trippycommunion

[trippycommunion]

mad theories

I have a list of ideas, thoughts and conspiracy theories I note down when I'm high -- this list is already teeming with about 100 items; it's a good marker for how many times we've smoked up. I love how the brain works weird when it's fucked up. The wiring is all haywire and everything seems to make perfect sense; most of the times the ideas are plain wrong if you consider how the universe really functions, but the bottomline is something very intriguing: it's all about perspectives, and that perspectives can be fuckin' weird and interesting. Since humans anyway don't give a fuck about reality and only adhere to whatever drives their own fucked up principles and morals, perspectives are all that matter at the end of the day.

So yeah, I'll keep making notes that get weirder by the day. Hopefully, something will come of it one day.

[trippycommunion]

full throttle

Life's been good, trips have been good, shenanigans have been good, communions have been unhealthily good, sleep has been outrageously long. But there's been a positive vibe overall; I'm feelin' good, I'm feelin' motivated to take on more.

So lately, I've realised that I zone out too quick, that I'm unable to focus on one single thing for long. Long, meaning a few minutes even. I have made it a thing to try and get my focus on, and zone in. The problem, or at least part of it, has been doom scrolling on my phone. Of course, this is a pervasive problem plaguing generations to come. Unless we train ourselves to be mindful and put our brains to use, we're gone. Simply wasted.

So part of the efforts (unsuccessful) were to try and meditate, try to code/think while being high. Pretty sure it has been a colossal failure so far. But this machine will never stop, pinning the throttle till I find some progress, trial and erroring till I hit the nail on the head.

[trippycommunion]

Thoughts.

Design and develop more small stuff.

Keep your brain on this zone. This is where you wanna be.

All the time. Everywhere.

Think about work. Think about design think about websites, apps, ui.

Think about code, coding problems, languages, AI and others.

For arts, get to the vimeo zone again.

Fkin glorious days. Fkin renaissance.

Anton isaev,

Said energizer,

Don't threaten me with a good idea

Other vid kids president music vid

Joji slow dancing in the dark

Find more vid songs

Bad motherfucker

Emperor's new clothes

I write sins not tragedies

Urban hippie

Full travel vidz

Animation vids

Ads

Sexy but artsy content

American dreams from there

European and artsy moviez

Victoria movie

Agent provocateur

All my tastes and sensibilities began there. Seminal time.

For hobbies

Learn FL Studio!!!!

[trippycommunion]

ganzfeld and ping pong balls

One time, I decided to do the Ganzfeld experiment while high, with the flashing disco lights instead of yellow/orange. It was a fascinating time. The flashes gave strong vibes of the interstellar scene when cooper starts falling into the black hole, and that influenced my trip heavily. I made some 'inferences', and blind noted them down.

#inference1:

Blue is the color of creation.

Existence at its finest is Binary.

#inference2:

Empathy is an apparition, and in its absence, we do outcome based deduction.

Trippy.

[trippycommunion]

Second trip

This was the best trip ever, and probably one of the best nights of my life. This was the best way to trip; fantastic music, buds and a bachelor pad.

Pre-games, more like full games

We started with Vodka; I partook in 3 pre-games before the communal consumption of food and other stuff. Me and Nikki headed off to Ratnadeep once again foraging for snacks and supplies. There was no time for caution; we had to enter the game fully warmed up. Nikki followed up after getting back home with 2 pre-games of his own.

Music was already rolling, the bright lights were off and the disco lights Nikki had bought on a whim one drunken night lit up the living room. The others just got started on their games, while me and Nikki had already started descending into the other realm.

All of us had our games now(those who were playing anyway), and I couldn't care less about what people were doing; I started entering the recess of my mind; me and my music. Yes, it was mine. I was living with the sound waves. I had already started dancing before the others came into the living room; it was just getting better.

Descent

Nikki suggested that we consume our marbles now; so we mixed them with slice. I chugged all of it, obviously.

What a combination that was! I didn't know what I was getting into right then. This was going to be leagues better than the first trip.

All of a sudden we had a power cut; I opened my eyes, and my vision was fuzzy. I tried explaining it to Nikki and the others, but then it was clear. Nikki and I were trying so hard to explain each other how stuff was getting weird. Now I knew; I had crossed the border. I stopped being confused and started taking it all in.

My eyes were closed most of the time; this was essentially sensory deprivation; my brain had gone into overdrive and was generating all visuals. This was unchecked pattern generation by my brain. It was soaking in reality when my eyes opened and augmented it when I closed my eyes.

Next thing I recall was the AI flashlight app Nikki had just downloaded (was it Nikki?) and it flashed when it detected variations in the ambient noise. We(mostly I, I think) freaked out, partly intentional and partly in delirium. Power came back eventually.

I remember consuming the music with all my heart and soul, and it resonated perfectly with my state of mind. This was the best way to enjoy music, no doubt (as I wondered at the end of the first trip blog). Jazz(or at least faux jazz) was THE jam. I vividly remember me, Shrey and Nikki tripping on the music. Chet Faker was the shit. The Psychedelic Porn Crumpets hit a different spot. We were all in harmony, the room drifting in the middle of nowhere in space.

I then remember us meditating, or at least me, 5 minutes at a time, twice! I cannot figure out how the time passed so swiftly. But even meditation hit differently now. A sublime experience. We listened to at least a couple hours of music on the awesome playlist.

We were constantly wondering if just marbles were like this, how joe rogan's favorite thing to try would be.

The dawn of the logs

I had previously thought and mentioned to the lads how I wanted to note down my experiences; this night I was too busy experiencing the self-generated patterns.

But then I remember, I had my eyes closed for about 30 min, only noting down stuff, what was being generated by my brain, what I wished, recurrent thoughts, what I wanted deep down inside. I even recorded a trip podcast of that, but most of it would be unintelligible to listen to anyway(but would it?).

Like the last time, I was living passionately through every minute. Although a new thing I noted is the lack of attention; I failed to note several things because my brain couldn't keep track of the train of thoughts.

My trip lasted till early morning, I could see day light before drifting in and out of sleep(or reality?); the music was still going. It ended with my favorite Grimes tracks - realiti, then delicate weapon for about half an hour, then grimes' lullaby loop for a couple hours. All this while, I continued vigorously making plans and noting them down. I had figured it all out; I just knew how to get my life back on track.

I may have made about 25 notes, 2 blog posts, 3 podcasts, bought a whiteboard and HC Verma that night. That is a whole two weeks worth of thoughts and explorations. I'm still perusing the notes, and I haven't read the 1000 word blog I wrote with my eyes closed. I suspect most of it would be grammatical nightmares. But I know, it is a manifestation of my unfiltered thoughts. One lasting and very real observation I made was, and in my own writing from that night: Not saying you're disingenuous while normal, but.. ...Now you're not thinking about the real world people, what they think, what your social image would be etc. Now you're only thinking what you're naturally inclined to think. You're bypassing the post processing we do of our thoughts. Not words, but thoughts itself. There are no checks. This is what you are. (grammatical errors corrected; otherwise even I had a hard time figuring out what this was)

By dawn I was still noting down stuff on phone. It was typo city on my phone, but I didn't care. The thought had to be put on phone before I lost it and the next thing took over.

Aftereffects

There's no doubt that the trip lasted a whole two days; the very next day even after waking up, I was feeling it. Not exactly in the zone, but my brain had gone through sort of a cathartic experience; I was somehow a different person now; I had to obey the mastermind from the night before. So I did. At least for a couple days till normalcy returned gradually. I had made plans for the next day, the next week, and laws and guidelines for the foreseeable future. This was a new me. I'm not even exaggerating. While the first trip was a joy ride, this was a perspective altering milestone.

[trippycommunion]

First trip

It's like a lucid dream, a fantastic universe where you're partially in control of where you teleport to. I had a delayed trip. First stage- Peace. Music was soothing, and I felt light headed, and placid. I knew I was laughing and talking more than normal, but had started slipping. I was happy. Second stage- I was still denying the existence of a high, although I was lightly buzzed. We were having lunch at a Pizzeria, we were talking and I do not recall when, but I was in there at the bar with the boys from Ee Nagaraniki Emaindi. I was in a golden lit bar, still talking to my buds, jazz playing in the far background. This lasted for a while, and awareness of the surroundings was intermittent. I then started thinking about Fear and Loathing in Vegas, and I was there; in that universe with its rules, its mood, and its people. I would teleport back to the pizza place when I had to talk or interact, but otherwise I lived in Mr Depp's universe. Third stage- I was ravenously hungry, and even the hardest bread crumbs felt like butter; just chewing food felt divine. We ordered more and more food, and it got tastier by the minute. The parallel universes had taken precedence over the physical one, and I had a grin on my face the whole time. Friends were already having a bad trip by then, but I was having the time of my life. Then, it was time to leave the place; I had to get down a flight of stairs, but my system crashed, and I forgot how to use my legs. Reminded me of Depp's walking in Fear and Loathing. I was grinning wildly, and took Nikkis' help to finally climb down the stairs. Unfortunately, I have a lapse in memory till when we started watching TV in Nikkis' room. (EDIT after a couple of days: I do remember us deciding to go shopping for food, and picking stuff up at a supermarket, but I was unaware of everything, and I felt a strong parallel to Fear and Loathing when they pick up stuff for their literal trip. It just felt so appropriate, go shopping for no particular thing when you're tripping) Fourth stage- One key takeaway for me is that every experience is the most engrossing one when you're tripping. We watched some Cucks by Fh, Fear and Loathing, Mag's music, Nikkis' trippy music videos, some Telugu movie nsfw parodies. Mag and I laughed till our lungs were sore, and we needed some time to cool off. Whatever we watched was the best thing ever, till the next thing superseded it. Every item of food was the most sumptuous thing ever, especially that silky Fruitella. I don't remember if we slept for a while or not. I think I would have the best time listening to music while tripping. Honestly, a surreal experience. Some might call it a Fever Trip.

