tryingdoesnthurt

[tryingdoesnthurt]

im at that point of recovery where I avoid knowing my weight and am terrified of tomorrow cus it's the new weekly weight day am okay with gaining weight and i am okay with eating, I just can't stand knowing that I'm gaining weight because I binge on sweets. Those are the only things I actively wanna purge, because I'd rather gain with a healthy diet than with only sugar and carbs. idk just a random realization

[tryingdoesnthurt]

Idk whether to cry, punch something, or hurt myself

[tryingdoesnthurt]

i keep saying “who want me”

like bro the psych ward

[tryingdoesnthurt]

I feel like a fraud and I feel guilty and pathetic when I’m not destroying myself

[tryingdoesnthurt]

Hey! I was just curious as i noticed you always put B/P - L - D - E - SH in your wieiads and I was just wondering what they all stand for, im assuming b/p is b1nge/purge and sh is s3lf h4rm but idk the others?

those are correct, yeah! the others are other compensating methods (exercise, diuretics, laxatives) that i would put in purple if i ever use them !

[tryingdoesnthurt]

7 - 18/05/2025

wieiad — 1.56 — free day

breakfast (6:30am): chocolate mug cake with strawberries, chocolate spread and one banana; one coffee

lunch (1:30pm): katsucurry with basmati rice, one small slice of bread with dulce de leche

afternoon snack (4:30pm): white yogurt, chocolate granola and some melon; one caffelatte

dinner (7:45pm): konjac noodles with cabbage and cauliflower, some gyoza

dessert (8:00pm): some chocolate cookies with milk

[B/P - L - D - E - SH] [cigarettes: 15] [vape: 115 drags]

random pics I was able to take

daily log

The katsucurry was amazing. I cooked it with my brother. It has been so long since we did something together. I have missed him. I'm happy I managed not to purge it. of course, though, i binged on cookies again after the snack and acted on it.

Im tired. I don't know how to stop

I fell asleep on the balcony and slept 9h consecutively for the first time in months. sorry that this is late lol

[tryingdoesnthurt]

not even in the free day. not even in the fucking free day.

[tryingdoesnthurt]

look look what I painted 🙈🖌

It was a paint by number so I cheated but still im lowkey proud of myself

[tryingdoesnthurt]

some flowers I saw on my walk today

[tryingdoesnthurt]

I love it when the narrator is unreliable

[tryingdoesnthurt]

Eating to have energy and to workout in the future instead of working out to eat

[tryingdoesnthurt]

6 - 17/05/2025

wieiad — 1.55

breakfast (5:00am): overnight oats made with protein chocolate milk, stracciatella flavor coconut milk based yogurt, strawberries and one banana; one cup of soluble coffee and barley

morning snack (10:00am): salted caramel yogurt, half a banana and two chocolate cookies; one cup of soluble coffee and barley

lunch (1:00pm): cold soba, salmon and purple cabbage

afternoon snack (4:40pm): chocolate cookies, half a banana and some strawberries; protein chocolate milk with coffee

dinner (8:00pm): basmati rice with tomato sauce and parmesan plus one banana;

[B/P - L - D - E - SH] [cigarettes: 14] [vape: 70 drags]

random pics I was able to take

daily log

Today i was so damn tired. I relapsed in the b/p cycle and i'm not proud of it. I slept a lot during the morning after having woken up at 4am and having gone back to sleep at 7am. Did the TIP after lunch and took the new medication in need. Slept again. Saw my best friend and chatted with my gf. We set boundaries !! That was cool. I'm so glad I have someone like her in my life, i love her a lot

i hate all of this this so so much

i hope tomorrow will be better but every day is the same so i don't know anymore

night !

[tryingdoesnthurt]

i love my mutuals i love my mutuals i love my mutuals i love my mutuals every time they post im skedaddling over to like whatever it is

my mutuals could get me to read a five thousand page construction manual so we would have another shared interest

every time they post fit checks and body checks im like gyatt damn my mutuals are so fine

i’m in love with my mutuals ‼️‼️

[tryingdoesnthurt]

Here’s to hoping that every single person with schizophrenia or a schizoaffective disorder or DID or NPD or any other ridiculously demonized mental illnesses has a wonderful day

[tryingdoesnthurt]

Our little stupid conversation means more to me than you think

[tryingdoesnthurt]

i feel like im missing out on life

[tryingdoesnthurt]

crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal