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Numbers

Numbers is an interesting text. We go back and forth from the realistic to the mystical. The complaining of the people brought a harsh judgment of 40 years in the wilderness, snake attacks, instant deaths of those who lied about the land, and the for most, the loss of their initial goal to get to the promised land.

Further along, we have God convincing the sorcerer Balaam not to go with the Moab army and is stopped by an invisible angel and a talking donkey. 

I guess what we’re seeing here is that God will go to great lengths to guide and convince, but ultimately it is up to us to follow. Furthermore, if we don’t the consequences, no matter how harsh,  are ours to face. 

While it’s good to have this faith and devotion, this is also where I feel the trouble comes in. Blind faith can sometimes equal fear. And fear can sometimes overcome love. 

Hear me out. I love faith, I do. And so many wonderful decisions are made based on faith alone. But so many horrible ones are made too. Even in Numbers, God wasn’t leading his people to an unclaimed land of milk and honey. It had inhabitants. They had their own faiths. They had their own lives.

World History has always been a story of survival of the fittest. Certain cultures thrived and grew, while other faded. Could, like many of the other stories, this have been a way to explain one cultures rise over another? 

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Numbers 12 and 13

It feels good to be back. It’s about to time and I have so much catching up to do. I’ve started in Numbers now and in 12 and 13. Moses sent scouts to look at the land of canaan - they returned and even though the land was good, they were afraid of the fight ahead and lied about the land itself. The scouts were so focused on the negative that they forgot that God promised this land to them.

The people accepted the lies-  causing a great rebellion in the group. Getting caught up in the emotion of the moment, seeing only the dark.

It reminds me of us as a country right now. We’re accepting lies and getting caught up in the emotional turmoil our political system is whipping up.

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Leviticus

Interestingly, the Bible a day skips Leviticus. Completely. It goes straight to Numbers and continues.

Then I thought, most PEOPLE skip Leviticus too.

Don’t lie. You know you do. We all do.

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Exodus and the extended Hiatus

So sorry about my extended hiatus. I’m going to be playing a bit of ketchup here. But in personal news...

I got married!

My life has been a montage of wedding prep and house guests and family and friend time. 

That said, I’ve been reading- and not writing- I finished Exodus. Last I left off, the red sea had just been crossed and the Pharaoh’s army had been left behind. We had food fall from heaven, ten commandments, a golden calf, and finally the completed tabernacle- giving us the beginnings of a church. 

I gloss over these events because they are the most famous, not because of a lack of importance. The foundation of humanity began in Genesis, but the foundation of our relationship with God and the foundation of our way of life and worship began in exodus.

In the notes of my study Bible, it analyzes Exodus as such: 

“The Isrealites were once Egyptian slaves making bricks without straw. Here they were following the pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire, carrying the Tabernacle they had built for God. Exodus begins in gloom and ends in glory. This parallels our progress through the Christian life. We begin as slaves to sin, are redeemed by God and end our pilgrimage living with God forever. The lessons the Isrealites learned along the way are the lessons we need to learn.”

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Exodus 13:17 - 14:31

As a kid this was always my favorite part. The crossing of the red sea. Aside from the story of Christ, this is probably the most memorable moments at least to a kid. What is not to love- it’s a storytellers dream. The race away from the captors. The seemingly defeat and hopelessness of the good guys. The last chance. The miracle. And the awesome special effects of the getaway. Followed by the Hero and Villain staring at each other from the edges of the sea. It’s cinematic. It’s historic. It’s memorable.

I’m going to step away from my usual format of questioning the word, or analyzing the word. I don’t want anyone to read into my questioning that I have a dislike or disrespect- none whatsoever. 

I’m from Southern California. Forest fires a big thing near where I lived. It’s yearly.  There was a particularly bad one, one year. Ashes would rain on our house. I would constantly run to the back door and open it to make sure that there was no fire racing over our wooded backyard toward us. 

My mom had made a pile of photo albums, birth certificates, various valuables and other personal items that were stacked near the door. In the case of evacuation, they would be readily available to us. She asked me if there was anything that I wanted to put in the pile. 

I was probably 11 or 12. Other than a couple musical instruments, nothing was irreplaceable. I went to my room. On my bookshelf was my Bible. I don’t even remember when I got that one. It wasn’t my childhood Bible. But it was a gift from a relative. Either way, the idea of it burning in a fire really horrified me. I took it and placed it on the pile. Then went into my room and prayed. 

Over time, the fires receded and never neared our neighborhood. The Bible found it’s way to my shelf. 

After confirmation and through my early adult years, I had a fall out with religion- for reasons I’ll delve into in another entry. But years would pass, I would move out on my own and one day driving home to my own apartment, I realized that I didn’t have a Bible anymore. I don’t even know what happened to the one I had decided to save from a hypothetical fire. - I still don’t.

But I immediately stopped at the nearest bookstore, searched and picked up the study Bible that I still have and read today. It was just time for it to come back into my life. 

It stays by my bed. One of the reasons is that I have always had bad nightmares. Sleep paralysis actually. One of the things I did (and this was as a single twenty two year old man, living on his own) after these nightmares was to reach out and grab my Bible, say a silent prayer, and hug it like a teddy bear until I went to sleep. 

I tell you this because this book has always brought comfort. It has always brought warmth. It has always brought a message, whether in the form of the stories, the words, or just the proximity of it to me. My questioning is my search to delve deeper and strengthen that relationship. I want to know it, and I want it to know me. But knowing each other means acknowledging our flaws, our miscommunication, and our connections. It means delving deeper.

The Bible is a book, a collection of stories, inspired by God and written by man.

I am a man, inspired by God, who writes.

There is a connection here I know it. This blog, these questions, this reading is my attempt to find it.

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Exodus 11 and 12

“Abortion should be listed as a weapon of mass destruction against the voiceless.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri

“The "right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" begins with "life", and "life" begins at conception.” ― A.E. Samaan

“...don't kid yourself. Keep the baby - I have no other advice for you. Children are the best thing in the world.” ― Elvira Baryakina, White Shanghai: A Novel of the Roaring Twenties in China

So why am I including these anti abortion quotes? Am I suddenly completely pro life? To be honest, I’m not. Much like Rush Limbaugh- which I never saw myself ever saying- “I’m pro choice but I hope that choice would be life.”

I’m also a man who hasn’t  impregnated anyone (that I know of. ;) ) So I’m stepping aside from a debate that I literally have no business being in. But why include the quotes? Because in today’s reading of Exodus I read these quotes.

“Return to Pharaoh and make your demands, I have made him and his officials stubborn so I can continue to display my power by performing miraculous signs among them.”

“So the lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart so he would not let them go.”

“About midnight I will pass through Egypt. All the firstborn sons will die in every family in Egypt, from the oldest son of the Pharaoh, who sits on the throne to the oldest son of the lowliest slave. Even the firstborn animals will die.”

“Pharaoh will not listen to you. But this will give me the opportunity to do even more mighty miracles in the land of Egypt.’ Although Moses and Aaron did these miracles in Pharaoh’s presence, the Lord hardened his heart so he wouldn’t let the Isrealite’s leave the country.”

I mentioned in the last entry that God says he hardened Pharaohs heart- thus he also had the power to change it.  I also mentioned that he did this to continue to perform miracles and show his power. 

Yes he did it to eventually allow the freedom of his people.... But so many other plagues upon people and livestock happened and Pharaohs heart was hardened to not let the Isrealites go. All to get to the point of the final plague.

Now it seems, at least according to the Study Bible that God was playing both sides. Performing miracles on one side, then making them not convincing enough to the other side. 

Finally we have Passover, where all the firstborn sons in every non Isrealite family in Egypt, from king to slave, and animals are killed. Why? Isn’t life important? All lives? What did those firstborn sons do? What did the firstborn slaves sons do? What did the animals do? Why were their lives taken to prove a point?

Flash forward to today where the pro-choice movement often used Bible backed arguments to further their point. How was this MASS killing pro-life? 

And again, I have no say in this debate, but I have to call something out when I see it. 

How can a source be used that so clearly didn’t respect the infant to adult lives of firstborn sons? How can we say certain innocent lives matter over others? Other questions to ask, in today’s times. How can we honor a story or freedom from slavery and persecution in the form of Exodus, and then turn our backs on refugees running from persecution and horrors in other countries? 

I guess my takeaway is that often the Bible is used to back certain arguments saying that the message is clear about life, behavior, rules, and so on....

But I see so many mixed messages, so many contradictions... It all seems so confusing at parts. And we fight wars over this... We judge over this... We love over this... and We hurt over this.

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Exodus 9-10:29

“Return to Pharaoh and again make your demands. I have made him and his officials stubborn so that I can continue to display my power by performing miraculous signs among them. You will be able to tell your children and grandchildren about the marvelous things I am doing among the Egyptians to prove that I am the lord.”

What? I’m going to put aside my feelings about showing off as well as my questions of if God can make Pharaoh stubborn, why couldn’t he make him easy going? Was proving a point worth the lives of people and livestock? 

One of the questions in my study Bible asks about telling of Gods work in our own past. What are the turning points in my life where God intervened? What is God doing for you now?

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Exodus 2:11 - 9:7

I've been so off and on in my reading and journaling. I've continued in both Nouwen’s book as well as the Bible. I've been finding more and more disconnect with the bible so I’ve turned to both books to search for connection. I’ve mentioned to a few people that I have found the disconnect and they simply reply “Oh- it’s the old testament” But I want to be inspired…today..I feel like God is too human in these stories. He changes his mind on a whim  it seems. He is a human in one paragraph and a burning fire in the next. He makes promises, threats, then backs down.

People are beyond their abilities as well. Moses threw down his staff and it became a snake then “the pharaoh called in his wise men and magicians and they did the same thing with their sacred arts”

What? What secret arts? Why can’t we make snakes anymore? What does this say about God’s power if “wise men and magicians” were also doing it. Snakes and blood. 

Furthermore could the river of blood have been an layman’s explanation of a natural disaster? A Red tide? A waterborne pathogen? Or should we just believe that it is blood. Afterward, what happened to all the blood? 

Then we have the arrival of frogs, then gnats, then flies, and finally the death of livestock. 

The series of plagues seems to take a natural progression along the loss of a water supply. Frogs leave bad water, then the flies and gnats come. Animals begin to die.... health conditions deteriorate... it only begins to look like a miracle when compared to the Hebrews who aren’t having any trouble. 

There are so many questions about the plagues. Along with them are the bigger questions. As a reader, as a believer, what am I supposed to get from this?

Is it that God will go to great lengths to bend someone into belief? Is it that if repentance is not genuine the punishment will escalate? 

Or... or.. or...

Is it that Egyptian magicians used to be wise enough to make magical snakes but were not wise enough to make the quantity needed to eat the abundance magical frogs? 

;)

Aside from that last question, that is what I get from it. God will test and bend us and the repentance must be genuine. 

What do you get from this?

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Exodus 1:8- 2:10

Almost into a new month, and starting a new book. 

The stage has been set for a new story. We have the Pharaoh imposing rule over his people to do some horrible things to another race. 

That sounds a bit familiar to current conditions of the US right now...

The pharaoh orders the midwives to kill the Hewbrew’s male children. Fearing God, the midwives lie and say it was not possible. 

In desperation, the Pharaoh orders a new law- that all his people throw newborn isrealite boys into the nile river.

This leads Moses’s mother to the desperate act of putting baby Moses into a boat of reads. 

There are so many desperate acts that lead to other desperate acts. An many of the events that will occur in the next book all stem from moments of desperation. What is interesting to examine, in these moments, is who’s desperate moves are guided by faith and who’s are guided toward their own personal goals. 

I’d like to look at these midwives. The midwives followed their hearts and faith and did not obey the order. 

We live in a time of desperation now. At least, I think we do. We are being told one thing, perhaps by government, or by media, or by church, or by a “president”....

And we have to ask ourselves. Are we following our hearts and our faith, or the personal goals of ourselves or someone else?

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Genesis 45-49

As we wind down the stories of Genesis, it’s interesting to look at who we met. Not only that, I’ve always gone into looking at the Bible as something so far removed, with people who had nothing to do with me. We see only a glimpse of the life of these characters: often just a single action or decision. Sometimes the decision seems to be completely trivial- watering camels or eating fruit. Sometimes its life altering- being told to sacrifice a son. Either way it makes me think about our own decisions. 

How do we know if the decisions we make on a daily basis are something that is going to be life altering for ourselves, our close companions, or humanity itself. 

We do not. 

Most of my writing, particularly (un)missed connections and Standby are about chance encounters changing the lives of those around them. I’ve always felt like we are all connected in our daily lives. It makes sense. We share a world. 

Reading Genesis, starting from humanity taking it’s very first steps in the timeline of our world to the beginnings of a civilization, it’s an easy reminder that we are all connected with each other. But Genesis takes it a step further, saying that not only are we all connected to each other, but we are all connected with God. 

Its something I’m going to try to think about with my decisions big and small. Will you? Do you?

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Genesis 41, 42 and 43

So sorry to have to play a little catch up here.

We spend a lot of time with the Story of Joseph. We delve deeper than we do in many of the other stories. But here we have a 30 year old dream interpreter than went from slave to pharoah’s right hand man, in a span of 13 or so years. So much can happen in that amount of time, and Joseph didn’t give up his faith. 