[trippycommunion]

triplogs

a log of unfiltered thoughts drawn from my brain and put into my notes app (in reverse chronological order)

#willdo

will start fkin working out, get ripped. fk junk food. imma get fkin sexy. imma look great. imma eat healthy. imma start working on myself. imma learn english, spanish. imma be confident as heck imma be the best. fk it imma get rid of my addictions

#whatmatters

not this fake tunes. not fevertrip. not those things. what actually matters? something substantial and sustainable rather than instant gratification. something I cam plan and execute and conquer, rather than impulsive and brash and myopic. What really matterS? I want to witness something breaking through . I want to witness a gigantic change. The actual cutting edge. The one that breaks our current meta. I want to be near the helm of this. So what do I want? Bioinformatics, artificial intelligence hold the key. So what do I want? I wanna get good at them. So what do I want? Im gonna pick up python and deep learning where I left it off. Im gonna start bioinformatics. Im gonna read godel escher bach. Im gonna try to unify my understanding of both these things and fit them into my neural network, training myself. What do I want? I dont want the banality of everyday. I want to do stuff everuday, actually engage my brain, and do stuff. Thats gonna shoot up my chances of doing something big. Do i want love? I thought I found the perfect one. But no there had to be a twist of course. She had to leave for the usa too. great. another heartbreak, I thought this was the one. I thought I had perfect sync.

#listen!

Don't even think of giving up now. You're at the point where your choices will dictate the rest of your life. You got this, man. Just tool through this, fuckin rip it apart.

#turlington

Faaaak remember that bus 12,9,35, 36 stop at UF.. Aoa exam you got k- way merge sort in aoa but yuvaraj didn't... Fkkkk

What happens when you zone out? The clearance of a filter, not just of mouth, but the mind too. Incoherent, but it's real. There's perfect clarity. There's your real you, the unfiltered, unfettered soul trapped and confused inside the everyday banality. Now you know what really matters to you, and what you miss from past fuckups. When it's combined with the right music, the limbic resonance is fucking powerful.

Ideas over matter What ultimately matter are ideas. Not corporeal and material stuff. This is flesh and sand, they have a shelf life. After that, the only way they survive are in the form of thoughts and memories. Ideas, and shared reality make this life special and give it a meaning. Consciousness or whatever. This is the center. Meaning revolves around this. The whole upshot of existence is the thriving of ideas. Ideas are sexy. And they are immortal.

#thingstotakecareof

Whiteboard sesh livestream with normal lens with high exposure. You got this. Make it interesting. Update regularly on Su channel with nice artwork, editing and stuff. This will keep you occupied. Fucking go on a strict week diet. You were fucking handsome and youthful during master's. Now look at your fat and ugly face. Fucking diet, walk, jog, gym for a week or two, take another photo and see the diff. You can still fucking rock it. Don't let this time go. This is you at the purest, talking to you. I know what's important. I can see clear. I know what you actually want. I know what's driving you at the deepest. So listen to me and do what I say. Just give up control for a week or two and just see the diff. Just remember how you felt after just 6 days of nnn. Fucking invincible. You were the fucking master of your life, your brain and your animal self. You had control!!!!! Faak. Let's get it again. Just check in after a week again. Lets go fucking get it. Fucking look good. Cut your hair and trim facial hair. Pick up English, Spanish again. Let's fucking break past limits this time. Prep the fuck out of magoosh. Write essays. Record vlogs. Speak easy. Fucking get ripped. Get biceps, triceps, shoulders. Recall Gainesville gym at university commons. Remember uf. Watch uf vids and pics tomorrow. Get inspiration. Remember all the architecture review and how you craved for it. Fucking start blogging again. You are a fucking motivated person, just that momentum is kinda misdirected now. You can still fucking break things. You're fucking special. Listen to old lex and jre while designing. Listen to kick ass music while walks. Dynamic programming is sexy. Coin denomination is sexy. Don't be afraid of problems, of unknowns. It's just a matter of acquiring new knowledge, and (merging) it with your neural network. Read books! Do waking up with Sam Harris! But... What Im failing to see is there are hundred more ladders in front of me. I just gotta channel my creativity and talent into this one thing. I gotta tunnel vision on the grand idea. Gotta get up and start working hard now. Nows the time not another never better to get sober and wake the fuck up and make the stacks larger. I feel so much better now let's go get it. Fuckin slay it Be confident!

#tripthree

Reitz union Friday game nightsRoaming around UF. Anticipating feeling desired. Girls. I was in the prime I think. The peak of my youth. 21 and 22.So much hope. There was a definite sexual manly guyly thing right then. Looking for female looks. Acting all hard to get and coy. Feeling great about it.Once a girl approaching during Reitz, my dumbass not realising it. Laters feeling awesome. Even before that, the first event at UF at that auditorium. Fkin diff feels. One Asian girl approaching and asking for selfie as a dare. Me fucking feeling great. Fun times. Joining UF star cai movie group. Going to Turlington Hall on evenings.Fucking library west. Fking walk to there.Trees and openness. Students everywhere, youth all around me.Fuck there's only a couple years of my youth left. Fkkk.Gotta explore the world. Alone. Gotta fall in love. Gotta be foolish. Gotta see what lies ahead. Gotta look forward. Gotta get out of the country and live a diff life.Chuck this short term pleasures. Faaaaak. See what lies ahead.Do what you do more. That's enough.Fk movies. Fk games. Fk porn. Fk every day stuff. Fk mediocrity. Fk this is the only time. Thus will never come back. Now you have the 20/20 vision.  You know what's important and what's not.Fking India bazaar, getting off the bus there and crossing. Hum Mar jaayenge song playing there.

#Plans for world ruling cont'd

Take as many breaks as possible. Keep your mind occupied with a variety of interesting and exciting things. Read books. Solve science hc Verma.Spend more time away from comp and brainless yt and start diversifying. Even yt start with tech vids on other profile.Do hc Verma. Gre math. Gre English. Toefl stuff. Cat prep. Read books. Read geb or war and Peace. You have it all. Leetcode. Plan and execute apps. Learn Spanish. Fkin actively play vid games instead of passive. Play forza. play siege. play hitman. play rdr 2 and savor the worlds.keep your curiosity stimulated at all times. Keep your thoughtvoice to English only. This is gonna be hard. I know. But just get used to this. This will be fkin great. Get in the shoes of the nnn 2020 guy. Feel fkin confident. The key is taking breaks.. Make a big deal out of these plans. Make it a big event. You love it.When you feel bored or in inspired, take a walk mindlessly. JUST Do IT. You'll feel way better. Just regather your thoughts. Fking great night walks I had during nnn. Planning and executing.

#plans for world ruling

Fkin confident. New me. I am a fkin animal. I can do this. this is you. The real you no inhibitions no filter. Your thought lines are as clear as they can be. Now you're completely discerning You can be algorithmically understood. We can see how the patterns of thoughts can be deduced easily from your background. So what do you want? You have your whiteboard now. You can Fking do Leetcode like in newell Hall whiteboard with bharath the tree problems. You can even fkin record yourself solving questions, post on youtube. See your progress. It's gamified now. Yes. Make a channel clueless programmer and start solving. Fk yes. This is a thing. A pleb codes. Me in front of the camera. Whiteboard on. Obs plus camera record. Me reading the problem on Leetcode. Saying it out loud. Solving it out loud. Writing a test case and walking through the problem on whiteboard. Then finally after confident solving in Leetcode. Screen recorded. This series has a special tag and featured in Fvrtrp. Fvrtrp header has a new item which is featured Content for a while before another item replaces it. Fk yes. Gradient color text. Or a gradient bg for item in nav. I'm gonna document my clueless thoughts on the blog with the hashtag #aplebcodes Pinky bubbly font hashtags on blog homepage top. Can filter by it. Blog front matter hashtags too. Pleb.exe first blog: Have tried Leetcode before. I wanna conquer this. Have cowered and ran away from it before and maybe even literally ruined a great career. Second try recently. Good progress, but then one unsolved problem was all it took for me to freak out again and abandon it. I know I will eventually crack this. Bought a whiteboard now. Camera is also working. Will vlog this. Whiteboard culture. Will also document this here in the blog. I want to gamify this, setting up rewards for everything I do. I like video making process, so I will channel that interest it with this and make the most of it. The pleb.Exe series. Cartoonish dumb guy avatar. Cartoon text. Yt cover and artwork. And styling. Even hashtag. BTW blog in Fvrtrp needs a search bar. Fvrtrp great place to blog and dip myself deeper into tech. I fkin love coding and tech. I love that sphere that whole eco system. I want to be deeply entrenched in it. I love coding a new product that adrenaline surge. So what are you gonna do?

#want

USA big fokin house  jazz music. Calm and green rich country lands. Swamps, rdr2. Night time. Saint Denis. Architecture. That house with the pool in the middle. That Tirupati house with the pool in the top. Fking good architecture. Rich life. Calm mind. Peaceful mind. Gorgeous wife. Happy life. Golden lights. Night time. Parties. Back home. Jazz era. Gainesville. American life. Walks on university commons roads. Night times in Florida. Gator nights. Controlled by the dark lord. Not the same universe. Stars in the darkness. Sleep slowdive. Florida. Thanksgiving house. Dinner with UF people. Then group session. Me talking about chance but genuinely. A guy saying he likey my perspective. I talked about Randomness and chance and how I ended up saying those words. It was genuine and came out of somewhere deep within. Those golden lights. Me in awe about the neighborhood. Calm peaceful life. Tree of life. Lane ride to UF.  cracking the finalexam, a- in plp. Fking studying prepping for interviews me and bharath. Uf. Library west. Newell hall. The hub. Hearing the news that I got a-. That feeling when I passed the exam. Fking good prepping with yuvaraj for the aoa exam. DOS classes place. That hall as I walked late to the class as it was already populated, waiting for Alan dobra. Dobra being eccentric. Fking being there in the morning with my note book. Feeling overwhelmed at a young age. Fking surreal. Dobra, elixir, aoa ungor Fking good. Cricket at tennis courts. Kiran. Aoa exam big ass classroom. Why am I there? I don't belong here. Surreal. I am walking along the roads of UF. The fkin city when I first got drunk. Experience of a lifetime. That pub at night time. Pubs in USA. I am there. Fking great feeling of being there. So strong. The night and pubs, the golden lights. The ambience. Once for first time boardwalk going on bus with bharath to the other side of the town. Fking like a movie. Wow. The roads, the city, actual downtown Music is fkin good. Psychedelic porn crumpets. Kannabiran. Saint augstine. how fricking good was it to go there and see that place. So Odd to see in real life. The walk on the roads. profile pic. S liking it. Me making. A big deal out of it. S Fking doctor. USA. Fk hard working. The perseverance and Fortitude required. Inter. Me and prad thrown out of class. Nrk class. Then me prad Jay out of Murthy's class. Girls coming out and seeing us outside and giggling. New Orleans. Fkin swamps. Night time. Saint augustine me took photos after first walking. Fking surreal. Feels like a Dream.like a movie. Like it wasn't my life and someone else's. Aspirations. Good life. Big house. Nice wife. Nice cars. Peaceful life. Night time. Venice like. That 'am I weird' story. Paris. Me and love. Vacation Europe me and hon. Time is ___. That bow zhu video were there in that city. They're ffeefalking. Red and blue lights city lighting up. Sketches for city. Song Fking good. Star Cai vid guy his music vid. Gainesville film club experience. The classrooms, me being dazed and awed. Near hub that subway building. The arts classroom. The vending machines and stalls outside that place. Me crossing for bio informatics class. What will I do in the future? Meditating now to get the answers Coorg with mom. The golf course. Night time drive to moderat Interlude the mark song. Gainesville scene. Night walks with yuv and bharath after studies from library west and Marston. Open nature skies and me driving a lake in the middle. Future grown up and all alone independent and stuff. My most basic deepest feeling. That life. I crave it. That picture that vision is too seductive. Fking beautiful wife. Passionate love. Free people. No mediocrity. I'm wealthy. I am confident. I'm an adult. I'm powerful. I'm fking confident. I am the shit. People crave me. I am desirable. S. S. Am I a psychopath. Everyone is equally weird. People just don't feel normal sometimes. This is just a norm formed after civil society. Everyone has a freaky perspective if that can be felt by another person. People are freaks. We are just another species as

fragile and micro as anything else. Insignificant. There's a vast space playground and we're an infinitesimal part of it. There is an endless space out there. We don't matter. We're random. There's a massive black space. Trillions of stars. We're a speck in it. Grimes realiti new office golden lights night time. Me on new bike to the Office. HSR. 11-ish travel to office. Stand ups in that kutti office room, feeling new liking the exp.