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I want bad things to happen to me. I want to be murdered.

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neg vent mon- july 4th 2022.

i went over to kermit's cage this morning bc he looked uncomfortable with his face scrunched into the bars, as i opened the cage i even said "hey little bud you look uncomfy lemme get you on the bed to cuddle"... only to touch cold fur. i picked him up his usually warm little body was so cold and rigid.. i closed the cage and gently carried him down stairs in my arms.. i stood in the doorway of kitchen. in barely a whisper i said "kermie died.." immediately irony jumped up to come over and look for himself. kermits small little frame, curled in my arms, clearly gone, yet still looked alive, sleeping. yet its the forever sleep. the kind that breaks my heart. we sat and said our goodbyes. and gave his little head the last kisses. then i gently scooted his lil body into a plastic baggie and put him in the freezer to be buried by the river. after i came back up, i sat next to his cage. in front of julien. he sat as i cried. "hey julien, im sorry, but kermit isnt coming back, he died, so hes gonna go live by the river, i know you two were bonded so its gonna hurt a lot... and im sorry i know you dont understand, because your just a lil guy, but just know hes gone, he isnt coming back, but hes in a happy safe place, filled with oats, peanuts and granola with fresh cool drinking water for him to enjoy while he waits for you. and theres a really nice man up there named technoblade whos gonna take care of him and look after him okay? so everything is gonna be okay. and were gonna get you a new friend so you wont be alone for long. i love you." then i fed him and got up, to go sit and type this on my bed. im destroyed, kermit was the best little rat i could have asked for. he was the best rat, he was cuddly, sweet, and loving. and im sure ill see him again some day. i think that day is soon. i miss my little man so much it hurts so bad. i want to go with him. he was bonded to his cage mate. i had to get a new rat same day in my heart i know im not replacing him. but it feels wrong. i still love my new albino norway rat. hes very sweet. we named him angel. but he wasnt technically domestic. he was a rat meant for labs/live feeding. he screams when i touch him. hes not used to kind touch. so that hurts more. kermit had been such a cuddly man, his cage mate julien wasnt, and now the new rat screams from fear, and while hes good about being held ect it takes him a second to remember my touch is good, my touch wont hurt him, my touch wont feed him to a snake like hes undoubtedly watched others go to the jaws of a snake. i like snakes dont get me wrong and i understand live feeding is needed for some rats. i know the people who breed the rats cant be nice to the rats or it will mess them up mentally... but god dam it i want to hold angel or julien like i did kermit. laid in the crook of my arm like a sweet baby and i cant.. i want to die... i want to die so bad i want to be with little man i want to be with my wormie. i want kermit i want kermit. iwantkermitiwantkermit. i want to join him on the hill where hes buried. want him buried with me. i want him in my arms. i want to die. i want to tear into my flesh with a knife i want to cut my veins open i want to slice into every inch of skin i can. i want to starve until im skinny like he was. i want to die. nothing will ever make me happy not until im dead. i will never be satisfied i want to shake my loved ones like ragdolls screaming stop trying to satisfy me. i will never be satisfied. not until im in the earth.

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✨reblog to get skinny legs✨

ignore and the wizard will skidaddle over your skidoodles

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pos vent 12:41am sat jan 29 2022

my long distance lover is on call asleep and my irl bf is asleep next to me and they are breathing in sync and making cute snore sounds i cantttttt its to cute and perfect. this is my new favorite thingggggggggg

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vent jan 28 2022 3:06am

so i wanted to watch twilight and apparently mom forgot her password to her peacock account so when i asked her to rest it apparently its a big fucking deal that she'll have to rest it bc she will have to put the new password back in on the tv. so no twilight for me. already kinda sad, but then bf had to be an ass. im a trans guy but my personality is very very like fem gay bestie energy. so im super insecure about it and try to hide it but i wanted to watch my comfort movies and be sassy and gay about it. but apparently it triggers bf bc of a bad ex so now it feels like im in the closet all over again. why must it be so hard to just be me?? i was in such a good mood but now im just melancholy and sad feeling. like super empty and hollow but yet my body is made of lead. i fucking hate it so much. but also slightly mad not at him but at myself for letting it affect me so bad but thats just bpd ig- everything is always so so amplified. all the time and my mood is constantly everywhere i hate hate hate it.

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me? ugly crying over the worlds dumbest shit while the only things my adhd brain can think about is nick cage, pitbull and the lizzie borden case? more likely than you think.

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Original image from @sugarpowder_ on Instagram <3

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Original image from @ghostinavenue <3

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