trazer - Tumblr blog

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Gaslighting...

...is a pretty sneaky tactic. I just learned what this term means. I feel enlightened, and more aware. I feel good about this. :)

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You won't get love letters if you never send any.

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Agreed

JUST BECAUSE IT IS COLD OUTSIDE DOTH NOT MEANETH THAT WE SHALL MAKE ALL DOMICILES HOT

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Warm Cold

I wanna stroll downtown, the streetlights so bright…breathe the crisp air so deep it creeps into the ends of my lungs, its sharpness stings as my feet drop into the snow, fluttering below… my eyelashes filtering the slow, driving cars traveling near not far…cross the street dive into the bar so toasty and warm, strip down to a simpler form, order up, sit down, no frown, just love for this moment spent with you soaked up til it’s through, don’t want it to end, we’ll be back again, my friend…oh winter walks with you, warm with love let’s stay awhile, shall we?

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Overthinker

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New Cell Phone rules

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This is true love. :)

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Smirking

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Wing

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Occupy

There is a lighthouse, on a rocky shore...there is but one light inside, no room for more.

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YOU CAN NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP BASED ON FEAR, ONLY LOVE.

Remember this above all things. There will always be greater or lesser people than myself. Everyone has a choice. If I am not someone’s choice…I can not make it so. I can only be my true, authentic self. This is where my part ends.

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Smoke your little smoke, drink your little drink...

I've been thinking a lot about social media lately, the effect it has on society, how and why people chose to use it, what it adds to our life experience, what it takes away...how it affects those closest to us. Knowing that I'm a part of this, even if I'm using it in a responsible way, what am I missing out on when I check out from reality, to unwind in a world of calculated instant gratification and affirmation? More and more, I'm craving a world that has only real experiences and interactions. There are certain generations that won't even know what it's like to live in a world without all of these distractions, with real time conversation, unless perhaps they grew up Amish. I know I want this someday, soon. I want my future to be filled with friends and family, adventures, travel, and I want to have the time and focus to devote to these things and more. I'm on the edge of shifting to this space, instead of waiting until I have the time and recourses to buy a boat and sail away, leaving these social constraints behind, even if only in my mind, why not do this now, today? A mind full of clutter, or a mindful existence? Things I think about.

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Repost

"There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment perpetually wearing their 'discomfort' like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now...but I can't help but look forward to where it's going." Jhonen Vasquez

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Bert

"Winds in the east, mist coming in, / Like somethin' is brewin' and bout to begin. / Can't put me finger on what lies in store, / But I fear what's to happen all happened before."

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Twenty facts regarding me

Twenty facts about me... 1. I'm 39 years old. 2. I have three amazing kids. 3. I'm a Portland, Oregon native...third generation, and adore my city. 4. I'm a Sagittarius, sarcastic, atheist, Buddhist, libertarian, loving, nihilist. 5. I'm excellent at building fires and building things in general. 6. I love living in the heart of a big city, but escape to the forest or ocean as often as I can. It's my reset button. 7. I don't fear dying at all, but I'm very afraid of vomiting. It's probably the only thing I'm afraid of. 8. I hold people to pretty high standards...humans in general, often I'm disappointed. 9. I hate driving. It forces me deal with assholes and idiots, which I'd rather be oblivious about. 10. My knowledge of dog breeds and state capitals is better than average. 11. Gender roles and behaviors are probably the most baffling thing to me right now. The negative aspects and inequality of this in the media, between one another socially...in the workplace, continues to anger me and I wish I could let it go. 12. I'm not good at letting things go, or forgiveness...for that matter. 13. I'm a better than average cook. 14. I'm pretty amazing at kissing. 15. I moved out of my parents house at fourteen years old and hitchhiked from Seattle to Portland. 16. My dad died when he was 42. 17. I'm generally a very good friend and very loyal. To a fault maybe. 18. Music is one of the most important things to me in life. I have an extreme weakness for horns, French horn in particular...and keys as well. Oh, and mosh pits are the most fun. 19. I've been a wholesale flower picker in fields of eastern Washington, a groundskeeper at a Catholic Church, a printer circuit board tester, a builder of liquid crystal display screens in a clean room, in middle management at the Nordstrom distribution center, a full time mother, a volunteer art teacher, a jewelry designer, a carpenter/house flipper, a landscape designer, a caterer, a hot side/cold side restaurant cook, a pastry chef, a graveyard shift utility baker, a merchandiser/sales rep at a feed store, a nanny, and a personal chef/personal assistant...all in that order, and I never completed college. 20. I was born in Munich, Germany.

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Comment to Lola...Outofleftfield

So crazy how our society creates this narcissist mentality of self worth that's tied to beauty. I fall prey to it as well, even tho I know it's so completely illogical. It messes with my head in other external ways tho. I can't stand seeing this mentality perpetuated, such as when people manipulate others with their looks...when people treat one another poorly OR give special treatment to someone based on appearance. It's such a hard line to draw tho. It's great to look your best, to be proud of what you have. To put your best foot forward, but when is it for others and not for ourselves? And...who am I to pass judgment to others in this arena? But I do. I'm highly annoyed at the tiny woman in skin tight clothes with an obvious breast augmentation, strutting her stuff a bit too aggressively while walking down the street, clearly trying to gain as much attention as she can. Ugh. As a mother of teenage girls, I hate that they live in a world where women like that are celebrated...in the media, advertising, celebrities, where there's literally no diversity of style or body type...just anorexic inducing images that clearly have had an adverse affect on our youth. So sad. But, am I doing the same thing when I post selfies on my feed? Clearly I'm appearing to be fishing for attention. Even if it's not the case...if I'm just feeling confident, or I'm loving the new dress I bought...I feel guilty for feeling sexy, for being okay with how I look at that moment with whatever crazy filter I've used to make my skin look magazine flawless ;) ...it sucks. It's also made me so jaded with my views towards other women. Thanks for letting me rant, this has bothered me for years now, and I can't quite seem to wrap my head around it enough to just acknowledge that it's part of the world we live in and just dismiss it and move on. Aka "not give a fuck." I really wish it weren't like this...I think what's got me stuck in a rut is that there seems to be no improvement, it just keeps getting worse. That's what I can't not give a fuck about! Anyway...you should probably delete this comment, but I think you're a kindred spirit, and it would be helpful to hear your thoughts on this, if you had the time. Also, you're so beautiful...Lola, my friend, thanks for posting this...it's lovely to see your face! ❤️