When they are finally reunited Joseph doesn’t reveal his identity. His brothers did some terrible things to him. It’s understandable that he wants to know more about them. It’s also understandable that he wants some revenge in the matter. But it’s easy to tell that he is torn (his leaving to weep on many occasions) between joy and sorry. 

I’ve been in that place before, a mix of anger and of love, letting go of our control is one way that anger can win. But putting thought and faith into your heart is a way of letting love win. 

There are any themes to translate here but, to me, the one that rings through is self control. Jealousy and passion, made the brothers make a terrible choice in selling Joseph into slavery. They had the power. But when Joseph had the power, he made a different choice. 

There’s more to delve on. But the story isnt over yet. More tomorrow.

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Genesis 40: 1-23

“Two years later.”

Things don’t always turn around quickly. Even when right is on your side. Looking at the Joseph story, we see him sitting in prison for quite a some time. 

“Two years later.”

I think that when it comes to prayers, or requests, or hope, we think things will quickly change. Faith moves mountains. But mountains do not move overnight. 

Its interesting, none of these are the topics that the Study Bible refers to as I read the story of Joseph. It talks of dream interpretation and relating our dreams to God. But not time.  (I’m about to get political for three paragraphs, but I have reasons. Stick with me. We will get through it together.)

Anyone who knows me in person knows that I had a very difficult time with this election. Now before we jump into the “get over it” and partisan beliefs, know that it has nothing to do with our party system. When George W Bush was elected and re-elected I went on with my life because even though my viewpoints and values are very different than his platform, he was still a man of class and dignity.  Barack Obama,  whether or not someone agrees with his policies, is a man of class. But can we say the same of donald trump? 

Now, I don’t want to turn this into a political blog, but here is someone who carries himself as a braggart, a liar, hatemonger, and fear spreader. The values of morality, dignity and class are nowhere to be found in him. He says what he pleases, does what he wants, and does not seem to care what people think, feel, or wish. I don’t understand how this person can represent a country or community. I don’t understand how a religious community could get behind him. At all.

His rise to power gives voice to a groups of hate that we as a community of good-hearted citizens have worked so hard to silence. In the wake of his rise, I (as a Latino American) have had my citizenship questioned as a form of argument in the case of someone else’s wrongdoing. 

Again, not to make it political, but I bring this topic up to explain why I’ve been feeling hopeless these past few weeks. That said, for the first time in quite a while, I picked up my Bible and felt inspired. Felt hope. Not only that, I found it hope in a story I’ve heard and read many times. A story I thought I knew everything about. I saw words that I had many times breezed by as non-important. In those words I found so much hope.

“Two years later.” 

 This Bible a day project has lead to so much discovery, in just 23 days.  Is that what this is about? Opening the book and finding hope when you need it? What is it to you?

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Genesis 39: 1-24

Joseph in Potiphar’s House

I’ve seen Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat multiple times, as well as read this story often since childhood. There’s not too much to add, other than its focus on not losing hope. Being sold a slave, being harassed by another man’s wife, being locked in a prison: in each situation Joseph tried to make the best of it. Eventually being put in charge of the other prisoners, Joseph always tried to be the best that he could be in the world that he was in. It’s something we can take to our lives. 

No matter the circumstances, be the best you that you can be. You can have faith in yourself and the world around you, or can you be hopeless. There is a lot going on in the world today, I choose to have faith in myself and world around me. Sitting around feeling hopeless has never solved anything. 

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Genesis 32: 1-33:16 and 37: 1-36

Double entry because I didn’t write yesterday. Honestly during inauguration day yesterday, I wasn’t in a good place to write about my faith in the world. 

We start with Jacob trying to make peace with Esau. Last time Jacob saw his brother, Esau was ready to kill him. Jacob sends a messenger ahead to hopefully buy favor and his own safety. I would probably do the same if I had done all the wrongs Jacob had done. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I have to meet up or apologize to someone I have wronged, I feel that fear and shame that comes with those situations. Jacob’s must have been intense. 

After he sends his wives away with his belongings, and is alone in camp, Jacob is confronted with a man who wrestles with him till dawn. Jacob eventually wins this match and wants his blessing. The man blesses him and names him Israel because you have struggled with both God and Men and won.

What does this signify? In the Bible, it titles is as Jacob wrestles with God. Is it metaphorical? Was there an actual man he was wrestling with? This is a passage I have read multiple times and always find confusion. The study Bible that I am using only talks of the name change, but nothing of the actual event described.

As for Genesis 37- there is not much I can add when it comes to commentary on the Joseph story that hasn’t been said already. So, Id like to keep the questions focused on what I wrote above. What is the significance of the wrestling match?

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Genesis 29: 14-30

Jacob marries Leah and Rachel

After all of his deception, Jacob got deceived. Putting all misogyny aside in the trading of women for services, as well as marrying multiple women in form of payment... Jacob got deceived. I have to put that aside as something that was traditional at the time. 

But the takeaways from Jacob’s working 7 years, then eventually 7 more for the bride he wanted shows an example of immense patience. This story reminds us that in times of immediate gratification, when it comes to achieving major goals, patience is the key. 

Also, it’s worth noting that if you live a life of deception, it will come back to you. Often from unexpected sources. I couldn’t help getting that little bit in after all that Jacob did to Esau. 

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Genesis 28: 10-22

Jacob’s Dream at Bethel

I really enjoyed this passage. While I really enjoyed the work, I also enjoyed the interpretation from my study Bible. It looked into “ I am the Lord, God of your grandfather Abraham and the God of your father Isaac. The ground you are lying on belongs to you.”

The following interpretation struck a chord with me. “God has no grandchilden; each of us must have a personal relationship with him. It is not enough to hear wonderful stories about Christians in you family, you need to be part of the story yourself.”

Boom. Mind blown. 

We hear these terms “father” and we use them out of habit after they have been normalized in various texts for so long.  At least I did. But I’ve never really put two and two together. 

I’ve always had my own personal issues with religion because it seemed to be about group mentality, or about another’s translation and less about personal experience. The ideas and habits and traits were interpreted for us and the group agreed and behaved as such. Another generation was placed between the person and the spirit. It was a more one sided discussion. 

(Also- as a side note- my formative years, when I really came into my own, was when the church and politics were in the spotlight over support of a gay marraige ban in California. Up until that point, I had felt a certain tie to the church, but at that point- as I was coming into my own adulthood - I was hurt and severed a tie that would take years to reconnect. )

Returning to my point, I am not for one moment, blaming the church for their interpreting God for the people. This is not a priest or pastor issue. My issue is of those who go once a week (or less) and have the work done for them, then put it out of sight out of mind for another six days. These are not participants in the “story.” Not putting your own voice out there, not having that one on one connection- doesn’t that make us a grandchild? That isn’t our intended role. 

Church is a blessing... if YOU think it is. But it has to be part of a bigger, more personal conversation, not the be all end all. 

But the idea of one on one, personal, spiritual relationship. That has always interested me. That’s what I’m musing upon with this blog. That’s why this passage meant so much. 

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Genesis 27: 1-40

Jacob gets Isaac’s blessing

0 for 2 Esau. Jacob tricked him again. This time Jacob had the help of his mother, Rebekah. I can’t help but feel bad for Esau. He was fighting a losing battle from the beginning. Jacob was already promised by God to be the leader of the family. Jacob was born clutching Esau’s heel. Jacob tricked him into giving up his birthright, and now this. What did Esau do to deserve such treatment? 

Marry outside the community? He didn’t marry till well after his birthright was given up. 

Then he lost his father’s blessing to Jacob. This had already been promised to Jacob, but Rebekah too the process upon herself to make it come true. 

What does this story tell us? Looking ahead we know that Jacob will have his own turmoils. We also see a bit more about Rebekah. Not long ago I wrote from my first impression of her. That impression has changed. Perhaps that is another takeaway from the story, lying and marking the wrong decisions has a way of defining us forever.

There’s a lot of confusion here- on my end. So many takeaways. Do I take my own interpretation. Do I take my study Bible’s? Those scholars are much smarter and more experienced than I am. But the answers could be that there aren’t official answers.  Then there is this.

“Whatever is received is received according to the manner of the receiver. This was drilled into me during my seminary education. People at different levels of development will interpret the same text (or homily) in different ways. There is no one right way to interpret sacred texts.”- Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation “How Jesus Interpreted Scripture Tuesday, January 10, 2017″

Oh that’s good.

“More than telling us exactly what to see in the Scriptures, Jesus taught us how to see, what to emphasize, and also what could be de-emphasized or ignored.”  Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation “How Jesus Interpreted Scripture Tuesday, January 10, 2017″

I don’t feel so bad now. Rather than try to take in EVERYTHING. I will continue to find the takeways that speak to the heart of this writer.