for a STARTER !

He had never held a gun before. And when she offers to teach him to shoot, naturally the idea peaks his interest. After all, Caleb was numb and reckless, but most of all: just fucking BORED. He’s fairly certain he’ll be a terrible shot, but he also doesn’t think it’ll really matter much. 

It’s still fairly early in the day, quiet too. It’s grassy and spacious, he doubts there were many people around either. It practically feels like a scene in a movie, a scenario just like this played out on a screen---complete with the empty bottles for them to take aim at and all. Except maybe a tad bit more eerie. 

Once he stops taking in the scenery, he takes note of the gun she places in his hand. He’s not sure what he expected it to feel like, but he’s careful as he examines it, or---careful enough, at the very least. 

He looks backs up at her, shrugs a little, ❝so...what’s first? What’s your mystical gun slinging wisdom? ❞ He says it jokingly, a light smirk on his lips.