tried-and-tru

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My perfect mashed potatoes

The secret is in the water; literally, it’s IN the water.

See, when you boil potatoes, a lot of special starches and sugars and stuff leeches out into the water. When you drain the water before mashing them, you throw away a lot of good stuff, which is a big part of what makes mashed potatoes “dry” and bland, even when you add large amounts of cream and butter and things.

So don’t throw out any water.

Here’s how you do that:

First, cut your potatoes into smaller cubes than you probably do. (I’ve left the skins on for flavor and also, that’s where a lot of a potato’s nutrients are, like protien and iron and vitamins B and C, just to name a few)

The reason for cutting them smaller (besides avoiding giant peices of skin) is so that there is less space in the pot between each peice for water to fill, so you use less water to cook them. That’s important because you won’t be draining any water, so you can’t afford to have too much water! For the same reason, just barely cover them with water when they go on the stove.

But! Before you do that, put the pot on the stove with some butter, garlic, and seasonings; let the butter start to sizxle just a little then put most of a single layer of potatoes in the pan and let the brown and sear. Turn them, brown them on all sides, get ‘em fairly dark (I forgot to get a pic here because I was worried I’d burn the butter).

Ready? now throw the rest of the potatoes in right on top, and add your water, give them a stir. This way, you’re boiling in some of that lovely fried potato/french fry flavor.

Okay, so, as they cook, you may need to add a little water, not too much! ideally the very highest piece of potato will be poking just above the surface. Now, when your potatoes are really really soft, mash them directly into the water. Just pull them off the stove, leave all the water in, and start mashing. Trust me. At first you’ll think there’s too much water. If you get them mashed and they ARE a little too liquidy, just put ‘em back on the stove. You’ll have to stir often or constantly, but they will steam off additional water without losing any good stuff.

Now add some salt, and taste. Right?! And you haven’t even put in any cream or cheese or anything yet.

Speaking of which, you can use like, a third of the amount of butter or cream or anything, and they will still taste better than usual. So they taste better AND they are higher in nutrients AND lower in fats and salts! That’s a lot of win — enjoy your potatoes!

Fuck Columbus! Indigenous Rights! And happy Thanksgiving!

[tried-and-tru]

Extremely Easy Lazy as Fuck Flatbread/Foccacia/Pizza-type Thing For People Who Don't Know How To Bake Shit

You're gonna need uhh about

1 cup all purpose flour

1 tsp yeast

1 tsp baking powder

2 tbsp olive oil

like a cup and a half of water or somethin

1 tsp maple syrup/honey/sugar/sweetener of your choice

a pinch or a few of salt

whatever herbs you want brother (i used parsley, oregano, basil, and garlic powder)

I am not a baker I literally have only made flatbread and tortillas before in like, a pan on the stove. But it was super easy to slap some leftover dough into a pan to make this heavenly flatbread type thing so here's how it's done

In a bowl you're gonna mix flour, yeast (I use yeast that you just throw in dry, idk, follow your yeast's instructions), baking powder and salt.

Once those dry ingredients are mixed you're gonna add your sweetener/maple syrup, 1 of your 2 tbsps of olive oil, and about a cup of water (literally just enough to make it all come together in a dough)

If the dough is practically liquid or sticky as hell, add some more flour. If it's dry/brittle/wont come together, add a bit more water. It's not rocket science I promise you might need practice but like trust the process

Roll that dough onto a floured surface and knead that shit. So like press it down, roll it onto itself, press again, keep doin that til its a smooth ball

Put that shit back in the bowl (after lining the bowl with flour so it doesnt stick) and cover with a damp towel for 10 mins to let it rise. Alternatively you can put the dough in an air-tight container/plastic bag and leave it in the fridge over night like i did

Preheat oven to like 350F or 175C

After that shits risen get a greased baking pan (as you can see I used a standard round cake pan cause thats what i have) and drop the dough in. Flatten and spread it with your fingers, poke holes into it

Drizzle that remaining olive oil, add herbs and salt to taste, whatever the hell you want really. then pop it in the oven

I didnt time it just like, watch it til its golden brown idk

Take the pan out but let the bread relax for a hot minute. Then put the bread on a cutting board or cooling rack or something. Let it cool completely before cutting into it for best results

I made this to dip in beef soup but its also heavenly on its own as a certified bread enjoyer

[tried-and-tru]

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.

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chewy chocolate cookies

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Get ya spice game up. I go to a local farmers market and get all my spices. They have a whole spice wall that I love.

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Weirdly anti-millennial articles have scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard that they are now two feet down into the topsoil

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Oma’s Old Country Chicken Soup with Rice

Tonight on Cooking with El: a favorite family recipe that’s excellent when winter blues or political drama alike have got you down! My family always makes this as our first course at Thanksgiving dinner with turkey (and it’s a great way to use leftover turkey too), but it’s equally good with chicken. Like all my oma’s old country recipes, there aren’t hard and fast rules and you mostly eyeball ingredients and adjust according to taste – make it your own!

Ingredients:

½ onion

3 large carrots

1 parsley root and/or 1 rutabaga, if available

4 cloves of garlic (at least)

2 chicken breasts (shredded from a rotisserie chicken or chopped if raw)

1 cup of dry rice (more if a thicker consistency is desired)

Enough chicken broth to fill a large pot 2/3 full

2 big handfuls of parsley, chopped

5 heaping spoonfuls of sour cream

Hella black pepper (plus some whole peppercorns if possible)

White vinegar

Olive oil

Salt

Directions:

1. Chop your vegetables into small bite-sized pieces. Sautee the onion, carrot, garlic, and parsley root and/or rutabaga in a little olive oil at the bottom of a big soup pot.

2. Once the onions soften, add your broth. Bring to a low boil.

3. Add your rice, a handful of parsley, salt and lots of pepper, and at least two big glugs of white vinegar to your broth. (The acid in the vinegar brings out the flavors, trust me.)

4. Let your veggies and rice cook in the broth for at least 15 minutes, until the hard root vegetables soften and the rice cooks through.

5. To add the sour cream, put it in a bowl and whisk a little of the warm broth into it a few spoonfuls at a time until it is a liquid consistency. This will prevent clumps from forming and ensure it blends well into the soup. Add your sour cream mixture to the big pot and stir.

6. Add your chopped or shredded chicken and the other handful of parsley. Simmer a bit longer until veggies and rice reach the desired consistency and adjust seasoning as you like.

7. Serve and enjoy!

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Chocolate Poke Cake

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Smoked Sausage Ragù and Parmesan Polenta

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TACO SEASONING

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