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Me playing Pokemon 10 years ago:

Oh man if only pokemon was real I WOULD BE THE VERY BEST my fucking overlevelled team of 6 dragons eats these pussy-ass NPC youngsters for breakfast, I would be a fucking GODDESS among men, I would tame the fiercest legendaries of every region and scale the ranks of every league and maybe one day when I’m older even settle down somewhere and open my own gym-

Me playing pokemon now:

Dude how amazing would it be to just. .. own a tiny house somewhere near the Kalos flower fields. Have my Poliwrath help me water my crops. I wish I could wake up and comb my alolan Dugtrio’s mane before I start the day…. My Sunfloras may not be that great in battle but look how happy they are, greeting the first morning light…!

Hey is that a young trainer coming this way? His team looks tired, I bet one of my freshly-baked Tropius banana pies could heal ‘em right up… he’ll probably need this TM more than I do, too…

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This year, Tony Stark’s birthday is treated as an International holiday. It is the least that the people could do for the man who destroyed Thanos and his entire army, obviously with the help of Natasha, Bruce, and all the other Avengers.

Schools all over the world held assemblies. There were moments of silence. Teens read heart-wrenching poems and showcased breathtaking art. Children reenact the battles that Iron Man has won. They all wear red and gold in support of the Potts-Stark family.

#HappyBirthdayIronMan trends. Citizens all over the globe tweet about how he has impacted their lives, how Tony saved them, how he has made their life better. Celebrities wear fake Iron Man masks. Politicians who once hated Stark, cherish him and send “their prayers.” 

Major monuments are lit in red and gold. Spaces like buildings, streets, and parks are renamed after Anthony Edward Stark.

Tony Stark is never, ever forgotten. The people will always need him but the world itself never deserved him. Despite this, he still saved, helped, and gave it his all because he thought he didn’t deserve them. He truly did have a heart of gold but the world discovered it too late.

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Peter: Today I learned that “only” 20 people have been boiled alive in Yellowstone National Park.

Stephen: But with your help, we can change that. For just a small monthly donation, you can help us sacrifice a tourist to old faithful every single day.

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BILL NYE can’t stress the importance of Climate Change enough

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“The rules for this session of three-way flyting will be thus:” Loki said. “We will take turns clockwise to come up with insults that are true of the other two players but not of yourself. Bonus points for poetic devices and for burn.”

“Let’s let Peter start,” said Tony. “He’s new to flyting.”

“I guess I’ll start off simple,” he said. “You guys are old.”

Loki was next. “You both have an exceptionally difficult time keeping your mouths shut when it would be the intelligent thing to do.”

Tony smirked. “You have developed an unfortunate habit of throwing your crush out of windows.”

Peter knew he had to up his game. “You’re such divas; you’ve been caught off guard monologuing.”

Loki went for the burn. “Your reputations rely on technology but you stole your most revolutionary ideas from your fathers.”

“Ouch,” said Tony. “Well you both got your asses whooped by biologists with emotional issues who had managed to turn themselves into big green monster things.”

“You’re certifiably insane and SHIELD thinks you’re a major pain,” Peter said.

“Rhyming iambic tetrameter. Impressive,” Loki said, and then made his play. “Your suits give you ridiculous hat hair. Once you take them off you both look like tribbles are eating your heads.”

“Nice simile.” Tony had to pause for thought. “How about this. You’re eating all the time but you’re still too skinny. It’s bizarre. Your bony little model figures are the envy of women everywhere. Very feminine.”

“Ugh, I do not need to hear that shit from a father figure. Makes my ears feel dirty. Oh hey, that’s one. The both of you can make anything sound filthy. You’re terrible influences on me.” Peter simultaneously cringed and smiled.

Loki smiled. “One of the most pathetic things about the both of you is that half of the chaos you’ve caused has been completely inadvertent.”

Soon it devolved into a three-way tickle fight, which Tony lost, badly.

“I love family game night,” Peter laughed.

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scott: who are they

tony: these are shield. i mean, hydra, but we didn’t know it then

scott:

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peggy: hey steve, can you go post this letter for me?

steve: post a lett-

peggy: yeah and have you looked at hotels for our vacation?

steve, shaken: oh no lemme just googl-

steve:

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Sure why not ig

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imagine steve getting call me maybe or something stuck in his head and then getting upset that he has to wait 70 years to hear it again

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side effects of endgame include severe anemia. im experiencing a fuckin iron deficiency

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tony stark didnt die until he was canonically established as spidermans father figure

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10 Reasons it Would Suck to Keep a Hurricane As a Pet

1. Where will you keep it?

I suppose you could just rope off the Bay of Campeche…with ridges.

2. How will you feed it?

Their diet may be 100% warm seawater, but DAMN do these guys need a lot of it. Like just ten hours without 200 feet deep oceans of it and they drop dead. Remember folks, a hungry cane is not a happy cane.

3. House-training a hurricane is hard.

Forget litter box litter, you need sand bags.

4. Heating costs

What are you going to do about upwelling, huh? I guess you could stick a ton of aquarium heaters on the seafloor.

5. Beach parties are sooooo out.

At least you can now carry the beach with you when you go for walks inland.

6. Toys

“Fetch the oil rig!” gets tiring after a while.

7. You can’t have a multi-hurricane household.

Aww, you think they look so cute doing the Fujiwhara together? Wait until your Category 5 shreds your new tropical storm with its outflow and eats its remnant moisture for breakfast.

8. NOAA does not do house calls.

Who do you contact if your hurricane gets sick? “Hi…is this the NHC? My Bob just swallowed a ton of dry air and I think he needs his stomach pumped.”

9. You can’t name it.

I mean, I suppose Alicia is a nice name, but what if you want to call your new pet Azriel the Angel of Destruction? You’ll need to take that one up with the World Meteorological Organization.

10. It might kill you or someone you know.

I know you say your typhoon is a really friendly guy, and it couldn’t have been him, but I saw it throw a tree into my house while it was off leash. 

EDIT: Apparently after writing this, Tumblr recommends “water-based introspection” as a tag to follow. LOL

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hOw sHOuLd I kNow

Comrade Lenin gets a bath

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hey quick question what the FUCK

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y’all: peter was able to stop bucky’s fist in civil war bc bucky heard peter’s voice, realized he was a child, then weakened his punch bc he was so worried about hurting a child uwu

me, eating pistachios: y’all know peter can canonically lift up to 75 tons, right. y’all know bucky’s fist is easy as hell for peter to block, right. y’all know bucky didn’t know shit about peter being a child and was just shocked that someone was able to so easily block his punch, right. y’all know that, right.

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I

Comrade Lenin gets a bath

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I can’t stop thinking about crocodiles for some reason so here’s some cool pictures I found of probably the second largest one in captivity, his name is Utan:

isn’t he beautiful

listen to the SOUND when he bites

and that’s not even a real power bite, that’s mostly just heavy bone falling on heavy bone from his jaws and the air rushing out from between them