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Meanwhile in our garden when me & my sibs were kids

"Hey, I just found this" *holds up random piece of bone

"Oh, that's just another cow/pig/chicken bone"

I think I made this exact post before but every few months on social media someone will be like “OMGGGGGG I FOUND BONES BURIED IN MY CELLAR. I JUST CALLED THE COPS.” and the bones are so visibly (weathered) butchered cow bones or small animal bones. Not a single time is it a ‘they could be human…’ incident. Totally not the poster’s fault because I doubt the majority of people know human skeletal anatomy. Were people 120 years ago burying the remains of their barbecue rib dinner in the dirt floor of the cellar to freak people out in the future or something? No, but like, it seems like packing your walls and floors with trash was so common until like 30 years ago.

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Sounds gret. What is a la cucaracha and what does it sound like?

all cars should come with the la cucaracha horn by default. i think it would make traffic and road rage at least 40% more interesting

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I personally think favourably of any land-prone mammal and I don't get why everyone's making a big deal of wolves coming back to germany (thanks, brothers Grimm), they wouldn't cause any harm to humans, so I think it's probably the same with mountain lions over at your side of the pond. However, if I see a spider that's bigger than about two centimeters across, you can bet I'm gonna be standing there with holy water and an exorcist.

You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

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If I were prone to sleeptalking and capable of more than basic latin I would try something like that, just for fun.

Your boyfriend starts mumbling in Latin in his sleep and it scares the hell out of you but upon translation he’s introducing himself, inquiring on the price of grain, attempting to sell dormice, brainstorming silly Saturnalia gift ideas. In his sleep he somehow becomes a 1st century BC plebeian, of modest means but with a pleasant outlook on mundane life.

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What if I don't have a favourite fish???

love when you go to the club and the DJ sets the water level up high and everyone starts swimmin

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My handwriting be like

I just found the funniest font ever

Like. What is this. Why is this. Who is the target audience of this?

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Stack of Books, at your service. *insert magic trick here

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Eugh, spiders. I know they mean well and all and aren't dangerous, but they still give me scares all the time. Mountain lions seem kinda cute tho.

You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

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I'm just gonna use this video of a puppy spider as exposure therapy.

Thirsty wunk

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I will have to keep following you just to spite you then

ive become too marketable i need to fire rent lowering gunshots. i should start posting about minecraft youtuber ships again.

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Do Not get me started on how much dolphins are sick motherfuckers with a complete pretty priviledge.

But if you ever see a swan in nature, especially if they have babies with them, do not approach. They have vicous beaks and claws.

You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

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Wait, the Mighty No? Anyone else capable of german noticed that?

Also, that's a really cool character design

Official Art of the animated Mighty Nein (plus Essek)

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Not to me personally, I'm lucky and/or smart enough not to have encurred their wrath, but I've heard of a swan physically throwing someone (admittedly a girl in her early teens) off her bicycle, so I wouldn't put anything past them.

You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

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Behold: more evidence that society is, in general, fucked.

There has been a crazy amount of fear-mongering about the age of first time moms getting older and older and how moms 40+ were the only demographic of women where the fertility rate rose, making it the first time in history that there are more women 40+ having children than teen pregnancies. The right is spinning this as being indicative of modern women being selfish and sewing in rhetoric about how a woman’s eggs dry up and blow away the moment she hits 30.

What is interesting is that they never mention the average age for a first time mom is 27 and the average age for a first time dad is 31. We are seeing dudes who are 50 saying “I’m not ready to settle down and start a family, I’m going to do that someday but I’m still out here seeing my wild oats.” My dad is 55 and several of his friends have had kids in the past 5 years. They’re angry at girls and women for not popping out babies the moment they start menstruating but not at men for deciding to start a family when they are GERIATRIC!

Maybe the birth rate would be higher if it was easier to find a good life partner and start a family sooner. Maybe it would be higher if there were less men dicking around for 50+ years and deciding to start a family only when they’re on the precipice of entering a nursing home, at which time their female peers have gone through menopause and the 20 something girls they chase don’t want them. It is always the fault of women when it comes to matters of reproductive health. It is their fault if they become a single mother. It is their fault if they don’t get to start a family until they’re 40+. It is their fault if they choose to be child free because of the state of the world and the amount of trust it requires to have a child with someone.

Why are grandpa-dads something we’re expected to turn a blind eye to and women over 40 having their first baby something we’re supposed to be angry at?

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The knight should become her PR manager as a side occupation and handle all the Scary Social Interactions for her.

Princess with an empathic link to her sworn protector but she has severe anxiety so her door keeps getting thrown open and someone in full armor runs in yelling I'LL PROTECT YOU MY LADY, WHERE'S THE DANGER? and she's just got outlook open and there's two (2) emails she needs to reply to

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For the information of anyone who cares to check: swans are even more evil than geese. And more terrifying. Once you piss them off, they will be hell-bent on destroying you.

You are a princess. Your evil witch stepmother turns you into a swan. Instead of running away to mope around in a lake and be beautifully tragic, you decide to stick around the palace and cause problems on purpose.

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Aren't we all evil fucking shadow clones of ourselves or alternatively evil-fucking shadow clones?

ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself