tsukirecs

[tsukirecs]

the way i loved you — kim seungmin. （ candle on the windowsill ）

masterlist. playlist.

✰ pairing : non-idol!seungmin x fem!reader (with she/her as pronouns) ft. day6’s wonpil

✰ genre : exes to lovers, angst, fluff, mutual pining, a little bit of idiots to lovers, a slice of life, semi-college au

✰ warnings : mentions of food, profanity and kissing, not proofread.

✰ word count : 7.01k

✰ playlist : the way i loved you by taylor swift, here always by kim seungmin, give me your forever by zack tabudlo, love again by baekhyun, and araw-araw (everyday) by ben&ben.

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

What was it like to break up with Seungmin? 

It was cold and blue, full of sad smiles and tears that were kept behind throughout the happiest moments you’ve had. Torn and crumpled sheets of paper, wilted flowers, broken glasses scattered on the floor, and a sad song. Voices of arguing people echoes within the apartment until someone decided to move out leaving half of it lies empty. Broken picture frames, one toothbrush in the bathroom, one pair of shoes by the doorsteps, the scent of his perfume remained until it fades. It was filled with madnessーhe was so in love. 

The past relationship was beautiful, falling in love with Seungmin felt like an angel saving you from a tragic fate. Soft as clouds, sweet like candy, beautiful like flowers, it was so good and delicate, one that everyone craves for a relationship. He was perfect for you, the person who never fails to make you smile or make your heart pound like crazy. A sweet voice that sings you to sleep, physical interactions that send butterflies in your stomach, eyes that plead not to make you mad at him for a long time when he did something wrong, a shower of kisses during cuddles, his acts of service that force you to fall into thoughts, what did you do in your past life to deserve someone like him? You were so in love, and so he is. 

It was love at first sight when you met him years ago after your sister got engaged to his brother. You were both in sophomore year in college but attending different universities. They live in the city proper as you were living an hour away. You remember how much he looked that day. Gray hoodie and baby blue jeans, white shoes, and a black backpack, he was running late. His hair was fluffy enough for the wind to play. A gentle voice of apology was heard with his awkward smile, he was so cute with those puppy eyes. One that made your heart race and cheeks turned red. His eyes fell in your direction and gave you a warm smile showing his braces. His brother introduced him to everyone and became very close friends with you. 

Every beating for your heart was for him, yet you thought he only sees you as less than a lover. Every hour was spent with him you’d wish to last. It was one of the great experiences you’ve had and bittersweet memories you wanted to keep. Seungmin was the love of your life, he didn’t know that at first, but even if he’s not aware of how you felt for him, you were just thankful enough to stay by his side. And you know that one day, he will break your heart because you failed to do the right thing, or so you thought. 

It was the way he persuades you to let him take you home even if he gets in his own house late at night. An hour from the city to your address and another hour from your house to the city where he lives in the proper. Your mother loves him as much as how she treats your brother-in-law who happened to be his older brother. A small world that leads you to two to be together. It sparked a friendship that soon turned into a romantic phase when he texted you out of nowhere, at 2 am and it was raining. You couldn’t sleep, thoughts filled with only him. He was standing outside your house, soaking wet in the rain, stole his dad’s car to drive here saying he wanted to see you after days of ditching when in fact he was deliberately contemplating on punching himself in the gut to tell you how much he was in love. 

Kissing in the rain at 2 am telling each other how you felt was like heaven. His lips were delicate and warm, tasted like coffee he drank before to stay awake, his bangs covered his eyes due to the heavy raindrops, hoodies wet but it was warm. The very first kiss you’ve had came so unexpectedly. The blooming love enveloped your life and him becoming your first boyfriend was like a dream. He even learned the guitar and wrote you a song, purposely leave his hoodies when he comes to visit your house, takes you on cafe dates, and help you study, saying I love yous every time he takes you home before he leaves, it was perfect. Everything was. 

The relationship was blessed for both parties and your first anniversary had to be on your sister’s wedding day. Felix, a close friend of yours was talking with you while sharing some cake as Seungmin was with his brother. Ceremonies ended an hour back and it was the time for the bride to toss her bouquet, a silly common tradition, but it was said to however catch it will get married next. 

“Everyone ready?” Says her, turning her back from everyone as the other bridesmaids gather. You weren’t giving a shit, Felix didn’t even mind either, all eyes focused on the cake. “3, 2, 1!” 

“Y/n, the bouquet, the bouquet!” Felix exclaimed which made you panic out of nowhere. The cake was being ignored as your sister tossed it high and far, it landed in your direction as the other girls tried to run for it. Yet, the flowers chose you as they ended up in your hands. 

“What?” You asked, feeling stunned. Seungmin smiled getting shy after his brother teased him about it. Felix was also wriggling his brows because he knew you’d ended up with him for a lifetime. Only a few know, just your families and a few friends. Seungmin loved to keep it private so he held your hand tightly that night when everyone went home. The hall was empty, and you were sitting aimlessly staring at the flowers. He decided to sit beside you, holding your hand before placing a soft kiss on your lips. 

“You look beautiful today,” He said, cheeks turning red from blushing. 

“Thanks,” You smiled. “You look good yourself,” But he just laughed to cover the embarrassment. 

“Can I take a look at the bouquet?” He asked as you handed it to him. 

“What are you going to do with it?” You asked as he took a piece of wrapping paper and rolled it out, twisting them to make a semi-braid. Eyes fixed on it, Seungmin was up to something. He laid the flowers down on the bench. 

“Since you’ve caught the flowers, I have a little negotiation with you,” He said as he stood up from the seat and stood in front of you. 

“Okay, what’s up?” You asked crossing your arms as he suddenly got down on one knee, offering his hand. “Seungmin what are you doing?” Panic surfaced all over your face making you a blushing mess. It was fun to tease you, he loves the way you turn red for him, it’s a way to show his love. 

“It’s our first anniversary, and I’m thinking if we should move in together,” He paused, taking your hand. “A year full of happiness even when he had bumpy roads on the way, it was worth it, and I want to spend more of it with you,” He smiled. “This is not a proposal yet, but I just wanted to make sure, marry me in the future, Y/n,” His eyes stared at yours, it was full of sincerity and commitment, one that you would expect from him but not this early. You love him so much, even if it was just a year, you’d risk everything for him. 

“Yes!” You exclaimed as he slid the wrapping paper ring on your finger, pulling you for a hug. “I love you so much,” 

“I love you too,” He said kissing your forehead. “We didn’t get to spend our anniversary because of the wedding but, happy anniversary baby,” He added before placing his lips on yours, arms wrapped around his neck as his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. 

It was a perfect night, even if you were just in your junior year of college, Seungmin was confident to move in with you. After a few months of planning it, both of you hailed for an apartment. Living together meant cuddles now and then, sweet kisses in the morning and passionate ones at night, having to eat together and share everything. A pair of toothbrushes at the sink, two pairs of shoes at the doorsteps, a closet filled with your clothes, four pillows on the bed divided into two, a large white duvet enough to cover you, a back hug when the one is cooking or washing the dishes, you were both happy and contented. 

Moments like taking the bus together at night as you fall asleep on his shoulder, he kisses the crown of your head and cuddles you in his arms after an exhausting day. An amusement park dates where you wear matching headbands and take polaroid pictures with cotton candies in your hands. Running under the rain while holding hands because one forgot to bring the umbrella. Having to play while doing the laundry and blow bubbles to each other for domestic fluff, you couldn’t even ask for more. And even if Seungmin and you don’t like drinking, you both ended up getting drunk in your apartment and making out until it lead your back to meet the mattress as your boyfriend hovered over you. An intimate one. 

But then, it all ended up so quickly. Like a snap of a finger that you can never bring back again, or the fate decides. 

It has been 3 years since you graduated from college, and work has been taking your time to go home to your family. Even received a phone call from your mom telling you to go home, it was your sister’s wedding anniversary too. One that you’d celebrate every year that you were called to come home but you’ve been missing during the past years. A sigh escaped from your lips as you took the window seat inside your old bedroom. You had arrived on a rainy afternoon on a Saturday. Everything changed per se. The trees had grown older, roofs had become a little bit dirty and covered by lichen, street signs had marks and scratches, and electric wires became thicker after being mixed with new ones, it is the aesthetic of your hometown. 

Your suitcase becomes unattended on the floor as you look around. Polaroid pictures of you and Seungmin were still up on the walls. Each frame depicts different heart-melting moments or just simple pictures you took for memories for the years to come and remember. Smiling at the sight, your fingers reached for them to look delicately. Slowly changing the photographs, memories started to flood your mind. A train of heartwarming thoughts and giddiness, it was all about how the way your love blooms and the early days of your relationship. 

You were all reminiscing until it was cut off when you heard a knock on your door, it was your mother. 

“Y/n?” She called as you left the pictures scattered on your bed to open the rectangular frame. 

“What’s up Mom?” You asked. 

“Your sister and Wonpil will come tomorrow morning, they said, Joeun had to go to the dentist today.” She said, “But Seungmin will come over first, he said he’s coming to help with the preparations,” 

“Oh,” You answered as your heart started to beat faster. It’s been quite a while since the last time you saw him. “That’s good, what time will he be here?” 

“I don’t know, it might be this evening,” It was too soon that you didn’t get to prepare yourself. “But please do take a rest first, I know seeing him now after a while ever since your break up must be pressuring,” She chuckled. “Is that okay with you?” 

“Of course Mom, it’s fine, we’re through anyway, no hard feelings,” You said, faking a smile as your mother looked at you with sympathy. 

“I just hope you guys are all well now,” She smiled before patting your shoulder and left. 

Closing the door behind you, the light became dim as a sign it was close to dark. Turning the lights on, you sat down on your bed to pick up the polaroids. You loved Seungmin so much that the break-up didn’t even end up well. It took you a while to stand up back on your feet again trying to move on but for your dear heart’s sake, you were so in love with him. It wasn’t easy to get over someone you truly loved even if the ending part was filled with fights and arguments, things you couldn’t understand. Seungmin tried, you tried, yet you ended up losing each other. But it never hides the fact that you were happy. 

Happiness is found when you open a box of your favorite things, but that wasn’t the case. You found what happiness truly meant because of him. A rainy day that turns into the sunshine when he smiles, a tragedy that takes turn into a happy ending, the black that turns into white, Seungmin has a lot of side effects. A simple gesture turns into a fluttering heart moment. Memories of him are nostalgic. There was never a dull moment with him, you knew he loved you so much.

It was almost dinner time, you here helping to set up the table and Seungmin is almost home. You didn’t know what to do exactly, it’s been two years since the last time you met the break up was a blur, and suddenly, after a fight, everything started to fade, but not how you felt for him. You assumed he found a new one, probably he moved on, no talks, no social media interactions, no meet-ups, it was the pure end. You only hear things from Felix and Jisung, nothing more. A sigh escaped your lips as you heard the doorbell ring. 

“I’ll get it,” Your dad chirped, making his way to the door, and opening it. “Oh, Seungmin it’s you!” 

Your heart started to beat faster, quickly turning to the door and see him. The one you didn’t see in the past two years and the one that you’ve missed so much. His smile was still the same, he didn’t have braces anymore but still, it was cute. Bangs parted on his forehead, a large black coat with a gray hoodie inside and jeans and white shoes, he was holding a bouquet and a food basket. Those flowers reminded you of how he proposed after your sister’s wedding, the paper ring he gave you didn’t last long, but you placed it somewhere where you can carry it wherever you go. But the ring on his finger didn’t show the same love, it was new to your eyes. He must’ve met someone already. 

“It’s been a few months since the last time you’ve visited,” Your father said hugging him. 

“I’m sorry Mr. (y/l/n), work keeps me busy,” Seungmin chuckled as your dad lead him to where you were with your mother. 

“Oh come on, you’re still calling me that? Why can’t you call me dad just like Wonpil, eh?” Your dad responded. 

“I’m getting shy,” He laughed along with your dad. 

He grew taller and became more handsome, his voice still echoes the same and makes you weak. But it hits more differently when he sings. You used to convince him to apply for a music competition when you were in college, despite going to different universities, you knew the trends yet he always refuse and promise to keep his singing voice only to you. Maybe his new lover is enjoying them now. A small smile was formed on your face as you locked eyes with him. Your mother welcomed him with kisses on his cheek as your father placed the flowers and food on the table. 

“Hey,” He said. 

“Hi,” It was awkward, both of you didn’t know what to say. Your parents stared at you for a few seconds, you were just standing there, with nothing to say and nothing to talk about, or so you thought. 

“Since when did you get here?” He asked, taking the flowers off the table. 

“This afternoon,” You said. 

“For you,” He smiled, offering the bouquet. You realized it was the same set where Wonpil got your sister on their wedding day, the one you received after she tossed it around. It was nostalgic that you managed to remember. 

“Thank you,” You said giving a soft smile, and took the flowers from his hands. 

Dinner was served as you ate in silence while your parents kept talking to Seungmin. It’s an awkward family dinner with your ex, but still being entertained with how many questions they were asking him. He is in his third year in law school and at the same time working with his father’s business. You knew he wanted to be a lawyer when he grow up, and he’s invested in his dream now, with only a few more steps to take. It was a good experience to have a Political Science major as a boyfriend. 

They were busy to put attention to you, it felt like Seungmin is being their child while you were left in the ditch but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Your parents just missed how things were when you were still together and whenever someone mentions your name in between the conversation, it was only a faint smile that you showcase. Seungmin couldn’t help but take glances at you until dinner time was done, he volunteered to wash the dishes as you went inside your room. Your mother was being sneaky as she stood beside him, watching his solemn expression. 

“I always see Y/n as one of the shy kids around and thought she was lonely, but then, you came,” She smiled. “She fell in love at first sight and there was never a day that she doesn’t talk about you,” 

“I didn’t know what you did to her, because she was so in love and I like you so much because she loves you just like your brother, you boys granted my wish to have sons.” She added as Seungmin started to fight the urge to shed a tear. “I was happy that you said you’d marry her one day, but relationships come and go, I know you had your reasons why you decided to end it. Two years felt like forever,” 

Seungmin’s head hung low as he started to rinse them, “I saw the hurt in her eyes when she came home after your break up, I know you loved her too right?” 

Seungmin nodded, “So much,” 

“You just need to talk it out, it seems like you didn’t get the closure you needed,” 

“Mrs. (y/l/n) Iー,” Seungmin said as he was cut off when the electricity went off. 

“Damn, it’s at it again, stupid electrical company!” Your dad exclaimed, taking his phone for a flashlight. 

“Take the flashlight to Y/n’s room, yes?” Your mother added, giving him the spare flashlight she hid in the cupboards. Seungmin was done washing the dishes as he bowed to your mother and left. 

The lights are turned off gently, the moon shines outside as you opened the curtains. It wasn’t as bright as the way you saw it from the city but it was still beautiful giving a hint of light. You found a match on one of your drawers and an old candle you used to light up when the power is off. Sitting on your window seat, you placed the candle on the window sill scratching the match on the box before letting the rope burn into a small flame. It became quiet afterward, but then, it was another knock on the door. 

“It’s open!” You said as Seungmin entered with a flashlight. 

“Hey,” He said. “Uhm, your mother asked me to hand you this,” He added, handing the small flashlight. 

“Thanks, we don’t have emergency lights here,” You smiled, taking it from his hand. 

“May I sit down with you?” He asked as you gave him a nod and moved a bit to give him the space. “Your room is still the same,” 

“Yeah, I barely come here, I didn’t bother to make changes,” You sigh, letting the flashlight roll on the seat. Seungmin nodded as a response when he saw the polaroids lying on your bed, his hands reached out for them and move closer to the light to reminisce. 

“You still have these?” He asked earning your attention, when you snatched them away from his hands. 

“I was going to hide them,” You answered with an awkward laugh and placed them on the drawers beside your bed. Seungmin was stunned, he hoped for something else. “So uhm, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while,” You smiled, shifting to another topic. 

“I’m good, I’ve been busy for a quite while, and you?” He asked. 

“Same sentiment,” You said as Seungmin nodded as a response. Another awkward silence again, he played with his fingers as you stared outside. His eyes suddenly fell on your hands looking for the paper ring he slid inside years ago but he scoffed mentally, it must’ve broken through the oldness of time. “Are you dating again?” You asked out of nowhere. 

“What makes you think I do?” He asked as you pointed his ring using your lips. “Oh,” 

“That’s great, I’m happy for you,” You smiled, but deep inside you were still hurting. 

“Thanks,” He smiled softly. “So uhm, when are you going back to the city?” 

You felt a pang on your chest, your instincts were right. It was stupid enough when he found someone else and you’re still into him. You just want to vanish into thin air and never show up yourself again. It feels like your world crashed with a meteor, the second time. The first time was your break up and now Seungmin is happy being with someone. Moving on was hard, loving him for years now made it difficult to let go. Maybe he forgot about you real quick, and you’ve been blaming yourself for why it all ended. 

“Probably on Monday morning,” You said hugging your knees closer to your chest. “I heard you’re leaving tomorrow evening?” 

“Yeah, I still have law school on Monday as well, it’s better to leave early, they’re kind of strict about tardiness.” He chuckled. 

“You’ve been working so hard ever since we were in college,” You smiled. “It must’ve been so good being closer to your dreams now, I know you’ll ace the exam after you graduate,” 

“Thanks, I hope you’re doing good with our routines,” He said. This conversation is killing you. Just an awkward exchange of words to check on each other but not about the break-up. But the thought of it might make him uncomfortable. Seungmin looked at you again as you were staring back at the scenery outside, unable to give eye contact. It might resort to crying if you see his face. “Y/n,” He called. 

“Hmm?” You hummed turning to look at him. 

“About what happened to us, I’m still sorry about it, I never get the chance to talk to you,” He said, expression softened and turned a bit gloomy. 

“It wasn’t your fault, I was stupid that it lead us to break our relationship, let’s not talk about it, I don’t want you to worry about us anymore,” You smiled trying to hide the pain. “Besides, you’re happy with someone else, I bet you’re already engaged with them. Seeing the ring reminds me how you’d want to marry them for reassurance,” 

“I’m not engaged,” He said. 

“Then, married?” You asked as he chuckled in response. 

“I was sure you’d be the one I marry,” He spoke, looking directly into your eyes as you were caught off guard. “But I’m not sure how things will turn out right now, I was hurt when we broke up, I blamed myself tooーI also had a hard time trying to forget you,” He chuckles lightly. 

“You were so good to me that you did nothing wrong, I was the one to blame so don’t beat yourself about it…” You said trying to hold back the tears. “I loved you so much that I want to stop myself from hurting you,” 

It was that time when things started to get heated up by emotions, broken promises were held captive by the lack of time. You were both busy, Seungmin had a hectic schedule in law school and his dad’s business as you work on being an immigration consultant. He comes home late at night while you were left to do paperwork. Both are pressured by your jobs, no cuddles spent mostly, and only go to sleep because of exhaustion. Sometimes being driven by house responsibilities and emotional breakdowns. Seungmin tried to be a good boyfriend to you, but he grew tired. 

Kissing your forehead after a rough day, you fall asleep in his arms as he kept his mouth shut about what happened to his day. He didn’t want to worry you as he promised to take you first before himself. You were the only one who kept him strong to hold off every pressure he’d been through. But it’s not every time he could hold in it, until one day, his bubble popped out with a loud sound. All because of a misunderstanding. 

“Y/n, fuck, can you please stop complaining for once? I’m trying to work!” He snapped. You were too exhausted that day, your boss was getting all riled up because of your job. Seungmin was having a bad day as well, but you never expected him to yell back. 

“How can I not complain about it? I want to quit that agency.” You scoffed as Seungmin sighed, crumpling his papers for giving too much time and revisions. 

“Then quit! All you do is complain anyway. Did you even ask how I am? I always put your first because I don’t want you to get stressed out and now this? I just wanted a peace of mind. I’m trying to do a fucking project!” 

“It’s always that excuse! Do you even understand how I feel?” 

“Fuck it! Now you’re blaming me for not being understanding?” 

You’ve been in a lot of arguments before, but not to the point where everyone was yelling. But ever since Seungmin talked back at you, things started to fall off. It happens at least a few times a week, every night you yell and he gets mad. Broken glasses fall on the floor, stationeries scattered on the table, him sleeping on the couch instead of your bed. Everything was chaos. It was becoming toxic. There were times you’d made up but then another series of arguments. 

“You thought you didn’t do anything wrong in this relationship? Do you always think you were always right? No!” He said. 

“Then why can’t you listen to me? I’ve been trying to keep this thing going with you but you’re messing up my patience!” 

“You too! I’m not a punching bag Y/n, you can’t get all riled up to me when you have a bad day! Stop blaming me as if it’s my fault!” 

“I am not fucking blaming you!” 

“That’s it, I’m done with this conversation. I’m breaking up with you!” 

“You left the apartment after that and move back with your parents,” You said. “I moved out a few days after you did, that place had bad memories,” 

“I’m sorry,” He said as he held your hand. 

“It’s nothing to say sorry about Seungmin, it was my fault,” You added patting his hand before slipping your hand off from the grip. “As I said, don’t beat up yourself about us because it might ruin your current relationship,” 

“I still think of you,” He said, looking at the scenery outside the window. “I always remember how I used to wait outside your school just to take you home even if I arrive late on my own,” He chuckled. “Even forced me to stay, honestly, all I think about was the good things that happened when we were still together, not the bad ones, I just know that I used to be so happy whenever I’m with you.” 

“Likewise, you know that I loved you so much right?” You asked looking at him. 

“I do,” He smiled looking at the candle. “This house of yours fill in a lot of memories before we moved in together, and even if we did have our apartment, it was fun living with you, I just missed those times,” You bit your lip, looking down at your knees. His sentiments were like yours, the nostalgic feeling of your relationship haunts you both. 

“If we didn’t break up, do you think we’re married right now?” You laughed shamelessly as he turned away trying to hide his pink cheeks, but later he realized it was so dim for you to notice it. 

“Maybe,” He said. “And already have a kid,” He laughed as you smacked his arm making him let out a small reaction to pain, rubbing his affected area. It was so good to warm up with you again, but it would feel so great to have you back in his arms. Yet too afraid to hurt you again. 

“I’m glad you’re happy right now Seungmin,” You said. “I wish I am in the same boat as you,” 

“You’re still single?” He asked turning to you. 

“Yeah, I never been able to go on dates after we broke up, too busy,” You said as Seungmin remembered what your mom told him earlier. Should I ask her or not? No, she might say no… Just shut it out Seungmin, he thought. He just nodded at your response and took a deep breath. 

“Can I tell you something?” 

“Go ahead,” 

“Y/n, I stillー,” But Seungmin was cut off when the electricity came back, distracting you from the conversation. 

“Thank goodness, I thought we were sleeping under a hot roof,” You said taking the candle from the window sill and blowing it off. “What are you going to say again?” Seungmin froze in his seat, the timing was wrong, and it would be awkward to pursue. 

“Nothing, I think I need to go now,” He smiled awkwardly as he stood up from the seat. “Keep the flashlight in case the power goes off again,” 

“Sure,” You said, couldn’t help but feel disappointed with the power being back. “Wait, you’re not staying here?” 

“No, I’m sleeping at a hotel, all my things are there but I’ll be back tomorrow morning,” He said. 

“The hotel near the convenience store?” 

“Yeah, and if you want to come by, I’m in room 0325,” He smiled. “Good night Y/n,” 

“Good night…” You answered as he left the room, closing the door behind him. 

Laying on your bed, everything came unexpectedly today. Seungmin himself was the first, reminiscing about your relationship came second and the closure. A closure that just proves you are still highly into him and it will probably make you stay awake for the night. You would see him again tomorrow, that’s for sure but contemplating telling him how you feel might ruin things. A heavy sigh escaped your lips as your eyes fell back to the window, the curtains were still open and the moon decided to hide behind the clouds. It was raining again. 

You closed your eyes as you listened to the sound. The memory of him coming to your house at 2 am saying he wanted to see you flashed back. Rain, wet hoodies, and a stolen car, a passionate kiss was shared. It felt like you just came back to this place to remember everything, from the beginning to the end. Seungmin was all you think about. You missed him so much, two years really did prove that moving on isn’t as easy as falling in love. He has a huge part of it, something that he had devoured the moment you became a couple. 

You sat up again and took the polaroids from the drawer. Each picture depicts your feelings, one with happy smiles, one where he was smiling after pulling a prank on you, another shows your hands forming a heart and the last one was a kiss you had during a date at an amusement park. A tear fell from your eyes, how can I be so stupid to hurt him like that? Why am I still so in love after two fucking years? I want to take him back… you thought. 

His car took off a while ago and the convenience store was only a block away. You tossed the polaroids on your bed and walked out of your room, running downstairs ignoring the voices of your parents. It was raining heavily, you didn’t mind. You just wanted to get into his hotel and tell him everything. A closure wasn’t enough, a simple conversation of how are yous is not going to work. You wanted him back, even if he’s in a relationship with someone else, it’s just Seungmin. The Kim Seungmin you once wasted that you never want to let go of again. 

Several knocks were heard from his door as he was drying his hair after taking a warm shower. White oversized shirt and black shorts. It was his fit to get into bed sometimes. The towel played with his wet hair after taking a beeline towards the entrance, growing impatient with all the knocking as it got louder by the second. A harsh sigh escaped his lips as he peeked through the small hole at the center of his door. He dropped the towel on the side table and opened it. 

“Y/n?” He called as you entered inside, looking at him with desperate eyes. You heard the door close behind you leaving Seungmin confused. “What are you doing here? You’re soaking wet!” He exclaimed as your hands came in contact with his cheeks before crashing your lips on his, causing him to lean on the wall. 

The boy was left dumbfounded as his heart started to beat faster than usual. Your lips felt the same as before, soft and warm, delicate and sweet, except it was desperate enough to make him feel the same. It suddenly drove him crazy, as he pulled you closer to him, not minding how soaked your clothes were and him just getting out of the shower. His hands met your waist as he deepened the kiss, one that became passionate and driven by the longing for each other’s comfort. Eyes were shot, his lips molded with yours as he sucked your bottom before taking them again. Your arms wrapped around his neck making him smile in between. He waited for something like this to happen, he missed it so much. But you pulled away so suddenly. 

“I don't care if you're in a relationship or not, I still love you–” But later you were cut off when he started kissing you again, hands on your cheeks as you held them right in the place. It wasn't as desperate as the first one, his kiss felt like it was longing for someone to come back. Closing your eyes again, tears started to form in them as you kissed him back. It was bittersweet, a gentle kiss that he always does after a fight. His thumb started to caress your cheek when his senses felt your tears. 

“Hmm,” You hummed softly, heavy breaths started to escape as it ended with a peck. He rested his forehead against yours, looking at those sad eyes before kissing the tip of your nose. 

“One more of it, I'm taking you back,” He whispered.  

“Just take me back,” You said looking at him as he gave you a soft kiss on the lips. 

“I still fucking love you, Y/n,” It made you cry burying your face in his chest, as he hugged you tightly. 

“I missed you so much, and I’m sorry for everything that happened between us, I was stupid,” You cried as he pulled away, hands on your cheeks again to wipe your tears with his fingers. 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re here, I’m here. You’re not going to lose me again okay?” He reassured, leaving a kiss on your forehead as you closed your eyes to feel the warmth of it. 

“Aren’t you married?” You asked, looking at him when he just chuckled in response. 

“No,” He said. “Two years isn’t enough to pursue a new relationship baby, I was waiting for you, hoping that you’re still single, but I understand if it’s not me anymore, after what happened, it’s rare to have the same feelings from the past,” 

“You weren’t giving me any decent answer when I asked you so,” You pouted as he gave you another peck on the lips. 

“As I said, I still love you and you’re not going to lose me the second time, okay?” He answered with a smile. 

“I love you too,” You smiled. 

“I know. Now wash up and change into my clothes, you’re staying with me tonight,” He said before taking a few clothes from his suitcase. “Don’t tell your mother you’re with me,” He winked which made you roll your eyes in a playful way. 

“My parents would probably know I’m here,” You said as he gave you his clothes and a bathrobe. “Thanks,” 

“You’re welcome, now go, so we could cuddle,” He said with puppy eyes as you gave him a peck on the lips before storming inside the bathroom. Seungmin felt his cheeks turn red and the heated kiss made his heart go crazy. He had to drink some water to calm him down but excitement riled up in his body, wanting to take you again in his arms. The sight of you in his clothes made him more flustered, it’s been a while and you still look good in it. A view that he always falls in love with and would never get tired of if you’d use every piece of clothing he owned. “I can confirm that I’m still head over heels to you,” He spoke. 

“How so?” You asked, drying your hair. 

“I’m so down with the sight of you wearing my clothes,” He smirked which made you blush. It is his favorite, a gray oversized shirt on you and his boxers, Seungmin finds you cute every time. “Come here,” 

“I love your clothes,” You cooed, walking towards him as he pulled you into a hug. “But I love you the most,” 

“You’re making my heart go crazy again, stop it,” He laughed as you punched his chest playfully. 

“You made me run here thinking that you’re married and I was so desperate to take you back not minding if you cheat, I just want to have you back,” You said as it made him smile, kissing your lips. 

“Did you hear what I told you earlier?” He asked, sitting on his bed, dragging you onto his lap. 

“About what?” 

“I was sure that you’re the one I’m going to marry? It’s always been you,” He said, taking his ring off his finger. “I bought this a few days after we broke up, the paper ring from the bouquet didn’t last long, it comes with a pair,” He added, leaning towards the nightstand to take a small box. 

“That’s pretty…” You said, feeling the guilt about what happened. 

“I was planning to give you this, but things happened,” He said, showing you the other ring. It had a small rose-gold heart-shaped diamond on a silver circle. “Even if I managed to move on and have a new one in my life, I would never give this to them,” 

“Seungmin,” You called, tears starting to form in your eyes again. 

“This belongs to you Y/n,” He smiled, taking your left hand. “This isn’t a formal proposal but we’ll get there. Are you still up on marrying me?” He added looking at you. 

“Fuck, yes!” You exclaimed, wiping your tears as Seungmin slid the ring on your finger before giving you a prolonged kiss. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that took only a day, and maybe you were sent home to come back to the person who longs for you as much as you longed for him. Seungmin was still foolishly in love as you consider yourself an idiot for hurting him like that. He deserves the same love he gives, he was perfect enough to put yourself at risk of falling in love. And as time passes by, his love never faded. It is still the same as making your heart flutter with a hint of teasing and mostly acts of service. 

“I love you, Y/n,” He whispered in between the kiss. 

“I love you too Seungmin,” You answered, taking his lips again not minding the sound of the rain outside. It was intimate and comforting, one of your love languages with Seungmin’s habit of smiling in between. Maybe it’s one of the courses of action that shows the way you love each other, finding one another back to what you were before. 

“Say, do you want to live with me again?” He asked, staring into your eyes. 

“You know I can’t say no,” You smiled as captured your lips for another quick kiss. 

“I know you so well,” He smirked as you smacked his arm lightly. 

“Ow,” He laughed, giving you a hug as you kissed his forehead before resting your chin on the top of his hair, hugging him tightly. “I’m never going to let you go again this time.” 

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐.

[tsukirecs]

Clueless: Arranged

Seungmin x fem!reader

Warnings: making out, some suggestive content MDNI

Genre: childhood/best friends to lovers, fluff

Summary: You and Seungmin were best friends since childhood - both heirs to your separate family businesses. Your parents are trying to get you married, and Seungmin for once, is absolutely losing it.

Clueless Masterlist

The problem with being in love with your best friend for over a decade is that, at some point, it becomes something like an illness. And in Seungmin’s case, it was serious. Life threatening even.

Not that he’d ever admit it. Not Kim Seungmin. He would rather perish than confess to being hopelessly (pathetically) irrevocably in love with you. 

You, his childhood best friend and the only person who found his savage insults... cute. 

Right now, Seungmin was suffering in silence as your parents casually tried to set you up with some budding businessman (budding on his family business most likely). Which, to be fair, was just another day in the life of the elite.

But Jeongin - bless his meddling little soul - clocks Seungmin’s silent meltdown from a mile away. It’s a random Thursday night, and you were over at Seungmin’s place (so was Jeongin), sprawled on his leather couch in a tight little skirt that’s riding up just enough to make Seungmin’s left eye twitch. You were ranting about your mom’s latest matchmaking plot, oblivious to the way Seungmin’s gripping his whiskey glass.

---

Jeongin: 🚨 CODE RED 🚨

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN’S GIRL IS GETTING MARRIED.

Jeongin: HE’S NOT OKAY BUT HE WON’T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE’S A PSYCHOPATH.

Jisung: LMAOOOO STOIC KING IS MALFUNCTIONING?? SEND PICS I NEED PROOF 

Chan: WHAT?

Changbin: EXCUSE ME??

Hyunjin: Rich people problems.

Hyunjin: Seungminnie, blink twice if you're in distress, babe.

Felix: Oh no, Seungmin!

Minho: Oh, this is delicious. Seungmin’s been eye-fucking her since the dawn of time and now he’s gonna let her waltz off with some crusty businessman? Pathetic.

Felix: Guys be nice, he’s probably crying into his pretentious alcohol rn

Seungmin: I'm literally right here. Shut the fuck up. 

Jeongin: BRO. You’re not fooling anyone, you look like you’re gonna hurl. 

Jeongin: SHE'S ABOUT TO BE DEALT OFF TO SOMEONE.

Changbin: WE CAN’T LOSE HER TO RANDOM BILLIONAIRE DUDE!

Jisung: SEUNGMIN CONFESS ALREADY OR I’M TELLING HER YOU JERKED OFF TO HER INSTA PICS  

Seungmin: I will end you.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, ew

Felix: OMG

Minho: Do it, Jisung. I’ll pay you.  

Changbin: I’ll hold him down. CONFESS OR PERISH  

Felix: Guys come on

Seungmin: I’m leaving this chat.  

Chan: NO YOU’RE NOT. WE’RE STAGING AN INTERVENTION. YOU’RE CONFESSING

Hyunjin: We will literally kidnap her from the altar if we have to.

Seungmin: Oh my God. Stop.

---

Seungmin's head was pounding. His heart was pounding harder. His entire existence was pounding with some kind of helpless rage, watching the love of his life get arranged-marriaged off.

---

Meanwhile, you were sipping on your iced americano, watching him.

“What’s up with you?” you asked, eyeing him. “You’ve been weirder than usual tonight.”

“Nothing,” he muttered, voice tight. “Just tired.”

“Bullshit,” you teased, shifting closer. You’re in his space now, close enough that he can smell your sweet perfume. “You’re hiding something. Spill it, Minnie.”

He clenched his jaw so hard. He’s Kim Seungmin - he’d rather skinny-dip in lava than admit he’s been fantasizing about pinning you down and kissing you senseless.

“I said it’s nothing,” he snapped, but his voice cracked just enough to betray him. His eyes flicked to your lips for a split second before he caught himself and looked away, cursing internally.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“Fine, be a grumpy asshole. I’ll just go flirt with my mystery fiancé then. Maybe he’s hotter than you.” you said with a shrug. 

Seungmin’s eye twitched again. He wanted to say something clever but instead, he just scoffed, turning to grab a glass of water he doesn’t even want.

“Do whatever you want.” he dismissed you, and you shrugged again, oblivious to the war raging inside him.

You sauntered out of the living room, hips swaying in a way that was absolutely going to haunt his dreams tonight. The second you were gone, he slammed the glass down, dragging a hand through his hair and muttering, “Fuck.”

Jeongin, who had been eavesdropping like the little gremlin he was (from the study), poked his head in. 

“Bro, you’re so screwed. Should I tell the others you chickened out?” he asked, and Seungmin grabbed a cushion and hurled it at him.

“Get out.”

---

Hyunjin: SEUNGMIN YOU EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED GREMLIN, GET UP AND GO CLAIM YOUR WOMAN BEFORE SHE'S DEALT OFF LIKE A STOCK OPTION.

Changbin: Oh Lord

Chan: Guys, focus. We need a plan.

Chan: Preferably something that won't get us  arrested, I am getting married in another month.

Hyunjin: Seduction arc.

Minho: We need to elevate the sexual tension. 

Jisung: Let's lock them in his penthouse. Followed by the fan favourite - striptease.

Hyunjin: With mood lighting.

Felix: One bed with silk sheets.

Jeongin: I'm here, I can lock them in. 

Seungmin: I told you to fuck off, Jeongin! And I’m blocking all of you.

Seungmin was already one minor inconvenience away from a full blown breakdown when you asked him to go for midnight boba the next day. It was kind of your thing - you and Seungmin, sipping bubble tea, making jokes only you two would laugh at - yeah, that was your thing. 

Now you were sitting on the hood of his car, under the soft glow of the streetlights, while the cool night breeze played with your hair. 

“I swear to God. I’m thinking of running away and joining a cult. I'm terrified of meeting this ‘perfect match’. Mom’s taste in men for me is tragic.”

Seungmin snorted, but it was a strained sound, like he was trying to laugh but also choking on his own soul. 

“Sounds like a real catch,” he deadpanned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Inside, though, his brain was frying. Who the fuck is this guy? His fingers twitched against his thigh, itching to do something. Anything, to save you. 

“Seriously, Min, why can’t I just marry you? We’d be perfect. You’re hot. I love the broody vibe. Plus, you’d never bore me to death.” you said all of a sudden, catching him completely off guard. 

Seungmin’s heart did a full-on somersault, and for a split second, his mask slipped. Eyes widened, lips parting like he’s about to say something stupid. 

But then he caught himself, muttering, “Yeah, right. You’d drive me up the wall in a week.”

“Rude,” You said, shifting slightly, your skirt hiking up just enough to show a sliver of thigh, and the way you’m were sipping your drink - lips wrapped around the straw, eyes half-closed in bliss - was straight-up torture for the poor man.

He leaned against his car next to you, clutching his own boba, trying so hard not to stare. But he was failing. Miserably so.

His eyes keep darting to you. Your lips, your hair, the way your blouse clung to your curves in the moonlight - and his heart hammered so loud he was convinced you could hear it. 

Get it together, Seungmin. She’s your best friend. Stop being a creep.

“God, this is so good,” you moaned, sucking down another tapioca pearl with an exaggerated slurp.

He tried to play it cool, nodding like he’s not internally combusting. He took a sip of his own drink, but in his distracted state (too busy watching your lips around that damn straw), he sucked in a cluster of tapioca pearls that shot down his throat. More likely down the wrong pipe, because suddenly he was choking. Full-on hacking like he’s about to cough up a lung.

“Shit! Min, you okay?!” You dropped your drink and started slapping his back, hard enough that he stumbled forward. When that didn’t work, you whacked the top of his head.

“Spit it out, you idiot!” And he did. 

He gasped in a breath, eyes watering, face red, and slumped against the car, mortified. No one said anything for a moment.

“I’m..*cough*...fine,” he wheezed, but he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. 

You hovered over him, one hand on his shoulder, the other so close to his face like you wanted to cup his cheek.

“You’re such a dork,” you laughed finally, ruffling his hair.

“Shut up,” he muttered, voice hoarse, shoving your hand away. But his ears were burning, and he was pretty sure his dignity was lying in a puddle among the boba. 

---

Seungmin: I just choked to death in front of her. Kill me.

Hyunjin: Choked on your emotions or boba?

Jisung: LMAOOOOOO YOU WHAT??

Changbin: Bro you’re supposed to SEDUCE her not ASPHYXIATE yourself

Minho: Ok, so you are running for the 'most embarrassing' contest I see.

Felix: Oh nooo Min are you okay?? I hope she didn't laugh at you. 

Seungmin: Yes she laughed. This is so embarrassing. 

Hyunjin: This is not the sexy bad boy vibe you need here. Step it up, loser. 

Jeongin: Still no confession. 

Chan: Seungmin, did you choke on purpose to avoid confessing?

Seungmin: I hate all of you.

It was Friday morning, and Seungmin was still recovering from the boba incident - both physically and emotionally (his ego was in tatters). He was sprawled on his couch, scrolling through his phone, when it rang.

His mom. Seungmin froze, staring at the screen like it was a live grenade. If there was anyone Seungmin was scared of, it was his mom.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, voice flat, bracing himself.

“Seungmin-ah,” his mother’s calm voice flowed through the speaker, terrifying him further. “Come home this weekend. There’s something important we need to discuss.”

Seungmin’s soul left his body.

“What… kind of important?” he asked, his voice suspiciously higher than usual.

“You’ll find out when you get here,” she replied cryptically.

“Is it… bad?”

“Not at all.”

“Then why do you sound like I’m about to be disowned?”

“Seungmin, just come home. And bring a nice shirt.”

“…Can I get a hint?”

“No.”

The line went dead. No explanation, no elaboration. Seungmin stared at his phone, heart rate spiking. He was lowkey terrified, imagining everything from a surprise wedding to his parents selling him off to some shady business deal.

He tossed his phone onto the couch and dragged a hand down his face, muttering, “What the fuck is she planning?”

---

Seungmin: My mom just called. Wants me home this weekend for “something important.” Won’t say what. I’m stressed.

Jisung: OH SHIT. YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!

Changbin: BRO THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. CONFESS TO Y/N BEFORE YOU GET DRAGGED OFF TO THE ALTAR 

Minho: Wow plot twist

Felix: Min don’t panic!! But you have to talk to Y/N. Make a move before it's too late!

Seungmin: She said “bring a nice shirt.” That’s not a family thing. That’s a trap. 

Hyunjin: “Nice shirt” = you’re meeting your future in-laws. Or future wife. Or both. 

Jeongin: LMAO

Chan: Seungmin, you HAVE to talk to Y/N before this weekend. What if you're engaged by Monday??  

Seungmin: I’m not confessing shit.  

Jisung: COWARD ALERT. 

Minho: I volunteer to tie him up and drag him to her place. Who’s in?  

Changbin: ME. I’ll bench press him into submission  

Felix: Guys stop he’s having a crisis! 

Seungmin: I’m fine.  

Jeongin: “I’m fine” says the man who’s about to puke from anxiety  

Hyunjin: Imagine Seungmin in a tux, choking on his vows like he choked on boba  

Jisung: 🤣🤣

Seungmin: I hate you all.  

Chan: CONFESS OR WE’RE CALLING YOUR MOM AND TELLING HER YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH Y/N  

Minho: Do it. Do it. DO IT. 

---

Seungmin muted the chat again, his pulse racing with pure, unfiltered anxiety. Was he about to be forcefully married off to some chaebol heiress? 

Seungmin pulled into the driveway of his parents’ sprawling estate on Saturday morning, dressed impeccably, ready for battle. Or at least whatever cryptic nonsense his mom was about to throw at him. The second he stepped through the door, though, he knew he was screwed.

His mom was waiting in the foyer, arms crossed, that smug look plastered across her face (the one she got when she had already won and he didn’t even know the game).

It was terrifying, as her eyes flicked over his outfit, and she nodded approvingly.

“Good to see you, son,” she said, lips twitching. “Nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” he replied, voice flat. “So what’s this ‘important’ thing? Can you just tell me now?”

She tilted her head, smirking wider. “You’ll see. Be patient.”

“Mom,” he pressed, leaning against the wall with forced nonchalance, “just give me a hint. I’m not in the mood for surprises.”

“Oh, you’ll love this one, darling,” she said, her tone dripping with glee.

Then she turned on her heel and walked off, leaving him standing there, palms clammy and heart racing. He dragged a hand through his hair, and sighed. 

The day dragged on with more of the same. His dad was no help either, just chuckling into his coffee. Seungmin’s stoic mask was slipping; he was pacing the living room, imagining every worst-case scenario.

Then, his mom dropped the bomb out of nowhere. She caught him in the kitchen as he was grabbing a glass of water and said, “You’ve got a lunch meeting in an hour. It’s someone important, and I want you to make a good impression. The car's waiting.”

His blood ran cold. “A meeting? With who?”

“You’ll see,” she replied, patting his cheek like he’s five years old. “Now, get going. And smile, Seungmin. You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

---

Seungmin: I AM IN HELL.

Hyunjin: SHE DID THE ‘SMUG MOM’ FACE, DIDN’T SHE?

Seungmin: She’s setting me up. Lunch with “someone important.”

Jisung: HOLY SHIT IT’S HAPPENING!! ARRANGED MARRIAGE ARC UNLOCKED  

Changbin: BRO

Hyunjin: I bet it's Y/N, and his mom's been  planning this since they were fetuses  

Felix: Omg omg omgggg!! I really hope that's it!

Seungmin: I’m gonna throw up. 

Changbin: This is worse than Squid Games.

Hyunjin: LMAO 

Jeongin: Told you this weekend was gonna be wild. You should’ve confessed yesterday, dumbass  

Chan: Seungmin if it IS Y/N you HAVE to say something tonight. This is your shot  

Seungmin: I can’t confess if I’m dead from anxiety first  

Jisung: I can't wait for your wedding bro, it's gonna be an anxiety fest

Minho: I’ll officiate. “Do you take this choking hazard to be your husband?” 

Changbin: CONFESS OR WE’RE CRASHING THE DINNER WITH A BULLHORN 

Felix: It'll be ok, Min! Just be yourself ok? 

Felix: Ok, maybe not. But you know what I mean

Seungmin: Oh my God. 

---

He tossed his phone onto the bed, pacing again. His hands were trembling, his throat was dry, and he kept adjusting his shirt like it was strangling him. He was terrified because he knew this wasn't random. 

His mom was too calculated, too pleased with herself. But what if he was wrong? What if it wasn't  not you? He’d rather die than sit through that.

---

Meanwhile, on your side of the world:

You stood in front of the mirror, curling your hair with unnecessary aggression. Your parents had refused to tell you who this “perfect match” was.

“Someone you already know,” your mom had said. “Someone who will fit perfectly with our family.”

“What is this, Bridgerton?” you’d groaned.

But here you were, putting on a sexy black dress, and mentally preparing to reject another soulless rich heir. 

---

You: I’M GOING TO THROW UP.

Jennie: Who even is this guy??

Maddie: I'll be there. If he pulls some weird shit, I’m  dragging you out.

You: What if he’s mean? Or boring. Or

Jennie: The question is, what if he’s hot?

You: What 

Maddie: Babes, the actual real question is, what if he’s Seungmin?

You: Shut up.

---

Jeongin: RADIO SILENCE FROM Y/N’S SIDE.

Jeongin: I tried texting her and calling her, but nothing

Seungmin: I AM LITERALLY HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, listen to me. If it's her, I want you to go and kiss the fuck out of her. Like don't think. 

Jisung: SEUNGMIN, listen to Hyunjin for once. 

Felix: No but imagine walking into the restaurant and seeing her waiting for you? 

Changbin: I would actually scream.

Minho: This has some scope. 

Chan: Seungmin, just confess.

Seungmin: I wanna die

---

Ten minutes later:

Seungmin: I’m in the car.

Jeongin: WE’RE FOLLOWING YOU IN A SEPARATE UBER.

Seungmin: STOP.

Hyunjin: WE’RE HIDING IN THE BUSHES OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT.

Jisung: I’M GOING TO LIVESTREAM THIS.

Meanwhile, you were already at the restaurant, sipping on a glass of wine, nervously tapping your heel against the floor.

“Your guest is arriving, Miss,” the waiter said politely, and you turned toward the entrance. 

You nearly dropped your glass when Kim Seungmin, your best friend, your emotional support human, your secret crush for YEARS, walked through the door in a white suit, holding a bouquet of white tulips, looking equally shocked. 

Your heart stopped.

---

From the bushes:

Jeongin: OH MY GOD.

Jeongin: IT’S HER.

Minho: IS HE GOING TO PASS OUT?

Hyunjin: GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER SEUNGMIN! I THINK WE NEED AN AMBULANCE

Jisung: OMG IT'S LITERALLY HER. 

Felix: KISS HER ON THE MOUTH. 

Changbin: I'm calling the ambulance just in case, because I don't think he's breathing. 

---

Seungmin froze in place. You stared at him, eyes widening, and he stared back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

Your lips parted. “Seungmin...?”

His voice cracked. “Y/N.”

---

Seungmin was genuinely questioning reality at this point. Was this... real? Were you actually here, in front of him, looking unfairly beautiful in that very dress that always drove him insane - staring at him with those eyes that had been haunting his dreams since you both were sixteen?

(He was absolutely clueless about the fact that Jeongin, Hyunjin and Jisung were huddled behind a decorative plant, shoving each other to get a better view through the window. He didn't think for a minute that they were actually serious.)

---

Jeongin: OH MY GOD THEY’RE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER.

Hyunjin: SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING.

Jisung: I'M LITERALLY ABOUT TO THROW A BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW.

Chan: Jisung, we don't wanna get arrested, mate. 

Felix: NO ONE MOVE. 

Minho: This is so stressful. 

---

He barely had time to brace himself before you slammed into him, arms wrapping around his neck, hugging him so tight you were half-convinced you'd fuse into one person. 

Seungmin, for once in his life, didn’t hesitate. He dropped the bouquet as his arms snaked around you, pulling you flush against him. The restaurant faded away and it’s just you two, chest-to-chest, hearts hammering in sync.

---

Jeongin: SHE’S HUGGING HIM. SHE LITERALLY FLEW INTO HIS ARMS.

Changbin: Oh God

Jisung: I'M ACTUALLY CRYING. OUR PUPPY. 

Hyunjin: HE’S HUGGING HER BACK. FULL BODY CONTACT. CHEST TO CHEST.

Felix: I'm so happy 😭

Minho: Huh

---

Seungmin buried his face in your hair, and said, “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

You pulled back just enough to look at him, eyes wide, lips twitching into a grin.

“So you finally admit it?”

He huffed a laugh, but it’s shaky, raw, like he’s spilling his soul and doesn’t know how to stop.

“I’ve wanted to for the past ten years. Couldn’t figure out how to say it.” His grip tightened on your waist, eyes dark. “Better late than never, right?”

You didn’t even dignify that with a response. You just grabbed his face, thumbs brushing those stupidly sharp cheekbones before kissed him like the world’s ending.

---

Hyunjin: OH MY GOD.

Hyunjin: THEY’RE KISSING.

Jisung: OH FUCK. NOISES.

Felix: OH MY MINNIE 😭😭😭😭

Changbin: Congratulations bro

Minho: I'm actually so proud of him. 

Chan: Stop watching them like creeps and get back here. 

Chan: JISUNG DON'T TAKE A PICTURE YOU ASS! 

---

It’s messy and chaotic - all teeth and tongue and pent-up tension exploding in one glorious, unhinged moment. His hands slid down to your hips, pulling you impossibly closer, and he groaned into your mouth. You were practically climbing him at this point, and he’s matching your energy, kissing you back like he’s starving.

The kiss broke with a gasp, both of you panting, foreheads pressed together. You smirked, breathless.

“I never wanna stop. I wanna do this forever!” You mumbled against his lips. 

Seungmin made a sound that sounded so much like a growl. And dived back in, nipping at your bottom lip just to hear you squeak. It’s sloppy, ridiculous, and so stupidly hot. And you both hold on to each other like nothing else mattered in the world. 

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN FINALLY WON

Hyunjin: I always knew he would win

Felix: THE SHIP HAS SAILED.

Changbin: So that's all of us. 

Minho: But also, are they just gonna keep making out in front of everyone?

Jisung: Bro, let him cook.

Chan: We should probably leave coz the security is looking at you guys now. 

Jisung: Oh fuck

Jeongin: Channie hyung

Chan: Ok bye

Hyunjin: COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD! 

An hour later:

Seungmin: You stupid fucks got arrested?! 

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonmoth @pixie-felix @sailor--sun @chancloud8 @captainchrisstan @hansmic @emilyywhyy @inlovewithstraykids @my-neurodivergent-world @nightmarenyxx @channie4lifeee143127 @lezleeferguson-120 @hanadulsetaad @hyunnjynn

[tsukirecs]

Promised you forever

pairing: hyunjin x afab!reader

genre: fluff, smut, pinch of angst

wc: 24.7k

warnings: multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, creampies, oral (m and f), fingering, breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy

synopsis: after 6 years of being away from the village you grew up in, you're finally visiting your grandparents. you're excited to spend time with them, but your heart beats faster at the thought of seeing your first love.

a/n: this fic is for my twin from another continent @jehhskz 🩷 thank you for always supporting my works, being on this journey with me and yapping about our sweet hyune and whatever else!! i hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it, happy birthday🥹🩷🫶🏻

~ divider by: @sweetmelodygraphics

their song🩷

A long exhale left your parted lips, right as you pressed your forehead against the cold window of the car, shutting your eyes tightly.

'Get it together, y/n!', you thought to yourself.

But how could you get it together when you were currently driving towards the place you left almost 6 years ago, the place you haven't even stepped foot in while you finished college and tried to build the career you always wanted in the city?

How could you get it together when you couldn't stop replaying the song that once brought you happy memories that were now just a part of your past, filling you up with melancholy?

How could you get it together when you know he still lives there and it's inevitable that you will run into him? Your heart skipped a beat the moment you thought of that.

How would he react? Would he ignore you as if he never knew you? Would he run into your arms, like you knew you'd feel the urge to do as soon as your eyes land on his? Would he just greet you politely, like you haven't already exchanged your breaths, your innocence, whispers of love, tangled your tongues and your hearts?

Did he move on?

You wouldn't blame him if he did, after all, you were the one who left him when you had promised to always stay by his side.

You called your grandparents earlier to let them know you'll be visiting, finally after so many years, you had to be there to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary, you wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. They practically raised you while your parents worked out of the village and you always admired the tender love they had for each other, spending so many years together and going through so much that just made their bond stronger.

You were tempted to ask your grandmother about Hyunjin, what he was doing now or if he had a significant other. But, you had bitten your tongue, too scared to find out the answer to your question.

You only hoped he didn't hate you.

Hyunjin. The boy that smiled shyly at you when you were just five years old, when his mother had brought him to your house for a play date while the parents have some 'grown up time'. You returned the shy smile, playing with the fabric of your nice dress, the one your mom made you wear, saying something about a 'good impression'. The awkwardness between you disappeared pretty quickly, as soon as you showed him your favorite toys, the two of you started playing together in your yard, between all the dirt and the flowers. Your mother had scolded you later for ruining your dress but your grandmother calmed her down, telling her how the dress paled in comparison to having a good time with a new friend.

Hyunjin and you had at least two play dates a week which turned into three, then four, soon you became inseparable; especially when you started going to school together. Both of you were pretty frightened about that change, standing in front of the school gate so Hyunjin reached out to hold your hand, squeezing it reassuringly as your little cheeks became rosy.

He was your best friend, your first and last crush.

Years of being by his side, watching him grow and growing with him, you couldn't imagine your life without him. Hyunjin knew almost everything about you as you did with him and when both of you started high school, something changed.

He was growing up, he was different than before and you started looking at him differently. Before, you were used to the feeling you got when he touched your hand but now it seemed more electrifying. Hyunjin felt the same, suddenly becoming a stuttering mess next to you, staring at you with shiny eyes and a dumb smile on his face while you'd come home from school every day with butterflies in your stomach and a new diary entry to write.

You noticed how pretty his smile was, how gentle his voice sounded when he spoke your name, how his eyes were trained on your lips one too many times. Hyunjin noticed how your silky hair fell over your shoulders, the way you'd flip it back when he called out to you, how you'd smile at him with rosy cheeks.

Then one night while you were sleeping, Hyunjin couldn't hold back anymore. He sneaked out of his room, stalking down the road quietly to your house, you were only a few minutes away from his place. He stood beneath your window, his palms clammy, heart pounding against his chest, his throat completely dry. There was no going back now. You were awakened by the sounds of little stones hitting your window and confusedly you sat up, squinting towards the direction where the sound was coming from.

"What the-" you started as you stood up. You quietly walked over to your window and peeked down.

"Hyunjin?" you wondered to yourself before opening the window abruptly just as he lifted his hand up and threw another little rock, almost hitting you straight in the face but you dodged with a gasp as it landed behind you.

"Bunny! I'm so sorry!" he panicked immediately, flailing his long arms, the nickname he always used for you making your stomach flutter.

"What are you doing here? It's 2am." you asked confusedly.

"Let me come up please. I need to talk to you." Hyunjin looked nervous, shifting from one foot to the other, chewing on his lip and playing with his fingers.

"Can't this wait until the morning?" your brain was still half asleep and the chilly air from the outside made you shiver in the little nightgown you had on.

"I mean... I guess it can. It's just I don't know if I will have courage tomorrow." he mumbled, looking down and kicking around the little rocks with his foot.

"Fine. Come on up." you said and Hyunjin climbed quickly even though you scolded him, reminding him to be careful and quiet.

"Sorry." he sheepishly smiled at you when you grabbed his wrists and pulled him inside, but his foot got stuck which ended in you falling backwards on your butt and him sprawled on the floor on his hands and knees, hovering over you.

"Hyunjin!" you grunted in pain. "If my grandparents find you here-"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" he whispered and the two of you just sat there quietly, trying to hear if there was any indication that someone was coming to your door.

But it was dead quiet, except for the crickets outside of your house and the loud thumping of your heart so both of you let out a breath of relief.

"What did you need to tell me?" you asked after the two of you sat down, you on your bed and Hyunjin on the chair. He stood up abruptly, a shaky breath leaving his lips. Hyunjin rubbed his hands together as he looked away from you. You were suddenly worried, knowing he rarely gets this serious.

"I've been hiding this from you for a while but I can't hold it back anymore, even if you don't feel the same about me I need you to know how I feel because otherwise my chest will burst." he babbled, looking at you nervously.

"Jinnie, what are you talking about?" you asked with brows furrowed, your heartbeat picking up speed.

"I like you. More than friends. As in I'd like to kiss you and hold your hand and have it mean something more than just 'best friends'. I want to be your boyfriend." he blurted out, heart wilding in his chest as he scanned your face, looking for a reaction.

Your lips parted as you stared at him quietly for a moment, trying to process what he was saying. Your dear, sweet Jinnie who you were in love with for years was confessing to you? Looking so nervous and adorable, telling you he wants to kiss you and be yours?

You wished you could scream. So, you did just that. You grabbed your pillow and muffled your excited scream with it as Hyunjin stared at you with wide eyes.

"Um. Are you okay?" he chuckled awkwardly.

"Not really." you shook your head. "Sorry, it's just... I like you too, Jinnie. And I'd love to kiss you and be yours."

"Oh." he stood awkwardly in place like he wasn't expecting a positive answer.

"Are you gonna kiss me now?" you asked sheepishly after a moment of silence.

"Can I?" he looked excited and nervous as he came closer to you and you stood up slowly, nodding at him.

"I- You know I've never kissed anyone before." he said quietly.

"Me neither. It's okay." you gently took his hand in yours and Hyunjin felt the familiar comfort you always gave to him, reaching into his soul even now.

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment, letting the dust settle and the reality sink in, smiles creeping up on your faces as you slowly leaned in. Lips against lips pressed together and your eyes fluttered shut, your entire body buzzing.

Hyunjin squeezed your hand, his other hand tentatively touching the side of your waist as you placed your hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat underneath your fingers.

Everything fell into place then, you were his and he was yours-

"Miss? Miss, we're here." you snapped out of your reminiscing session as the driver pulled up to your grandparents house. You almost forgot how tiny the village is, how cozy and familiar all of it is. The dirt roads you walked on, mostly with Hyunjin by your side, the little forest that led to a clearing you used for picnic dates and stargazing, your grandmother's colorful garden, the porch she always sat on, admiring the flowers she helped grow. Even the air smelled familiar and it was almost as if you had never left.

"Let me help with your bags." the man said as you walked out of the car, taking a deep breath of fresh air into your lungs.

"Thank you." you said as he pulled out your suitcase. "Careful with those, please!" you added as the driver struggled, finally managing to put both of your suitcases down.

You missed the annoyed look he gave you while you put on your lipgloss, making sure your lips were nice and plump as you checked yourself out in the little pocket mirror.

"Oh, right." you remembered. "Here." you opened your wallet and grabbed some bills, paying the driver and leaving him a nice tip.

Before you could close your wallet, something caught your eye. A little picture of you and Hyunjin, where he was holding you from behind, both of your faces rosy with big smiles as you were chuckling together. You sighed and closed your wallet quickly, shoving it into your bag.

"Thanks for the tip, miss. Have a nice day." the man rounded his car.

"You too." you waved and he turned on his car while you stepped back as the screeching tires lifted up the dirt.

"Ugh." you made a disgusted face, turning around to pull your suitcases with you. After a struggle with the luggage, you managed to finally make the little wheels roll as you walked into the driveway of your childhood home.

"Shit!" your heart leaped out of your chest when your foot got stuck and you pulled, gasping once again when you realized your heel broke.

"Great. Just what I need." you rolled your eyes. Not a good beginning to this visit, you thought.

"Oh, she's here!" you heard the warm, familiar voice belonging to your grandma.

"Nana!" you called out to your grandma as she made her way to you, surprisingly agile for her age. "Oh!" you gasped when she gave you a bone crushing hug.

"Oh, how I missed you my child!" she was already pinching your cheeks as you groaned, noticing your grandfather had just walked out on the porch.

"There's my favorite grandchild." he said with a wink and you shook your, chuckling.

"Of course I'm your favorite when I'm the only one." you laughed quietly and grandma shushed you.

"Don't ruin his jokes, it makes him happy." she nudged you with a wink and you nodded.

"Come here." your grandpa kissed your cheeks, taking a moment to look at you.

"You look all serious and business-y." he said and you chuckled, looking down at your attire.

You were still wearing the suit you'd usually wear to work and the heels that were now broken.

"My heel broke." you remembered and you grandma started laughing.

"Honey, you can forget about heels here. I hope you brought some comfortable shoes that are dirt friendly." she joked as your grandpa helped with your luggage.

As soon as you walked into the house, you were hit with an even bigger wave of nostalgia than the one slowly building in your soul while you drove towards the village. They haven't changed almost anything, all the decoration was the same, everything smelled the same and familiar, like the home you grew up in never changed.

Like you never changed.

"Are you hungry, my child?"

"Oh yes." you nodded at your grandma eagerly, happy to be eating her home-cooked food.

"Good, wash your hands and join us for dinner."

She gave you some house slippers as you threw your poor broken heels aside and after washing your hands, you joined them at the table.

"So, how is the big city treating you?" your grandpa asked and you caught them up on your work, friends, your apartment, anything about the city you thought was worth mentioning.

"How are things here?" you asked after they listened to you, interested in your new experiences.

"Oh, you know. There is always something to do here. We have the house, the garden, the chickens, the goats. We are not as young and strong as we were once before but we are used to working. Plus, someone always comes to help out." nana explained.

"Like who?" you asked absentmindedly, chewing on the salad.

"Well, do you remember Chan? He was always a nice boy, that one. He got married recently but he still comes to help out with some repairs the house needs."

"Chan got married? Wow." you chuckled, it made sense. He had the same girlfriend for years and he was older than you so you weren't that surprised.

"And of course, Hyunjin." you grandma gave you a knowing smile as your entire body froze and you almost choked on your salad.

"Hyunjin got married?!" you spat out and your grandma gasped and then started laughing.

"No, dear, no." she chuckled at your reaction. "I meant Hyunjin comes here to help a lot. He repainted the entire kitchen and living room. Helps out with the animals and the garden when he isn't working on his farm. Or working around with other people, helping them build their houses and things like that."

"Oh..." you swallowed. "So, you see him a lot?"

"Yeah, almost every day!" grandpa chuckled. "He even joined us for breakfast this morning."

You suddenly felt a knot forming in your stomach. Hyunjin spent more time in your home, with your family than you did.

"Does he... does he have someone? You know. A partner." your voice broke a little as you blinked your tears away. You hated how you always cried easily, especially when it's about Hyunjin.

"No, he only works." your grandma frowned. "That boy never stops from early in the morning until late night hours. He just works and works his days away."

Somehow, that made you feel a little more at ease even though your heart still hurt.

"He asks about you, you know." grandma added.

You almost choked on your food again.

"He does?" you swallowed quickly, deciding that your appetite is now gone.

"Yeah. He asks if you're healthy, if you're doing good."

"Oh."

The weight of your grandma's words settled in your heart, heavy like a rock even as you tried to distract yourself with washing dishes and helping her clean up.

"Your room is the same as it was always. We never touched or removed anything." your grandma smiled at you, her hand gentle on your cheek.

"You should go see Hyunjin." she added.

"I- Maybe later." your throat dried up and you needed a moment to yourself, a moment to gather your thoughts. You walked up the stairs to your room as soon as you finished cleaning up, pulling your suitcases up with you. When the door creaked open, you were greeted by your past.

Your grandparents really left everything intact.

You stopped in your tracks after closing the door, too scared to move so you wouldn't disrupt the memories you were witnessing in your mind. Countless times Hyunjin and you spent here, ever since you were kids all the way up to the end of high school and the summer before you left for good. He was everywhere in that room. He sat on your windowsill, he paced around the floor, he swayed backwards on your chair (falling on his butt one too many times), he laid on your bed, kissing you and telling you how much he loves you.

There were polaroid pictures of you on the left side of your table, the drawings he gave you as a gift, your favorite teddy bear he got you for your one year anniversary still propped up against your pillows... You opened your drawer and found your diaries, his name scribbled on the pages, on your heart. You picked up one of the polaroids as your other hand automatically went to your chest. The couple necklaces you shared, one half of a heart was still around your neck, hidden under your shirt and close to your heart, the other one was still with him or maybe it wasn't. Maybe he threw it away after you left and never came back, not even returning his calls or texts.

"Hyunjin..." you whispered as you smiled at the picture, him with his hair over his eyes trying to make a scary face and you in the back, your hands on his shoulders as you stood on your tippy toes and put your tongue out, making a silly face.

Suddenly, you were overcome by emotions and tears spilled from your eyes. You loved him your entire life. And even if you tried to escape that feeling, you never really could. Hyunjin grew roots inside your heart and he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. You let yourself cry for a moment, hugging the teddy bear as you sat on your bed.

Should you go see him?

He has every right to be mad at you and you were scared of him turning a cold shoulder. But then again, your grandma said he asks for you. Maybe he is just curious?

Either way, you weren't ready to face him yet.

You decided to unpack and shower, change into something more comfortable and hopefully catch up on sleep.

But as soon as you got into your bed, sleep wouldn't come to you, no matter how quiet and peaceful the village was in comparison to the city and how comfortable your old bed was. Your mind drifted off to that night when Hyunjin snuck in, right before your prom.

Six years ago

"Hey, little bunny." Hyunjin had climbed through the window that you left open for him, knocking down one of your books from the shelf next to it in the process.

"Hyun!" you scolded him with a chuckle.

"I know, I know. I'm trying to be quiet." he whispered, lifting his arms up in defeat.

"Come here, clumsy." you giggled and he practically skipped to you, his long arms wrapping around your smaller frame and pulling you into him.

"I'm so excited for tomorrow." your voice was muffled by his chest and he chuckled.

"Me too. I hope I don't step on your toes." he grimaced and you looked up at him, your fingers tangled in his long dark hair.

"You won't. You're a great dancer and we practiced a lot." you smiled, caressing the back of his neck and Hyunjin melted, his arms tightening around you.

"Yes, but when I'm nervous I can't control my body." he whined with a pout. "There will be other people there, looking at us and-"

"You'll do fine, trust me." you interrupted his nervous babbling. "Just imagine it's the two of us, like right now." you swayed slowly and he followed you, exhaling and pressing his forehead against yours.

"I love you, little bunny." he whispered.

"I love you too, Jinnie." you whispered back and his lips were on yours instantly. Hands explored awkwardly as you were backed into your bed, falling down with Hyunjin on top of you. You had messed around like this before, his hands under your nightgown, fingers dipping into your underwear, your hand wrapped around his length.

"H-Hyunjin?" you whimpered as he slowly pumped his fingers inside you, kissing your neck.

"Yes, doll?" he whispered back, the nickname giving you shivers.

"I'm ready. For... you know. I wanna go all the way with you." you bit on your lip as his eyes widened.

"Are you- are you sure? I can wait for you for however long you need. You don't have to feel pressured." he shook his head, pulling his fingers out.

"No, no. I am sure. I love you and I want to be yours completely." you gripped at his shoulders and Hyunjin's heart leaped out of his chest as he smiled sweetly at you.

"I want to be yours completely too. Be your first and your last. And you mine."

"Jinnie." you almost started crying from the overwhelming feelings, your lips quickly finding his. Hyunjin was a little awkward, unsure of himself and scared that he'll hurt you or do something wrong but he was still gentle, trying to put you first even though he was more excited than ever to have you like this and be connected with you.

"I have condoms in the drawer." you pointed at the nightstand and he narrowed his eyes at you.

"You were planning this?" his face became as red as a tomato.

"I mean, yeah." you nodded, the color of your cheeks matching his. "I've wanted this with you for some time but I was nervous to tell you." you admitted.

"You're so cute, bunny." Hyunjin giggled, caressing your cheek gently with his knuckles.

"Ugh." you groaned in embarrassment while he kept chuckling, reaching for the drawer.

The moment he started pushing in, the world around you disappeared and you were concentrated only on him.

"Does it hurt?" Hyunjin asked as he kept filling you up gently.

"A little." you gasped, it was definitely a bigger stretch than his fingers.

"I'm sorry." he looked guilty immediately. "Do you want me to stop?"

"N-no. Keep going." you whispered, holding onto his upper back.

Hyunjin's eyes fluttered shut when he bottomed out inside you, his entire body was buzzing, his heart was beating fast and he was trying to gather all the mental and physical strength not to finish too quickly.

"Y/n." he gasped when he finally opened his eyes and looked at you, a sweet lovestruck expression on your face, your eyes sparkling, all for him, all his.

"Hyunjin." you moaned at the way he felt inside you and the way he looked at you, like you hung all the stars in the sky just for him.

"I adore you, bunny." Hyunjin said gently and your heart bursted right then and there.

"I adore you too." you whispered back.

He slowly started moving inside you, whispering words of love and praise the entire time as you clutched onto him and returned his praises.

You've never felt like that before, completely and utterly loved by him, connected with him.

Which made it harder for you to give him the news you were supposed to tomorrow after prom.

Present time

You were rudely awakened at 5am when the rooster in your nana's backyard started crowing loudly.

"Ugh!" you forgot about all the charms of living in a village as you grabbed the pillow and put it over your face, a muffled 'shut up' pressed into it. You waited for a few moments, throwing the pillow aside and turning to your left, coming face to face with the teddy bear Hyunjin gave you, which of course you named 'Jinnie' back then, making your boyfriend laugh adoringly at you.

"Good morning, Jinnie." you said to the teddy, pulling the plushie closer to you as you hugged it and sighed. "Guess I should get up." you added with a shrug before stretching and then getting up.

You opened up your wardrobe, choosing to wear a red dress with a dainty floral print on it and got ready in your room, listening to music just like you did every day before school or a date with your boyfriend years ago. You opened up another drawer in your table and gasped when you saw the corsage that Hyunjin gave to you when he came to pick you up before prom.

You clutched it in your hand and thought back to that night, when Hyunjin came to pick you up.

Six years ago

To say Hyunjin was nervous was an understatement. He felt as if every atom of his being was about to burst into little pieces when he rang your doorbell. He was a wreck as he kept wiping his sweaty palms against his jacket, annoyed at the fact that no matter how many deep breaths he took, his heart was still hammering against his chest, ready to burst. Why was he so nervous? It was just you, his little bunny.

Oh, but he wasn't ready and he was right to be so nervous because as soon as your grandma opened the door with a smile, ushering him in, his eyes landed on you and they widened. Hyunjin felt as if the world stopped spinning, all the clocks stopped ticking, his heart quit beating and his breath got stuck in his throat. You became the only center of gravity, pulling him in towards you and nothing else around the two of you mattered.

He was completely and utterly floored and whipped for you.

Hyunjin finally understood the meaning of the word 'breathtaking' because that was the only thing that came to mind as you smiled at him so beautifully, so in love, so happy, wearing the most gorgeous dress he'd ever seen you in.

"Y/n." was the only thing he managed to say and you chuckled, your heart swelling at his reaction.

It was your turn to gawk as he came closer to you, you'd never seen him wearing a suit before and he looked even more handsome than he ever did. Your knees buckled when he stood close to you, the smell of his cologne was intoxicating but his lovestruck smile was even more mesmerizing.

Your grandparents smiled lovingly at the two of you before glancing at each other knowingly as Hyunjin gave you your corsage, gently putting it on your wrist. So many pictures were taken before you had to rush out so you wouldn't be late to the dance.

The night was magical and everything seemed possible under the fairy lights as Hyunjin and you swayed to the gentle melody of the familiar song coming from the speakers.

"Do you want to slip out after our song?" Hyunjin's plump lips brushed against your ear as he pulled you tighter into his heated body.

"Won't the chaperones notice?" you asked as you looked up at him only to find him smirking.

"We'll be stealthy." he said and you giggled.

"Right, stealthy."

"Yes, see I didn't even step on your foot!"

"Not yet." you teased him and Hyunjin pouted, whining and burying his face in your shoulder.

"Mean bunny." he tickled your sides, making you squirm and squeal.

"Fine, sorry." you giggled, knowing he wasn't actually offended. "You did a great job." you added and Hyunjin looked up at you with a sweet smile, his cheeks rosy.

"Thank you, doll. You did too." he smirked, brushing his lips against yours.

You managed to sneak out somehow while everyone was dancing to a quicker beat and you knew exactly where you were going; to your favorite spot with Hyunjin, the path to it so familiar that you could walk through it blind, the soil remembering all your footsteps.

"Hyune, um... I'm wearing heels." you whispered as he shined the path ahead with a little pocket flashlight.

"Oh, right." he thought for a moment before kneeling down. "Get on my back, doll."

"Are you sure?" you asked and he chuckled.

"Of course." he nodded eagerly and you climbed up on his back, feeling light and happy, giggles spilling from both of your lips. "Hold this." Hyunjin gave you the light and you shined it ahead as he gripped the back of your thighs and carried you.

Being a little tease, Hyunjin pretended he was going to drop you a few times only to have you almost scream as your arms wrapped tighter around him.

"Stop that!" you whined.

"Sorry, sorry bunny. I'll stop. You're just so cute." he smirked.

"If you weren't carrying me right now, you'd be in big trouble." you scolded and Hyunjin let out a laugh, your favorite tree coming into view.

"Yes, I know. Biiiig trouble." he kept chuckling and you were this close to biting his shoulder.

"Here we are, bunny." he gently put you down and wrapped his arm around you as the two of you stared at the carving in the trunk.

Hyunjin + Y/n.

Both of you laughed then, you had carved your names in when you were barely 16 and seeing it now was equally as embarrassing as it was sweet.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?" you looked up at Hyunjin and he smiled sweetly at you.

"I promise I'll love you forever." he whispered, lifting his pinky and you giggled.

"I promise I'll love you forever too, my sweet Jinnie." you whispered back, your pinky curling around his.

Hyunjin chuckled in delight and pulled you into a sweet kiss.

You didn't have the heart to tell him you got into uni and would be leaving the village in September.

Present time

You had to go visit the tree.

"Fuck." you cursed, angrily wiping your tears away, before putting the corsage back into the drawer and slamming it shut.

Too many memories.

You quickly made your way downstairs where your nana was already serving breakfast.

"Oh, I thought you'd be sleeping more, dear." she lifted her brows in surprise.

"I thought so too." you joked, giving her a pointed look and she laughed.

"I see you forgot how it is here." nana shook her head. "When you haven't been around for so long."

"I'm sorry." you grimaced, sitting down to eat with her. "I know I should've visited more. I got caught up in studies and work and-"

"Breathe, dear." your grandma squeezed your hand with a chuckle. "It's not me who you should be explaining this to."

You gulped, knowing she was referring to Hyunjin.

"Where's grandpa?" you asked.

"He's out back, working."

"I was thinking of going for a walk before lunch. I'll make sure to come back though to help out."

"Sure, dear. You haven't been here for so long, you should catch up with the place and the people." grandma nodded with a wink and that was exactly what you planned to do.

It was around 7am when you finally walked out of the house, inhaling the fresh air you were deprived of in the big city. It was a bit chilly in the morning so you draped a light jacket over your shoulders and let your legs lead you through the familiar streets.

You still didn't want to see Hyunjin so you went the opposite direction of his house, trying to stick to the shadows for now, just to have a little more peace to yourself and mentally prepare for the inevitable encounters of everyone you grew up with.

It was painful. Walking all the familiar paths you walked through before with him, it was as if you could hear his laughter echoing down the street. Your heart squeezed in your chest when you realized just where your legs had taken you.

The tree.

It was still there, as tall as ever, its branches familiar as you and Hyunjin had laid under them multiple times, kissing, talking, laughing, holding each other close. You walked closer, your eyes brimming with tears when you saw the carving. Hyunjin + Y/n. Forever.

The word you had added that night after prom.

You cursed yourself mentally for crying again and being so overcome with emotions. You couldn't stand there for too long and were about to leave when something caught your eye. Another carving, smaller and almost unnoticeable on the right side of yours. You leaned in closer to inspect it and your heart almost stopped.

Hyunjin.

Nothing else, just his name was carved into the wood and you felt fresh tears forming in your eyes. Leaving was definitely a mistake, maybe the biggest mistake you ever made, especially after the let down you experienced in the city. You wiped your tears away again and decided to leave the tree be, your heart hurting at the thought of Hyunjin sitting under the branches alone, carving his name and wondering why you had never called back or came to see him. You walked away, back down the path and into the village, deep in your thoughts. Lost in the memories of what once was you didn't even realize where you came, as your legs walked on autopilot.

Only when the familiar light blue house came into view, you snapped from your thoughts, eyes wide and heart dropping into your stomach.

"Shit!" you whisper-yelled. This was the only house you wanted to avoid and yet you were standing right in front of it. As far as you knew, Hyunjin's parents didn't live there anymore, he was living in the big house completely alone, his only companions his animals.

Your knees almost gave out as you stared, before getting spooked when you heard barking. A big black dog ran to the fence, barking at you in warning. You had never seen it before so Hyunjin must've gotten it after you went to the city. You backed away as the dog kept barking at you in a not-so-friendly manner. You turned and started walking away, hoping Hyunjin didn't hear that or wasn't home because you still weren't ready to see him let alone talk to him.

Then, you heard a familiar voice.

"Easy girl, easy." you assumed he was talking to the dog as the barking subsided immediately and you stopped in your tracks.

"Well, well." you heard then. "If it isn't little bunny."

Your heart leaped out of your chest. You hadn't heard that nickname in years.

"Don't even wanna say hi?" Hyunjin continued and you heard the sound of the little fence door opening. Slowly, you turned around and basically almost fainted.

This wasn't your sweet, shy and little Jinnie. You almost didn't recognize him as you stared at him with eyes wide and mouth agape.

His long hair was gone, replaced by a neat buzzcut that was also bleached, he had piercings on his ears, his arms were big and muscular, a few tattoos here and there, visible in the tanktop he wore. He looked taller, bigger, more manly. Your knees buckled and the more you looked at him the more you felt lightheaded.

Hyunjin smirked, noticing how you were salivating and a little chuckle escaped his lips.

"Gonna catch flies like that." he teased and you closed your mouth, attempting to compose yourself as you stood up straighter. His eyes then traveled all over your frame, the teasing glint inside them turning into something softer until they fell on the necklace and he felt as if the ground underneath his feet almost gave out.

You were still wearing it. Just like he was, his half heart hidden under his top.

"Hi." you said quietly. "You look different."

"A lot can change in six years." he stated, still keeping a good distance away from you.

"It can." you stepped back, feeling suffocated by his presence as you tried to read his face and tone of voice. Was there anger? Regret? Did he resent you?

"You're different too." a small smile appeared on his lips.

"How so?" you tilted your head to the left, thinking how you pretty much looked the same since the end of high school.

"You've gotten even more beautiful." Hyunjin said like it was nothing and you were sure you were having a heart attack in that moment.

"I- That- Thank you." you had no idea what to say. "I have to go... Help nana with lunch. And stuff."

Hyunjin smiled wider.

"I'll see you later then, bunny."

"Sure." you turned around so quickly that you almost snapped your neck. Hyunjin watched with bathed breath as you scurried away from him.

You finally came back.

-

"Did you see Hyunjin?" nana asked as you helped her clean around the kitchen after lunch.

"Accidentally, yes." you said and she chuckled.

"I never understood why you broke up, you two are made for each other." she said and you almost dropped the plate you were holding.

"We didn't... actually break up. I just left."

"I thought you were still together back then, I was wondering why he never went to visit you or you him. I only realized you weren't together once he asked me if I knew where you lived in the city. Which I forgot the address, dear, so I hope I didn't do anything wrong by not telling him."

"No, no, nana. You did nothing wrong. It was my fault. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I'm not so sure anymore." your eyes welled up with tears as you clutched onto the counter.

"Oh, honey." your grandma was instantly by your side.

"I told him I would come back. I wouldn't be surprised if he hated me now and wanted nothing to do with me." you sniffled as nana wiped your tears away.

"Oh dear, Hyunjin doesn't hate you. He talks very fondly of you always. That boy still loves you."

"He- He does?" you thought back to your encounter today.

"A love like that doesn't disappear overnight. Or over the span of six years." your grandma teased, making you chuckle through your tears.

"If you say so."

"Talk to him. He is coming to dinner tonight anyways." she announced.

"He is what?!" you almost yelled.

"He usually joins us for dinner. At least a few days in the week."

You panicked immediately.

"I have to go get ready then!"

Nana bursted into laughter as she watched you frantically run up the stairs.

"What was that about?" grandpa came in, looking up at the metaphorical dust that you left behind after running.

"Oh you know. Love." grandma winked at him and he shook his head with a smile.

Shit.

Hyunjin is coming over for dinner. You had to look your best.

You've gotten even more beautiful.

His words rang in your head and your cheeks became red instantly, heart beating hard in your chest. You quickly opened your wardrobe and began throwing clothes everywhere, your room soon looking as if a tornado had passed through it. You tried on multiple outfits but with every single one you found something wrong. The color was too bright, the shirt was too big, the pants looked weird...

So you settled on another dress, a pretty and white flowy one with yellow flowers on it, the shape of it accentuating your frame, your bare legs on display. You decided to wear heels too and put on some makeup. You were so nervous as if you hadn't already been his.

While you were doing your hair, you stared into your reflection and remembered that warm summer night when you told Hyunjin you were leaving.

Six years ago

Hyunjin and you sat on a blanket, staring up at the stars shimmering in the dark sky.

"Jinnie." you swallowed nervously.

"Yes, bunny?" he smiled, playing with your fingers.

"I have something to tell you."

"Oh? Okay." he nodded, sitting up.

"Um. It's been weighing on me since prom."

"You sound serious." Hyunjin's expression turned into one of worry.

"It is serious. And I didn't tell you earlier because I was afraid of how you'd react." your heart started beating fast. "I got into my uni of choice."

"Bunny! You did?" he smiled wide. "Why didn't you tell me that? You know I support you and I'm proud of you."

"I know. It's just that... I'm leaving and I don't know when I'll be back." you said. "We talked about this briefly before but... I don't want to stay in the village. There is nothing for me here, I mean career wise. Meanwhile... You decided to work with your father and build your life here."

Hyunjin's smile dropped.

"What are you saying?" his voice sounded strained.

"Are we... Are we breaking up?" he asked, tears forming in his eyes.

"No. No. I don't want to. I don't know." you bit your lip and looked away from him.

"Y/n. Please, don't do this. I've known no one but you my whole life. You're the one I love and the one I promised forever to. We even talked about building a life together, getting married, having kids."

"I know, I know. You're my first love, Jinnie. And those were all nice daydreams but there comes a time when you need to grow up."

"Daydreams? Bunny. Those were plans." his bottom lip trembled and he frowned. "This really sounds like you're breaking up with me."

"No, no." tears started spilling down your cheeks when you saw the hurt in his eyes and realized how harsh your words sounded. "Just... I'm confused. I don't know what to do." you put your hands over your face, a sob escaping your lips.

Hyunjin's eyes softened and he put his hand on your upper back, gently caressing you.

"Hey, look. I know you're scared now, this is a big change. But, we'll figure it out together. You go finish your studies, do what you always wanted to. But please don't throw away what we have. I'll always wait for you, I'll wait until you come visit or I can visit you. We can call each other, we don't have to grow apart in order for you to grow."

"I guess not." his words hit you hard as you looked up at him.

"Don't cry, baby. I love you and I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of my little bunny." he talked, wiping your tears away.

"Jinnie. I love you too." you clutched onto his shirt and cried into his chest.

Oh, how you were going to miss him.

Present time

But after you left, you never even contacted him.

You knew how cruel that was but you thought it was for the best. If you were going to build a life in the city and he was going to stay behind in the village, it was better off like this.

Childhood crushes and high school sweethearts don't always last, do they?

But, your heart hurt so badly every day you were away from Hyunjin. You wanted to forget him, stop loving him but you couldn't no matter how hard you tried. Every time you thought you were ready to take off the couple necklace, your hands would stop functioning. You couldn't bring yourself to do that, the necklace felt as if it was a part of you and despite being away from Hyunjin you knew your heart would always belong to him.

With a sigh, you finished getting ready, wondering if he could really still love you after you'd hurt him like that.

Before you could come down, you heard voices under your window and you stalked towards it curiously. It was closed so you couldn't understand what they were saying but Hyunjin stood there with your grandpa, his back turned to you. You gasped a little, noticing then how his shoulders and upper back also got wider, the black shirt he wore almost ripping at the seams.

"Give me strength." you prayed to whoever was listening before you decided to stop hiding and finally made your way downstairs.

"Yes, I'll definitely ask Chan to help out with the fence, I think he won't be busy this weekend." Hyunjin said to your grandpa as they walked into the kitchen.

"Great! That's settled then!" grandpa clapped his hands with a satisfied smile. Hyunjin looked up at you then and stopped walking, giving you the elevator eyes.

"Good evening." he smirked a little.

"Evening." you said breathlessly and you grandma chuckled.

"Why are you two acting so formal?" grandpa asked as you sat down.

"Leave them be. They just encountered each other after a long time." nana scolded him and he gave a little shrug.

Hyunjin was sitting right across from you and you felt as if there was nowhere to hide. He kept looking at you curiously and you felt so awkward, trying to avoid his eyes as all of you started taking food out on the plates and eating.

Hyunjin couldn't calm his heart down. All the feelings that he carried inside of him every single day, from dawn to late night, were now amplified a thousand times. All those nights he had thought about you and seen you in his dreams couldn't compare to you actually being in front of him. He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, he missed you deeply. The love he always had for you never subsided, it only grew more even while you were apart.

Though, he knew that there were things the two of you needed to talk about, he decided not to think about the hurtful side of it, tossing it in the back of his mind as he continued to bask in your presence. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, your hands, the way your brows creased when you asked a question to your nana, the way you looked up at him timidly only to look away, the way you nervously chewed on your bottom lip, the way that necklace he gave you laid on your skin, still there, as if you had never left, a sign that you perhaps still loved him as much as he loved you.

"So, how is the city treating ya?" Hyunjin asked you suddenly, eyes trained on you as they have been the entire evening.

"It's... okay." you answered but Hyunjin knew you were lying. He knew when you wore a fake smile and he knew the tone of your voice once you tried to convince yourself you're fine.

"Oh yeah? Got that job you always wanted, hm?" he asked and you looked up at him, trying to see if he was mocking you or resenting you but he looked genuinely curious.

"I did." you answered shortly, a knot forming in your stomach. "I got what I wanted." you forced another smile.

"I'm glad you did." he smiled and you felt the urge to cry again. You wondered what was wrong with you and shook your head, trying to will yourself to smile back at him.

"I always thought the two of you would get married." your nana chimed in, making you almost choke on a piece of bread. Hyunjin chuckled and looked at you.

"We're still young." he smirked a little and you started praying that the floor opens up and swallows you whole.

"You two remind me of us when we were younger." grandpa nodded with a smile.

No, you thought, please stop.

You were really going to start crying.

"Excuse me. I need some air." you stood up abruptly, the chair almost falling over behind you.

Hyunjin watched as you ran out of the front door and he stood up too, excusing himself and following you.

You stood on the porch, hugging yourself and sniffling.

"Y/n?" Hyunjin approached you cautiously. You quickly wiped your tears away with the sleeve of your cardigan before turning to look at him.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Sure." you nodded but he knew you were crying.

"You wanna take a walk?" Hyunjin asked, biting on his lip and you chuckled, shaking your head.

"Yeah, why not." you nodded, maybe it was time to stop avoiding him.

You didn't even discuss where you were going to go, you just started walking together in the same direction you always did while you grew up here. It was quiet for a while, only the song of the crickets filling up your ears, a few distant barks and the breeze rustling through the leaves.

"So, what have you been doing?" you asked, trying to break the ice. You couldn't believe you felt so awkward with someone you could talk to the easiest with, out of anyone in your entire life.

"Me? Oh, you know... Working around the farm. I repaired the entire house with some of my mates. It was in a really bad shape, if you remember. We re-did everything, even the roofing and the pipes. Repainted the entire place, changed the furniture... So, it's now like a new house. And I have horses and chickens. A garden. I mean, I work all day, help out others too." he chuckled. "My parents are in the city, they visit sometimes. But, mostly I'm here with Rina, she has been my best friend for three years now."

"Rina?" your stomach dropped instantly.

"Yes, that overprotective black dog that barked at you." Hyunjin smirked at your expression.

"Oh... That's Rina." you said absentmindedly, finally glancing at him.

Your heart stopped.

The necklace. He must've unbuttoned one more button while you were walking, making the other half of the heart visible under his collarbone. He never stopped wearing it either. Suddenly, your stomach filled up with butterflies.

"She's wary of strangers coming near me."

Ouch.

"Yeah." you turned away, the butterflies turning into a feeling of nausea.

"I mean, strangers to her." Hyunjin clarified, realizing how he sounded.

"Yeah, I understand." you gave him a smile you hoped looked real, because you were seconds away from crying. "You still paint?" you decided to change the subject.

"Oh yeah, all the time." he smiled. "Enough about me. What about you?"

"Me? I also work all day. In the office. It's... interesting, I guess. I bought an apartment recently, it's really modern." you talked, realizing how empty your words sounded then. You had no idea what to tell Hyunjin. He had all these projects and people who care about him, animals he cares for and his hobbies. Meanwhile, all you had was a job you ended up hating and no one to come home to.

"I travel a lot." you added, trying to fill up the silence. "For work but also for fun, with some of my coworkers. We went all the way to Bali last year. It was a fun trip, you know. Stuff like that."

"Sounds exhilarating." Hyunjin said, sounding anything but. "Anyone special in your life?"

Why did he ask that.

"No, nobody." you quickly answered.

Hyunjin was hoping you'd say that.

"Good. I mean- Me neither." he coughed awkwardly and stopped walking. You were about to ask why he stopped when you noticed where you were.

"Oh." you let out a chuckle, your face warming up.

You hadn't even realized you came to the only park in the village, and not just that, you were standing in front of your and Hyunjin's bench, where you used to sit after school, talking and kissing.

And well, you sat here on many evenings just like this one, making out. Your face started burning suddenly.

"Shall we sit?" Hyunjin asked and you nodded reluctantly as you felt like you were going to throw up from nerves. The two of you sat down, the silence stretching between you again.

"I-" Hyunjin opened his mouth, then closed them, repeating the action a few times, his brows furrowing and cheeks rosy, his hands gripping the edge of the bench like he was struggling to get his words out. You were almost swallowed by the nerves you felt in that moment, you were scared that he was going to tell you off, just what you deserve.

"I tried to find you." he let out a shaky exhale. "You covered up your tracks pretty well." he scoffed. "I mean, I got the message. You didn't want to see me ever again. And I'd be fine with that if only you gave me a reason, told me why you just disappeared from my life when you've been a part of it since forever. I thought for some time that you have completely abandoned me. But, somewhere deep in my soul I knew you'd be back one day, Y/n."

"Hyunjin..." your bottom lip trembled as your eyes watered. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I made a huge mistake. And I would totally understand if you hated me or resented me and never wanted to forgive me. Just know I felt bad the entire time and I still do." you were full on crying and feeling embarrassed, you looked away from Hyunjin.

"I could never hate you, little bunny." his voice sounded soft and you willed yourself to look at him while you wiped your tears away even though they kept coming. "And I forgave you a long time ago." he whispered. You noticed he was sitting closer to you and your body trembled.

"You did? Why?" you asked quietly.

"Because it's you." he answered simply and you felt annoyed, wanting to hear more. But, before you could ask Hyunjin stood up abruptly.

"Let's meet up tomorrow. Have a picnic like we always used to." he said and you stood up too.

You stared at him and kept thinking, could things go back to how they were before?

You felt as if there was something he wasn't telling you yet, there was no way he forgave you so easily for abandoning him.

"What do you say?" Hyunjin looked at you hopefully.

"Sure. Yeah." you nodded, your body swirling with feelings of confusion, excitement, nostalgia, happiness, sadness... You had no idea how to explain it.

"Great. I'll come to your house around 10am."

"Sounds good."

"Let me walk you home." he added, the two of you walking and talking about the village, who stayed and who moved, which new stores opened and all the other insignificant little things just to avoid the big elephant that needed to be addressed.

"I'll see you tomorrow, bunny." Hyunjin put his hands in his jeans pockets, trying to look nonchalant.

"See you." you hurried inside.

"And that smile?" your nana's voice scared you.

"Oh, nana! Ugh, nothing. I'm just going to see Hyunjin tomorrow." you answered quickly.

"Oh. Hyunjin." she smirked knowingly. "Well, have a good night." she winked before leaving to her room.

You hoped you were going to be able to sleep tonight.

You managed to sleep through the rooster's wake up call, opening your eyes just in time to get ready for your picnic date.

Was it a date? You had no idea what was going to happen but still you wore another pretty dress and put on your makeup. You decided to wear extra shiny lipgloss to make your lips stand out, hopefully get Hyunjin's attention. You felt giddy, like you were that same school girl meeting up her boyfriend, the love of her life.

"Oh, dear you look so pretty." your grandma noted when you came downstairs.

"Thank you, nana." you smiled.

"Are you gonna eat anything?"

"No, Hyunjin told me not to worry and that he'd bring everything."

"Okay, well have fun you two!" she winked at you and you kissed her cheek before skipping out of the house and towards the street where Hyunjin said he'd wait for you.

He wasn't there yet so you stood in place, shifting from foot to foot and wondering why he is late since he'd always been punctual. It was already almost 10:15 and you were beginning to think he had played a cruel joke on you. You were already tearing up at the thought of that but maybe you deserved it after the way you treated him.

You were about to turn around and leave but you heard heavy footsteps running towards you.

"Y/n! I'm so sorry for being late!" it was a breathless Hyunjin, leaning his palms against his knees as he scrunched his face up and tried to calm his heart. "I ran into Chan on the way and he needed help carrying some things, I couldn't say no." he swallowed, straightening up.

Just then you noticed the backpack on his shoulders and the thin sheen of sweat forming on his forehead, the tanktop was there again and your eyes followed all the veins popping out.

"Oh, it's okay." you shook your head, feeling stupid.

"Shall we?" he smiled and you nodded, letting him lead the way. His eyes lingered on your lips for a while as he bit on his, before starting to walk. It was clear to you where you were going, the tree was your picnic and stargazing spot for years.

"I saw you by the tree the other day." Hyunjin said, putting his backpack down and opening it.

"Oh? You did?" your heart climbed up your throat.

"Yeah." he smiled. " I thought I was hallucinating."

You chuckled, feeling the need to smack his arm like you always did when he made you laugh but you refrained from doing so.

"Nope, I'm here." you said, helping him put the blanket down.

"I'm glad you are." he said and the two of you sat down, Hyunjin taking everything that he had packed out; fruit salad, sandwiches, coffee. You didn't feel like you deserved this. You wanted to ask him so many things. Like why did he carve his name alone in the tree trunk, why did he seem so normal about all of this, why didn't he just yell at you, like any other person would after being hurt.

"Hyunjin?" you gulped, poking around the plastic container with the fruit. He gave you an unreadable look, his brows furrowing.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" he said and you chuckled nervously.

"Well, that's your name."

"Yeah but you always called me nicknames. Like Jinnie or Hyune. And other things." he looked at the field of flowers swaying in front of you.

You hadn't answered so he turned to look at you.

"Why aren't you yelling at me or cursing me out?" you asked and Hyunjin's eyes widened a little.

"Why would I do that?" he tilted his head.

"Because I promised I'd love you forever and I left. I didn't even come back for six years, I thought I was doing a good thing. That I'd be better off in the city and you'd be better off without me. That I'd be able to move on and forget you. I thought I'd never come back here but after what happened-" your shut your lips tightly, eyes watering. "After being disappointed with everything I thought I wanted in my life, I came back here and expected to see that you moved on or even gotten married. I expected you to hate me, yell at me, curse at me. But here we are, sitting under our tree, having a picnic like I never broke your heart and mine." you were now full on crying, your bottom lip trembling and hands shaking.

Hyunjin observed you with a wistful look in his eyes before smiling softly.

"You wanna know why I'm not yelling or cursing at you?" he said, leaning closer to you.

"W-why?" you stuttered, he got into your private space and even though he changed and grew, he still had that comforting scent of Hyunjin, the one that brought you so much comfort and nostalgia.

"Because of this." he reached towards you and gently gripped the pendant of your necklace between his fingertips. "You're still wearing our necklace. And that tells me everything I need to know. Bunny, I've known you my whole life, I've loved you my whole life. I knew you wouldn't be happy in the city and I knew you'd come back here to me one day. I know that because we were made for each other and because I could feel you inside me every day. I just knew our story wasn't over, it was just beginning."

You were at a loss of words, crying and sobbing as Hyunjin talked, feeling embarrassed and also like you wanted to roll down the hill from excitement. You wiped at your face, trying not to screw up the makeup you worked so hard on while letting his words settle inside your head.

"Oh my god, Hyunjin!" you shrieked suddenly, grabbing onto his arm on accident.

"Y/n." he laughed as you kept squealing and gripping at his bicep while a little bee flew around your body. "It's just a bee, don't be scared."

"Please, make it go away." you whined.

"What can I do, a bee found a pretty flower." Hyunjin smirked at you then and you looked up at him with your eyes squinted before slapping his arm. The loud sound made you jolt a little and you looked down at the muscle, something fluttering inside you. Your cheeks warmed up instantly. Hyunjin smirked, his other hand cupping your jaw gently as he made you look at him.

"You didn't break your promise, doll. You still love me." he smiled.

"I do." you confessed quietly and his eyes sparkled a little as he leaned in closer. His eyes fluttered, his cheeks became rosy and his warm breath caressed your lips. You jolted away suddenly, afraid and you had no idea why.

"I'm sorry!" you said quickly, placing your palm over your heart. Hyunjin looked a little confused, his fingers twitching as his hands longed to comfort you in any way they could.

"I got nervous." you said and Hyunjin laughed.

"Don't laugh at me!" you whined with a pout, kicking your feet a little and that made him laugh even harder. "Stop it." you crossed your arms over your chest with a little huff escaping your lips.

"You're just so cute, bunny." how many times has he told you that and it still made your heart flutter. "It's okay. I waited for you for six years, I can wait a little more."

"I just didn't expect things to go like this." you swallowed and Hyunjin scooted closer to you, tentatively touching your fingertips with his. That was enough for you to feel the electricity running through your body.

"I understand. We'll fall back into us in no time."

"You think so?" you asked, inching closer to him, your fingers now playing with his.

"I know so." he smiled confidently. "Just have to ask one question."

"Anything." you nodded.

"Are you back for good or just the anniversary?"

You looked down and took in a deep breath.

"Please don't tell this to my grandparents yet. But I am back for good. I quit my job and sold my apartment, I didn't tell them anything because I am just waiting for the right moment." your voice trembled.

"Didn't something happen?" Hyunjin asked, leaning down to look at your face.

"Just... People were disgusting. The job was depressing. The apartment was cold. The city was lonely. And maybe a part of me hoped you'd be here waiting for me no matter how selfish that is. Because, I don't think I could ever stop loving you, Jinnie. Even if someone wiped away my entire memory I would still have you engraved inside my heart."

"Bunny." Hyunjin cupped your cheeks. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone anything. I'm sad you went through all of that but it brought you back here, didn't it?"

You nodded.

"And I am glad it did." he leaned in again.

"Ack! The bee!" you squealed as the little creature came back to buzzing around you.

"Silly." Hyunjin chuckled under his breath, 'shielding' you from the scary bee.

You felt as if a stone has been lifted off of your heart as the two of you continued catching up and reminiscing of the good old days. Hours passed by so quickly that you almost didn't realize it was lunch time.

"Nana is expecting me at home for lunch. Do you wanna join us?" you asked with a timid smile.

"I'd love to but Chan invited me to his house for lunch today. We'll come to you tomorrow, he is also excited to see you again, you know that you were always like a little sister to him."

"Oh, I'm excited to see him too." you chuckled.

You couldn't believe that everyone has welcomed you with open arms after you left like that and you were still trying to come to terms that you won't be going back to the city ever again.

When Hyunjin said him and Chan would come around to help your grandpa repair the fence out back, you totally forgot about the fact that Hyunjin would be in a sleeveless top, flexing his muscles and wiping away his sweat constantly. Summer was knocking at the door and the sun was high in the sky. You wore the red dress from the first day, the one Hyunjin stared at so intently when you stood outside of his house. When Chan saw you he made a funny squealing noise, running up to you and picking you up as if you were paper doll, spinning you around as you screamed at him to put you down.

"Aww little Y/n is back!" he pinched your cheeks and you smacked his hands away with a pout.

"I'm only three years younger than you, bro." you emphasized and he laughed.

"I'm glad to see you here. I was beginning to think our Hyunjinnie would die alone." he smirked and Hyunjin punched his side with his fist mumbling a 'shut up or else' and you let out a laugh.

"Congrats on getting married, old man." you smirked and Hyunjin was glad you teased Chan back, a snicker escaping his lips.

"Didn't you say a moment ago it was only three years difference?" he smirked back and you exhaled, rolling your eyes playfully.

"Enough chit-chat. Time to work, boys." you chuckled, sitting at the table your granparents put in the backyard. It was placed under a tree that gave a good shade to it, so it wasn't as hot as it would be but for you it felt like you were enveloped by the sun itself.

Hyunjin was working in the sunlight, his soft skin glistening with sweat almost making him look ethereal and unreal. His muscles were flexing constantly as he moved and lifted stuff up, the veins popping out and now visible everywhere on his arms, hands and even his neck. You were feeling very hot and bothered, feeling like you couldn't breathe properly as your legs pressed together. He glanced at you a few times and you saw the little smirk on his face.

He was provoking you on purpose, the little tease.

Two can play this game, you thought and got up, entering the house so you could find a little towel. You took that time to put on more lipgloss and adjust your dress so your cleavage was more visible.

"There." you nodded to yourself with a smirk before walking back outside and straight towards Hyunjin.

"It's hot, isn't it?" your voice sounded sweet, dripping with honey as you hovered over him where he kneeled, working on the fence. He looked up at you, covering his forehead with his hand so the sun doesn't get into his eyes. His mouth went dry instantly, your bare thighs were right in front of his eyes and your chest on display as you leaned over him.

"Hot. Yes." he managed to say.

"Let me help you with that, Jinnie." you smirked, leaning down a little more as you started gently patting at his forehead, wiping the sweat off and he just sat there breathing heavily as you kept going lower, patting his neck now, noticing how he leaned into your touch, how his eyes fluttered and his breath hitched.

"Better?" you moved away suddenly and he snapped from his trance.

"Y-Yeah."

"Thirsty?" you asked, louder so Chan hears it too.

"Yes!" Chan yelled, his back turned to you thankfully.

You smirked as Hyunjin gulped, staring after you as you turned around towards the house to make some lemonade for the boys. Hyunjin couldn't stop staring at you when they took a break, munching on some cookies your nana made and drinking the fresh lemonade. His eyes fixated on your shiny lips and he longed to taste you once again. Chan kept yapping about his wife and farm enthusiastically and you kept nodding and chuckling all the while Hyunjin didn't even hear a word that came out of Chan's mouth.

It was almost sundown when the boys were done and nana invited them to stay over for dinner, ushering them both to first wash their hands thoroughly before touching any food. The atmosphere was warm and homely, a happy feeling swelling inside your chest. You were home, where you were always supposed to be, where you belonged, with Hyunjin.

"I'll be right back." you stood up after dinner, running upstairs to fix your makeup.

Hyunjin waited for a moment before he followed you to your room. You walked out of the bathroom when he appeared on the doorway, leaning there with a fond smile on his face.

"It looks like a time capsule in here." he looked around in wonder, taking a tentative step inside.

"You haven't been up here?" you asked, eyebrows raised as he looked around, taking in all the memories you two had created together.

"No, your grandparents kept it closed. There was no need for me to be here." Hyunjin's eyes lit up when he looked at your bed. "Jinnie! You kept him!" he pointed to your teddy bear, walking in and picking it up.

"Of course I did. I kept everything."

"Even those cute diaries?" Hyunjin smirked. "Dear diary, today Jinnie and I held hands for the first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. Everyone saw us walking to school together-"

"Shut up!" you squealed, ripping the teddy away from him and smacking him with it multiple times as he laughed at your red cheeks.

"What? It was cute." he giggled, slinking away from your attack.

"It's embarrassing. Even more because you still remember what I wrote. Are you sure you haven't been up here?" you teased, putting Jinnie back on the bed and walking to your table.

"I haven't since the last time we were here together." Hyunjin was behind you suddenly, his voice low as his lips brushed against your ear. You gasped, remembering the last night you spent here with him, on top of him as he guided your hips against his slowly, wanting to make it last as long as possible so you never forget how he feels.

"Right." you turned abruptly, the back of your thighs colliding with the table as he hovered over you, so close you could feel the warmth radiating off of his body.

He smelled so good even after working in the sun almost all day and his skin looked like it needed to be touched, kissed, bitten. A zap of electricity ran through your body as Hyunjin leaned in even closer, his breath mingling with yours. Your eyes fluttered shut and then-

"Come to the lake with me tomorrow afternoon." his lips almost brushed against yours before he leaned away, leaving you frustrated.

"What?" you were lost momentarily.

"The lake. Let's meet there." he said and straightened up.

"Sure." you said and he smirked devilishly.

Just what was he planning now?

"Well, I gotta go home make sure Rina has her dinner and walk. See you tomorrow, doll."

With that, he left your room, his scent lingering all around you, making you want to roll in it and have him close. You couldn't wait for tomorrow.

-

The lake wasn't too far away from your house either, only a 15 minute walk full of chatter and laughter. Your bare arm brushed against Hyunjin's a few times, making you feel like your skin burned whenever it touched his. It almost felt as if everything was going back to normal, like it was before but at the same time you couldn't ignore the things that had changed about Hyunjin.

It was clear; he was no longer a boy, he was a man.

The way he carried himself and the way he spoke was more confident and masculine than that shy awkward Jinnie that tripped over his feet and his words, his cheeks constantly red in your presence. But the way he looked at you full of adoration, that had never changed.

"What made you cut your hair?" you asked as the two of you approached the lake. Hyunjin's hand instanly ran over his head as he laughed.

"It's kinda hard to work with all that hair flying everywhere. It was a nuisance, really. And... You seemed to like it a lot, you always played with it, braided it... But when you left, I figured there was no point in keeping it so I shaved it off."

"Oh." you sighed.

"You don't like it?" he asked cutely, the two of you stopping near the lake.

"No, no, I do. It looks very manly." you said, your cheeks burning up. You didn't say how you thought it accentuated all his beautiful, sharp features, his jawline and his neck that was so enticing to you.

"It does, hm?" he smirked, leaning in closer.

"Yeah." you leaned back a little, your stomach doing flips.

Hyunjin snickered and leaned away with a smirk.

"I have a dare for you." he said and you raised your eyebrow at him.

Hyunjin looked around before smirking at you again, getting into your personal space.

"I dare you to swim naked with me." he said and you almost stopped functioning.

"What? Are you crazy?" you punched his arm but it was more just a tap to him as he didn't even budge, chuckling at you as he crossed his arms over his chest. God, his arms.

"It's not like I haven't seen it all anyways." he said and you gasped.

"Oh my god." you looked away from him, your heart beating hard. "Okay, but only if we leave our underwear on."

"Alright, deal." he smirked and took his shirt off, tossing it aside.

You shrieked, turning away from him because you weren't sure if your heart could take it. Hyunjin laughed, getting rid of his pants without a care in the world.

"Don't get shy, you saw it all." he said and you took a deep breath in before looking back at him.

It's all yours, Hyunjin thought but bit his tongue.

Your eyes went wide and your lips parted in a gasp. Hyunjin was always lean and athletic, but now he was even more chiseled, his thighs were more muscular too, all the little tattoos he had hidden were now visible to you. And the worse thing was that you could see the bulge in his boxers so you averted your eyes, feeling like you might've stopped breathing for a second or two.

"Your turn." he nodded at you with a knowing smirk and you scrambled to take off your dress, feeling embarrassed for some reason. You didn't wear any flashy underwear, just regular black panties and a matching bra that only had a few lacy flowers at the top. It was enough to make Hyunjin drool.

"Beautiful." he muttered quietly, it was your body that he knew very well, the one he mapped out with caresses and kisses, your skin that he marked with his teeth, you who he held in his arms countless times.

"What did you say?" you didn't hear him, shivering a little despite the sun still being up.

"Nothing." he smiled. "Let's get in the water."

You nodded and followed him as he got into the water first, hissing at the coldness before he reached his hands towards you to help you get in.

"Is it very cold?" you asked and he chuckled.

"We swam here multiple times, you know how cold the water is. Just get in, we'll warm up." he encouraged you.

"Fine." you rolled your eyes in fake annoyance as you grabbed onto his hands, warmth filling you up from the simple touch, even though the water was almost freezing cold.

"Motherfucker!" you hissed when it touched your stomach and Hyunjin laughed, dipping in and splashing you a little.

"Don't." you warned but it was to no avail, Hyunjin had that familiar mischievous look on his face, eyes sparkly and dimples showing as he lifted his hands and splashed you harder.

"Hyune!" you shrieked and returned the favor, splashing him back.

"Ah!" he screamed out, followed by a series of giggles as he shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face. "I'll get you for that." he added, swimming towards you.

Another squeal left your lips as you dipped in and started swimming away, Hyunjin's laughter ringing behind you. How you missed the sound of that. Just as you thought you got away from him, you felt his hands grabbing at your waist as he pulled you closer to him, the water splashing loudly as you flailed your arms and screamed, giggling. His strong arms wrapped around your middle and he pulled you flush against his body, skin against skin and you melted, grabbing onto his hands and resting your palms over them.

"I missed you like crazy." his lips brushed against the side of your neck. "You have no idea just how much." they pressed gently into your skin.

"I missed you too." your voice came out breathy as Hyunjin kissed the droplets of water rolling down your neck.

"Yeah? Show me how much." he turned you around so quickly that you gasped and grabbed onto his shoulders.

You wanted to say something, anything but you were already too far gone so you wrapped your arms around his shoulders as he wrapped his around your waist and pulled you into him. It was as if every atom of your being craved to be close to him, starved for years and now finally feeding the hunger and need you had for Hyunjin.

No matter how many time Hyunjin held you, it always made your stomach flip and it was no different now. You felt how hard his heart was beating against his chest and his eyes darkened just a little as he observed you. Your hand touched the back of his head, fingertips pressing against the soft, fuzzy buzzcut. His eyes fluttered and he leaned in, the tip of his nose brushing yours gently before his lips touched yours.

Everything came back. The first time you saw Hyunjin shyly smiling at you when you were five, the times you did your homework together after class only to end up playing instead of learning, the times you walked through the entire village, like it was all yours, the park, the lake, the street, the tree. The first kiss you shared that was timid and awkward but still sweet because it was with him, the times he held you close, loving you, deep inside you and wrapped around you, all the time he was there for you, holding your hand, wiping your tears away, making plans of the future he wanted to share with you. It was your Jinnie.

The only man you ever loved.

"Bunny, what's wrong?" you didn't even realize you were crying and Hyunjin cupped your face gently with his cold hands.

"I love you." you said, lifting the last of the weight. Hyunjin's body trembled against you.

"I love you." he whispered on your lips, kissing you harder as you pressed as close as you could to each other.

"You really don't resent me for leaving?" you asked when you parted for air.

"No, bunny, I know you just wanted to finish your studies, try your hand at a career like that. I mean, you could've done all that with me by your side even if it was a long distance relationship. You know I would support you. But, I get it. You thought you'd never come back here and that I would never leave."

"Hyunjin, I'm sorry." you cried again. "I don't deserve you."

"Shh, yes you do. Yes you do, bunny. You know me better than anyone, you were there for me always whenever I was going through a hard time."

"I wasn't there for the last six years."

"You're here now." Hyunjin kissed you again in an attempt to soothe you and distract you and it was working as you melted against his lips, soon forgetting about everything that was bothering you as the world disappeared like it always did with him.

Hyunjin's tongue collided with yours, the familiar taste of him waking up all of your senses as he gripped you harder and kissed you like his entire life depended on it.

"Bunny." he smiled, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Jinnie." you whispered and he pecked your lips once more before swimming backwards with a smirk.

"Catch me!" Hyunjin teased, swimming faster and you let out a noise of protest, knowing you weren't gonna be able to. "Catch me or you lose your dress!"

"What?!" you shrieked as he laughed, swimming towards the shore and quickly grabbing onto the stones.

"Hyunjin, don't you dare!" you yelled when he got out of the water, almost slipping as he laughed and ran to grab all your clothes.

You swam quicker, almost getting to the shore as he snickered and bolted away with your dress and his clothes.

"Hyunjin!" you yelled, struggling to get out of the water as the sound of his laughter drifted further away.

"Bastard." you muttered when you managed to climb out of the water, shivering as the sun was about to go down. There was no way he left you here without anything, especially when the sky was darkening quickly.

"Hyunjin, this isn't funny!" you yelled, taking a few steps forward, realizing he even grabbed your sandals. You cursed under your breath, looking around when suddenly-

"Boo!" Hyunjin sneaked behind you, scaring you out of your wits.

"You bastard!" you whined and he just laughed, reaching your dress towards you. And he was already dressed, the tease.

You were about to snatch it when he lifted his arm, holding it out of your reach. Maybe some things haven't changed like the way Hyunjin would always test your patience, claiming you were so adorable when you were annoyed.

"Ugh!" you jumped up to grab it but he moved it, giggling as he looked down at you.

"Hyunjin, give me my dress." you slapped his chest as he kept laughing and moving the dress away.

"I think you look prettier like this." he looked down at your chest and you gasped, covering yourself up.

"I'm cold, Hyunjin." you said and he shook his head.

"Here." he put the dress in front of your face and you eyed him for a moment before finally grabbing it and putting it on. He gave you your shoes and you put them on quickly as the sun almost set. Your bodies were still wet and putting the clothes over them made it worse.

"I'm really cold." you said and Hyunjin pulled you into his side as he led you back towards your house.

"You should come see how I repaired and decorated the place. Meet Rina too." Hyunjin smiled, rubbing your arm in an attempt to warm you up at least a little.

"Some other day, what I need right now is a warm bath." you sighed.

"I have a bath." Hyunjin smirked.

"I'm sure you do." you lifted one eyebrow at him as he kept chuckling.

As you made your way to your house, you felt so giddy, almost as if no distance ever existed between Hyunjin and you.

"I'll see you tomorrow at the anniversary dinner." you smiled as you arrived in front of the gate.

"Mhm." he smirked, holding your hands and staring into your eyes. You stood on your tippy-toes, pouting at him and he chuckled, leaning down as he grabbed your face gently and kissed you slowly like he was savoring the moment. Your arms wrapped around his waist and you pulled him in, your bodies heating up against one another.

"Good night, Jinnie." you whispered, pecking him again.

"Night, bunny. Dream about me." Hyunjin smirked, kissing the corner of your lips.

There was no way you were even sleeping tonight.

-

"Good morning!" you practically glided into the kitchen, seeing both your grandparents there.

"Look at you, I'm guessing it went well with Hyunjin, huh?" nana smiled.

"Oh, it did." you said and your grandparents just exchanged knowing looks but decides not to pry. You were walking on cloud 9 all day and you couldn't wait to see Hyunjin again.

You took extra time to do your hair and makeup and wear a nice black dress with heels for tonight, hoping to make Hyunjin's knees buckle just as he made you feel weak. Half of the village was invited to the anniversary dinner and you were so estatic to see all the people you haven't seen for years again and catch up with them. You were pulled left and right, everyone was equally as excited to talk to you, your old neighbors and friends were glad to have you back. Hyunjin arrived a little later and your heart almost leaped out of your chest when he walked in.

"Hey there, little bunny." he smirked, leaning in closer to you as his lips brushed against your cheek.

"Hey, Jinnie." you let out a giggle as your body heated up from the simplest touch.

"You look stunning." he gently grabbed your hand and gave you the elevator eyes.

"You look handsome." you returned the compliment and he squeezed your hand.

"Yeah?" he teased and you rolled your eyes playfully, pushing him away a little.

The dinner went smoothly, everyone was talking and having fun, the food was delicious as always which is something you missed in the city, and after the biggest toast to your grandparents' love and devotion, came more toasts and the glasses were never empty. You were a lightweight so you didn't drink too much, two and a half glasses were enough for you to feel the pleasant warm buzz inside your body. Hyunjin on the other hand, kept drinking with Chan and some of his other friends, his laughter echoing in the room and his face completely red. How much did he have?, you wondered since you knew he could drink a lot more than you before becoming like this.

After dinner, some of the neighbors left home, leaving only a few of you sitting together in the patio out back. Hyunjin slid next to you on the swinging bench with a dumb smile on his face, his dimples visible and his eyes almost disappearing.

"Hey there pretty girl." he giggled, leaning his cheek on your shoulder and pulling you close to him quickly, startling you a little from the suddenness of the movement.

"Jinnie, you're drunk." you let out a laugh as he whined and nuzzled his face into your neck.

"Drunk or not, you're always pretty to me." he smiled against your skin, pressing his lips into your neck and kissing you gently.

"My grandparents are there at the table." you chuckled, trying to pry him off of you as your cheeks burned.

"Did you tell them you're staying here with me forever?" Hyunjin leaned back a little and looked up at you with a cute, hopeful expression on his face. Your heart skipped a beat as you wrapped your arms around him and he leaned against your chest.

"I'll tell them soon." you whispered and he rubbed his cheek against you.

"Mm." he sighed, closing his eyes and getting even closer to you, draping his leg over you and trapping you there with him.

"Hyunjin?" you chuckled after a few moments, caressing the back of his head but there was no answer. "Are you sleeping?" you looked down and sure enough, your Jinnie was fast asleep on you, his face smushed against your breast.

"Poor soul." Lino, one of your high school friends came up to you together with Chan.

"I think he is right where he wants to be." Chan smirked and you really wanted to kick his shin but Hyunjin's leg was blocking your movement.

"Please help me take him upstairs, I don't want him to go home like this." you asked and even though they wanted to tease the both of you, they decided to help. Hyunjin blinked confusedly when Chan shook him lightly.

"Hyunjinnie. We have to go inside." he told him.

"Noooo!" Hyunjin wailed dramatically and gripped you tighter.

"You can sleep upstairs in my bed." you said and immediately he lit up.

"I can?" Hyunjin smiled cutely and you nodded.

He started babbling about how happy he was as Lino and Chan lifted him and helped him get upstairs before they bid you good night and left with teasing smirks on their faces. Hyunjin sobered up enough to brush his teeth before he started throwing his clothes off like they were the biggest nuisance in the world. You just finished getting ready for bed, wearing your favorite nightgown when you walked back into your room and saw Hyunjin almost naked, in the process of taking his pants off. He hopped on one leg cursing and looking like a major klutz as he almost fell down while you observed him and giggled.

"Fuck this!" he whined, throwing himself on your bed and letting out an exhale.

"Need some help?" you walked closer to the bed and Hyunjin smirked at you.

"Please." he nodded.

You managed to slide his pants off, putting them aside before Hyunjin wrapped his legs around you and pulled you towards him, making you lose balance and fall on top of him.

"Jinnie!" you gasped and he chuckled, brushing your hair behind your ears.

"Being in this room with you is like you never left." he whispered and before you could even answer, he flipped you over so now your body was caged under his. Your breath got caught in your throat as you blinked up at him. "This bed, where I made you mine for the first time. Brings back so many memories." he added with a smirk, his plush lips on yours instanly. You let out a little sound of protest because you definitely did not want your first time after being back to the village to be when you're both tipsy.

"Wait, wait." you stopped him, your hands planted on his chest and you were trying to ignore how his muscles felt under your palms.

"What's wrong, bunny?" Hyunjin asked, lips ghosting over your jaw.

"I- I don't wanna do it like this, I want us both to be completely present and sober. I think we should go to sleep now." you said and Hyunjin smirked once again, his big hands on your waist, caressing you as he kissed your cheeks.

"Sleep, hm?" he teased, his hands ghosting over your body but not touching you exactly how you wanted him. Goosebumps rose on your skin as your eyes fluttered and you gripped onto his arms. "As you wish, doll." Hyunjin smirked and rolled off of you, getting comfy on your small bed. You forgot just how small it was, whenever he would secretly sleep over you were both cramped up in the bed and it usually ended with you lying on top of his body as he held you.

Hyunjin grabbed your teddy and wrapped his arms around it as he smirked at you sleepily.

"Give Jinnie to me." you demanded and he chuckled.

"No." Hyunjin shook his head. "You come here to us." he beckoned you with his arm and you gulped, hesitating for a moment and just looking at Hyunjin sprawled on your bed in nothing but his boxers. It was truly a sight for sore eyes and you couldn't get over the fact that he has gotten even hotter than he was six years ago. You let out a sigh and laid down in his arms, your head on his chest and your ear pressed against his heart that was beating erratically.

"Good night, Jinnie." you whispered after you managed to relax and melt into him, telling yourself that no matter how much time has passed and what he looked like now, he was still your Hyunjin.

You stirred in your bed, the weight and warmth of Hyunjin's body was gone and for a second you thought last night was just a dream but when you opened your eyes and looked to your right, you saw a small makeshift flower bouquet placed in Jinnie's paw and a note next to it. A smile spread on your face as you rolled over on your tummy and grabbed the note.

'Good morning, beautiful. Come to my house around lunch time.'

There was little hearts drawn at the end and Hyunjin's name scribbled down. You squealed in happiness, hugging Jinnie and pressing your face into the teddy, inhaling Hyunjin's scent that stayed everywhere on your bed and made you feel crazy.

You had an extra pep in your step when you came downstairs, trying to find your grandparents so you could tell them you're planning on staying. After searching around the kitchen and living room, you finally spotted them sitting in the backyard, talking and laughing as they enjoyed a warm cup of coffee. You smiled, observing them for a moment and remembering all the times you thought about Hyunjin and you spending the rest of your life together like them and it made your heart flutter.

"Good morning." you walked over to them and they greeted you with a smile.

"Sit with us, honey." nana said, pouring you a cup of coffee and giving you some cookies.

"Slept well?" she teased you and your face started burning immediately.

"Yes." you chuckled. "Um. I have to tell you both something."

"What is it?" grandpa asked and you took a deep breath in, explaining to them how unhappy you actually were in the city, how hard it was for you and how alone you felt. You told them about the multiple times you wanted to drop everything and come back to the village but something always stopped you from throwing away everything you worked so hard for, and then you explained how you quit your job after having to compete for a higher position but the girl you were competing with was bullying you and slept with your boss, which made her get the promotion you broke your back over just with your work. That was your last straw and you just couldn't stay there anymore.

By the time you finished explaining all of it both you and your nana were crying.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything before and made you think I was just visiting but I had no idea if you'd be willing to let me come back here for good." you sobbed.

"What are you talking about Y/n? Of course you can always come back here, this is your home. And we both missed you so much, right?" nana looked at your grandpa and he nodded in agreement. "That's right, we are so happy to have you here." he added and you felt the last stone lifting from your heart, relief washing over you that now everything has been clarified. You were back home and you were never leaving again.

-

Around lunch time, you were ready and buzzing, finally you were going to Hyunjin's house. As you approached it, Rina ran towards the fence, barking at you which caught Hyunjin's attention and he came out of the house, wearing an apron and a tanktop, making your mind dizzy. You were sure he was doing this on purpose to mess with you cause he knew very well how much power he had over you.

"Easy girl." he cooed at the dog, coming closer to the two of you and petting her black fur as she looked at him and sat, panting happily upon getting caressed. "This is Y/n, she's not dangerous." he stated as you walked into the yard and approached Rina cautiously.

"Well, maybe for my heart but that's a different thing." Hyunjin smirked and your cheeks reddened as you looked away from his mischievous smile. Rina barked at you but her tail was wagging as she approached you and started sniffing you before jumping on you and almost pushing you down.

"Oh my god!" you chuckled, petting the dog as she hopped around you happily, barking and running from you to Hyunjin and then back to you.

"She loves you." Hyunjin smiled as he observed the two of you.

"She's just the sweetest." you said.

"And very protective over me." Hyunjin smirked and you rolled your eyes playfully at him. "Let me show you around." he added and you nodded, Rina following behind the two of you. It was still the same house and garden but you could see how much work Hyunjin put in it. The flower garden was more than beautiful, the rest of the garden was full of different vegetables Hyunjin was growing and he even had his own lemon tree. You could see the entire house has been repainted, the windows changed and even the stable with horses was repaired. "How do you maintain all of this alone?" you wondered as Hyunjin took you through the stables where he had three horses and out towards the chicken coop.

"I work all day." Hyunjin shrugged. "Besides, Chan and Lino help me sometimes. And some of our other neighbors too. I mean I typically wake up around 5am and go to bed around 10pm, sometimes 11." he explained and you admired his work ethic and his persistence.

"That's amazing. You're so hardworking and resilient." you praised him and his cheeks got rosy. You knew how Hyunjin always enjoyed getting compliments, especially when he did something right and especially when they came from you.

"It's definitely hard sometimes and I wish I had someone here with whom I can split the work up with." he gave you a look and it was your turn to become red.

"Thank you for the flowers." you said as you neared the chickens.

"That was the least I could give you. Sorry for getting drunk at your grandparents' anniversary dinner." he chuckled and you shook your head.

"You're fine, don't worry." you waved your hand.

While you were talking, a curious chicken came closer and gave you a startle, making you jump a little and grab onto Hyunjin's arm as you shrieked. Hyunjin burst out into laughter and you frowned at him.

"It's not funny!"

"It so is. That's literally just a chicken, Y/n." Hyunjin kept chuckling.

"A chicken that is out to get me!" you shrieked again as the said chicken kept walking towards you menacingly. "Ah!" you screamed as the chicken sped up towards you and you jumped back, scaring half of the other chickens and making Rina bark. One wrong move and you slipped, falling down into the muddy soil, the pretty white dress you put on now completely ruined. Rina ran to you and barked, wagging her tail as the chicken gave up and went on her merry way like this was her plan the entire time. Hyunjin stared at you in shock before he started laughing so hard that his face became red and he doubled over, gripping his stomach. You really wanted the earth to open up this time and pull you down so far so you never embarrass yourself in front of Hyunjin again.

"Stop laughing at me." you pouted, your eyes welling up with tears as you were planted on your knees and palms.

"I'm sorry, but that was just too funny." Hyunjin came closer to you and you looked up at him, trying to look as mad as you could but the tears in your eyes softened Hyunjin up. "Come here." he cooed at you, grabbing your arms gently and helping you lift up.

"My dress is ruined." you couldn't help the tears that started sliding down your cheeks.

"Don't cry bunny, you can shower here and I'll give you something to wear, hm?" Hyunjin touched your cheek, tenderly wiping your tears away with his thumb. You hiccuped and nodded and he chuckled at your cuteness, grabbing your face and leaning in to peck your lips.

He led you into the house and despite feeling embarrassed and sad that your pretty dress was ruined, you still felt shocked when you walked in. The house that was like your second home here looked completely different than it did while you were growing up here. Your wide eyes wondered everywhere, not only was it repaired and repainted, the furniture was new and rearranged differently and there was art everywhere that you presumed was probably Hyunjin's. Everything was so neat and pretty, his house seemed so warm and cozy, a place you could see yourself spending time in with him.

"What do you think?" Hyunjin chewed on his lip, looking at you cutely with wide sparkly eyes.

"Hyune, it's beautiful! I love what you did with it. Somehow, it seems more spacious and like there's more light coming in." you said and he giggled.

"Yes, I wanted to make use of natural light as much as I could." he led you upstairs to his bathroom. "Here, you can shower and I'll make some lunch for us." he added and you nodded as you kept marvelling at everything he did with the space. Hyunjin found a shirt that was oversized even on him so it would definitely be like a dress for you.

"Here." he gave you the shirt and smirked. "Need help?" he added as he motioned towards the shower.

"I think I can handle it." you giggled and Hyunjin gave you a kiss before leaving to the kitchen. You took in the state of yourself in the mirror, cursing quietly when you saw just how much mud you were covered up in. You slowly peeled off the dress and then your underwear, before stepping into the shower. You managed to wash off the mud pretty quickly, replaying the entire scene in your head and feeling more and more embarrassed the more you thought of it.

After drying off and putting your underwear back on, you grabbed Hyunjin's shirt and your gut stirred at the smell of him. You put it on, the fabric soft against your smooth skin and you melted into it, hugging yourself with a smile on your face. This was not the first time you wore his clothes and you missed the feeling of it, your mind wandering back to the nights you spent in his embrace, stealing his shirt after which would make him even more crazy for you.

You finally went downstairs, feeling a little shy as you pulled the shirt down even though Hyunjin had already seen everything before and even saw you in your underwear at the lake. When you walked into the kitchen, he was whistling to the music playing in the background while stirring at the stove. He looked up at you and his lips parted, eyes darkening instantly. "Bunny..." he let out a breath and walked closer to you. Your heart started pounding in your ears as he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you into his body, his lips on yours instantly. You kissed back, gripping at him before you felt something nudging your leg. The two of you parted and saw Rina, wagging her tail happily and pushing her head into your body.

"She wants attention." you started petting her immediately. "Reminds me of someone." you teased and Hyunjin gasped, dramatically placing his hand on his chest.

"Comparing me to a dog, huh?" he shook his head with a smile as you shrugged. "You look so good in my shirt, doll." Hyunjin bit on his lip and your face burned. You thanked him sheepishly, making him chuckle before he went back to cooking and you joined him, helping him out and feeling so domestic, and like you were right where you belonged.

The lunch was delicious and the mud mishap was soon forgotten as Hyunjin gave you a full tour of the house, ending in his room where he showed you his favorite paintings and sketchbooks that were unsurprisingly full of you. You were flipping through one of them when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his body, his lips on your neck. You gasped, your hands shaking and making you drop the sketchbook on the floor as Hyunjin gently kissed your skin. "Jinnie..." you exhaled when his tongue darted out to lick at you before he sunk his teeth in. You tilted your head, completely melting against him as your entire body started burning up.

"I craved you so much." Hyunjin nipped at your shoulder and you squeezed his hands.

"Me too." you whispered before turning in his arms and grabbing his face as you smashed your lips against his. Nothing mattered but him in that moment, the two of you had a hunger that could only be satiated with each other. Your kiss was harsh and sloppy, your teeth clashing and hands grabbing everywhere but neither of you cared.

You felt the fire inside you burning up and spreading all the way to the tips of your fingers that grazed Hyunjin's skin. You needed him more than ever and being with him here made you realize that you had no idea how you managed to live all these years without him.

"Bunny, I can't... I want to worship you and take my time with you so badly, I want to kiss every inch of your skin and make love to you but I can't... I need to have you right now." he panted hard as he grabbed at your hips, leading you to the bed.

"Take me Hyunjin, please. I need you so much." you gripped his arms and Hyunjin let out a low growl before pushing you down onto the bed. It was as if he had no idea what to do first, staring at you sprawled under him for a moment before he put his hands on your thighs, squeezing the flesh.

Your legs parted, the shirt riding up and revealing the red lace panties you wore. "Damn doll, are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe." you giggled and Hyunjin smirked at you before spreading your legs more and lowering his middle on top of yours. You gasped a little when you felt his length pressing and rubbing against you. He leaned in closer to your face, his arms caging you in.

"Can you feel what you do to me, bunny?" he moaned, rolling his hips against yours. You knew he wanted to tease you but his mind was far too gone for that. Hyunjin has waited for years for you to come back and to be in his arms, for him to taste you, feel you, kiss you, be inside you.

"Hyune... Please..." you were no better, your entire body was yearning for him, every fiber of your being screamed his name. Hyunjin couldn't wait, he leaned back and took off his shirt so you did the same, revealing that you didn't wear a bra.

"Naughty bunny." Hyunjin smirked, giving you a look and you grabbed his wrists gently, placing his palms on your chest. Hyunjin's eyes fluttered as he squeezed, thumbs swiping on your sensitive nipples. He cursed under his breath as he kept massaging your breasts and rubbing against you. You lifted your hips up to meet his, you needed to feel more of him. Your fingers hooked in his pants and you tugged so he lifted up a little to take them off. Hyunjin leaned down to kiss you, his tongue dominating yours as he slid your panties off, then his boxers before placing his hands on your thighs again and caressing them. His lips traveled down your neck to your collarbone then to your breasts, kissing and nipping at the flesh before he wrapped them against your nipple, sucking harshly as his fingertips pressed on your clit. A loud moan slipped your lips as you gripped his shoulders.

"Hyunjin." you moaned desperately, your body arching into him and he shushed you, his fingers sliding through your wet folds, separating them before he slowly pushed his finger in. It was a welcomed intrusion after not being with anyone for years, you haven't even dated after going to the city, you still felt like you belonged to Hyunjin and you thought about him every day so even the thought of letting someone else touch you was too much for you.

Hyunjin slowly pumped his finger inside you, feeling how wet you were getting before adding another finger, scissoring you open for him. He noticed you seemed deep in thought so he slowed down and leaned in to look at you.

"Is something wrong, doll?" he asked and you snapped out of your thoughts.

"Have you been with anyone since I left?" you asked in a small voice, blinking at him and Hyunjin let out a chuckle.

"No, I waited for you." he whispered, kissing you gently and you clenched around him. "You like that, bunny? Like that I'm only yours?" he bit on your lip and looked at you teasingly as he continued fingering you.

"Yes, yes Hyunjin!" you moaned when he hit that special spot inside you and his eyes darkened.

"What about you, doll? Did you let someone else touch what's only mine, hm?" he asked, fucking you faster.

"N-no. Only you, Hyunjin. I'm only yours." you moaned and he growled lowly again, getting more worked up as he wrapped his hand around his length and pumped it a few times.

"You never stopped being mine, little bunny. And I never stopped being yours." he moaned, pulling his fingers out before licking at them. Your heart was beating hard at the sight and the words that he said. It was true, you were his from the moment you first saw him until the end of time.

"Missed your taste." he moaned before grabbing his cock and pressing it against your clit. "I don't have any condoms." he added and you moaned as he ran his hard tip on your folds.

"T-that was never a problem with us." you bit on your lip and Hyunjin moaned as he started slowly pushing inside you, filling you up perfectly and stretching you out just for him. You whimpered, your legs opening more as you welcomed him inside you, where he belonged. Hyunjin took a moment to gather himself when he bottomed out, his eyes fluttering shut as you squeezed around him.

"God, bunny. I missed this pussy so much." you moaned at the dirty way he spoke, clenching even harder around him. "I won't last long."

You whimpered as he started moving, his muscles contracting with each movement as his arms caged you. You couldn't stop admiring him on top of you; the buzzcut worked so well with the new, more manly look, his eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes dark as he bit on his lip, his cheeks flushed and a thin sheen of sweat forming on his skin, the veins portruding. He looked so beautiful like that, all lost in you as he moaned quietly. Your hands came up to touch the back of his neck and his shoulders, so smooth and firm and Hyunjin gripped your hips.

"Fuck, I can't!" he whined loudly before he started snapping his hips into you. Both of you were a moaning, desperate mess, missing each other for so long. Hyunjin's hands had a bruising grip on your hips, your nails dug into his flesh as you wrapped your legs around him and pressed your heels into his ass, making him go deeper. He moaned loudly, fucking you harder, his cock splitting you apart deliciously.

"I'm g-gonna cum!" he whined almost as if he was disappointed in himself for finishing so quickly but you couldn't really blame him because you were on the verge yourself.

"Cum inside me, Jinnie!" you moaned and his eyes went wide for a moment before he gripped you harder.

"Are you sure?" he panted and you nodded quickly, your nails leaving red angry marks on his skin.

"Yes please Hyune, I need to feel you." you moaned and he whimpered, fucking you harder and chasing his high and your legs started trembling around him. He knew you were close by your moans and the way your body reacted, the way your pussy clenched around him so hard like you wanted him inside you forever.

"Let go for me, doll." he encouraged you and you moaned, the coil snapping as you came around him, making him even more wet.

Hyunjin cursed and moaned loudly, his hips stuttering before he exploded, filling you up with his warm cum and riding his high as you held onto him. He plopped down on top of you as both of you tried to catch your breath.

"Y/n. My bunny, my love." Hyunjin smiled, kissing you gently as you held each other.

"Jinnie. I love you so much." you whispered against his lips and felt him twitch inside you.

"I love you more than anything, doll." he said before kissing you again, his tongue slowly massaging yours and making your body burn all over again. His hands were on your breasts, massaging and squeezing, gently pinching and pulling on your nipples as he kept stealing your breath. You felt him slowly becoming harder inside you and you clenched, your pussy sore but welcoming. You touched his back and caressed his head and neck, making him whimper against you. It didn't take long for him to become fully hard again.

"I'm gonna make love to you." he whispered, kissing your lips again then grabbing your hand and kissing it before pinning it down on the bed, next to your head, his other hand on your waist.

"Hyunjin." you moaned out his name as he started to slowly move inside you, the drag of his cock against your walls was driving you crazy. Your eyes fluttered shut and you let yourself melt into the moment, the space filling up with sounds of your bodies and your moans as you both got lost in loving each other. Your lips brushed against his jaw and neck, kissing him and gently licking at his skin, the droplets of sweat that were sliding down his neck. He threw his head back when you sunk your teeth into his skin, marking him as yours. Hyunjin's hips stuttered and he fucked you a little harder and deeper but still slowly.

Your eyes fluttered open and met with his, full of love and lust.

"I wanna be like this with you forever." he moaned and you squeezed him with your legs, your nails digging into his shoulders again.

"Me too, Hyune, I wanna be with you forever." you breathed out.

He sped up a little, his hands roaming all over your body, his sweat dripping down onto your skin, making everything hot and wet.

"Ah!" you whimpered when he hit the spot. "You feel perfect inside me."

Hyunjin groaned at the praise, his hips snapping into yours harder as his fingers found your sensitive clit, moving in circles and trying to bring you to your high. His lips were on your skin again, kissing, licking and nipping before he grabbed your breast with his free hand and wrapped his lips around your nipple, sucking hard and making your body tremble against him. The fact that you were even more wet and slippery than before because he had already came inside you drove you insane and you snapped, cumming around him and squeezing him again. Hyunjin's eyes rolled back and all he could do was moan your name as he sped up, your hips and pussy burning at the overstimulation and movement before he released inside you, filling you up again.

"Fuck." this time he pulled out of you, watching as his cum oozed out of your pussy. "Wow." he gasped a little, reaching out to touch your folds and you whimpered.

"Are you- are you on the pill?" Hyunjin asked as he retracted his hand and you started laughing when you realized he hadn't even asked before and that you didn't even think about it.

"No, I wasn't sleeping with anyone so I didn't need them." you said and Hyunjin's face went red.

"It's okay." you beckoned him closer with your hand and he crawled to you instanly, laying on top of you and propping himself up with his elbows as he looked at you softly, caressing your head and playing with your hair. "We talked about having kids..."

Hyunjin let out a chuckle before pecking your lips.

"We did but now that you're back I wanted to enjoy you just a little more. Have you all to myself, my little bunny. And I know it might be cliche but I wanted us to get married first." he said and your heart fluttered.

"You never stopped thinking about that?" you asked, caressing his back.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to. Did you?"

"I always thought that if I hadn't left we would've already been married and had at least one baby." you confessed and Hyunjin's body trembled as he pressed himself harder against you.

"There's nothing more I want than to have everything with you, my love." he said, kissing you gently and lovingly.

"Me too." you gasped for air between kisses.

"Are you ready for round three then?" he smirked and you felt his length twitching against your thigh.

"Oh wow." you laughed and Hyunjin chuckled.

"What can I say, I missed you." he kissed your jaw again. "I just wanna be inside you."

"Please Hyunjin." you whimpered, feeling aroused for him easily.

"Don't worry bunny, I got you. All mine tonight." he moaned, pushing into your sore pussy but it felt so good to you. "Gotta make sure it sticks." Hyunjin added with a smirk and you gasped, your eyes rolling back as he filled you up.

You spent almost the entire night in each other's embrace, making love or just cuddling and talking, but both of you felt so insatiable that you just couldn't stop until early morning hours.

"This is about the time I usually wake up." Hyunjin said as he blinked sleepily, rubbing his cheek against your breast as you held him in your arms. You looked out at the dark sky, giggling a little.

"We should get some sleep." you said and Hyunjin whined, squeezing your other breast with his hand.

"I can't... I need to feed the horses... And take Rina out for a walk and..." his voice got more and more quiet before you realized he was fast asleep. A smile spread on your lips as you relaxed and let yourself fall asleep too.

You woke up a few hours later, the sun blazing through the curtains and you groaned, covering your face. Your entire body was sore, last night you had used some muscles that were dormant for years, but the most sore place was between your legs. When you remembered everything you did with Hyunjin last night and how many times he had moaned into your ear about fucking a baby into you, your mind went hazy and you felt that wave of hotness rise inside you.

You noticed you were alone in the bed, tangled in his sheets and the smell of him and you rolled over to his side after noticing another little bouquet of flowers. You smiled to yourself and willed yourself to get up and take a shower even though your legs were in pain too.

By the time you came down, Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen but you found some coffee and toast, deciding to make yourself some breakfast. You sat at the counter and ate while listening to some music. Hyunjin suddenly walked in from the back door.

"Oh bunny! Good morning." he smirked as he came closer to you and you could see the sweat on his body glistening, making you feel aroused instantly at the sight and smell of him.

"Morning." your voice came out breathy as he wrapped his arm around you and kissed you.

"I was just working out back in the shed." he started and Rina ran in barking and jumping at you happily. You chuckled and cooed at her as you started petting her head. "She helped out." Hyunjin added and you giggled.

"I'm sure she did."

"Would you like to go horse riding with me today?" he asked and you let out a laugh.

"I mean, I'd love to but you tired me out last night." you said sheepishly and he cackled, making you smack his arm a few times which made Rina bark.

"Careful, you can't hit me in front of Rina." he had a smug smile on his face and you rolled your eyes, shoving him away playfully. "Come on, we used to go all the time. I missed doing everything with you, doll."

"Fine, but I'm going home first to change and say hello to my grandparents." you pointed your finger at him and he grabbed your wrist, gently kissing your fingertip before he pressed your hand on his chest.

"Come back to me soon, doll."

-

It didn't take long for you to get ready and skip back to Hyunjin's house, especially after missing him for so many years; you felt like you needed to make up for all the lost time. Hyunjin was waiting for you in the stable, preparing the horses for the ride. As soon as you walked in, he smiled at you, waving at you to come closer. Hyunjin gave you the elevator eyes, you were dressed and ready for the activity you were going to share with him this afternoon.

"God, you look so cute my bunny." he put his hands behind his back and leaned in to kiss you, making you giggle against his lips.

"You're cute." you poked his cheek and he chuckled.

"I am?" he gave you a cute face, making his dimples visible as he smiled and his eyes disappeared, turning into little slits. For emphasis he put his palms around his face as if he was presenting his cuteness to you and you could not believe that this was the same man who had you shaking under him last night.

"The cutest." you giggled and he seemed satisfied with the answer, giving you another sweet kiss.

"So, this beauty over here is Aurora." Hyunjin took your hand in his and walked closer to the horse. It let out a snorting sound, making you jolt a little and Hyunjin chuckled.

"Don't tell me you forgot how to ride." he smirked at you with a pointed look and you smacked his arm as he giggled, knowing you would react like that. Your cheeks went red despite last night and despite everything else you shared with him.

"You better be quiet." you threatened him and he wiggled his eyebrows at you.

"You weren't saying that last night."

"Hyunjin. Please. The horses don't need to listen to this." you whispered the last sentence, giving Aurora a few gentle pets.

Hyunjin laughed before nodding. "Alright, well she is yours for today. And I'm taking Midnight." he pointed to a black horse and you nodded, feeling excited because you missed things like this in the city, spending time in nature even though insects frightened you.

The two of you made your way out with your horses, Hyunjin helping you get up on Aurora and then patting your butt affectionately as you sat down. Your cheeks became rosy as he smirked at you and climbed up on Midnight. He looked so hot in that moment that you were already getting worked up despite still being sore.

You made your way towards the fields, the sun shining on you as you rode your horses and enjoyed the fresh air and the breeze. Everything that was bothering you before you came here was left in the dust your horses lifted as they ran, the past was put behind you and you could clearly see the path ahead.

The two of you made it to one of the pretty fields, letting the horses rest as you tied them aside and Hyunjin brought a blanket for the two of you to sit on. Quietly, you enjoyed the beautiful day together as you closed your eyes and let the sun's warmth kiss you while Hyunjin kept his eyes fixed on you.

"I forgot just how peaceful it is here." you sighed before looking at Hyunjin.

"But you spent most of your life here, more than in the city. You know this place like the back of your hand." his head tilted and you shrugged.

"Maybe it didn't take long for me to get used to the city."

"Then it won't be long for you to get used to being back here." he said and bit on his lip. "Come here bunny." he tapped his thigh and you chuckled, your face becoming red. "Come sit in my lap, I need you close to me." Hyunjin added and you shook your head lightly before coming closer to him and sitting in his lap. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his around your waist as he leaned in and kissed you sweetly, before gently swiping his tongue on your lower lip. You parted your lips and he kissed you sensually, like he was trying to explore every part of you and remember your taste forever.

Hyunjin leaned back suddenly and gave you a serious look as he held your hips.

"Y/n, you really are the most important person in my life. You are my best friend and my only lover. And I want you to stay here with me forever and for us to build a life together but only if you want that. I don't want you to feel like I forced you to be here in the village and made you throw away your uni degree and the career you worked so hard for. I need to know that you are absolutely sure you want this, cause I don't want you to resent me one day." Hyunjin exhaled shakily and you smiled, grabbing his face and smushing his cute cheeks.

"You're the most important person in my life too. And even without knowing you still loved me and wanted to be with me I came back here with the plan to stay. There is nothing for me there, that career was a disappointment, almost a waste of time that I could've been spending here with you. Besides, I am still young and there is time to change careers. This is my decision to stay here and if I have you too, then that's just added happiness. I would never resent you Hyunjin, because I want to build a life with you too, I want us to grow old together like my grandparents. I always imagined us like that."

"Oh bunny, you have no idea how happy that makes me." Hyunjin gave you the sweetest smile before crashing his lips against yours. The kiss was passionate and full of love, all bursting around the two of you. He kissed your neck before flipping you over and you gasped under him.

"Beloved, it's the middle of the day, other people come here. A-and the horses are right there." you nodded towards the animals who seemed interested only in the grass.

"Doll, let me just have a taste of you, please?" Hyunjin rubbed your hips, giving you the cutest pout and puppy eyes and you were weak for him. It never took too long for you to lose your panties around him which was what happened as soon as you said yes. He took off your pants and underwear, immediately diving in between your legs as he held them open, gripping at your thighs.

"My sweet bunny." Hyunjin kissed and nipped on your thighs, leaving bite marks in his wake all the way up to your core.

"Mm." he moaned the moment his plump lips touched your folds. "Baby." he whined and flatened his tongue against you, giving you a few languid licks, enjoying the taste of you before the tip of his tongue started flicking your clit. You whimpered quietly as your legs trembled, still aware that you were outside and anyone could see you.

Hyunjin however, didn't care. He was moaning into your pussy desperately as soon as he pushed his tongue in, eating you out like you were the sweetest treat ever. His nose brushed against your clit perfectly as he moved and you were still so sensitive from last night so it didn't take long for you to release your essence all over his lips and tongue as you gripped onto the blanket.

"Bunny, you taste so sweet." he whined, licking around his lips. You looked around, chuckling and quickly pulling your pants up, cringing a little at the wetness.

"Let me make you feel good too, Jinnie." you were now closer to him, your hands on his thighs.

"You don't have to do it right now, we can go back to my house and-"

"Hyune... You can't ride back with this." you smirked, cupping his bulge through his pants and he whined instanly, lifting up into your hand and grinding against it.

"Yeah, you're right." Hyunjin moaned as you kissed his jaw and neck while working to unbutton his pants and slide them down with his boxers, at least enough to pull his cock out. You moaned at the sight of him and you were so eager to have him in your mouth again after not tasting him for so long. You leaned down, gathering spit before you spit on his cock and made him gasp, lifting his hips up to you again. You gave him a few pumps as you smirked at him and Hyunjin was already falling apart. He was equally as weak for you as you were for him.

You swirled your tongue around his head, dipping it into his slit and he shook against you, his hips lifting up and his hand tangling in your hair.

"More, please more bunny." he begged desperately and you moaned around him as you slid down, taking more of his length in.

"Just like that baby, keep going." he encouraged you as you tried to relax your throat and breathe through your nose. Hyunjin whimpered when you gripped the base of his cock, bobbing your head up and down. He gripped your hair, his moans becoming high pitched so you looked up and almost came in your panties at the sight. He was completely lost in the pleasure you were giving him, his head thrown back, his neck on full display with his Adam's apple bobbing up and down every time he gulped and his veins visible. Your eyes fluttered as you moaned around him and fondled his balls with your other hand, making his hips jerk up into you which made you gag a little.

"Fuck. Taking me so well, bunny." he growled, fucking up into you slowly as he gripped your hair harder. "G-gonna cum."

"Mm." you moaned, massaging his balls and sucking him like your life depended on it as he kept fucking up into you.

"Ah! Love seeing those pretty lips around me!" Hyunjin whined loudly, snapping his hips a little harder against you before you felt him twitch and release inside you. You swallowed every last drop he gave you, overstimulating him until he was almost pushing you away.

"Fuck, bunny. You're gonna be the death of me." he said as you lifted up and wiped your lips.

"That good, hm?" you teased him with a smirk and he smirked back at you as he got dressed.

"Well, you seem to love my cum so I'm just giving you what you love, you know, thinking of your happiness." he teased and you smacked his arm, making him laugh because he loved provoking you.

"Shut up." you muttered in embarrassment and he giggled before pouting at you and coming closer to you. He gently took your chin in his hand and made you look at him.

"I love you." he said.

"I love you too." you smiled and kissed him, tasting your essence on his tongue.

"Wanna ride a little more then go back to my house?" he asked and you nodded eagerly.

"I'd love to."

-

Currently, you were sitting in Hyunjin's very big bath, waiting for him to join you as you soaped up your arms with the bubbles, playing around with them.

"Here I am!" he ran in, quickly closing the door behind him. "Had to feed Rina plus she felt neglected and deprived of my love." he added, stripping his clothes and throwing them in the hamper haphazardly.

"You trying to make me feel guilty?" you asked, blowing a bubble at him and he giggled.

"No doll, you know you're always my number one." he smirked, throwing his underwear aside and you looked away in embarrassment.

He chuckled at you and got in, sitting between your legs and you squealed as he made the water splash around you.

"Will you help me wash my back?" he looked at you sideways with a little pout and you chuckled.

"Of course, beloved." you smiled as you took a clean cloth and made it wet before you started gently washing his back. Hyunjin closed his eyes and let out a long sigh of relaxation. You enjoyed the quiet moment, gently rubbing his skin before gliding over it with your other hand, loving the feeling of his wet and soft skin against yours. You leaned in and kissed his shoulders, your breasts pressing against him and nipples grazing him. Hyunjin let out a shaky breath as you wrapped your arms around him and kept kissing his upper back and the back of his neck, catching the droplets of water with your lips.

"I'm so happy." he said and you smiled against him as he caressed your hands. "I was lonely without you, my bunny. I drowned that in work but in moments like this, when it's quiet, and especially late at night I imagined you next to me, wished you were here. And now you are."

"I'm sorry, Jinnie. I'll never leave you again." you said, brushing your lips against his neck.

"I know." he shivered and then leaned back into you as you held him and caressed his chest and stomach, your hand coming in contact with his cock that was hard again.

"Jinnie." you giggled in delight.

"I can't help it when you're touching me." he whined and you kept giggling as you wrapped your hand around him and gave him a few teasing tugs before you released him completely, making him groan.

"Love, you promised we'd go stargazing tonight." you teased.

"The stars will be there tomorrow." he smirked, turning around in the bath and making the water splash around again.

"So will we." you chuckled, running your finger on his defined jaw.

"Mm." he smirked, eyes already hooded as he leaned in and captured your lips in his. You gave in instantly, craving him as much as he craved you.

"I want to go stargazing." you said when the two of you parted for air and Hyunjin chuckled, shaking his head.

"Whatever my bunny wants. Give me a few moments to try and calm down, hm?" he said, kissing your jaw before he got up, getting out of the bath and making his way to the shower. "Join me." he reached his hand towards you and you grabbed it, getting out of the bath with his help.

The moment you shared in the shower was sweet and gentle as you helped each other wash off, playing around with the water.

"So, you like how I did the house?" Hyunjin asked as you dried off.

"I love it so much. It's artsy but cozy and warm. It still has that vintage vibe, you just made it better." you told him and he blushed, smiling cutely at you.

"I decorated it with the thought of you." he confessed, suddenly looking shy and reminding you of that little boy that almost hid behind his mother the first time he laid eyes on you.

"Hyunjin." your eyes watered instantly and you started crying.

"Bunny, don't cry." Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, shushing you and pulling you into his chest as he caressed your head.

"I'm sorry." you whimpered and he chuckled at your cute pouty face as he looked down at you.

"Move in with me. There's no need to wait." he kissed your head and you squeezed him tighter.

"Packing tomorrow." you looked up at him with a smile and he chuckled, leaning down to kiss you as he wiped your tears away.

-

It was a beautiful, clear and quiet night, just what you needed for one of your favorite activities. Stargazing was a little ritual you did together even before you started dating, when you were just friends. You'd lay near your tree and look up at the stars wondering what's in store for you and Hyunjin, and he'd be nervously gathering courage to confess to you and kiss you only to back out every time you smiled at him.

After becoming a couple, you'd spend warm evenings loving each other under the blanket of stars, hidden by the grass and flowers around you. You'd look up at the stars then and thank them.

Hyunjin brought a blanket this time like always and you laid next to each other, your bare arms touching.

"Jinnie, can I ask you something?" you turned to look at him.

"Anything." he met your eyes.

"I noticed this when I got here the first day but why did you carve only your name in the tree, under ours?"

His eyes softened before he sat up and looked at the tree.

"For when you come back, so you can add your name and we can make a new start together." he smiled and your eyes watered.

"Jinnie." you whined, sitting up and resting your forehead on his shoulder. "You're too sweet."

"Here." he gave you his pocket knife and motioned at the tree. "You can add your name now."

Hyunjin helped you out and the two of you admired your work, a new carving of your names signifying a new phase of your relationship, where both of you have grown and matured. You turned towars him, grabbing his face and smashing your lips into his as you kissed him passionately. Hyunjin returned the kiss enthusiastically, pulling you in his lap. Your hips started grinding against him instantly and he smirked into the kiss.

"Is my bunny needy for me?" Hyunjin leaned back to look at you, caressing your face and putting your hair behind your ear.

"Mm, always." you moaned quietly as his other hand grabbed at your ass, squeezing and giving you a light smack.

Hyunjin chuckled at the state of you, already unraveling and he hasn't even done anything. You bit on your lip and gripped his shoulders as you started dragging your core against his. Hyunjin's head fell back as he gripped your hips and helped you move against him, pressing you down and making you feel his growing bulge.

"What you do to me, doll." he almost growled, gripping you harder and moving his hips up into yours.

"Hyunjin." you moaned his name, your hands sliding down his chest to his abs and then to the button on his jeans as you worked to open it. He smirked into the kiss again, letting you struggle for a moment before he leaned away from your lips and helped you take off his pants. His hands slid under your dress, up until he touched your panties.

"So wet, my bunny." he looked at you lustfully, his lips parting as he touched you clit and played with it, sliding his fingers down to your folds and feeling the wetness even through the fabric.

"I need you." you whined and he chuckled.

"I need you too, bunny." he whispered and you stood up to slide your panties off as Hyunjin watched you with hazy eyes. He slid his pants and underwear down, pulling you down into his lap again. Your wet pussy pressed against his hard cock and both of you moaned as you grinded on him, getting him wet with your juices.

"Ah, doll!" Hyunjin whined, pushing his hips up into you and you lifted just a little to grab his cock and push it inside you. He groaned as you sat down on him slowly, feeling every inch of him stretching your still sore pussy.

"You okay, bunny?" Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your waist as you let out a hiss.

"Y-yes, perfect." you whimpered, gripping at his shoulders as you started circling your hips on top of him. "Oh my god." you groaned, feeling his tip brushing against something delicious deep inside you.

"Good, baby?" Hyunjin smirked, holding your hips but you knew he was close to losing control.

"Mm yes." you shut your eyes tightly as you started to bounce on him slowly and Hyunjin let out a loud moan.

"Ah, bunny! You feel so good. So perfect for me. I wanna stay inside you forever."

You clenched hard at his words, fucking on his length faster, your hips slapping against his. Hyunjin's hand gripped your dress and pushed it up before he grabbed your ass, giving it a few smacks and making you whimper and squeeze around his cock again.

"Please, Hyune, I need more, please!" you whimpered, fucking on him as hard as you could even though your thighs started burning. Hyunjin looked at you, your flushed face and your tits bouncing with your movement, his cock disappearing completely inside you. You were driving him insane.

"You want some help bunny?" he asked, gripping your hips.

"Yes, please!" you whined and Hyunjin smirked before he started snapping his hips up into you.

Both of you were a desperate mess of moans and curses, fucking into each other as if you hadn't been together all night yesterday.

"Gonna get you pregnant, my bunny. Want you to be mine forever." Hyunjin growled as you fell apart on top of him, exploding all over his cock.

"Please, Hyune, want to have your baby." you mumbled, your entire body shaking on top of him and Hyunjin growled, his eyes rolling back as he came, ropes of warm cum filling you up, your pussy milking him dry.

You held each other for a moment, trying to gather your senses as you breathed hard. Hyunjin leaned back and gave you a cute smile.

"I mean it, you know. I really want a little one running around our house. A baby that we made out of love." Hyunjin said, holding your face in his palms.

"Me too, I want it so much." your voice was shaky as you leaned in and kissed him, not missing the detail where he called his house yours.

"After last night and today it would be a surprise if you weren't already pregnant." he smiled, brushing his lips against yours.

You chuckled as your face burned. "I hope so."

Hyunjin smiled, kissing you until you became breathless. The two of you cleaned up and got dressed, lying down in each other's arms so you could actually do what you came to do here - watch the stars.

Once again, you thanked them for leading you back to your Hyunjin.

Six months later

You were drinking your morning tea, staring out the window as your free hand landed on your tummy and you let out a sigh of happiness. Hyunjin came from upstairs, all fresh from a shower and noticed you smiling to yourself, the sun illuminating your features.

"How are my girls?" Hyunjin asked as he wrapped his arms around you, his hands on your baby bump, caressing you gently as he kissed you neck and inhaled your sweet scent.

"Good actually. The tea is helping with nausea." you turned your head a little to look at his face and his eyes were filled with so much love and happiness that it made you shiver, your heart fluttering.

"What?" you chuckled as he kept looking at you with a big smile on his face.

"Have I told you how breathtaking you are, my doll?" he exhaled, nuzzling into you.

"Only every day." you giggled.

"And I will continue doing so for the rest of my life." Hyunjin kissed your cheek and you turned in his arms to give him a proper kiss, enjoying the feeling of his plump lips against yours. Your hands flew to his hair that was now black and growing out and you ran your fingers through the soft tufts.

"I have something for you." he said when the two of you broke apart.

"What is it?" you tilted your head and Hyunjin rounded the couch where Rina was cuddled up, making her raise her head and look at him. He stood in front of the stereo and pressed a few buttons before the familiar melody of Photograph started playing.

"Hyun..." your eyes watered and he skipped towards you, reaching his hand to you. You grabbed it and he pulled you into him, dancing with you, softly swaying you side to side.

"This has always been our song. The one we danced to at prom too. And now we can have our first dance at our wedding to this song as well."

"H-Hyunjin." your lips trembled as happy tears spilled from your eyes.

"I wanted to wait for a perfect moment, have this elaborate dinner and speech but I think this is the perfect moment. You and me in our house with our baby on the way and Rina with us. So I have something to ask you, bunny." Hyunjin got on one knee in front of you, taking out a little box from the pocket of his sweats and opening it up to reveal a beatiful ring.

You gasped, your heart beating fast as more tears spilled from your eyes. You knew he was going to propose to you but nothing prepared you for the tornado of feelings that were swirling inside you.

"Y/n, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"

"Yes!" you yelled almost before he ended the sentence and he chuckled happily, sliding the ring on your finger.

"I love you so much, Jinnie." you cried as he stood up and wrapped his arms around you.

"I love you more than anything, my little bunny." he kissed you, the tears of happiness sliding down his cheeks too.

"I promised you forever, didn't I?"

And there was no other way you wanted to spend forever than to be by Hyunjin's side.

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @moon-ttokki-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @schniti-is-in-the-house @hwangjoanna @sona1800 @channiesrightasscheek @justwonder113 @yvettemint @inaribu00 @httpdwaekki @possum-playground @ria-april @yn-x-them @mariahxrrera @0omillo0 @halfwinterhalfuniverse @cooldeermagazine @delulkpopstan143 @todorokiskitten @compersian @azxulskz @stayp1eceposts @minniesverse @skzdreamer13 @0325ale @j-ji-jia @shannthewriter @mhluvie @my-neurodivergent-world @hyyunjinnn @spookybuttsstuff-blog @pancake-freckle @felixsbrowniesarmystayengene @minhooofr

[tsukirecs]

Clueless: Arranged

Seungmin x fem!reader

Warnings: making out, some suggestive content MDNI

Genre: childhood/best friends to lovers, fluff

Summary: You and Seungmin were best friends since childhood - both heirs to your separate family businesses. Your parents are trying to get you married, and Seungmin for once, is absolutely losing it.

Clueless Masterlist

The problem with being in love with your best friend for over a decade is that, at some point, it becomes something like an illness. And in Seungmin’s case, it was serious. Life threatening even.

Not that he’d ever admit it. Not Kim Seungmin. He would rather perish than confess to being hopelessly (pathetically) irrevocably in love with you. 

You, his childhood best friend and the only person who found his savage insults... cute. 

Right now, Seungmin was suffering in silence as your parents casually tried to set you up with some budding businessman (budding on his family business most likely). Which, to be fair, was just another day in the life of the elite.

But Jeongin - bless his meddling little soul - clocks Seungmin’s silent meltdown from a mile away. It’s a random Thursday night, and you were over at Seungmin’s place (so was Jeongin), sprawled on his leather couch in a tight little skirt that’s riding up just enough to make Seungmin’s left eye twitch. You were ranting about your mom’s latest matchmaking plot, oblivious to the way Seungmin’s gripping his whiskey glass.

---

Jeongin: 🚨 CODE RED 🚨

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN’S GIRL IS GETTING MARRIED.

Jeongin: HE’S NOT OKAY BUT HE WON’T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE’S A PSYCHOPATH.

Jisung: LMAOOOO STOIC KING IS MALFUNCTIONING?? SEND PICS I NEED PROOF 

Chan: WHAT?

Changbin: EXCUSE ME??

Hyunjin: Rich people problems.

Hyunjin: Seungminnie, blink twice if you're in distress, babe.

Felix: Oh no, Seungmin!

Minho: Oh, this is delicious. Seungmin’s been eye-fucking her since the dawn of time and now he’s gonna let her waltz off with some crusty businessman? Pathetic.

Felix: Guys be nice, he’s probably crying into his pretentious alcohol rn

Seungmin: I'm literally right here. Shut the fuck up. 

Jeongin: BRO. You’re not fooling anyone, you look like you’re gonna hurl. 

Jeongin: SHE'S ABOUT TO BE DEALT OFF TO SOMEONE.

Changbin: WE CAN’T LOSE HER TO RANDOM BILLIONAIRE DUDE!

Jisung: SEUNGMIN CONFESS ALREADY OR I’M TELLING HER YOU JERKED OFF TO HER INSTA PICS  

Seungmin: I will end you.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, ew

Felix: OMG

Minho: Do it, Jisung. I’ll pay you.  

Changbin: I’ll hold him down. CONFESS OR PERISH  

Felix: Guys come on

Seungmin: I’m leaving this chat.  

Chan: NO YOU’RE NOT. WE’RE STAGING AN INTERVENTION. YOU’RE CONFESSING

Hyunjin: We will literally kidnap her from the altar if we have to.

Seungmin: Oh my God. Stop.

---

Seungmin's head was pounding. His heart was pounding harder. His entire existence was pounding with some kind of helpless rage, watching the love of his life get arranged-marriaged off.

---

Meanwhile, you were sipping on your iced americano, watching him.

“What’s up with you?” you asked, eyeing him. “You’ve been weirder than usual tonight.”

“Nothing,” he muttered, voice tight. “Just tired.”

“Bullshit,” you teased, shifting closer. You’re in his space now, close enough that he can smell your sweet perfume. “You’re hiding something. Spill it, Minnie.”

He clenched his jaw so hard. He’s Kim Seungmin - he’d rather skinny-dip in lava than admit he’s been fantasizing about pinning you down and kissing you senseless.

“I said it’s nothing,” he snapped, but his voice cracked just enough to betray him. His eyes flicked to your lips for a split second before he caught himself and looked away, cursing internally.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“Fine, be a grumpy asshole. I’ll just go flirt with my mystery fiancé then. Maybe he’s hotter than you.” you said with a shrug. 

Seungmin’s eye twitched again. He wanted to say something clever but instead, he just scoffed, turning to grab a glass of water he doesn’t even want.

“Do whatever you want.” he dismissed you, and you shrugged again, oblivious to the war raging inside him.

You sauntered out of the living room, hips swaying in a way that was absolutely going to haunt his dreams tonight. The second you were gone, he slammed the glass down, dragging a hand through his hair and muttering, “Fuck.”

Jeongin, who had been eavesdropping like the little gremlin he was (from the study), poked his head in. 

“Bro, you’re so screwed. Should I tell the others you chickened out?” he asked, and Seungmin grabbed a cushion and hurled it at him.

“Get out.”

---

Hyunjin: SEUNGMIN YOU EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED GREMLIN, GET UP AND GO CLAIM YOUR WOMAN BEFORE SHE'S DEALT OFF LIKE A STOCK OPTION.

Changbin: Oh Lord

Chan: Guys, focus. We need a plan.

Chan: Preferably something that won't get us  arrested, I am getting married in another month.

Hyunjin: Seduction arc.

Minho: We need to elevate the sexual tension. 

Jisung: Let's lock them in his penthouse. Followed by the fan favourite - striptease.

Hyunjin: With mood lighting.

Felix: One bed with silk sheets.

Jeongin: I'm here, I can lock them in. 

Seungmin: I told you to fuck off, Jeongin! And I’m blocking all of you.

Seungmin was already one minor inconvenience away from a full blown breakdown when you asked him to go for midnight boba the next day. It was kind of your thing - you and Seungmin, sipping bubble tea, making jokes only you two would laugh at - yeah, that was your thing. 

Now you were sitting on the hood of his car, under the soft glow of the streetlights, while the cool night breeze played with your hair. 

“I swear to God. I’m thinking of running away and joining a cult. I'm terrified of meeting this ‘perfect match’. Mom’s taste in men for me is tragic.”

Seungmin snorted, but it was a strained sound, like he was trying to laugh but also choking on his own soul. 

“Sounds like a real catch,” he deadpanned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Inside, though, his brain was frying. Who the fuck is this guy? His fingers twitched against his thigh, itching to do something. Anything, to save you. 

“Seriously, Min, why can’t I just marry you? We’d be perfect. You’re hot. I love the broody vibe. Plus, you’d never bore me to death.” you said all of a sudden, catching him completely off guard. 

Seungmin’s heart did a full-on somersault, and for a split second, his mask slipped. Eyes widened, lips parting like he’s about to say something stupid. 

But then he caught himself, muttering, “Yeah, right. You’d drive me up the wall in a week.”

“Rude,” You said, shifting slightly, your skirt hiking up just enough to show a sliver of thigh, and the way you’m were sipping your drink - lips wrapped around the straw, eyes half-closed in bliss - was straight-up torture for the poor man.

He leaned against his car next to you, clutching his own boba, trying so hard not to stare. But he was failing. Miserably so.

His eyes keep darting to you. Your lips, your hair, the way your blouse clung to your curves in the moonlight - and his heart hammered so loud he was convinced you could hear it. 

Get it together, Seungmin. She’s your best friend. Stop being a creep.

“God, this is so good,” you moaned, sucking down another tapioca pearl with an exaggerated slurp.

He tried to play it cool, nodding like he’s not internally combusting. He took a sip of his own drink, but in his distracted state (too busy watching your lips around that damn straw), he sucked in a cluster of tapioca pearls that shot down his throat. More likely down the wrong pipe, because suddenly he was choking. Full-on hacking like he’s about to cough up a lung.

“Shit! Min, you okay?!” You dropped your drink and started slapping his back, hard enough that he stumbled forward. When that didn’t work, you whacked the top of his head.

“Spit it out, you idiot!” And he did. 

He gasped in a breath, eyes watering, face red, and slumped against the car, mortified. No one said anything for a moment.

“I’m..*cough*...fine,” he wheezed, but he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. 

You hovered over him, one hand on his shoulder, the other so close to his face like you wanted to cup his cheek.

“You’re such a dork,” you laughed finally, ruffling his hair.

“Shut up,” he muttered, voice hoarse, shoving your hand away. But his ears were burning, and he was pretty sure his dignity was lying in a puddle among the boba. 

---

Seungmin: I just choked to death in front of her. Kill me.

Hyunjin: Choked on your emotions or boba?

Jisung: LMAOOOOOO YOU WHAT??

Changbin: Bro you’re supposed to SEDUCE her not ASPHYXIATE yourself

Minho: Ok, so you are running for the 'most embarrassing' contest I see.

Felix: Oh nooo Min are you okay?? I hope she didn't laugh at you. 

Seungmin: Yes she laughed. This is so embarrassing. 

Hyunjin: This is not the sexy bad boy vibe you need here. Step it up, loser. 

Jeongin: Still no confession. 

Chan: Seungmin, did you choke on purpose to avoid confessing?

Seungmin: I hate all of you.

It was Friday morning, and Seungmin was still recovering from the boba incident - both physically and emotionally (his ego was in tatters). He was sprawled on his couch, scrolling through his phone, when it rang.

His mom. Seungmin froze, staring at the screen like it was a live grenade. If there was anyone Seungmin was scared of, it was his mom.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, voice flat, bracing himself.

“Seungmin-ah,” his mother’s calm voice flowed through the speaker, terrifying him further. “Come home this weekend. There’s something important we need to discuss.”

Seungmin’s soul left his body.

“What… kind of important?” he asked, his voice suspiciously higher than usual.

“You’ll find out when you get here,” she replied cryptically.

“Is it… bad?”

“Not at all.”

“Then why do you sound like I’m about to be disowned?”

“Seungmin, just come home. And bring a nice shirt.”

“…Can I get a hint?”

“No.”

The line went dead. No explanation, no elaboration. Seungmin stared at his phone, heart rate spiking. He was lowkey terrified, imagining everything from a surprise wedding to his parents selling him off to some shady business deal.

He tossed his phone onto the couch and dragged a hand down his face, muttering, “What the fuck is she planning?”

---

Seungmin: My mom just called. Wants me home this weekend for “something important.” Won’t say what. I’m stressed.

Jisung: OH SHIT. YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!

Changbin: BRO THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. CONFESS TO Y/N BEFORE YOU GET DRAGGED OFF TO THE ALTAR 

Minho: Wow plot twist

Felix: Min don’t panic!! But you have to talk to Y/N. Make a move before it's too late!

Seungmin: She said “bring a nice shirt.” That’s not a family thing. That’s a trap. 

Hyunjin: “Nice shirt” = you’re meeting your future in-laws. Or future wife. Or both. 

Jeongin: LMAO

Chan: Seungmin, you HAVE to talk to Y/N before this weekend. What if you're engaged by Monday??  

Seungmin: I’m not confessing shit.  

Jisung: COWARD ALERT. 

Minho: I volunteer to tie him up and drag him to her place. Who’s in?  

Changbin: ME. I’ll bench press him into submission  

Felix: Guys stop he’s having a crisis! 

Seungmin: I’m fine.  

Jeongin: “I’m fine” says the man who’s about to puke from anxiety  

Hyunjin: Imagine Seungmin in a tux, choking on his vows like he choked on boba  

Jisung: 🤣🤣

Seungmin: I hate you all.  

Chan: CONFESS OR WE’RE CALLING YOUR MOM AND TELLING HER YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH Y/N  

Minho: Do it. Do it. DO IT. 

---

Seungmin muted the chat again, his pulse racing with pure, unfiltered anxiety. Was he about to be forcefully married off to some chaebol heiress? 

Seungmin pulled into the driveway of his parents’ sprawling estate on Saturday morning, dressed impeccably, ready for battle. Or at least whatever cryptic nonsense his mom was about to throw at him. The second he stepped through the door, though, he knew he was screwed.

His mom was waiting in the foyer, arms crossed, that smug look plastered across her face (the one she got when she had already won and he didn’t even know the game).

It was terrifying, as her eyes flicked over his outfit, and she nodded approvingly.

“Good to see you, son,” she said, lips twitching. “Nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” he replied, voice flat. “So what’s this ‘important’ thing? Can you just tell me now?”

She tilted her head, smirking wider. “You’ll see. Be patient.”

“Mom,” he pressed, leaning against the wall with forced nonchalance, “just give me a hint. I’m not in the mood for surprises.”

“Oh, you’ll love this one, darling,” she said, her tone dripping with glee.

Then she turned on her heel and walked off, leaving him standing there, palms clammy and heart racing. He dragged a hand through his hair, and sighed. 

The day dragged on with more of the same. His dad was no help either, just chuckling into his coffee. Seungmin’s stoic mask was slipping; he was pacing the living room, imagining every worst-case scenario.

Then, his mom dropped the bomb out of nowhere. She caught him in the kitchen as he was grabbing a glass of water and said, “You’ve got a lunch meeting in an hour. It’s someone important, and I want you to make a good impression. The car's waiting.”

His blood ran cold. “A meeting? With who?”

“You’ll see,” she replied, patting his cheek like he’s five years old. “Now, get going. And smile, Seungmin. You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

---

Seungmin: I AM IN HELL.

Hyunjin: SHE DID THE ‘SMUG MOM’ FACE, DIDN’T SHE?

Seungmin: She’s setting me up. Lunch with “someone important.”

Jisung: HOLY SHIT IT’S HAPPENING!! ARRANGED MARRIAGE ARC UNLOCKED  

Changbin: BRO

Hyunjin: I bet it's Y/N, and his mom's been  planning this since they were fetuses  

Felix: Omg omg omgggg!! I really hope that's it!

Seungmin: I’m gonna throw up. 

Changbin: This is worse than Squid Games.

Hyunjin: LMAO 

Jeongin: Told you this weekend was gonna be wild. You should’ve confessed yesterday, dumbass  

Chan: Seungmin if it IS Y/N you HAVE to say something tonight. This is your shot  

Seungmin: I can’t confess if I’m dead from anxiety first  

Jisung: I can't wait for your wedding bro, it's gonna be an anxiety fest

Minho: I’ll officiate. “Do you take this choking hazard to be your husband?” 

Changbin: CONFESS OR WE’RE CRASHING THE DINNER WITH A BULLHORN 

Felix: It'll be ok, Min! Just be yourself ok? 

Felix: Ok, maybe not. But you know what I mean

Seungmin: Oh my God. 

---

He tossed his phone onto the bed, pacing again. His hands were trembling, his throat was dry, and he kept adjusting his shirt like it was strangling him. He was terrified because he knew this wasn't random. 

His mom was too calculated, too pleased with herself. But what if he was wrong? What if it wasn't  not you? He’d rather die than sit through that.

---

Meanwhile, on your side of the world:

You stood in front of the mirror, curling your hair with unnecessary aggression. Your parents had refused to tell you who this “perfect match” was.

“Someone you already know,” your mom had said. “Someone who will fit perfectly with our family.”

“What is this, Bridgerton?” you’d groaned.

But here you were, putting on a sexy black dress, and mentally preparing to reject another soulless rich heir. 

---

You: I’M GOING TO THROW UP.

Jennie: Who even is this guy??

Maddie: I'll be there. If he pulls some weird shit, I’m  dragging you out.

You: What if he’s mean? Or boring. Or

Jennie: The question is, what if he’s hot?

You: What 

Maddie: Babes, the actual real question is, what if he’s Seungmin?

You: Shut up.

---

Jeongin: RADIO SILENCE FROM Y/N’S SIDE.

Jeongin: I tried texting her and calling her, but nothing

Seungmin: I AM LITERALLY HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, listen to me. If it's her, I want you to go and kiss the fuck out of her. Like don't think. 

Jisung: SEUNGMIN, listen to Hyunjin for once. 

Felix: No but imagine walking into the restaurant and seeing her waiting for you? 

Changbin: I would actually scream.

Minho: This has some scope. 

Chan: Seungmin, just confess.

Seungmin: I wanna die

---

Ten minutes later:

Seungmin: I’m in the car.

Jeongin: WE’RE FOLLOWING YOU IN A SEPARATE UBER.

Seungmin: STOP.

Hyunjin: WE’RE HIDING IN THE BUSHES OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT.

Jisung: I’M GOING TO LIVESTREAM THIS.

Meanwhile, you were already at the restaurant, sipping on a glass of wine, nervously tapping your heel against the floor.

“Your guest is arriving, Miss,” the waiter said politely, and you turned toward the entrance. 

You nearly dropped your glass when Kim Seungmin, your best friend, your emotional support human, your secret crush for YEARS, walked through the door in a white suit, holding a bouquet of white tulips, looking equally shocked. 

Your heart stopped.

---

From the bushes:

Jeongin: OH MY GOD.

Jeongin: IT’S HER.

Minho: IS HE GOING TO PASS OUT?

Hyunjin: GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER SEUNGMIN! I THINK WE NEED AN AMBULANCE

Jisung: OMG IT'S LITERALLY HER. 

Felix: KISS HER ON THE MOUTH. 

Changbin: I'm calling the ambulance just in case, because I don't think he's breathing. 

---

Seungmin froze in place. You stared at him, eyes widening, and he stared back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

Your lips parted. “Seungmin...?”

His voice cracked. “Y/N.”

---

Seungmin was genuinely questioning reality at this point. Was this... real? Were you actually here, in front of him, looking unfairly beautiful in that very dress that always drove him insane - staring at him with those eyes that had been haunting his dreams since you both were sixteen?

(He was absolutely clueless about the fact that Jeongin, Hyunjin and Jisung were huddled behind a decorative plant, shoving each other to get a better view through the window. He didn't think for a minute that they were actually serious.)

---

Jeongin: OH MY GOD THEY’RE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER.

Hyunjin: SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING.

Jisung: I'M LITERALLY ABOUT TO THROW A BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW.

Chan: Jisung, we don't wanna get arrested, mate. 

Felix: NO ONE MOVE. 

Minho: This is so stressful. 

---

He barely had time to brace himself before you slammed into him, arms wrapping around his neck, hugging him so tight you were half-convinced you'd fuse into one person. 

Seungmin, for once in his life, didn’t hesitate. He dropped the bouquet as his arms snaked around you, pulling you flush against him. The restaurant faded away and it’s just you two, chest-to-chest, hearts hammering in sync.

---

Jeongin: SHE’S HUGGING HIM. SHE LITERALLY FLEW INTO HIS ARMS.

Changbin: Oh God

Jisung: I'M ACTUALLY CRYING. OUR PUPPY. 

Hyunjin: HE’S HUGGING HER BACK. FULL BODY CONTACT. CHEST TO CHEST.

Felix: I'm so happy 😭

Minho: Huh

---

Seungmin buried his face in your hair, and said, “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

You pulled back just enough to look at him, eyes wide, lips twitching into a grin.

“So you finally admit it?”

He huffed a laugh, but it’s shaky, raw, like he’s spilling his soul and doesn’t know how to stop.

“I’ve wanted to for the past ten years. Couldn’t figure out how to say it.” His grip tightened on your waist, eyes dark. “Better late than never, right?”

You didn’t even dignify that with a response. You just grabbed his face, thumbs brushing those stupidly sharp cheekbones before kissed him like the world’s ending.

---

Hyunjin: OH MY GOD.

Hyunjin: THEY’RE KISSING.

Jisung: OH FUCK. NOISES.

Felix: OH MY MINNIE 😭😭😭😭

Changbin: Congratulations bro

Minho: I'm actually so proud of him. 

Chan: Stop watching them like creeps and get back here. 

Chan: JISUNG DON'T TAKE A PICTURE YOU ASS! 

---

It’s messy and chaotic - all teeth and tongue and pent-up tension exploding in one glorious, unhinged moment. His hands slid down to your hips, pulling you impossibly closer, and he groaned into your mouth. You were practically climbing him at this point, and he’s matching your energy, kissing you back like he’s starving.

The kiss broke with a gasp, both of you panting, foreheads pressed together. You smirked, breathless.

“I never wanna stop. I wanna do this forever!” You mumbled against his lips. 

Seungmin made a sound that sounded so much like a growl. And dived back in, nipping at your bottom lip just to hear you squeak. It’s sloppy, ridiculous, and so stupidly hot. And you both hold on to each other like nothing else mattered in the world. 

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN FINALLY WON

Hyunjin: I always knew he would win

Felix: THE SHIP HAS SAILED.

Changbin: So that's all of us. 

Minho: But also, are they just gonna keep making out in front of everyone?

Jisung: Bro, let him cook.

Chan: We should probably leave coz the security is looking at you guys now. 

Jisung: Oh fuck

Jeongin: Channie hyung

Chan: Ok bye

Hyunjin: COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD! 

An hour later:

Seungmin: You stupid fucks got arrested?! 

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonmoth @pixie-felix @sailor--sun @chancloud8 @captainchrisstan @hansmic @emilyywhyy @inlovewithstraykids @my-neurodivergent-world @nightmarenyxx @channie4lifeee143127 @lezleeferguson-120 @hanadulsetaad @hyunnjynn

[tsukirecs]

Clueless: Arranged

Seungmin x fem!reader

Warnings: making out, some suggestive content MDNI

Genre: childhood/best friends to lovers, fluff

Summary: You and Seungmin were best friends since childhood - both heirs to your separate family businesses. Your parents are trying to get you married, and Seungmin for once, is absolutely losing it.

Clueless Masterlist

The problem with being in love with your best friend for over a decade is that, at some point, it becomes something like an illness. And in Seungmin’s case, it was serious. Life threatening even.

Not that he’d ever admit it. Not Kim Seungmin. He would rather perish than confess to being hopelessly (pathetically) irrevocably in love with you. 

You, his childhood best friend and the only person who found his savage insults... cute. 

Right now, Seungmin was suffering in silence as your parents casually tried to set you up with some budding businessman (budding on his family business most likely). Which, to be fair, was just another day in the life of the elite.

But Jeongin - bless his meddling little soul - clocks Seungmin’s silent meltdown from a mile away. It’s a random Thursday night, and you were over at Seungmin’s place (so was Jeongin), sprawled on his leather couch in a tight little skirt that’s riding up just enough to make Seungmin’s left eye twitch. You were ranting about your mom’s latest matchmaking plot, oblivious to the way Seungmin’s gripping his whiskey glass.

---

Jeongin: 🚨 CODE RED 🚨

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN’S GIRL IS GETTING MARRIED.

Jeongin: HE’S NOT OKAY BUT HE WON’T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE HE’S A PSYCHOPATH.

Jisung: LMAOOOO STOIC KING IS MALFUNCTIONING?? SEND PICS I NEED PROOF 

Chan: WHAT?

Changbin: EXCUSE ME??

Hyunjin: Rich people problems.

Hyunjin: Seungminnie, blink twice if you're in distress, babe.

Felix: Oh no, Seungmin!

Minho: Oh, this is delicious. Seungmin’s been eye-fucking her since the dawn of time and now he’s gonna let her waltz off with some crusty businessman? Pathetic.

Felix: Guys be nice, he’s probably crying into his pretentious alcohol rn

Seungmin: I'm literally right here. Shut the fuck up. 

Jeongin: BRO. You’re not fooling anyone, you look like you’re gonna hurl. 

Jeongin: SHE'S ABOUT TO BE DEALT OFF TO SOMEONE.

Changbin: WE CAN’T LOSE HER TO RANDOM BILLIONAIRE DUDE!

Jisung: SEUNGMIN CONFESS ALREADY OR I’M TELLING HER YOU JERKED OFF TO HER INSTA PICS  

Seungmin: I will end you.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, ew

Felix: OMG

Minho: Do it, Jisung. I’ll pay you.  

Changbin: I’ll hold him down. CONFESS OR PERISH  

Felix: Guys come on

Seungmin: I’m leaving this chat.  

Chan: NO YOU’RE NOT. WE’RE STAGING AN INTERVENTION. YOU’RE CONFESSING

Hyunjin: We will literally kidnap her from the altar if we have to.

Seungmin: Oh my God. Stop.

---

Seungmin's head was pounding. His heart was pounding harder. His entire existence was pounding with some kind of helpless rage, watching the love of his life get arranged-marriaged off.

---

Meanwhile, you were sipping on your iced americano, watching him.

“What’s up with you?” you asked, eyeing him. “You’ve been weirder than usual tonight.”

“Nothing,” he muttered, voice tight. “Just tired.”

“Bullshit,” you teased, shifting closer. You’re in his space now, close enough that he can smell your sweet perfume. “You’re hiding something. Spill it, Minnie.”

He clenched his jaw so hard. He’s Kim Seungmin - he’d rather skinny-dip in lava than admit he’s been fantasizing about pinning you down and kissing you senseless.

“I said it’s nothing,” he snapped, but his voice cracked just enough to betray him. His eyes flicked to your lips for a split second before he caught himself and looked away, cursing internally.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“Fine, be a grumpy asshole. I’ll just go flirt with my mystery fiancé then. Maybe he’s hotter than you.” you said with a shrug. 

Seungmin’s eye twitched again. He wanted to say something clever but instead, he just scoffed, turning to grab a glass of water he doesn’t even want.

“Do whatever you want.” he dismissed you, and you shrugged again, oblivious to the war raging inside him.

You sauntered out of the living room, hips swaying in a way that was absolutely going to haunt his dreams tonight. The second you were gone, he slammed the glass down, dragging a hand through his hair and muttering, “Fuck.”

Jeongin, who had been eavesdropping like the little gremlin he was (from the study), poked his head in. 

“Bro, you’re so screwed. Should I tell the others you chickened out?” he asked, and Seungmin grabbed a cushion and hurled it at him.

“Get out.”

---

Hyunjin: SEUNGMIN YOU EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED GREMLIN, GET UP AND GO CLAIM YOUR WOMAN BEFORE SHE'S DEALT OFF LIKE A STOCK OPTION.

Changbin: Oh Lord

Chan: Guys, focus. We need a plan.

Chan: Preferably something that won't get us  arrested, I am getting married in another month.

Hyunjin: Seduction arc.

Minho: We need to elevate the sexual tension. 

Jisung: Let's lock them in his penthouse. Followed by the fan favourite - striptease.

Hyunjin: With mood lighting.

Felix: One bed with silk sheets.

Jeongin: I'm here, I can lock them in. 

Seungmin: I told you to fuck off, Jeongin! And I’m blocking all of you.

Seungmin was already one minor inconvenience away from a full blown breakdown when you asked him to go for midnight boba the next day. It was kind of your thing - you and Seungmin, sipping bubble tea, making jokes only you two would laugh at - yeah, that was your thing. 

Now you were sitting on the hood of his car, under the soft glow of the streetlights, while the cool night breeze played with your hair. 

“I swear to God. I’m thinking of running away and joining a cult. I'm terrified of meeting this ‘perfect match’. Mom’s taste in men for me is tragic.”

Seungmin snorted, but it was a strained sound, like he was trying to laugh but also choking on his own soul. 

“Sounds like a real catch,” he deadpanned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Inside, though, his brain was frying. Who the fuck is this guy? His fingers twitched against his thigh, itching to do something. Anything, to save you. 

“Seriously, Min, why can’t I just marry you? We’d be perfect. You’re hot. I love the broody vibe. Plus, you’d never bore me to death.” you said all of a sudden, catching him completely off guard. 

Seungmin’s heart did a full-on somersault, and for a split second, his mask slipped. Eyes widened, lips parting like he’s about to say something stupid. 

But then he caught himself, muttering, “Yeah, right. You’d drive me up the wall in a week.”

“Rude,” You said, shifting slightly, your skirt hiking up just enough to show a sliver of thigh, and the way you’m were sipping your drink - lips wrapped around the straw, eyes half-closed in bliss - was straight-up torture for the poor man.

He leaned against his car next to you, clutching his own boba, trying so hard not to stare. But he was failing. Miserably so.

His eyes keep darting to you. Your lips, your hair, the way your blouse clung to your curves in the moonlight - and his heart hammered so loud he was convinced you could hear it. 

Get it together, Seungmin. She’s your best friend. Stop being a creep.

“God, this is so good,” you moaned, sucking down another tapioca pearl with an exaggerated slurp.

He tried to play it cool, nodding like he’s not internally combusting. He took a sip of his own drink, but in his distracted state (too busy watching your lips around that damn straw), he sucked in a cluster of tapioca pearls that shot down his throat. More likely down the wrong pipe, because suddenly he was choking. Full-on hacking like he’s about to cough up a lung.

“Shit! Min, you okay?!” You dropped your drink and started slapping his back, hard enough that he stumbled forward. When that didn’t work, you whacked the top of his head.

“Spit it out, you idiot!” And he did. 

He gasped in a breath, eyes watering, face red, and slumped against the car, mortified. No one said anything for a moment.

“I’m..*cough*...fine,” he wheezed, but he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. 

You hovered over him, one hand on his shoulder, the other so close to his face like you wanted to cup his cheek.

“You’re such a dork,” you laughed finally, ruffling his hair.

“Shut up,” he muttered, voice hoarse, shoving your hand away. But his ears were burning, and he was pretty sure his dignity was lying in a puddle among the boba. 

---

Seungmin: I just choked to death in front of her. Kill me.

Hyunjin: Choked on your emotions or boba?

Jisung: LMAOOOOOO YOU WHAT??

Changbin: Bro you’re supposed to SEDUCE her not ASPHYXIATE yourself

Minho: Ok, so you are running for the 'most embarrassing' contest I see.

Felix: Oh nooo Min are you okay?? I hope she didn't laugh at you. 

Seungmin: Yes she laughed. This is so embarrassing. 

Hyunjin: This is not the sexy bad boy vibe you need here. Step it up, loser. 

Jeongin: Still no confession. 

Chan: Seungmin, did you choke on purpose to avoid confessing?

Seungmin: I hate all of you.

It was Friday morning, and Seungmin was still recovering from the boba incident - both physically and emotionally (his ego was in tatters). He was sprawled on his couch, scrolling through his phone, when it rang.

His mom. Seungmin froze, staring at the screen like it was a live grenade. If there was anyone Seungmin was scared of, it was his mom.

“Hi, Mom,” he said, voice flat, bracing himself.

“Seungmin-ah,” his mother’s calm voice flowed through the speaker, terrifying him further. “Come home this weekend. There’s something important we need to discuss.”

Seungmin’s soul left his body.

“What… kind of important?” he asked, his voice suspiciously higher than usual.

“You’ll find out when you get here,” she replied cryptically.

“Is it… bad?”

“Not at all.”

“Then why do you sound like I’m about to be disowned?”

“Seungmin, just come home. And bring a nice shirt.”

“…Can I get a hint?”

“No.”

The line went dead. No explanation, no elaboration. Seungmin stared at his phone, heart rate spiking. He was lowkey terrified, imagining everything from a surprise wedding to his parents selling him off to some shady business deal.

He tossed his phone onto the couch and dragged a hand down his face, muttering, “What the fuck is she planning?”

---

Seungmin: My mom just called. Wants me home this weekend for “something important.” Won’t say what. I’m stressed.

Jisung: OH SHIT. YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!

Changbin: BRO THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. CONFESS TO Y/N BEFORE YOU GET DRAGGED OFF TO THE ALTAR 

Minho: Wow plot twist

Felix: Min don’t panic!! But you have to talk to Y/N. Make a move before it's too late!

Seungmin: She said “bring a nice shirt.” That’s not a family thing. That’s a trap. 

Hyunjin: “Nice shirt” = you’re meeting your future in-laws. Or future wife. Or both. 

Jeongin: LMAO

Chan: Seungmin, you HAVE to talk to Y/N before this weekend. What if you're engaged by Monday??  

Seungmin: I’m not confessing shit.  

Jisung: COWARD ALERT. 

Minho: I volunteer to tie him up and drag him to her place. Who’s in?  

Changbin: ME. I’ll bench press him into submission  

Felix: Guys stop he’s having a crisis! 

Seungmin: I’m fine.  

Jeongin: “I’m fine” says the man who’s about to puke from anxiety  

Hyunjin: Imagine Seungmin in a tux, choking on his vows like he choked on boba  

Jisung: 🤣🤣

Seungmin: I hate you all.  

Chan: CONFESS OR WE’RE CALLING YOUR MOM AND TELLING HER YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH Y/N  

Minho: Do it. Do it. DO IT. 

---

Seungmin muted the chat again, his pulse racing with pure, unfiltered anxiety. Was he about to be forcefully married off to some chaebol heiress? 

Seungmin pulled into the driveway of his parents’ sprawling estate on Saturday morning, dressed impeccably, ready for battle. Or at least whatever cryptic nonsense his mom was about to throw at him. The second he stepped through the door, though, he knew he was screwed.

His mom was waiting in the foyer, arms crossed, that smug look plastered across her face (the one she got when she had already won and he didn’t even know the game).

It was terrifying, as her eyes flicked over his outfit, and she nodded approvingly.

“Good to see you, son,” she said, lips twitching. “Nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” he replied, voice flat. “So what’s this ‘important’ thing? Can you just tell me now?”

She tilted her head, smirking wider. “You’ll see. Be patient.”

“Mom,” he pressed, leaning against the wall with forced nonchalance, “just give me a hint. I’m not in the mood for surprises.”

“Oh, you’ll love this one, darling,” she said, her tone dripping with glee.

Then she turned on her heel and walked off, leaving him standing there, palms clammy and heart racing. He dragged a hand through his hair, and sighed. 

The day dragged on with more of the same. His dad was no help either, just chuckling into his coffee. Seungmin’s stoic mask was slipping; he was pacing the living room, imagining every worst-case scenario.

Then, his mom dropped the bomb out of nowhere. She caught him in the kitchen as he was grabbing a glass of water and said, “You’ve got a lunch meeting in an hour. It’s someone important, and I want you to make a good impression. The car's waiting.”

His blood ran cold. “A meeting? With who?”

“You’ll see,” she replied, patting his cheek like he’s five years old. “Now, get going. And smile, Seungmin. You look like you’re going to a funeral.”

---

Seungmin: I AM IN HELL.

Hyunjin: SHE DID THE ‘SMUG MOM’ FACE, DIDN’T SHE?

Seungmin: She’s setting me up. Lunch with “someone important.”

Jisung: HOLY SHIT IT’S HAPPENING!! ARRANGED MARRIAGE ARC UNLOCKED  

Changbin: BRO

Hyunjin: I bet it's Y/N, and his mom's been  planning this since they were fetuses  

Felix: Omg omg omgggg!! I really hope that's it!

Seungmin: I’m gonna throw up. 

Changbin: This is worse than Squid Games.

Hyunjin: LMAO 

Jeongin: Told you this weekend was gonna be wild. You should’ve confessed yesterday, dumbass  

Chan: Seungmin if it IS Y/N you HAVE to say something tonight. This is your shot  

Seungmin: I can’t confess if I’m dead from anxiety first  

Jisung: I can't wait for your wedding bro, it's gonna be an anxiety fest

Minho: I’ll officiate. “Do you take this choking hazard to be your husband?” 

Changbin: CONFESS OR WE’RE CRASHING THE DINNER WITH A BULLHORN 

Felix: It'll be ok, Min! Just be yourself ok? 

Felix: Ok, maybe not. But you know what I mean

Seungmin: Oh my God. 

---

He tossed his phone onto the bed, pacing again. His hands were trembling, his throat was dry, and he kept adjusting his shirt like it was strangling him. He was terrified because he knew this wasn't random. 

His mom was too calculated, too pleased with herself. But what if he was wrong? What if it wasn't  not you? He’d rather die than sit through that.

---

Meanwhile, on your side of the world:

You stood in front of the mirror, curling your hair with unnecessary aggression. Your parents had refused to tell you who this “perfect match” was.

“Someone you already know,” your mom had said. “Someone who will fit perfectly with our family.”

“What is this, Bridgerton?” you’d groaned.

But here you were, putting on a sexy black dress, and mentally preparing to reject another soulless rich heir. 

---

You: I’M GOING TO THROW UP.

Jennie: Who even is this guy??

Maddie: I'll be there. If he pulls some weird shit, I’m  dragging you out.

You: What if he’s mean? Or boring. Or

Jennie: The question is, what if he’s hot?

You: What 

Maddie: Babes, the actual real question is, what if he’s Seungmin?

You: Shut up.

---

Jeongin: RADIO SILENCE FROM Y/N’S SIDE.

Jeongin: I tried texting her and calling her, but nothing

Seungmin: I AM LITERALLY HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

Hyunjin: Seungmin, listen to me. If it's her, I want you to go and kiss the fuck out of her. Like don't think. 

Jisung: SEUNGMIN, listen to Hyunjin for once. 

Felix: No but imagine walking into the restaurant and seeing her waiting for you? 

Changbin: I would actually scream.

Minho: This has some scope. 

Chan: Seungmin, just confess.

Seungmin: I wanna die

---

Ten minutes later:

Seungmin: I’m in the car.

Jeongin: WE’RE FOLLOWING YOU IN A SEPARATE UBER.

Seungmin: STOP.

Hyunjin: WE’RE HIDING IN THE BUSHES OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT.

Jisung: I’M GOING TO LIVESTREAM THIS.

Meanwhile, you were already at the restaurant, sipping on a glass of wine, nervously tapping your heel against the floor.

“Your guest is arriving, Miss,” the waiter said politely, and you turned toward the entrance. 

You nearly dropped your glass when Kim Seungmin, your best friend, your emotional support human, your secret crush for YEARS, walked through the door in a white suit, holding a bouquet of white tulips, looking equally shocked. 

Your heart stopped.

---

From the bushes:

Jeongin: OH MY GOD.

Jeongin: IT’S HER.

Minho: IS HE GOING TO PASS OUT?

Hyunjin: GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER SEUNGMIN! I THINK WE NEED AN AMBULANCE

Jisung: OMG IT'S LITERALLY HER. 

Felix: KISS HER ON THE MOUTH. 

Changbin: I'm calling the ambulance just in case, because I don't think he's breathing. 

---

Seungmin froze in place. You stared at him, eyes widening, and he stared back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

Your lips parted. “Seungmin...?”

His voice cracked. “Y/N.”

---

Seungmin was genuinely questioning reality at this point. Was this... real? Were you actually here, in front of him, looking unfairly beautiful in that very dress that always drove him insane - staring at him with those eyes that had been haunting his dreams since you both were sixteen?

(He was absolutely clueless about the fact that Jeongin, Hyunjin and Jisung were huddled behind a decorative plant, shoving each other to get a better view through the window. He didn't think for a minute that they were actually serious.)

---

Jeongin: OH MY GOD THEY’RE JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER.

Hyunjin: SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING.

Jisung: I'M LITERALLY ABOUT TO THROW A BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW.

Chan: Jisung, we don't wanna get arrested, mate. 

Felix: NO ONE MOVE. 

Minho: This is so stressful. 

---

He barely had time to brace himself before you slammed into him, arms wrapping around his neck, hugging him so tight you were half-convinced you'd fuse into one person. 

Seungmin, for once in his life, didn’t hesitate. He dropped the bouquet as his arms snaked around you, pulling you flush against him. The restaurant faded away and it’s just you two, chest-to-chest, hearts hammering in sync.

---

Jeongin: SHE’S HUGGING HIM. SHE LITERALLY FLEW INTO HIS ARMS.

Changbin: Oh God

Jisung: I'M ACTUALLY CRYING. OUR PUPPY. 

Hyunjin: HE’S HUGGING HER BACK. FULL BODY CONTACT. CHEST TO CHEST.

Felix: I'm so happy 😭

Minho: Huh

---

Seungmin buried his face in your hair, and said, “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

You pulled back just enough to look at him, eyes wide, lips twitching into a grin.

“So you finally admit it?”

He huffed a laugh, but it’s shaky, raw, like he’s spilling his soul and doesn’t know how to stop.

“I’ve wanted to for the past ten years. Couldn’t figure out how to say it.” His grip tightened on your waist, eyes dark. “Better late than never, right?”

You didn’t even dignify that with a response. You just grabbed his face, thumbs brushing those stupidly sharp cheekbones before kissed him like the world’s ending.

---

Hyunjin: OH MY GOD.

Hyunjin: THEY’RE KISSING.

Jisung: OH FUCK. NOISES.

Felix: OH MY MINNIE 😭😭😭😭

Changbin: Congratulations bro

Minho: I'm actually so proud of him. 

Chan: Stop watching them like creeps and get back here. 

Chan: JISUNG DON'T TAKE A PICTURE YOU ASS! 

---

It’s messy and chaotic - all teeth and tongue and pent-up tension exploding in one glorious, unhinged moment. His hands slid down to your hips, pulling you impossibly closer, and he groaned into your mouth. You were practically climbing him at this point, and he’s matching your energy, kissing you back like he’s starving.

The kiss broke with a gasp, both of you panting, foreheads pressed together. You smirked, breathless.

“I never wanna stop. I wanna do this forever!” You mumbled against his lips. 

Seungmin made a sound that sounded so much like a growl. And dived back in, nipping at your bottom lip just to hear you squeak. It’s sloppy, ridiculous, and so stupidly hot. And you both hold on to each other like nothing else mattered in the world. 

Jeongin: SEUNGMIN FINALLY WON

Hyunjin: I always knew he would win

Felix: THE SHIP HAS SAILED.

Changbin: So that's all of us. 

Minho: But also, are they just gonna keep making out in front of everyone?

Jisung: Bro, let him cook.

Chan: We should probably leave coz the security is looking at you guys now. 

Jisung: Oh fuck

Jeongin: Channie hyung

Chan: Ok bye

Hyunjin: COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD! 

An hour later:

Seungmin: You stupid fucks got arrested?! 

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonmoth @pixie-felix @sailor--sun @chancloud8 @captainchrisstan @hansmic @emilyywhyy @inlovewithstraykids @my-neurodivergent-world @nightmarenyxx @channie4lifeee143127 @lezleeferguson-120 @hanadulsetaad @hyunnjynn

[tsukirecs]

wildest dreams — hwang hyunjin. （ a gaze of ashtonisment ）

masterlist. playlist.

✰ pairing : painter/artist!hyunjin x fem!reader (with she/her as pronouns)

✰ genre : strangers to lovers trope, romance, slight angst and smut.

✰ warnings : profanity, kissing, explicit sexual content, soft dom!hyunjin, protected sex, nipple/breast play, pet names, slight dirty talk, slight degrading, fingering and oral sex (f. receiving) alcohol consumption, subtle smoking, clubbing and car speeding, minors dni. lmk if i missed smth, not proofread.

✰ word count : 11.4k

✰ playlist : wildest dreams by taylor swift, falling by chase atlantic, overdrive by conan gray, and strawberries and cigarettes by troye sivan

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED. NSFW CONTENTS UNDER THE CUT. mdni.

Two people unfamiliar with each other, 

One saw the other from across the street. 

The other one takes glances at the stranger sitting on the other side of the train. 

They exchanged looks as their hands collided on a single sandwich left on the shelf in a convenience store. 

Sometimes, they sit together during the first day of classes. 

Or sharing the same nicknames being written on their cups of coffee in the café as the staff calls them. 

Maybe one of them fell asleep as their head landed on the other one’s shoulder when they were together while taking a bus ride home.

Probably taking the same shelter under a pouring rain after forgetting their umbrellas. 

It can be wearing the same shirt as they share the same elevator, getting an awkward atmosphere. 

Possibly one of them heard their favorite song from the other and complemented their music taste. 

They meet unexpectedly. 

There are a lot of ways to the questions that start with how, where, and when. Certain situations like that result in a blooming friendship or if others are lucky, a lover’s relationship perhaps. Depends on how someone delivers their actions. It can happen anytime when everyone knows that there are 24 hours a day. Mornings are filled with fresh smiles and nights are covered with hope when some people start their day during the dark. 

Weekend nights are popular, they say you can do whatever you want, have fun now and let fate does its magic. Drunk and high, cars with no roof, loud music, cigarettes, and sex, kissing strangers in the dark. The aesthetic of Friday and Saturday nights, get an extreme hangover in the morning, fall asleep at the bar, or wake up on someone’s bed, naked. It is fun but they would be on the last list of things you’d want to do. Nothing would beat up an ice cream tub and Netflix inside your apartment. Hence, leisure doesn’t always exist and preferences are not always obliged. 

His footsteps echo in a quiet part of the hall as people chatter away to the next painting. A soft pace that leads him to one of the portraits being hung on the wall. Sophisticated and fragile, with slicked-back hair, a tie, and a suit, the heels of his shoes were detectable on a marble floor. The canvas was covered with a dark color scheme yet the subject was vibrant as if it was going against its surroundings. Live flowers were taken as the muse, black represents darkness, and the white petals represent light. 

It was supposed to be simple, yet your feet didn’t want to go anywhere but there. It was so beautiful, it was perfect, and every detail was captured by the artist. A mesmerizing piece of art, his eyes never left the displays but he could feel the spell you’re under, frozen in front of a frame. He walked gently and stopped at a six feet distance, hands on his back and a smile of triumph on his face. You weren’t supposed to be there. 

“It’s enthralling, isn’t it?” He asked as your eyes fell in his direction. A handsome young man who is just around your age, so formal and captivating himself. 

“Y-yeah,” You said, tracing a few strands of your hair, behind your ear. 

It was Jeongin’s idea. That prick managed to persuade you after a week of saying no. The Charmer art exhibit is one of the famous art displays being held all over South Korea, yet the artist only relies on his pen name without showing themself to the public. It was expensive and exclusive, people consider themselves lucky if they get in. Your brother, on the other hand, said he bought tickets with the permission of his father. Despite the dislike of spending a weekend night out, he begged for you to go with him, but he’s nowhere to be found at the moment. 

“Shall I amuse you with something else?” He asked, meeting your eyes. 

He is so breathtaking. Siren eyes, a blessed creature who possesses a unique beauty, as if he’s a demi-god and the son of Aphrodite. The black suit envelopes his perfect physique. He was more captivating than the painting itself. Seeing him as if you were looking at red roses in a bathtub with small candles, tasting a fresh red wine, witnessing a runway of models, feeling the white bedsheets in a dark room, enjoying the fireworks, and listening to Chase Atlantic songs. 

“I would love to,” You answered as his smile grew a bit wider, gesturing his hand, showing the way. 

Two strangers, walking side by side in the empty hall, engrossed with every painting hung on the wall. He started a conversation as she listens diligently. There was a big hint of professionalism in his every movement, his fingers wrapped in silver rings that trace the air to indicate a certain piece. 

“The artist calls this, A Gaze of Astonishment,” He said. “The man was looking at her, planning his entire life with a random beautiful stranger he saw from across the street,” 

“Isn’t that a little odd?” You asked him as he let out a small chuckle. The painting shows a man and a woman having a distance from each other, the man was looking at her as her gaze is somewhere else. It was as if he fell in love on the spot, a random stranger made his heart beat faster. 

“People are weird sometimes, they fall in love with someone they just met, even with a random stranger,” He explained. “His gaze tells the audience how he wanted to spend his life with her, or even just for a short time, maybe wanting to know this person who suddenly amused him or create a relationship,” 

“Falling in love feels weird anyway,” You said, looking at your shoes. 

“Indeed,” He said. “Strangers can fall in love, they meet unexpectedly and spend moments at a random time. They get to know each other and talk as if they’ve known each other for years,” 

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” You asked him as he nodded gently. 

“I do,” He answered, taking a few glances to be familiar with your visuals. “And you?” 

“Maybe,” You smiled. “I wanted to believe the things I only see in movies and what I read in books,” 

“They’re real,” He said. “But only if you manage to experience such feeling,” 

“It’s rare,” You said bitterly as he let out a small laugh. “Not everyone has the same privilege in life you know?” 

“You have a perspective that sparks my interest, I wanted to know you more,” He said as you smiled at him. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment and thank you?” You chuckled, tightening your grip on your handbag, suddenly feeling an unusual sensation. “Should we have a conversation in a coffee shop or is there somewhere else you want to go, sometime?” 

“Actually, I want something unusual,” He hums, rubbing his chin to think. “Say, you want to drive out of the city?” He asked. 

“With someone you just met?” You chuckled. 

“I like taking the risk, besides, my manager and the guards will come and get me in 5 seconds,” He said, turning around to face your direction, reaching out his hand. 

“Manager and guards? How do you know一” 

“5…” He counted. 

“Hyunjin!” A man’s voice echoed in the hall, standing a few meters away with bodyguards behind him. 

“4… Miss, please make a decision now,” He smirked. 

“How can I trust you?” You asked, heart started to beat faster in panic, taking a glance at his hand and the group of men approaching. 

“3… you’ll know when you come with me,” He said. “2… it is the weekend, you can do whatever you want,” 

“You’re not going to do something stupid, are you?” You asked, finally holding his hand as he locked eyes with you. 

“1… wise choice,” He said, kissing the back of your hand as he started to run, dragging you with him. “Don’t worry, Love, you’re good.” He winked, exiting the building and leading towards the parking area. 

“Why are you running away?” You asked as Hyunjin opened the door of a black cabriolet sports car. 

“Nothing, it’s the weekend, I can do whatever I want, now hop in before we get caught,” Biting your lower lip, you heard the commotion from a distance. Hyunjin is already sitting in the driver’s seat as you stand there. Sighing at the sight of the situation, you immediately kicked yourself in, closing the door with a loud bang. “Nice,” 

“Hwang Hyunjin!” His manager, yet again, screamed his name, running towards the spot but the former had already driven away.

“Are you serious? Oh my gosh! My brother’s going to kill me if he finds out I’m running away with someone I don’t know,” You exclaimed but Hyunjin just laughed it out, hands on the steering wheel. “What?” You asked him looking in disbelief, but found yourself giggling at his bright expression. 

“You seemed pretty lonely back there, I had to take you away with me,” He smiled, eyes focused on the road as the wind swayed with your hair, feeling the cold night air. 

“You have good eyes,” You said. 

“I know, that’s why I chose you because you were standing so beautiful in that black dress,” He said, glancing at you, serving a wink. “And I believe I’m no stranger to you, you heard my name, care to tell me yours?” 

“Y/n,” You said, eyes darted on him. 

“So, Y/n, is there any place you wanted to go?” He asked with his hands to keep steering on the wheel. 

“I have no idea, but since you always amuse me, you decide,” 

“My pleasure to amuse you, even more, babe,” He winked. “It’s going to be a long way and the night is still young, why don’t we take our time?” 

“Feels like I’m doing something illegal,” You laughed. 

“It’s not illegal when you think it’s legal,” That caught you off guard and looked at him, crossing your arms, relaxing against the backrest. 

“Ya, I love the way you’re speaking to me,” 

“Then be my guest,” He shrugged but still had a smug smile on his face. 

Two people who only know each other’s names, rushing a car ride in the night was strange in the thoughts of others. But for you, it felt like freedom. 

It was an unusual thing to do, but the bright stars and moon, the clear black sky are telling you to go for it. The wind is getting colder, but that didn’t stop you from sitting at the top of the backrest, throwing your hands in the air while Hyunjin stepped on the pedal, speeding the car unlike usual. A scream of joy as your fingers spread wide, playing with the invisible friend. Hair strangled at the back, your dress flying with it as the smile on his face never faded. Despite it being so foreign, you fell in love with the concept. 

Every worry and thought suddenly vanished into thin air, the stubborn college requirements, the coziness of staying at home for the weekend, the pressure you get from your father, and the thought of Jeongin’s face if he realized you were gone. It didn’t matter to you anymore, this moment is one of the best things happening in your life. Maybe coming with Hyunjin wasn’t a bad idea, after all, a handsome young lad, inviting you to run away in the random way as possible. This was it, riding in a car with no roof and the loud music playing on his radio. Your head swayed from left to right, enjoying the half-relatable lyrics. 

The city lights flew by, cars rushed to get home, shops closed down for the day, quiet streets of the night, the loud beating of your heart, it was beautiful to get out yet still skeptical with Hyunjin. You bit your lower lip, landing back on the seat. His siren eyes darted on the road, his long black hair swayed with the wind gently, big hands and long fingers collided with the wheel, and his coat was wide open revealing the black polo inside, tie loosened while embracing the collar. This man is so handsome for the sake of your weak heart. Out of all the people in that hall, he chose you. 

“Done checking me out?” He asked, slapping you back to reality. 

“I-I wasn’t,” You scoffed as he smirked. 

“I can feel those pretty eyes of yours staring straight to my soul,” He said, making blood rush towards your cheeks. 

“Do you always do this?” You asked. 

“Do what?” 

“Driving in the middle of the night with some stranger?” 

“No, I usually go alone, but this night is different,” He said. “I thought you’d say no when I asked you to,” He paused, taking a glance in your direction. “Why did you come with me?” 

“I don’t know, maybe some man whose name I just knew was being chased by his manager,” You chuckled. “You’re Hyun.e are you?” 

“In the flesh,” He said. 

“You’re one interesting flesh,” And Hyunjin then smirked at the statement. 

“And you’re one beautiful stranger,” 

Your body faces his direction, leaning at the backrest as you enjoy the sight of him driving with the cool wind gushing by. It was mesmerizing and heavenly being so free at a time like this. Closing your eyes for being comfortable, a fresh feeling of being outdoors. You never wanted to go home, not yet, you just wanted to stay like that for a while, or maybe the whole night. It was worth it, running away with someone you just met, but it couldn’t last long.  

Not a moment later, the sight of the beach was painted outside the city. Small white waves crashed on the shore as the moonlight’s reflection swayed with the seawater. The sea breeze was way more relaxed than the city air, it sent shivers down your spine as if you were sitting on a block of ice. Hyunjin suddenly took a segue as the loud music from his radio stopped the moment he parked the car, a few meters away from the water. The lights and engine were turned off, he ran his fingers through his hair before he decided to take off his coat.

Meanwhile, you were too preoccupied with the view. The sound of waves crashing on the shore was too relaxing and soothing in the ears, it was so quiet and no people were around. Just you and Hyunjin, the stars and moon, the water and the disheveled sand. City lights were so distant and some lampposts by the trees had their wires fried. Yet, it wasn’t so dark and it wasn’t so bright. 

“It’s so beautiful here,” There was a hint of astonishment in your voice, one that Hyunjin fell in love with. He liked the idea of you admiring things at a distance, eyes that are good observers. 

“I know right?” He said, sliding his coat on your shoulders making you flinch on your seat. “It’s cold, wear it,” 

“Thanks,” You answered, trying to hide the blood rush hinting crimson red and heat in your cheeks. 

“Enjoy the view,” He smiled as he took off, breathing the fresh air of the night. You hurried to get out of the car, the sand was eating up your heels as a quiet sigh escaped from your lips. Hyunjin leaned on the bumper, rolling up his annoying sleeves just right before the elbow. Taking off your heels, they landed on your seat as you dragged yourself towards the cold water, feeling the waves. 

“This is great,” You said, as the waves tickled your feet. A small giggle was heard, it was good to feel like a little kid again playing with the waves as if it’s chasing you to the shore. Hyunjin crossed his arms, smiling at the sight of you. 

“How do you like it?” He asked from a distance. 

“A lot,” You said brightly. “Come, the water is not that cold,” 

“Nah, I’m good,” He said. “I’m just here to see it,” He added, taking a pack of cigarettes and a zippo from his pocket. Taking a single stick from the pack, he had it in between his lips trying to light it. Wrapping and hugging his coat, you took out something from your handbag, coming back to where he was. Tossing the bag to where your heels were, you took out the unlighted cigarette off of his lips. 

“You shouldn’t be smoking,” You said, leaving him dumbfounded after snatching it away, letting it end between your lips instead. “Have this in replacement,” 

“A lollipop? Seriously?” He smirked. 

“It’s better than a cigarette,” You shrugged, handing him the unwrapped candy. “It’s strawberry flavored,” 

Hyunjin looked at you in disbelief before a sigh escaped his lips, “Fine,” He said. 

“Good,” You smiled, throwing the cigarette away when suddenly he wrapped an arm on your waist, pulling you closer to him, a free hand held yours with the lollipop before crashing his lips onto yours. 

His lips were soft and plump, it was hot and intimate, and tasted like peppermint with his cherry-flavored lip balm. It was supposed to feel strange but it only sent an adrenaline rush and the loud thumping of your heart. He sucked your lower lip, biting it softly making out a soft moan from you. His arm even pulled you closer, dragging you in between his legs as he deepened the kiss. A hand on his broad shoulder, this man will swoon you over in a minute. Kissing him back was the most unexpected thing, but you can’t blame yourself, it feels so good. 

You pulled away from the kiss leaving Hyunjin smirking before taking the candy inside his mouth and hands on his trousers’ pockets. It suddenly became hot. You covered your lips, feeling the heat on your cheeks. And there it goes again, two people who were only getting to know each other, shared an intimate kiss under the moonlight. Sounds like it was rushed, with a page that only had a few words to say, and a student rushing their essay before the deadline in a few minutes.  

“That was rude,” You said. 

“You kissed me back,” He shrugged, licking the strawberry-flavored lollipop. “Shall I do it again but slowly?” He teased making your cheeks burn red. 

“No,” You hissed. 

“Fine,” He hummed. “Sit with me, Y/n.” Hesitant at the thought, you still ended up taking the space of his bumper. 

“Aren’t they looking for you?” You asked, looking at the beach. 

“Who?” He asked, holding the stick of the lollipop. “Oh, my manager?” 

“Yeah,” 

“Nah, Chan hyung is used to it, art exhibit, I stroll through the crowd, they don’t know me—just my name, then I rush out driving away when it’s time to go back to the hotel and talk about business,” He said. 

“Must be tough,” You answered. 

“You could say,” He shrugged. “I just wanted to be alone sometimes, including the fact that I paint,” 

“But you’re not alone now, I’m here,” You chuckled as he smiled. 

“I like your company,” He said. “It’s been a while since the last time I was alone with some friends, it’s mostly business, yes? I hate being under the spotlight, I tend to send Chan hyung at every event to speak on behalf of me, I just tell him this and that about certain paintings and do the business for me,” 

“Is that why you don’t show yourself to the public?” You asked, looking at him. 

“Yeah, it’s good to be away from a crowd of people,” He answered, biting and chewing the candy. “Consider yourself lucky, Y/n, you’re seeing Hyun.e in the flesh,” 

“Wow, lucky me,” You laughed as Hyunjin joined you. 

“You’re the very first person I dragged into this running away thingy,” He confessed as you took his hand to sympathize, giving him a reassuring smile. The hint of loneliness covers his eyes, it’s not foreign, he wants to enjoy life as you do, but being imprisoned in the business world. He may spend his time working on the things he loves but lack the moments with the people he cares about. Hyunjin bit the stick as you leaned onto his shoulder. “You’re sweet,” He said. 

“I’m being affectionate,” You smiled. 

“So, tell me something about you Y/n,” He answered, looking down in your direction as you sat up straight, hands on both sides for support. “Tell me interesting things about you,” 

“There’s not much to tell,” You said. 

“I’m all ears,” He reassured, patting your shoulder. 

“Well, I have a half-brother, his father is my father, he remarried a year after my mother died, I live away from them since I don’t like my adopted mother, she’s actually his mistress even before I was born, but my brother is sweet and affectionate,” You started. “I live in an apartment where he always visits me, especially when he’s free, we’re both in college, Jeongin’s in his sophomore year, while I’m in my senior year, I major in English Lit., I love to read, I like lollipops,” You chuckled in between. “I love being alone, I love staying at home, watching Netflix with a tub of ice cream or ramen, but life can be fucked up sometimes, I can’t always do that coziness,” 

“Life is already fucked up from the start, Y/n,” He said. 

“I know,” You said quietly. “It gets worse every time,” 

“That’s fine, at least you have one fine young man beside you right now, not all people can manage to have me!” He said, making you laugh. 

“You’re kind of narcissistic aren’t you?” You said that he gave his brightest smile. “But you’re telling the truth anyway,” 

“You think I’m handsome?” He asked. 

“Yeah, we can’t deny that fact, the first time I saw you back there you were shining and glimmering, you look so expensive,” You answered which made him flatter. 

“You’re way too honest,” He chuckled in response. “Say, Y/n, do you like clubbing Y/n?” 

“Clubbing?” 

Long night, blinding lights, loud music, the smell of strong alcohol and perfume mixed in the air, chattering of strangers to one-night lovers, make-outs, and half-naked bodies, you hate the bar. Everything was ecstasy for the majority, all except you. It makes you smirk when you hear moans and flirting sentences from the ones who stood beside you as they touch and grope each other. Scenes that were expected the moment you reached inside. It was suffocating. Your hands immediately held Hyunjin as he pulled you by the waist, rubbing his thumb on your curves reassuring you he’d be there. He was smiling at the crowd. 

With screams of people, high-pitched yelling, and the hype, you didn’t understand how people love parties. It wasn’t your thing anyway, but it’s not bad to go for one. The sight of two people sitting at the right side of your spot kissing vigorously, the girl’s arms wrapped around his neck as his hands massaging her breasts. Another reason for your blood rush, it was getting hot. You turned around to see Hyunjin, a hand in his pocket as he led you to the counter. The atmosphere was high, drunk, smoking cigarettes, and some couples disappeared to the toilets to have sex as the others had to leave. 

Hyunjin asked the barista for drinks as you took off his coat, it caught his attention. He loves the sight of you wearing that black dress that shows off your shoulders as it fits. It highlights your curves as it falls right above the knee length. The sleeves were gorgeous enough to cover your arms down to your wrists and your hair just comes naturally. He loves your eyes, the way you smile simply made his heart leap. You were so beautiful in his eyes, one that screams inspiration for his piece. A glass of champagne added to his luxury. 

“Why did you take it off?” He asked, taking small sips. 

“It’s a little hot in here,” You said with a nervous laugh, taking the wine glass. 

“You’re hot yourself,” He winked. 

There he is again, making you go wild when he’s just new in your life. 

“Not as much as you,” You answered as it made him melt. 

He’s used to being called like that over a thousand times but it came to an entirely different vibe from you. Only a laugh of bashfulness came out of his mouth then take another sip from his glass. You bit your lower lip playing with the rim of your glass, rubbing it with your thumb. The champagne was good, but you wanted to drink as minimally as possible, you didn’t want to end up embarrassing yourself in front of him, even when you got drunk. Taking a few sips on it, you caught a guy’s attention. Hyunjin was trying to get another glass when that stranger came to approach you. 

“Hey there beautiful,” He said, which made Hyunjin’s eyes darken the moment he heard it. Your eyes went wide, not another stranger again一he was handsome, but not as much as Hyunjin. 

“H-hey,” You managed to reply. 

“I see you seemed lonely, care to dance with me?” He asked again when Hyunjin smirked and walked in between the two of you. His tall figure made the guy look threatened, being nervous about what was going to happen, Hyunjin’s stern look made him look even hotter. “Back off dude, she’s mine,” The guy said, growling at Hyunjin with his death stare. The latter suddenly uttered a wicked laugh, loosening his tie before he pushed him away. 

“Don’t flirt with my girlfriend, you piece of shit!” Hyunjin said as you held his hand. 

“Hyunjin, no,” You said as his eyes landed on you. 

“Scared?” He asked. 

“No, just don’t get in trouble,” You answered, tightening your grip around his wrist. He smiled at the thought before giving you a soft kiss and getting back at the guy who just witnessed it. 

“What are you looking at?” He asked, with a smirk on his face. The guy’s face hardened and glared at him before leaving. 

“Fuck!” The guy hissed under his breath leaving you and Hyunjin alone. 

Another kiss again, it made you frozen on the spot and the champagne was left unattended on the counter. Hyunjin looks proud of it, but not the way you looked uncomfortable. He wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your forehead as you snuggled closer. His expensive perfume welcomed your nostrils, it was more intoxicating than the roaming scent of alcohol. It smells so good. Hyunjin suddenly leaned down on your ear, kissing it which sends shivers down your spine making your grip on his polo tighten.  

“Hmm,” You hummed. 

“Are you okay?” He whispered as you gave him a gentle nod. “You want to get out of here?” He asked again as you looked up to him. 

“You want to?” You asked back. 

“Only if you want,” He smiled, taking his glass of champagne一having it all in one gulp. 

“Not yet,” You said out of nowhere, having your drink in one gulp and then asking the bartender for another one leaving Hyunjin amused. 

“I thought you don’t like drinking?” He asked with a small laugh. 

“Not every time, dance with me Hwang,” You chuckled, gesturing the bartender to wait for a bit before dragging Hyunjin to the dancefloor. 

The night was loud, the time was being ignored, two people who feel like they’ve known each other for years, kissing as if they have labels, dancing on the dancefloor enjoying the party. You never fail to amuse him, the typical reserved girl, so sweet and innocent一who loves Netflix and a tub of ice cream, the one who hates the crowd and parties, it felt like you were different now. Hyunjin didn’t mind, he likes it, he made the right decision to drag you out and have fun. It was just you and him, enjoying the company of each other. Each beat of the music had you both dancing carelessly, the stares you shared, the smiles you’d make, he said he’s not going to catch feelings. The kiss and champagne, the strawberry-flavored lollipop, and unlightened cigarettes, this was something to remember. 

His hand suddenly met yours, interlocking your fingers as he dragged you away from the crowd and went to the parking area. Drinking every last bit of champagne from the stolen wine glasses on the counter, running away with shared laughs, Hyunjin drove away to the hotel where he’s at. It was almost one in the morning, and the swimming pool on the 22nd floor was closed. Chan was patiently waiting for him in the lobby but he was too quick enough to hide behind the hotel porter with you. The bags were big enough to remain unseen and went to get his card at the counter, holding your hand leading to the elevator. 

“Where are we going?” You asked. 

“To the swimming pool, we’ll sneak into my room later,” He winked. 

“I hope Chan won’t nag at you,” You chuckled crossing arms on your chest. 

“Oh, he will he sees me,” He laughed as you heard the elevator’s sound, indicating that you arrived. 

“It says closed,” You said seeing the sign and the stanchion posts surrounding the rectangular shape of the indoor pool. 

“Live a little, Y/n,” He said, taking them off, jumping to the blue water, splashing everything in your direction. 

“Ya!” You exclaimed as he rose, seeing you drenched. He laughed out loudly wiping his face as the water drips down from his black locks down to his eyes. You didn’t know what to feel with his visuals anymore, it made your heart go crazy. 

“The water is good Y/n, come on!” He said, motioning his hands to join him. 

“Fine,” You said, giving a teasing look before jumping on an empty spot, splashing the water all over him. “Wow, that was good!” 

“I told you,” He said as he started swimming around. 

You watched him enjoying the moment, following him in the water wasn’t probably the best idea but it was worth having so much fun even if it’s just one night. He was splashing water on you as you did the same, another heartfelt laugh, it was the way he had his hands on your waist lifting you, gently throwing you in the other direction. A delicate squeal was heard as you tried to get back at him. Diving in the pool, you pushed him behind his back, it was hard enough to knock him over but he was too quick to wrap his arms around your waist, tickling you down. 

Giggles echoed around the pool area, Hyunjin suddenly stopped as he stared at you, it was such a beautiful sight. Laughing with you felt so comfortable and different. Wiping your face out of it being soaked, you could feel Hyunjin’s hands still being wrapped around your waist. His eyes looking at you, filled with wonder and curiosity with a hint of intimacy and interest. He was smiling, not minding how stupid it is to have you being dragged away. A total stranger that suddenly caught him off guard. You were beautiful in his eyes, a precious gem that he wanted to keep for himself.  

“Is there something on my face?” You asked, suddenly feeling awkward with the situation. His fingers traced your cheek, taking the wet strands off your face, leaving them behind your ear. 

“You’re so beautiful,” He said quietly, making you blush, but before you could say something, you felt his lips planted on yours. 

It felt the same as the first time you tasted his lips, but it is now mixed with champagne and a hint of your strawberry-flavored lollipop. He pulled you closer to his body as your arms were around his neck. A hand was placed gently on your cheek, slowly caressing it as he deepened the kiss. Your lips molded against each other as he could taste the champagne with the hint of your cotton candy lip gloss. You started playing with his wet hair as he smiled between the kiss then biting your upper lip, sucking it before he could devour it again. 

It felt so good, nobody made you feel like this or this is how falling in love with a stranger looks like. Stolen glances across the hall, a small conversation that turns into running away, deep talks by the beach, sharing your first kiss—one that can melt you inside—clubbing and stolen glasses of champagne, and a kiss in the swimming pool. You wanted to hold him longer. There are a lot of unexpected things happening and it’s only midnight, you’d likely stay awake all night for the sake of this heavenly feeling. Freedom, rebellion, and dancing with a stranger, it all started because of a gaze of astonishment. 

“Hyunjin!” It was his manager’s voice as the door banged open, causing the kiss to be cut off. Hyunjin hissed under his breath as you turned away out of embarrassment, covering your blushing face. 

“Chan hyung, what the fuck!? Can’t you knock?” Hyunjin growled as Chan sighed in disbelief. 

“Go back to your room now. You have a schedule tomorrow,” He said with a stern look as his eyes landed on you then his face softened. “Hi, I’m sorry to disturb you—you look great by the way,” Chan said sheepishly, turning to Hyunjin again whose hand was on his waist and the other on his nape. “Hyunjin, get out of the pool now.” 

“Fine,” He scoffed as he went off first before reaching out his hand to help you. “I’m sorry for this, let’s talk in my room, yes? Wait for me,” He said, kissing your forehead before going to Chan. “Now what?” 

“Your next exhibit will be at 8 tomorrow morning, I thought you’d be back by 10 pm. Not 1 fucking a.m.! You’re not even answering my calls,” Chan nagged as Hyunjin sighed. 

“I thought I told you about this hyung? I spend the night going wherever I want after the exhibits, I didn’t promise to be back at 10,” Hyunjin explained as you stood there feeling guilty for taking his attention away. “What am I, a child? Oh my God, hyung!” 

“I have nothing against it! All I want is you to be mindful of the time,” Chan sighed harshly. “Look, just go into your room. I need to talk to her,” Hyunjin looked at you, flinching at the spot. He reached out his hand as you came forward. Being nervous as you are, Hyunjin gave you a reassuring look before holding your hand, squeezing them before he left for his room. A sigh escaped your lips as you turned to face Chan, his stern look faded in a few seconds. 

“Is everything alright? I think I caused him trouble with you, I should just go,” You said but Chan shook his head. 

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing,” He smiled. “I’m just glad that he’s with someone right now unlike the previous exhibits where he comes back in the morning,” He laughed half-heartedly. 

“I’m still very sorry, we might have lost track of time,” You said, rubbing your arm in disappointment. 

“It’s okay, love,” Chan insisted. “Aren’t you Jeongin’s older sister?” 

“Yeah, how did you know?” You asked being confused. 

“Hyun.e is your father’s favorite painter, I usually visit his office when he wants to negotiate with some of Hyunjin’s paintings. I happened to see your family portrait,” Chan said. “And yeah, Jeongin’s friends with us, I just didn’t know why he didn’t introduce you to us,” 

“Oh, it’s just that, I’m always busy, and Jeongin’s has a lot of free time, so…” You said, rubbing your nape. “But uhm, please tell my brother that I’m fine, I can’t tell him where I am since my phone is dead.” 

“Okay,” Chan nodded. “But please if you ever plan on staying for the night, please do not let Hyunjin out of your sight, yes?” 

“I will,” You smiled. 

“He’s in room 1320, 13th floor,” 

“Right,” 

A small bow was exchanged before you head back to the elevator down to Hyunjin’s room. The night is starting to get exhausting, including the fact that you’re fresh out from the swimming pool with water dripping from your hair and dress. A small sigh of frustration escaped from your lips as you reached the 13th floor, knocking a few times on Hyunjin’s door. He was already wearing the hotel’s robe, his wet hair is slowly getting dry but still wearing that disappointed face of his. You smiled at him before you entered the room. 

“Are you okay?” You asked as he handed you an extra robe. 

“Yeah,” He sighs. “Go wash up first and wear this, I’ll find some clothes for you to wear okay?” He smiled softly, taking the robe. 

“Okay,” You said before making a beeline towards the bathroom. 

Hyunjin took his glass half-filled with wine. Champagne wasn’t good enough to satisfy his needs, it was cut off so quickly. He leaned by the doorframe, taking appreciation of the view up from the balcony. Everything was quiet enough to calm him down, a few cars rushing by the highway, the stillness of the stars and the moon slowly setting down, he suddenly thought about making another piece for his upcoming exhibit. A sudden hit of inspiration. He licked his lips, taking it into deep thought with a few sips of wine. 

Meanwhile, you just got out of the bathroom wearing the robe. He forgot about the clothes, but seeing you wearing the white cloth that envelopes your body, he thought you don’t need it anymore. Such a pretty face even without make-up. Hyunjin fell for your beauty even more. Clearing his throat, he placed the glass on the nightstand. Everything he needed was right in front of him, a muse, this painting he’s been thinking of would be different from before. You. 

“You look great,” He managed to say. 

“Thanks,” You answered with a smile as he spread his arms for a hug. “Are you sure you’re okay?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his waist, burying your face on his bare chest. 

“I am,” He said softly, playing with your hair. “Are you leaving tomorrow?” 

“Probably, I can’t stay,” You chuckled, giving him a soft peck on the lips. “Chan said you have something to attend to tomorrow,” 

“Hmm,” He hummed in between. 

“Why?” You asked, caressing his cheek. 

“Nothing,” He smiled. “We still have a few more hours,” 

“Yeah, you should be taking all your time with me instead of thinking about what’s going to happen,” You said, giving him a long kiss. The beating of his heart was nothing like before, strong and jumping as if it was going to explode. 

“Y/n, you’re making me so damn crazy,” He hissed under his breath the moment the kiss was off. 

“And you are to me,” You said as Hyunjin smirked before taking your lips again, hands on your cheeks as you melt at the sudden action. 

Heartbeats going fast, eyes closed to savor the moment, lips colliding in response to the tension, hands holding one another for support, the kiss was getting hot. It was the way Hyunjin slid his hand off your cheeks before taking your chin as he deepened the kiss. Taking your steps backward, your waist felt the width of the table being placed by the wall. He lifted you to sit down as he stood between your legs, still enjoying the taste of your lips, biting and sucking them earning a soft mewl from you. Your hands wrapped around his neck, playing with his black locks as he deepened the kiss. Heads tilted together, eyes were closed, just you sharing a passionate exchange of affection. 

It was sweet, you’d agree that falling in love with a stranger would rather be weird or taking the risk unexpectedly.  A fool that fell in the hole. Two lonely people staring at the frame of a wonderful painting decided to take flight in the middle of the night. You couldn’t blame yourself either, it felt like Hyunjin was given to you this evening to take a turn in your perspective. It became so different, you didn’t like the bar but you drank and danced with him, you love staying at home watching Netflix while enjoying the food, but here you are, kissing the artist that hovered your attention. A dark hotel room with only the moon and the other city lights contributed brightness, it savored champagne and candies. 

Heavy breaths and loud thumping of hearts, you bit his lower lip as Hyunjin placed his thumb in between your lips, feeling his kisses on your neck. You hummed in response to his touch, a hand on his shoulder tightening your grip, you had to look the other way to give him more access. His fangs met your skin, nipping at the delicate scent of vanilla and candies mixed after the bath. Hyunjin suddenly got more intimate and felt the strong urge to touch you. You bit his thumb, sucking it before he stopped to kiss you again. His fingers started to play with the laces of your robe, trying to hold himself to take it off. You pulled him closer to yours as you felt his hand squeezing your ass. Meanwhile, you could sense how he’s stopping himself from doing anything, a kiss, more than a kiss, he wanted it—you wanted it too. 

“Y/n?” He called in between. 

“Yes, love?” You hummed in response. 

“Can I?” He asked when you understood what he meant. 

“Yeah,” You said quietly as he placed a soft kiss on your lips, untying the lace of the robe. 

“God, you’re so beautiful,” He said seeing your bare skin after slipping the sleeves off your shoulders. Blood rushes to your cheeks feeling the same heat the way Hyunjin impresses you with compliments. His lips met yours again, slowly caressing your body that send shivers down your spine. It was the way he started pinching your nipples making you moan in between his kisses then proceeded on massaging your breasts. He felt your body flinch under his touch that led his lips to form a smirk. “Like it?” He asked. 

“Y-yeah, oh my God,” You gasped, holding onto his shoulders when his fingers came in contact with your went cunt, slowly rubbing your wetness. 

“I’m not even halfway of touching you but you’re already so wet for me, love,” He said still wearing that smirk on his face. 

You bit your lower lip in embarrassment when he started kissing you again, slowly inserting his 2 digits inside, tightening your grip on his broad shoulders and the other free hand at the back of his neck. Sharing a torrid kiss, Hyunjin slowly thrusts his fingers inside you and a hand squeezes your thigh. Hissing underneath your breath, he let out a soft chuckle, enough to blow your mind at the moment. He slipped his tongue inside your mouth as you started to suck on it, licking all over. His fingers’ pace started to go fast, receiving a delicate and sinful sound. You started humping on his fingers as your mouth gap, Hyunjin’s kisses fell back on your neck again, nipping your skin. 

“H-Hyunjin, hmm…” You hummed in response. 

“Yes, love?” He asked, placing a soft kiss on your lips. 

“I want to feel you,” 

Hyunjin’s gaze turned dark, he pulled his fingers gently before tasting your wetness on his lips. A wicked smile surfaced together with a soft chuckle. His wet fingers caress your lips, “Are you sure?” He asked in between as he leaned closer to whisper something in your ear. “‘Cause I won’t be able to stop,” 

“I don’t mind,” You said quietly, looking at his eyes, kissing his fingers on your lips. 

“Fine,” He smiled, capturing your lips again before lifting you, carrying you towards the bed. Your back felt the warm white sheets against your back as Hyunjin’s lips never left yours. The sound of smacking lips echoed in the room as his kisses suddenly went back on your neck. You felt them traveling down to the valley of your breasts, slowly taking your nipple as the free hand squeezed the other. He loves the idea of playing with them, sucking and biting gently just to hear how you’d react. With a satisfying sound, heavy breathing, and gasping of air, you suddenly wanted him to do more. Then there is Hyunjin enjoying it. His mouth came in contact with the other one and started licking it—the way the tip of his tongue was rubbing on your hard nipple hinted at your strong arousal. 

“Fuck,” You gasped as his lips started kissing your stomach, slowly making their way down on your wetness. 

“Spread your legs for me, love,” And without hesitation, you just felt the need to let him see everything. “So fucking beautiful, so fucking wet, I love it,” He hissed at the sight of you. His thumb came in contact with your slit, rubbing the wetness that made you mewl. Licking your inner thigh, you felt his tongue replace his thumb, kissing and licking your cunt. It was impossible to think straight at the current situation when he’s eating you out, hands squeezing your thighs as he leaves you a moaning mess. 

A simple gaze of astonishment turned into something sinful. Kisses were supposed to be sweet but they can lead to bodies wanting to sin. Your hands met the white sheets, looking for something to hold on to—his tongue was all over your soul, it felt so good and warm. It’s making you go insane, you didn’t want him to stop. He enjoys the sight of you suffering under his touch, the facial expressions you make, the loud moans from your mouths, it’s not only you who’s about to go crazy. 

“You taste so good,” He said, as your body arched, tightening your grip on the sheets, feeling his mouth devouring you. Biting your lips, Hyunjin’s hands ended up on your breasts again as you held them tight. Squeezing them while he eats you just added to the heavenly feeling but you know it is not only that. He loves the sight of your dripping cunt with a hint of his saliva, he loves the way you taste and for being so wet for a hot stranger like him. But he was no stranger anymore. 

He licked his lips as he crashed them onto yours. The taste of your wetness from his lips had gotten the place even hotter. But it didn’t last long for you to whine when he pulled away. He stood in front of you as he untied the laces of his robe while you lay with your elbows. The robe slipped away from his broad shoulders showing his bare skin, a perfect physique that made your heart pound like crazy and mouth gaped open. He was staring at you while stripping off, his gaze locked with yours, taking a condom from the robe’s pocket, he knew he’d be able to use it, but not without your permission. His teeth met the packaging, harshly ripping it open as he took it out to slip his length in it. 

“Lay down,” He said softly, as you obliged, Hyunjin hovered above you, a hand on his length, slowly rubbing the tip of his cock on your wet cunt. 

“Shit,” You hissed at the sudden friction. His smirk appeared again as he made his lips come in contact with yours, slowly sliding himself inside you—causing your eyes to roll back. You have your arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him back as he starts to thrust himself, being gentle at first. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, as his hand held your cheek while the other supported his dominant position. 

2 a.m. 

The time was already forgotten. Fuck the schedule, Hyunjin doesn’t want to be anywhere but here, fucking the shit out of you as he goes faster. A sinful sound escaped your lips as you dug your fingers into his bare back. He hissed under his breath at the sudden reaction but it felt so good. Your voice is like music to his ears, your neck still smells like your perfume that he always wanted to bite, your legs spreading wide for him as his length drives you crazy. Eyes were shut, feeling every movement Hyunjin makes. 

“Oh, shit, Hyunjin!” You blurted out, scratching back again, he could feel the pain from your fake nails—he had to take them off from his neck and hold them above your head, interlocking fingers with him. He went faster than before as your grip tightened along the way. 

“You’re so tight, fuck!” He hissed, making you moan even louder. 

“I’m going to kill you after this,” You said in between your gasps, tears started to form in your eyes in the sweet madness. 

“You can’t,” He teased as your walls tightened. Hyunjin is taking his time, he doesn’t care if you’d wake someone from the other room. All he wanted was to ruin you. A girl he just met, being a mess under him, can be considered as a one-night stand if he left in the morning—but he knows he’s going to look for this moment again. Even if you flee later. 

“Kiss me, you fucker,” You said as he happily obliged, still messing you up down there. His lips were hotter than before as you kept letting out his favorite sounds in between a torrid kiss. Hyunjin let go of your hands as that gave you the opportunity to play with his hair, as he went rough with you. “Fuck!” You screamed at the feeling. 

He started nipping your neck, biting and kissing before licking the mark. But your hands gripped onto his biceps, moaning about how good it feels to be ruined by him. You weren’t like this, you didn’t know why this man is making his way on you. Heavy breaths and sweat slowly dripped down from his forehead to his bangs. He sweats easily but it made him look so fucking attractive. You don’t mind, his siren eyes were staring at you, smirking at the sight of how messy you are. Being riled up as he is, you could feel how close you are. 

“You’re so pretty,” He said. 

“Baby, I’m close, fuck!” You moaned out of breath. 

“Shh, let it out,” He said grunting underneath his breath, trying to get the most of it until he felt it on his own.  

“Shit,” You hissed as he pulled away to release. A sigh escaped your lips, it was good. 

“Are you okay, love?” He asked, taking the condom off from his length, tossing it away to the bin as you lay exhausted on his sheets. Hyunjin sat down beside you as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, caressing your cheek. “Tired?” 

“Yeah, we had a long night,” You said quietly as he smiled softly, placing a soft kiss on your lips, making you smile in return. “You’re so sweet,” 

“I got scared when you said you’ll kill me,” He chuckled as you laughed along. 

“I was just overwhelmed,” You said, holding his hand as he interlocks your fingers again. 

“Do you want to wash up?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” You answered, giving him a nod. Another soft kiss occurred in between before he decided to carry you towards the bathroom. 

Rays of sunshine came in contact with your eyes as they flutter open only to see the curtains being drawn open and Hyunjin’s side of the bed was empty. He had you wearing his white polo, one that gave you sweater paws with it. The sudden hit of disappointment envelopes your body after realizing his things were gone, the room was quiet and you didn’t even budge to jump out of the bed. His strong, intoxicating scent remains on the sheets as you take the duvet in your arms, hugging his evaporated presence. It was a good night, you wanted to do it again but he’s gone. You didn’t know his schedule anyway, Chan didn’t even tell you. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you tried to get up after being sore down there. Disheveled sheets and robes on the floor, it was a night to remember, not only the moment where you made love. He was an interesting stranger, one that could sweep you off your feet in a blink of an eye. You wouldn’t deny the fact that he hit you like a train, faster enough to make you fall under his unique charm and beauty. It just felt stupid how distracted you were and forgetting one of the most important things. His contact number. 

Facepalming yourself at the thought, a piece of paper caught your eyes. It was laying down on the other side of the bed, curiosity filled the atmosphere, as your hands gently took the thin canvas. You knew it belonged to Hyunjin but you were surprised by his subject, it was a portrait of you. The one that he saw from the art exhibit last night. Every detail was there, the black dress, your handbag, your hair, even if it was only being sketched with a pencil and a white pen, it highlighted your beautiful face, altogether from his perspective. It was candid. That one talented young man. Even his signature was present at the bottom and a short notice at the back. 

“My beautiful Y/n, when you wake up, I already left. Didn’t want to wake you up since you were exhausted, don’t worry we’ll see each other again. I just don’t know when I’ll be back, but when I do, I’ll find you, Love, Hyunjin,” You read. “P.S. We already have our A Gaze of Astonishment and it made me realize how I want to plan out my entire life with a beautiful stranger from across the hall,” 

Tears started to form in your eyes, it made you fall for him even harder. Hyunjin woke up a few hours before you did. He spent his time taking glances at your beautiful figure sleeping on his sheets after an amazing night. Train of thoughts and inspiration suddenly devoured his soul, he couldn’t help but sit down and take his sketchpad and pencil to draw you. You were so peaceful and still, each glance was worth it for his art. He studied your face, he imagined the look you have from last night. It was the very first few seconds of your meeting. One that he’ll remember and cherish in his life. 

His hand dances with the pencil above the thin canvas for a while, he captured that moment like a photograph in his mind. And he will bring it with him wherever he goes until he comes back and takes you out again. A smile of satisfaction formed on his lips as he ripped the page off of his sketchpad. He stood up from the bed, leaving the paper on the other side before walking toward you and leaning for a kiss on your forehead. Hyunjin fell in love, he wouldn’t deny it. It was the best night of his life and he was thankful that he met you. 

He started to caress your cheek and whispered, “I love you, Y/n,” 

And that was it. 

“I love you too,” You said quietly hugging the thin canvas, but careful not to be ripped. 

The clock says 10 am, and that’s when you realized you should go home. Your phone is still dead and your clothes were still wet, only Hyunjin’s polo remained decent. I can go home like this right? No, it will be embarrassing, train of thoughts and panics came all over you, hoping that Chan has contacted your brother when you heard a few knocks on the door. It made your heart race, couldn’t be Hyunjin who forgot to take something or the staff? But you heard them calling your name outside. You hurried to open the door and it was your brother gawking at you. 

“Y/n, what the fuck?! I’ve been calling you since last night, but you’re not一wait,” He stopped when he realized what you were wearing and how messy your hair was. “Did you and Hyunjin hyung一oh my God,” He said as you came in blushing. 

“I was…” You paused. “We had a long night,” You continued with a sheepish smile while rubbing your nape. 

“You better tell me on the road, and Father’s furious, fix yourself up, now.” He said which made you startled. 

Jeongin knows you too well, you weren’t like this, maybe Hyunjin did make much of a difference for you in just one night. It was so unexpected for him, even for you. But hence he was happy, it’s not every night this kind of moment exists in a person’s life. You had subtle flings before and you thought that was the end of it. Then this stranger came, and it was bold and direct. No drama in between, you just wanted to have it again. Even if it takes time for Hyunjin to come back and find you. But maybe your brother can help you out. 

“You never told me that you know him?” You asked, closing the door of the passenger’s seat as Jeongin started to drive. 

“I thought you weren’t interested, besides, you’re not into art are you?” He asked. 

“I fell in love with his arts last night so I consider myself as one right now,” You said as Jeongin sighed in response. 

“Whatever,” He groaned. “I was looking for you the whole evening at the exhibit, I was shocked to know that Chan hyung saw you running away with Hyunjin hyung,” 

“He invited me to,” You chuckled. 

“You usually decline going out on the weekends Y/n,” Jeongin scoffed as he take glances at you. “Something changed about you,” He said as you smiled at him. A smile that tells happiness and love, with a hint of giddiness and excitement, warmth and delight. “Wow, in just one night, Y/n,” 

But you two just laughed it out. 

1 month later…

Your father was furious when you got home that day, Jeongin did try to explain everything but he was not getting into it. He decided to ground you for two weeks leaving you and Jeongin staying in your apartment, but that didn’t stop you from roaming around the art museums in the city with the famous artists of this generation’s works being displayed. You did try to argue with Jeongin sometimes to give Hyunjin’s contact but your Father was strict enough to ban you from it. Even Jeongin followed him and you were close to giving up. Yet that portrait of you being plastered on your apartment’s wall tells you to trust Hyunjin. Even if you just met him once and even if he’s going to take more than a month to come back, you believe he is a man of his words. You just need to be patient. 

It was another exhausting day at the university, but thank goodness you were done with this week’s tasks. One that would make you spend your whole weekend free and maybe, sleep after consistent nights of staying up. English Literature left my brain cells in you. A sigh of relief escaped from your lips as you plopped on your couch when Jeongin’s face appeared in front of you. Eyes were tired, glasses not being in the right place, messy hair, and crumpled clothes. You never knew why he stays in your apartment instead of your Father’s house where he lays as his favorite child. 

“You scared me to death,” You said, clutching your chest after swearing at him a few seconds ago. 

“I was awake the moment you arrived,” He yawned, scratching his back. 

“And?” You asked, getting up from the couch to take your bag back from your room. 

“Father called, he’s going to have a gathering this Saturday, yeah, that’s tomorrow,” He said checking the calendar on his phone as you emptied your school bag and went back to the couch. 

“You know I don’t attend his parties,” You scoffed. “You can go alone, or invite Seungmin or Changbin to go,” 

“They will come for sure, they’re already invited,” He sighs. “But that is not the point. What I’m trying to say is: Hyunjin hyung will come back home from Paris,” 

“He what!?” You exclaimed enough for his ears to hurt. All this time he was in Paris without telling you, he was meant to leave the country after that day to where Chan said he had a schedule. 

“Yeah, shocking right? Father told me about it, he said if you wanted to see the Artist again, you should come.” Jeongin shrugged. “Besides, he knows your affairs and you know how much he loves Hyunjin hyung’s work so—” 

“You’re such an angel!” You said tackling your brother down to the floor with hugs and cheek kisses. It was probably the best news after a week of suffering at the university. Jeongin laughed at the sudden affection, he loves it very much especially when it comes from you. Though he’s just your half-brother, you love him dearly. 

“You’re still into him after a month, without communication?” He asked, regaining your positions. “What if he found someone else in Paris?” 

“That, I will find out tomorrow,” You sigh. “I was thinking about that possible scenario, I couldn’t call him, I couldn't talk to him, nothing, but if he found someone new then, that whole one month of mourning wasn’t worth it, we were just strangers anyway,” You smiled bitterly. 

“I hope he hasn’t, I was so happy about the sudden change of your personality overnight because of him,” Jeongin said, encouraging you while patting your shoulder. You smiled at him, holding his hand. 

“I just wanted to be with him again,” You sigh. 

“Better get a new dress, sis,” Jeongin winked. 

Saturday night came, and the gathering was being held on the top floor of your Father’s company building. Everyone was there, but Hyunjin, or maybe he was just running late. There was no sight of Chan either. A sigh escaped from your lips taking that glass filled with champagne as you sat at an empty table while everyone was talking business with each other. Even Jeongin was occupied with Seungmin and Changbin’s presence. You crossed your arms on your chest, playing with a glass of champagne, you were lonely again. The decorations were nice to take your attention and even some of Hyunjin’s paintings were intact on the walls. 

Drinking everything from the glass, you walked around not minding a few stares from people from your Father’s business. Others were intrigued that you finally showed up, just for once. You didn’t care about them, you didn’t care about your Father’s opinion. It was only Jeongin and Hyunjin you came here for. A smirk surfaced on your lips when you came to have a close-up of a large portrait, one that possesses the image of a clock tower. It had his signature on it—a sketch that was painted with watercolor. You stood there, catching every detail, studying how he managed to blend everything. There you are again, giving the same look the first time you locked eyes with the very first painting you saw that night, it was beautiful. 

“It’s enthralling isn’t it?” A familiar voice said, coming in your direction. Your heart started to beat faster, really knowing who it came from. It was him, Hyun.e, Hwang Hyunjin. 

“Y-yeah,” You stutter like before. His eyes were on the portrait as you were looking at him. He was smiling with his hands behind him.

“Beautiful as always, my dear,” He said, finally looking at you. “It gets me every time, how have you—” But before he could finish his sentence, you tackled him down for a hug. Hyunjin immediately let out a soft chuckle embracing you. 

“I missed you,” You said, burying your face in his chest. 

“I missed you too,” He whispered in your ear, caressing your hair. “I know I have a lot to explain, I’m sorry for leaving without contacting you,” He sighs. 

“It’s okay, I’m just happy you’re here,” You said looking at him as he smiled, giving you a soft kiss on your lips.  

“Tell me, baby, you want to drive out of the city?” He smirked, taking a few strands of hair out of your face. 

“With someone you just met?” You chuckled in response. “Well, I’m not going to hesitate with your concept of running away, I waited for a month anyway—take me wherever you like,” 

“Your Father won’t be pleased when I say I’m not taking you back home anytime soon,” He said, giving you a long kiss before holding your hand, interlocking your fingers together. 

“Jeongin can handle him, my brother can cover for me,” You said reassuring him. 

“Good, now let’s go,” He smiled as you left the hall, excitedly. Your brother saw that as your Father was busy. A smirk was formed on his face as he continued talking to Seungmin and Changbin, you deserve to spend time with Hyunjin with no disruptions. You both head to the parking area, the car he used the last time is still the same, but before you could enter, Hyunjin pulled you again for a kiss. One that you longed for, something that you wanted to last for a while. “Champagne?” He asked, pulling away. 

“Yeah, I had a few,” You said, sheepishly. 

“It tastes good,” He chuckled. “Come here, baby,” He added, leaving a peck on your lips as he opened the door for you. 

“Where are we going?” You asked, sitting on the passenger’s seat, closing the door with a loud bang. 

“No specific destination but, we’ll have something later,” He winked again as he sat down beside you and started to drive away. 

There you are again, enjoying the rushed car ride when the night is young, the moon is high and the stars illuminate the dark sky. City lights were dancing as the cold air brushed against your bare skin. He loves that black dress you were wearing, it’s prettier than the last time—thin laces on your shoulders and a slit that shows your left thigh as it falls above the knee length. It looks so good on you, and the way he is dressed tonight matches your aesthetic. Black suit and a few buttons opened, his black slicked-back hair and rings adorning his fingers—breathtaking like usual. 

He started speeding up, a hand on your tie as the other one kept steering the wheel. You looked at him dearly, 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“I loved that sketch you made when you left,” You said. 

“It was a rushed piece, but thank you,” He smiled. “Say, I’ve been thinking,” 

“About what?” You asked, taking his hand away from your thigh, starting playing with it, interlocking your fingers again. 

“I was going to make an exhibit in this city, every piece of art, all inspired by the image of you,” He said proudly. “But, I can’t without your permission of course,” He added, taking your hand as he kissed your knuckles. 

“Park the car,” You said, Hyunjin suddenly felt nervous as he did under a lamppost on an empty street. 

“Is something wrong? You don’t want it?” He asked immediately the moment the car settled in when you grabbed his collar, crashing your lips onto his. Hyunjin’s heart started to beat faster than ever as he pulled you to sit on his lap, deepening the kiss you shared. Hands around your waist as your arms wrapped around his neck. It was warm and passionate, filled with longingness and desire. 

“Are you kidding me, you’re such a genius! I would be honored!” You cried pulling away, but he just looked at you as if you were his most treasured piece of art. He held your cheeks, leaving a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Then you’ll have it,” He said. 

“You never fail to amaze me,” You said, melting under his touch. 

“And you never fail to make me crazy over you,” He answered, earning a soft chuckle from you, kissing you again. 

REBLOGGING AND LEAVING A FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

©️ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐈𝐍 , 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐.

[tsukirecs]

Of Birds and Worms

☀︎ nomad!hyunjin x afab local!reader ☀︎

☀︎ synopsis: A mysterious nomad enters your town in hopes of seeking shelter from the upcoming sandstorm. ☀︎ warnings: swearing, somewhat graphic violence, descriptions of a panic attack, mention of scars, forced proximity, multiple sex scenes, grinding, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (m and f receiving), creampie, fingering, handjob, cum eating ☀︎ genre: dystopian AU, fluff, angst, smut ☀︎ wc: 11.5k ☀︎ a/n: giant has been on my mind a lot and... here we are! [partly also inspired by horizon zero dawn where the pic in the middle is from!] please let me know what you think, i'd really love to hear it as this is a bigger fic and i'd love some feedback so i can improve! <3 happy reading! 🧡 masterlist divider by @firefly-graphics

Due to the harsh weather conditions there are only two ways of surviving nowadays: either you grow nomadic and are always on the move, desperate to try and get away from the regions where each year the conditions grow worse and risk running into monsters, or you settle down amongst other people and try your best to build a home that can withstand even the harshest sandstorms.

Hyunjin was of the former people, always travelling, always on the run from something. He learned how to deal with monsters, icy cold and burning hot temperatures ever since he was brought upon this unfortunate earth that seems to be fighting itself with everything it has.

The family he grew up in called themselves nomads, yet they weren’t entirely focused on mere survival. Some of them were geniuses that could make sense of the remnants of the Old World they came across. So it became normal for him to travel from ruin to ruin, seeing if he could salvage anything that still had some use in his eyes.

As he grew older, they allowed him to dabble in experimenting with some of the gadgets as well, learning he too had an affinity for it.

Nomadic people usually didn’t stick together for too long or stopped along the way when the group became too big.

This was the reason why, once he was old enough, his family passed him off into the wilds, confident that he could survive on his own and maybe create his own family in the future, continuing the cycle.

Predicting that the sandstorm would ravage these lands within the next few weeks, he had enough time to either make his way to the nearby settlement he had heard about or seek out a somewhat safe place out in the wilds that he could camp at.

He sighs, these sandstorms were a pain in the ass, sand would get everywhere and if you’re caught in the middle of it without proper preparation, it could tear you apart, the little sand particles suddenly as sharp as cut glass. Even worse when they lasted several days.

Seeing as he is already close enough to the next settlement, his goal was to hurry on over and hope that they were friendly towards nomads.

When he crosses the first gate of the town, heavy boots whirling up the settled sand, he gets largely ignored, everyone pretending to be busy with one thing or another. That’s the mildest reaction he could have hoped for.

Dealing with nomads was considered to be unpredictable, some extremely friendly, just travelling through and looking for some company and places to stock up on in exchange for odd jobs, some extremely aggressive and dangerous, seeing the people who settled in one place as ‘weaklings’ and trying each and every way to take advantage of that.

Hyunjin was of the former, never wanting to hurt anyone, yet he didn’t look the part. To protect from the wasteland, his attire was entirely heavy. A big jacket snug around his body, several ropes holding his clothing and everything he carried with him in place. His heavy boots over a thick pair of pants, again secured with ropes and chains. Not a sliver of skin to be seen, hands covered in gloves, neck covered in a scarf, face and head covered by a mask, a big pair of goggles and a hood, entirely obscuring him.

Hyunjin doesn’t mind the lack of attention as he’s already more than used to the disdain nomads are faced with if they weren’t accompanied with one of the townspeople, indicating that they were trusted. Instead, he busies himself in seeking out a person who might be kind enough to offer a place in their home for one or more nights.

The town is a simple one, the houses built out of solid stone to withstand the weather conditions, the windows made to be airtight and easily sealed shut. Most of the colors are found in the vibrant cloths and decorations scattered across the outer walls of the houses, making this place seem a lot more lively. If there’s not a house or a shop, there’s a dirt road or plenty of colorful plants to be found that Hyunjin appreciates a lot.

He's had enough of dead places for a while.

As he stands in what he assumes is the village center, he notices someone watching him out of his periphery. He slowly cocks his head in their direction, as if challenging them in case they want to start trouble, some people too eager to throw nomads out with force.

He has the weapons and skills to take the entire town out if need be.

Hyunjin hopes it doesn’t come to that.

You’ve lived your entire life as one of the few people in this world who chose to stay in one place. The town you grew up in is just a speck of dust in the world, right in the desert wasteland surrounded by sandstorms in the summer and hail and snow storms in the winter. Not only do you have to endure these extreme conditions, but also the monsters borne from whatever took out the previous civilisation.

Giant sandworms, boars the sizes of a human, bats that can easily grip and carry two people at once.

There were certain people in your town that were raised to be warriors to protect everyone else valiantly. You weren’t one of them.

No, you were simply someone who regularly cooked for whenever the people going on hunts needed energy beforehand, or someone who helped maintain the weaponry, fixing little gadgets and other craftsmanship.

Since there was always something that needed a little repair, be it a spear, a sword or simply clothes that needed mending, you were plenty busy in your life.

Today was no different. You were on your way to drop off some of the daggers you repaired last night when you saw a stranger standing in the townsquare. He was covered from head to toe in heavy cloths and fabrics, surely carrying his own fair share of weapons with him. It was immediately clear to you who this person was: a nomad, an outsider.

You stopped dead in your tracks and observed him, trying to gauge whether he was one of the good ones or one of the bad ones. Usually, you only got the good ones around these parts, they stop for a day, experience some hospitality and go on their way rather quickly. In your lifetime, there had been only a handful of… incidents with the bad kind. Some of these incidents ended with death.

You didn’t like thinking about it.

When you noticed him looking at you, at least you think he did, it was kind of hard to tell with his entire face being covered, you smiled and waved at him. There was no immediate reaction from him, he simply continued staring at you.

You almost just continued going your way, when he slowly made his way over to you, the chains on his body audibly clinking together as he moves.

He towered above you when he stops just one or two steps away from you, menacingly staring you down. You could guess what he was in search of. Some nomads didn’t really talk, some couldn’t, some refused, so you were used to taking a guess.

“Are you looking for a place to stay to wait out the sandstorm?” – you smile up at him.

He nods and you nod right back at him wisely. Nomads usually take on a number of odd jobs to pay their hosts back for their hospitality, things that they couldn’t do on their own or needed help with. Might as well start taking advantage of that now.

“I can ready a bed for you in my home. Help me carry these daggers to the weapon’s dealer!” – you uncerimoniously dump the cloth full of daggers into his arms, which he takes ahold of bewildered at your sudden enthusiasm.

You skip your way over to the forge, the nomad following you obediently. He still hasn’t said anything, so you figure he must be one of the silent ones.

“You can put them all on that table over there, Nomad” – you tell him and approach Bahari, the local smithy, for your payment. Bahari is quite the delicate man, that you could easily mistake as a weaver if not for his weathered hands. Nobody really knows where all his strength to wield the hammer comes from but nobody has ever questioned it, glad to have someone as knowledgeable about weapon and armormaking as him in town.

Bahari already sits there with a gentle smile, holding out a small bag that you know is full of rare spices.

“Thank you for your help, y/n. I really appreciate it” – he doesn’t acknowledge your silent follower with more than a simple glance.

“If there’s any more weapons that need quick repairs, you know where to find me! For the right price, of course!” – you grin at him and he shakes his head fondly.

“I’ll let you know, little bird. Now, off you go, I’m sure you’ll be plenty busy for the rest of the day” – Bahari nods at the nomad before turning back to his plans, already sketching up a new weapon design that you’re sure will be of great help for the warriors and hunters.

As you exit the building, you stop dead in your tracks in the middle of the road, the nomad running into your back.

“I totally forgot to ask you! Are you hungry?” – you spin around to take him in, in case he wanted to give you a sign of affirmation. His hands come up to play with the fabric of his jacket, seemingly unsure of how to answer your inquiry.

“It’s okay if you are. I’ll be your host for as long as you want to stay, my food is your food, don’t worry about taking too much!”

That seems to clear some of his worries and his hooded head tips forward in a nod.

You clap your hands together, happy that he was honest with you and drag him to the canteen. Usually, you would offer to cook for him but you only have enough ingredients left for dinner and breakfast tomorrow. The canteen was almost as good as your cooking, so it would be fine.

Since the nomad didn’t seem to have any preference, you order the regular stew for the two of you.

You can’t help but stare at him, curious to see if he was going to take at least his mask off to eat and if he did, what the lower part of his face looked like. Some nomads had very prominent scars all over their body or just very noticeable ones in certain spots. Then there are those men with impressive beards but you doubt he could contain one of those under the mask he chose to wear.

The nomad takes notice to your very badly conceiled staring. He keeps his head angled towards you when his hands come up to get rid of the protective mask, revealing a smug smile gracing a pair of plush lips that you didn’t expect. A small but noticeable scar ran over the side of his lips horizontally. From what you could see of his face, he seemed handsome, the only thing left obscuring him was that big pair of goggles and the hood over his head.

You’re sure his eyes are just as pretty as his nose and lips.

“Well, enjoy your food!”

After the first bite of the stew, the nomad let out a simple but adorable ‘mmh!’, that made you happier than it probably should have.

You were going to be sad when he inevitably left to continue his travels.

-

Now in your home, you showed him where he was allowed to stay and sleep and where he could put all of his gear and baggage. He unloaded quite a bit, several jackets coming off, revealing his toned arms, which continued to tell his life’s story in form of scars and blemishes, small and big, dancing across his flesh.

He survived a lot and for that, you admired him a little, as sheltered as you were.

The hood of his jacket now off, dark brown hair kept together in a small ponytail framed his face. He kept the goggles and mask on.

“I don’t do a lot except cook and do maintenance on stuff that needs it, so I can’t really offer you many jobs to do around here. You could help someone who really needs it instead of me and I’ll take that as my payment, hm?” – he doesn’t even give you as much as a hum so you turn to look at him after stowing away your precious spices only to find him staring at an empty frame in your living room.

The frame was a beautifully crafted wooden one, with intricate designs on the exterior while holding two hooks in the middle of it, clearly meant to hold up some artefact that was missing. The nomad silently cocked his head in your direction.

“It’s nothing, please just leave it alone” – you sighed and he relented easily, making his way over to where he was going to live for the remainder of his stay and arranging his room the way he wanted to.

You left him to his own devices, rather spending your time getting dinner started and shooing away the lingering thoughts of the empty frame.

-

Dinnertime is equally as silent, the nomad still choosing to stay quiet, save for the occasional sound of approval towards your food. You were itching to put a name towards the man in front of you but it wasn’t customary to get all buddy-buddy with a traveling nomad, for their safety and for your own, in case they were followed by less than savoury individuals.

He still hadn’t forgone the goggles, them still sitting securely on his face. You began to think maybe something was wrong with his eyes, maybe he had bad scarring and didn’t want to show it to any stranger. Or maybe he simply didn’t want you to see his entire face. The latter makes you sadder than the former.

He politely helps you clean and put away the dishes before heading towards your bathroom to clean up.

As he showers you just kind of dumbly sit in your living room, unsure of what to do. It isn’t the first time you invited a nomad to live alongside you but the last few times they either talked your ear off or were gone the next morning before you could even say goodbye. If he wanted to stay until the sandstorm was over, then there was a possibility you’d end up spending at least one or two weeks with him, if not longer.

He walks out in the same gear he was wearing previously, hair damp, goggles still on.

“Uhm, tomorrow I have to help in the canteen but feel free to look around town and see if anyone can offer you something” – you decide to speak up as he trudges past you.

He simply nods but stops in the doorframe to his designated room.

“I’ll help you” – he says and closes the door behind him.

A few simple words that make you feel like exploding on the spot of happiness. He talked to you! You have to hold yourself back from giggling like a child and disappear into your own room for the night, giddy that he seems to be warming up to you.

Sleep doesn’t come as easily to you as it usually does. You toss and turn in your bed, heart still thumping excitedly against your ribcage at the simple interaction.

A few days go by with the nomad simply helping you in your normal chores, which you appreciate a lot. Extra hands are always nice. You are kind of disappointed that he kept conversation to a minimum and had yet to take off his goggles in front of you. At the same time, you don’t really understand why this nomad felt so different to you than the previous ones, why you wanted him in particular to let down his guard and relax in your home fully.

The dynamic between the two of you shifted one evening.

You were sitting on your couch fiddling around with some gadget that the town elder brought to you to figure out, the nomad sitting on the other end of it fixing a hole in one of his clothes. No matter what you did, the little device wouldn’t turn on, not even a flicker of light indicating that it even had the energy left to do so.

Frustrated you tossed the device on your coffee table, mad that the inanimate object would disobey you like that.

“It’s a device that gets energy from the sun.”

Your head snapped over to the nomad who had a soft smile on his lips as he looked at you from the side. Probably looking like a fish, your mouth opened and closed a few times, not entirely sure what you wanted to say to him first.

He saw you struggle for like twenty minutes and only chose to say something after you gave up? Did he know the entire time or did he figure it out alongside you?

And in a more dramatic manner, why was he being mean to you?

“You… you knew?” – you couldn’t help but squint your eyes at him in a playful manner.

His soft smile widened.

“It was funnier to watch you almost throw the thing against the wall.”

“Oh, you are so sleeping outside when the sandstorm comes. Consequences of being mean to me” – you huffed and crossed your arms, refusing to look at him, although you couldn’t stop the amused grin from spreading on your face.

For the first time ever since the nomad came into your little, insignificant town, he laughed. Cackled, even. And it was the most wonderful laugh you had ever heard. It was goofy and it didn’t fit to the mysterious and threatening figure that always followed you through the streets with heavy boots thumping against the ground, chains swinging and clinking as if he was Death itself announcing his arrival.

Even if he was just that and it inevitably led to you being dragged to your own demise, you never wanted him to stop laughing like he did in this moment.

He got up from the sofa, still slightly giggling and took the device into his hands to put it on your windowsill angled towards the sun.

“Come watch” – he said and urged you to stand beside him by waving his hand towards him.

You hurried on over, eager to see what the little gadget was capable of.

At first, nothing happened and you started to fear it really was broken. Or that the nomad simply wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. But then the outer panels started peeling back, a little figurine emerging from its core. A melody started playing and the little figurine started its delicate mechanical dance along the upper panels.

“It’s a music box. The people of the past used this as partly an art form and partly to immortalise certain musical pieces in miniature form. Or they just found it cute, I’m unsure” – he explained as the two of you watched the small dancer go through their routine.

When the song came to its end and the dancer retreated back into their casing, your home was eerily silent. You gingerly took the gadget back into your hands and cradled it against your chest, unsure of how to proceed, suddenly too aware of the proximity between you and the nomad.

“Hyunjin” – he suddenly said and you jolted, your shoulder slightly making contact with his.

“Huh?”

“That’s my name.”

You looked at him like he had just given you the secret to stopping all the catastrophes and monster attacks happening to your town and not just his name. Yet in that moment, it felt like it had the same weight.

“y/n” – you answered, slightly choked up and quickly cleared your throat before it became all too obvious that him telling you his name almost made you cry.

“I know, ‘little bird’” – he tapped your nose with his index finger before retreating back to your living room couch as if he didn’t just flip your entire world upside down with one simple gesture and one simple word.

You were in deep already.

“Hey, bitch, watch where you’re going!”

Another nomad that seemingly wanted to weather out the sandstorm in your little town bumped quite violently into you as you took care of some delivery requests. He was towering over you, face contorted in anger as if you had personally insulted him.

You quickly tried to gather the delivery items you had dropped, not wanting to linger in the middle of the townsquare with all these people staring at your mess.

“Are you deaf? At least apologise to me! Because of my people, you can live here while sitting on your asses all day long, the least you can do is respect me!” – you’re unsure what exactly you did that ticked him off so much but his hand fisted itself into the fabric of your collar, yanking you up to stand upright in front of him.

“S-sorry” – there was no use arguing against these people, the best thing you could do was obey their demands and hope they would leave you alone after hearing what they wanted to hear from you. The last time you tried to stand up against an arrogant nomad didn’t go all too well for you and you weren’t eager to experience a repeat of that.

His other hand that was just uselessly hanging off to the side came up to grab your arm so hard, you were sure it was going to leave a nasty bruise.

“Look me in the eye and say that shit again and actually mean it this time.”

Your eyes flickered towards his and the sheer hatred and arrogancy in them intimidated you more than you cared to admit. If you weren’t careful, this could end in a bloodbath.

You opened your mouth to tell her what he wanted but the familiar clinking of chains in the distance made you hesitate. Did you really want him to see you in this pathetic state? The feelings that started to blossom in your chest ever since he lowered some of his walls around him made you want to impress him, even if it was the stupidest decision to make in that moment.

“Fuck you, you bumped into me” – you spat in his face while squirming to get out of his hold.

He did let you go, only to crack his fist across your face, causing you to stumble and fall back onto the dusty ground. The commotion around you grew in volume, the onlookers whispering amongst each other at the spectacle unfolding in front of them, nobody brave enough to step in.

When your head finally stopped ringing and your vision cleared, you understood however that they weren’t whispering about your embarassing attempt to rise up to a bully, but about the two nomads going at each other’s throats. And you knew one of them.

The reality started to settle in your chest, that that was what Hyunjin was, after all. A nomad. Partly known for their violence and aggressiveness that was needed to survive out in the wilderness. Maybe he had fooled you the past few days with his soft and silent demeanor and he just needed the perfect excuse to let the mask fall.

Whoever was continously beating on the person below them wasn’t the Hyunjin you had gotten to know. His mouth was deformed to a snarl, loud grunts coming from him as he blocked the other nomad’s futile attempts at fighting back against him, his knuckles already bloodied. All you could do was watch in horror as his fist kept colliding with the nomad’s face, his arms scrambling to get Hyunjin off himself by yanking at his clothes, scratching at his arms.

He did get one or two punches in but Hyunjin decided to end it, drawing his dagger out of its sheath and holding it threateningly close to the nomad’s throat.

“You lost. This is my territory for now” – he only knicked him with the top of his blade, drawing one last drop of blood as if emphasizing his claim, before getting off of him. He scrambled to gather his things, face swollen and with a limp he hurried to break through the crowd that was forming around you, trying to get away as fast as possible.

As Hyunjin cautiously took a few steps towards you, hands hanging limply by his side, you couldn’t stop your instincts from kicking in. Your legs bracing themselves against the ground as you pushed yourself away from him, fear taking over your body.

He stopped his approach immediately, his mouth twitching fleetingly in a pained expression. All he wanted to do was protect you and now you were trying to flee from him, eyes big and scared. An expression that he never wanted to see on your face. Especially not caused by him.

Something in his chest constricted when you got back up on wobbly legs, weary eyes still fixated on him, watching him for any sudden movements that might indicate he would strike you down as well. The whispers from the onlookers grew louder, now that the danger had passed and the only threat to them was a lone nomad too busy processing the fact he might have destroyed the bond he was slowly building with a person who made him softer than the world allowed him to be.

The voices in his head were screaming at him. Telling him to leave, to run until his legs couldn’t carry him anymore; stop the eyes roaming over his body; stop the hateful eyes roaming over his body; stop the fearful eyes roaming over his body; stop the whispers; stop the pounding in his chest; take the dagger and point it at her; take the dagger and point it at yourself; cut it away; protect her; protect yourself; get rid of everyone else-

The feeling of a gentle hand on his bicep and the soft whisper of ‘let’s leave’ silenced the voices. His breathing had grown erratic, chest heaving with every shallow breath he took. His lungs burning and eyes watering.

Back at the place he started calling home, Hyunjin retreated into his room quietly but quickly, not daring himself to look his companion in the eyes.

That left you standing there alone.

Your jaw still hurt from where the nomad had hit you, so in an attempt to escape the reality of having to confront the possible danger living with you under one roof, you busied yourself with applying some soothing ointment to your face.

But was he a possible danger? If he wanted to hurt you or take your things, he could have already done that easily. You trusted him easily, let him into your home without much hassle, he could have taken advantage of your momentary kindness.

Yet he didn’t.

Instead, he chose to spend his time by your side helping you with your daily chores, carried the heavy items despite your protests, listened to you yap about things nobody had ever willingly listened to. Taking the other day into consideration, too, where, despite him being a nomad, he teased you jokingly about your inability to figure out a simple device and stood beside you radiating nothing but calm and softness as you two gazed upon the dancer elegantly moving to a gentle tone.

The world outside of the fences is a horrible one, as everyone in the town would say. It deforms you and forces you to become a wild beast yourself in order to survive. That’s why nomads were the way that they were. Fighting not only against monsters but also amongst themselves.

The strongest survived and the weak were culled.

You should have known that Hyunjin wasn’t going to be all sunshine and that he was capable of more. But seeing him hunched over that man, wild snarl on his face as his bloodied and bruised knuckles continuously hit him while he had little chance of fighting back, solidified that reality within your heart.

When he drew that dagger, a small part in your mind feared that he would actually kill her. Just like that. In the middle of the town with countless people around him.

Maybe he would have if they were out in the wilds.

Yet he stopped approaching you when you were clearly afraid of him. He began to tremble, his breath quickened and it seemed like he was on the verge of a panic attack. You didn’t know from what, maybe the realisation of what he had done, maybe the adrenaline wearing off after the bloodrush.

Your hand seemed to soothe him and break him out of whatever he was facing. It was confusing you.

You sighed and shook your head. He hadn’t hurt you yet.

Before you could overthink your actions, you stood in front of his door, rapping your knuckles against the wood.

The door opened just a little bit, far enough for one goggle to peek out. Suddenly, he reminded you far more of a scared and timid animal more than he did the big and scary nomad you were afraid of just a couple of minutes ago.

You cleared your throat.

“Are your knuckles okay?”

“What?”

“Your knuckles. I don’t imagine they’re fine after…that.”

He was silent after that, seemingly fighting with himself over how to proceed. The door creaked open after a while, inviting you in. You surprised him once more by firmly taking his wrist between your fingers and dragging him to your bathroom where you pushed him onto the toilet seat.

“Don’t move.”

The light reflected off his goggles as he watched you kneel down and carefully take one of his bloodied and bruised hands into your soft and unsoiled ones. His eyes, unbeknownst to you, were trained on your face for the entire duration of you cleaning and disinfecting his wounds.

The bruise forming on your jaw made anger bubble up inside him again. If he had been faster, he could have gotten between the two of you quicker and avoided getting you hurt. He wasn’t used to looking out for another person other than himself.

“You were dumb for speaking up against him” – Hyunjin’s voice came out rougher than he intended and he cursed himself internally as the words sharply cut into you. His hand twitched in yours, thoughts of fleeing your warmth to protect you from him in the forefront of his mind.

“Oh yeah? Should I have bowed down and offered him the shirt off my back so he leaves me alone?” – you spit back just as harshly.

“He could have killed you.”

“Like you almost did with him?” – you finally met his gaze, even more agitated that you couldn’t even properly look him in the eyes, your fingers itching to just rip the glasses off of him in retaliation to his words cutting you deeper than you could handle.

“I wouldn’t have. Not here, anyway” – his voice grew quieter now that you were looking at him.

“Would you have if you weren’t in this town?”

“Yeah.”

You furrowed your brows, squeezing his hand a bit harder than you needed to, the pad of your thumb accidentally pressing directly into a sore spot, yet eliciting no reaction from Hyunjin.

“Him grabbing your arm like that… It made me angry. I’ve never wanted to protect someone else. I’m sorry, I’m bad at communicating, I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve spent so many days with another person” – he started to ramble as you resumed to desinfect his other hand.

“Nomads sometimes fight over safe places to sleep, food. Sometimes you get attacked because someone deemed a path ‘theirs’ and not yours to walk.”

He’s silent for a few heartbeats, pondering over how best to phrase the next thing he wanted to tell you. You finished bandaging him but kept staring at his large hand in yours. A fleeting thought of kissing his bandaged knuckles passes by.

“I guess I felt possessive.”

That makes you look up at him. His lips were reddened and raw, he must have been biting them nervously, tongue gliding over them to soothe the pain. You wondered what they felt like. The constant back and forth between wanting to put as much distance as you could and wanting to get as close to him as you humanly could made your head ache.

“Over me?” – you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He hummed.

“But not in a… in a way I would feel possessive over food. No, not like that.”

“I know what you mean, Hyunjin.”

Hearing his name from your lips in such a gentle tone made him shut up again. He swallowed around the lump that formed in his throat unknowingly.

Your hands were still connected on his lap, neither of you moving to remove them. You could still feel him tremble slightly against you, despite his stoic demeanor and steady voice.

For a moment, the world outside of your small bathroom didn’t matter anymore, as you sat cramped together with him, just holding eachother’s hands in silence.

The temporary rift between you two would mend itself, you were sure of it.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder what used to be in the empty frame in your living room. It clearly was a sore point for you since you avoid any and all mention of it and whenever he alluded to it, you changed the subject as fast as you could. Although the sandstorm would be in a few days, he wanted to alleviate your pain before he left this town behind again.

Sometimes, when the two of you sit together to eat dinner, a layer of sadness seemed to be cast over you, the quiet allowing all the loud thoughts to rise up to the surface and plague your mind. Your usually long-winded answers cut short to the bare minimum, your smile contorted to a strained one. There seemed to be something hidden beneath that cheery exterior.

When you’re busy in your room tinkering with some gadgets that were loaded off at your house this morning, Hyunjin took the opportunity to further inspect the frame in its fullness. The little hooks look like they’re specifically tailored to hold up a weapon and there’s a small indent in the frame where said weapon could lean against to avoid falling out.

“A hunting knife…” – he whispered to himself as he put the puzzle pieces together. That knife must mean something to you if you went through all this trouble to have something handmade just to display it.

“It belonged to my grandmother, she handcrafted it when she was younger and used it until she passed. Then it belonged to my mother, who took care of it until she decided to run away with a nomad. And then… it belonged to me, until I got fucked over by one of the nomads who think they’re better than us. Tossed it to a sandworm and that was it.”

Your usual bubbly exterior was gone for the moment as you stood on the stairs behind him, a bitter expression finding its place to your face, a rage Hyunjin had never before seen coursing through your entire body, making your hands tremble. Hyunjin lowered his head in a silent apology at his prying yet you waved his apology away with a swift hand.

“It’s whatever. I’m not getting it back, I should probably get rid of the frame anyways.”

“When did that happen?” – Hyunjin dared to ask cautiously. It was a wonder that you still let him live with you after what had transpired the other day and he didn’t want to throw away the second chance you had so graciously given him. His desire to stay close to you growing steadily.

“A month or two ago, I don’t really remember the exact day” – you sighed as you carefully took the frame off the wall.

Suddenly, Hyunjin clapped his hands together loudly before running off to his room, leaving you to stand there baffled by his sudden exit. Leaving him to do whatever he needed to do, you gave a last kiss to the frame before putting it away in your storage.

When you came back out, Hyunjin stood there, half clad in his gear while the rest of it lay scattered around him.

“Hyunjin?”

“The biggest sandworms, all those who would have survived swallowing a knife the size of yours, have extremely slow digestion.” – he excitedly explained as he pushed some of his desert gear into your arms before going back to securing all his ropes and jackets to his body.

“That means, if we find the one that ate it, we can just… cut it out and it’ll be as good as new! Sandworms are similar to your people, they don’t really move away from their birthplaces, so it probably still lives around here.”

You shook your head erratically, your hand coming up to rest on his bicep.

“Hyunjin, I… I’ve never left this town, I can’t go and hunt a sandworm!?”

Both of his hands now came up to grip your shoulders tightly while he grinned that brilliant smile at you that you dearly missed.

“You’re not gonna hunt a sandworm, birdie! I will! You’re just gonna point it out to me! And I assure you we’ll be back before the sandstorm hits.”

You gaped at him and even though you were still somewhat in refusal of this sudden quest, somehow he got you into all of that desert gear regardless.

He was insane. All nomads were insane. How could he suggest hunting a sandworm with a smile like that?

Maybe you were insane for letting him simply drag you outside of the village after stocking up on provisions and telling the most important people you were going to be out for a day or two, too.

“Hyunjin, I’m going to die.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“No, I really think this is the end for me.”

Hyunjin sighed loudly at your whining, his boots coming to a stop in the scorching hot sand. He took a look around, finding nothing but the vast desert around the two of you, save for a few rock formations. He knows if you pull through, you could get to an oasis before the end of the day and camp there.

“Are you sure you can’t continue?”

As he looked over to your slouched form, hands braced on your knees and gasping for air, he felt bad for pushing you so far. It was easy to forget that not everyone could match his pace, too long has it been since he traveled with someone by his side.

“Put on my backpack” – he slung the bag off his back and offered it to you and you glared at him.

“I just said I’m dying and now you want me to carry your shit?”

Maybe this really was a bad idea. You were going to die in the desert and Hyunjin was going to have to bury you out here. All because of that damn knife.

Yes, it may have been in family possession for many years but the attachment was never to your family, to the knife itself but rather an attachment toward everything staying the same around you. Change like a knife your mother had always told you to take extra care of disappearing from your life rattled you.

And it seemed so silly now.

You could have been spending this time mending the rift with Hyunjin in the safety of your own home. A home you had never left because of several reasons. Not dying to a sandworm being one of them.

And now he was mad at you for being so unathletic, slowing him down on this trek where it seemed like it was his life’s calling to be in the wilderness. He was going to hate you, think you were weak and not want to speak to you anymore after you were done here. With the frustration growing in your body, tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

“I can’t carry you with my backpack on, so we’re going to have to find a temporary solution. You’ll carry my backpack, I’ll carry you” – he softly said and one of his gloved hands came up to wipe away some of the tears that did spill over.

With you secured safely on his back, Hyunjin impressively kept his pace towards his destination without too much trouble despite the added weight on his back.

“Sorry about all this” – you whispered beside his head and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it, if I didn’t want to do it. Now, be quiet.”

And he carries you the entire way without any complaint, as if you were always part of his travels.

-

The two of you arrive at a small oasis in the middle of nowhere where he sets both you and his camping equipment down. While you busy yourself with getting the tent set up, Hyunjin stretches and groans loudly as his back lets out a few cracks.

As soon as the tent stands, you hurry inside it, neither of you wanting to stay in the cold outside any longer. You sit there awkwardly, your thighs and shoulders touching due to the tent being meant for one person only. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind, or at least he doesn’t show it, rummaging around in his backpack for the food you brought.

Dinnertime again starts out as silently as always before you gather you courage to ask him a couple of question that were threatening to drive you insane.

“Why are you doing all this for me?” – you ask, voice small and quiet in the silence of the tent.

Hyunjin hums around his food at first, seemingly thinking over how he could phrase his answer.

“Because I want to.”

“That can’t be all of it. If you think I can pay you with riches and gold, I think you chose the wrong person to stay with” – you say half as a joke but it still stings in your chest to voice that thought out loud. That all of this was purely for his gain.

“Why do you help in the canteen? Or help Bahari with the weapon maintenance? Aside from the spices, we both know you don’t really need those” – Hyunjin puts his food away to turn his entire attention towards you, the glasses of his goggles softly reflecting the low light of your lamp.

“I’ve found my food makes people happy… and Bahari always has so much work, I just want to help him out. What does that have to do with you?”

He smiles again and touches your cheek gently.

“Well, little bird, why do you think I’m helping you?” – his voice is low, the small smile on his plush lips growing into something more playful, dangerous.

You want to answer him but find yourself at a loss for words. The distance between you two is practically zero. He’s so close and you think you might die for real in a few seconds if he keeps this up.

“I told you, I’ve felt possessive over you. I’ve grown to like you quite a lot over the past week” – he begins and suddenly he seems to be even closer. Is he leaning closer?

“If finding this knife brings some peace and happiness back to your life, then I’ll gladly find that stupid sandworm and get it back.”

The air between you two shifted. A hand of his laid gently atop your thigh just above your knee in fear that anything higher would scare you off. The skin he touched tingled like you were electrified.

He hummed, suddenly confident that something else had to come first if he wanted to close the gap between you two further, the sudden absence of his hand causing the skin he touched to be exposed to the cold again.

Yet your breath became stuck in your throat when you realised what he was doing when his hands came up to his face, taking ahold of the goggles that had been in your way since the very first day.

The seconds he took to glide the goggles off his head were the longest in your life but all the more worth it once you finally could take his entire face in. The goggles had left little imprints on his cheekbones and around his eyes. Meanwhile, his eyes were sharp but kinder than you expected, the final puzzle piece of his face clicking into place.

The corner of his right eye was blemished, a nasty scar eating away at the side of his face yet it didn’t take away from his beauty. You don’t think anything could make him less pretty.

“I don’t think anyone’s seen my face in… I don’t know actually” – he said a little breathless, a nervous chuckle escaping his throat.

“You’re really pretty, Hyunjin” – and he knows you mean it with the way your eyes sparkle in the dim light as you look at him in awe.

And here in the same dim light you see the exhaustion in his eyes that the nomad lifestyle in this age brings with it, constantly on the run, entirely alone for most of you life, yet as free as the birds that fly in the sky. You briefly wonder what sights these eyes have already seen in their life.

He smiles at your words and now that you can see his entire face light up, you find his smile even more stunning. His eyes crinkle up as he smiles and it might become your new favorite part of him.

With his heart thumping steadily against his chest, Hyunjin felt like taking another risk, now that he was already here, bearing his most vulnerable parts to you. Something he had never expected he would ever do again to anyone in this lifetime though he had always wished it would happen.

His hand finds its way onto your thigh again and this time he leans closer to you more noticeably.

“Can I kiss you, y/n?”

You don’t think, you can’t even think, your mind too jumbled to form a coherent sentence, so you dumbly nod at him.

In an eagerness you hadn’t seen from him before, a man usually so calculated and precise in his movements, his lips crashed into yours, your teeth somewhat painfully clacking together but neither of you care.

Effortlessly, he began to crowd your space, coming ever so close to your body, almost seating himself in your lap. Feeling a little mean, your hands found the back of his thighs and you pulled him into your lap properly, his legs now on either side of you.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, momentarily disconnecting your lips to chuckle into the quiet air of the tent. You had to giggle yourself.

Not everyone could say they had a scary nomad sitting on their lap like this. Yet here you were, your heart currently on cloud nine as his giggles filled your ears. And even though you could listen to him for hours, right now, you wanted his lips back on yours more than anything else.

So you tilted his head back towards you with your fingertips and your lips found eachother again.

His hands were everywhere, yet his touches were softly unsure. They glided up your arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake before settling against your neck and jaw.

Both of your touches grew more eager, your kiss deepening, tongues sliding against each other, hands slipping under clothes. Your fingertips bumped against the ridges of his scars, finding he had more of them on his torso.

Your mind was filled with him, him and him. His soft groans, his movements against you, his scent, his warmth. You couldn’t get enough of him.

The chill of the desert night meant nothing when the air in the tent felt like it kept heating up as garments were shed. Hands roaming over stomachs and chests, fingers catching on nipples, noises muffled by eachother’s lips.

Hyunjin eventually found himself pushed back into the haphazardly thrown together bed, his back supported by the few pillows that you allowed yourselves to bring. He was a sight to behold. A beauty you had never before assigned to another person before. Despite his body seeming all sharp lines, there was a softness to his edges. Moles scattered around his skin that seemed like they were placed deliberately and with care and so much love you felt the need to kiss and worship every single one of them.

The ragged lines of scars here and there, small and big, some faded to a dusty pink, others still dark and noticeable. Hyunjin felt shy under your gaze despite there not being a reason to, so he was glad when you seemed to be broken out of your stupor and continued to let your fingers wander under the waistband of his boxers, a prominent bulge already straining against the fabric.

His thighs twitched when his erection was finally freed from its confines, slapping lightly against his stomach. Hyunjin looked irresistible like this, laid back on his elbows, eyebrows furrowed in need. In the mood to tease and to indulge your own desires a bit, you leaned over him to leave open-mouthed kisses down his neck, giving special attention to every mole that you came across.

Meanwhile, Hyunjin started growing restless beneath you, hips bucking into nothing in a desperate attempt to gain some friction, yet he wouldn’t even begin to think about begging, wanting just as much as you to prolong this night, not knowing what was going to happen the next day.

He was red and sensitive beneath you. A small, sticky pool of precum had already formed on his stomach. You placed your lips softly against his head, eliciting another debauched sound from him. He could cry from you finally paying attention to his painfully hard length. You chuckled at his reaction, granting him another soft kiss.

Hyunjin’s fingers tangled themselves into your hair as your lips finally wrapped around him. Your hands massaged his twitching inner thighs before settling at the base of his cock, squeezing it rhythmically and taking more of him into your mouth.

“You’re being so good to me, little bird” – Hyunjin’s voice was raspier than usual. His fingernails scratched against your scalp and the slight tension he held on your hair make you whimper against his length. It was a nice surprise that Hyunjin was so beautifully vocal. Pretty noises were escaping his throat at the feeling of your wet mouth around him.

Despite his hold on you, he made no moves to force you down or guide you, simply keeping his hand in your hair. His abs tensed and the coil building in stomach wound tighter and tighter with every time your tongue swirled around his head.

Before he could lose himself completely in the pleasure, he gently pried you off of him, a layer of sweat already covering his body. He lovingly guided you to lay you down in his place.

“Nomads usually return their host’s kindness” – he said, voice far unsteadier than he intended and it made you giggle. His lips connected to the junction of your neck to bite and suck his way down to the apex of your legs.

Your thighs were already coated in your own slick when Hyunjin delved between them, tongue greedily lapping up your juices. He couldn’t get enough of you, your arching back seemingly laying you across his brain as his thoughts were reduced to you, you and you, your presence disallowing any other thoughts from invading his mind.

His lips wrapped around your clit and suckled, his eyes fluttering shut. He had to stop himself from grinding against the blankets below him, not wanting to risk falling apart before he had you fully.

“You taste so good” – his voice sent vibrations right through you.

You were in total bliss, your lips raw and red from your teeth. A finger slipped inside you and it soon became two, preparing you to take him later.

“Hyunjin…” – you begged; you weren’t sure what you were begging for but Hyunjin seemingly understood your incoherent babbling better than you did, his form coming up from between your thighs, slick still coating his lips and chin.

The temporary loss of contact made you both whine, Hyunjin crawling above you, the front of his thighs knocking against yours in his hurried movements to get closer to you again. Your fingertips brushed his ribs as he kissed you, spit mixing with your own essence.

Desperate, so desperate were your movements. Keep him close, closer screamed your brain at you, your arms circling around the back of his head to pull him into you as he grabbed the base of his cock, equally as desperate to be even closer to you.

Something between you had shifted and while you were teasing and playing with eachother a moment ago, there was a sense of urgency to close the gap between you now. He inserted himself slowly, making both of you moan at the breach, your fingernails digging little crescent moons into his shoulder blades.

Your bodies moved in sync against each other needily, grabbing flesh wherever you could, squeezing as if it would bring you two closer, merge him and you together so that you would never have to part. The sound of your gasps and skin slapping together filled the silence of the tent.

One particularly hard thrust to your sweet spot had you clenching around him, fast approaching your high.

“Hyunjin! Fuck” – you wanted to say something to him, anything that would convey just half of what was swirling around in your head at the moment.

“You feel so good around me, y/n. Never want to leave” – he rasped as he hugs your body tighter to his.

“Don’t have to. Stay with me” – you almost sobbed against him, overwhelmed by the emotions in your chest and the pleasure you’re feeling. Your lips haphazardly kiss the side of his face.

“Please. Stay…” – you repeat, hoping it doesn’t fall on deaf ears as his hips begin to stutter against yours, one of his hands sliding down to rub at your bundle of nerves, hoping to tip you over the edge.

And he does, the tight coil in your stomach snapping as you let go and come around his cock with a loud moan against his sweaty skin. His release soon after coated your insides as he rides you through your highs, before his body collapsed on top of yours, face nuzzling into your neck, breathing you in.

You held onto eachother for a while, just basking in the warmth and closeness you shared for this moment.

Despite not saying a thing to each other, there was something looming in the air. The reality that Hyunjin would leave, soon after the sandstorm had passed. Your hearts now intertwined, how much would it hurt if you severed the connection by force? How much would your heart bleed as you watched him go on his way, leaving you behind?

Tears gathered in your eyes as you sighed shakily and pressed his comfortingly warm body further into you, inhaling his scent, hoping you would memorise his entire existence and how it felt to have him just for one night.

Hyunjin was equally lost in thought as his cheek rested against your collarbone, utterly spent. His chest constricted at the thought of having to leave. He had thought briefly about staying behind with you, adapting to a settled life but he had always enjoyed and craved the freedom that came with a nomadic lifestyle. Would he choose you over it regardless?

The loss of warmth on your chest broke you out of your stupor to see Hyunjin rummaging around to clean the two of you up, all of it so gentle it made you want to cry.

He helped you dress back up before settling in for the night, offering his arm up for you to sleep on which you gladly take, making yourself comfortable against his chest.

No words were spoken, both you and Hyunjin too afraid to break the illusion that this is permanent.

Sleep didn’t come to you easily and when it did, it’s entirely dreamless.

The next day already looks much different. Neither of you mention the activities of last night and get to walking the last amount of distance as soon as you’re properly awake.

Hyunjin observes your surroundings and seemingly deems it the right place, stopping in his tracks in front of a cave.

“This seems to be the nest” – he starts, kicking up some sand.

“I’m gonna put out the bait then we’ll hide. Shouldn’t take too long to attract most of them” – his voice was strangely monotone. This long quest of walking all the way here to get your knife back suddenly seemed hollow.

The nomad takes something wrapped in cloth out of his backpack and carefully places it on the ground in front of the cave before leading you to hide behind a rock formation.

“Whatever you do, don’t show yourself until I say so, sandworms can’t really see well above ground but once they notice you, they’ll give chase” – he explains but hands you one of his daggers as a safety precaution. The last thing he needs was you dying to one of these dumb worms.

You hide behind the rock formations, clutching the dagger like a lifeline as Hyunjin leaves when he hears the first few signs of movement in the ground. His initial is etched into the hilt and it seems like this dagger in particular was handcrafted.

Sounds of struggle and the roars of several sandworms reach your ears. How many did that sound like? Two? Five? It was hard to tell apart.

What if he was already hurt? What if there were too many? Your fingers clutch the dagger tighter in your hands, mentally rallying yourself to jump out of your hiding to support him. You could die. But what if your support saved him?

Letting out one last steadying breath, it takes all your courage to step out of your hiding, ready to face however many sandworms were circling around Hyunjin, his dagger pointed towards the direction of the cave.

Only to find Hyunjin already digging through monster guts nonchalantly.

He jolts momentarily and you assume it’s because he heard the sand crunching underneath your boots, yet he keeps digging in the innards without acknowledging you, suddenly so reminiscent of the first day you met.

“They weren’t even that big. Can’t even bring them back to eat them. Shame” – he murmurs, probably more to himself than to you.

He lets out a small ‘ah’ before fishing out the dagger you came out here to retrieve, holding it against the light as unidentifiable juices drip from it.

“Dagger found.”

Yet you don’t feel like celebrating.

-

The way back wasn’t nearly as exhausting and eventful. Hyunjin and you kept the conversation to a minimum, focusing on covering as much distance as you could.

Back in your home, you cleaned the dagger thoroughly. Very thoroughly, the mental image of where it used to be still flickering in your mind; the frame in your living room back in its place and the dagger atop the hooks designated for it.

The sandstorm was predicted to start this night and even though you were deadly tired from your wandering, Hyunjin and you stocked up before barricading yourselves into your home.

He was off doing whatever in his room while you tinkered with another seemingly broken gadget. You knew you could fix it, there was just one little thing you had to repair and it would work again, you were sure of it.

Yet the stupid piece of long lost technology didn’t cooperate with you, refusing to work, to show any sign of life. And then your screwdriver slipped and you nicked yourself into the finger, blood quickly rising to the surface to seep out of the miniscule scratch.

That was enough to make you break down in tears finally. Frustrated that this stupid thing didn’t obey you. Or was that it? In the back of your mind, the thoughts of Hyunjin leaving you behind without a second thought kept swirling around, never really leaving you alone.

You were frustrated with him. Angry, that he didn’t just say ‘yes, I’ll stay with you forever’ and settled down together with you. But that wouldn’t be fair to him, would it?

He always called you birdie, picked it up from Bahari, yet you wanted to snatch him up and rip his wings off, forcing him to stay on the ground together with you. Would it be so hard for you to grow wings and join him in the air?

As the tears freely flowed from your eyes, device long abandoned in front of you at the table, Hyunjin watched you.

“Do you have games to play during the storm? I don’t really want to sleep through it or sit around and do nothing.”

You hastily wiped away any stray tears on your cheeks and hoped you looked somewhat stable when you looked back at him. He had entirely forgone the mask and goggles in your home now, feeling comfortable with you seeing his entire face by now. It was comforting. That way you could see his softened gaze sweep over your form.

“Yeah, but uh… it’s a dumb card game and it’s-… I find it fun but it’s too complicated and-“

“Explain it to me then” – he sat down across from you, smiling softly.

You sniffed and nodded silently, retrieving the small box in which you found the cards. And so you started explaining in great detail the rules and workings of a card game that someone in your village made up some twenty years ago that either clicks immediately with you or just thinking about its existence gives you a headache.

Hyunjin was an excellent learner, you found out. He had to ask every now and then for a repeat of a specific rule or what he should do in a certain situation but overall he learned the game rather quickly.

Too quickly. In your third game he came scarily close to beating you and it felt kind of embarassing. The worries that swirled in your mind temporarily dissipated as you two lovingly teased each other whenever someone made a dumb play.

The sandstorm was in full force, your windows and doors rattling beneath their barricades but since this wasn’t your first one, it didn’t scare you.

What scared you more was that by the end of the night, Hyunjin had you in his lap, as if nothing happened. Despite trying to ignore each other to make your parting less painful, you couldn’t keep away, lips meeting sloppily as you licked into his mouth needily.

He grinded up into you, the fabric of his pants catching deliciously on your core, making you whimper into his mouth. He grabbed handfuls of your ass to guide your movements against him, aiming to give as much pleasure to you as he could.

“Come with me” – he breathes against you, lips latching onto your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses in their wake.

“Leave with me, we’ll travel together” – his clothed cock strained against his pants painfully, desperate to be touched.

Your sanity was hanging on by a thread at this point, his needy moans right in your ear as he voiced his wish was driving you insane. Your hands found the zipper of his pants, clumsily freeing his cock from its confines and wasting no time to get your hands on him, pumping him in fast up-and-down motions.

“y/n…” – his moans raised in pitch. He looked so pretty like this, you thought. All disheveled hair sticking to his forehead and lips red and puffy. His eyes are trained on where your hand is wrapped around his cock, watching the way you stroke him.

“Fuck… Fuck, please…” – he keened and his hips met your movements, fucking up into your hand desperately.

Your hand glides a few more times over his length before he spills his release all over your fingers with a drawn out moan. You leaned up to pepper his face with a few kisses.

“You did so good, Jinnie” – you whispered with one last kiss to his pretty lips. You climb off him to lick your hand and his dick clean of his own release, eliciting another groan from the man above you.

In true nomad fashion, Hyunjin returned the favor, two of his fingers continously abusing your sweet spot a moment later, his voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear that you could barely process the meaning of.

You watched as his fingers disappeared into your heat, your wetness causing obscene squelching noises.

“Even taking my fingers so well, aren’t you, little bird?” – he kissed the shell of your ear. His thumb started circling your clit for even more stimulation.

It didn’t take long for you to clench down on him as you reached your high, juices spilling over his fingers that he licked clean just like you did.

Even after you had cleaned up and cuddled up to each other in your bed, the sandstorm raged on.

Your fingers traced idle patterns into his skin as you thought over the words he had so desperately whispered against you just a few moments ago.

There was nothing really holding you here except the knowledge that your family had spent their lives in this exact same spot. You wouldn’t be missed in the canteen, easily replaced by one of the other people who were excellent at cooking. Maybe Bahari would have more work to do without you but nothing impossible.

Could a flightless bird really learn to fly?

Some birds had to learn that the hard way. Their mothers believing in their ability and tossing them out of the safe nest.

Maybe it was your time to leave the nest, too.

The sandstorm was over and so Hyunjin had packed his things and stocked up on food. He secured his goggles and mask onto his face, veiling himself back into obscurity.

He would miss this town, some of the strange characters living here had wormed themselves into his heart in the short while he had lived amongst them. One of the locals especially, who had accepted him into her home without much thought. Someone who had quickly become something he would liken to a feeling of ‘home’ that he never had a concept of before.

Hyunjin sighed and kicked up some dirt, slowly growing impatient. He wanted to be on his way already.

“Sorry!”

There it was. Now they could maybe get at least close to the distance he wanted to cover.

“You’re late.”

You huffed and pointed to your own backpack.

“I don’t usually run with half my weight on my back, give me a break!”

Hyunjin tilted his head at your response, an amused smile finding its way onto his lips as you pouted up at him.

“Get used to it, I can’t carry you all the time, birdie.”

He rummaged in his sidebag for a moment before producing a similar pair of mask and goggles for you, fitting to his. You immediately struggled to put it on, confused with how the mask is supposed to be clicked into place.

Hyunjin sighed again and helped you attach everything to your face, but not before giving you a quick peck to your lips.

“Do I look as cool as you?” – you twirled for him, striking a pose.

“Every nomad is going to fear you and I’ll hide behind you, swooning over my cool girlfriend who can definitely protect me” – he freed a lock of your hair from beneath one of the straps of your equipment.

“That’s right!”

And so your nomadic lifestyle alongside Hyunjin began.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad to get used to someone slowing your wanderings down if it meant that sights that Hyunjin had seen countless times before elicited the biggest, sparkliest eyes so filled with wonder in you.

For that he didn’t mind stopping, resting his wings for a bit.

-

taglist: @jeonginsleftcheek @moonchild9350

[tsukirecs]

A Hard Day at the Office

⟶ pairing: Jin x Female Reader

⟶ word count: 6k+ 18+ // mdni

⟶ genre: angst, smut, fluff, coworkers to lovers au

⟶ content: officeworker!jin, hobi is a sneaky bestie, reader's inner voice is a ho and her name is IVY (aka "Inner Voice"), IVY does a lot of internal monologuing

⟶ warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content: kissing/making out, groping, unprotected sex (don't do it kids!), nipple play, oral (f. receiving), markings (hickeys & other bruising), a bit of dirty talk, fingering, teasing, multiple orgasms…

↬ a/n: this is based on Jin's promo photos from 'HAPPY'. The girls in our BTS discord group asked (i.e. begged) me to write Jinfic based on those pics, especially the one where he's on the floor laying on a chair and SMIRKING! And thank you to my gal, Nightshade for giving Inner Voice a name. IVY may make an appearance again in a future fic.

You were slightly confused as to why you were being called to your CEO’s office in the middle of the day. As far as you were aware, you hadn’t done anything worthy of being fired or getting demoted as the office manager.

You knocked on the solid oak door and was bade to enter. You stepped inside, schooling your features so you didn’t look as nervous as you felt.

”You wanted to see me, sir?” you asked politely.

”Yes, please sit, Y/n.”

”Am I in trouble, sir?” you asked as you sat before his desk. He looked at you in surprise for a moment before he burst out laughing.

”Absolutely not. You’re one of my best managers in this company. Firing you would be like cutting off my left leg and I’m right handed.” he chuckled. You breathed a sigh of relief, smiling at the same time. “I called you in here because we have a new employee I need you to train.”

”Oh! I’m guessing they’re taking Geena’s spot?”

Geena, who had been your assistant, had recently gotten married and decided she wanted to be a stay-at-home wife. There hadn’t been the time to fill her position as it was one of the more busy seasons for the advertising firm.

”They are, or rather, he is.” He pointed to a spot over your shoulder and you turned in your seat to look. All the air was knocked from your body as you got a good look at the man standing there. You vaguely heard your boss introduce him.

Kim Seokjin… who would become your greatest weakness in the coming months.

But you did the job you were paid to do and trained him. He was a fast learner.

Kim Seokjin, quiet, shy and introverted, but also a very hard worker.

He grabbed your notice the moment you met him. Tasked with training him to be as good if not better than Geena was no hardship. But he made you so flustered and nervous, it was hard not to act foolish in front of him.

The January Coffee Incident comes to mind. The absolute worst day in the world that you chose to wear an all white suit to work.

You had been walking and going over some things with one of the project technicians when he came into the office. He looked absolutely gorgeous in a navy blue sweater, black framed glasses and white pants. He saw you and gave you a warm smile in greeting.

You tripped over your own two feet, crashed into a nearby desk and knocked your iced coffee all over yourself, soaking you from neck to groin to the point where everything became practically see-through.

And he witnessed the whole thing.

The ice made your nipples hard and you were unaware that his eyes had given you a very slow once over.

You couldn’t really avoid him after that day since he had the desk directly across the aisle from yours.

He was friendly to everybody, would go out of his way to help anyone in need. Including you, even though you felt like the world’s biggest klutz whenever you were around him.

The January Coffee Incident again comes to mind. You never wore a white suit to work ever again.

Sad to say – you developed a really huge crush on him.

Your best friend, Hoseok liked to tease you about it every chance he got. He kept encouraging you to talk to Seokjin but you refused, not wanting to make a fool of yourself any more than you already had. You had yet to even have a full personal conversation with him. You still felt like an awkward monkey whenever he was near, stealing glances when you thought he wasn't looking.

It was better for you to admire from a distance, much to Hoseok's annoyance.

You forgot how devious your best friend could be.

Seokjin had been working in your department for nearly a year now.

You noticed he had some quirky habits that made him even more attractive in your eyes.

He listened to cassette tapes on a Walkman™ of all things while he worked. Something that became obsolete back in the early 2000's. The one time you walked by his desk, you could hear the faint sounds of The Beach Boys “Surfin' USA” coming from the tiny speakers. It made you chuckle.

He also liked to flip his pen around his fingers. You watched him do this for nearly 5 minutes straight once, mesmerized by how flexible his fingers were.

Your cheeks warmed when you thought about other ways his fingers might be flexible.

During a meeting, you were tagged by your boss to work together on part of a project due at the end of the month. Surprised, you glanced at Seokjin to see him quickly look away from you, his cheeks tinted a light pink. You wondered at that.

It was a late Friday evening and you were both staying after hours to work. It had been relatively silent for the most part between the two of you but you were starting to get hungry.

You picked up your phone. “I'm going to order some dinner. Would you like anything? My treat.” You asked him, nervous about speaking to him in the first place. He'd had his music over his ears, but not loud enough to where he couldn't hear you if you spoke to him. He glanced up at you, his eyes bright behind the glasses he wore.

“Um... yeah, sure.” he replied. His voice... you'd nearly forgotten how deep it was. Usually it was pitched high when he started to sing along with his music. It made your insides feel weak.

He walked across to your desk to get a peek of the menu on your phone, hovering over your shoulder.

You could cheerfully die.

He smelled amazing! Sandalwood and vanilla were starting to become your two favorite smells.

It took everything you had in you not to turn your head and bury your nose into his neck to imprint that smell on your brain.

His arm came around your shoulder while his hand covered yours as you were holding your phone so he could use his other hand to scroll the menu and make his selections.

Was it too late to order a funeral casket?

Red alert! Red alert! Engine is overheating! Get the tech crews on it STAT!

Selections made, he turned his head to look at you. Your eyes were immediately drawn to his plush lips.

You forgot how to breathe.

Mayday! Mayday! We are going down! All hands abandon ship!

“Thanks.” he murmured. You yanked your gaze away from his lips. Something was lodged in your throat. You couldn't speak if your life depended on it. You may have said something like “You're welcome.” but you're not exactly sure if you vocalized it correctly.

Did he smirk at you as he walked back to his desk?

You might have been seeing things because this shy, introverted man did NOT just smirk at you like he knew some great secret.

You put your phone down, grabbing your bottle of water to clear the obstruction in your throat (there wasn't one, but your mouth was drier than the Sahara in winter).

And you were wet... panties-soaking wet if you were honest with yourself.

Get a grip, you horny bitch!

You wanted to listen to that voice, but it was difficult since it had been more than a year since your last serious relationship.

Oh you tried random hook ups, but they just weren't satisfying.

It was quiet once again as you went back to your individual work, your heart rate returning to a normal level after he was sufficiently some distance from you.

Your dinners arrived less than an hour later and you set everything up at the meeting table that was in the corner. They didn't give you napkins so you headed for the break room to get a few.

When you returned to the office, he was nowhere to be seen.

You called out his name, hearing a reply from somewhere around his desk.

Frowning, you went around the desk to see him laying on the floor, using his chair as a pillow.

He had removed his glasses and undid two buttons on his shirt and sweater.

And the look he was leveling you with...

Unconsciously your eyes slowly roamed his body from head to toe.

You tried not to squeeze your thighs together. Tried to gather your scattered thoughts, but in that moment, there was only one word you could think of in this situation.

Fuck!

“W-Why are you on the floor?”

Yay! Words! And spoken correctly! Good job!

“I've been hunched over my desk most of the evening. Stretching out my back muscles.” he replied, a small smirk on his face.

Dammit, he IS smirking!

“...oh.”

I mean, what was there to say to that?

“Want to try it?” he asked.

“In this get-up?” You waved your hand over the plum-colored suit jacket and skirt combo you had chosen to wear that day. “Don't think so.”

You started to walk to the corner table when his hand snaked out and wrapped around your bare ankle before you even stepped a foot away.

Your body jolted like lightning had struck you and you bit your lip hard to keep a moan from being released into the air. You nearly ripped the napkins you were holding in two pieces.

Should have worn pants today! Your inner voice cackled.

You slowly turned your head to look at him. That infernal smirk was still on his lips.

“You sure you don't want to lie down here with me? Might do you some good.”

“I'm hungry.” was your immediate response. His eyes glinted and his smirk seemed to get bigger. “For food! I want my food!” You stammered loudly, cheeks warming with embarrassment. His shoulders shook as he chuckled. You looked down at his hand (Why are his fingers so soft?) still around your ankle.

“Oh... sorry.” he stated, slowly releasing you. He wasn't sorry at all.

Did this fucker run his hand over my calf? Your inner voice was having a serious meltdown. Honestly, you were too, but you were going to ignore it.

You moved to the table where your dinner's sat, ignoring the sound of him getting to his feet behind you. You could feel his eyes on you like the sun on your back on a hot day. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was making you hot and bothered (even though he probably already had an idea).

You need to get laid, sister! Your inner voice taunted. You wanted to punch that voice in the throat.

“Drink?” he murmured against your ear, sandalwood and vanilla permeating your senses once again. You clenched the plastic fork in your hand, nearly breaking it. You moved away from him, trying to be subtle about it, but you knew he was watching.

Where the hell has this cocky sonofabitch been for the last year?

“Yes, please.” You finally answered him. You got a breather from his overwhelming presence as he headed toward the vending machine at the other end of the office.

What was happening right now?

How did someone so unassuming hold such power over you and so quickly?

“Has to be the glasses...” You muttered.

He returned with the drinks, placing one in front of you. You noticed it was your favorite and it set you wondering how he knew.

Turning back into the gentleman you knew him to be (and wasn't that just deceiving?), he pulled your chair out for you before taking the seat right next to you.

Fuck me!

You decided to try and ignore him, browsing your social media on your phone while you ate. But you were so consciously aware of him on a level you've never felt before.

Somehow you managed to choke down your dinner, even though you tasted none of it.

Gathering your waste, you headed to the trash bin to dispose of it. You turned to head back to your desk and nearly ran face first into his chest. You jumped back in surprise.

Fuck, when did he move so quickly and why didn't I hear him?

“Um... we've got work to finish.” You stated. Surprisingly, he stepped aside and let you pass, but not before he drew his hand across your hip as you did.

You felt that touch through your entire body, making your woman parts throb with want.

You sat back at your desk as he went to his, but you couldn't concentrate very well. After about 2 hours and with a frustrated sigh, you put everything away, saving what you had been working on from your computer. It was 11 in the evening. He glanced up from his own work to stare at you.

“It's late. I'm tired. I'm going to head home and continue this on Monday.” You stated, getting to your feet and grabbing your coat. He jumped to his feet as well.

“I'll walk you out.”

“No, you stay and finish. I'll see you Monday.”

“It's alright. I don't mind. And I’m starting to go cross-eyed staring at my screen.” he insisted, slipping on his coat and his glasses as he shut down his computer.

You wanted to groan in frustration. He was making it very difficult for you not to tackle him to the floor.

You thought you'd be okay... until you got into the elevator.

Stuck in a box, smelling sandalwood and vanilla for 10 floors. Great.

It was snowing when you finally made it out of the building and you took a deep breath of the winter air to clear your sinuses.

“May I drive you home? I don't think you're going to get a cab or Uber this late.” he asked.

Bitch, don't you dare say no! This is your chance! your inner voice yelled.

You wanted to say no, not give in to that temptation. But you saw the earnest look on his face, the boyish grin that was anything but innocent (little did you know!). You took out your phone and saw that no cabs, Ubers or buses were running and wanted to groan in annoyance.

“Yeah, thank you.” you finally sighed, defeated. You tried to ignore the smile on his face at your capitulation as he lead the way to his car.

And of course his car smelled like sandalwood and vanilla…

Kill me now! You yelled out in your head. Your inner voice was suspiciously silent, but you felt they were smirking at you.

After giving him directions, it was a quiet ride to your home, a small two story on the outskirts of town you had inherited from your grandparents when they passed away. You tried not to stare at his hands as they manipulated the steering wheel. You don't know when you had become so obsessed with his fingers. You got lost in a fantasy of him running those fingers over your naked body and bit back a whimper, turning away in embarrassment as he took a quick glance at you.

You missed the smirk on his face that time.

The headlights of his car illuminated against the front of your home as he pulled into your driveway. He killed the engine as you removed your seatbelt, hand on the door ready to step out.

”Um, thanks for the ride, Seokjin.” you managed to say.

”You’re welcome. And please, call me Jin. I prefer it.”

”Jin.” you nodded. You were both silent for a moment, neither knowing what to say. You finally took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping out of the car. You carefully made your way to the front door, mentally reminding yourself to shovel and salt the driveway and sidewalk in the morning. You could feel eyes watching you and you waited until you got your door unlocked and opened before you turned to look. He gave you a wave, which you returned before he started his car to leave…

Or, at least he tried to start the car.

It made a whirring sound as if it wanted to start and you watched as the headlights dimmed before going out all together, the engine slowly dying.

You knew that sound.

He had a dead battery.

You watched as his head dropped to his steering wheel and you honestly felt bad for him. You went back down, knocking on his driver’s side window. He opened the door.

”You may as well come inside. You’re not going to get a mechanic out here this late.” you offered.

”I don’t want to impose.” he sighed.

”You can’t sleep in your car, Jin. It’s snowing and it’s supposed to drop below zero tonight. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it.” you replied.

”Thanks, I appreciate it. And I’m sorry about this.” You backed away as he climbed from the car, pocketing the keys as he locked it.

”Not your fault. Stop apologizing.” you returned, leading the way into the house.

You locked the door after you were both inside, turning on the lamp next to the couch to get some light in the room. It was slightly chilled in the air and you went to the thermostat to turn up the heat.

”You have a beautiful home.” He spoke behind you. You glanced over your shoulder to see him removing his jacket and shoes as he looked around at your holiday decorations.

”Thank you, it belonged to my grandparents.” you replied. “Um… would you like a hot chocolate or tea. Coffee?” You wondered, removing your suit jacket to leave you in a beige silk tank and your skirt. You turned to place the jacket over the back of the chair, missing his slow perusal of your body from head to toe and licking his lips in want.

”No coffee. I won’t be able to sleep.” he replied, pulling his eyes back to your face when you turned to look at him. The look of innocence on his handsome face should have had alarm bells ringing in your head, but you were tired and foggy-brained.

”Hot chocolate?” you asked.

”Please.” he nodded. You turned and headed for the kitchen, turning the light on over the stove before grabbing two mugs from the cabinet. You placed the kettle on the stove, turning the temperature up high before turning to get a couple of hot cocoa packets.

When you turned back to the counter, he was standing before you. You jumped back in surprise.

”You have got to stop sneaking up on me!” you burst out without thinking.

That damn smirk made its reappearance.

”Do I make you nervous?” He wondered, stepping closer. You stepped back, shaking your head.

”N-No.”

”Seems like I do.” He replied, taking another step. You backed up another and felt yourself hit the counter.

”Y-You don’t make me nervous at all.” You stammered, staring at him with wide eyes.

He stepped into your personal bubble, placing his hands on the counter behind you and trapping you with his body.

Oh shit! He’s got you now, girlfriend! Your inner voice cheered.

“You wouldn't be lying to me would you?” he asked, voice deepening.

Oh he hit you with The Voice! Give up already! Your inner voice cackled.

“N-No.” You whispered.

You could only watch, frozen in place as he freed a hand from the counter to brush across your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin. You wanted to melt into the floor. His eyes pinned yours and your breath wheezed from you.

“Jin.” you whispered, your voice husky with want.

“I have a confession to make.” he murmured, running his fingers along the skin of your neck and down your arm. Goosebumps broke out over your entire body and you could feel your nipples harden. You bit your lip, hiding another moan.

“W-What?”

“I've been fascinated with you since the first day I met you.” he admitted, taking your hand in his. “The more I was around you, the more that feeling grew – Coffee Incident, notwithstanding.” he chuckled, making my cheeks warm.

Oh my god, he saw that whole mess!

“Huh?” You were dumbfounded and it brought you just a bit out of the haze of lust you'd been in.

His cheeks tinted pink as he nodded. “I wanted to ask you out on a date so many times. But I always became tongue-tied whenever I was within 5 feet of you.”

“...oh.”

He just keeps reducing you to one-word sentences. This is great! Your inner voice was having the time of her life right now.

You took a deep breath, and decided to take a chance.

“So what was all that? At the office?”

“A friend told me to just go for it. The worst that could happen is you'd slap me and tell me to leave you alone. Or I'd get lucky.”

Ignoring his lucky comment (because you already knew he was going to get very lucky), a sudden suspicion flew through your mind.

“Would this friend happen to go by the name Hoseok?” you asked. His face lit up and a genuine smile graced his lips, making him even more attractive and your heart threatened to jump from your chest into his hands.

“You know him?”

“Unfortunately.” you grumbled. “My ex-best friend.”

“Don't be too hard on him. He was coming from a good place.”

“Right.” you snorted, looking away. You felt your hand raised and plush lips pressed a kiss to your knuckles (they felt like pillows!), making your head snap up in surprise. He was staring directly at you.

“Would it be safe to assume you feel the same about me? Or am I reading this wrong?” he asked softly.

You swallowed hard, slowly shaking your head no after a silent moment.

“I noticed you as well.” you admitted.

Still holding your hand, he stepped closer. You felt so small next to his larger frame and you had the sudden urge to press your cheek against his chest and listen to his heart beat. But the heat in his gaze kept you rooted in place.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” he murmured, his eyes ducking to your lips and back to your eyes. The saliva dried up in your throat at his confession and your lady parts woke up and started cheering. You could water a garden with the moisture that was gathered between your thighs in that moment.

“That would be... a really bad idea...” you whispered, denying yourself what you've wanted most of the year.

You idiot! Take what the man is offering! Your inner voice screamed.

“Why?” he wondered. The kettle went off, startling you both and you ducked around him to take it off the burner, but also to breathe and cool down for a moment.

But it was not to be.

A large hand wrapped around your bicep, yanking you around. Shocked, you were poised to tell him off when his lips covered yours, surprising a gasp from your lips.

Oh my god! He's kissing you! Yesssssssssss!!!!!! Get it girlfriend!

You could practically hear your inner voice celebrating with a parade.

You'd laugh, but your brain was slowly become mush under his slowly deepening kiss.

You were drowning.

And you loved it.

A whimper stole from your lips as his tongue penetrated the seam, darting inside to map every part of your mouth he could reach, his arms going around your waist to pull you closer.

You wanted to melt.

You wanted to die.

You wanted him to strip you naked and have his way with you.

You nasty ho! That inner voice chuckled.

You moaned into the kiss as his hands moved down your body, cupping your ass cheeks and squeezing like he was checking melons at the grocery store. You made an embarrassing sound that vibrated throughout your entire body as he backed you into a wall, your arms going up and around his shoulders.

The cool surface failed to put out the raging inferno going on inside your body and your hands went to his sweater, fumbling with the buttons. He pulled away, not even bothering with the rest of the buttons on either his sweater or shirt, gripping the back firmly and pulling them completely off, losing his glasses somewhere in the process.

You could only stare as his upper torso was bared to your hungry eyes.

He was hiding all that muscle beneath those sweaters? What the fuck?

You agreed with your inner voice. The man wasn't Hercules by any means but there was some definite muscle tone. You had the sudden urge to bite him.

“I won't stop you if that's something you want to do.” he chuckled.

“Oh shit! I said that out loud, didn't I?” you laughed, embarrassed. He caged you against the wall with his body and stared down at you with a piercing gaze. You didn't know what to do with your hands, he was so close. He remedied that problem by taking them and resting them on his bare hips.

Is that... is that a V-Line????????? You could actually feel your inner voice go into orgasmic shock as your fingers lightly grazed the lines of his hips. He took a shuddering breath as he finally had your hands on his skin.

“Incidentally... I've dreamed about biting your thighs.” he murmured, ducking to place teasing kisses along your neck and shoulder.

“Fuck!” you whisper-gasped, the thought of his head between your thighs your ultimate erotic fantasy. He smiled against your neck as you swore.

You were just absolutely wrecked by this man... and you hadn't even slept with him yet.

“What do you want? Whatever it is, I'll give it to you.” he whispered into your ear. You shuddered, your eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head as his breath ghosted across your skin.

Do it... you know you want to! Your inner voice was back to cheering you on and you decided to finally listen to it. You probably would never have another opportunity.

You gently pushed him away from you. He gave you a quizzical look as you took his hand. You turned and headed for the stairs, missing the large grin on his face.

At some point it had started to snow outside and you hadn't bothered with closing the curtains in your bedroom. The moonlight streaming through the windows along with the snowfall created an ethereal romantic effect.

Releasing his hand, you turned toward him, just as he wrapped an arm around you and yanked you against his body, his lips already covering yours in a kiss so passionate, you thought your clothes would melt right off.

His hands zeroed in on the zipper of your skirt, the material pooling around your ankles as it was released from the confines of your body. You both moaned as his hands squeezed the bare skin of your ass, barely covered by your underwear, a purple thong you had, on a whim, decided to wear to work that day.

His fingers, the same ones you'd had daily (and nightly) fantasies about, dipped down between the cleft of your cheeks, instantly discovering how much you wanted him. You were drenched!

His cock, half hard most of the evening, went instant hard, pressing against your thigh to introduce itself.

The moan you let out could have counted as your most embarrassing if it wasn't for the fact he made the same exact sound.

Still holding you, his fingers still causing insane amounts of pleasure inside of you, he turned and walked backward until you both fell onto your bed. Your legs were spread on either side of his hips and he took advantage of the position, dipping deeper inside of you, making lewd squelching sounds as he thrust them in and out.

Clutching his shoulders, you rode out your pleasure on his fingers, begging him not to stop (he had no intentions of doing so until you were a moaning mess on top of him). He leaned up to nip at the skin of your neck, the pleasure spiking through you.

With a cry of his name, you came, soaking his fingers and hand in your essence, most of it dripping down your thighs and soaking into his pants. He moaned at the feel of it.

And he was not done with you.

Distracted by the pleasure still running through your limbs, he rolled you onto your back, your legs hanging off the edge of the bed. He pulled off your ruined underwear, falling to his knees between your legs and pulling the jellied limbs over his shoulders.

Before you could ask what he was doing, he was kissing and biting your thighs, his greatest desire.

You moaned lewdly as he traveled along your skin.

And then it happened, your ultimate dream and fantasy rolled into one.

You felt his tongue along your still swollen folds and your whole body arched up off the bed, a loud cry falling from your lips.

He wanted to smirk, but his mouth was busy. You were like a sweet ambrosia to him and he didn't want to stop tasting.

Your fingers slid into his hair, gripping tightly and the pleasure/pain of it made him groan against you. Your cries of pleasure made him hornier than ever. He had to be inside you and soon or he was going to combust.

You were completely wrecked. Something you thought was only a dream, now a reality. Your body didn't feel like your own anymore as he did his best to overwhelm you with pleasure.

He devoured you like a man starved. You could feel that band deep your stomach becoming tighter and tighter, your thighs beginning to shake.

His tongue went deep, touching ever part of you he could reach as he fumbled with his pants to free himself from the tight confines. He was harder than he'd ever been in his life and it was for you.

“J-Jin!” you stammered his name, that band in your stomach finally snapping as you received your second orgasm in less than an hour. He drank you in like he'd been in the desert and gotten his first drink.

You yanked on his hair after a few moments, oversensitive as he finally pulled away. You were breathing hard, body covered in a sheen of sweat as he moved up your body to kiss you. His face was wet and you could taste yourself on his tongue. You still had your tank top on. He helped you take it off, along with your bra, tossing both items somewhere in the room as his mouth surrounded a nipple, sucking and biting your skin.

You moaned beneath him, wrapping your legs around his hips to keep him close.

“I want you so much.” he whispered against your damp skin, pressing his hardness close to your still throbbing core.

“Please.” you begged him.

“C-Can I?” he moaned, rubbing himself against you. You nodded your head. “Thank you!” he moaned, not wasting another second. He needed to be inside you like he needed air to breath.

You both cried out in shock as he slid in easily. He was long and thick, more than what you were used to and he felt like heaven and hell rolled into one. He was touching every internal part of you and you clenched tightly around him. He groaned, pressing his face into your neck as his thrust started off slow and deep.

“Fuck!” you babbled, gripping his arms.

“You feel so good!” he moaned. “Better than I dreamed.”

“Jin! Oh my god!” you cried out as he went deep.

He turned his head and started licking and biting the skin of your neck, marking you as his, wanting to imprint himself into your very soul. He kept his thrusts slow, deep and steady, wanting to make this last for as long as possible.

Minutes turned into hours and you were both a debauched mess. Bodies covered in a sheen of sweat, hair plastered to your foreheads, your body and soul on fire with the desire coursing through your veins.

The man had the stamina of a bull. You lost track of how many times he made you cum. You were oversensitive, swollen but happier than you'd ever been in your life.

“Jin... please...” you moaned, exhausted.

“One more... please, one more...” he groaned, gripping your thighs. He sat up, digging his knees into the bed as he started to jackhammer himself inside of you. You cried out in absolute pleasure, clutching your arms across your breasts.

“Oh... oh my god!” you moaned loudly, feeling that band of pleasure tighten within you one more time. He bent you in half, going the deepest he'd ever been the entire night and the band snapped. Your whole body went into pleasurable shock as you came. You might have blacked out for a few moments, the pleasure was so intense.

When you were aware of your body again, Jin was laying beside you, staring at you in concern. As your eyes focused on him, he gave you a sheepish smile.

“There you are.” he whispered. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?” you wondered, your voice husky.

“I got a bit carried away.” he murmured, ears turning red in embarrassment. You giggled, turning your tired body toward him to brush a lock of hair from his forehead.

“Am I complaining?” you smiled. He was entranced by your smile and he couldn't help but lean in to kiss you. You moaned softly as he slowly pulled away.

“I could kiss you forever.” he whispered, brushing his nose against the skin of your cheek.

“I-Is that something you want?” you wondered. He paused in his kisses, drawing back to stare down at you.

“So many times I wanted to ask you out on a date. I was and still am stunned by your beauty, always getting tongue-tied and nervous. I felt like the high school nerd having a crush on the captain of the cheerleading squad if I'm being honest.” he chuckled, the sound teasing along your nerve endings.

“So... what's stopping you now?” you wondered, staring at him. His jaw dropped open in surprise before his face morphed into a smile that could light a darkened room.

“Ms. Y/n... would you do me the honor of going out on a date... with me?” he whispered.

“I would love to.” you returned. “But... on one condition...”

“Anything.” he agreed.

“Be my boyfriend?”

His eyes widened in shock and you giggled.

“What?”

“I think we've gone beyond first dates, Mr. Kim.” you giggled, waving your hand along both your naked bodies. He laughed loudly, pressing his face into your shoulder.

And there was another thing that you were endeared by – his laugh. It was the most unique laugh you'd ever heard in your life, almost sounding like wipers on a windshield.

“The company doesn't frown on its employees in relationships?” he wondered sometime later after we had cleaned up. It was going on 6 in the morning and the sun was starting to peek over the horizon.

You were both again in the kitchen. He was dressed in his pants and his shirt, neither fully buttoned so you had perfect glimpses of his bare chest and stomach. You were dressed in only a t-shirt.

You both were sharing making breakfast duties, deciding to make pancakes, eggs and bacon.

“I'll tell you a secret.” you smiled as you poured batter into the warm pan. He glanced at you attentively. “The wife of the company president used to be his secretary.”

He stared at you, eyes wide.

“I didn't know that!”

“Mhm. They've been happily married for nearly 30 years. She still works for him too, now as his assistant.”

“So, you're saying we're okay.”

“We're okay, Jinnie.” you giggled. He stared at you, ears and cheeks red. “What?”

“You called me 'Jinnie'.” he grinned.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I won't do it again if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No!” he exclaimed. “I-I like it.” he grinned, looking away. You couldn't help yourself, you leaned over and kissed his cheek, making him blush even harder.

You were hooked.

And if he conveniently forgot to call a mechanic for his car that weekend... neither of you cared.

You couldn't have sandblasted the smile from Hoseok's face if you tried when he found out what you'd spent your weekend doing and with whom.

He (Hobi) cried like a baby when you asked him to be your Best Person at your wedding 2 years later... ~The End~

[tsukirecs]

when the cherry blossoms fall. lee minho.

˖˚⊹ ꣑ৎ‎ summary : minho wasn't meant to see you there, falling for you before he even knew your name or why you were attached to that tube. fate was so cruel to bring you close, only to pull you away before he got to tell you those three little words he was keeping inside him. but when the same cruel destiny presented an opportunity to make things right, he wasn't going to let it slip away from him again.

info : lee minho × fem!reader, soulmate au, high school au, time traveling, love at first sight, drawing closer × lovely runner, fluff/angst

warnings : mentions of illness, death, hospitals, time traveling, depression, characters are aged 18/19 for half of the story, blood (i don't want to spoil the whole plot so i'll just leave it at this)

word count : 6.7k

note : bringing back one of my faves <3 i love this story to pieces

© www-hanverse 2025 ☆ do not copy, steal or repost !

The fan above him spun around with a loud creak, making more noise than giving him air. The environment was cold outside, winter still clinging onto the wind making a chill run down his spine amidst his worry for his friend. Hyunjin was far too reckless for his own good—why did he never listen to Minho? He was right after all. Doing that stupid skateboard stunt and now look what happened, Minho had to bring him to the hospital because he was almost a hundred percent sure he broke his leg.

“You're not a teenager anymore, Hyunjin,” Minho chided as Hyunjin paid him no heed, too excited to ride the skateboard that he found in the dusty boxes of his garage. Once upon a time, Hyunjin was really good at skateboarding. But it had been years since then. “At least do something normal?”

“Normal is for losers.”

He shook his head, not wanting to recount the sound of the sickening crack of the skateboard followed by his friend's wail of pain. A wave of goosebumps formed over his skin as he tried to focus on something else, like how he would tell him I told you so when he saw him about how he could be as dumb as he was seven years ago and watch him roll his eyes. He gazed at the branch of the sakura tree he could see outside the window, still bare from the snowy months.

The faint smell of soap followed by loud giggles pulled him away from his thoughts. He turned his head to the source of the sound, eyes falling on a couple young kids jumping up and down as they were surrounded by bubbles, dancing around a person sitting in a wheelchair. 

That was when he saw… you.

You blew another bout of the soapy spheres, the sunlight refracting through them creating tiny, diffused rainbows. Your eyes nearly turned into crescents, crinkling at the corners as you laughed along with the children, your smile so contagious he could feel the corners of his own lips tugging upwards. It was like the filter of his eyes changed, the world suddenly becoming more vibrant and colorful—just because of you. He didn't even notice the tube that ran along beneath your nose, the way you couldn't move your body beneath your waist, and the ill-fitting hospital gown you had on. 

Minho couldn't tear his eyes away from you, not even when a nurse approached him to inform him of Hyunjin's condition. A quick snap brought him out of his trance, his ears turning red along with his cheeks. He quietly got up and shuffled behind the nurse towards the room Hyunjin was resting in.

Over the next week, Minho visited the hospital twice a day to meet Hyunjin, once in the morning before work and once in the evening after work. A couple of their other friends came every now and then, but it was mostly just Minho.

And he wanted to keep it that way.

Not to be disrespectful to his friend but he wanted to see you without getting hounded by relentless teasing and possibly drive you away (not like he had ever spoken to you, no, this was all in his head).

There was something about you that drew Minho in, like a moth to a flame. Like he knew you from somewhere but he couldn't put a finger on it.

The following Sunday, the day Hyunjin was being discharged, Minho was there at the hospital. He was miserably failing at operating the water cooler to quench his parched throat, his ears turning pink from the effort of trying to find out why water wasn't coming out of the faucet when he turned the knob. 

“That thing has never worked,” a voice said from behind. You approached him in your wheelchair, a permanent smile on your face as you looked at him, hands folded in your lap.

“Oh…” He felt stupid. 

“Here you go,” you handed him a plastic water bottle, which he gratefully took and took a few gulps, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I've seen you a lot around here, are you unwell?”

“Oh? No, no—my friend, he did something stupid and broke his leg. I didn't want to leave him alone.”

You nodded your head. “That's sad, is he okay?”

Minho nodded. “He's okay enough to talk my ear off.” He chuckled, to which you chuckled in return. A warm, fluttery feeling rose on his chest at the thought of him making you smile. “Thank you… for the water.”

“No problem. You looked like you were going to break that.”

“Was I?” His face flushed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand sheepishly at your words. 

“What's your name?”

“Minho. What about you?”

“Y/n.”

Y/n… He liked that. He wanted to say something more, to keep talking to you so he could hear that voice of yours that made his heart tap dance in his rib cage when a group of kids ran up to you, talking over each other in excited giggles and shrieks. You laughed along with them as they tugged at your hand.

“I'm sorry, I'll see you again later?” He nodded quickly, forgetting that Hyunjin was going to be discharged, he had no reason to come back but you wanted him to come back, right? Or were you just being polite in front of the kids so he wouldn't be reduced into a pile of shame?

Despite his conflicting thoughts, he found himself visiting the hospital every day without fail, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of you and was surprised to see you waiting for him near the water cooler. That set your friendship in motion, talking endlessly every evening about anything and everything. The invisible red string that tied him to you brought him closer and closer. You were a siren and he was a sailor entranced by your voice.

The weather grew warmer, spring beginning to show itself in the trees and in the flowers. The snow covered roads were no longer a hassle to drive on and Minho could finally put away his boots, opting for a more comfortable pair of shoes for work and to visit you. Like clockwork, at five in the evening he switched off his computer, shoved his papers into his work bag and made a beeline for his car, no longer needing a map because he already knew the way.

You were there waiting for him in your room after he checked at the reception, eager to tell him more tales and funny stories, anecdotes of other patients and the kids you hung out with. Sometimes, you and him would talk for hours. Sometimes, you sat in silence, sketching away in your book while he sat beside you reading a book.

Minho showed you pictures of his three cats, which you fawned over almost immediately, cooing at the sight of the three kitties, making his heart melt. He wished he could bring them but he couldn't, so he showed you as many videos and photos as he could since they seemed to bring you immense joy.

Somedays, however, you could hardly sit up, laying down on the bed with a grimace on your face that you thought you could hide from him but he knew you were in pain. He was in pain, seeing you like that. You didn't mention it in your endless conversation, so he assumed you didn't like to talk about it.

He never asked you why you were in the hospital in the first place, why all the happiness drained out of your face when you tried to move in your wheelchair, why that tube sat above your pretty pink lips—he didn't see all that. He only saw you.

You and your wonderful smile.

You and your ability to light up his world.

You and the way you always made his heart skip a beat.

You and your beautiful eyes that he swore held galaxies inside, he could stare at them forever.

“I can't wait for the sakuras to bloom,” you said one day, the two of you sitting in the shade of a cherry blossom tree outside of the hospital. “It's my favorite part of the whole year.” But while you were looking at the budding pink blossoms, he was looking at your face.

He was falling. Falling hard. You were the first thought on his mind when he woke up and the last one when he went to sleep. He dreamed of you, sweet, little fantasies of spending the rest of his life with you.

He knew you better than himself, that you liked pancakes drowned in syrup and berries on top, that you loved a specific type of daisy called a gerbera daisy—a flower that looked as vibrant as you, you hated the thunder but loved the rain and were an amazing artist. Your dreams of becoming a painter and having something in the Louvre Museum in Paris, visiting the top of Tokyo Tower and swimming at the beach. It made you so happy to talk about them that it made him happy, grinning ear to ear as you animatedly explained all the details to him.

“Whoa, we were in the same class,” Minho said, eyes wide with shock as he looked at the yearbook in your hands. You were both on the topic of school when you found out that the place you were describing felt too similar. It was only when you talked about a certain math teacher, you realized it was the same person.

Minho dug through his old school things at home and found his yearbook, the insides of the cover scribbled with so many names of people whom he used to call friends.

It was funny how you two had crossed paths before but he had no recollection of you. He silently cursed at his past teenage self for not knowing you—then again, fate worked in different ways.

“Yeah, I was looking through it and I saw your face. Weird, right?” He nodded, looking at the photo of you from seven years ago. You looked almost exactly the same except now your hair had grown out much more. How had he never noticed you?

His feelings towards you only increased since then, to the point where they felt suffocating to bottle up inside him. Like a volcano waiting to erupt. He took one look at your face and zoned out, completely missing what you said and barely covering up when you asked him for his opinion. He had to bite his tongue every time he almost blurted out that sentence that was marinating in his brain.

I love you.

“You're down bad,” Hyunjin told him after Minho confessed to having feelings for you after he was confronted about his visits to the hospital for the past two months. “Like bad bad. I never thought I'd see you like this.”

“I like her,” Minho admitted again. “A lot. Now that I've known her I don't think I can go back to pretending she doesn't exist.”

“Then tell her.”

He paused. “Confess… to Y/n?”

Hyunjin let out an exasperated sigh, shifting his position on the couch. “Yes, Minho, proclaim your love to the woman you love.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“If you like her so much despite her problems, then it's worth a shot, don't you think? And I have a feeling she feels the same way.”

“You think so?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Only one way to find out.

Hyunjin was right. Minho should confess. No harm in doing that right? He picked out his best shirt, tucking it into his pants and looked at his reflection in the mirror, messing with his hair for a while before he gave up and let it be. He smoothed down the wrinkles in the crisp white shirt, wondering if he was too dressed up for this. He sprayed on some cologne that you had complimented the day he wore it and gave himself a pep talk as he drove to a flower shop.

Bright red gerbera daisies in hand, he took a few deep breaths in front of the hospital entrance. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, ready to fall at any moment. You would love to see them, he thought, smiling to see himself. If things went the way he wanted them to, he would bring you out here and sit at a bench, maybe get some ice cream from the cafeteria and watch the sakuras.

Minho steeled himself and walked inside, making his way to the front desk, a daily routine but today was different. His hair on the back of his neck was on end and his heart was beating uncomfortably loud in his chest.

“I'm here to see Y/n,” he told the receptionist. He was expecting her to tell him to go down the hallway, take the elevator up to your floor and go to your room as he did every day. He didn't expect the nurse to look up at him with a solemn face, a jolt of panic going through him even before she said anything.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Lee. She passed away earlier today. Her illness suddenly became worse and her body couldn't fight it.”

His heart dropped, along with the bouquet of red flowers in his hands. “What? But—but I was here yesterday… she was fine—how—” His vision blurred with tears as the nurse once again shook her head in sorrow. His ears rang loudly, hands gripping onto the countertop hard enough to make his knuckles white, his throat closing up as he felt like the whole world was crumbling in front of him. His heart was ripped out of his chest and trampled upon as the nurse explained to him and told him about your final resting place. She handed him an envelope, sealed with a sticker of a strawberry and his name written on the front in your handwriting.

He sat in his car and cried for a long time, his forehead resting on the steering wheel as sob after sob racked through his body. His throat ached and his eyes burned but he couldn't stop crying. The world became dull again, the happiness and light that you once brought gone. Even after he shed every last tear, heart squeezed dry and now hollow, he still couldn't will himself to drive away, couldn't make himself look at the envelope sitting next to him in the passenger seat.

Minho blasted the air conditioner and closed his eyes to take a few deep breaths but he was plagued by visions of you and the pain in his heart increased by tenfold. He didn't know how long he was sitting there in his car, but he did know that he could never tell you how much he loved you, how you made his life worth living and how he would cherish you with his whole heart for eternity.

I love you…

Dear Minho,

                    If you're reading this then… I must not be there anymore. Firstly, I want to thank you for making the last few months of my life so memorable. I loved every moment I spent with you and I wish I could've had many more… perhaps a lifetime more. Thank you for making me smile when my heart felt heavy, for making me laugh when I felt like crying, for showing me so much more love than I deserve. 

Second, I want to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you the full story of me, the reasons why I'm paralyzed below my waist, why I was so sick I could barely move sometimes. Because when you were there, I wanted to be happy. I didn't want to think about my illness, about the fact that I would die and I would leave you alone. It was too much to bear although I thought about it every night.

All those dreams I told you about? The biggest one I had was to be with you. This is the third thing I wanted to tell you, but I never had the chance because I was too much of a coward, is that I like you. No, I love you. I've loved you since we were in school. I recognized you in the hospital that day and you didn't, but I was so happy to see you again, although I wish you didn't have to see me in that state, lying on my deathbed.

I love you so much, Lee Minho. I wish we had more time together but I cherished every moment we had. I love you and I always will. And I hope you do too…

Forever,

Y/n.

The words in your letter were permanently etched into his brain, a painful reminder of your absence, of how oblivious he was to your reciprocated feelings. He couldn't move for a few days, lying in bed, alternating between crying and simply staring at the ceiling, memories of you playing in his head again and again like a broken record he never wanted to fix.

Minho didn't visit you until Sunday, not wanting to believe the harsh reality of you not being with him anymore. He did his best to hide any remnant of his red eyes and puffy face, dressed in the shirt you liked and bought red gerbera daisies once again to see you. He had to look good… for you.

It took him a while to find you, but there you were.

In loving memory of a loving daughter and dear friend Y/n L/n

(25.03.1999  -  10.04.2024)

“Hey,” his voice cracked. He stubbornly tried to blink the tears forming in his eyes. Minho bit his lip, kneeling down to place the flowers in front of the tombstone and brushing some dirt off of the granite. “I miss you.” A wobbly smile formed on his face, he could see your face, a teasing glint in your eyes as you poked fun at him. He sniffled, turning away to wipe his eyes. “And you never gave me the chance to tell you that… that I love you too. I was nervous and now I'm too late… I'm sorry, Y/n—” He choked on his words and stood up. “I would do anything to get you back…”

There was a cool breeze, ruffling his hair. He thought it was you and closed his eyes, imagining it was your hands carding through his air. He felt something fall on him—cherry blossoms. The wind carried them in a delicate dance, surrounding him and you in a flurry of pink petals.

“The sakuras are blooming,” he smiled sadly.

But you weren't here to see it.

The drive home was silent. Minho didn't put the radio on, half focused on the idle roads and darkening horizon. The cherry blossoms trees all over the city were blooming, he noticed, as his car stood idle at a red light. He believed a part of him died along with you. You were his soulmate, that's what he liked to believe. You were connected in more ways than one, destiny pulling on your strings to get you close and then snip the thread at the last second.

The light turned red. He changed the gear and moved forward.

It all happened too fast, the rev of another car coming in from his side at a speed double that of the limit, him noticing too late as the front crashed to his left, his head flying into the window and breaking the glass into shards that wedged into his skin.

And then everything went black. 

Minho's head shot up. Was he dead? Did he die in that car crash? His head was killing him, a throb coming from deep inside his brain, making him wince and hold his head. But there was no blood on his hands when he pulled away. How was that possible?

“Are you okay?” He looked up. Hyunjin was approaching him along with a few other people he recognized as—Bang Chan, Han Jisung and… Kim Seungmin? He hadn't spoken to the last one since high school. “I think it hit you really hard.”

“What do you mean, I was in a—” He halted in his tracks. “What are you wearing?” Minho's eyes were trained on the gray blazer he was wearing, a gold pin affixed on the lapel. Underneath was a navy blue waist coat and a white shirt collar peeking above.

Hyunjin blinked. “What do you mean?”

“No,” he let out something that was a mix of a laugh and a scoff. “Why are you wearing that? Are you pulling my leg?”

“My… uniform?”

“Yah… Minho, did you hit your head that hard?” Jisung laughed, slinging an arm over his shoulder, making him bend. 

“Of course I did, I—”

His mind clicked. They were standing on a field. Not just any old field—their school play field where they used to play soccer every day after class. There was laughter and yells ringing all around him. Hyunjin, Jisung, Chan and Seungmin, even Minho himself were wearing the same clothes. Gray blazer, white shirt, gray slacks and the gold pin. Some were wearing navy blue waistcoats and a tie, but it was the same thing from seven years ago.

“This isn't funny, why are we here?” This had to be some joke, courtesy of Jisung. He was a prankster but this was taking it too far.

“Minho, are you sure you're okay? Do you need to go to the nurse?” Chan had worry written all over his face. 

Minho glanced at each of them, getting more and more confused by the second. His eyes flitted down to his clothes and back up, at the other students, the school building and back to his friends.

“Maybe he has a concussion,” Seungmin quipped. “I told those rugby guys to take it down a notch.”

Those words sounded familiar. A sense of deja vu washed over him, his hair pricking on end and a light bulb went off in his head.

This did happen before.

“Hey, Lee Minho… you're scaring me,” Hyunjin's hand held his left bicep and shook him.

“This happened before… Why am I here? I graduated school seven years…” He muttered underneath his breath.

“What are you saying? I think we need to take you to the nurse—”

Minho cut Chan off. “Today… what is today's date?”

“April 10th, why—”

“The year, Seungmin.”

“2017—”

The air was knocked out of his lungs. He was in the past. Seven years in the past. He was still in his last year of high school, liked playing soccer, never wore the uniform correctly, was still friends with Kim Seungmin—

“Y/n…” 

You would be alive. If he was right, and he was somehow transported back in time to when he was in school, you would be alive. You would be okay, not lying in a hospital bed, unable to move, waiting for your illness to consume you. 

He had another chance.

“Y/n? You mean from our class? Why d—”

Minho leaped at Hyunjin, eyes blazing with determination. He held his shoulders as he spoke again. “Where is she?”

“I think she was leaving—”

That was all Minho needed to know. He quickly grabbed his bag and bolted down the field, onto the pavement that led to the main gate. He could hear his friends calling for him, they were undoubtedly confused with his behavior, but that didn't matter. All he had to do was make sure you were alive. He spotted a girl walking, a backpack slung over her back.

There was only one way he could find out.

“Y/n?” He called, hoping he wasn't making a fool of himself in front of someone else.

The girl turned and his heart stopped.

It was you, a younger version of you, the one from the yearbook, looking at him with a confused tilt of your head. He could see your lips move, saying his name probably but he couldn't hear it. There was a gust of wind, the breeze urging him to surge forward and he did, colliding into your body and embracing you tightly. His breaths were uneven, tears forming in his eyes as he rested his chin on top of your head, his fingers brushing through your hair.

“You're okay…” He squeezed you tighter.

You were the first one to pull away, your cheeks tinted pink. You couldn't meet his eyes. “Why did you do that? Is something wrong, Minho? Of course I'm okay…”

Minho felt something fall on his shoulder. A sakura. The cherry blossoms trees were blooming, showering the two of you in a cascade of pink petals. His eyes searched yours but he could only see bewilderment. A relieved laugh escaped him. He squatted to the ground and covered his face with his hands.

He got another chance.

Another chance with you.

He looked back up at you and felt a multitude of emotions bubble up in him, but the main one was love.

“Yeah, you're okay…”

 You're acting weird.”

“Can I walk you home?”

“Wh—”

“Answer the question, please.”

“Sure, but—”

“Great.”

Minho was all smiles, he couldn't stop it. His heart was beating out of his chest as he walked alongside you, gripping onto the strap of his bag, his ears turning pink every time your shoulders brushed his. He was beyond happy, relieved, excited all at the same time. He tried to fill the silence of the walk by asking you questions like how your day had gone, what you ate for lunch, and if he could walk home with you every day.

You were completely flustered and confused, he could see that. It must be weird for you for him to come talk out of nowhere. He remembered that you had liked him since high school, so that means this would work out. He just had to act normal and make sure he would change your fate and his, to make sure that you would be with him forever.

“This is me,” you awkwardly gestured to the house the two of you had stopped in front of.

Minho nodded, feeling a little upset that you had to go away too soon. “Right… Well, I'll see you tomorrow?”

You bit your lip. “Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, Minho. Get home safe.”

“I will,” he grinned and waved goodbye before he set for his house, turning around one last time to see you on the porch of your house doing a happy dance which made him laugh, his face flushing red.

You were okay.

And so was he.

It took him a while to find his own house from the unfamiliar neighborhood he was in. He missed living in his parent's place, with his mother's home-cooked food that hadn't eaten in ages. When was the last time he visited his mom and dad? He eagerly went up to the door and opened it, the familiar sight of the entryway making him nostalgic. 

“Someone's all smiles today,” his mom said with a chuckle, watching him untie his shoes and put on his house slippers. His mother looked younger than he had last seen her, wearing a cardigan he remembered she said that had shrunk in the washing machine. It was brand new now. “Did you have a good day today, sweetheart?”

“The best. I'll be in my room,” he said, almost tripping over his two feet in giddiness as he went up the stairs to his bedroom. It looked exactly the same as he used to have it. He threw his bag onto the floor and then himself onto his bed, breathing in the smell of the detergent on the bed sheets.

“This is crazy,” he said to himself. If all of this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up. Maybe he was in a coma from the car crash, but it all felt too real. He remembered this day happening before, getting hit in the head by a rugby ball, Seungmin chiding the guys who were playing with it. This was obviously not a prank, everyone looked younger and were befuddled, looking at him like he was nuts. 

He time traveled. Actually time traveled back to the past, to save you.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He even had his old phone.

Hyunjin : Minho, you're okay right? You were acting really weird.

Minho : Yeah, I'm fine. I think it I got hurt more than I thought I did

Hyunjin : Okay 🤨

Hyunjin : Why did you run off like that though? You don't even talk to Y/n and suddenly you were acting as if she was on the verge of death?

Minho : I just needed to check something.

Hyunjin : You're weird. Get some sleep and don't be late tomorrow again or Seung's going to kill you.

Minho : I won't 🙄

He was back in 2017. He was a teenager again. 

“This is so cool…”

It was something straight out of a movie. Minho felt like he was living in a fever dream, being able to relive his adolescence. Since he knew how much he could lose, he made sure to make this second chance worth it. Instead of skipping meals and eating from the vending machine, he scarfed down whatever delicious meal his mother made, making both of his parents laugh at his sudden switch in behavior. 

“Eat slowly, or you'll choke,” his dad said with a chuckle when Minho piled on more food and eagerly shoved it down his throat.

He took the opportunity to join a dance class like he did when he was a kid, knowing that he regretted not doing it years later.

Instead of wasting away in class and being moody, he studied—tried to study. 

Then again, he had you to help. Y/n, the wise one, he teased when the two of you sat together in the library during lunch on the premise of studying, but you mostly ended up laughing so hard the librarian kicked the two of you out. 

He spent more time with his friends, doing everything he was bitter about later in life.

Months passed by like this. Minho woke up in his bed every day, was greeted by his 2PM posters on his wall, ate breakfast with his parents and went to school, daydreamed about you in class much to the suspicions of his friends and walked home with you. He had to make sure nothing happened to you that would derail his plan for the perfect future.

“Do you like Y/n?” Hyunjin asked during lunch one day, pulling a chair out in front of him with a loud scraping noise. It was autumn, the air much colder in the mornings than it was a few weeks ago. The cherry blossom trees were barren, awaiting spring to bloom once more. 

“Good afternoon to you too, Hyune,” Minho greeted and continued to eat his lunch.

“Don't deflect my question. Do you like her or not?”

“And if I do?”

Hyunjin's eyes went so big Minho thought they'd fall right out of their sockets. “Seriously?”

“Why is it that interesting to you?”

“Oh, this is a golden opportunity.” Hyunjin leaned forward on his elbows on the desk.

“Why are you so interested in my love life?”

“Please, the last time you admitted to having a crush, it was on the idol singer Lee Hyori. I have a right to be curious.” Minho rolled his eyes, but he was a bit flustered. He still hadn't thought of how he would take the relationship with you to the next level. The last time he planned to confess… well, that didn't end well. “What do you like about her? She's pretty, I get that. And she's really good at art, and she's smart—”

“Have you made your point?” He raised a brow.

Hyunjin let out a frustrated sigh. “You're so mean, Lee Minho.” He hit his shoulder lightly. “I'm just saying this, okay? But I accidentally eavesdropped on a conversation her friends were having—an accident, okay? And I think I heard Y/n's name and doctor in the same sentence.”

Minho choked, his face turning red as he coughed and picked up his water bottle to drink some water and took big gulps of air afterwards. “What?”

Hyunjin's words haunted him the whole day and then the next day because you weren't coming to school nor were you answering his texts. He was trying hard to not look desperate but he was grasping at straws. 

The weekend rolled around and he was getting worried. What if Hyunjin was right and you had gotten into an accident? The same accident that caused you to... No, it couldn't be.

His mother had the worst timing when she sent him to pick up some things from the store, a loud crack of thunder and the pitter patter of raindrops beginning the second he stepped into the convenience store. He grabbed the things he needed as well as an umbrella, purchasing all of them at the register before standing outside underneath the umbrella.

That was when he caught the familiar sight of your form, crouching on the side of the road next to a small ball of fluff. The umbrella you were using barely covered you as you were instead shielding a pair of kittens and cooing at them.

Minho's heart leaped in his chest, legs moving on their own towards you and standing right next to you, covering you with his own umbrella. You looked up and then at him, a smile breaking out on your face but this time he didn't return it.

“What happened to you? You disappeared for two days and Hyunjin said you went to a doctor and you weren't responding to me—”

“Whoa, Min, breathe,” you chuckled and stood up. “What doctor? I'm fine. I did go to the dentist though—”

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. “Oh.”

You laughed. “Were you worried about me?”

“Of course I was,” he blurted out, his cheeks flushing. He cleared his throat and looked away from you, heart dancing in his ribcage. He'd planned to do this once before but standing in front of you, all the courage drained right out of him and he was left as a puddle of nerves. “So why didn't you come to school afterwards then?”

“I was sick.”

“You were sick. And you were out here standing in the rain for two cats?” He shook his head. “Hold this.” He pushed the umbrella he was holding into your hands and quickly shed his jacket, putting it over your shoulder and pulling the hood over your head, using it to try and dry your hair. “You're going to get sick again…” His hands stopped at the sides of your face, lips parting as he looked into your eyes.

“Thank you…” Your face was also turning red at the proximity between the two of you that he just noticed. 

Minho swallowed the lump in his throat. Now or never. “I need to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I couldn't tell you this before because I was too scared but now I know how much I have to lose—”

“What are you saying, Min —”

“Just let me finish, okay?” He took a deep breath, pushing a stand of wet hair out of your face. “I… I like you, Y/n. I love you. For a really long time, longer than you think.”

He waited with bated breath for your answer. “I like you too, Minho. I've liked you for a while now.”

He couldn't wait anymore. It was obviously too forward of him, but he'd been dreaming of this for way too long and he wasn't going to let it slip through his fingers again. He pulled your face towards his and crashed his lips onto yours. You let out a muffled sound of surprise but you reciprocated it, the umbrella falling out of your hands and onto the ground with a thud. Your arms rested on his shoulders while his drifted down to your waist, holding you in an embrace as he tenderly kissed you. Fireworks went off inside him. He could feel the thundering of your heart right above his. The two of you were soaked from the relentless rain, but he could care less.

He broke the kiss, forehead leaning on yours as he took a few breaths. “Sorry, I just really wanted to do that…” It was a half baked apology since he wasn't very sorry at all. His eyes were closed, taking in the intimacy of the moment.

“I liked it, don't worry. Just warn me next time, okay?”

Minho couldn’t help but tease you. “Oh so you want a next time?” He laughed loudly when you hit his arm. “Of course there will be a next time, I plan on giving you many many kisses,” he planted another one on your forehead to prove his point. He closed his eyes again and hugged you tightly.

Minho's head felt like it was splitting in two. Where was he? He blinked his eyes open, the white light above him causing him to groan. His clothes didn't feel wet anymore and he was laying down, a white blanket over him. He lifted his hand up, only to see it was bandaged.

“Why—”

Memories of the car crash flooded his mind and a flash of panic went through him. “No, no, no, no, no—” Was that really just a dream? Were you really gone? He felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes, chest heaving up and down until—

“Thank God you're awake,” he felt a hand brush the hair off of his forehead, the voice sounding too much like yours. But it couldn't be. All of that was in his imagination. 

Then you came into focus, your face filled with worry, eyes pink like you'd been crying for a while.

“Y-Y/n?” He lifted his bandaged hand up to your cheek. He needed to know you were real. He let out a sob of relief when he felt the warmth of your skin beneath his palm and then your own hand covering his. “You're here…”

“Of course I'm here, silly. Where else would I be?”

He pulled you onto him, tucking your head into his chest and kissed the top of your head as a few tears rolled down his cheek. “Thank goodness.” He held you like that for a while, taking in the comforting scent of your perfume mixed in with the smile of your shampoo. “What happened?”

“The car crash… you don't remember?”

“That happened?”

“Yeah, the doctor said you had a concussion. You weren't waking up… I was so scared.”

His heart broke at your words. “I'm never leaving you, never ever. You can't get rid of me that easily.” You let out a broken laugh and clung onto him. He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Minho was discharged a few days later. The doctor said he might experience temporary amnesia due to his head trauma and that he'd regain his memories soon. He still couldn't believe everything that had happened. He'd managed to save you. You were here with him.

The two of you took a stroll in the park, hand in hand, underneath the cherry blossoms trees. “Hey, Y/n?” He said softly, making you turn to him with a soft hum. “I love you.”

You smiled. “I love you too, Minho.”

That was all he needed to hear. A breeze shook the branches of the trees and the sakuras fell once again. He squeezed your hand and continued to walk alongside you as the pink petals and flowers showered on him, and this time, you were by his side. Where you were meant to be.

[tsukirecs]

like ink on paper, like red wine on white silk ( the taste of honey chapter 4 )

pairing: young aristocrat hyunjin x f!reader | wc: 32.4k | genre: 19th century au, arranged marriage, romance, smut | warnings: period-appropriate themes & customs including sexuality and beliefs ; virgin!reader ; mutual pining ; slow burn ; heavy angst ; anguish and dark thoughts ; view all compiled warnings here. This work is for adult audiences only. This work portrays explicit sexual content and themes & actions that might trigger some, reader discretion is strongly advised. @cb97percent, dearest, this one's for you.

You had seen a tiger only once in your life but it was quite memorable. It might have been domesticated but it was still the largest cat you had ever seen. You wouldn’t forget the look in its eyes as it descended to devour the carcass the circus workers had left for him. A beautiful beast, too thin, locked in a cage. Hyunjin had the same look in his eyes tonight. What a beautiful beast he was, too, only his prison did not have bars. 

The morning of your thirteenth birthday, you found yourself barefoot on the back porch of your family’s villa, throwing nuts on the ground for your favorite squirrel. You liked all the squirrels, of course, but this one had a special place in your heart because its tail was missing. Not only did it stand out, but he was also noticeably less dexterous. He moved slowly and rarely reached the same spots as the others that sometimes roamed the property. 

You named the squirrel Henry. And it wasn’t that big of a deal either. It was just that your family could most definitely spare a few nuts here and there and this tiny rodent could use them. It made you smile, though, to see him and his unusual hopping as you went on your days. It gave you a thing to look forward to—and you had very few of those.

You were nervous that your mother would find you here. Like that. Because of Henry and because of other things, too. At that point, it was the second year he spent around the villa and your mother was well aware that you had taken a liking to him. There were things, like Henry, that she tolerated. The beehives, for example. She let you spend some time every other day with the old beekeeper, Mr. Ito, and you had no idea why. She was so strict and unyielding about everything else that it made no sense to allow you something as beautiful as that. 

Sometimes, you wondered if it was so that you would not hate her. Perhaps she thought that if she let you have the beekeeping and a garden, it would keep you strong for the rest of it. For the endless lessons—etiquette, manners, dance, embroidery, reading, sewing, singing. 

In a couple of years, you’d be learning about politics—a woman, especially not a lady, did not need to be very knowledgeable on the matter, not to the point of forming an opinion about any of it. 

However, she would need to know enough to entertain some conversation with her husband, and maybe even some of his business partners, while the men sat around a table to discuss such things. A lady would not be at her place sitting at the table but she would be expected to make a brief appearance—it gave her husband a good reason to show her off, especially if she made one or two witty remarks and was generous on the wine or liquor they drank. 

Your mother made you write that down. All of her lectures. All of her lessons. She said it made you practice spelling and your calligraphy at once, and that written words are engraved deeper into the memory of girls. In your bedroom there was a large dresser made of cherry wood and one of the drawers was almost full to the brim with sheets of paper. The words your mother made you write down. The standards she expected of you. 

Like, a lady should know better than anybody how to run her house—including her husband. For that, your mother regularly made you join the staff in their chores. You had learned how to wash, dry, and fold laundry. You had learned how to store food, and how to make preserves. More lessons would come. Your middle drawer was full of loose sheets with everything and anything on them. Recipes for soups or cakes or venison. Lists of the best brands of specific products, from cleaning supplies to liquor. Reputable clothing brands. 

There were a few songs among those sheets, too. These, you didn’t mind. You liked music. Out of all the lessons, singing was your favorite one, partially because it bore your mother enough that she never stayed around for the entirety of it. But also, and most importantly, you were good at it, and music made you feel alive. You stood near the piano while your teachers played, and you sang along while working on your pitch. Sometimes, the teachers even let you play a few notes on the piano.

You often sang to the bees. The hives and Mr. Ito were your usual audience, and they were easy to please. You were too young to execute some of the harvesting steps, Mr. Ito said, but you were welcome to watch as closely as you wanted. He said that you enthralled the bees, that they remained calm when you were around.

The morning of your thirteenth birthday, you woke up before the rest of your family, although you could hear the staff already at work. The night before, it had been Lillie, the Head Housekeeper, who put you to bed. Your parents were hosting a big dinner to celebrate your sister’s engagement to the son of a wealthy man and you had to be excused from the festivities due to a stomach ache. So it had been Lillie who put you into your sleeping gown and brushed your hair. She pressed warm towels on your belly to make the stomach ache go away. You liked Lillie. She was kind and always treated you with tenderness and love, the way a mother would, the way your mother never had. You only figured the belly ache came from all the stress you had that day, in anticipation of your birthday. It seemed like thirteen was such a big number, even if it was just one more than twelve.

Your sister was seventeen. She and her fiancé would get married soon after she turned eighteen.

You questioned your mother about that one afternoon. “Mother, you said that we would begin our journey to Hwang Estate not before I turned twenty, maybe after.” Already, at your age, you were aware that it was unusual. “Why is Kimi’s marriage at eighteen, then?” 

Your mother liked it when you asked direct questions. “Because your marriage is more important,” she told you. “When he is of age, Lord Hyunjin will become a more powerful man than Mr. Hughes, so I want you to be more prepared. More… ripe. When I send you over to him.”

But you had visited the lumberyard owned by the Hughes with the rest of your family. It was huge. The whole place smelled like freshly cut wood, but it was very dusty. When you pointed out to your mother that it looked like this place was rather busy and that it must be important, she shook her head. “Hwang Estate is one thing, my daughter. The estate itself is large—I told you, it is surrounded by a beautiful pine forest. But the Hwangs own the land beyond that forest, too. More acres than your brain can comprehend without seeing it. There are farms on it. He also owns a factory.” 

In any case. You weren’t exactly sure you understood what importance was, not in the context related by your mother. Because to you, none of these things were important. Not the size of the Hughes’ lumberyard, not the size of Hyunjin’s estate or the farms around it. To you, all that mattered was that one day, you would go over there and get married to your friend. Your only friend.

You turned thirteen today. 

That morning, you woke up with something sticky and warm between your legs. For the first few seconds you assumed you peed the bed, which seemed properly impossible, and yet. Then, after frantically pushing the covers off you, you found yourself in a small puddle of your own blood. You stared at it for a long time, tears running down your face. You tore the sheets off the bed and realized that it had stained the mattress, too, but you wiped it as well as you could and put fresh covers back on. Nobody would guess, and your bed wasn’t due for a change for two more days, so it would give you time. 

It was too soon. You had been told to expect it a few years from now.

Your mother had prepared you for that day. The day you would become a woman. You knew what that entailed. Your mother had prepared you for that, too—the consequences of it all. The monthly bleeds were part of the cycle that would allow you to have a baby inside you one day. It would be Lord Hyunjin who would put it there. The baby. And your mother had taught you all about that too, saying that Lord Hyunjin was like a gardener. He would plant his seed inside you on the days when you did not bleed out of your entrance. She called it like that. An entrance—a garden. 

The act is a lot more pleasurable for men than it is for women, she also said. They sometimes have special demands or requests—it is expected of you to comply. You are pretty, you are young, you are a maiden, and the most precious thing you have is this purity that you keep between your legs, that your husband is waiting to break. For this reason, it is expected of you to keep your garden unsullied until your husband plants his seed inside it.

Unsullied. 

But that morning, you washed yourself up and hid your soiled clothes underneath your bed with the bedsheets. You shoved your least favorite cotton shirt into your undergarments and put another nightgown back on—this way, nobody would know what happened. You needed time to process.

You had never had much of it. Freedom. But from the moment your mother would find out you were bleeding from between your legs, you would have none.

You hated the feeling of it. The dampness, the sharp pain, the nausea spells taking over you. But you stayed outside nonetheless because you were waiting for the mail. 

Your heart jumped at the mere thought of it. If you were lucky enough, you would be able to intercept Mr. Greene—the villa’s Head Steward—before he brought the mail back into his office, and he would give you Hyunjin’s letter. 

Year after year, it was the only thing you ever looked forward to. Your birthday, and the words Hyunjin sent you. 

However, that morning, it wasn’t the mail that you intercepted, but rather a conversation between your parents. They hadn’t seen you on the back porch because the curtains of the parlor were drawn, but one of the windows had been left open to let some fresh air in. It very soon became obvious that you weren’t supposed to hear that conversation at all but you could not move without the risk of the creaking of planks to betray you. 

“Are you seriously going to refuse Lord Grover’s offer?” your mother scolded in a tone that was usually reserved for you. “An Earl, Ian! An Earl! Are you out of your damn mind?” 

A silence followed during which you heard your father let out a long, tired sigh. “We made a promise and I intend on keeping it,” he said in the end. “I’m a man of honor.”

“You may be a man of honor, but Hwang is no longer of this world to complain about a broken promise,” your mother retorted with disdain. “Because he had no honor at all and it caused his demise. Do you really want your daughter to marry into that family?”

Your heart sank to your stomach as your brain was working at inhuman speed to process everything you were hearing. You may have been only thirteen, but you weren’t stupid—you knew what this conversation was implying. You knew of Hyunjin’s father and the shame he had brought on his family—Hyunjin had sent a letter that year, telling you he would understand if you no longer wished to marry him. But to you, his father’s wrongdoings meant nothing. 

Because it was him that you liked. Hyunjin. And you knew he wasn’t like that, like his father. You knew from the letters he sent, and because you were very much unlike your mother. 

“I want our family to be able to keep its head held high,” your father said. “It would bring dishonor to us if we were to annul the betrothal. What Hwang did doesn’t change the fact that our daughter will marry into a wealthy, comfortable life, and we still keep our word.”

“Your word. It was your word, not mine.” Your mother clicked her tongue. “I don’t think it would bring us dishonor at all. I don’t think the Hwang boy would have much trouble finding himself a wife. With his mother’s connections, he could probably marry some royal relative, even. For all we know, it’s what he’s going to do anyway. He’s getting older now, an orphan, and he’s responsible for himself. Who’s to say he won’t wed some girl and impregnate her, completely disregarding our arrangement?” 

You pressed your hand over your mouth to muffle the sound of your sobs, which you could not control. The inside of your body felt cold like a winter day. You felt so little all of a sudden. Insignificant. Stupid. Unsightly. Revolting. With blood sticking to your thighs and tears rolling your face and your hair tangled and unwashed, with the scent of nuts and corn on your fingers after feeding Henry. 

She was right, your mother. 

Hyunjin was your friend. Your only friend. He was all that you had and you didn’t even have him yet. He was kind and sweet in the letters he sent you, but nothing about it promised you a happy marriage to him or a marriage at all. Even if he said he couldn’t wait for you to come live with him. 

He was reaching an age where boys wanted certain things and thought a lot about girls and their gardens. 

“The exact same could be said about Theodore,” your father retorted. “He could impregnate two or three princesses by the time our daughter is of age.” 

Theodore—Lord Grover’s son. You did not know him but he and his parents had been guests for the dinner last night, their family being close with the Hughes. It was an honor, your mother said, to host an Earl and his family for a meal, and it had been why she had been so quick to send you away last night when you felt ill. She’d rather you disappear than embarrass her with your childish pain, which, in the end, had been caused by something that was anything but childish. 

He was sitting a few seats down from you during dinner—he had been seated by your mother, not too far from your brother. Surely, she wanted him to become friends with the future earl. Theodore was a tall boy of almost twenty years old, with dark eyes and chestnut-brown hair that had a touch of cinnamon in it, which you could only assume came from his mother, whose hair was the color of copper. He was very outgoing and talked to everybody with just the right amount of respect and politeness expected of him. He was handsome even, in the way a boy his age could be. Not quite a man yet but no longer a child.

“He wouldn’t do that! He’ll be an earl,” your mother insisted. “Don’t you want your daughter to marry an earl?” 

You could no longer control yourself—the nausea hit you so hard you became dizzy and fell to your knees. You cried, just waiting for the lightheadedness to pass, unable to help your sobs. The pain in your lower abdomen was so sharp it felt like a knife but the pain in your heart was sharper. You didn’t want any of that. You wanted Hyunjin. You had known all your life that you would be his wife someday. And you didn’t want it any other way.

“What is this?” You heard your mother as she approached the nearest window. You couldn’t stand in time, but you managed to wipe some of your tears and your mouth before her face appeared through the glass. 

A strange expression, one that you had never seen on her, appeared on her face. It crept up slowly, almost like she was resisting it. Your father appeared by her side—you heard him talk to her in a very irritated voice but couldn’t make out the words as you were too taken up by the mere effort of stopping your cries. Your mother hated it when you cried. 

She stormed outside but by the time she was on the porch, you had run away, not minding the destination. All that you wanted was to go far from here. You wanted to be yesterday when you weren’t a woman yet. You wanted to be years from now when you wouldn’t live here anymore but on a pretty estate surrounded by a pine forest.

If Hyunjin wanted you at all. 

Your mother caught up with you when you tripped over a rock and fell face-first into the soft grass growing around the property. The soil absorbed most of the shock but none of your shame or your sorrow. 

“Get up! Someone will see you!” She grabbed at your gown, attempting to pull you up. “What have I told you about eavesdropping? What have I—”

Her sentence was cut short when she saw blood in the process of tugging at your gown. It left her speechless long enough for you to stand on your own and escape her grip. “I don’t want to marry him,” you managed through your tears, but it was difficult to speak with how tight your throat was. “Please, Mother. Not him, not Lord Grover’s son,” you begged, and you had never begged before in your life. “Please, Mother, I don’t love him, I don’t want to, please, please—”

She raised a hand in the air and used it to strike you in the face hard enough that you almost lost your balance again. It effectively caused you to stop crying as you stared at her, bewildered. It wasn’t the first time you got a strike to the face, but it had never been this hard before. The pain spread underneath your skin like spilled ink on paper. 

There were tears in her eyes, but that happened when she was really angry. “How dare you speak to me like this! How dare you show yourself in such a way when we have guests in our home!” 

The sting became an ache on your cheek. You knew it would become red and swollen, which meant you would spend the next several days locked in your room, away from prying eyes.

“You’re not worthy of the Grovers, clearly,” your mother commented with disdain. “The wife of an Earl does not act like a spoiled child.” She scoffed. “I doubt they will retain their marriage offer after they hear of your little tantrum.” 

You did not know what kind of life you would live. But if you ever had a child, you would not hit them, not even if they misbehaved.

“You said I was going to marry Hyunjin,” you muttered, averting your gaze. “He’s my friend.”

“Friend? He’s your friend?” She lowered herself to look at you from up close. “You know, they say he has his father’s demons in his eyes.” 

“No,” you said. Then, “I don’t care. I love him.” 

Your mother broke into a burst of hysterical laughter—it echoed in the quiet morning. You noticed Henry nearby, alarmed by the sound, scuttling away. 

“Mother,” you murmured. “Please, stop.” She looked scary. You just wanted to return to your room. “Please. Stop.” 

She didn’t stop yet—instead, the laughter slowed down, punctuated by deep breaths. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, following your gaze. “Were you feeding that vermin again? What did I tell you about this?” 

“He’s not vermin! He’s… he’s my friend.” Henry had reached a tall oak tree and disappeared among the branches. 

“He’s your friend,” your mother repeated, her eyes filling with angry tears again. “Let me guess. You love him, too? Have you ever had a fondness for something whole? Why is it that whenever you love something, it’s broken, or crippled?”

She grabbed you by the nape of your neck and dragged you back home, lecturing you about the responsibilities of a girl who became a woman and how you had to be stronger than this, stronger than your willingness to help out a squirrel that didn’t have a tail, stronger than the strange feeling brought by your first bleeding. You had to be stronger than those stupid little childish feelings of yours. “You’re a fool for loving him, child.”

The year you turned thirteen, your mother was so angry at you—or at your father, or both—that she did not allow you to read Hyunjin’s letter. She burned it in front of your eyes, and if a gift had come with it, she never told you. “You will learn to behave like a woman. Like a lady,” she said as the paper turned to ashes. “You could have been the wife of an earl, but instead you will be the wife of a deranged man. Maybe he will be despised by all—maybe that is what you want. To be stained by him.” 

He was all that you had. Hyunjin. He was all that you ever wanted, because all this time, he had been the only thing that made you feel like a person and not a lump of clay to be fashioned into something. And you loved him—as broken as he might be.

The sky was blue and clear and the air was cool, the breeze carrying the scent of fall with it. The grass you lay upon was cool too, but soft and comfortable, heating up slowly under the sun as the day advanced. There was nothing around except for the pine forest on one side and a secluded corner of the lake on the other. You could hear the gentle waves flapping on the shore. You heard a few birds, too. 

The scene may have been beautiful and serene, but it was the last thing on your mind at the moment.

Hyunjin, your Hyunjin, towering over you, his shirt half-unbuttoned and his hair undone, occupied every molecule of your brain, of your soul. He looked like a feral thing like that, but perhaps it was just because you couldn’t wait to feel him even more.

“Open your legs for me darling, will you?” 

His voice echoed through you like an earthquake, starting from your scalp, running all the way to your extremities, but not without coating your core with something warm and heavy. Your lips were raw and swollen from the past hour spent kissing him. On the mouth, in his neck. His hands, his jaw. 

You locked eyes with your husband. You never wanted to look at anything but him. He was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. 

His fingers dug themselves deeper into the plush flesh of your thighs, waiting, eager. He didn’t need to ask you to do it—if Hyunjin wanted, he could open your legs at any moment he wished. He was stronger than you were, and you wouldn’t resist him anyway.

But he liked asking. And you liked it when he asked. When he begged.

His honey skin was warm, warm enough that you did not feel the wind. You only felt him. And his hands on your thighs, so close to your pussy that you swore he could feel how wet you were.

Slowly, you parted open your legs, just for him, and met no resistance. Hyunjin’s expression changed, turning grave and contemplative as he watched. As you offered yourself to him.

He bit his lower lip. “Oh,” he murmured, his voice low, evoking the same honey as his skin. “Baby, you’re soaked…”

You would never get used to it. 

Hyunjin lowered himself between your legs, wasting no time before he left wet kisses over your thighs, holding you still. He had hitched up your skirt a while ago already and the contrast between his body and the cool air gave you goosebumps. 

It never quite felt real. When he touched you. When he held you. When he looked you in the eyes and called you darling, at any time of the day. You kept waiting for the moment you’d wake up from this dream and return to reality where Hyunjin avoided you like the plague. Yet, months passed, and it never came, allowing you to make a home out of this dream-like life you were in. 

You did awaken in the morning but the dream kept on going because you were in your lord husband’s bed and his arms were usually wrapped around your body. If they weren’t, you were holding him, and if you weren’t, he was pressed so close to you that you could feel him, all of him, over all of you. His scent, masculine yet delicate, now lingered on you always, following you wherever you went like a reminder of his love. 

You liked it. When you woke up like that, in Hyunjin’s bed, his hard, straining cock pressed on your lower back. You liked it so much that you usually made a point of not waking him up to make the moment last longer. You let it permeate you like ink on paper. Like red wine on white silk. Keeping your eyes closed, you usually registered every little detail you could. Where his hands were. The rhythm of his breathing. His pulse. The little sleepy noises spilling from his lips. 

But came a time when it was no longer enough, when your soaked pussy ached for him in a way that could not be put into words. Sometimes you woke him up by taking him into your mouth. You liked it so much. His deep, bitter taste, stronger in the morning. His musky scent. You rarely felt as connected to him as when his heartbeat pulsed through his cock onto your tongue. He watched attentively as you sucked him off, as you massaged his balls just the way you knew he liked. You loved feeling him resist the urge to fuck your throat—the restrained thrusts, the whimpers, his fist in your hair. 

Sometimes, he’d tell you that he loved you as he emptied himself in your mouth, and you were certain that this was as close as you’d ever get to a miracle.

This morning, it had been Hyunjin who was up before you. He woke you up with a kiss on your bare shoulder, pulling you back against him. “Let’s have breakfast by the lake, darling, while the weather still allows it.” Some trees were losing their green and turning yellow—you knew that soon, what wasn’t a pine or a spruce would be bright orange or red, and that days would be cold, and nights even colder. 

This was Hyunjin’s secret place, he called it. It was quite a walk from the manor but worth every minute of it. It was private and comfortable and pretty. He liked being with you here.

He liked eating your pussy here.

Your breakfast—fresh bread, cheese, and autumn strawberries was left untouched in the basket you carried it in. Hyunjin had decided he wanted to feast on something else. 

You shuddered when his hot breath caressed your glistening folds, but you arched into him when he used one of his hands to part your pussylips open. You never reacted gently to him—every little contact felt like a thousand kisses, or a thousand little flames, or both at once. 

Heat rushed to your core when Hyunjin gave your pussy three kisses. One on your mons, one on your entrance, and lastly one directly onto your clit. You moaned, biting into your fist, knowing that you were out of sight but not necessarily out of earshot. 

“Darling.” He did not need to say anything more—one word, this one word, was worth a lifetime of waiting. 

Hyunjin gave your cunt a few tentative, bashful kitten licks, moaning when your taste melted on his tongue. He accentuated the pressure he applied by bobbing his head, licking and lapping at you. 

Your hand found his hair. So that you could anchor yourself to something. So that you could keep it there, right there, and rub yourself all over his face. “Yes, yes, yes…” Your voice was no more than a desperate whine. Hyunjin responded by moaning louder into your cunt, reacting to how needy you were. 

“My darling wife,” he murmured, pulling away just a little to breathe. He looked at you from there, his gaze piercing and heavy, his pink, pillowy lips coated with your slick. “You become such a wild thing when you get your pretty pussy eaten, don’t you?”

You clenched at that, at the sound of his voice, at his hooded eyes. Propping yourself on your elbow to make sure you’d see as much as you could, you watched as Hyunjin returned to your folds, licking at you with fervor, as though he was running out of time, or patience. It was sloppy, and the sounds of his mouth as he tasted you were making you dizzy. 

He slurped and slurped, his smooth tongue running all over your folds before he lingered at your entrance, teasing you, then pushing it within you. A stronger wave of pleasure took over you every time. And he knew it. Hell, you could feel his pleased smile against your pussy as he fucked you with his tongue in long, slow licks, savoring you, swallowing every drop of you that he could. It was too much. It wasn’t enough. 

You wanted him in every way one could have somebody. If it had been possible, you would have woven your soul to his so that the two of you were never apart. He belonged there. Between your legs. In your heart.

And you belonged there too, in his embrace, in his heart. You belonged to him.

You wanted him. To feel him, to feel him against you. You tugged at his hair and yet Hyunjin did not budge—he moved from your hole to your clit, flicking his tongue gently all over it, bringing you closer to the edge. You moaned with your mouth wide open, your voice echoing over the lake, disappearing into the pine forest. You moaned again, louder, pulling harder at your husband’s silky hair so that he would come find you here. “Please,” you pleaded, your face contorted with pleasure and impatience alike. 

He was handsome in the purest way possible. In the most sinful, depraved way. His mouth remained agape as he caught his breath, his lips and cheeks and chin wet with your juices. His breath smelled like your cunt. Some of his hair stuck to his temples—you pushed it behind his ear as you caressed his flushed cheek. 

He was so hard—his trousers did very little to conceal the bulge his cock formed in them. He rubbed himself onto your cunt, staining his pants with your cream. 

You took his face in both of your hands, pulling him into a kiss. He took your lips and kissed you hard with his pussy-infused mouth. You loved your own taste, especially like this. He whispered your name and you breathed it in, whispering his in return. 

Hooking your knees on his waist, you rolled Hyunjin until he was on his back and you straddled him. He was even more beautiful like this, sprawled onto the soft grass, lips swollen, the tent in his pants beckoning you. You took no time pulling his pants down, exposing his length. Finally.

You loved his cock. You just loved it. The way it looked. The way it tasted, the way it smelled. The way it felt under your tongue or in your hand or anywhere else on your body. You wrapped your hand around his base, eliciting a hiss from Hyunjin, his head falling back to rest on the ground. 

You loved your husband, you loved his cock. And you wanted him badly. You wanted him in ways he would never take you—how often did you desperately rub your clit at the thought of him fucking you? Of him claiming you by stuffing your tight cunt with his cock, filling you with his cum? You often wondered what it felt like. To be made whole by your husband’s seed, dripping slowly out of your fucked out hole after he was done with you. 

He throbbed in your palm. You secured yourself on top of him, guiding his cock at your pussy but not at your entrance. He moaned when you coated it with your creamy slick, grunting at the sensation of his smooth, hot cock rubbing onto your soaked pussy. He touched it, grazing his fingertips on the places where his length touched you, your pussy, the soft, pillowy skin there. One morning you woke up to him sketching you, using his dominant hand to draw you naked on his bed and the other to stroke his leaking cock. He refused to let you touch him—you weren’t to move, he was drawing you. To practice. He really wanted to learn. He drew you well, down to your slick sticking to the soft trimmed hair of your pussy. And then he made you cum with his tongue two times, and he blew his load all over your face just to watch it drip onto your tits. 

You loved him. You rubbed your soaked pussy all over his length, using him the same way you sometimes used a pillow to relieve your urges. He was so hard. God, so hard. For you. Just for you. 

He tugged at the shirt you were wearing, undoing enough buttons to free your tits. He kissed them, he caressed them, he twisted your nipples until he felt your pussy throb at that. 

His eyelids fluttered when you found your rhythm, rutting against him with your hips rolling in ample waves. “Baby—” he let out with a strangled voice. “Use me. Like that.” 

And you were using him a little. Once you felt his cock, nothing could stop you. It drove you crazy when he was this hard, when he was looking at you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the world. It just felt so good. Him, there, between your folds, throbbing against your clit. You leaned over to kiss him again, harder this time, your tongue following the same tempo as your hips. You knew that Hyunjin would cum soon because his breathing was shallow,because his fingers were digging themselves into your waist. 

You were close too. You wanted to appreciate the moment, the feeling of your cunt on him, your slick dripping onto him, but your mind kept wandering to your most profound desires. You wondered what it would feel like if you were riding him like that but with his cock inside you. How deep it would reach. 

You could. Fuck, you could guide him inside you right now—you were so wet it couldn’t possibly be difficult for him to stretch you open, but you’d love it if it hurt. You wanted it to hurt. You wanted Hyunjin to drill into you. You wanted him to use you, to fuck you so hard it brought tears to your eyes. You wanted to be used and loved and fucked by him. 

The ripples of pleasure in your core became waves and then a monsoon—surging from within, warm and intoxicating. You could no longer control your moans as they spilled from your lips in loud, staccato breaths. You moved faster, rubbing yourself harder on Hyunjin’s cock, like an animal would. It was too good, too warm, too wet—you couldn’t hold yourself up. Collapsing onto his chest as you chased your high, you buried your face into his neck. Just fuck me just give me your cock… please please I want you to cum inside me—

You realized you were speaking out loud when Hyunjin put his hands on your arms, pulling you away so that he could look you in the eyes.

You had never seen this look on his face before. A glare. Something worse. 

For a second—just a second—he frightened you. Like he was a lion and you were a gazelle in the moments before he ripped your throat open. And yet you did not love him, or want him, any less because of it.

His grip on you tightened and before you knew it, you found yourself pinned on the ground underneath him, his cock dangerously close to your hole. You couldn’t move. You could barely breathe underneath the weight of him, dazed from the manhandling.

Time came to a stop. Hyunjin took in the sight of you and you of him. A strand of hair fell in front of his face. You could hear nothing except your own panting. His hand rose slowly and he reached for you. It looked, almost, like he was going to caress your cheek. 

Instead, he grabbed your face, holding you like that. He spoke to you then, his voice low, more a snarl than a sentence. “Stop. Fucking. Tempting. Me.” He gave one powerful thrust, his length buried not into your hole but within your folds as he rubbed himself onto you so hard it made you sink into the soil a little. 

Sparks ran under your skin—you were too close to the edge, trapped underneath Hyunjin’s weight. Your eyes rolled back. “Please,” you heard yourself say but your mind was being separated from your body, your consciousness leaving you. “Please,” you said again, fire taking over your insides, your cunt dripping. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Not that he scared you. Not the ache in the places where his hand held you in place. For an instant, you wondered if the imprint of his fingers would remain on the skin of your face.

Hyunjin let out a noise that was something between a growl and a moan. “I know.” His face was flushed and angry and beautiful. He held your face still as he kissed you hungrily, as his rutting became erratic. “Give it to me, just cum, just fucking cum.”

Something sank within you—an ache spread from your lower back to your pussy under the relentless rubbing of Hyunjin’s cock onto your clit. Your hips stuttered as your release finally reached you and you dissolved into pleasure, moaning uncontrollably. You arched onto Hyunjin and he was all over you—biting your neck, your shoulder, the soft flesh of your breasts. His free hand was groping and squeezing you everywhere while the other forced you to look at him while you came. 

The flutters of your pussy reached his cock in shockwaves—he throbbed so hard that you felt it, and his expression changed—his fury melted as deep, low moans escaped from his parted mouth, and you did not think he could really see you, not with his eyes glazed over like that. He was murmuring words that you could not make out, and as your aftershocks hit you, he flooded your mons and your inner thighs with his cum, hips bucking as he emptied himself all over you. It was so wet, so lewd, that it prolonged your orgasm almost painfully as you clenched around nothing, your vision blurred. 

Hyunjin collapsed onto you, spent, finally letting go of your face. The ghost of his grip remained as your bliss faded. You slid your hands under his unbuttoned shirt, embracing him like that. You gave his temple a little kiss. Then another. His cock was softening, locked between your two bodies, resting on your lower stomach. 

Shame took over you. Like ink on paper. Like red wine on white silk. 

Lips trembling, you caressed Hyunjin’s thick, soft hair. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice evading you. 

He said nothing and it made you want to disappear. You had come to realize that Hyunjin’s silence was far worse than his rage. 

“I’m sorry Hyunjin,” you repeated. 

He pulled himself off you but his face was turned away so that you could not see him. And you felt so little then, so stupid, laying half-naked on the grass, your cunt sticky with your husband’s cum. 

“I’m so—”

When you went to apologize for a third time, he did turn to you then—his expression was solemn and he silenced you with one look. Then he gave you a kiss, a soft one. 

“Don’t,” he spoke against your lips before kissing you again. “Please, darling, don’t.” 

He reached for one of the handkerchiefs you had put into the basket along with the breakfast. It was one of those you had embroidered with Ha-ri and her daughters, an activity you found a lot of enjoyment—and peace—in. It had little bees on it, with Hyunjin’s name just below.

He used it to wipe his cum off you. You flinched—being caressed by him could never leave you unfazed, not even in this situation. You were still sensitive from his licking, his rubbing, from him. Your handsome lord husband, the only thing you had ever wanted. 

The only thing that could make you soar as high as a bird and fall as hard as the coldest downpour. He was much like a storm, with violent winds, with darkening skies, with menacing thunder. Beautiful and intriguing enough that you wholeheartedly ran outside, bare and uncovered, and let the rain drown you one or a hundred times.

He said nothing—he left you there as he rose, buttoning his trousers back up and making his way to the lake so he could rinse out the handkerchief. His hair floated in the breeze and a couple of ducks floated by, their quacks echoing over the water. The pleasure between your legs mutated into something else—you were sore, and the cool weather was affecting you a whole lot more without Hyunjin’s body to warm you up. You brought your knees close to your chest, hugging your legs as you sat there, watching your husband ignore you.

You realized now the mistake you had made—it wasn’t even that you lost control today and said certain things. It was that a few months ago, after the whole ordeal at Lord Jeon’s place, you and Hyunjin hadn’t really talked. Not about this. Never about the specifics of it. He ate your pussy often, and you rubbed or sucked his cock just as often. He’d say things like careful there, it’s going to leak after he spilled himself a little too close to your entrance. But then he’d usually just lick his cum off you, and it normally ended with you having a second or third orgasm, so you weren’t going to complain. 

He showed the affection he had for you, not just in bed. He was visibly more comfortable around you. He’d often say that he loved you. He’d make little surprises for you—flowers picked around the property, more thread for your embroidery, or a freshly painted scene he made for you. 

He called you darling. Almost all of the time now. Even around others. You still remembered the first time he did so in the daytime with an audience—you were visiting the Bangs, whose property was on the other side of the lake, for Lady Bang’s birthday celebration. It had been a small, intimate affair—unfortunately, Lady Bang’s health issues had been making her life more difficult, but she seemed to enjoy her birthday anyway. Changbin and Ha-ri were there as well as Lord Han and his wife, who was also rather close with the Bangs. 

The celebration began outside with light snacks and beverages. You were having tea with the other women while the men were a little farther, standing by the lake and discussing real estate—a topic that bored Hyunjin to death, so you knew he would try to divert it sooner rather than later. You had become accustomed to it—no more than that, you loved it. This little habit of his. When he came to you to help make his current conversation—business or not—more interesting.

Darling, he’d said from across the yard, his voice loud enough that you—and everyone else—heard him. What are those plants that grow by the water on our side of the lake? The ones that smell so good? I’m trying to convince Lord Han that he wants some for his new cottage home.

The fragrant herb grew naturally in a few places on Hwang Estate, its scent made stronger on days where it rained right before the sun warmed up the earth. You remembered warmth spreading on your cheeks as you fumbled with your words—and your needle. Mugwort, my love, you replied, and Hyunjin raised his cup of coffee at you with a smile before turning to the others again. You remembered even more the lightness in your chest and Lady Bang’s knowing smile. Ha-ri’s, too. Not a word had been said about it, except for Lady Bang’s gentle remark, Your husband seems healthy these days, Lady Hwang. It looks like having you around is good for him. You look well, too.

So you knew that what had happened at the Jeons’ place had done something to soften his heart. Except you had thought that it was open. And that it would keep opening over time, like the petals of a flower unfurling slowly under the sun as spring became summer. 

But you realized now that instead of opening, his heart had cracked open—just enough to let some of his love trickle out and spill, to allow some of his light to warm you up, but not enough that he would ever be yours. Not in the way you wanted him to be. And it went so far beyond the act of him putting his cock inside your pussy. It was the thought behind it, his will to never, ever do so was a symptom, a manifestation of something that was festering within him. Like one who had the flu would have a fever and a cough—he recoiled if the tip of his cock even grazed your entrance. 

Or at the sight of a newborn baby, an event that happened two weeks ago in town when a mother—the wife of a farmer who worked on his lands—approached him to present him her daughter. A beautiful little girl, soundly asleep in her mother’s arms, all pretty and snug in a bundle of blankets. He barely acknowledged the woman before running away, leaving you with her. You had been more than happy to chat with her and to praise the little angel in her arms, but when she asked if you wanted to hold her, you realized that you just couldn’t. You froze in place, finding yourself unable to take the baby in your arms. 

Like a manifestation of something festering inside you. A testimony of everything you didn’t have, and never would.

That morning, as the autumn breeze caressed your hair and the places where your skirt did not cover your legs, as you watched your husband soak a cum-stained handkerchief in the lake, you thought of your mother. And of all the ways in which she had warned you.

She had been right all along. Your heart was drawn toward anything that was broken, and the worst part was that you couldn’t help it at all. Out of all the wretched, damaged things you had loved, though, Hyunjin was by far your favorite. 

Hyunjin helped you up when he came back. It seemed that his hand lingered on your forearm a little longer than he needed it to, but perhaps it was just your imagination. 

He did not say a word, not one word, as you walked back to the manor. He disappeared into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. You knew he would wash up before joining Changbin and others in the parlor, where they would hold a meeting about Hyunjin’s upcoming business trip. In the city.

Some things just never changed. You hated it, still, when he left for that place where he used to be so acquainted with the brothels. 

Some things just never changed. You had been a fool for loving him before, and a fool you still were.

That day, Ahnjong came to help you with your bath and your gown but you refused her—you told your maid that you were feeling sick, that your stomach was a little upset, and that you wished to rest for a few more hours. She believed you, mentioning that she had seen the breakfast return completely whole after your walk with Hyunjin. 

You did bathe—in water so warm that it burned your skin. Yet it was not enough to cleanse the shame off you. 

You only went outside in the afternoon to check on your beehives. With winter approaching, they weren’t very active and no longer produced enough honey for you to harvest it. Instead, you just made sure that everything was clean and in order so that they could keep getting ready for the cold season. You envied them. They could not know it, but their setbacks would be temporary. The snow and the ice would thaw and spring would bring with it new flowers and warmth for them to enjoy. But for you, it seemed, the cold would be everlasting. 

When Ha-ri mentioned she was going to visit the town for a few errands, you immediately asked to join her. Just to put some distance between you and Hwang Estate. Between you and Hyunjin. You hadn’t even seen him after returning home and yet you needed to be away. 

“My lady,” Ha-ri said, keeping her voice low to make sure that the coachman wouldn’t hear her. “What is troubling you like that?” 

You kept your head turned toward the small window, watching the scenery outside. The soft, green grass, the trees and their coloring, the clouds floating in the sky. It was all too beautiful—it did not make sense to be witnessing it when your heart was in such a state of disarray. 

Not giving her an answer would be worse. You took a deep breath, and as you did, the feeling of Hyunjin’s rage came back to you. His firm grip. And you, the stupid fool who did not want to escape it, who relished every moment of it. 

“It always worries me when our husbands leave for more than a day or two,” you responded. “You know that, Ha-ri.”

She leaned over so she would be a little closer to you, observing you. “Is that really it?” 

“Yes.” You nodded, turning to her. She was studying your face carefully, looking for hints that you were hiding something from her. You could only hope that all of your mother’s lessons hadn’t been useless, that you could still make your face tell something other than what was in your heart. 

Ha-ri sat back on her bench, crossing her arms over her chest with a frown on her brow. She did not believe you. “Changbin came to see me during a recess. He told me that Lord Hwang was particularly short-tempered today.” 

You ran your tongue over your teeth, inhaling as if to give yourself some time to think this all over. Ha-ri was a friend now, a true friend. The kind of friend you never had except for Hyunjin through his letters when you grew up. She knew a lot about the things that went on between you and your husband. She knew enough to properly humiliate both of you if she ever wished, but you knew she’d never do such a thing. You knew you could trust Ha-ri with your secrets. She didn’t even tell them to her husband. 

A heavy silence fell between the two of you. Ha-ri was, also, the kind of sister you never had, despite having been brought up in a household with two of them.

You felt tears in your eyes as you were choosing your words. You didn’t even know what to say to her, and yet you couldn’t possibly not tell her. You would go crazy if you didn’t. It seemed like you couldn’t see ahead, like you were stuck in the middle of a field on a foggy day, and you didn't know where to go to reach home. 

When Ha-ri caught sight of your tears, she covered her mouth in surprise before handing you a handkerchief. This one was also one that you had decorated with her, and the sight of it was enough to make the tears roll down your cheeks. You hid behind your hands as you wept. 

“Oh, my lady…” She put her hand on your thigh, patting you there gently. Lovingly. “You don’t have to tell me—I think I know anyway…” She pushed a strand of hair away from your face and you removed your hands to look at her. 

She was right—you didn’t need to tell her, because she knew it was about Hyunjin, and also probably guessed it had something to do with the distance he insisted on keeping between you and him. 

So, that afternoon, Ha-ri brought you with her on her errands, making sure to occupy the silences when they went on for too long, talking about this and that. Nothing too interesting and nothing too boring either. She decided, on the spot, that she would be making new dresses for you for the winter and made you choose your fabrics and colors. Ha-ri was a good friend, and you only felt worse for not being comforted by all her efforts. As though you didn’t deserve her—and maybe you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t deserve any of this. 

Your mind was too busy with memories from the morning to properly appreciate Ha-ri’s friendly chat as she explained to you her ideas for the dresses she wished to make. In your mind, all that existed was Hyunjin and his fingers sinking into the delicate skin of your face, his weight on your body, keeping you pinned down on the soft soil. His skin hot and feverish and his beautiful face contorted with fear and resentment. And lust. And love.

After the fabrics, Ha-ri informed you that she needed to stop by the Apothecary to replenish her stash of fever cures—she knew that in the winter months, her little girls would surely need some, and let you know that she always hoarded as much as she could during the fall. You made a few purchases yourself, a little distractedly, mostly to reassure Ha-ri. To give the impression that you weren’t in fact hearing in your mind Hyunjin’s feral groans as he aggressively rubbed his cock on your pussy. Like he couldn’t resist it. Like he wanted to be done with it—with you—as quickly as possible. 

You thanked the apothecary and followed Ha-ri outside, answering her questions about honey even though both of you were very much aware that she already knew how beneficial honey could be for a sore throat or even a light cough.  

She was already seated when you stopped in your tracks, your gaze going blank as you went to climb back into the coach. Suddenly, it was no longer Hyunjin's desperate release you were thinking of, it was Lee Minho. 

And a promise you made to him—and your husband—several months ago already. 

“I’ll be right back, Ha-ri,” you heard yourself say. You even felt a smile appear on your lips. And you knew it was convincing by the face your friend made when you spoke to her. “I forgot something—some oils, for my hair.” 

Of course she believed you and it made you feel like you were the worst person alive, taking advantage of Ha-ri’s good heart.

“My lady,” the apothecary, an older gentleman, said when you reentered his shop. He had just concluded a quick sale with a young man who had been waiting in line after Ha-ri and yourself. “Is there a problem with your purchases?” 

You had always been burdened by the thing between your legs, whether it was about the bleeding or the piece of flesh inside you, the one that you so badly wanted to keep whole so that Hyunjin could claim you. You remembered the day you became a woman and the feeling of the blood dripping from you, the smell of it, too. It had been so violent, especially for a child of that age. And yet, you had come to see it as a blessing. Every month, your body reminded you that one day, it would welcome within it Hyunjin’s heir.

But that was before knowing it would never be the case.

“No, no, there isn’t a problem,” you replied, crossing the small room to meet the old man at the counter. “I’ve forgotten something that I’d like to buy, if you have it in your possession, of course.” 

This seemed to unsettle the apothecary a little. He tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean, my lady?” 

You took a deep breath but that did very little to stop your lips from trembling. “Can I trust that our conversation will remain private?” When the man went to respond, you raised a hand, insisting. “Truly private. At any cost,” you added. “You may not tell my lord husband, or the doctor in our employment, or anybody.”

The apothecary’s gaze lingered on you for a few seconds, then he bowed his head low. “Of course, my lady. I am at your service.” 

Maybe you trusted him, maybe you didn’t—the truth was that in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because you simply wanted to have a bottle or two of it in your possession just in case. Perhaps it could be some sort of safety net. A hail mary. 

It was Sookie who told you about it, many years ago. At the time, it had appeared to you as one of the highest offenses, as one of the worst things a woman could do. But Sookie had insisted that you would understand one day—you just didn't believe her.

But that was before.

You cleared your throat and did your best to look like you weren’t wildly nauseous. “Sir, do you remember the… the tea you sold me, a few months ago?” 

The apothecary’s posture changed immediately, and so did his facial expression—he stood straight, looking very solemn, crossing his hands on the counter. “Yes, my lady. I dared not ask, of course, but I noticed you stopped buying it.”

You nodded. “Yes. Of course, I’m sure you understand.” 

He nodded, too. “I understand.” 

In your chest, your heart fluttered and it felt, for half a second, like you were freefalling. “I’d like to purchase something like it, only stronger, more potent. I was told of such a product by somebody who I trust, who was familiar with it.” Because she used to work in a pleasure house—but you didn’t need to tell him that. A man his age must have seen all kinds of things. “I’m sure you understand,” you said again.

He did not avert his gaze, staring at you in the eyes with a mix of surprise and sadness, which you did your best to ignore. “I understand,” he echoed, his voice a little more faint. “Stronger, you say…” 

Some poisons were just strong enough to eradicate a life growing inside a woman’s body without harming her too much. But, according to Sookie, it could destroy her womb if there was nothing to kill inside of it, so one should be absolutely certain to be pregnant before starting the treatment. 

You felt tears returning to your eyes but you fought them. “Yes. A bottle, please.” 

The man sighed. It took a few seconds before he finally disappeared at the back of his shop. You took this opportunity to wipe the corner of your eyes while he was searching for what he needed. 

You wondered if god existed, and if he did, if he would ever grant you forgiveness for what you were doing. 

All that you had ever wanted was to be a good wife to Hyunjin. All your life you had waited for it, for the day you would marry him and then for the wedding night that would follow. 

And now it just felt all like a big failure. You understood him and his wishes and his fears, yet it did not stop you from wanting to be his wife, really his wife, without him being ashamed or afraid. 

It was all that you had ever been allowed to be—Hyunjin’s betrothed. You owed it to him and to yourself to try and make this marriage whole. 

The apothecary returned, putting a small bottle made of dark glass on the counter. “A woman should take a few capsules as soon as she notices her monthly bleeds are late,” he said in a low voice, barely audible even in the quietness of the shop. “She should take a few more a day or so later while she is still bleeding. To… ensure the job is finished.” 

You took the small vial and stored it safely in your bag, exchanging it for a generous amount of gold coins. But the man did not touch them, he only stared at them.

“I would prefer if you did not pay me for this, my lady.” He pushed the gold back toward you. “I do not hold judgment—I do not need to know the reasoning, but I won’t accept payment, not for this. I simply can’t.” 

His words were just like blades, each of them sinking into your chest deep enough to draw blood. You collected the coins with shaky hands and left the store without a word.

The days were shorter now—the sun disappeared faster than you expected it to. It seemed like you saw less and less of it, noticeably so, every day. You went for a walk around the estate after your errands with Ha-ri, letting it drag much longer than you needed to, more than you should. It just felt good to be alone with the exception, occasionally, of a small forest animal. 

At dusk, you came across a squirrel who looked a lot like Henry, except this one had a tail. The bottle was tucked in the inner pockets of your jacket and it felt as though it weighed a ton. You remembered Henry and how he had simply stopped visiting you one day. Lillie had told you he might have found a partner but you just knew he was dead.

It didn’t matter that it was dark outside—no matter where you went, the lights inside Hwang Manor shone bright enough for you to see in the distance. All you had to do was walk towards them and hope not to put your feet in the wrong place. Only, maybe it was exactly what you wanted. Maybe you didn’t mind slipping and falling into a creek and hitting your head. Maybe you didn’t mind tumbling into the lake and being swallowed by it, only to never be seen again. 

You used to believe that nothing could be as painful as that, as difficult as that. To be Hyunjin’s wife and not knowing whether he loved you or not. How foolish of you.

This was much worse. Knowing that his heart, indeed, beat for you, and yet he kept a reasonable distance between you two. On purpose. According to his wishes. You had done nothing to soothe his wounds, because, in fact, you had made them worse, like rubbing salt onto them instead of kissing them softly. Because you were a stupid little girl, and your mother’s relentless teaching had done nothing to prepare you for this. It had done nothing to make you enough for him, for Hyunjin.

After all, he wasn’t just a lord. He was Lord Hwang, but he was intelligent—very, very intelligent. He knew much about the world and about literature, or art. He took good care of the business he oversaw. He had refined tastes—he liked beautiful things, complicated things. Things like him. An intricate meal, a detailed painting, an interesting conversation. He liked silk sheets and lavish wine. He liked unusual books. 

And you… 

He loved you. But you were too simple, too uncomplicated to permeate him the way he did for you. To hold any weight where it mattered.

He loved you.

But marrying you had not been an option. He had not chosen you. 

You heard them calling out for you sometime after sunset. You quickly made your way back as you did not wish to draw any attention to you. It was Seonghwa who welcomed you, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders. “My lady,” he said with concern in his eyes. “Supper will be served shortly, I… Are you alright?” 

You hadn’t cried—the sorrow you felt was too deep for that. The tears would take longer to make an appearance. You felt like a beehive in the winter. Alive somewhere inside, but sluggish, inactive. You wondered what exactly Seonghwa was seeing in you to inquire about your well-being. You wondered if the shadows haunting you had begun spilling from your eyes, or perhaps your lips. They, for sure, had spilled from your heart, hurting Hyunjin in the process.

“I’m alright. Don’t let them wait on my behalf, Seonghwa. Have the chef serve dinner whenever he wishes and I’ll join as soon as I can.” 

You let Ahnjong take you to your bedroom so she could brush out your hair for dinner. You remembered, then, that the Bangs were visiting tonight. It happened often and those dinners were usually rather spontaneous. Normally, you were delighted.

She brushed out your hair and put it in a braid and you felt nothing. Your mind was elsewhere. “My lady,” the young maid mentioned, “there’s mud on your gown.” And there was. You let her undress you, removing all the layers that had been soiled by the damp autumn soil. You let her choose your new gown and she went for the deep red one. “His lordship’s favorite,” as she pointed out. 

When she wasn’t looking, you took the small glass bottle from your jacket and hid it underneath your pillows. Your hands were still shaking and you realized it was because you didn’t want to face Hyunjin again. You didn’t want to see the bitterness in his eyes, didn’t want to feel his resentment behind the facade that he would surely put up. 

You stared into your mirror, taking in the sight of you. Your parents were wealthy but you had never owned beautiful clothes such as this gown before you came here. You hadn’t been allowed that—for soirées, your mother would borrow a gown from someone else. She didn’t want you turning ungrateful, she said. She wanted to remind you of what you were worth. You could see it now—all of it. In a way you never had. You could be wearing the queen’s dress but it wouldn’t make a difference. It wouldn’t change you as a person, wouldn’t add to your value. It wouldn’t complicate you. 

Not once before had it occurred to you, not in a way that reached you so deep within your bones. That you weren’tHyunjin’s choice. You were his father’s choice—or rather, a way for him to settle the matter quickly. After all, when he and your father made the arrangement, he was already engaged in his extra-marital affairs. Perhaps he knew that it would end badly. Perhaps he could sense that he was risking a lot and that his family was likely to lose its reputation sooner rather than later, so he just took the first offer he got. And you were that. The first offer, or the more convenient one.

It had never occurred to you before because you had never, not once, felt like Hyunjin would have wanted it any other way. Until now, it had simply felt like fate had brought the two of you together. Maybe, in some vain, arrogant way, you had believed that he would have picked you if given a choice.

But he had not chosen you.

Dinner was already ongoing when you descended the stairs. You heard your guests first. Maybe Hyunjin had decided not to attend. Maybe he didn’t want to see you. Maybe—

“We shouldn’t be gone for more than three or four days,” you heard him say in the dining room. “I’m thinking, after we’re back, we should go on a hunting trip. The three of us.” 

Your heart dropped. At least now you knew he was at dinner, so he wasn’t completely disgusted with the idea of eating at the same table as you.

But he wasn’t even gone yet and he was planning to leave again once he returned. 

“What an excellent idea!” Lord Christopher exclaimed, after which you heard a thump, as though someone had punched the table.

“What, me too?” Ah, so Changbin was there as well. Which meant…

“My lord, are you planning on stealing my husband away from me?” Ha-ri asked playfully. Only you knew she sort of meant it. And you knew, maybe, that she thought having Hyunjin close would comfort you.

“Of course not,” Hyunjin responded, and you heard wine or liquor in his voice. “It’ll be just a few days.” 

“Maybe I could meet with you in the city the day after tomorrow,” Lord Chris offered. “The land on the West has quite a lot of deer, or so I heard. Should we ask Lord Jeon to come along, too?”

A short silence followed. By then you had made it to the dining room but waited behind the door before you entered. 

“Maybe we could,” Hyunjin said in the end. “I know he’s rather busy, but asking would, at the very least, be polite.” 

You chose this moment to make your entrance, hoping that the conversation between the men would be engrossing enough that you wouldn’t be noticed. However, naturally, every head in the room turned to you, all five of them, and also the maid who was pouring wine into everyone’s glass.

“Oh no, stay seated,” you told them when they went to stand for you. You walked around the room—they had given you a chair next to Hyunjin’s. Of course they would—the housekeepers didn’t know any better. A million thoughts were going through your mind and yet you somehow managed to remain composed, even trying to smile. “It’s lovely to have supper with such friendly guests. Please excuse my tardiness.” 

“Oh no, the pleasure is ours, my lady.” Lady Bang was glowing tonight with her hair held at the back of her head and a stunning periwinkle gown. “I was afraid you were ill.” 

You went towards your seat as you tried to come up with a believable lie, something that would be neutral, something that would not hint at anything. You knew the maids were listening, and even though they had no bad intentions, it seemed that they liked to analyze everything that was said between you and other guests of the manor. If you lied about where you had been, they would know, and it meant everybody would know you were hiding something.

But how could you make them understand that it wasn’t a tangible thing that you were hiding? Not an affair or criminal activity. It was your sorrow that you wanted to keep secret. Because you didn’t want anybody to know. And above all, you didn’t want Hyunjin to know that you were gloomy. It would only make things worse. 

As you reached for your chair, Hyunjin pushed himself up rather abruptly, and for an instant, you believed he would leave dinner and your heart skipped a few beats. Instead he pulled your chair for you, dipping his head. “My lady.” He did not look at you when he spoke, but you sat down anyway, doing your best to keep your breathing steady. But the truth was that your head was much like an apiary in the summer—buzzing and lively, with every part of it sparking and working. 

You wanted to cry. You wanted to sit down with Hyunjin and talk to him calmly. You wanted to slap him in the face maybe. You wanted to tell him that you loved him. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to watch him paint. You wanted to have a nice dinner with your friends and get drunk on wine and you wanted your heart to be lighter than the petals of a rose. You wanted to cry. You really wanted to cry. You wanted to ask Lady Bang and Ha-ri to follow you to your bedroom so that you could tell them everything. 

Yes. Yes, that was it.

The burden had become too heavy and now it felt as though you were suffocating. As though you were drowning in it.

You were given a glass with wine in it as well as a bowl of soup. The others were halfway through theirs—you tasted it, partially to warm yourself up and mostly to delay the moment you’d have to talk. Nobody had said anything after you sat down—but it was obvious that Lady Bang was still expecting a response.

“I went for an evening walk and lost track of time,” you told her. “I always get a little confused at this time of the year. The days are getting so short.” 

“You shouldn’t go alone,” Lord Christopher said with a frown. “Especially at this time of the year—the wild animals are looking to feed in ample amounts to prepare for the winter.”

You took a large sip of wine—it was good, sweet but still strong and tangy. “Oh, I doubt I would become anything’s dinner, my lord.” 

“I must insist. There have been sightings of wolves in the mountains nearby. I would hate it if anything happened to you, my lady.” 

You almost choked on your wine but it went largely unnoticed when Changbin echoed Lord Christopher’s advice and the attention was all turned to him. You managed to swallow the wine and ate some soup to soothe your throat, but now your mind was tainted with Christopher’s words. He was right—something could happen to you out there. Anything. You could come face to face with a bear or a wolf or a hunter could mistake you for the game he'd been tailing for a day. You could slip and fall and crack your skull open on a rock.

You felt it all happening—you became aware of the danger and you waited for the moment you would be afraid, only, it never came. Instead you were invaded with the urge to return out there and walk blindly into the forest, waiting for it to decide your fate. Maybe it would be a relief for Hyunjin—maybe he would get to choose who sat next to him for supper and who woke up in his bed in the morning. 

“Thank you for your concern,” you told Lord Christopher, hoping he wouldn’t notice how weak your voice was. “I’ll keep that in mind should I want to be out again after dark.” 

Ha-ri went to say something but she was interrupted by the loud knock it made when Hyunjin put his empty wine glass back on the table—a lot harder than he needed to. 

“No. You will not anymore. Never again.” He spoke at low volume but he enunciated every word very clearly, making himself heard. His voice was coated with quiet rage, turning your stomach to lead. He did not look your way but he went on. “You will not venture away from the manor after dusk. Never again. It isn’t safe. There’s nothing to gain from it. And if you must do it in the daylight, you will do so in the company of someone else. Is that clear?” 

The silence that filled the room following Hyunjin’s statement—or rather, command—was so heavy that you could almost feel it permeate your lungs as you breathed in. You dared not look away from your bowl of soup, wondering what you ought to do next. That had never happened before, not like that at least. Hyunjin had never been the kind of husband to exert his manly rights—quite the contrary, in fact. You could tell he always tried to be anything but whatever his father had been like. 

You did raise your head then, at the same time as Hyunjin did—the guests were very interested in their own soup all of a sudden—and you saw them. In his eyes. You saw those demons you had always heard about, those you had been warned against most of your life. You had never been frightened of Hyunjin until today. Until this morning, when he lost himself. Until now, when he didn’t look like himself. 

And yet you could not look away. And yet you could not love him less.

You stared into them, into his eyes, searching for the ones you had come to know. The ones that were like molasses on a slice of pound cake. They were still somewhere in there, weren’t they?

Hyunjin tried so very hard not to be like his father. As for you? 

You—you were the result of years of coaching from your mother. She had taught you all about that—what to do when your husband would give you a command, whether it was to get him a glass of liquor, to help him change his clothes, or to get on your knees so he could have his way with you. Your mother might have forced these thoughts into your mind, but she was far from being the submissive wife she had tried to fashion you into. Tonight, if she were you, she would have snapped at Hyunjin for his comment, in front of their guests. Things would have escalated later. You used to hide your head under your pillows so as not to hear your parents yell at each other. And other things. 

You tried so very hard not to be like your mother, too.

You took one deep breath, then another. You reached for Hyunjin—he recoiled at first, a faint scowl adorning his brow, but you simply took his hand in yours and squeezed it gently. 

“Of course, my love.” You gulped, but the knot in your throat remained. “You’re right. It was reckless. I shall be more cautious in the future.” 

He stared down at the hand you were holding as though he couldn’t believe what you were saying. You figured the moment might have lasted a thousand years if it weren’t for the maids who came to swap the bowls of soup for dinner plates, which were filled with a roast that looked and smelled fantastic. 

Lord Christopher commented on it, echoed by Changbin, and dinner went on. It went on around you but you took no part in it, simply responding to questions when you were talked to and smiling when someone said something humorous. 

They spoke about politics. Lady Bang inquired about Ha-ri’s dressmaking. Changbin asked Christopher about the renovations that were taking place on their estate. Lord Christopher asked if you had any plans to go and visit your family back home sometime soon and you made up some lie about it. 

Ha-ri suggested that everyone went outside before dessert—just to get some fresh air. You followed her as she took your hand and invited Lady Bang to come with while the men could go wherever they wanted. But really you knew she just wanted to get you away from Hyunjin. 

Only you didn’t really. He was angry at you—more than he had ever been. And you were his wife and you were supposed to make things right. 

Ha-ri led you and Lady Bang to her sewing room, where she opened the door of the balcony to let in the night air. You stood there for a moment while she was showing Lady Bang her new fabrics for the winter, but your mind was wandering elsewhere. Your thoughts had been sent a few days from now, when your husband would be in the city. He was so angry at you that he might just go see if any brothel had something to offer. Perhaps he would fuck once or twice until he was pacified, and then return to you. 

He did choose them. Those women. He asked for them and was given some time and pleasure with them in exchange for money. But you? He never asked for you and he got nothing in exchange. Nothing at all. 

You thought nothing could make your night worse—and then two maids entered the sewing room with a teapot and cups. “Mr. Seonghwa sends us,” one of them, Salma, said. “He said the ladies might want a warm drink.” 

You watched as the two young women prepared the tray and the tea, your mind far away from this room. You were listening more to whatever was outside than what was occurring here, searching for Hyunjin’s distant voice in the night, wondering what he, Christopher, and Changbin might be talking about. You would not be so bold as to suggest he would ever talk about you with them, but, selfishly, you wanted to hear some kind of sorrow in his voice—the same that inhabited you. Or maybe you had it all wrong. Maybe that anguish, that desolation, didn’t live within either of you—perhaps it was the other way around. Maybe, instead, it embraced you, contained you, like a cursed sanctuary. Maybe it had become your home, one that you weren’t sure you would ever escape. 

You thought nothing could make your night worse—and then, when the maids were done setting up the small table for tea, they glanced at each other with knowing smiles and pink cheeks. 

“My lady,” the other one, Emi, told Lady Bang, dipping her head very low. “Pardon the intrusion, I—” She took a deep breath, as though whatever she was about to say was terrible. 

Inquisitive, you took a few steps towards the scene.

“We were simply wondering if what they say about you is true, my lady,” Salma added, also dropping her head, her cheeks darkening. “It would be such wonderful news.” 

You instantly knew what this was all about when you saw Lady Bang react to the question by instinctively pressing a hand on her stomach. 

A few seconds passed, during which Ha-ri stared at you, and only at you. Slowly, Lady Bang turned to you with a complicated expression on her face, making you wonder how much she knew. How much she had guessed. And that made you wonder how obvious it all was. 

It made you wonder what the maids were saying about you.

It made you wonder if they could hear your heart shattering in your chest.

“Well,” you made yourself say, knowing very well you weren’t fooling anybody but pushing through regardless. Let them talk. The maids and the stewards and the apothecary and everyone else. Let them say whatever the fuck they wanted. “Is it true or not, my friend?” 

She hesitated, biting her lip, but not moving her hand from her stomach. “Yes, it is. I found out last month, but I wasn’t sure it would hold so I didn’t—”

You raised your hand. It made you wonder if they noticed how badly it was trembling. “There’s no need to explain yourself, my lady. What lovely news! Congratulations!” 

It was her, Lady Bang, who pulled you into an embrace, not the other way around. You vaguely heard Ha-ri dismiss the two maids, doing so politely but firmly as your friend held you against her. Despite the numerous layers of fabric both of you were wearing, it seemed, almost, like you could feel it. It radiated from her, from her belly. The life that she bore. The miracle, the blessing she carried inside of it. You allowed yourself to cry, figuring at first that it may look as though they were tears of joy. And really, they were. But there was so much more to it. 

“I didn’t want you to hear about it like that,” she whispered into your ear. “I’m so sorry.” 

You didn’t respond, prolonging the hug more than you needed to. 

And then you saw everything so clearly it was like looking through a window. You understood everything. When they told you who you would marry and when, and how, and why. When they decided for you. You understood why your mother had tried to put an end to the betrothal, why she had been so adamant that you should marry somebody else. 

You understood why she had warned you against broken things. It was not because she hated you, not because she resented you or despised you. It was because she was protecting you. Out of love. The way a mother only could love, which is to say, violently. Had she known? She couldn’t possibly have known, at that time, the exact details of it all, but she must have guessed that one day you would find yourself in such a challenging situation. She didn’t want you to get attached to Henry because he was a tiny squirrel, smaller and weaker than the others, and he was likely to become a hawk’s dinner or freeze to death much sooner than you expected. 

She didn’t want you to get attached to Hyunjin because she knew that once a woman had opened her heart to a man, he held the power to destroy her. 

You understood everything. You understood why you were so ashamed of it—that Hyunjin refused so categorically to ever, ever fuck you. You understood why it hurt you so much, why that shame lingered, why and how it had stained you. Like ink on paper. Like red wine on white silk. 

Because your mother had not seen that coming. And she had promised you that when a lady made sure her garden remained unsullied, it would be the one thing her lord husband would without a doubt love about her, that he would desire it, that he would vulgarize it to his heart's content. She had made it seem as though there was no way this would ever fail. That if you were still pure on your wedding day, your husband would plant his seed in your garden, and there was no other option. She had made you feel as though it was the worst of offenses when a man wanted nothing to do with his wife’s garden. 

She had made you feel as though you would fail, as a woman and as a wife, should you not be touched by your husband.

And even if you understood Hyunjin’s struggles, his fears, his complicated feelings towards his father and even fatherhood itself—you couldn’t undo the lectures that had been given to you, that had been carved onto your mind. They had become a part of you, intrinsically so. If you could, you would cut your skull open and pick them from your brain to discard them, but it would mean losing pieces of yourself. And you were okay with that. If, somehow, you could turn into a blank canvas, if you could be unmade, you would let Hyunjin fashion you into a wife that would be enough for him. That would be enough to heal his wounds instead of making them worse. 

You thought of the old beekeeper, Mr. Ito, and of the day he showed you how to make sure honey was pure. He said that if one day, you were no longer able to produce your own, you should at least know how to procure the real thing. 

“If honey is pure,” he had said, using a match to light a candle, “it will burn.” And he had shown you all the steps—wrapping cotton around a stick and coating it in honey before dipping it into the flame. You remembered the scent of it, sweet, sweet, sweet, and the way the honey, pure and unadulterated, caught on fire. 

You wanted to run back home. It was not possible but you wished for it anyway—you wanted to see the villa from afar and run barefoot on the grass again. You wanted Henry to be still alive. You wanted Mr. Ito to be still alive. Even just for an instant, you wanted to be more like that little girl again, the one who held hope in her heart, the one who wasn’t afraid to burn.

“You ladies enjoy your tea,” you murmured, pulling away before anyone could see your tears. “I will go see how dessert is coming along.” 

Neither Ha-ri or Lady Bang tried to stop you even though you weren’t particularly convincing. You walked away, ignoring the staircase as you passed it—you had no intention of checking on dessert or on anything. Hell, you weren’t even sure what you were doing at all until you made it to your bedroom and caught sight of your bed. You barely took the time to close the door behind you, crossing the room until you were sitting atop your soft mattress, feeling the linen and silk sheets laid on it. All white. Oh, how badly you wanted to stain them red. 

You reached under your pillow, finding the small bottle obtained from the apothecary earlier. The label only had a skull and crossbones on it and, underneath in a thin font, Diachylon.

What had he said? The apothecary? That you should take it after noticing a pregnancy. He couldn’t have known, of course, that you had an entirely different objective in mind. 

You wanted to be more than this. 

You wanted the state of your garden to be anything but a problem. All this time, all your life—it all had been about this, hadn’t it? So much had been forbidden—running, ice skating, horse riding. Freedom. All this time you had believed, subconsciously or not, that your fucking garden should remain unsullied. That Hyunjin would be a happy husband as long as you managed to offer yourself to him in the purest form you could. That he would be displeased should your garden be anything but immaculate.

There was one thing you hadn’t even considered, though.

What if you didn’t have a garden at all?

What if you set fire to it? Would it burn? If it was pure, would it burn? 

With trembling hands, you pushed the lid open, looking at the contents of the bottle. It was difficult to make out in the dark lighting of your room, but it was half-full with capsules. You held one between your thumb and your index, inspecting it. It seemed to be dark in color and had a thick consistency, just like honey. A strong, unpleasant scent invaded your nostrils when you breathed in—this had nothing to do with the little teas you brewed yourself a few months ago. This had the power to make a barren, lifeless place out of your womb. You brought the capsule to your lips after pouring yourself a glass of water from the pitcher on your nightstand. 

Knock knock knock. “Darling? Darling, are you in there?” 

You stopped breathing, motionless, your heart picking up a pace. 

He couldn’t know. He couldn’t ever find out about what you were doing. You knew it would destroy him. You knew that on some days, he wasn’t much more than a castle without bricks, a tree without leaves, a canvas without paint. And today was one of those days. 

It took exactly three seconds for you to bury the bottle under your pillow. You would remove it sometime later when it would be safe, after you had ingested the pills. When you would be absolutely certain that nobody would ever find out. You would never tell anybody. They would presume. Hyunjin would, Dr. Lee, even Ha-ri. But you would die before admitting the truth to anybody. You wouldn’t even tell Cloud. You wouldn’t even tell the bees. You wouldn’t even tell the wind about what you had done. 

“Darling?” Hyunjin said again, his voice lower now. “Can I come in?” 

You stood, figuring that not responding would only make things worse, but before you could cross the room, he let himself in—you hadn’t locked the door, apparently. Just two seconds later and he would have caught you shoving capsules of poison down your throat.

It took your breath away. You wondered if you would ever not be moved by him, by his presence, his existence. He stood there, his back on the closed door behind him, staring at you with his eyes like ink on paper, his lips parted, plush and raw from whiskey, like red wine on white silk. 

“Yes.” The words spilled from you without you having any control over them—like one part of your brain was constantly on edge, ready to make you Lady Hwang at a moment’s notice. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to make our guests wait, I just—” 

Whatever excuse you were going to make up, he didn’t let you say it out loud. He pushed himself off the wall, darting towards you—for an instant, it looked a little like he was going to attack, to pounce like a tiger. You had seen a tiger only once in your life but it was quite memorable. It might have been domesticated but it was still the largest cat you had ever seen. You wouldn’t forget the look in its eyes as it descended to devour the carcass the circus workers had left for him. A beautiful beast, too thin, locked in a cage. 

Hyunjin had the same look in his eyes tonight. What a beautiful beast he was, too, only his prison did not have bars. 

He did not lash out—when he stood just a few inches away from you, he stared down at you, cupping your cheek in his big hand. “Darling,” he whispered. His breath smelled like whiskey and like wine. His hair smelled like the outside air. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

It was not the first time it happened. The last time, he had gotten angry because you had drunkenly made a risqué comment during dinner. Even if it was an intimate dinner with people from the estate—Changbin, Ha-ri, Dr. Lee, Seonghwa, and Su-jin. It was always the same thing. You keep tempting me, he had said. And then he kissed you hard but you kissed him harder and he ate your pussy all night. 

“Don’t be sorry,” you murmured, caressing his perfect face. “It’s okay. Do you want to lie down?” He was very drunk—he was holding on to you as though he was afraid to collapse. 

“No, I want—I want—” but he couldn’t say it. Whatever he had in mind remained there as he frowned, his gaze not once moving away from your lips. “I want to stop being like that,” he uttered finally. 

You wanted to tell him that it would be alright soon.

But he kissed you. 

He pressed his lips onto yours, taking your mouth in his, claiming you once again. You kissed him back as his hands descended on your waist so he could pull you closer. He buried his face into your neck, biting you gently, suckling on your skin. He gently led you towards your bed, his lips not once leaving your skin, his tongue like flames licking at you. 

He’s too drunk, you told yourself as he lifted you just enough so he could sit you down on your mattress. But it felt too good. And you loved him too much. 

“Don’t let me talk to you like that again, darling,” Hyunjin said as he followed you onto the bed, on his hands and knees above you. He kissed you again, his hands scrambling to lift up your skirt. “Please. Promise me you won’t let me ever again.”

Your mind was all over the place, so much so that you didn’t know what he was referring to. After the breakfast fiasco, he had barely acknowledged your presence. 

“You were right though, I shouldn’t have stayed out after dark,” you pointed out, taking his face in your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes. 

His had tears in them. And it broke your heart.

“My love.” Your throat was shutting itself tight but you fought it. “You can be mad at me, it’s alright. This is what a marriage is like.” And you meant it. 

Hyunjin froze in place, one hand squeezing your thigh, the other somewhere near your head. “Mad at you?” He frowned deeply, staring at you like it was the first time he ever saw you. “Mad at YOU?” 

You felt even more foolish then, your pussy already wet just from a few kisses and even fewer touches, realizing that you had misunderstood him. 

“None of that anger, or hatred, is directed at you,” Hyunjin managed slowly. “I love you. My beekeeper wife. I love you. I love you. I love you—” And then he was back on your lips, his tongue gliding in between yours. 

How could you tell him? How could you tell him that he was his own worst enemy, that he was the only thing keeping himself on a leash? 

“I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that tonight, but that's not all. This morning too.” He spoke to you between kisses, feeling the damp linen over your cunt with his fingertips. “I shouldn’t have… touched you like that. It’s wrong.” 

And yet you clenched around nothing remembering the way it had felt when he pinned you down, when you had been trapped underneath him. When he held you in place, his grip unforgivable and strong. It would have been factually wrong to say you hadn’t been frightened at all. And yet you feared nothing from Hyunjin—you trusted him with your life. 

“I liked it,” you breathed, losing yourself in him already. 

“It’s wrong. Baby, it’s wrong,” he insisted, his voice somewhere between a moan and a grunt. “Don’t ever let me do this to you again. Hit me if you must.” 

You moaned too when he rubbed your folds through your underskirt in slow, lazy circles. You reached for his trousers, attempting to undo the button. Hitting him? No. Taking his cock in your mouth and letting him fuck your throat? Yes. 

“Oh fuck,” he groaned when you squeezed him through his pants. 

Here’s what would happen—you would have drunken sex during which Hyunjin would open his heart to you, during which he would pleasure you, shatter you, devour you. He would finish in your mouth and you would welcome the sting at your throat and your sore jaw because they felt just like kisses. It wouldn’t be the first time such an event occurred. Tomorrow, you would talk it out. And progress would or wouldn’t be made. 

Or so you thought, until Hyunjin stretched his arm a little to pull your pillow closer, perhaps to lay it under your head. He stopped everything, motionless, and you could only watch in horror as he pulled the vial from where you had hastily hidden it. He looked at the label and then he looked at you. You remembered the morning of your thirteenth birthday—the day you became a woman. Waking up in a puddle of your own blood, afraid, ashamed as though you had done something terribly wrong. 

Hyunjin pulled away, standing next to the bed, still gaping at the bottle he was holding, his tented pants unbuttoned.

One thing about Hyunjin though was that he kept his promises. He had hated speaking harshly at you that morning so, tonight, he did the opposite. 

“Darling,” he said in a strangled voice, softer than you ever expected. “Wh—” He lost his words again and you sat down on your bed, shaking. “I forbade you.” The look of betrayal on his face was, perhaps, the worst thing ever inflicted on you, worse than any insult your mother might have hurled at you. It would have hurt less if Hyunjin had hit you in the face. 

“Please,” you began, but you were in a panic, dizzy and tired and drunk and scared, and it seemed like you had lost all ability to speak. “Hyunjin—”

Not once did he raise his voice. “Come.” He grabbed at your arm and did so in an exceptionally delicate manner. It would not have been different if you two were walking in a wildflower field on a sunny day. “Here, darling. Did you take these just now?” 

Before you could give him an answer, he dragged you to the lavatory, making you stand right in front of the sink. The mirror showed you a bleak reflection. You could barely recognize yourself. 

“Throw them up. Now. Please.” 

“Hyunjin, I—”

He pressed his hand at the back of your head, forcing you to lean over the sink, but not really forcing you. He would have done the same motion should he have wanted to show you a beautiful flower on the ground. “Do you want me to do it for you?” he asked calmly, bringing his fingers near your lips. “It’s okay baby, it’ll be over in a second.” Before you knew it, his fingers were in your mouth, reaching for your throat to stimulate your gag reflex. And he knew exactly how to do so—he was very intimate with the aforementioned gag reflex. 

He was so gentle with it that you weren’t sure what brought the tears to your eyes exactly—maybe it was his distress, or the pussy-laced fingers invading your mouth. Or maybe it was shame and regret. 

In one swift motion, you grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist to pull him away, freeing your throat. You coughed, choking on your own spit. 

“Darling,” Hyunjin began, and you raised your hand to quiet him while you caught your breath. 

You wiped the tears at the corner of your eyes, but one glance at the mirror revealed the mess that you had become. “I didn’t take it. I’m fine.” 

“You didn’t take it,” he repeated slowly, almost like he didn’t understand. “You didn’t take the medication. Are you lying to me?”

“No. I didn’t.” You left the washroom, returning to your bedroom before he could get ahold of the capsules. While Hyunjin stood there, you quickly closed the lid on the bottle and set it on the small table by the window. 

You noticed the droplets of water sticking to the glass. As though they were beckoning you, you made your way to the door leading to your balcony. The rain was light but cold, the sort of rain that was almost snow but not quite. Everything was dark, so dark that you could not make out the mountains on the horizon. 

Hyunjin joined you in the cold, his eyes darker than the rainy night. 

You wished, almost, that he would scream, that he would be enraged. You wished, almost, that he reacted violently. But instead, he held you. Close. He pressed your head on his chest and held you there, caressing your hair, rocking you ever so slightly in a comforting motion. You couldn’t tell whether he was trying to comfort you or himself.

“Darling,” he whispered, his voice blending with the rain in the exact same way he blended a deep red with true black on a canvas. “I would kill any man or woman who laid a single finger on you. I almost did so once and I would and will do it again if I ever need to.” He held you tighter. He was warm, feverish, and his heartbeat was irregular. “In this case, I’m the one who’s hurting you. So tell me, darling. Tell me what I’m supposed to do.” 

You wanted to tell him that he wasn’t hurting you but it would have been a lie. As reluctant as you were to admit it. You had never admitted it to yourself before. You swallowed a sob, wrapping your arms around your husband, holding onto him. 

He pulled away so he could look you in the eyes, holding your face in his hands. His pretty traits were twisted in anguish. You watched as a raindrop rolled from his temple, where his wet hair stuck to his skin, down to his jaw. He waited patiently until you were strong enough to look him in the eyes, too. 

He caressed your lips with his thumb—he didn’t seem drunk anymore, as though the shock had sobered him up. 

“Darling,” he said nonetheless. “I’m begging you. I’m begging you. I’m nothing without you. Nothing, do you hear me? Your absence would cause my demise, in one way or another. And yet I do not want to die. I want to be alive. With you. I want to hear your laughter, I want to wake up by your side. I want to taste your honey. I want to paint you, and travel with you, and—” He paused, overwhelmed, while your heart swelled with love and something even deeper than that, something that didn’t even have a name. “I’m sorry I’m not enough. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. But please, don’t—” 

You put your hands over his—he was trembling. He was digging a hole in your chest. 

“I’m sorry I did that this morning. I’m sorry I got angry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You had never seen him like that. He was broken. 

“I told you I liked—” 

But he didn’t let you finish your sentence. He shook his head and a few more droplets of rain rolled down his cheeks. “You don’t know what was on my mind. Terrible things. Disgusting things. I almost…” His gaze became unfocused as he replayed the scene in his mind. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. “It won’t happen again. I won’t let it. I won’t hurt you, I won’t—” 

“Hyunjin.” You thought about all of the colors in your heart, about all of the words in your mind, about all of the sorrow in your veins. You wanted—no, you needed—him to understand. “All my life, they told me I needed to do this and that and be this and that and not to do this or that. And not to say this, but to say that. And I know that your childhood was awful, a lot worse than mine, but you will never understand what it is to have been born a woman.” 

That seemed to unsettle him and to ground him at once. He straightened up a little, looking at you inquisitively, listening as the rain kept on pouring on the both of you. 

“Every day, from the age of six or seven years old,” you went on, “I was reminded of how important it all was. I was told that if I did well—if I was intelligent enough, pretty enough, if I took care of my hair, of my body, of my—” You gulped, finding it harder to breathe. “Of my garden, I would become worthy of bearing your heirs. Hyunjin, it’s the only thing that was allowed to define me. My entire life. The beekeeping was just a distraction from that reality. I was made to be the mother of your children more than I was made to be your wife. I don’t know what I am without that. I’m nothing if I’m not that. And yet I understand you, and I respect your wish to never have children. I love you, Hyunjin. I just wanted… I think I just wanted to get rid of that burden. I told myself it was to relieve you of it, but really, it was for me. I wanted to be something more.” 

Slowly, Hyunjin lowered his face just millimeters away from yours, ghosting your lips with his, his hot breath spreading on your skin like ink on paper, like red wine on white silk. His forehead pushed onto yours gently. 

“My pretty, pretty wife.” He kissed you—a deep, languid kiss, his tongue caressing yours, his fingers closing into fists in your hair. “Can’t you see? Can’t you see what I see in you?”

Another kiss followed—this time, however, he pulled you with him until his back hit the wall behind him. It rained a little less here, close to the manor, but a shiver went down your spine anyway. 

“It was never about what I want or don’t want,” he continued, his lips caressing yours with every word. “I do want it too. More than you would ever expect. I want to fuck a baby into you. I want to make love to you and I want to see your belly swell with the life that I put inside it. I want to hold the baby we made together and kiss its little baby forehead. And then, when it’s big enough, I want to fuck another into you. And another. I want to love them the way my father never loved me. I want to love you, and them, forever. It’s not about what I want or not. I want it. I just cannot, in good conscience, let it become reality. My blood is tainted. The fairy tale would turn into a nightmare, and I would hurt you, and our family.” 

Traumatized. Your husband was traumatized. 

And maybe, probably, so were you. 

You buried your face in the crook of his neck, where the scent of his cologne was stronger. He held you in his arms for what might have been a minute, or perhaps an hour. He only moved when he noticed your body trembling not from emotion, but from the cold—he took your hand then, leading you back inside. 

“I’ll go ask for a bath for you.” He kissed the top of your head. “You need to warm up. I’ll make sure our guests are comfortable for the night, too.” 

You didn’t let go of his hand when he took a step away—he turned to you, head tilted to the side. “I want to have my bath here.” You took a deep breath. “And come back to me. Don’t lock yourself in your room.” 

“I’ll come back.” Normally, on the evenings before he left for a business trip, Hyunjin went to bed early, often in a room separate from yours since he didn’t want to wake you up in the morning.

“Okay.” You touched him, his toned chest, letting your fingers linger on the buttons of his shirt. He left the room and you almost collapsed, barely making it to your bed.

You lay down. You just lay down, your eyes fixated on the ceiling above. You were still there when the two maids came in—it was Salma and Emi. You remembered that Anhjong was off duty until tomorrow morning.

“Lady Hwang,” they said in unison, dropping their heads. Salma was holding Cloud in her arms. As soon as she saw you, the cat jumped on the ground so she could join you in bed. “His lordship said you were to have a bath,” Emi added. 

You gave them a simple hm hm, caressing Cloud’s soft fur as the almost fully-grown cat rolled into a ball next to you, her purrs echoing in the quiet room. You closed your eyes, trying to breathe at the same slow pace as her. 

“Should we add anything to the water, my lady?”

“Just some jasmine oil, Salma. Thank you.”

“You seem tired, Lady Hwang. Should we stay? I can wash your hair if you wish,” Emi offered. 

“I am tired,” you admitted. “But I’ll be just fine. After you’ve filled the tub, please return to your quarters and enjoy your night.” 

You were eager to plunge into the small but comfortable copper tub of your lavatory—while Hyunjin’s was more spacious, yours felt, well, like yours. You liked this room and everything about it. The balcony, the view in the morning, the furniture, the rich wood adorning it. In any case—for some reason you couldn’t quite explain, you craved Hyunjin’s presence in a space that wasn’t his. Almost like you feared you would overdose on him.

He was far by now. Most likely, he was back downstairs with Lord Christopher and Changbin who were having late-night drinks, as they usually did when the Bangs visited. Normally, you would be with Ha-ri and Lady Bang,somewhere in the manor, chatting and doing lady things. It did not matter, however, how far away Hyunjin was—you could still feel his hands on your body, his lips on your skin. You could still hear his voice in the air around you. 

Can’t you see what I see in you?

You wondered what it was that he saw. You wondered if any of it came from you, really you, or if it was all just more attributes forced onto you. 

It was never about what I want, or what I don’t want.

Apparently not. None of what Hyunjin had told you tonight felt real—you would be able to recite each word but your mind simply could not believe them. 

Hyunjin had not chosen you, he had not chosen to be engaged or married to you. 

But neither had you. And it did not change one thing about the amount of love you held for him, or how profound that love was. 

I want to fuck a baby into you.

You pressed your thighs together, clenching around nothing. You hadn’t lied to him—it was true that you had been built into a baby-making wife. But what was also painfully true was your hunger. Your yearning. And it had nothing to do with childbearing. It was not the sort of thing a lady should ever have on her mind, let alone act on. They locked women in asylums for thoughts far less lewd or offensive. 

You wanted Hyunjin that way because you desired him. You wanted him like he was a part of you that was missing—and maybe he was. Maybe he was exactly that. It didn’t matter how it would happen. He could hastily take you from behind at some event, unable to help himself. Or he could take his time, sinking into you over the course of several hours. He could, if he wanted, hurt you. He could pull your skirt up at any moment and take you, claiming you for good. He could, if he wanted, fuck his demons into you. You would gladly rid him of them. He would not need to be kind. He could pin you down, tie you up, pull your hair. Nothing that he would do to you would hurt as much as the absence of him did.

But you loved him.

You loved him enough to give up just about anything if it meant you would be together. The edges of his soul were sharp, but so were yours. He had given you quite a few cuts just like you had done to him. He had never chosen to marry you. You had never chosen to marry him.

But you had fallen in love with him.

And you had chosen to let that happen. 

No amount of tears, of pain, of frustration would ever make you regret that, or make you wish your life had taken another turn. Often, others kept their hearts closed—they made sure to stay at a safe distance from the things they liked out of fear of those becoming things they loved. But you weren’t like that and you had never been. 

Once, your mother had told you, Why is it that whenever you love something, it’s broken, or crippled? And you did not have an answer to that question. You loved what you loved. Period. She had tried to paint you as weak because of it, and for a long time, you believed her. You could see it clearly now. No love, certainly not the honest, unconditional kind, was the symptom of a brittle heart. On the contrary—only the bravest ones allowed it to permeate their souls.

One day, a traveling merchant visited your family’s villa—he was selling strange wares, something you had never seen before. Plates, vases, cups, teapots—except they were not new. He had said that these pieces had once been valuable and that they had been discarded by their owners after shattering. This man, an old man, explained to your father and to you how he had made it his life’s purpose to repair these objects so they could be beautiful again. So that they could fulfill their purpose. 

He used gold to reattach the pieces together. The practice had a name, only you couldn’t remember what it was called.

You loved Hyunjin exactly the way he was—as broken or crippled as he might be. And one day, maybe, he would let you become the string of gold that held him together, something that made him whole again.

A delicate scent of jasmine reached Hyunjin’s nostrils as soon as he pushed your bedroom door open. He almost dropped the tray he was holding when Cloud snaked in between his feet, dashing out of the room with one of her characteristic—and very loud—meows. At this hour, she usually liked to hang around the kitchen. The staff fed her some meat and she liked to nap by the oven while it was still warm. 

“Is that you?” you inquired. Your question was followed by gentle splashes of water, indicating that you were already bathing. 

You didn’t need to say his name. He knew when you were speaking to him because your voice sounded different then.

“It’s me.” Without wasting time, he went to you.

The air was thick in the washroom, heavy with the humidity created by your apparently very hot bath. You didn’t seem bothered by the heat one bit, laying in the water like a siren, head resting on the edge of the tub. It was too dark for him to see you nearly as much as he’d like, but he could make out your silhouette under the water, familiar and enticing. 

His heart still beating unevenly after tonight’s events, he sat on the chair near the bathtub, setting the tray on the counter next to him. You observed him in silence, your hair floating around you, your fingers tracing circles in the water, creating ripples on the surface of it.

“I brought you some food.” His voice was still shaking. He couldn’t stop seeing it in his head. Those awful capsules you kept. The look in your eyes when he found you. The look in your eyes this morning when he almost violated you. “You haven’t had dessert.” 

You remained quiet, your eyes not leaving him once. He had stepped out just short of half an hour, long enough to let things settle, to digest at least some of it. Long enough to hear the staff talk excitedly about the big news, which had just become public. Literally moments ago, apparently. It was with tears in his eyes that Christopher confirmed it to be true. And it was with tears in his eyes, too, that Hyunjin embraced him and congratulated him. If there was one man Hyunjin had no doubt would be a wonderful father, it was him.

Hyunjin rose from his seat, grabbing one of the pieces of honeycomb he had brought. They were a part of your last harvest—while you insisted they should be reserved for presents to your friends or guests, he didn’t like thinking that you worked so hard to take care of your bees, all summer, only to give away all of the yield. 

It was sticky on his fingers. He lowered himself right by the tub and brought the sweet treat to your lips. You took a little bite from it and more honey spilled on his hand, dripping on your collarbone. Hyunjin ate the rest, savoring each second of it, the chewy beeswax and the unique taste of your wildflower honey. 

“Do you want more, darling?” he asked softly, licking his fingers clean so he wouldn’t waste a single drop.

“No, Hyunjin. Thank you.” 

He stood again, wincing in pain—the injury to his knee had healed well but his leg had never been quite the same since—and returned to the counter to get you something else. Your lips curved into a smile when he brought you a small glass of port. You went to hold it but he didn’t let you. Instead, he pressed it on your lips, helping you drink it.  

“Oh, it’s the good one,” you commented after the first sip. 

“Only the best for my darling wife,” he replied with a smile that was a little somber. 

This time, you didn’t let him—you took the glass from him, allowing him to drink his own. It was really warm here and the fabric of his shirt stuck to his skin in places, or maybe it was just the curve of your bare shoulders. 

Your free hand broke the surface of the water and you held it palm up towards him. His heart jumped a little when he understood what you were asking for, but he held your hand, squeezing it gently. 

“I apologize, Hyunjin,” you uttered slowly. “I’m sorry I…” You sighed, drinking a small sip of port while you found the right words. “I’ve been so selfish.”

He almost choked on his drink. “Selfish? No, that’s me, I’m selfish. I keep doing what I think is right because otherwise my conscience couldn’t take it. I should have realized before that it has consequences. That even if we think something is right, it doesn’t mean it is.”

He had repeated the pattern you had been used to—putting you through his own issues and pacifying you with an apiary. Wasn’t this exactly the same as your childhood? He still remembered your letters from then—he remembered all of your letters—and how surprised you were that your parents would allow you to learn the beekeeping trade. His intentions mattered little here—of course he had done it to make you happy. And it had made you happy. Only it was like making you lick honey off the stem of a rose—the taste would be sweet, yes, but the thorns would cut your tongue nonetheless.

You sat upright, pulling yourself closer to him, your chin resting on the arm you kept on the edge of the tub. “We’re sick in the head, aren’t we?” you whispered, sorrow written all over your face. You sighed. “I had a very unladylike idea. And you had the very unlordly reaction to shove your fingers down my throat to make me throw up. All of that just because I’m too… concupiscent for my, or your, own good.”

“Concupiscent?” He swallowed the last of his port but barely, coughing it down. 

“Yes, concupiscent!” you repeated, but this time, your traits had softened and the ghost of a smile appeared on your lips. “Both in the literal and Christian sense of the word.” 

“You’re exaggerating, darling.” He became serious then. In his head, his thoughts danced in circles, too fast for him to grasp onto one. The truth was that he couldn’t stop thinking of the moment he saw you with these evil pills. 

You had it all wrong. He had failed to make you see the love he had for you. He had failed you as a husband. As a friend. Because if you knew the extent—the magnitude—of his devotion, the thought wouldn’t even have crossed your mind. Because then you would have known that any harm you caused yourself was inflicted tenfold onto him. 

You were the only thing in the world that mattered. He would give up on it all if it meant that joy had made a home out of your heart. 

“I’m not,” you went on. “I’m humbly asking for your forgiveness.” 

“There is nothing to forgive. Darling. Nothing.”

You looked into his eyes. “You’re wrong. There is. I am asking for your forgiveness. Please give it to me.” 

He discarded his empty glass. “I dare not ask for your forgiveness, but—”

You cut him off. “I forgive you.” 

The air had been kicked out of his lungs—for a few seconds, he could only hear a ringing in his left ear. He didn’t deserve you. He never had. You had too good of a heart—it should love something other than him. In a perfect life, you wouldn’t be Lady Hwang. You wouldn’t even know of his existence. In a perfect life, you would be a princess, or perhaps even a queen, and your husband would have a soul that didn’t have holes in it. 

But life wasn’t perfect. Which meant that his life was absolutely perfect.

Because it had put you on his path. Because you were his sweet, sweet wife, living under his roof, because you took his name, because you were his. He knew he held no ownership over you and yet you were his woman. No matter how hurt, no matter how deranged either of you were, Hyunjin was your man and you were his woman.

“And don’t tell me not to,” you added. “I’m not taking it back. Can we try again? Please?”

“Try what, darling?” he caressed your hair. Most of it was damp. 

“This. All of this. Our marriage.” You thought about it. “I don’t want to erase what we had, but I want to move past tonight. I made a mistake and… I want to outgrow it.” 

He sighed, kissing your forehead. Your skin was warm—the warmth spilled inside of him, traveling from his lips, spreading within his body. “Then, I do forgive you.” He still didn’t see anything he ought to give you forgiveness for, but if it was something you needed to hear from him, then he ought to say it. “Promise me you will never hurt yourself? You’ll never only hurt you if you do so.” 

You nodded, tilting your head to the side, inviting him in for a kiss to which he did not resist.  Hyunjin kissed you slowly. Your mouth tasted like honey and port and you smelled like jasmine and he was so in love with you that sometimes it felt like he was dying. It had to be what death felt like, right? Frightening and peaceful at once. 

You deepened the kiss, breathing your sweet air into his lungs. He moaned when you rested your hands, dripping with hot scented water, onto his shoulders to pull him closer. Only he was as close as he could be. You owned him. He was little more than a marionette dictated by your existence. 

He melted into the kiss, warmth spreading in his belly. Your fingers, sneaky and agile, began undoing the buttons of his shirt. You smiled against his lips as you undressed him lazily and he, himself, took care of his trousers. Clothes seemed so futile when he was with you—any moment spent without the contact of your bare skin on his was wasted.

It took no time for him to step into the tub with you. Only, this one was much smaller than the one in his bedroom so he had to squeeze himself there. Fortunately you found a solution to the problem when you came to straddle him, your ass resting on his thighs, your arms around his neck. 

He kissed your lips again, then your neck. He licked the honey off your collarbone, his hands digging into the soft flesh of your hips. The warmth you had sparked within him had turned into something else. It felt, almost, like something was vibrating at a low frequency in his lower abdomen. 

“Baby, we don’t have to,” you murmured into his hair, holding onto him. “I just needed you close.” Maybe you were feeling him grow hard against your thigh—Hyunjin had no way to resist you. But it was becoming difficult. To resist. 

Because, before tonight, he had never admitted to anybody—not even to himself—the things he told you. In some ways, he became aware of them as the words spilled from his lips. He couldn’t explain his panic. You wouldn’t be the first woman to use this substance to prevent or stop birth. He was well aware of the practice. 

How could he explain this to you? 

He recognized the bottle in your hands from across the room. He had seen it before, or something similar enough anyway, in his mother’s bedroom cabinet. He couldn’t explain it to you because he had no way of proving it anyway, but he knew that his mother had suffered numerous miscarriages. That he was the only baby who ever held inside her. 

Had she wanted him at all?

Had she tried to get rid of him, too? Had she tried to prevent him altogether in preparation for whenever his father might want to unleash himself onto her next? 

Maybe, what he had seen at that moment as you sat on your bed, holding the medicine in your hands, was the reality he had been avoiding for so long—by trying so hard to be unlike his father, he was becoming indistinguishable from him. He was becoming him, only in a different shade perhaps. 

He wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be more than trying to be something, or someone. He wanted to deserve you. Really deserve you.

And it was difficult to resist. His willpower was weakening the more time he spent with you because it just meant he loved you a little more each day. And every day, it was a surprise because he had never imagined he would have the capacity to love you more than he already did.

And yet. 

“I’m right here darling.” 

He let his hands travel along the paradise that was your body, stopping only to cup your breasts. He played with your nipples in slow, relaxed circles, using his thumbs. The rest of his fingers squeezed you, eliciting a little breathy moan out of you that was so alluring it made him dizzy. 

You caressed him, too—his neck, his arms, his forearms, holding onto his wrists, your face twisting in pleasure with every new touch despite how you seemed to want to fight it. He didn’t want to fight it. He didn’t want to fight anymore. He had fought his inner demons his whole life, and for what? 

“I’m right here,” he said again, his eyes gliding over your body. “God, look at you. My pretty wife… and those tits…” 

You blushed violently so he did not let you turn away—gently pushing your chin upwards with two of his fingers, Hyunjin watched as your skin became a canvas on which color was spreading, deep and vivid and moving, better than any masterpiece. 

“Lovely,” he commented, peppering your face with little kisses. 

You giggled under your breath, taking his mouth for a deep kiss. Your lips were smooth and warm—he kissed you back, desperately, losing a bit more of his sanity with each second. 

“Why are you laughing?” he questioned, amused and endeared and aroused. “Did I say something funny?” 

You shook your head and took a few instants to give him your response, during which he admired you some more. Your eyes like stories, telling more than an entire library ever could, your flushed cheeks, your lips, raw from kissing. 

“No.” You bit your lip, sinking onto him a little more, the weight of you delightful on his hardening cock. “You make me feel beautiful.” 

Maybe it was his life’s calling—maybe he had been put on his Earth to serve that one and only purpose. To serve you, your heart, and your beauty. To be the mirror in which you saw all of those things that made you the ravishing woman that you were. From your smile to the way you pronounced his name, or your sweeter-than-honey voice. Your mind,stronger than mountains and your heart. Your heart, which was much like an ocean—grand, full of life, and deep. Your heart held so much that sometimes he worried you would collapse under its weight. But no, not you. Because you were you. His pretty beekeeper wife. And there was nothing he wanted more than to drown in that sea. 

“You are beautiful, darling.” 

He throbbed when you rolled your hips just a little, seeking friction. Your lips parted open but no sound came out of them. What a shame—he ought to change that. 

He, too, bucked his hips, but a little harder, and this time you blessed him with your voice, moaning as you let your head fall in the crook of his neck. He was going to be fully hard soon if you kept going. If he kept going. He slid his hands at your back to rest them on your ass, keeping you close. The feeling of your hard nipples against his chest was enough to drive him crazy. There was no space between your body and his, and yet it wasn’t even enough. He needed more. He needed you closer even.

“I wish I had understood all these things before,” he confessed, massaging your ass, rubbing his erection on your thigh and the soft skin of your cunt. 

“We said we were moving on,” you reminded him, kissing his jaw. “I just want both of us to be happy.”

Moving on. Something he had never quite done before. His entire life, Hyunjin had been haunted by the ghosts of his past and some days, he still felt as though he was the little boy hiding in his room—in this room—to escape fury or despair. 

But he would do any one thing you asked for. His defenses had all been annihilated tonight. He was finally allowing his heart to tap into his deepest, most secret desires, to turn silence into words, to let them take flight. He hoped it wasn't too late, but it was tonight that he realized that love would always be stronger than fear. 

“What else do you want, baby?” Anything. You could ask for anything and he would give it to you. 

Your lips crashed on his for a passionate kiss—you let go of his shoulders to shove a hand underwater, wrapping your fingers around his cock. “Let me make you feel good,” you said between kisses, squeezing him, making him see stars already. Heat pooled between his legs and he suppressed a whimper when you fondled his balls in the most tender, sensual way you possibly could.

He groaned in your mouth as you alternated between palming and pumping his length. “Close your eyes,” you whispered, pushing his head back to expose his neck. You kissed him there too. 

You thumbed his tip skillfully, using just enough friction, touching him in all the right places. “Oh fuck.” You knew him by heart, didn’t you? He was a slave under you, obeying each of your commands. 

“I want to ask you something.” Your voice was low. “I want you to tell me what you were thinking about this morning when you…” 

He throbbed in your hand at the mere memory of it. You felt it, adjusting your pace accordingly. 

“No,” he managed, his breath hitching. “It’s not… right.” 

Your languid massage came to a halt—instead, you squeezed him so hard that his entire body jerked forward, pleasure and pain becoming one, spreading under his skin. 

You went on. “I want to know what it would be like. If we…” 

He tried to steady his breathing but you made it very difficult by literally holding him by the balls and looking like a goddess on top of him. 

“We never have to do it,” you added softly with a smile. “But I want to imagine it in my head.” 

We never have to do it only Hyunjin had reached the limit. Of what he could prevent. Of his self-control. His temperance had run out.

“No man should say these things to his wife.” It was too lewd. Too honest. “I fear I would feel compelled to act upon my words. And it wouldn’t be right to do so tonight, would it, darling?”

“Not if you do it to silence me,” you breathed. “It would only be right if you did so because you wanted it so bad that you couldn’t help it. Isn’t that what almost happened, earlier? Is that why you were so angry this morning?” 

He throbbed again—harder this time, moaning as you gave his cock a gentle squeeze. “Baby—” 

Fuck this.

He had enough of it all. Of trying. Of resisting. Of pretending, even to himself, that he wasn’t obsessed with it, with you. He should have loved you hard on your wedding night. He should have loved you hard every night after.

“Tell me,” you insisted. But instead of telling you, he lifted you off him—you stared at him surprised, retreating a little farther. 

He pushed himself up, splashing water all over the floor in the process, getting out of the bathtub. You turned to him, reaching for his cock again—hard, straining—and opening your mouth to take him between your lips, but he stopped you, cupping your face instead. “Get up, darling.” 

Your eyes widened with anticipation and he had to force air into his lungs as you stood, graceful and sinful at once, your skin covered in goosebumps. Water rolled down your body and he followed it with his gaze. He liked the way the drops slowed down around your stomach before they continued their course, disappearing in the trimmed, silky-soft hair covering your pussy. 

You stepped out of the bathtub, your arms around his neck to kiss him—he kissed you back but wrapped your legs around his waist as he lifted you. He should have done so on your wedding night. He should have done so every night after.

“A—Are you sure?” you managed, grinding almost painfully on his erection, kissing and licking his neck, leaving a trail of spit behind. “You’re not doing it just to—”

He lay you in your bed, dampening the sheets immediately but he didn’t care. He held his cock, giving it a few lazy pumps as he kneeled over you. “No, I’m not doing it to silence you. Or whatever.” He kissed you. Your thighs. Your mons. Your waist. Your breasts. Your neck. Your lips. “I’m doing it because I can’t fucking resist you anymore.” 

You whined when he pushed onto your knee to spread your legs for him, holding onto his arms like you were afraid to fall. Were you scared? Turned on? Eager? You looked eager—disheveled, with your eyes glazed over, your chest rising and lowering with your small, shallow breaths.

You let out a loud moan when he cupped your pussy, feeling how wet you were and it wasn’t from the bath. Your juices stuck to his fingers and the palm of his hand as he massaged you, the tip of his fingers teasing your ass. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck—” You sighed, head falling at the back, arching your back. “Yes, please—” 

It would be a lie to say he hadn’t thought about this moment a lot. Because he had. Before meeting you and after. Sometimes he was imagining long, elaborate scenarios, and others simply picturing the moment he would work you open and the context didn’t matter.

Except it mattered. Context was everything. Context was more important than the act itself. It was with shame that he was towering over you tonight, the flames of the candles around your bed lighting only some parts of you—your left breast, your waist on the left side, too, your face. You had granted him his forgiveness a little too quickly and it didn’t feel quite deserved now. So he would keep begging you for it until he was satisfied. Until he knew he earned it, really earned it.

He clicked his tongue at the sight. “Darling.” He pressed two fingers at your entrance and he swore he could feel your pulse there. He caressed you, smearing your slick all over your pussylips. “Not so fast.” He needed more time.

He would keep begging until he knew he deserved you, which was to say, he would keep begging until his last breath. He didn’t need to use words for it. He would put his mouth to a better use than that, whispering his pleas into you.

He lowered himself between your legs, in this sacred place, kissing your inner thighs. Your skin smelled like the jasmine oil you had bathed in but the scent of your pussy was better. Sweeter. 

“You want to know what went through my mind this morning?” He inhaled you, pressing his face between your legs, your slick coating his face. You writhed under him, your fists finding his hair. “It might offend you to know I was frighteningly close to forcing myself onto you.” He lapped at your cunt, teasing you, letting your taste melt into the tip of his tongue. Just little kitten licks, but each of them sent a jolt of lightning directly to his crotch. Each of them made you moan louder than the last. 

It was true and it felt good to say it while tasting you. It felt good to say it, period. 

“I wanted to keep you there and spread you open,” he went on, tilting his head to the side a little so he could reach your entrance better. Your cunt fluttered on his tongue, forcing a grunt out of him. “I wanted to watch myself sink into your tight cunt. Wanted to bury myself as deep as I could.” 

You cried out, your hand closing into a fist in his hair, pressing him closer, rolling your hips to meet his tongue, to rub your clit onto his nose. You were hungry for more but he was hungrier. A craving that could not be explained with words. 

“I wanted to break you open.” He used two of his fingers to expose you to him. “I wanted to fuck you. And ruin your pretty pussy.” Hyunjin pushed his tongue into your tight hole, licking you, fucking you with it. He did it because he knew you loved it, he knew you lost it every time he did it. But the truth was that it was an out-of-body experience to feel your cunt flutter around his tongue. You arched into his mouth, your voice filling the quiet room. “I thought exactly the same thing the very day I met you. We weren’t even married, darling, and I already wanted to ravage you.” 

He quickly returned to your cunt, kissing it, fucking it sloppy with his tongue. You were meant to be worshiped. Could you feel that? Could you feel that each swirl of his tongue was a new prayer? 

He barely heard you over the lewd sounds of his own mouth on you, but he could swear you muttered something like please fucking do it, which made his legs go limp a little. He groaned, taking himself in one hand to soothe the aching pressure he felt at his core. Eager. So fucking eager, and impatient. Acting innocent earlier with your we don’t have to do it, knowing fully he would. Knowing he had no wish for restraint anymore.

No, of course, you weren’t like that, were you? You wouldn’t torture him this way. But you were hungry for cock, and it was driving him properly insane.

He emerged from between your legs out of breath, your juices dripping all over his chin. “You really don’t know, do you?” God, you were so fucking wet. And he wasn’t even really drunk anymore—yet he felt lightheaded, like he was barely more than a cock and a mouth and a heart that loved you endlessly. “You ask for something but you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it.” He meant that. As though to prove his point, he lay his tongue flat on your folds, taking one firm lick, slurping on you like you were the most extravagant dessert. Which, well, was exactly what you were. He was certain he could live off your cunt and only your cunt. You were the only sustenance required to keep him alive. “If I had my way with you, you would have blacked out while I made you mine.” 

You clenched around nothing, pressing your thighs together, pressing his head harder in between them. Concupiscent his ass. You were straight-up horny. But he had known this about you for a while now, hadn’t he? He just hadn’t let that information sink in—truly sink in—in order to protect you. Or himself. Both, perhaps. 

“I have to relax you before,” he explained. He was leaking already. “Do you understand, darling?” 

He glanced at you in time to see you nod—you propped yourself up on your elbows to get a better look at him, making it impossible for him not to smile. Even in this light, he could see your beauty. Hell, it could have been daylight or completely dark that it wouldn’t have made a difference. Your beauty transcended all human senses. 

“Don’t hold back,” he warned you, returning to his post, his purpose, his home. He pushed a single finger into your dripping hole—farther than he ever had before, just past the second knuckle. He felt it in his crotch when you clenched around him, writhing and whimpering desperately. 

He gave your clit a kiss first, a gentle one, massaging your walls with his finger. 

And then he unleashed himself on you. 

Hugging your clit in his plush lips, he licked and sucked onto it, regularly changing his tempo, fucking you with his finger at the same time, speaking sins and miracles into your cunt. The way you pulled his hair to fuck yourself onto his face made him want to die or something like it. He almost came when he felt a deep throb within you. You were close, too. 

He rotated his wrist, inserting a second finger inside—and almost lost his sanity because of it. How tight were you even? You wouldn’t be able to take his cock, would you? He wouldn’t even be able to put half of it in your virgin pussy. 

Your voice turned into pretty staccato moans when he found the soft spot he was looking for. You couldn’t stop clenching around his fingers, so he licked at your clit, obeying its demands, wishing nothing but to fulfill his function. 

“Yes, oh yes, oh my god—” You weren’t making much sense, but the sound of your voice almost brought tears to his eyes. Beautiful.

His wife. His woman.

He applied a bit more pressure in both places—your clit and the sensitive spot inside your cunt, moaning with you as you ascended, rubbing his cock onto the mattress. 

He did not stop when you came—you were convulsing almost violently on the bed, pleasure taking over you, crying out, your cunt pulsing under him. You gushed onto his face, coating it with your sweet, sweet, sweet cream. He stopped breathing, becoming one with you, letting your orgasm move him, too. Letting the high tide take him. Gradually, you came to a stop and he followed you into stillness too, only removing his fingers once he was certain your high had receded. 

You collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, the scent of your cunt all over him and this room. 

He was well aware that simply thinking such a thing was a cardinal sin, but he knew that if angels made love and had orgasms, they looked just like you when you did. Sounded like you. Felt like you. Tasted like you, too.

He couldn’t see it in the dark, but he knew that a special treat was now pooling at your entrance. His special treat. His reward for helping you reach rapture. He waited a few seconds while you were resting before selfishly lapping at your entrance once more, collecting your juices, slurping and swallowing them, swallowing you. 

You came back gently—he felt your hand in his hair again, caressing him lovingly now. He smiled as he drank the last of you, not wasting any time before he climbed up onto you so he could share your taste. You looked fucked out, your skin was hot and feverish, and he kissed you hard. He could feel you tasting yourself, seeking the sweetness in his mouth. He throbbed at that. He was no longer reigning over his own body for you were the queen sitting at the throne.

You pulled away, looking him in the eyes as best you could in the dark. You touched his face. He was feverish too, sweat pooling at his temples, his hair stuck in all sorts of places.

“We don’t have to,” you whispered for the second time that night, with a sweet smile on your lips and, if he wasn’t making things up, tears in your eyes. “I love you, Hyunjin.” 

“I love you too, darling.” His leaking cock rested on your pussy, as it usually did when he was making an approximation of love to you. “You know I love you, right? Don’t lie to me.”

He appreciated that you took a few seconds to think about it. You nodded, wiping the corner of your eye. “I do.”

Hyunjin leaned down to kiss your forehead. And then he kissed the tears on your cheeks. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. 

“Are you saying we don’t have to because you don’t want to, baby?” He gave your lips a kiss, too. “Because it’s okay.”

You shook your head vigorously. “No! No, I want to.” As though to prove your point, you wrapped your legs around his waist, the two of you becoming completely intertwined. But it was more than just your bodies—it was your souls that were entangled, too.

“But you’re crying.” He hated it when you cried. It was as though each tear was a thousand years of torture. 

“I’m crying but I’m not sad.” You held his face with both hands. “I’m not even scared. I'm happy.” 

He sort of wanted to cry, too so he understood what you meant. Tonight really was special. It was strange to know he was currently creating one of the most beautiful memories in his life, one that he would cherish even when he would be old. Perhaps especially when he would be old.  He smiled. “You’ll have to tell me if I hurt you.” 

“You will hurt me,” you said with conviction. “I want it to hurt.” 

He grunted, burying his face in your hair while he recovered from that lethal plea. You caressed his back, his waist, his ass, dragging your fingernails along his skin, tickling him all over. 

There wasn’t much left of the flames on the candles, which meant he had limited time. Because if there was one thing all of his fantasies had in common, it was that he truly, profoundly wished to look into your eyes as he fucked you. When he claimed you.

“Darling,” he began, “I want you to look at me.” 

You did, your eyes finding his when he positioned himself. His heart skipped a few beats when he spread you open. He guided himself near your entrance but stayed there. “Keep looking at me. Don’t close your eyes.” 

He could not wait anymore. It felt like he had waited a thousand years. It felt like it was the only way, maybe, you would truly understand the love he had for you. If he fucked it into you.  

“I love you,” you said again as he ever so slightly pushed the tip of his cock inside you. Barely. Not even an inch. 

But he caught on fire nonetheless. 

It took all of the composure in the world not to buck his hips violently—he had reached nirvana. He had ascended somewhere higher than heaven. Somehow, he could taste love and lust. He could hear colors maybe. 

“I love you,” he managed, his cock throbbing dangerously. 

He moved a little, sinking deeper into your heat, his cock engulfed by your tight warmth. His eyelids fluttered as blood rushed to his crotch but it felt like his heart was sinking and was beating somewhere there, astray but more powerful than ever.

You were so wet, so snug around him, your eyes not leaving him, your pretty mouth parted open as you took more and more of him. It was becoming difficult for him to move now. “Relax baby,” he muttered, retreating a little. 

“Do it,” you begged, your fingernails sinking into his back. “Take me, please.”

He caressed your folds, each of his moves slow and purposeful. “Again.” 

He sank into your warmth once more, not forcing it but making sure all of his tip had disappeared. “You’re so fucking wet,” he commented, hissing through his teeth. 

He kissed you, deeply, trying to say something with his tongue for which he could not find the words. You kissed him back, undulating your hips gently. 

He made sure it was as unhurried as it could possibly be. Hyunjin guided his cock into your intimacy, sinking into your dripping hole. 

“Deeper,” you whined, spreading yourself more for him.

“Shhh, baby.” He caressed your cheek, thrusting into you with more strength finally, stretching your virgin cunt open, moving in shallow thrusts, patiently. Yet impatiently. These few seconds appeared to him much longer than all of his existence so far.

It was better than anything he had ever thought it would be. Not because you were tight and not because you were soaking wet for him, and not even because you were a virgin and he was about to claim your chastity, the crumbs of innocence you had left. You were better than any whiskey, making him drunker than liquor ever could. Because he loved you. Because he had you. And he wouldn’t want his life to be any other way. It didn’t matter the pain that he went through if it meant that he got to be with you in the end. 

If given the choice, he would do it all over again so that he could be here with you, tonight, his aching cock forcing itself inside you. 

You cried out when he met resistance—he came to a stop, his heartbeat echoing in his ears. 

“Don’t close your eyes,” he breathed. “Just look at me.” 

He pulled away a little only to thrust back into you. And then he did it again. And again. Kindly. Slowly. You struggled with keeping your eyes open but you did so anyway, your moans more beautiful than any music as he fucked you into his woman. 

He would compare it to the feeling of jerking awake in the middle of the night, feeling like he was falling from the sky. That strange feeling of losing his balance, his senses, of not knowing where he was or where he was going.

Yes. It felt just like that when he breached you open.

He saw it in your eyes for just a second. Pain, pleasure, surprise. Ecstasy. You gasped, clenching around him, your fingernails cutting the skin of his back. He observed you the way some observed masterpieces in galleries, taking it all in, noticing the subtleties, engraving the beauty in his mind so that it would remain there forever. You looked at him like you had been falling, too, and like he was the only thing you could hold onto. You looked at him like you were seeing him for the first time. For the thousandth time. 

“FUCK—” Nothing could even compare to you. How tight you were. How well you took him. How beautiful you were with your flushed cheeks and the tip of your tongue resting on your bottom lip. 

Hyunjin moved inside you, stretching you some more, finally bottoming out. He looked down, barely seeing anything but enough to be aware that his cock was buried deep inside you. He stayed there, returning to your face, to your mouth. Just lips on lips, your breath tickling his skin, the spasms of your pussy calming down with you as you adjusted to his size. 

“Are you okay?” he asked under his breath, not sure whether he was or not. “Talk to me.” 

“Y—Yes.” You inhaled and exhaled a few times but it didn’t seem to have much of an effect. Hyunjin could feel your pulse through your skin. “Fuck me, Hyunjin.” 

You would kill him someday. 

“Spread your legs a little more for me, yeah?” He adjusted himself to be more comfortable as he kissed you. Your mouth, smooth and wet, still tasted like your pussy.

He didn’t break the kiss as he resumed his thrusts, barely moving at first. You jerked your hips underneath, attempting to fuck yourself onto him. He didn’t let you—not right now. He held you down by your waist, slowly pumping in and out of you, and the dance began. Because it was much like it, a dance—but so was just about everything beautiful, wasn't it?

Hyunjin remained calm for a while, fucking you slowly yet relentlessly, his body over yours and your hands all over him, feeling him, his abdomen, his arms, even his cock as he fucked you with it. Like you were trying to learn him the way you would learn a language or a trade. Or a dance. 

“You’re so—so big,” you moaned before biting into his shoulder as his fucking picked up a pace. As he slammed into you a little harder, but not nearly as hard as he could, or wanted to. 

He had thought it would be easy to ruin you but he had been wrong. You were the most precious thing in this world, and each cry tortured him to no end while, also, filling him with the highest pleasure he had ever experienced.

“Fuck me. Like that. Yes—” 

He did, obeying your command as he was meant to, stuffing you with his cock. His gentle thrusts blended into another shade of red when your gasps turned into long, erotic moans. He danced with you harder, faster, pounding into your dripping pussy, driving himself insane, driving himself close to his high. 

“Take it. Take my cock.” He was begging you in strangled groans. 

“Yes, please, yes!” 

He didn’t want it to stop. He never wanted this moment to end—he was ready to explode but he wished this night would last forever. It was all he ever wanted. To be balls deep into your cunt, your voice echoing in the room, the lewd sounds of your bodies colliding like music to his ears. He slowed down, taking some time to kiss your neck, your bare shoulder, to inhale the scent of your hair, to taste your pussy on your lips. 

“Baby.” You pressed your hands on his ass in an attempt at pushing him into your pussy again. Eager. So eager. “Don’t stop.” 

He needed a minute or an eternity. He was experiencing true bliss for the first time in his life, buried into your wetness, making his peace with whatever demons had been haunting him before.

When he failed to give you what you wished for, you did something that surprised him beyond words—you hooked your leg around his, rolling over and taking him with you until he was lying flat on his back. At one point in the maneuver, he slipped out from your soaked cunt and the air felt cold and brutal around him. He missed you immediately. It felt like he was lacking something, like he had lost an organ. 

Before he knew it, you were straddling him, panting, reaching for his cock to put it back where it belonged. 

It dawned on him then. As if he could see it all clearly, finally. You were his wife. You were the girl he had written letters to all his life. You were the girl who sent him letters all his life, too. You were the woman he married, the woman he had desired for years. The person he had loved all this time, the one he belonged with, the one he belonged to. And you were on top of him, claiming him just as much as he was claiming you. Time came to a stop when he realized that his wildest dreams had come true.

You sank onto his straining cock, taking more of it inch by inch, getting used to feeling him this way. You came to a stop when you were completely sitting on him, clenching violently. You were going to milk him. You were going to fuck his soul out of him. 

You rolled your hips tentatively once just to see what it was like. Then you did it again with a little more determination. And again. And again—soon enough, you were riding him in powerful, needy movements, accompanied by equally needy moans. Fuck. He was doomed.

Hyunjin snapped when you lay your hands flat on his chest, using another angle to take even more of him. 

“Already greedy,” he muttered, fucking you from below. “Look at the way you take my cock.” 

Like a pro. Like your body had always known his. 

“Take it. Use me, baby. Take what you need.” Hyunjin was close—his cock throbbed every two or three seconds and he couldn’t hold for much longer, certainly not with you on top of him like that, bouncing on his cock. 

He squeezed your tits, caressed your tummy, held your waist. He cried out when the speed of your riding increased, when your voice turned into desperate little gasps. 

“Take it.” You were using him. Abusing him. Edging yourself on his aching cock. “Cum on my cock, darling.” 

He grabbed your waist to guide the rolls of your hips, pushing you up and down on him, using you the same way you were doing with him. He was close. His vision was blurred—he had already started to melt into the mattress beneath him, his entire life dictated by the intoxicating sensation of your tight cunt undulating up and down his length. 

His pretty wife. His beekeeper wife. No longer a virgin but a cock-hungry, desperate seductress with whom he was hopelessly in love. 

The pressure in his abdomen became too much—his muscles tightened as he felt himself toppling over the edge. He saw sparks. He felt them, too, all over him. 

Hyunjin let out a long, drawn-out moan when he came, back arching into you, hips stuttering, pleasure shattering him in pieces. He spilled himself inside you, spurting thick ropes of cum and filling you with them. You fucked it all deeper inside you as you came, too, your pussy fluttering, your upper body collapsing onto him, your hips moving with your orgasm, obeying it. He didn’t think this amount of cum ever came out of him before—he was still twitching and leaking when you came to a stop, spent and content and exhausted. Much like him. 

Neither of you moved for a long time, long enough for all the candles to run out of wax, turning the room completely dark in the night. 

It wasn’t just dark. It was quiet—very quiet. And Hyunjin realized it was the same in his mind, too. For the first time in a long, long time—there wasn’t a voice shouting or whispering vile things in his head. There was nothing, only light, only love. Only you. 

You climbed down his softening cock but it was only so you could curl up in his arms—still, it felt just as erotic as making love to you when his seed dripped out of you, some of it landing on his skin, lukewarm and sticky. 

He held you close, the both of you sweaty, beautiful messes. 

“I hope I didn’t hurt you too much, darling.” He smiled, kissing your forehead.

It wasn't just that it was quiet in his mind—his chest was lighter, too. 

You hummed softly, your eyes closed, lulled to sleep by the rush of pleasure you experienced. “Not too much.” You opened your eyes but barely. “I didn’t think it would feel this big inside me,” you admitted. “But I loved it.” 

Hyunjin blushed, pressing you against him, keeping you there. If he could have it his way, neither of you would ever have to leave this bed. 

"Did I do alright?" you asked sleepily.

"Alright?" He held you tighter, kissing your forehead. "You fucked the life out of me, darling."

You giggled, the both of you comforted.

His slumber was dreamless, and yet he never ceased to feel your presence, even in his sleep.

It was sunlight that woke him up the next morning—for a few seconds, he thought it all must have been a dream, that it couldn't possibly have been true. Except you were still exactly in the same spot, naked, with light bruises on your waist where he held you, last night, as he rammed into you. There was more coloring at your neck where he sucked the skin too hard. 

You woke up too, smiling as you remembered the night before. He was about to kiss you when you looked at him with wide eyes like you had just gotten an epiphany. You sat up in your bed quickly, pushing yourself to the side, observing the mattress. 

“Oh my god,” you uttered, your voice raw from all your pleased screams and moans of the night before. “Hyunjin, we really did put way too much.” 

He didn’t get it at first. Only when he sat up, too, did he see the same thing as you, which was the faintest—and it was really, really faint—pinkish-red stain on your white silk sheets. There were a lot of other stains, and to him it looked no different than staring at a piece of art, for they were remnants of his lovemaking with you. 

Still, he chuckled with you, amused by your shock and at the way you covered your mouth, remembering your wedding night and his subterfuge. “Oh,” he simply said, admiring your body now. He had never felt any particular way when he entered a church, no matter how much he had been told of the sanctity of this place. But, looking at you, he understood what he ought to have been feeling all this time. His holy place. You were the goddess and the church at once, absolving him of all his sins, forcing him into sinning, hearing his grateful prayers and making him plea for mercy. 

The same pinkish-red spread on your cheeks, delightful to see. “I’m so embarrassed now,” you pouted, hiding your face in your hands. “Everyone saw it! Oh no!”

He couldn’t help but laugh, following you into your lavatory as you fled the scene as though it would diminish your shame. He chased you, catching you by the waist and lifting you onto the counter to sit you down there. He kissed you—your mouth tasted like old water and the ghost of your pussy had lingered on your lips. “You’re okay, darling. They don’t matter.” 

And he meant it. Hell, for the first time, he really did mean it. 

That adorable pout didn’t leave your face. However, you played with his hair while he covered your breasts in kisses.“We need a bath,” you pointed out. “We’re disgusting.” 

Your bathtub was still full of last night’s water. Hyunjin was supposed to leave for his business trip soon, but he had more important things to do, which were to wash up and have breakfast with you.

Or have you for breakfast. 

He had never in his life before felt so alive. He had never before wished for immortality. He would not have enough of a mere mortal lifetime to love you. 

“Let’s get dressed and have a bath in my room, yeah?” he suggested. “And then we can—”

You bit your lip, looking somewhere down his chest, smiling coyly. “Can we… you know? Again?” 

“Yes, my darling. Again and again.” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, taking in the sight of you. He had seen you wear luxurious gowns, he had seen your hair braided elegantly. But you had never been as beautiful as you were now. 

That day was the first day in Hyunjin’s life where he felt absolutely no dread, no gloom. From the moment he woke up in your cum-stained bed to the moment he fell asleep much later at night, in a different city after painfully parting from you, all that he held within him was peace. Peace and elation. 

He had held you close, very close, and you hadn’t broken into pieces. It had been distance that almost ruined it all, and Hyunjin would die before he let anything get in between you two again. 

“You really are a little too cheery, brother.”

Hyunjin glared at Jungkook, elbowing him on his left side to shut him up. “Don’t call me that in front of people,” he muttered between his teeth. “Actually don’t call me that at all. Ever.”

“You’re no fun at all, Hwang.” Jungkook rolled his eyes, turning to the rest of the group who were having a completely unrelated discussion and not paying them any mind. 

It was a splendid autumn evening, with a descending sunset and a cool breeze, making the walk from the hotel where he, Changbin, and Christopher stayed, quite pleasant and even invigorating. After three days of mentally draining business meetings and futile dinners with investors, Hyunjin had decided to prolong the trip a little, to go hunting among other things. Well, he didn’t really want to at first, but you insisted.

“It might be the only opportunity you get to do such a thing with Lord Christopher before he becomes a father,” you pointed out. “Knowing him, I doubt he will stay away from his wife and child much.” 

You were right, of course. So Chris had joined him, Changbin, and Jungkook for a short hunting trip, and Hyunjin was trying very hard to focus on all of that instead of remembering how it felt to sink inside you…

“Are you even listening to me?” Jungkook waved his hands just inches short of Hyunjin’s face to bring him back to the present moment. “Damn. Are you sure you’re quite alright?” He turned to the other two. “Did he hit his head or something?” 

Changbin shrugged while Christopher hid his smile. “He’s not telling us either, so I don’t know what his problem is.” 

Jungkook gave Hyunjin a look that was a little too knowing, but he couldn’t possibly know anything about his current state of mind, so Hyunjin brushed it off as regular jungkookesque behavior.

“I’m listening,” Hyunjin said impatiently. “I said I didn’t mind going, I just wish you would have told me about this dinner before I left. We would have packed better, more appropriate clothes.”

Jungkook waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. Teddy isn’t like that. I’ve known him a long time and he's even less lordly than I am.” 

“Well he mustn’t be very lordly at all then,” Hyunjin pointed out, causing Chris and Changbin to burst into laughter. Even Jungkook smiled reluctantly at the joke, pretending to be offended by it.

After spending most of the day outside hunting—and not catching anything, not even a hare—Jungkook had declared that the four of them had been formally invited for dinner at the residence of an old friend of his. He hadn’t really called him his friend, suggesting he was mostly an acquaintance. To Hyunjin, he had admitted to meeting him at a sex party. “But he had a girl on his cock and another was on the girl’s cunt, so we didn’t talk all that much.” 

Which did not make Hyunjin eager at all to meet Jungkook’s not-friend, but he apparently had a great collection of weapons that both Chris and Changbin really wanted to see. He had longswords and maces and even a few katanas, or so Jungkook claimed. Hyunjin figured, considering the man’s political influence, that he might be able to negotiate something out of it, or at least to make a good impression. Maybe it would serve a purpose one day. 

Which brought him to tonight. He followed the three other men, listening a little to Jungkook’s insane sex parties stories or his personal description of a few of the weapons they were about to see. But really Hyunjin was wondering what you were doing. It would be your birthday soon and he had found lovely gifts for you. He couldn’t wait to give them to you, to share them with you. 

It took little time to reach their destination, which was a large townhouse in a posh neighborhood of the city. They were greeted by Jungkook’s friend himself, and despite his discontentment with the outfit he was wearing, Hyunjin made sure to use his best manners. 

“I am so pleased to meet you, Lord Hwang,” the man said as he let them inside, away from the cold air. He was tall—taller than him even—and had chestnut-brown hair. “I heard a lot about you.”

“I have also heard a lot about you, Lord Grover.” Hyunjin dipped his head politely. After all, it wasn’t every day that he entered the home of an Earl. “Thank you for hosting us. I only wish we dressed more appropriately for the occasion.” 

“I see nothing wrong with the way you are clothed, gentlemen.” 

The house’s steward made an appearance then, bowing deeply as he saluted his guests. 

Grover turned to him. “Isaki, have you prepared the parlor as I requested?” 

“Yes, my lord,” the young man—a boy, really—replied. “I’ve also brewed some tea.” 

Hyunjin knew he wouldn’t like Grover when he failed to thank his steward, letting young Isaki walk away after announcing tea. His gaze crossed Christopher’s and he saw the same displeasure as his own in it. The two of them seemed to have the same taste when it came to people.

Jungkook and Lord Grover caught up while he was giving them a tour of the house. This was only his secondary residence, which he kept for business and political purposes. He had a large estate in the countryside, somewhere a little down south. 

“Isn’t this the region where your lady wife is from, Hwang?” Jungkook asked as they walked into the empty dining room. And Hyunjin knew, from the shape of his mouth, that he almost called him brother again.

He tsked, letting his reaction pass as something other than annoyance. “Yes, yes it very much is,” he managed, observing the many paintings adorning the walls. Two of them were by famous masters and he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t impressed. 

“Ah, yes, indeed!” Lord Grover grinned. “As she might have told you, Lord Hyunjin, she and I have met on one occasion and attended the same events a few times. Naturally, her chaperone wouldn’t let her anywhere near me at that point,” he added. 

Hyunjin felt that new information fall into his stomach like a rock into a lake. He stayed still, his eyes still fixated on the stunning nighttime scenery painted by James Wright he stood by. The moon, and the light radiating from it, were absolutely stunning. 

“I wouldn’t think she told you of the time we met,” Grover went on. “But I wish to congratulate you on your wedding, no matter how late. Have you been enjoying married life? Or is married life the reason you’re visiting the city? There are many reputable… tourist spots.” 

Hyunjin clenched his jaw, focusing on the details of the painting. Each leaf was painted in detail, it seemed, giving the impression they were swaying in a soft breeze. Was he crazy, or was this man taunting him?

“We’re here for business, Lord Grover,” Changbin responded in his place. “I must say, Lord and Lady Hwang form a strong pair.” 

“Seconded,” Christopher added.  “Lord Grover, is that what I think it is?” 

Christopher pretended to be fascinated by an antique chair in a corner, giving Hyunjin some respite. He was doing everything he could to stay calm, only, he could never be calm when it was about you. He didn’t like that you had met this guy before. When exactly? And in what circumstances? 

Why hadn’t you told him?

He forced himself to take a deep breath. Of course, you couldn’t possibly have listed every person you ever met. The reason Hyunjin never heard about him, most likely, was that the encounter wasn’t particularly significant. Right?

Before he could finish ruminating over this, the short tour of the dining room was over. “Teddy, they really wanted to see the katanas,” Jungkook said with a smirk.

“With all due respect, Lord Jungkook,” Christopher began, a playful smile on his face, “I believe you expressed quite a lot of excitement at the idea yourself.” 

“I swear to god these guys don’t give me a single break.” Jungkook sighed dramatically. It was at that moment that Isaki made a second appearance. 

“Tea is ready, my lords,” he said, dipping his head and keeping his eyes on the ground. “The parlor is this way.”

“We’ll dine in the parlor if you gentlemen don’t mind,” Lord Grover explained. “It’s a simple, casual meal, and I’d much rather we all make ourselves comfortable.” He paused, his big, dark eyes dancing from him, to Jungkook, and back to him. “Lords Jungkook and Hyunjin—my mother expressed the wish to meet you. She is aging and very ill, so she will not be joining us for supper.” 

No matter how upset he was, Hyunjin could only feel empathy for that fact. He knew that a son never really got over the loss of his mother—and Theodore had lost his father about ten years ago or so, becoming Earl when he was only twenty-one. He could relate to that, no matter how untrusting he was of the man.

“Of course,” Jungkook said at once. “Teddy, tell me—has her condition worsened?” 

Grover gave him a nod, a grave expression on his face. “The doctor says she doesn’t have much time left. At the risk of sounding heartless, I have to admit I’d rather it didn’t last for too long. There is no need for suffering when there is nothing to gain from it.” 

“I’m terribly sorry to hear this.” Hyunjin dipped his head politely. “Let’s go meet her so that she can rest for the night afterward.” 

“Isaki, can you please show Lord Christopher and Mister Changbin to the parlor? Don’t wait up, too—drink the tea while it’s hot.” 

The group parted in two halves and Hyunjin followed Theodore into a narrow corridor to the left. Jungkook walked with them, the three of them remaining quiet, out of respect. Hyunjin couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his chest, like a darkness looming, and he didn’t like it. He tried to blame it on Jungkook’s insane stories about those parties he attended with Grover, only that didn’t help much. 

They quickly reached their destination, which was a large bedroom in which Theodore’s mother lay on a single bed. The rest of the room was furnished with couches and armchairs, suggesting the woman was accustomed to welcoming guests into this room. It was dark at first, so Hyunjin helped Theodore when he lit up a few oil lamps. 

“Hello, Mother,” he told her as he brought one of the lamps to her bedside table. “Were you sleeping? Our guests are here.”

The woman was thin and her skin was pale with a waxy aspect to it. Her son helped her sit up in her bed while Hyunjin and Jungkook waited politely behind. She seemed rather unwell yet she gave Theodore a smile when he adjusted her pillows. The entire room smelled like illness and camphor. 

“Lady Grover.” As the eldest, Jungkook spoke first, going as far as getting on one knee.

Hyunjin mirrored him, out of respect for the woman who was visibly at the end of her life. “Good evening, Lady Grover.” Her hair was somewhere between gray and copper, but it was dull and frizzy, lacking care and health.

It took quite a while for her to say anything—by the time he and Jungkook were standing upright again, she was squinting, staring at both of them intensely as if she was trying to decode them. Theodore remained by her side but let her speak first.

Then, finally, her gaze came to a stop, lingering on Hyunjin. “By god, Teddy, he looks exactly like him.” She brought a weak, shaky hand over her shriveled, dry lips. “Come closer, young man. Please.” 

Hyunjin was aware of the way Jungkook was gawking at him from the side, only he was too preoccupied to try and translate his body language. It wasn’t the first time such a scene occurred and yet he despised it every single time. He would sometimes be at an event, having dinner with clients, and a complete stranger would come up to him to strike up a conversation, mentioning how they knew exactly who he was because he looked so much like his father. 

But he knew better than to disrespect a lady like her, so he crossed the room, coming to stand next to Lord Grover. He couldn’t find a single thing to say. 

“Oh, heavens!” Lady Grover’s eyes filled up with tears and unrest took control of him, the weight of this invisible, impending doom now tangible in the air. “Closer, young man, let me see you.” 

He didn’t initially react—too surprised by the situation, Hyunjin stood there, quiet, the gears of his mind going faster with each passing second. At that moment, he remembered that fateful visit to Jeon Manor a few months ago and coming face to face with Lady Myeong in a hallway, moments before dinner. The look on her face had been quite unforgettable, like she had just seen a ghost. You have your father’s eyes, Lord Hwang, she had told him. And his allure, too. 

Hyunjin twisted his neck, searching for Jungkook’s eyes, trying to see if he was thinking the same thing he was. And by the looks of it—he was, indeed, sharing his fear. 

Before he knew it, Lady Grover grabbed his hands, squeezing them in hers. Nothing about the gesture was inherently wrong—she held him lovingly, even, and he didn’t mind the cold of her skin or the fact that he could feel her bones through her flesh. It was the look on her face that frightened him. 

“Oh, truly…” He lowered himself closer to the woman, unsure of what to do. Big tears were rolling down her bony cheeks. “You might just be even more handsome than he was, but it’s undeniable,” she told Hyunjin. “I have missed your father every day since the last time he and I were together.” 

He heard footsteps behind him—Jungkook had come closer yet remained at the back respectfully. 

“They all said such atrocious things about him,” Lady Grover went on, her shoulders shaking with her cries. “But they didn’t know him like I did.”

“My father made bad decisions,” Hyunjin conceded. That had been a response that Christopher taught him when both of them were still young Back then, Hyunjin was under his tutelage after his father’s death. 

She shook her head. “No, child. They did not understand him. How could they understand him when he never let them see his true colors? The colors of his spirit?” 

She looked somewhere behind him. “You too, Lord Jeon. You have the eyes and the cheekbones.” 

She was jumping from one topic to another and yet making her point very, very clear, without having the need to speak it out loud. It was obvious that this woman had known his father intimately. Very much so. How many women like her were there? 

“Nobody knew him better than I did,” she let go of Hyunjin’s hands, gesturing weakly at the empty space by her bed. “They took him away from me. Away. I didn’t have a choice.” 

Her cries intensified, causing a violent episode of coughing—Hyunjin retreated while Theodore attempted to help his mother drink some water. A couple of nurses rushed into the room, asking them to leave. Stunned, Hyunjin’s feet managed to get him out of the room but he stopped when he found himself in the hallway with Jungkook and Theodore. 

“What’s the meaning of this, Teddy?” Jungkook inquired. He looked upset and he wasn’t easily moved, which said a lot about the gravity of the situation. 

“I heard so much of this Lord Hwang after my… father passed,” Grover said with a shrug. “It only made sense to me that my mother met his son while she still can.” The intonation with which he said the word son didn’t please Hyunjin. “Thank you for indulging her. Shall we join the others for dinner?” 

Hyunjin walked slowly, staying behind, deep in his thoughts. The implications of his short encounter with Lady Grover were quite evident. She had clearly known him intimately—in a way nobody else, not his mother, not himself, had. The new piece of information left him speechless, although Hyunjin knew he ought not to be surprised by it. How many mistresses did he have? Did they all believe he loved them? That he wasn’t using them? 

How many illegitimate children had he fathered? 

He could not stop staring at Theodore now, not even after they reached the parlor and sat down on plush armchairs around a coffee table covered with food. It wasn’t just in the way he looked. It was in the way he held himself too, and the shape of his mouth when he smiled. It was unequivocal though, and he could not unsee it. The deep shade of brown of his eyes and his honeyed skin. 

Hyunjin spoke very little and ate even less, letting the others fill the conversation and only talking when directly spoken to. He was trying to put his thoughts in order. He was trying to convince himself he had nothing to fear from Theodore Grover—that should they have the same father, there would be no consequences to it.

The plates of food got emptied and maids came to clean up the table while Isaki was serving scotch, but Hyunjin was still trying to imagine all of the ways he could harm him, should the earl decide to. It would make no sense to even tryanything. Hyunjin’s estate prospered well, sure, but if Grover somehow came after him, claiming to be a Hwang, he would lose everything. His title, his land. Hell, his reputation too. 

As the other men drank, Hyunjin sat there, wondering what would compel Grover to claim anything he owned as his. 

The response came to him when Theodore invited them to follow him to his roofed terrace. He liked to smoke a cigar after dinner, apparently. “And Jungkook knows I get the best imported cigars,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, because you control the docks.” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“If that’s alright with you, Lord Grover,” Chris began, “I’ll stay behind. I have no wish to smoke any cigars, and I do enjoy looking at your stunning collection here.” 

Grover nodded. “Of course. Then perhaps I should ask the entertainment to come in now instead of later?” He turned to his steward who was standing quietly in a corner of the room. “Isaki, get them.” 

The women entered the room as Theodore was grabbing his smoking paraphernalia from a drawer. Five of them—no, six. Young and obedient, they listened to the earl’s command when he asked them to stand in a row before them. 

Hyunjin averted his gaze, fighting a strong spell of nausea. He had to get out of here. He had to get the fuck away from this man. 

“Choose whichever you like, gentlemen,” Grover said with a smirk. “They’re all quite skilled—I tested them, so I’d know.” 

A very heavy and uncomfortable silence grew in the room. It felt like Hyunjin had something stuck in his throat preventing him from breathing as much air as he needed. He hated this. It wasn’t even the first time such a thing happened, but it was the first time since, well, you. 

His unease did not stem from a desire to spend time with any of the prostitutes. What he feared was that you would hear something that you wouldn’t like and that you wouldn’t believe him if he told you nothing had taken place. He couldn’t bear to lose you. 

He couldn’t bear to hurt you. Not any more than he already had.

“I’m leaving.” Hyunjin stood, the words escaping him before he could really think about it. “Thank you for your hospitality, Lord Grover, but I will return to the hotel.” He was quite certain that both Christopher and Changbin would follow him.

He was right—they stood, too. But before they could speak, Grover turned to them, making his way towards the girls, all of which wore excessively revealing clothes.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing, Lord Hwang,” he uttered slowly. “I heard of your… unique tastes. I requested Mindy here especially for you. Right, sweetheart?” Pushing open the loose robe she was wearing, he revealed her belly, small but round—she was visibly with child.

“Lord Grover!” Christopher started, but Hyunjin raised his hand to quiet him.

With a calmness he didn’t know in himself, Hyunjin reached into the pocket of his blazer to find his gold. Ignoring Grover, he crossed the room, giving each woman a substantial amount of money. “Thank you, ladies,” he said politely. “I believe this pays for your evening and more. You may leave.”

They all looked at each other, visibly frightened, but Hyunjin did not look away from Grover’s eyes, who was staring back with a defiant expression on his face. It took quite a while before he told them, “You heard the man. Leave. I’ll simply let your madam know that she ought to send me something better next time I host these guests.” 

“There won’t be a next time,” Hyunjin retorted as the women quickly scuttled out of the room. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Lord Grover. I shall pray for your mother.” 

Without waiting for a response, Hyunjin turned his heels and walked away. To his surprise, Jungkook was also going after him as well as Christopher and Changbin. 

“You haven’t even asked me how I met her,” Lord Grover exclaimed with a joyless laugh. “Your wife. I wish you had at least asked me, I was dying to tell you.” 

Hyunjin stopped right in his tracks, very well aware that he ought to be better than this. That he ought to display more class than this bastard. 

“Let’s go,” Changbin muttered through gritted teeth, but Hyunjin did not budge. 

He faced Grover once again. “You met her. What about it?” he asked him. “My wife is quite remarkable, I’ll agree—I understand how she would have made a strong impression on you. My lord.”

“Oh, she is remarkable. And grew into a radiant, exquisite young woman, no doubt.” Grover chuckled, but Hyunjin’s anger was slowly rising within him, reaching dangerous levels. “I went for a visit to her family’s villa, you see, with my parents. She was still a young girl, properly trained and yet feral. I knew she would never be fully tamed. I noticed her for it, of course. She showed up to the villa barely an hour before the feast would be served, her hands dirty, her hair sticky and messy with honey.” 

He leaned against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest, acting out a little too dramatically in his pondering man pose.

“In any case. First thing I hear after dinner is how her mother wishes to break off her betrothal to a certain Lord Hwang. Her mother comes to my mother, and I just so happen to be in the next room over, from which Mother calls me and asks if I would be inclined to offer this young lady a proper home, should I take her as my wife. What was I to say? I liked her, as undomesticated as she might have been. Too bad her father—” 

Hyunjin didn’t hear the rest of his story. He had thrown himself at Grover before he could utter even one more word. His fist closed around the velvet of his collar. His other fist slammed into that classless bastard’s face. There were shouts behind him, even hands trying to grab at him, but Hyunjin did not let go of Grover, not even as he retaliated and punched him back a few times. 

He did not register the impacts as pain. He did not register them at all, and yet Grover got him square on the lips, almost breaking some teeth in the process, and got his nose, too. How could he. How dare he keep a memory of you at all? You were not his to remember. He was nothing to you. 

Hyunjin pinned him against the wall, hard enough that the back of Grover’s head hit it, dizzying him momentarily. He had a few weak attempts at punches but Hyunjin dodged them all. Had he ever truly wished to be engaged to you? Had he used those hands to give himself pleasure with the thought of you on his mind? 

“If you touch my wife—” Hyunjin groaned when the taste of blood invaded his mouth. He spit on the ground at Grover’s feet, holding him at the wall with his forearm against his throat. “If you touch even one strand of her hair, if you dare put your foul eyes on her even just once. You’ll regret it. You’ll fucking regret it—” 

Hyunjin’s threats were cut short when Christopher successfully pulled him away from Grover. 

“Take him outside,” Changbin told Chris as though he wasn’t even there. “Don’t let him come back here.” 

His soul didn’t feel like it was quite tethered to his body. He had very little control over the slander and threats he shouted on his way outside, held firmly by Christopher. Not even the cold night air calmed him down, not his friend’s pleas, and certainly not reason. 

The only thing he remembered was you and the secret promise he had made.

He meant it. He would die before he let anything get in between you two again. 

... to be continued.

Author’s note: Where do I even begin? I looked at the date of the last release of this story and just… What can I say. To those who are here today, reading this—thank you. Thank you for being so patient and for understanding the stupid ways my inspiration works. Thank you for urging me to prioritize my health. I realize now that it’s a lot because I do feel safe taking my time, resting, etc that I’m able to write happily. This chapter was challenging and a lot of it was by pure fear to disappoint my faithful readers. I hope it was at least a little satisfying. I’m very glad to be releasing this today. 

Thank you to those who reblog, who send messages, who interact meaningfully. It is thanks to you that I’m still on here and that my stories aren’t confined to my computer. Please know that your kindness goes a long way for me and to other authors as well. It’s appreciated and it motivates me every day. Lots of love 🤍

permanent taglist

@abiaswreck ; @aimeexx ; @anylady-fics ; @cb97percent ;

@hwan-g ; @hynjinnnnlvr ; @hyunnie4ever ; @hyvneluv ;

@imseungminsgf ; @karlachsleftbicep ; @leedunno ; @m00n-dream ;

@mmoonriseflowerr ; @palindrome969 ; @rubyshoedpixie ; @shywolfcherryblossom ;

@skzfelixlove ; @suhomylife ; @ven-fic-recs ; 

[tsukirecs]

Forever | ksj

☆summary: three years ago, your relationship with jin ended in fights and tears. When life puts him back on your path, you catch a glimpse of light in his eyes that you thought had died when you broke up. Will your relationship blossom into a well-deserved forever or will you lose the love of your life again?

☆pairing: Kim Seokjin x female reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: ex-fiancés to lovers, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff

☆warnings: alcohol consumption, oc and jin fight a lot and don’t talk enough, oc is a little mean to jin and jin is a patient angel, cursing, inaccurate cooking terms, oc gets wounded on a nail, a bunch of nostalgia and regrets. explicit content: choking kink, grinding, a little bit of tits play, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), a little bit of dirty talking, dom!jin, big dick!jin, protected sex

☆word count: 25.2k words

☆a/n: here is the jin fic! I hope you will love itttt, it was really fun to write even though it’s sad. I love nostalgia and I hope I was able to write it well. Thank you to my beautiful beta reader @moonleeai for helping with this story once again. You are the best and I am so blessed to have you <3

☆a/n pt2: enjoy reading babies!!

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[tsukirecs]

A Duel of Hearts || Kim Seungmin (Stray Kids)

Pairing: Reader(fem.) X Seungmin Word Count: 5k+ Warnings: Suggestive, strong language(ig), mention of suicide (not the main characters). Genre: Royal AU, Friends to Lovers, Dark Academia, Angst mixed with fluff. Description: Caught in a dilemma of affection, Kim Seungmin, a prince, finds himself drawn to you. There was but one obstacle to his pursuit —you've set a single condition for all potential suitors: no royal lineage. A/N: Hello everyone! Here's another installation of the SKZ Royal AU. Idk why but Seungmin has this Dark Academia kind of vibe so I tried to incorporate that here. Hope you guys like it! More to come<3 Do check out the other fics in the skz royal series. (The stories are not interrelated) Here's the link.

You like to believe that your new dorm room is starting to grow on you.

It wasn't anything like your room back in your parents' house of course; but over the past twelve months, you'd renovated your dorm room enough to feel at home.

You'd replaced the light blue curtains with grey ones, swapped the single candle stand with a lantern to help you study better at night, put on a white table cloth and the list goes on.

A knock on your door pulls your attention.

It must be Wendy, you think to yourself, walking toward the door.

Correction: your only friend Wendy.

"Gosh, I really hate this academy, y/n." She walks in complaining, "I cannot believe they gave me a B in geography. I love geography. I cannot believe they'd ruin my overall grade like that."

"What happened?" You ask, closing the door behind her.

"I don't know! I will deal with this later, anyway," she says, fishing out a note from the pocket of her blazer. "I'm here to discuss a more pressing matter."

"What's that?"

"Of course, it's one of your lovers, y/n. I have two more lover letters in my backpack. Do you need them?"

You half chuckle and half sigh, taking the note from her and tearing it into bits.

"Ouch." Wendy says, staring at you, "Tell me y/n, it's been over a year since you joined the academy. All the boys here would die to even see you across the hallway yet you've kept the door to your heart locked. Why?"

"I am not not open to having a relationship. I just dislike how most of these men who pursue me are of royal blood. And if there's anything I despise most is royalty. That letter you gave me right now? It was from the Duke's son. It's his third letter in a row. That boy just doesn't know when to stop." You press your hand to your forehead, stressed.

Wendy nods her head, "Yeah, he is an annoying brat, I'll give you that, but y/n, I really don't understand your dislike towards royalty? Any girl out there would love to be pursued by royal suitors, including myself."

You smile in response, "It's a secret."

As always, Wendy just chuckles and doesn't push you to answer further because really, you don't know what you'll do if you ever have to explain yourself. It's a secret you rarely even discuss with yourself.

"Come on, we'll be late for our afternoon class." You say and walk towards the door, already tired of the day ahead of you.

*

“But Professor, do you not think that the first king of Taru was a horrible person morally? I mean, he did kill all of his wives when they failed to birth a son.”

If there is anyone in this academy who you think hates you to the core is your History Professor. The amount of times you’d ask him a question and he’d reply very vaguely, never answering to the point was insane. So naturally, you had developed a habit of asking him odd questions just to spite him.

Your Professor looks at you, almost angrily, and answers, “We are no one to judge a historical figure. Miss y/n.”

“But sir, you are portraying him as a role model to the class. Don’t you think that’s wrong? As you said, we are no one to judge him.”

Your professor hisses through gritted teeth and turns towards the board, not bothering to answer you. A subtle smile finds your lips.

“So, class as I was saying. The first King of this country- Taru- built the longest bridge in -”

“Excuse me, sir?” A hand shoots up from among the students followed by a voice, “May I answer Miss y/n’s question please?”

Your professor rubs his temple and sighs, nodding, “Go ahead, Mister Seungmin.”

You turn your head up to look at the owner of the voice, and much to your surprise, it is Kim Seungmin. He’s one of the quieter kids in the class but you’ve worked on a few projects together so you know that there’s more depth to him than just being the quiet kid by the window seat.

“Y/n, I think we could still look up to the King as a leader. Yes, he was ruthless to his wives but we don’t need to look up to him as a husband. He was, on the other hand, a great leader who led his country to become one of the greatest in the world, second to none.”

“Well, does that answer your question?” The professor asks and you nod, bowing towards Seungmin. He bows back.

The professor teaches the class for an hour more, letting you guys dismiss after his daily warning of, “You'll be going to universities next year so do work hard this year,”

You gather all your things and walk out of the class, stomach growling, almost begging you to make your way to the dining area for lunch.

For lunch, the menu rarely changes except on holidays.

And in all honesty, you’re tired of having chicken stew with rice everyday since you stepped foot in this academy, but the other options are extremely limited so you join the line of hungry and tired students, complaining about how difficult this year has been.

Once you have your plate of rice and stew, you seat on one of the empty benches and begin to gobble up the rice like there’s no tomorrow.

“Um, y/n? Mind if I join you?”

“Seungmin?” you ask, almost surprised, “Have a seat, please.”

Seungmin mutters a small ‘thanks’ and claims the seat in front of you, placing his backpack on the sides.

“So what have you been up to?” he asks to break the ice. It seems like you’re more focused on the rice in front of you than him.

“Eating?” you chuckle, “What’s up with you? How’s your preparation for University?”

Seungmin, licks his bottom lip, deep in thought.

How was his preparation for university going, really? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even remember the last time he opened his books after school.

In fact, lately, his mind has been occupied with something entirely different-you.

You, who acts so indifferent to the rest of the people yet helped Seungmin when he was almost failing a chemistry project evaluation.

You, who says she has no friends yet packs extra food from home for Wendy.

You, who says she is having a hard time adjusting to the academy yet she’s his favorite person here.

How could you not be on his mind?

“Eh, it’s okay. I guess.” Seungmin scratches the back of his head. “How’s yours?”

“Not really well, to be honest . If only that duke’s son would stop sending me those stupid letters, my life would be a lot more peaceful.” you say and it’s true that those letter have been nothing short of a nuisance since you came back from the semester break. You respect his feelings, but you’re not obligated to like him back. Hell, you’ve never even spoken to the man. “He’s so persistent, it scares me, really.”

Seungmin could feel his anger building up. Of course he knows you have quite a few admirers. Even some of his friends are in that crowd. But Seungmin likes to think he always had the upper hand.

Yet he feels annoyed, offended at the thought that someone was pursuing you to the point of fear.

“He might be a duke’s son but he isn’t behaving like one.” Seungmin comments.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. All of these aristocrats and royals believe that the world is at their disposal. They could just command it and everything would go according to them. It’s ridiculous. I’m so glad you’re not from a royal line or else we wouldn’t have been having this conversation.” you say and Seungmin’s world stands still.

You think he’s not from a royal family?

You didn’t know who he really was?

He almost wants to tell you the truth, that he, in fact, is the descendant of the very king you were talking about in History today. But he chooses to remain silent. He’s enjoying your company way too much to ruin it in one day.

“Yeah, thank god for that.” Prince Seungmin replies.

*

The next few days pass by in the blink of an eye and the academic pressure gets worse.

"Wendy, could I borrow your lantern? Mine is broken, I think." You ask Wendy one afternoon.

The sun brightens up the inside of Wendy's room.

"Yeah, sure." She passes you her lantern, "I have a spare one. Going to the library?"

You nod.

There's no better place to study than the library. Especially on such a warm and cozy afternoon when everyone just wants to take a nap.

"I'll see you at dinner then?"

"Sure thing."

You walk the corridors, fiddling with your pockets, making sure you'd taken all your stationary. It would be a hassle to walk back to your room again.

As soon as you enter the library, the sounds of the world as if disappear. Not even the tapping of pens could be heard without focusing hard.

You find a suitable seat for yourself by the window and settle down there.

The library feels colder than your room and you're grateful for it. At least you wouldn't be sleepy now.

"Someone's working hard, I see." A teasing voice whispers from behind, "May I join you?"

Seungmin’s voice, much to your surprise, brings a smile to your face.

"Sure." You say, shy like a kid in kindergarten.

He claims the seat across you, setting his books and stationary on the table.

And for the next three hours, the only sound you hear from his side is that of his breathing. Even and steady.

He's busy reading a book and his eyes are focused on the pages, never once wavering anywhere else.

He's quite sincere, you realize.

The sun sets and the students light up their lanterns and immediately go back to studying. Seungmin glances at you for a second, his lips curving into a soft smile. You smile back, albeit shyly.

Hours pass by and you know it's almost time for dinner because your stomach is growling. Louder than ever.

"Y/n," Seungmin speaks to you, putting his book down, "Want to have some warm Noodles? There's a new stall in town which sells delicious noodles."

You contemplate for a second before agreeing with a smile.

"Noodles sound amazing right now."

The both of you pick up your lanterns and walk out the main gate into the streets of the town.

While the town is busy and bustling with activities during the day, at nightfall the town comes to a standstill. Something you've always liked.

"It's not in the market square, I presume." You say as Seungmin navigates through the lanes of the market.

"No," He replies, "But it is quite near to the market."

After a five minute walk from the market square, you finally see an old bamboo hut in the distance, dim and quiet.

But the moment Seungmin and you are seated on one of the wooden benches, you're as if in a trance. The aroma of herbs and spices and chicken broth is nothing like you'd ever felt before.

"Grandma, we'll have two bowls of noodles with a side of Kimchi, please." Seungmin says.

"Sure thing, son." The woman replies with a twinkle in her eyes.

"You're a regular here. " You say to Seungmin, looking around the interiors of the stall. "It's cozy and the noodles smell amazing already."

"Oh, y/n, wait till you taste them. It'll be like nothing you'd ever had before."

And true to his words, the moment you eat those noodles, flavors burst in your mouth.

It is a perfect blend of sweet and salty, but the black pepper adds the perfect spice to the combination of flavors.

"Seungmin, this is amazing!" You say, taking a second bite. "We have to come back here again!"

He can only chuckle at your reaction. If you'd say the word, he'd bring you to this place everyday. Without fail.

The two of you eat quietly, only sharing a glance of amazement once in a while.

"I'll pay, y/n." Seungmin offers once you guys are done eating, bellies full.

"No! Let me pay." You get up immediately and walk up to the old lady.

Seungmin can only shake his head at you.

"How much will that be, grandma?" You ask, taking out your purse.

"Oh, its on the house today. " the lady says, much to your surprise, "Master Seungmin brought his girlfriend out for a date at our place. I couldn't take money from you today."

Seungmin and you stare at each other, wide eyed and speechless and hearts racing.

"Grandma! She's not my girlfriend! We're classmates." Seungmin says, the tip of his ears bright red.

You nod, shyly, "There's nothing of that sort going on between us!"

Grandma smiles as she pours soup into a bowl, "Well, not yet maybe. I have an eye for things like that, you see."

When you exit the hut, Seungmin remains quite, his lips pursed in a line. It's truly endearing to see him flustered like that.

"Well, that was awkward." You say, trying to lighten up the mood.

Seungmin nods, rubbing the back of his head, "Sorry about that. I don't know why she'd say that."

"No, no, it's okay. She's an adorable woman." You say.

The rest of the walk passes by in silence.

For some reason, you always find yourself in these silent moments with Seungmin. But you like the silence. It's calming, not uncomfortable.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" He asks as the two of you reach the entrance of your dorm building.

You nod. You're about to turn around when he pulls you in for a gentle embrace.

Your heart stops. Your breathing stops. The earth stops.

Without even meaning to, you find yourself melting into the embrace.

The next second, Seungmin pulls back and walks towards his dorm, not even saying a word.

And you're standing there, mouth hanging open.

What are these nervous sensations Seungmin is making you feel?

*

"So why were you not at dinner yesterday?" Wendy asks the next morning, an eyebrow raised in suspicion, "Were you with a boy?"

You try to calm the heat spreading to your cheeks, "Kind of. But it wasn't anything like what you think. I swear. We were studying together and then he asked if I wanted to try a new food stall in town. That's all."

And then he hugged you Goodnight. And you haven't been able to forget the way his body felt against yours.

"And who exactly is 'we'?" Wendy asks again, the tone of suspiciousness still present in her words.

"Seungmin and I." You say.

Wendy stares at you, flabbergasted.

Seungmin and you?

You went out on a supposed platonic date with a Prince?

"Y/n, Seungmin is-" Wendy's words are cut off by the ringing of the hourly bell, indicating that your classes are about to begin.

"Wendy, I'll tell you all about it. Promise. See you later." You say and disappear into the crowd of hurrying students but Wendy doesn't move.

Wendy has a different plan in her mind. Something she considers more important than attending boring lectures.

*

"Kim Seungmin, can I see you for a second?" Wendy drags Seungmin by his arm the moment he steps out of his dorm building.

He stares at her, confused.

He didn't have a class yet; he was just stepping out to get some breakfast. Where was she dragging him early in the morning?

"What's wrong?" He asks.

Wendy and him have never even talked with each other before so why this sudden interest?

Wendy stands in front of him, eyes full of doubt. Her hands rest on her hips.

"Are you trying to mess with y/n?" She asks flatly.

Seungmin is taken aback, "What? No! Of course not!"

Why would she even think that? Seungmin almost feels angry.

"Then why are you hanging out with her late at night and why is she oblivious to you being of royal blood?"

Seungmin sighs, "Okay, Wendy, listen. I'm not trying to mess with her or anything. But its true I haven't told her about my family yet. And I will tell her. But I just want her to know me for me. Before she starts to dislike me just because I'm of royal blood. Do you think I'm wrong?"

Wendy thinks for a second before replying, "Well, you don't mean any harm. But...I think you should tell her about yourself. I mean if you're trying to get her to like you back, might as well be honest about your life."

Seungmin’s eyes are wide with shock. How did she even know about Seungmin’s crush on you? Did one of his friends spread the rumor? Did she try to spy on him?

"Hey, don't look so surprised, your majesty." sarcasm drips from her words, "Everyone here knows you like her. We have eyes, you know?"

Seungmin doesn't reply, embarrassed. Of course it is hot gossip when a prince falls in love, isn't it?

People have written sagas and books and poems about it. What is a little academy gossip compared to that?

*

You find out Seungmin hanging out with a female friend the a few days later during lunch, and you try to shake off an uncomfortable feeling.

"Seungmin, could I speak to you for a second?"

The girl looks at you, from head to toe and nods her head. "Hey, she's quite pretty, Seungmin."

Seungmin sighs, "Oh, shut up, Sojong. Don't you have a class?"

His ears are red again, like how they were back at the noodles shop.

"I'm going now anyways. Bye sweethearts!" The girl walks off with a smile, and you're left confused.

"Don't mind her. She's my cousin. An idiot cousin, if I may add."

It feels as if a weight is lifted off of your chest. Your lips automatically curve into a smile.

"I didn't know you had a cousin in the academy."

"Yeah, well. Now you do. So what's going on?" He replies.

"Um.. did Wendy say something to you a few days ago? About you going to the noodles stall with me?"

Seungmin chuckles, "Oh yeah. But it's alright. She's your friend. I get that she's quite protective of you."

You smile, "Thanks for understanding. But , umm...Seungmin, she also might have implied that you kind of want to go out with me."

Seungmin’s soul almost leaves his body. Wendy could not have shut up about it, could she? Now you probably think Seungmin is some kind of creep trying to get into your pants.

"Hey, it's okay. Wendy always exaggerates everything and she wants me to get a boyfriend desperately so I understand if you didn't say anything of that sort to her. She's not very good at conveying messages." You say.

"But I did." Seungmin says, mustering all his courage, "I did say that. To her. And it's totally okay if you don't feel the same way about me. I really do. "

You almost feel like laughing.

You haven't been able to get him out of your mind for the past few days. And he thinks you don't like him?

The both of you had been busy with different classes and tests and projects. The few glances and greetings you shared with him during lunch would become the highlight of your day. And he thinks you wouldn't want to go out with him?

Impossible.

"I do, though. I'm open to the idea of going out with you."

Seungmin was not prepared for that answer. He was sure he'd get rejected, but here you were, looking all shy and sweet while confessing to liking him back?

"Um..so how about tomorrow night? There's a nice restaurant with live music and all. I could book us a table there."

You try to supress the grin that is trying to claw its way onto your face.

"Sounds great. See you then."

"Yeah, see you." He replies, heart hammering hard against his chest.

*

The night finally comes and you find Seungmin standing just outside of your dorm building.

He wears a black long coat and pants, paired with a high collared white shirt and a rose in his hands.

Your legs feel weak the moment your eyes meet. And the gravity of the situation finally dawns on you.

By tonight, Kim Seungmin might become your boyfriend. He's handsome, intelligent and funny, yet he decides to go out on a date with you?

Why? How did the two of you even end up here?

On the other hand, Seungmin feels like he'd been hit by the cupid's arrow. The only thing he can think about as you make your way towards him is how beautiful that long, pink dress looks on you and how he couldn't wait to make you his.

"For the beautiful lady." He says, offering you the red rose.

Shyly, you take the rose.

"Shall we?" He asks, gently taking your hand. Your hand feels warm.

"Yes." You reply, intertwining your fingers with his.

Oh, how beautiful it feels.

To be able to walk hand in hand with the man you admired so much. It feels natural. Like this is how the two of you were always meant to be. Maybe if Wendy had never told you about how Seungmin felt about you, you'd have never made the effort to ask him if he ever saw you in a non-platonic way.

But you're glad everything that happened happened. You're not someone who liked to live with what-ifs.

The restaurant he'd booked just adds to the beauty of this evening. The ambience is nice and a musician plays a beautiful melody on the piano, matching to the aesthetic of the place.

"I had booked a table for two by the name of Kim Seungmin. "

The waiter takes you to your place, a large candle adorning the center of the table.

You take your seats and the waiter takes your order and leaves.

Seungmin gets a hold of your hand again, intertwining your fingers.

"I can't believe we're actually out on a date." He chuckles, tracing his thumb across the back of your palm.

"I can't either. It's surreal." You say, "But I love it. I love being here with you."

Seungmin nods, "I love being anywhere, as long as you're with me."

"Didn't know Kim Seungmin was such a flirt, huh." You laugh, your cheeks heating up.

"Oh, you're in for a long ride, baby girl." He says, pressing his lips softly against your fingers.

Goosebumps.

Indeed, you were in for a long ride.

*

That night, the two of you walk back to the academy campus in silence.

A silence that is so calming and so comforting, it feels almost like a soothing hug from Seungmin.

When you two reach the main entrance of your dorm, Seungmin pulls you in for a hug again.

And just like last time, you melt into his arms.

He smells like smoke and mint and comfort.

"I had a great time, y/n." He whispers, pulling away but keeping your faces close.

He put strands of your hair behind your ears, so soft and tender.

"I did, too." You reply, your hands gently settling on his cheeks.

"Can I kiss you, y/n, please?" Seungmin asks, almost pleads. Like kissing you is what would keep him alive from that day on, like kissing you would fill his lungs with oxygen, like kissing you is the drug that he just cannot quit.

And you can only nod before he crashes his lips onto yours.

And yet again, he's gentle and tender and you sigh into his mouth when he pulls you closer.

He tastes like the tiramisu you had back in the restaurant, sweet and like strawberries.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." He says when you pull back, breathing heavy. His eyes are shy with a sense of pride in them. He couldn't believe that the girl he'd been crushing on since last year was finally his. He couldn't believe his luck.

And neither could you.

"Yeah, see you!" You say and kiss his lips once again before jogging into the dorm building.

Seungmin goes to sleep that night dreaming of you and wakes up yearning for you in the morning.

And the cycle repeats every day, for the next 2 months.

The two of you had become inseparable, spending every possible moment with each other.

Whenever your schedules would not let you spend a lot of time together, the two of would make sure to have at least one meal together. That single meal would be the highlight of both of your days.

But the final exams loom over you like an ominous grey cloud.

"So, as you already know, our country neighbors multiple other countries, each with their own king and set of rules. I want you all to remember the names of all current kings and all new rules they had added to their country during their tenure. " the history teacher was going on and on, "Remember, you only have a month left for your finals. That final grade would determine the trajectory of your lives. Study well."

And he finishes off with that threat.

You were so busy jotting down notes during the class that you didn't notice Seungmin's absence from the day's class.

You'd been late this morning and didn't have time to even have breakfast before coming to class. Naturally, you'd assumed he'd been in the class.

"I don't see your boyfriend today, y/n." Wendy says after class, as if reading your mind.

"Yeah, I've been wondering the same thing." You say, absently, stuffing your books back in your bag.

Wendy tags along with her other friends for lunch and you excuse yourself, making your way towards Seungmin’s dorm building.

You'd been to his room multiple times now, yet everytime you're surprised by how neat it is. The books are neatly lined up on the shelf, the blankets are folded on the bed and his shoes are neatly stacked by the corner of his cupboard.

"Missed you at class today." You say to Seungmin, whose eyes widen with excitement when he sees you enter the room.

"Yeah, I spent nearly three hours solving a problem last night, I didn't wake up on time." He says, patting the space near him on the bed.

You sit beside him, "Can we study together at night? I need your help."

He agrees immediately, pecking your cheek.

"In fact, we could go to the library right now, what say?" He asks.

"Did you forget, Seungmin? We have a field trip today. In the second half. We're supposed to assemble at the playground after lunch."

Seungmin chuckles, "Yeah. A field trip to the old fort of Taru. Almost forgot about it."

Something he'd been dreading for weeks now.

When it was announced that the final year students would be going on a field trip, he was excited in the beginning.

But when he found out the location of the said trip, he was devastated. The old fort of Taru was his ancestral home. His grandfather and great-grand father and great-great grandfather fought multiple wars and ruled the country from that fort and when they passed away, Seungmin’s father had shifted his family to a new palace just outside the city, deciding to turn the old fort into a museum for tourists.

Seungmin didn't dislike the old fort. In fact, he loved visiting that place . Every year, he'd look forward to visiting the old fort to pay homage to his forefathers during special festivals that only the Royal family celebrated.

Yet, he was dreading today's trip. Because at the entrance of the new museum, stands a tall painting of him and his family, welcoming tourists to their ancestral home.

And if you see the painting, his façade is going to disappear and you'll know his identity and that would be the end of his beautiful daydream.

But when you pull him by his collar and kiss him with so much love, he cannot help but wish for this dream to last forever.

*

When the time finally comes to board the horse carriages that would take the students to the fort, Seungmin starts rethinking every single choice of his till date. He knew he was hurting you, he knew you would be devasted to find out who he really is. But he would die if had to lose you.

And his greatest fears come to life the moment he sets foot out of that damned carriage.

Wendy, with her hand on your shoulder, stands near the fort entrance. You'd reached the fort earlier since the girls were sent off earlier. And Seungmin wishes they hadn't been.

You look confused, sad, eyebrows furrowed in exasperation.

When Wendy sees Seungmin, her eyes widen. "She knows." She mouths at him.

Seungmin swallows the lump in his throat, "Y/n, I swear..I swear I didn't do it to deceive you. I really like you and hell, I even love you. Please. Hear me out."

You don't say a word and stare at him with a piercing gaze.

"Y/n, please. I don't know why you hate Royal families but I promise you, I'm not as bad as you think they are. You know me, y/n. I'm your Seungmin!" He insists, trying to hold your hand.

But you pull away.

"You lied to me. You're no better than them." You say, almost a whisper, "Forget about what happened between us. It's over now."

And with that, the love of Seungmin’s life walks out of his life, leaving him in shambles.

*

You'd not slept properly for a week now and even stopped attending any classes. You had buried yourself in your books, revising every single page of every single book for as many times as you could.

The only time you did step out of your room was during lunch and dinner and even then, you made sure to avoid him at all costs.

It had been dreadful, really. You thought it would be easier for you to move on and forget the past few months if you kept reminding yourself of Seungmin’s lies, but it only made you miss him more.

He lied, yes; but he also made you fall in love with him, which was worse. Falling in love and dreaming of a family with Seungmin was never on your cards, you were sure you'd always marry the person your parents would have chosen for you. But here you were. Heartbroken and infatuated; both by the same person.

And today is no different from other days, or so you thought.

At around half past midnight, you hear a knock on your door. Wendy had gone home for a week and would be back tomorrow, so you are genuinely curious as to who would knock on your door at such an ungodly hour.

When you open the door, you see those eyes again- the black orbs that you'd fallen so deeply for.

"Y/n, do you have a minute? Please?" Seungmin pleads when you freeze at the sight of him.

"No. I'm afraid not." You reply, your heart hammering against your chest. The tightness in your throat does not help.

"Please, y/n. I beg you, please."

Across the hallway, a few girls pop their heads out of their doors, wondering where the male voice is from.

Sensing no other option, you pull Seungmin inside your room reluctantly.

"Fine. Say what you have to and then leave." You mutter.

You're doing everything in your power to avoid any sort of eye contact with him because you know that is what your weakness is.

He sits at the edge of your bed, while you sit in your chair, across the room.

"Y/n, you don't have to take me back. But I want you to know that I never meant to deceive you. It is pure, genuine love that I feel for you. I know you hate me because I'm of royal blood but ignoring that part, you did like me, didn't you? Before you even knew about my family. I'm still that person. I may be a prince but that is not all I am."

Your throat gets tighter and your eyes mist over with tears.

"It doesn't matter. Our relationship started from a lie. And as a matter of fact, I cannot ignore that you're a prince. I had one condition for all suitors and I cannot withdraw it for anyone."

Seungmin swallows, his eyes bloodshot, "Can you at least tell me why you hate Royal blood so much? What did they ever do to you?"

You scoff, "You really wanna know, huh? Does it still matter now? Because I'm never going to get back together with you, Seungmin."

"I want to know."

And so you tell him.

"I hate royals so much because I am one of them. I am a princess. A forgotten one, but the blood of royalty still courses through my veins."

You were a little girl of around four when your now parents had adopted you, more or less. You didn't know who they were or why they were taking you away from your mother and father- the king and queen of Nabha- a country neighboring Taru. You only remember crying till your head hurt. You remember your birth mother crying, standing at the gates of the castle while her emerald crown fell at her feet.

When you turned twelve, your adoptive parents told you the truth of your adoption.

Your adoptive mother worked in the Royal Palace as a governess for royal children while your adoptive father worked as a royal architect. They'd both met in the palace and fell in love, eventually married. You were born to the queen and king a year later. Everything was going well.

But as all stories go, yours had a villain too. Your own birth father- the king. He was the worst kind of person. He was cruel, unjust, abusive and hated you because you were a girl. He had prayed to every God known to mankind for a son, only for him to receive a daughter in return. But he refused to crown you the heir. For the next few years, the king traveled to all neighboring countries , looking for some solution to his problem. And then he found it. An oracle that told him to disown his first born daughter, in order to be blessed with a son.

When the king arranged for your adoption, he didn't even bother consulting his wife. One morning, you were in her arms and the next, you were being taken away to Taru by your adoptive parents.

The Queen killed herself the next morning.

"And that was the day I promised two things to myself: First, I would never set foot back in that country. I made Taru, your country my home. Second, I would never marry a man of royal ancestry. Because I know, no matter what happens, I never want to be associated with royals ever again. Betrayal is all we'll receive at the end under the pretense of a greater good."

Seungmin is speechless at this point. He thought your dislike towards royal lineage was just a matter of preference but now, he understands you. Truly. He understands why you'd take his lies as a sign of betrayal.

"Y/n, I-"

"Save it. You have your answers and I have mine. Leave."

He walks out of the room without a word and the moment you lock the door behind him, he falls on his knees, crying. His heart aches for you. For everything you'd been through and for everything he put you through. He cries for you.

But little does he know, behind the closed door, you're on your knees too, sobbing into your hands. Every single fiber of your being begged you to stop him and you chose to ignore it.

You wonder if you'll ever be able to hate Seungmin like you wish you did.

*

Wendy is lecturing you again this morning, her face tense.

"Y/n, we're leaving this academy forever tomorrow. Can you please give yourself the closure you deserve? Just go and talk to Seungmin. You don't have to hate his guts forever. "

The final exam results are out today, which means that your parents would be coming to pick you up tomorrow evening. You'd be leaving this place and all the bitter-sweet memories associated with it forever. It hurts you a little.

But you had to be strong.

"I've got my closure, Wendy. I promise. Can we talk about something else now?"

Wendy sighs, "Y/n, if this is what you want, then I shall support you. But know that I genuinely will always believe that you and Seungmin were meant to be. Even if you get married and have ten kids with someone else!"

For the first time in months, you allow yourself to laugh at Wendy's stupid statements. She joins in too.

But her words stick with you throughout the day.

That night, after you're done packing most of your stuff, you crash on your bed, a thousand thoughts circling your head.

I genuinely will always believe that you and Seungmin were meant to be. Even if you get married and have kids with someone else!

Even the thought of marrying another man and having his kids nauseated you. Are you really ready to let go of Seungmin, forever?

You had spent a long time trying to forget Prince Kim Seungmin, his voice, his words, his touch, but had you really succeeded?

After today, you might never see him again. Are you ready to live with that regret forever?

The answer to all these questions is no. You are not someone to live wondering the what-ifs.

So you jump out of the bed, lantern in hand and run towards Seungmin’s dorm.

*

"Y/n, did you come here by mistake?" Is his first reaction when he opens his door, hair messy and eyes alert.

You shake your head, "No. I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

He let's you in.

"So, what's up?" He asks, rubbing the back of his neck. He looks nervous. Like the first time he had taken you out for dinner to grandma's noodle shop.

"I've been thinking. About you and about us. And I.. I'm scared. I will not lie. I do not trust royals, but for some reason, I trust you. I know that there’s a thousand things that could go wrong but I still want to be with you. If you'll have me again"

Seungmin is dumbfounded. Literally. How does one even respond to things like these?

"Seungmin, say something!" You insist.

He forces the words out of his mouth, "I'm g-glad you feel that way."

You scowl, hands on your hips.

"I bare my heart open to you and this is all you have to say? Really? Listen, if you've found someone else in these few weeks then I understand, I really do but please at least-"

He kisses you. He kisses you so beautifully, it pains you to even think that you were willing to give up this. And for what? A horrible father who coincidentally was also of royal blood?

His tongue nudges at your tongue playfully, while his hands are cupping your face, thumbs circling your skin in comfort.

You'd never felt so much peace.

When you pull away, he gently presses his forehead onto yours, "I wouldn't dare find someone else. I assure you, whatever prejudices Nabha had, they do not exist here in Taru. I'm not like your birth father and I will never be. I promise. I will do everything in my power to convince you about it."

And for some reason, as usual, you believe him.

You kiss him again, knowing that if you could go back in time, you would not change a thing. You would let Seungmin easily win the duel of your hearts a thousand times over.

[tsukirecs]

The prophecy- I.

ꕥ summary: when an angel becomes enthralled by the prospect of emotions, he falls into your world hoping you’d teach him how to be human. little does he know, there's no safety net awaiting him below.

ꕥ pairing: fallen angel!yongbok x fem human!reader.

ꕥ genre: slow burn. heavy themes relating to the complexity of emotions (insecurities, grief, nostalgia, love and sacrifice). angst. comfort. hope and healing. the members are included in the fic as well.

ꕥ warnings: plot installment. mention of alcohol and drinking, description of scars, self-loathing thoughts.

ꕥ word count: 17.8k.

Next. Series Masterlist.

authors note: this fic is my absolute baby. it is heavily inspired by Black Friday by Tom Odell, or rather my interpretation of its lyrics. angel felix is so so special to me, i got the opportunity to be very vulnerable while writing, so i hope you enjoy reading this first part as much as i enjoyed writing it. feedback is highly appreciated <3 this is for @forlix my angel who birthed this fic with me, and for @catboyanon for being my icon 💞 i love you guys 🫶🏻 thank you for reading!!!!!!

the series taglist is open! comment or send me an ask if you wish to be added— @linosssss @agi-ppangx @hwangism143 @httpdwaekki @booksndpoetry @courtnort455 @tonystenk @felixsbakingbud @oyinii @seungzsmin @kayleefriedchicken @freyjhasdesiredreality @babrieeee @nyasstars @lovefool-lix @velvetmoonlght @hash2013 @caticorn61 @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @minhosbitterriver @dorisnumber1fan @goldenmellow @juskz @chanshyunjin @aslou @hhwangsmoon @shinygubbins @msaddictions @abcdefgiwannasendmycodetou @realrintaro @theuntoldlullaby

Act 1. Everything comes with a price.

“So for once in my life, let me get what I want, Lord knows it would be the first time”- Please, please, please, let me get what I want, The Smiths.

Yongbok's existence has been a steady current of nothingness. 

He has known no low, yet simultaneously, no high. Has never stood at the edge of the world nor cradled it within his palm. He is a straight line, knowing no bumps on its road, crafted to stretch forward, and then some more, indefinitely. 

That is until you were assigned to him— his human to keep safe, to protect.

That is when Yongbok then realized that, all along, he had felt nothing— that there was a void overtaking his being, an absence of something, rather than what he had always known to be the norm. 

Yongbok knew the rules, he knew what his existence entailed— that it was one entwined with yours, that once you’d both turn eighteen he’d sense it when you were in danger, each time you were in physical pain. So, he’d protect you, hover above you like a halo, keep you out of harm's way.

He also knew that it would happen unexpectedly. His one friend Seungmin described it as a minor nuisance, a thorn that needs to be plucked out, a bad weed that has overgrown. “You'll help your human and it’ll be back to normal.” 

Yet, for Yongbok it wasn't merely a lone thorn, nor a solitary weed, but rather, a myriad of nuisances falling upon him at once— akin to a deluge of rain pouring as soon as the sky’s gates part. A throbbing so intense it made him falter in his strides, made his golden wings envelop him, as if to cage this unfamiliar feeling, to stop it from seeping from his body and soiling the azure skies. 

It was the first time you had called out to him, it was the first time he would see you in. He imagined you’d be in agonizing pain, skirting the edges of death on a final dance with the devils. But, you were on your bed, curled around yourself the way his wings enfolded his body. Sobs rippled from you, an undulating cascade of waves that almost drowned you in sorrow. 

You weren’t in danger. You weren’t in physical pain. So why was he here? 

Why had he felt it when you simply cried? 

Yongbok hovered near your door, unsure of what to do. This wasn’t in the rules he had learned— guardian angels do not deal with emotions, they do not feel the woes of the heart. “Humans are always hurt. Their heart bruises more than their body would ever endure. It is something we cannot control, nor can we help them with it”— those were the words of Christopher, the sovereign of all guardian angels, ones tattooed in the back of Yongbok’s mind.

“They do not affect us,” he had asserted, his voice maintaining its customary tranquility.

So why was Yongbok feeling the bruising of your heart?

He pondered for a fleeting moment before making a soft breeze ripple through your hair. You looked up from your bed, eyes cast outside the window, as a sunbeam delicately landed on your face. To his surprise, that seemed to halt your tears.  

In that instant, the weight on Yongbok’s heart suddenly dissipated, like a morning fog chased away by the sun. 

“So, this isn’t normal?” he asked Seungmin upon his return, who blinked at him once, then twice. 

“No. It must be part of your anomaly.” 

His anomaly, what explains Seungmin being his only friend. But his loneliness did not bother him, the perk of never feeling.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Yongbok sighed, circling the rim of his glass with his pointer finger. “Should I tell… you know.”

“Keep it to yourself.” Seungmin’s voice was stern, biting, leaving no room for Yongbok to object. 

So he did not. 

He kept it to himself, for the past five years, a diligent secret he’s gotten better at hiding. You were surprisingly a good human to guard, you never burned yourself, crossed the road while looking at both sides, and did not frequent shady places at 4 a.m. 

But your heart weighed so much on your soul.

You cried an average of one hundred and sixty-five times per year, sixty of which being heart-wrenching sobs that almost paralyzed him, made the feathers of his wings wither down and scatter on the ground like sakura petals. 

“Is it normal for her to cry this much?” he had asked Seungmin who had simply shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I don’t befriend humans.” he sighed before adding. “Why does she cry?”

“Other people hurt her.” 

“Then she’s stupid for repeating the same process.”

“Isn’t it fascinating, though? She knows the outcome might be the same, and yet–”

“Do you wish to befriend her?” Seungmin had cut him off, eyes narrowing down slightly. There was a hint of warning in his tone, a danger ringing somewhere near. You know where this path will lead you. 

“No,” he replied quickly. He never brought you up again after that. 

But his fascination with you did not die. Though, it wasn’t you, per se, that intrigued him. More so what you were feeling, every emotion that ran freely through your being. It was as if he perched on the precipice of your soul, drinking the droplets of emotions that escaped your being. Feeling through you, an extension of your very existence.

It wasn’t only the throbbing when you hurt, it was also a satisfaction when he made you smile again. Through a sunbeam falling perfectly atop you, a rainbow appearing above your head, a star shining more brightly as your eyes found it. Each time your heart bled dry and you begged for a sign, he was there, conjuring up one of you, smiling as you smiled, inching closer to you as the months went by. 

What if the sign was him? What if he showed you he was there all along? 

Would you smile at him too? 

These were dangerous questions swirling in his head, translating into even more harmful actions. Like getting closer to trespassing the line between your world and his, drawn by that fascination, that thirst to know more, to feel more. 

To talk to you. 

But it was all but wishful thinking, it is all thoughts he buried within himself, his body becoming the graveyard of his life— through which he breathes and through which he dies. 

Until tonight.

Yongbok felt that same familiar throbbing overtaking his being, only this one was much more intense, so much so he couldn’t hide the discomfort on his face, twisted in agony at the pain overriding you. He expected to find the telltales of your sadness draped on your being— teary eyes and shaky hands, pouting lips and the scrunch of your eyebrows that he’s come to memorize. 

But to his surprise, he finds you perched upon an abandoned rooftop overlooking Han River, the moon casting its shimmering reflection above its surface. You weren’t frowning, nor blinking rapidly to dispel your tears. Instead, you sat there, gazing at the river below, legs dangling over the edge, your face as placid as the water before you. However, the burden on your heart was unmistakable, a weight he recognized because he, too, bore it. 

He stops for a second, making a gentle rain graze your skin, light enough to feel like an embrace rather than a nuisance. He knew you loved these light showers as you always chased them, tilting your head to the sky as if thanking it for allowing the rain to visit, even for a fleeting moment. 

But this time, you remain unmoving, eyes still fixated on the water, as if you wished it would rise from its place and carry you with it underneath.

You look like an angel, for you feel nothing, numbness seizing your being and trapping it into its hold, just as it does for him. 

“Sometimes the human’s enemy is itself. They inflict harm upon their souls the most, sometimes even death.” He remembers the somber sayings of Christopher and then the question Jeongin asked, echoing the concerns that gripped everyone’s thoughts.

“Can we still save them from themselves?” 

“Not always. We can be too late.” 

You inch closer to the edge of the building, and Yongbok wonders if you had felt too much there was no other emotion your heart could pump out for you anymore, no life for it to breathe in you. 

Can humanity disintegrate once it pains you too much? Can you turn it off in a desperate bid for survival? Would it still be a life if you do not feel in it? 

“I’m not going to jump if that’s what you’re worried about.” Your cold voice startles him, and he looks around quizzically, wondering who you are talking to. But it is only the both of you atop the roof, and his wings are gone, the golden light that usually contours his being subdued. 

The realization dawns upon him – you can see him, and you are speaking to him. Yongbok feels the stirrings of his heart, a singular beat that resounds in his chest for the very first time.

“I’m not worried,” he replies, after painstakingly long seconds. His voice sounds different, deeper as it floods his ears. I can’t worry, he decides against adding. “Besides,” he clears his throat, walking over to you, his hands resting on the railing. “You can’t die from here. You’ll just break your bones. Get paralyzed, at most.” 

“What are you? A death connoisseur?” you snort, a small life seeping through your voice again as you finally look at him. 

“Something of the sort.”

“This makes you sound like a serial killer,” you sigh, a heavy breath pulled from the depths of his heart. “But you don’t look like one.”

“I don’t?” he questions. 

“No. You look kind.” 

Kind. Yongbok has been draped in a myriad of adjectives since his creation, ones that hang above him like a somber cloud, imprinted on his skin with ink visible to everyone but himself. ‘Abomination’ was the one that came back the most. But you described him as kind. 

What do you see in me? He wants to ask. Tell me so I can look for it when I see myself.

He’s acutely aware that he’s breaking the rules, his wings itching to fledge out and carry him away. But he forcefully keeps them at bay. Not now. Just a little more.

“Are you looking for hope too?” you ask, your voice much quieter than when you last spoke. Yongbok now sees it— the numbness wearing off and leaving place to an agonizing sadness, its essence is poured in your eyes alone, dull under the marvelous city lights. 

“Hope?” he echoes, the word tasting foreign in his mouth. 

“Mm,” you hum, drawing one knee to your chest while letting the other dangle, straddling an invisible line between your two worlds. “I come here and imagine as if the moon shines only for me.”

“That's not true.”

“I know,” you giggle quietly, your laugh swiftly morphing into a pout. “Most of the time it feels as if it’s shining for everyone but me.”

“I don’t think the moon cares enough to single you out.”

“That's somewhat comforting to hear.”

Running a hand through your hair, you speak again. “I don’t usually talk to strangers,” you confess, lifting the nearly empty soju bottle in your left hand. “I’m just a bit drunk, and really sad,” you whisper, as if entrusting him with a secret, an admission that the universe can be cruel in the fates it deals out. He knows that more than most.

“I don't mind,” he inches closer to you, his curious eyes casting over your gloomy figure. “So, you come here looking for hope?”

“It's a bit silly, right?” you smile sheepishly, and he shakes his head. 

“Silly, no. It’s just unrealistic to look for something that is not tangible.”

“Everything that is good in life cannot be grasped with our hands.”

He knows nothing of all these good things you speak of, so he remains silent.

“You know what’s funny? Each time I ask for a sign I find it.”

Each time you call out for him he is there. 

“Is that so?” 

You take a big gulp from your drink, setting it down as your tone grows melancholic with each word. “Yeah. I think I've seen more butterflies in the past five years than the average person does in a lifetime.”

“And that’s a good thing, right?” he asks tentatively, a tinge of uncertainty in his voice. What if, all along, in his attempts to pull you up he has only been drowning you further? 

“It is. It makes me believe that things will turn out better, in the end,” you share, pausing briefly as if attempting to contain your words. It’s only a moment later that you continue, “I guess I'm just tired of believing things will get better instead of feeling better.”

He was a temporary patch-up, a band-aid made of silk threads destined to wear off with time. Guardian angels cannot help with the woes of the heart. For all their immortality, they fall short before the power of emotions, kneel in surrender at the altar of humanity. 

But on your darkest night— your black Friday where the sky resembles an abyss in which every star has fizzled out, he does not want to leave you without hope. 

“Maybe you just need better signs,” he whispers, as a hoard of butterflies swivels before your eyes, a kaleidoscope of colorful wings fluttering in the hopes of breathing life into you once again. 

“Butterflies don’t show up at night…” you marvel in hushed tones, your eyes darting everywhere to take in the magical scenery. 

“Did you do this?” you’re breathless as you turn to ask but no one’s near anymore. 

The heaviness in your heart has dissolved, not entirely, but enough for Yongbok to dismiss it as a fleeting nuisance, a stubborn weed, a lone thorn that he deftly plucked away.

…

Yongbok has not stopped thinking of your conversation, the steadiness in your voice as you spoke of hope, of good things that elude your gaze but infuse your existence with sweetness. He knew that he broke the rules by speaking to you, that there are but severe cases in which an angel is allowed to address their human. Sadness, no matter how profound, was not one of them. And yet, for all the years he spent abiding by the rules, he had not regretted talking to you, not once. 

He had memorized the cadence of your voice, the sheer glaze in your eyes as they held his, the way you drowned yourself in alcohol, nose scrunching at its bitter taste. Everything about you, he learned, committing it to his memory that was once a blank canvas, for he had never lived something worth remembering, for he had never strayed from the straight path, drawn out eons ago for him. 

Until you. 

It is the following Friday and Yongbok hovers near a bar, his eyes absorbing the sight of the drunk humans mingling in there. Some of them are laughing, clinking half-empty glasses as they cheer loudly, Others, too busy pressing their lips against one another to dare dream of forgetting this moment. And then some sitting alone, their gaze fixated on the liquid within their glass, as if it holds the key to all their unanswered prayers. Foolish behavior, but he is drawn to the mundanity of it, for some odd reason. 

He draws in a deep breath, before concealing his celestial wings and venturing into the dimly lit bar. He sits by a stool, curiously eyeing the array of alcohol on display. “What can I get you?” the bartender asks and he responds with a nonchalant shrug. “Strongest thing you have.” After all, inebriation is an experience beyond his grasp.

The abrupt sound of glass meeting the counter startles him, and he turns to his left. There, he discovers a young man, roughly his age, signaling the bartender for another pour. Ebony hair pulled into a small ponytail, a furrowed brow shaping his lips into a frown, the man’s gaze remains fixed on the scattered droplets of Whiskey across the counter. In the faint light, Yongbok spots a mole by his jaw, then another one underneath his eye. 

“Bad night?” Yongbok inquires, clearing his throat, a thrill coursing through him at the prospect of talking with another human.

“Kinda,” the stranger sighs, turning around to face him. “I’m Hyunjin,” he says, extending his hand with a lopsided smile.

He firmly shakes it, before introducing himself back, “Yongbok.” 

“Yongbok, mm… Feelbok,” Hyunjin slurs, “no, no, Hanbok,”— happiness— Hyunjin giggles at his own words punctuating them with a thumbs-up. “Nice name.”

“Thank you,” Yongbok mirrors his smile, although the gesture happens more naturally than he expected. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, as he watches Hyunjin down yet another glass.

“I should be,” he mumbles, before placing his chin atop his palm, gaze lost somewhere far in the depths of his mind.

Yongbok remains silent as Hyunjin blinks slowly, a sad smile imprinted into his mouth. “I opened my art gallery today. It was acclaimed by all the art critics who visited. They said it was moving, woven with emotions that are translated into every choice I made, from the colors to the blending to the lighting.”

Yongbok frowns, a sudden confusion settling over him as he detects the sorrow dripping from Hyunjin’s tone. He realizes that his expression mirrors the same loneliness he witnessed in you countless times before. Humans, it seems, resemble each other at their most vulnerable.

“But…” he continues, prompted by Yongbok’s silence or the strong alcohol, he doesn’t really know. “All these people came but not the one I painted for.”

Ah, Yongbok now understands what drives Hyunjin’s sadness— love. The irony of humans strikes him; for the one feeling they crave ends up hurting them the most.

“Every painting was about her and she wasn’t there to see it,” Hyunjin confesses as anguished tears suddenly well in his eyes. He cannot conjure hope for Hyunjin, for he is not his human to guard, so Yongbok mimics what he witnessed you do countless times to your friends. He places a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

“It will pass,” Yongbok reassures, not with a misplaced sense of optimism, but because it is an undeniable truth. Humans forget as much as they remember, grieve as much as they love, heal as much as they hurt. In their short life, everything they go through passes. It is how they survive the hurts of the heart.

“I don’t want it to. If the pain passes then I won’t have anything to remember her by,” Hyunjin smiles sadly, patting Yongbok’s hand above his own. 

“Don’t you regret loving her?” he asks, perplexed by the breathing contradiction before him. 

“I regret losing her, not loving her. Never loving her.” 

As he stood on the same rooftop you were on nights ago, Yongbok is left with Hyunjin’s sleek business card held between his fingers, and a dull longing in his heart, many, many hours later.

Can a straight line stray from its path? Can his void be replaced with love? 

At what cost can an angel taste humanity? 

“Our kind yongbok.” A calm voice speaks and the wings on Yongbok’s back twitch more intensely than they’ve ever done. The danger Seungmin spoke of was here.

At what cost could he not? 

“Christopher,” Yongbok bows in respect, eyes refusing to meet those of his senior. 

“You had no problem looking at all these humans, no?” Christopher muses and Yongbok takes one step back. Chris knows, he has always known and yet he allowed it. 

Why?

“Fascinating creatures, right? I still fail to understand them. But what I do know for certain is that they are weak,” he pauses, Yongbok’s breath hitches in his throat. “Just like you.” 

Yongbok’s nails dig forcefully into his palms, it does not soothe his nerves the way it does to you. 

“But see, the difference between you and them is that they were crafted to be weak. Then again… everything about you is abnormal, you agree?” Chris speaks assuredly, his tongue telling facts alone. Yongbok remains silent, anticipating his punishment for trespassing into the human realm, for breaking the sacred rule of interacting with them.

Tales of chained angels, of those stripped of their wings, their bloodied feathers plucked out one by one haunt his thoughts. This is the closest Yongbok has gotten to fear. 

In a blink, Chris materializes before him, his hand resting on Yongbok’s shoulder, reminiscent of the comforting gesture he extended to Hyunjin. However, this hold is not reassuring; it bears a weight that spells danger with every squeeze. 

“Do you want to feel what humans do? Go, Yongbok, I won’t punish you. Roam with them, talk to them, and feel.”

Yongbok’s wings scatter with the wind, feathers falling like a curtain of white upon their heads. He falls to his knees, hand brought up to his chest as he suddenly senses everything surrounding him— the bitter wind brushing against his skin and the rush of hot blood coursing within his veins, the loud ringing of cars that morph into hands choking him, and worse of all, the loss of his wings that his spine seems to be weeping for. 

“But remember, everything comes with a price,” Christopher’s polished shoes come into his view— Yongbok does not recognize the distorted reflection staring back. “Even weakness.” 

Act two. The heart weighs heavily on those who bear it.

“If brokenness is a form of art, I must be a poster child prodigy” - Neptune, Sleeping At Last.

Delicate snowflakes descend upon the earth, intricate crystals forming a pristine blanket that veils the ground, concealing its flaws to the naked eye. The snow doesn’t discriminate, it falls atop every building in Seoul, from towering skyscrapers adorned with luminous billboards to the humblest abodes, nestled in concealed alleys, all bathed in a bluish glow at the heights of the night. 

And in its fall, the snow does not leave Yongbok’s body behind, draping it in a cloak of icy tendrils, ones that seep through bones he did not know were capable of aching before. It mingles with his golden feathers, scattered all over the rooftop, tinged with his spilled blood. The crimson liquid oozes from his back to the ground, and in his first seconds as a human, Yongbok has already tainted the purity of the soil, he is already a nuisance, in this world too.

He is faintly aware of warm hands cradling his cheeks, attempting to infuse life into his pallid face. A kaleidoscope of blurry hues obscures his vision, and he is no longer sure how much time has passed since Christopher abandoned him on the unforgiven ground. It could have been mere minutes or lengthy hours— he is yet to be acquainted with how time passes on humans. 

He also cannot recall you coming into the rooftop, does not remember when you pulled his head onto your lap, nor began combing your fingers soothingly through his golden locks. You are worried, he can still feel the pulsing of your heartbeat ringing in his ears, or maybe it is his own, he still cannot distinguish what is yours and what is his. 

He’s in a haze, standing on the edge of a window, assaulted by biting winds that cut through him. He didn’t expect humanity to crash onto him this hard, for it to force oxygen onto his lungs only to set them ablaze. 

“You’re awake, you’re okay.” Your reassuring words break through the disorienting daze, your hand firmly clasping his, guiding him away from the window’s edge, ushering him back into safety. In the familiarity of your voice, the winds relent, morphing into gentle zephyrs that cool the burning storm within him. He can feel the softness of your hand, your thumb swirling around his palm as if drawing out a soothing spell with your touch. 

“H… hurts,” he stammers, the words escaping between breaths that struggle to find passage. He brings your palm atop his heart, where a myriad of stones seem to have found refuge, crushing his lungs and rendering them a cloud of useless dust, scattered away by the wind. 

“It’s okay. You’re having a panic attack. It’s okay,” your voice is calm, though it speaks of frightening things. Would what he felt pass now that you put a name to it? Was it supposed to reassure him to hear that panic, like an uninvited intruder, has seized his being and is attacking it relentlessly? A secret ambush, a Trojan horse infiltrating his body under the guise of humanity. 

“Help me,” his plea echoes weakly, an awkward sound that clashes with the very air particles, imprinting itself onto the oxygen you inhale. Is this what Christopher meant? Were his weaknesses only going to surge forth more now? 

Is the cost of humanity facing the ugliness within you? 

The questions swirl in his head like a relentless tornado, drowning out your voice until it becomes a distant murmur in the backburner of his mind. His body rebels against him, ears amplifying the cacophony of his breaths, shaky hands refusing to be still, lungs constricting to the point of near collapse. He’s back before the window, dangling over its edge with one silky thread, worn out from the countless humans who had clung to it in desperation before.

His hand slips. You seize it before he falls.

“Breathe with me, focus on my voice,” you come to him like a calming tide, pulling him into safe shores. You’re so close your nose almost brushes with his own, your hands enveloping his icy fingers to anchor him back to you. He tries to mimic your slow inhales, tuning out all his tumultuous thoughts to focus solely on you.

Under the starry sky and the unyielding snow, and through the panic that captures his being, his gaze seems to fixate on the most mundane of things— the soft moonlight filtering through the strands of your hair, casting a faint halo around your figure. As you draw in deep breaths, encouraging him to follow suit, the thought crosses his mind – perhaps, you are his guardian angel now.

Time passes in this shared rhythm until, finally, you release his face, falling beside him on the snow. His breaths find a more regular cadence, mirroring yours, yet an ache persists in his chest, as if unseen hands continue to press down on his heart, squeezing it dry of its blood.

You run a hand through your face tiredly, eyes looking up at the expanse before you. “Fuck, I thought you were dying.” 

An apology lingers at the tip of his tongue, vocal cords itching to free the three syllables into the chilly air. But Yongbok has never apologized before, he doesn’t know how the words might crystallize in the cold. He isn’t sure he could bear witnessing their form now. 

“What happened?” he ventures, his voice small and fragile, his face turning slightly toward you. You appear like a crescent moon, soft and gentle even with only half of your face visible to him. 

“I came to the rooftop and I found you on the ground, surrounded by bloodied feathers and shaking from the cold,” you begin to explain only to freeze as if a crucial detail has just resurfaced in your memory. He knows what you’ll ask about before you speak. 

“What are these feathers?” your inquiry hangs in the air, your gaze still directed ahead. He remains silent, unsure of how to explain the inexplicable.  

“Who are you?” you press, and his reply comes in a single word, uttered vulnerably, “Yongbok.”

Please leave it at that. 

Your voice is softer, more resigned when you speak again.  “What are you?” 

He does not need to voice the truth. He could chuckle and say that he’s human, what else do you expect him to be, and his voice might shake from the unrehearsed lie but you would believe him, and then he’ll make sure your paths would never cross again. 

But a small part of him feels as if he does owe the truth to you. Because you cared for his well-being when you did not need to, gave up some of your warmth to infuse his being with it, sacrificed minutes of your time to make sure he’ll have sand left in his hourglass. 

So, he sucks in a deep breath, gathering the courage to unravel the truth. 

“I’m an angel. Your guardian angel. Or maybe was. I still don’t really know, yet.”

An incredulous laugh escapes your lips, gusts of powdery air materializing before him. “An angel?”

“Yes.”

“This is insane,”  you shake your head, your face buried in the same palms that had cradled his cheeks tenderly moments ago— his sail amidst the winds. 

“Is that how you managed to make all those butterflies appear that night?” you question, and he nods, shutting his eyes and releasing a strained exhale.

“So you’ve been guarding me all this time?” 

“Since you turned eighteen.”

He freezes as he wonders what you’ll say next— maybe you’ll ask him to disappear from your life, not one to wish to mingle with angels and their kindred, maybe you’ll leave him be in the snow, lonely as he has always been.

What he doesn’t expect is for your eyes to find his, compassion swimming in your gleaming irises, your voice dripping with concern as you ask him. “What happened to you, Yongbok?” 

There was no way for you to feel what he did, and yet you spoke as if you could— as if you peered into his heart and discovered it butchered and bruised, found thorns entangled around his veins instead of vines. 

“I don’t know,” he chokes out a sob, as sudden tears stream down his cheeks, salty as they infiltrate his mouth, drowning him from within. The tears refuse to cease even after he wipes them, one after the other, a futile gesture akin to pouring water into sand, an attempt to nurture something not meant to grow.

“It’s okay,” you smile, your eyes shimmering like a million fireflies in the night. He shakes his head, as more tears escape him in the guise of words. In all of the times he has seen you cry, he never fathomed he would have sobs racking his body, too. That tears would cascade like an unyielding waterfall, an earthquake shaking the planes of his body, rattling his bones with an intensity beyond what he believed humans could endure.

“It’s okay,” you repeat, cradling his face against the warmth of your neck, his tears seeping through your clothing. He is weeping, though he does not know what for. For nothing yet everything. For the loss of his wings and the birth of his heart. For the harshness of the ground and the softness of your hold. For the Yongbok who perished and the one who came to life. 

…

A fallen angel comes in various forms, some are entirely disgraced while others retain fragments of their celestial countenance. Yongbok, though deprived of his wings, did not lose his powers. He realized this when he instinctively healed the wounds on his back, the torn skin scarring in fleeting seconds. A small mercy bestowed upon him by Christopher, or so it seemed.

He will understand the reasons behind this act much later.

But for now, in his first breaths of humanity, when the echoes of his sobs have at last withdrawn from his being, leaving behind a lingering weariness, he is dealing with less stellar facets of his existence— the more mundane technicalities of it. 

“So, not to rub salt on the wound but I assume you also don’t have a place to stay in,” you ponder, waiting until he regains enough composure to grasp your words, ensuring they wouldn't float beyond his reach.

“No, I didn’t exactly prepare for this,” he winces, his gaze briefly meeting the scattered feathers on the ground. But not for too long, looking at them invited a grand sense of loss into his being, a sentiment too weighty for his fragile state to harbor. 

“You can stay at mine, and tomorrow we can start looking for a house for you?” you suggest, stretching out your tired limbs.

“You don’t… You don’t need to help me.”

Yongbok does need your help, you are the only human he knows and he is unfamiliar with how your kind acquire housing. And yet he finds himself at the crossroads between what his heart wants and what his tongue speaks of— ready to vehemently refuse your proposal to not inconvenience you, as if he’s a towering mountain poised to shoulder burdens when in reality, his being has never been this frail.

“You guarded me for five years,” you smile softly, effortlessly dispelling away his concerns like meaningless specks of dust. “It’s the least I could do.”

Stepping into your home was as familiar as walking into his own. He, unwittingly, memorized each nook and cranny of your place, a consequence of all the times he had lingered near— hovering, more accurately, above. So much so that he instinctively slips off his shoes and places them in your rack, mirroring the countless times he observed you perform the same task.

“So you really are my guardian angel,” you shudder quietly and he hums in questioning, turning to look at you, “What was that?”

“Nothing,” you respond, perking up and adorning your lips with a swift smile. “Would you like something to eat?”

“I’m okay,” he whispers, attempting to shrink as much as possible in the confines of your place. He has never felt this much discomfort in his own body, as though the skin draped on his bones belonged to a stranger. 

“Well, I’m hungry so you’ll eat with me,” you say with a warm smile, putting your hair up in a quick bun before walking into the kitchen. You move seamlessly as if you are hosting a long-time friend rather than an angel you saved from possible hypothermia. 

“Buldak ramen?” you ask, hands resting on the counter.

“Sure,” he nods, settling atop the stool. 

He watches in silence as you bring the water to a boil, before pouring two servings of the instant noodles into it. You pause, thinking it over before adding two more. 

“How are you so nonchalant about this?” he blurts out, finally freeing the question that had been swirling and growing in his mind- an insatiable weed that needed to be plucked before it infested his brain completely.

“About having an angel in my house who was apparently cast away from the skies and has guarded me for the past five years without me knowing, and who somehow knows where my shoe closet is without me needing to share?” you ramble in one breath, the tightness in your chest palpable. “Yeah, I’m totally cool about that.”

“You’re totally not cool about that.”

“No, I’m not,” you admit sheepishly, settling on the stool before him. “I mean I am. A friend of mine met his guardian angel two years ago when he saved him from a horrible car accident. So, your existence does not freak me out, it’s common knowledge for us humans.” 

You bite your lip, averting your gaze from him to the painting adorning the wall above your couch—a bouquet of red roses where the petals seem dripping scarlet, resounding with passion and love, signed by H.

“It’s just… did you do something bad? For you to be left there alone?”

“Not bad,” he mumbles, clearing his throat awkwardly. It suddenly seemed silly to explain to a human that he envied their humanity, the one thing most of them seem to despise. “I broke the rules by talking to you that night, then to another human, and I was punished for it. I think,” he adds hesitantly.

“Oh,” you gasp softly, redirecting your attention to the pot to turn off the heat. It makes breathing easier for him. “You think?” you echo.

“It’s what I wanted,” he whispers, a bit breathless, now frightened by this newfound reality. He kept his powers and yet he lost his wings— he cannot fly back to his home and yet he can conjure anything his mind wishes for. He is with the one human that sparked his fascination and yet he cannot stop thinking of the price Christopher mentioned. Thinking too much about any of these things brings tears back to his throat— his body yearning to produce a liquid it has never known before.

“So, I assume you’ve never watched Howl’s Moving Castle up there,” you abruptly shift the subject, a radiant smile gracing your face as you pour the ramen into two bowls, generously topping them off with cheese.

“No?” His response carries a hint of uncertainty, and a sudden wave of frustration washes over him for feeling so displaced in his own existence. Yet, you appear oblivious to the awkwardness emanating from him as you gasp enthusiastically, seizing the two bowls and making your way to the couch. 

“Oh, I think you’ll like it,” you beam, patting the spot next to you before taking the remote and queuing up the movie.

The meal tastes better than anything Yongbok has ever eaten in his life, each bite igniting his taste buds in a symphony of flavors, akin to the spark of a popping candy in his mouth. He finds himself engrossed in the movie, in the stunning visuals, the gentle hues, and the paradoxical characters, uncovering reflections of his own existence within them.

He has never understood the need humans felt for art, dedicating hours upon hours to creating something not for their personal gain, but for others to watch, to reach, to touch. A craft not to appease one’s soul but to soothe the spirits of others. Yet, as the movie’s credits come to an end, a subtle shift occurs within him. Perhaps, he thinks with his widely beating heart, he now understands a little more.

“I feel terrible like there is a weight on my chest,” you repeat one of Howl’s concluding lines, stealing a glance at him, a tender smile gracing your face. The one dialogue that felt like a mirror was brought up to Yongbok's face.

“A heart’s a heavy burden,” he completes Sophie’s response to Howl. 

“That’s true. The heart weighs heavily on those who bear it,” you speak softly, as one would do to a child taking tentative steps into the world, learning that their first breath starts with grieving the only place you've known for nine months, followed by happiness, then sadness again, akin to the moon’s gradual phases. And maybe, in a way, he is a child lost in the overwhelming flood of these emotions, ones yet to be untangled in his mind but that already lay upon him like stones.

“Not everyone knows they have a heart, Yongbok. Some end up dying before ever feeling, without ever truly living.”  

“I just didn’t imagine it would be this… soul-crushing to bear it,” he admits softly, the words escaping him like a delicate secret. There's a hint of fear that accompanies his confession, an apprehension that Christopher might materialize before him, speaking in that calm, knowing tone—berating him with a simple “I told you so.”

“It’s a little organ facing a big life. It’s normal for it to be overwhelmed, don’t you think?” 

“Mm,” he hums in agreement, placing a trembling palm above his heart. Still as heavy. 

“You had a long night, get some rest, okay? We can start looking for a house tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he nods, as you rise from your place, only to reach for your wrist before fully thinking it through.  “Thank you,” he says sincerely. 

In the cracks of his heart, one seed of gratitude has been planted, a singular ray of light amid a stretch of darkness.

Finding a house turns out to be a strenuous task, and Yongbok feels remarkably disinterested in the discussions with every real estate agent you encounter. You play the role of his assistant, weaving a tale about an important businessman client who abruptly secured a job transfer to Seoul. However, he couldn't care less for the large windows ushering sunlight or the expansive patio offering picturesque views of Seoul. Instead, he focuses on your reactions to each room—the gasps of delight at spacious storage areas and the vacant rooms you dream of adorning in the future, once you're no longer a broke college student, as you explain.

You envision a room dedicated to your books, with a chair nestled in the middle for the long nights you spend reading, and another room designed as a painting studio. The expansive kitchens you visit are perfect for your baking endeavors, and Yongbok, perplexed by your fascination with fridges sporting two doors, finds amusement in your lively antics. Yet, a void persists within him, unfilled by the prospects of a shiny new home.

“Still not the one?” you ask on your third day of apartment hunting, and he shakes his head. 

“It’s okay, we’ll find the perfect one soon,” you reassure, and in that moment, he thinks back to your very first conversation on the rooftop, wonders how you can find hope for everyone surrounding you but yourself. 

“I still can’t believe I befriended a nepo angel,” you giggle, before inching closer to him on the couch, peering at him from beneath your eyelashes. “My air fryer is broken by the way, can you replace it?”

He contemplates for a minute before shaking his head, a subtle smirk playing on his lips. “No.”

“Aren’t you my guardian angel?”

“Right, a guardian angel. Not a bank.” 

“But if my air fryer isn’t replaced soon then I’ll keep using it even though all its electric wires are now exposed and a fire will break out and I’ll end up dying—”

“Fine,” he heaves a resigned sigh, “I’ll replace it.” 

“Can you also get me the Le Creuset kitchen set?” you grin, standing in your kitchen a few minutes later, cradling your brand-new air fryer between your arms.

“I'm not your sugar daddy.”

Your gasp is so comical that it coaxes a little giggle from his lips. “So you know about sugar daddies and not Studio Ghibli movies.”

“Gossip travels in our world too,” he shrugs, and you put the air fryer down, leaning closer to his face. From this proximity, he can discern the delicate curve of your eyelashes and the way they frame your glowing eyes—how can your eyes shine so brightly even under the shittiest kitchen lighting he’s ever seen?

"Hello? Did you hear me?" you wave a hand before his face, and he snaps back to reality, your voice flooding his senses again.

“Hm?”

“Never mind,” you shrug your hand dismissively in the air, “should we celebrate your third day of knowing me?”

“That's cause for celebration?” he frowns, and you playfully hit his arm. “I feed you, I clothe you, I put a roof above your head—” Your words are muffled as he clasps a hand over your mouth.

“Can you hear that?” he wonders.

You shake your head no.

“It's quiet, finally.”

His hand, a feeble barrier, does not manage to muffle your offended gasp, and in that moment, Yongbok laughs for the first time in his existence, a sound that ripples from the roots of his being, washing over his sadness and erasing it for a split second.

His eyes are closed as he tips his head back in laughter, and he misses the way your eyes soften, your retort withering at the tip of your tongue. 

He’s beautiful when he smiles, you think. You hope for all his powers he cannot hear your thoughts. 

…

Yongbok does not know what’s there to celebrate on his third day in this world, for all he had felt so far was excruciating sadness. But he complies with your wishes, rising at dawn to join you on the shore of the nearby ocean. Seated on the sand dampened by morning dewdrops, the remnants of melting snow resemble ink on a page not yet dry. 

He watches as the last threads of the night unfold before his eyes, leaving way to a mesmerizing palette of soft pinks and oranges, the sky blushing from a night spent with the moon.

You brought him to witness the sun rising above the ocean, said that it would help calm down the frenzy of his heart. You are quite right, since the rhythmic dance of the waves acts like a spell, unraveling the knot in his tongue and coaxing him to recount everything that has led him up to this moment, to you. You were the main reason for his journey, he did not see it fitting to conceal the truth from you. He did not know yet how to deceive or lie. 

“So you wanted to feel?” you conclude softly and Yongbok nods, eyes not peeling away from the sky before him. It looks grander from below, a vast ceiling you never fear might collapse on you.

“That’s why it overwhelmed you a lot, every emotion is heightened because it was the first time, I suppose” you muse. 

“Yeah, but does it ever lessen with time? Isn't that why you cry often?” he asks, now free of the bounds that once restricted his curiosity.

“Can you please not bring this up again?” you hide your face, and he tilts his head, a perplexed expression etched on his features.

“Why is that?”

“It's embarrassing that you saw me cry this much,” you mumble, your words nearly drowned out by the crashing waves.

“It's not embarrassing. It's... fascinating,” he asserts. You stare at him incredulously, prompting him to elaborate. “You go down the same path, fully aware of where it leads, and yet, you do it again on the off chance that you'll receive the same kindness you show.”

“I sound stupid,” you giggle, and he mirrors your smile, not to mimic you, but because the corners of his mouth yearn to curve upwards, refusing to leave you alone in your grin.

“No, you sound brave.”

Your eyes soften at his words, the light of the rising sun filtering easily through your irises, causing your pupils to widen with each passing second.

“Thank you.” 

A tranquil quiet settles between you, the soothing sound of the waves filling the silence. The sun hovers directly above the water now, perched on the horizon, the sky much bolder in the colors it showcases.

“I come here when my heart feels too heavy to bear. I suppose that looking at the sea calms me,” you murmur, your cheek pressed against your knee.

“Why is that?”

“For these waves to reach the shore, they go through a lot, you know? Storms and tumultuous roads, and rage fills them, anger, sadness too at being away from home for too long. But then, they always reach the shores at last. And they calm down, and they’re at peace.” 

You turn to look at him, the hues of the sunrise reflecting off your face, dancing with the shadows that mold your features.

You look beautiful, so much so that he almost misses what you say next.

“So it is comforting to know that no matter how grand my worries are, there will come a time when they too will grow tired and rest.”

“It will pass,” he whispers and you nod cheerfully. “See, you’re already getting the gist of it.” 

“No,” he contradicts, “everything I know about humanity is from you.”

The colors of the sky seem to seep through your face at his words, and an unfamiliar warmth spreads through his being at the thought of making you blush.

He licks his lips tentatively, bringing your hand to rest atop his heart, hoping that the pressure will help ease its tension.

It does, ever so slightly.

“It feels like my heart is squeezed between two narrow walls,” he explains and you nod in understanding.

“Like it’s been sucked through a straw that drains you out of life.”

“Yes,” He exhales with contentment at the thought of someone understanding what he means, of what he feels no longer being an anomaly, but the norm for most.

“Will you move in with me?” he suddenly asks, and you startle, your fingers growing limp in his hold. 

“What?” 

“Your apartment is shitty, you hate your landlord and I’m pretty sure there is mold growing on your walls.”

“Okay, no need to attack me,” you roll your eyes amusedly. 

“I’ll buy the apartment you wanted, it technically doesn’t cost me anything and it’s closer to your university too, you no longer have to commute. You can get the library you wanted and the painting space too.” 

“But—”

“I’m a fallen angel tasting humanity for the first time, I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do. I haven’t looked in a mirror yet because I don’t know who I’ll find there. And I’m so scared, Y/n, so scared,” he confesses, breathless, his hand still pressing your palm against his erratic heart. 

A few seconds of heavy silence pass, Yongbok senses a resolve in you unfold. 

“And in return?” you ask tentatively. 

“I want to be happy,“ he breathes out, eyes flickering over yours like a swaying candlelight, “Could you show me how it’s done?”

Act 3. What’s an angel to a human?

“I want a better body, I want better skin, I wanna be perfect like all your other friends"- Black Friday, Tom Odell.

“So, happiness.” You stand near a blank whiteboard in the middle of your cramped living room, the one you just asked Yongbok to conjure out of thin air. 

You’ve been slightly abusing his ability to make your every wish materialize in a fleeting second, but only for useless things, like a bar of soap that smells specifically of these notes combinations you always thought would pair heavenly together (they did not), or a tube of salted caramel ice cream at 2 a.m. because you were too lazy to walk to the fridge (it was mere two meters away). Or just like now, a huge whiteboard so you’d explain to him, visually, how to achieve happiness. 

You told him that you’d only allow him to buy you a new house if he truly felt happy, for the very first time in his life. When he asked you how he’d know, you said he’d simply do, when the time comes. You shook hands on that promise two days ago. 

“Was this really necessary?” he questions, cocking an eyebrow at you. In response, you place your palms against your hips, eyes squinting at his dubious figure. 

“Do you want to be happy?”

“Yes.”

“Then, shut up.”

“I don’t think violence is the way to go about joy,” he quips and you quickly shut him up with a glare. Yongbok came to find that annoying you brought him a strange sense of satisfaction— he enjoyed seeing you pivot away, trying your best to conceal your amused smirk at his teasing. You always fail, or perhaps his perception of your being is heightened by the bond you share.

“I was saying, happiness is a byproduct of biological reactions.” You draw in a smiley face with utter concentration, and he stifles a giggle at the simplistic representation of the feeling. “There are four main hormones that allow us to feel happiness.” You pause, pointing your pen at him. “Yongbok, do you know which these are?”

“If I did know, why would I be here?” 

“True,” you nod vigorously, looking back at the whiteboard before locking eyes with him once more. “Can you please play along? I’ve always wanted to be a teacher,” you smile excitedly, speaking in hushed tones as if it was meant to be a shared secret between you both, far from the reach of the angels and peers that must be looking down at you both right now— you in indifference, him in disdain.

He shudders at the thought. 

“Fine. No, I do not Miss,” his smile is small, it grows when your eyes soften at him playing along. “Care to explain?” 

“So, in theory, we have dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin.” You flip the board, revealing some intricate drawings of what looks like the human brain, different arrows going out of it, filled with many inscriptions that he assumes are definitions of the hormones you just revealed. 

“But all of this is…” you play the drums on the board, leaning forth in suspense. “Useless!” you shout, throwing your marker and eraser in the air. Yongbok claps diligently at your dramatics.

“You know for humans with limited amounts of time on this earth, you sure do love wasting your precious minutes,” he taunts and a fire seems to light in your eyes, flames surging higher each time you poke fun at one another.

“You know for an angel who desperately needs my help, you sure do talk a lot.” 

“Touché,” he sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Please grace me with your special knowledge.” 

“Fine.” You plop down next to him on the couch, your knee bumping against his. A pang of ache flares in his being before disappearing as quickly as it came. It leaves him no time to decipher its cause.

“Happiness is the hardest thing to get in this life. Sometimes you follow all the instructions on how to be happy and yet fail to achieve it.” You speak with a lingering bitterness in your tone as if you’ve spent the best part of your life following defective manuals. 

“Happiness won’t come to you, Yongbok. It doesn’t come knocking on our doors. You’ll have to search for it. Especially on days when everything seems grim and dark, you’ll have to squint your eyes and find it in the small things all around you. And when you do, hold on to them with all your might. Even if your hand bleeds, you hold on just as tightly.”

“What small things?” he asks, turning his entire body towards you. He is almost breathless, waiting for you to spell out the secret to tasting life’s sweetest fruit.

“Things that remain gentle no matter what time does to you. Like looking at flowers, sitting underneath the sun, watching the sea, being kind and helping people, enjoying your favorite hobby… “ you enumerate, your eyes never leaving his. “Do you have a hobby?”

“No?” he replies, though it comes off more as a question. You pick up on his uncertainty, waving a hand quickly through the air.

“It’s okay. I’ll help you find one. I promise.” 

His response comes as easily as an autumn breeze. 

“Okay. I believe you.”

You beam at him, sunlight seemingly pouring into your pores, brightening your face from within. He finds it strange that he suddenly sees the sun in you, a star he has never taken an interest in. But he quickly brushes the thought aside, mirroring your grin.

“I was also thinking,” you add, “you should work with me at my café.” 

“Me?” he points at himself and you giggle, nodding. “Yes, you! Do you want to just sit here all day waiting for me to come home from uni?” 

“What? Who said I don’t want to be your trophy wife?”

You snort, bewildered. “A what?”

“I did a deep dive into Urban Dictionary yesterday.”

You blink once. Then twice. “Crazy words to hear from an angel. And it’s a no, to being my trophy wife.”

“Please?” he pushes, tugging at the outskirts of your sleeve. 

“No,” you sing-song, standing up and heading to the kitchen. “We needed a new barista anyway. And I’ll teach you how to make coffee. Also, I think you’ll enjoy people-watching.”

“That sounds creepy!” he shouts from the couch.  

“Says the guy who told me I cry an average of 160 times per year!”

“It’s 165, actually,” he corrects. 

You peek your head out of the kitchen, pointing a threatening finger at him. “Die.” 

“What happened to live laugh love?” 

“Just how much did you stay on Urban Dictionary?”

“A lot,” he shudders, shaking his head. You burst into uncontainable giggles, and the same satisfaction floods Yongbok’s being. Although this time it is much stronger.

It is a weird thought that suddenly brushes his mind— he thinks that if the sun ever spoke it would be your laugh spilling out of its mouth. 

… 

“Welcome to my humble abode,” you grin, spreading your arms wide as you open the door to Haven Café. Yongbok follows closely behind, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his black jeans.

“It’s nice,” he says absentmindedly, his eyes sweeping across every surface of the interior.

“Nice? This is my baby. Please be more expressive,” you retort, pointing a finger at him threateningly. He shakes his head, amused.

“This is the most beautiful place my fallen angel eyes have ever seen,” he says with mock reverence.

He isn’t lying, though. Resplendent flower vases adorn every corner, and a warm, inviting atmosphere permeates the space, evident in the comfortable auburn chairs and the books scattered on the sage shelves.

“I was actually wondering… What makes something beautiful?” he suddenly asks. You pause in your tracks, then resume opening the blinds.

“How it makes you feel,” you say simply. “Help me?” you add. Yongbok nods, sidling up to your side to open the remaining windows.

“This place is beautiful to me because it makes me feel at ease. I know that whatever happens, I can always escape here. Between the flower vases, the aroma of coffee, and the large windows, I feel good. At home,” you explain.

“But isn’t home your house?” he asks earnestly, tilting his head to the side. Your smile, warm and comforting, brushes over him like a fleeting sunbeam.

“Home is where you feel most like yourself.”

He does when you’re nearby. 

Does that make you my home? He wants to ask, but something inside stops him. He thinks it is too big of a confession to be uttered at the rise of dawn. 

“When did you start working here?” he asks, watching you refill the ice.

“Seven years ago.”

“Oh,” he gasps softly, suddenly remembering that he hasn’t known you your entire life. He wasn’t there to guard you through your childhood, to watch you stumble off the steps, or swing high to the sky. He realizes how little he knows about you. He suddenly aches to learn more, to know everything.

“The owner was our old neighbor, so when I was sixteen, he got me my first job here. I’m very attached to this place and its memories so I still come here.” 

“Memories,” he repeats to himself slowly, as if tentatively tasting the way the word feels on his tongue.

“What was that?” you ask, as you sweep the counter with a purple rug.

“It’s nice to have memories,” he smiles and you scrunch your nose, shaking your head slightly.

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I have no memories. None worth getting attached to anyway because all my life was spent feeling the same way. So, in a way…” he pauses, licking his lips tentatively. “I have never lived anything that shaped me. Except for meeting you.” A few silent beats pass, and you feel as if he has more to say, so you remain quiet. 

Yongbok opens his mouth, only to close it again, deciding against speaking. Yet again, too early.

“It’s your first life, in a way,” you finally say, “there are all these unknown feelings that you are experiencing for the first time. It’s unfair to you if you expect yourself to figure it out from the get-go.” 

Your palm rests upon his back, swiping gently left and right before you move around the corner to filter the coffee. But Yongbok feels as if the clock orchestrating the universe has halted, the seconds freezing the moment your hand touched his back.

It is a heavy, gruesome knowledge that he bears— knowing that beneath your warm, comforting touch lies a map of butchered skin and scars running down his spine. His powers had fallen short of erasing the remnants of his lost wings, leaving behind clots of skin that starkly highlight all his imperfections in one place.

Yongbok had looked at his back only once, a fleeting glance before he vowed never to set eyes on his abomination again, this grotesque reminder clinging to him like skeletons overflowing from his closet.

He felt ugly, and worthless for carrying such a vivid reminder of who he once was. Who he failed to be. No one should ever see his back.

Especially not you.

“There are twenty minutes left until opening. Shall we discover what your favorite drink is?” you ask, snapping Yongbok out of his haze.

“Yeah,” he clears his throat with an inhuman effort. “That sounds nice.”

Yongbok doesn't like coffee—you could tell from the scrunch of his nose and the squint in his eye after one sip of his iced Americano. “Are you bad at making coffee, or does it always taste like this?” he asks, and you throw a dozen napkins at his head in response.

“People ask for me specifically to make their coffee. Know your place,” you squint threateningly. He raises his hands in surrender, biting his tongue cheekily. Your eyes linger a bit too long on his lips, shaped like a cupid’s bow, their arrow striking straight through your heart.

It sometimes astonishes you how pretty your guardian angel is, and how seemingly unaware he is of the beauty he carries within each one of his features, each worthy of paintings and sculptures to immortalize them for eternity to come.

“This is good,” he grins, sipping his caramel Frappuccino happily.

“Because it’s ninety percent sugar,” you smile just as brightly. He puts down the drink slowly, eyeing you curiously.

“Why do I feel as if this is a secret insult?”

“It’s not a secret insult. I’m doing it to your face,” you smile, and he rolls his eyes so much they almost reach the back of his head. You can’t help but giggle quietly as he grabs the vanilla matcha drink. “Wow I can’t believe the sassy men apocalypse affects angels as well,” you sigh.

“I literally have no idea what half of these words are.”

“What happened to Urban Dictionary?”

“Die.”

“Aww, look at you picking up my slang already,” you coo at him. 

It's his turn to fling balled-up napkins at your face. You dodge them perfectly as if in a dance you’ve rehearsed thousands of times before.

“Anyways,” you clap excitedly, “you have five minutes to make me a latte.”

“Me? But I don't know how to.”

You place a recipe book before him, tapping the counter diligently. “I expect the world’s tastiest latte.”

A small smirk draws upon his lips as he shakes his head slightly. The sight of him makes you flustered all of a sudden.

“Anything else, your majesty?”

“No,” you grin. “Have fun!”

You wander through the café, dusting the books on the shelves– your most prized possessions, ones that you bought and others that customers themselves have donated. You return to Yongbok’s side when his voice booms through the place, calling your name.

“Here,” he slings the drink toward you, and your face contorts in shock.

“What the fuck? Since when do you know how to do this?”

“Do what?”

“This intricate latte art?” you point to the foam forming a perfectly drawn white swan.

“Ah, this. One time you were in the kitchen, very frustrated because you couldn’t get this shape right. So, I did it for you.”

“Are all angels as sweet as you?” you grin, taking a sip of the drink and holding his gaze over the rim of the glass. His heart catches in his throat for two reasons—anticipation as he awaits your reaction, and hunger as he aches for you to describe him even more, to dress him in all the adjectives linked to his being so he wouldn’t feel like a stranger, a blank canvas in his own body.

“How is it?” he asks. You remain silent, taking another sip.

“Mm.”

“Mm?” he echoes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s opening time!” you sing-song, walking away, and he follows behind you. “Why won’t you tell me? Is it that bad?”

“I don’t want to!” you speed up walking, and so does he. You end up running, skirting around the chairs, your laughter coating the room like golden honey. “Leave me alone!” 

“You have to tell me!” he shouts, chasing after you in an impromptu game of catch. He suddenly manages to grab your arm, spinning you around until your back is against the table, his arms on either side of your body. His eyes are suddenly drawn to the languid rise and fall of your chest, and then to the way your tongue slowly swipes across your lips, wetting them. 

A sudden warmth pools in his lower stomach, and he lets out a shuddered breath, his heart caught in a web of unknown feelings.

“Am I interrupting?” an unknown voice breaks in, and Yongbok quickly takes three hurried steps away from you, his cheeks ablaze as if flames are latching onto them—he doesn’t know if it’s from his embarrassment or from the golden specks he could decipher in your eyes.

“Mr. Kang!” you shout excitedly, skipping over to stand by the man’s side. He’s shorter than you, his back slightly hunched from time’s morphing hands, and his smile is warm as it lands on you. He reaches out to ruffle your hair in greeting before his gaze lands on Yongbok.

“Is this your friend?” he asks, the same smile still etched into his lips. You nod, and Yongbok bows deeply before straightening up.

“Can he make nice coffee?” Mr. Kang asks, and Yongbok stares at you expectantly.

“The best,” you finally grin, and a worried breath dissipates from his chest.

“I think we’ll get more clients too. He’s very handsome!”

“I know, you should see his freckles,” you giggle, pointing to a lightbulb that needs fixing on the other side of the café. Yongbok stays rooted in place, trying his best to steady his breathing. He is sure his face has turned the shade of the sky after a crimson sunset.

…

“This is Chris,” you say, standing by Yongbok’s side two hours later as he diligently wipes the counter. Yongbok follows your gaze to a young man nodding his head to the rhythm of his headphones. He looks serious, eyebrows furrowed, and his lips pressed into a thin line. His hair is hidden beneath a black cap, but a few strands escape, swooping like a duck’s tail.

“We take a music theory class together. He’s the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, a true social butterfly. I think the term was coined for him,” you explain. As if summoned by your words, Chris looks up, his eyes finding the two of you. He tilts his head in greeting, clicks a few keys on his laptop, then rises to join you.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he grins, and you roll your eyes. “When are you going to drop the cheesy nicknames?”

“Never,” he smiles, dimples deepening. They remain as his gaze shifts to Yongbok.

Yongbok isn’t used to smiles that don’t falter when they land on him.

“Hey, mate,” Chris says, extending his hand. Yongbok nods, shaking it.

“I’m Chris.”

“Yongbok.”

“Are you new here?”

“No, we just found him outside and forced him to make coffee,” you tease. Chris bumps your shoulder playfully. “Shut up. Good luck having to stand her for so long.”

“As if you aren’t obsessed with me,” you scoff, turning to Yongbok. “He refuses to drink coffee anywhere else.”

“Because you give me free sweets.”

“In this economy?” Mr. Kang appears suddenly, and the two of you burst into laughter at his timing. “Did your daughter teach you that?” you giggle, and he nods, almost desolate as if forced to acquire this knowledge.

“Anyway, we should hang out at one of my parties, Yongbok. Let’s catch up,” Chris grins before winking at you— “My usual, please, baby.”

You send him a playful middle finger. He blows you a kiss as he returns to his seat.

“We’ve known each other for three years now. He’s very annoying,” you smile, shaking your head. “But he’s a good friend.”

Yongbok feels something chip away in his heart, as his eyes land on Chan’s figure yet again. A slow ache swirls in his stomach like thorny vines. Time seems different for humans. He has known his fellow angels for much longer yet he doesn't think anyone would ever speak of him with this fond of a tone. 

---

“You did well,” you smile, patting Yongbok’s shoulder at the end of the day, the café as empty as it was at 6 a.m.

“Thank you, it was nice,” he replies with a tired, yet genuine smile. You nod, a slight yawn taking over you.

“Will you help me get some flour from the back? Then we can go home.”

Home. A concept that seems less foreign when you are near.

“Sure.”

“It’s there,” you point to a high shelf in the storage room. “We usually use a staircase, but we broke ours last month. I almost fell on my head— “

“But ended up magically walking away unscathed?” he interrupts. “I know.”

You slam a hand over your mouth, staggering back. “How?”

“Y/n... please don’t be surprised when I tell you this,” Yongbok frowns, placing a hand on his heart.

“Tell me,” you whisper.

“When I told you I was your guardian angel, it meant that I actually guarded you from harm’s way.”

“No,” you shake your head.

“I know,” he nods solemnly. “I’ve saved you from many, many clumsy falls.”

“My savior,” you giggle. “Lift me?” you say, and he nods, squatting down until you climb atop his shoulders before rising again.

“Okay, get a bit closer,” you instruct as you grab a packet of flour. “Shit, okay, this is heavy,” you giggle nervously.

“Why are you shaking? I’m the one carrying you,” Yongbok chuckles.

“When have you ever seen me around the vicinity of a gym?”

“Just hang in there, I’ll squat slowly,” he reassures.

Your feet are almost on the ground when the bag slips from your hands, falling with a resounding bang. Clouds of white envelop you both, shrouding your clothes in powder. You freeze, only to erupt into laughter as Yongbok grabs your waist, pulling you down to him.

“My god,” you manage to utter between chuckles, staring at the flour scattered all over the ground. Your laughter intensifies as Yongbok stares at you blankly, his face completely covered in white.

“What should I do?” you giggle, clutching your stomach. Yongbok can’t hold in his laughter much longer at the sight of the tears rolling down your cheeks. His giggles stream through your veins like a cup of hot tea, making your entire being warm up from within.

“I’m sorry,” you laugh, your palms settling atop his cheeks, slightly wiping away the powder.

“It’s okay,” he chuckles still, swiping his knuckles across your cheek to remove the flour, as well. Your hands cease their movements as you take in the fully concentrated look on his face.

“Can I ask you something?” you inquire quietly, and he nods.

“You seemed quiet today,” you note. He stiffens slightly before turning your cheek to the left, wiping the other side of your face. “Or was I wrong?”

“I don’t really know how to talk to other people.”

“Why is that?”

“I’m scared they’ll be able to tell there is something abnormal about me.”

“Yongbok...” you speak his name softly as if it was molded after your voice alone. “That’s nonsense. There is nothing abnormal about you.”

He avoids your gaze, so you place your hand atop his, tilting your face to catch his eyes. “Hm?”

“Just because my wings aren’t here doesn’t mean my past is erased.”

“Who said it should be? No one’s asking you to be perfect. No human is, Yongbok.” He remains silent, so you sigh softly, inching closer to him.

“If a straight line goes on with its path...” your fingertip drags a straight line across his chest, the white shirt he’s wearing suddenly igniting from the warmth of your touch. “It will remain undisturbed for the rest of its life. But what good is that? If a line doesn’t go down,” you trace a curve down his shirt, then one up again, “how will it ever know how sweet a high is, right?” you smile, before bopping your fingertip across the tip of his nose.

“You have pretty freckles, by the way,” you smile, and he clears his throat, nodding furiously. “Thank you.”

“You know, the guy who ordered the matcha latte, he spent his entire time here observing you,” you grin knowingly, and he frowns. “Really? I didn’t notice.”

“Yes, and when you gave him the change, he did the... what was it called again?” you muse for a few seconds before clapping. “Ah, yes, the triangle method.”

“What’s that?”

“He looked into your left eye, then your right one,” you demonstrate with your gaze gliding across his like a skilled ice skater grazing the surface of ice. “Then... his gaze flickered to your lips,” your eyes follow your words, and his breath suddenly catches in his throat, an unknown feeling swelling in the pits of his stomach. Tender and aching all at once. 

“Did it work? Did I fluster you?” you giggle, leaning to place your ear atop his heart. Yongbok pushes your head away, grateful for the dim lighting that conceals his blushing face. He doesn’t know what emotion will burst into him if your head rests across his chest.

He doesn’t think his heart could handle it.

“No, you didn’t, um—” he’s flustered. He prays with all his might you can’t tell. “Let’s clean this up, I’m hungry.”

“What should we have for dinner?”

“Sushi?”

“No, let’s have kimbap.”

“Then why did you ask me?”

You shrug happily. “I’m giving you the illusion of choice.”

Your words send a chill running down his spine, his hands freezing in place. Is this what Chris has offered him? An illusion of choice. Of a different ending. Of a fate different from what he has always thought would be his.

No, Christopher can’t be that cruel, right? Yongbok shakes his head, cleaning the entire room with an absentminded swipe of his hand.

A fool made to believe he can change a prophecy.

But Yongbok can’t help the small voice growing in his head, feeding off his worries and anxiety, echoing mindlessly within his mind.

But he can.

He can.

He is.

…

Time passes differently on humans than on angels. It now marks Yongbok in different ways, too. 

The hours he spends feeling sad are excruciating, stretching long and long till he starts to question whether the sun does rise at the end of the night. Or if it is a cruel lie recounted by humans to make the sadness less harsh, easier to bear. 

But those same hours he spends happily pass within the blink of an eye, their fragments stitching into Yongbok’s memory, a tapestry woven with threads of your silky voice and glimmering eyes. It is those happy moments he lived for the past month that he wishes to remember. 

Only those. 

He's gotten better at latte art, taking pleasure in drawing different shapes, animals, and even faces into the drinks. It’s less the satisfaction of being good at a task, and more so the smile that blooms on the faces of whichever customer gets their drink. Delighted by something he did, for once.

He’s good at making brownies. And apparently, his brownies are the best you’ve ever had. He’s only ever discovered the joys of baking because you were craving some but were feeling too lazy to make them. It was arguably hard to bake in the dark, as if ashamed of what your reaction would be if you found him struggling with pots and browned butter. 

But all of his embarrassment dissipated when you tasted them first thing in the morning, your eyes lingering longer on his figure when you found the plate. 

Mr. Kang agrees, too, so much that he’s asked him to put up these brownies for sale. Yongbok spends a lot of time with the kitchen staff, where Mrs. Kang, the head chef, teaches him the intricacies of carrot cake and cinnamon rolls. She calls him “son”,  Yongbok doesn’t know why an urge to weep overtakes him each time he hears the nickname.

You took him on picnics across the Han River, bowls of steaming hot ramyeon in your hands as you watched the sunset, sometimes the sunrise too. He reads books lying on the grass field, your shoulder brushing against his own. He doesn’t know why he remembers the swipe of your skin against his, or the specific scent of your perfume as it intermingles with that of the salty river. 

Sometimes it is bike rides across the river. You chasing the sun and him chasing something else— was it your smile, your happiness, a glimpse of your face each time you turned back to look at him? He doesn’t know the exact answer, but he knows that when your gaze met his across your shoulder, the wind swaying your hair as if spelling out lullabies for his soul, something excruciatingly tender bloomed within his soul. 

Sometimes it is day trips to neighboring cities, where you can see the beach once again. Where he swims and floats atop the water. Where he closes his eyes and feels at peace, where the water chases off images of his pain and leaves only images of you. 

He also volunteered at your local food kitchen. The people who eat there have called him kind, too. He feels as if you sat the course of how he would be perceived when you described him as such, the very first night you spoke in. He likes being there. He likes talking to people, he’s gotten better at it, too. 

He met Chan, and his two friends, Han and Changbin. He doesn’t remember how he ended up singing ad-libs for their newest mixtape. But they complimented his voice, said it’s perfect for harmonizing. You had simply grinned as if you already knew that from the moment you had first heard him speak. You spent the rest of the night eating grilled meat and playing video games over at their dorm. Yongbok doesn't think he laughed as much as that day. 

And each time he thinks the heights of his happiness are attained, that this is as joyful as he can get. That sorrow will undoubtedly follow closely, as it lingers just around the corner, waiting for the cup of his happiness to be filled to the brim. You prove him wrong. You make him laugh harder. You broaden his heart for him to receive even more happiness. 

As you are doing now, missing every target to win this pink cat plushie in Lotte World. 

“This is embarrassing, how can you miss all of them?” he sighs amusedly and you turn around, pointing a finger at his face. 

“Because you are staring at me with your…” you stammer, waving your finger in front of his face, “eyes.”

“How am I supposed to look at you then?”

“Just don't. I don’t do well with scrutinizing.”

“Okay, I’m not looking.” he turns around, closing his eyes for a second, waving his hand discreetly through the air. He knows that your delighted scream will follow. 

“Did you get it?” he feigns being surprised as you shake his shoulder, turning him around. “I did!” 

Your smile is as wide as an ocean, as beautiful as the sunsets you take him to witness. He’s lost in thought as he takes in your grin. 

“You look so pretty, Yn,” he says honestly, earnestly, because it is the only way he has ever known to speak to you. “Pretty like the sun.” 

“Oh,” your excitement fizzles out, the plushie growing lump in your hold. “Doesn’t the sun burn the more you look at it?” you giggle nervously, tucking strands of your hair behind your ear. They are rebellious, refusing to stay still, so Yongbok steps forward, gently doing it for you.

“Because the sun shines a bit too brightly to make sure everything else in the universe does.” he pauses, running his tongue across the expanse of his lips. “Just like you, with me and everyone else in your life,” he says. My light is a reflection of yours, is what you hear. 

“You are very honest,” you smile softly, bringing a hand to your ablaze cheeks, hoping to cool them down. 

“Is it a bad thing?” he asks. Nervous. You quickly shake your head, despising the thought of a negative emotion trapping his heart.

“No, no. It’s a good one. Truly.” 

“Okay.” 

“Should we go to the ferry wheel?” you suddenly ask, hugging the plushie closely to your body. 

“Yeah, sure, let’s go,” he grins. 

Yongbok’s limbs are slightly achy from all the rides you went on today, but nothing seems to deter the smile on his face, even as the line stretches for meters ahead. Nothing, except for the discomfort slowly growing on your face, your thumb tearing at the skin near your nails. 

“What’s wrong?” he questions, trying his best to catch your fleeting gaze. 

“There are too— too many people around, I feel a bit suffocated.” 

Yongbok doesn’t think, he simply grabs your hand and you are suddenly on the top of the ferry wheel, humans morphing into tiny ants to you from high above.

“Better?” he asks worriedly, tucking a strand of your hair behind the cuff of your ear. 

You’re still slightly dazed, but the wind that slams into your body feels like a gulp of cold water. 

“Your hands are shaking,” he notices, entwining your fingers with his, naturally, as if it is second nature for you both. “And they are cold. Are you dying?” he asks and you finally burst into giggles, shaking your head.

“No, I… I sometimes get anxious around people; it usually turns into a panic attack but I think you stopped it.”

“I helped you?” he asks, eyes softening and you nod. “Why are you surprised? you always do.”

Yongbok doesn’t know how to face the gentleness of your tone. It is a much harder opponent than the harshness he was subjected to. 

“Do they happen often?”

“It depends. They come and go like the seasons. I actually… I learned how to help you from my mom. Do you remember? back on the rooftop?”

“Really?” he asks, bringing your interlocked hands to his mouth and blowing warm air onto them. His lips almost graze your knuckles in the process. 

“Yeah. She got them frequently and she taught me how to ground her. And then I used those techniques on myself. Then on you.” you sigh, closing your eyes and tipping your head back. 

“Hers happened because of a past accident. She once got stuck in a mob of people and ended up fainting. it was my dad who pulled her up from the ground, it’s how they met, actually,” you grin slightly, before breathing in slowly.

“You know, I read that you can inherit trauma from your parents, but also from generations past. That  it changes the genetic structure of your mind. I wonder if that’s what triggers me.” 

“That's fascinating to think about. How emotions and experiences can be inherited.” 

“I know,” you smile, “I think it passed.” you gesture to your interlocked hands and he lets go promptly, staring ahead at the twinkling city lights, light pink dusting his cheeks. He’s embarrassed because he enjoyed the feel of your palm against his so much, maybe too much, enough to wish for your line palms to meld into one another. Becoming two indiscernible scriptures to the naked eye. 

“Wait. Does this mean we didn't need to wait all day for the rides?” you suddenly ask and he nods. 

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I don't… I don't like using my powers a lot around you.”

“Why is that?” 

“I'm scared that the more I use them the more you'll realize that I'm a fallen angel and that you have no business talking to someone like me.”

“You are very silly, you know that right?” you sigh, placing your cheek atop his shoulder. Yongbok’s world stops spinning right there and then. “I don't feel as lonely anymore now that you’re here. Angel,, human, or something else entirely… None of that matters to me.

To me, you’re just Yongbok.”

the question trickles suddenly into his being, tiptoes inside him gently like a droplet finding its way back to a waterfall— what is the grandest thing the universe has to offer?

To him you’re it. 

“I think I'm happy right now.”

“You think?” 

“I don't know how to describe it… But it feels like I have a little sun in my chest. It glows and it’s warm.” 

You tilt your head back to look at him, a wide smile on your face. He finds his answer in the sunset that filtrates through the strands of your hair, the last sun rays of the day coating your face in a warm glow, as if it was made to make your features shine the most, to make the shadows in your face look like a sculpture. 

“Yeah,” he says after a few silent beats, “I really am happy.”

“Does this mean we are moving?” you giggle, spreading your arms wide as if taking in the entire universe into your chest.

“Yeah, wherever you want us to.” His words are soft, resolute, draped with a gentle discovery— he followed you down to earth, he’d follow you everywhere in it.

…

“I don't know how I'll explain to people how I suddenly afforded this apartment,” you smile, hands on your hips, as you take in your new surroundings. 

Yongbok moves to stand directly behind you, his chest almost brushing against yours. you feel your heart palpitate at his proximity— so close yet so out of reach, simultaneously.

“Just say you moved in with me”

“Mm, I’ll say we are childhood friends and you just moved to the city.”

“Friends? Is that what we are now?” he grins, the light from the tinted windows bathing his features in a kaleidoscope of colors. He’s so beautiful, You you suddenly wish for a change to what you are. you don’t know by what exactly. But something, anything that will allow you to appreciate, venerate his beauty fully.

“Well, we aren’t strangers anymore.”

“I think you are my first real friend,” he says, a bit shyly, pink filling up the spaces between his tan freckles. 

Yongbok always speaks what’s in his mind, with this air of innocence tainting his words as if he doesn’t know that thoughts can be kept to himself. 

You never mind it. Though it churns your insides, makes you experience this particular attachment to him. You want to orbit around him, hear what he thinks of everything, of the colors it seems he experiences for the first time, the food he tastes, and the humans he speaks to.

And most importantly, you. 

You yearn to know everything he thinks of you. You don’t allow yourself to decipher where this need is coming from. You don’t think you’d be able to handle its consequences. 

“You’re lucky I'm like… The best human to ever walk on this earth,” you grin, throwing your hair over your shoulder and onto his face. He squints his eye to chase away strands of your hair.

“The humblest too,” he says, his eyes drifting across the living room. You chose an apartment on the smaller side, as opposed to his unlimited budget. But he likes what you did to the place. He doesn’t quite understand the intricacies of home decor, but he likes the plants everywhere, the flickering candles, and the fragrant flowers bathed in dim lightning. 

And he loves your painting room the most, with a neat library on the side. It feels like taking a walk straight into your heart. 

“Who painted that, by the way?” he suddenly asks, pointing to the painting in the middle of the room, right above the beige couch. 

“Hwang Hyunjin. It took me four paychecks to be able to afford it, three years ago. His pieces are now much more expensive.”

“Hyunjin…” he repeats, tasting the name on his tongue, it is familiar, and the memory suddenly hits him once again. “Oh, I talked to him before.”

“Did you?!” you ask excitedly, grabbing his arm and shaking it slightly. “Where, when, how?”

“At a bar, before I became... half human?” he says, unsure a bit of what he is now. “He actually invited me to his upcoming exposition. When was it again?”

“Today!” you nearly yell and he flinches.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I've been following his news. He's really my favorite artist.”

“Should we go?” 

“Actually?”

“Yeah. you seem to really like him.”

“Oh my god, I’m meeting Hwang Hyunjin. oh my god, I need a dress,” you grab his hand, pulling him away. “We need a dress!”

“We?”

“Let’s go shopping, we need to buy…”

Your words fizzle out in his brain, his whole focus on your entwined fingers as you push him through the room. Your palm feels like a soft petal brushing against his bruised skin. 

If he freezes time, just for a bit more, to enjoy the feel of your hand in his, would anyone blame him? 

The earth would understand surely— the desperate need to appreciate softness when all he has known is thorns pricking his skin.

...

“Yongbok!” Hyunjin's boisterous voice echoes through the art gallery, drawing every eye to you and Yongbok as you stride inside. Yongbok barely has a moment to take in the lavish surroundings before Hyunjin walks toward you, his polished shoes clicking rhythmically against the white marble.

“I knew you’d come!” he grins, grabbing Yongbok’s hand between his two large palms, shaking it warmly. 

“I didn’t think you’d remember me.” 

“Of course I'd remember you,” Hyunjin says, his face darkening for a fleeting second, before his eyes rest on you. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Hyunjin,” he smiles, grabbing your hand and shaking it a bit more softly. 

“Yn. I’m a big admirer of your work, truly.”

Yongbok’s eyes soften at your excitement— they don’t leave your figure when he tells Hyunjin that you have a piece of his hanging in the living room.

“Really?” Hyunjin’s face brightens up at the news, “which one?”

“The red roses in the vase. It’s one of my favorites.”

“That was in my beginnings,” Hyunjin muses, a hint of nostalgia tinting his words. “I put a lot of love in it.” 

“I can tell, the colors especially scream of passion.”

“Are you one for passionate love?”

“Is love truly love if it is devoid of passion?” you ask, tilting your head. Hyunjin’s eyes linger on Yongbok for a moment before turning back to you.

“Excellent! Please choose whichever artwork you prefer; it will be my gift.”

“Really?” you beam, brighter than Yongbok has ever seen you before. The sun suddenly perishes within him.

“Of course. The prettiest artwork for the prettiest girl,” Hyunjin winks smoothly, before patting Yongbok’s shoulder. “Shall I give you a tour?”

Yongbok’s voice is withered as it floods his ears— “Please.”

…

Yongbok’s eyes are fixated on the red liquid swirling around his glass. He fears that if his gaze deserts the wine he’s drinking then it would inevitably drift to you and Hyunjin, giggling together, like long-time friends. Or is it lovers? The lines blur so easily for humans.

He had feigned an ache in his legs, telling you that he’d sit down while you go on with the tour. You had placed a hand on his arm, a worried crease in your eyebrows. “Okay?” you asked. Comforting, warm. It is the adjectives that always come to his mind when he thinks of you with him. 

But you aren’t his to describe. His to be kind with. His. 

So, he hummed, a tight smile drawn on his face. 

It’s not that he despised Hyunjin’s artwork. On the contrary, Hyunjin is a skilled artist, he can see why he’s reaping the fruits he sowed years ago. And yet, what disturbs him is something silly, stupid, too feeble for an angel, a human even, to care for.

He doesn’t like how your laugh travels around the gallery, how you fell so easily into conversation with Hyunjin, talking about your shared interest in art. He won’t ever have a passion of years to talk to you about. How could he when his existence merely spans over three months?

Yongbok is shrinking more and more, till he becomes a single dot of paint on the painting in the very far end of the gallery. Forgotten, dim before all the others. How can he dream to compare if he doesn’t know who he is? If his memories of life don’t even contain the four seasons, pausing in winter, barely brushing against spring.

When his torn skin doesn’t bear blemishes from falls years ago, while riding the bicycle, while playing with other kids, proof of a childhood well spent. No, his scars are that of one stripped from his roots, cast into an unknown world, punished, ridiculed. 

He’s unworthy of being an angel, unworthy of being human, unworthy of being in your company. Why are you wasting time with someone like him, who’d only pull you down, someone who needs instructions to understand how to carry his heart? 

The thoughts play out in his head, again and again, on your ride back home. You are happy, radiating even at the thought of a painting delivered by Hyunjin himself, your favorite artist, sitting in your home. His skin ricochets off your happiness, morphs it into anger and bitterness, all directed at himself.

He hates Hyunjin. He doesn't. He hates Hyunjin with you. He wants you to be happy with him alone. Isn’t he horrible for wishing to strip you away from happiness? 

Horrible.

Horrible.

Abomination. 

“Can you help me take off my necklace?” you knock on his bedroom a few minutes after you arrive, walking in to find him sitting on his bed, deep in thought. 

He startles at your presence, backing away even more into the wall. You frown at the tumult you perceive in his eyes. 

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I said,” he speaks through gritted teeth. “Please, get out.” 

He can’t bear looking at you. He can’t bear you looking at him. What will you see? Someone poisoned by jealousy, whose insides are collapsing on themselves, whose body rejects his bruised soul, over and over again. 

Where else is he supposed to flee? If he sheds this skin, which one would finally accept him whole? 

“What’s wrong? you’ve been quiet all night, avoiding my gaze. Did something happen that upset you?”

He’s panicking, on the verge of combusting into tears. How would he explain this hatred coursing through his veins at the thought of being perceived? By your kind, beautiful beautiful eyes, nonetheless. 

“I really–“ a pause, “ I really don’t want to see you right now.”

You falter, your hand curling tighter against the doorknob.

“Because each time I do, I– I see you with Hyunjin, and I feel as if flames are burning inside my lungs, choking me.” 

“What?” 

“And I hate- hate how I… look how I exist right now. So please, leave, I don't want you to see me.” 

You hesitate for a few seconds, rooted in place. 

And then you close the door. 

You are inside. 

“Talk to me, what is it you’re feeling?” you speak softly, your voice cautious, none of the things he’s used to. It angers him all of the sudden. 

“This is exactly what I hate. You are wasting your time helping me decipher my feelings, you are pitying me. Can't you see how burdensome I am?”

You shake your head, taking a step forward. 

“I don’t, I like it, I… I love helping you, I love seeing the world through your eyes again. It feels like I'm learning new things every day thanks to you and I—“

“I’m an ABOMINATION,” he yells, the walls seem to shake from the voracity of his voice. “From the moment I was created, I have been nothing but anomalous, I… I don't belong anywhere, who was I kidding by coming here?” he tears at his hair slightly, now pacing back and forth in front of you. “Did I really think that feeling would suddenly fix the void within me? that talking to humans would make me normal–“ 

“Yongbok!” you cut him off, no longer capable of bearing the sound of his shaky voice. “Please you are not listening to me!”

“No, you are not listening to me! Look! Look at how ugly I am, look!” he turns around, taking off his white shirt, exposing his butchered back to you. “Look at everything that haunts me, please look at it, hate me and leave.” 

He pleads, naked and vulnerable before your eyes. He waits for you to deliver the killing blow, to cement the horrible thoughts he bears for his body. 

If it is your voice speaking of how worthless he is then he’d believe it more. 

A pin-drop silence coats the room. Yongbok believes you somewhat vanished from existence. 

And then. Your lips on his back, brushing across the plane of his shoulder in the softest, faintest manner. He almost thinks he’s imagining it, imagining you kissing his scarred skin as if it is a delicate petal, worthy of care. Worthy of admiration. Worthy of love. 

“Is this what you hate about yourself?” you whisper, your knuckles grazing his scars. “Why are you so mean to your body, Yongbok?” your voice shakes. Hot tears pool in his eyes at the sound of it. “ Didn’t it scab its best to keep you alive?”

“You are such an idiot,” you breathe out quietly, your warm palms settling atop his waist. “I won't hate you for this. How could I hate you for this?” 

Yongbok is dizzy, drunk off your voice and the way your touch makes goosebumps ripple across his skin. “How could I hate you when all I see is resilience?” Your lips brush against his back, the faintest kisses peppered down his spine. “When all I see is what kept you alive?” 

Yongbok’s blood has spilled into the first snow of Seoul, what feels like a lifetime ago. But somewhat, it is underneath the caress of your hands that he has felt most exposed.

“So, I am thankful for your scars,” another tender kiss, this time to the nape of his neck. “Otherwise, you would have bled on the snow and I wouldn't have known you. And it’s a horrible horrible thing for me to imagine.” 

Your chin nestles across the plane of his shoulder, your hands wrap delicately around his chest. Can you feel his heart beating wildly? Can you hear it spelling out your name? 

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself, Yongbok. Haven't you been through enough, already?”

It isn’t the thoughts in Yongbok’s head that finally make him breakdown. It is rather the feeling of your chest pressed to his back, your cheek resting across his shoulder, you hugging him for the very first time in existence, you enclosing him in a cocoon of safety the way his wings used to.  

“I’m here. you can cry all you want,” you reassure, soft and comforting. His grief for his wings suddenly seem too far out of reach, the safety of his feathers paling before the safety of you. 

Yongbok doesn’t think as he spins around, as he buries his head in the crook of your neck. You respond swiftly, bringing his body even closer to yours, running your hand comfortingly along his spine. 

He doesn’t mind your fingers grazing his scars, he doesn’t chase off your touch. On the contrary, he craves it, his cells calling out your name, thanking you for all the love you’re giving him. He wishes he could glue himself to you, crawl inside your veins, build himself a nest between the web of your nerves. He doesnt think he could ever survive mourning you. 

“Please— please don’t leave me,” he begs, lost in waves of uncertainty, he thinks that if he holds you tightly you won’t ever disappear from his hands, trickling between his fingers like grains of sand. 

“Don't be silly,” tears fall down your eyes too, landing on his back like dripping wax. You attempt to steady your voice but it still shakes like rattling branches. “Where would I go?”

“What if they take you away from me?”

A flash of white clouds Yongbok’s vision, the cold returns to his body tenfold. He blinks repeatedly, and then he finds himself atop an abandoned rooftop. The blood runs cold in his veins, his heart pausing in his chest as he hears heavy footsteps approaching. Did he place a curse atop himself? Did his worst fear come true as soon as he spoke of it? 

Are you gone?

Oh God, are you gone?

“Yongbok,” a familiar voice speaks, and life resumes its course inside his feeble body.

“Seungmin,” he speaks the name in relief, a breathtaking smile blooming on his face. He sees the scrunch in Seungmin’s eyebrows relax ever so slightly, before a placid look drapes across his face again.

“Why did you do it?” Seungmin asks and Yongbok’s grin falters. 

“Did they send you?” he asks, a hint of apprehension filling his words.

“No, I came to bring you back.”

“What?”

“I will fly you back and you will kneel before them and apologize. And you will vow to never speak to humans again, and it will be forgotten.”

“I don't want to.”

“Why are you— “Seungmin pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance, “they are humans,” he says the words in disdain, as if looking down at them from atop an unreachable altar. 

“I know they are.” 

“They are weak. Driven by things they cannot touch or see.”

“And I love them for it.”

Seungmin frowns. “You’re defending them.” 

“Seungmin,” he sighs tiredly, “why are you doing this?”

“Because I'm trying to help you. This, emotions, feelings, love. It isn't worth the pain they will end up causing you.”

Yongbok scoffs loudly, angrily. “What do you know about love?”

“You think you are special? You think you’re the first angel to go through this? I loved someone too Yongbok!'' Seungmin yells, taking him completely by surprise. “And they had him get in a car accident to punish me for it. I still hear the screeching tires; I still see his skull fracturing against the ground. I had to beg— beg for them to rewind the seconds and bring him back to life. And all for what?” he scoffs, grabbing Yongbok’s shoulders and shaking them. “You are on cloud nine because this is something new for you, you think that those humans would ever accept you? But you are wrong! Tell me, what’s an angel to a human?”

The shout that leaves Yongbok’s throat is a foreign one to his being. “That doesn't matter to me!” he yells, pushing away his hands. “Look me in the eyes, ask me, what’s a human to an angel? I’ll tell you it’s everything. Everything if it’s her.” 

“This will ruin you. They will kill you, Yongbok. She will be your demise.”

“I’d rather die by her hands than live by yours.”

“What if she ends up dying by your hands?” Seungmin speaks calmly, coldly. Yongbok feels the ground give up beneath his feet. “What if in the process of hurting you they end up hurting her, what will you do then?”

“I… they won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I don't love her.”

“Who said anything about love?” Seungmin sighs, shaking his head. He looks almost desolate, somewhat that terrifies Yongbok even more. “You have your answer, I fear they have theirs too.”

Seungmin walks away, pauses, before turning back once more. He hesitates to speak, and in the seconds of silence that ensue, Yongbok discovers how terribly heavy fear is to bear. 

“I’m sorry, Yongbok.”

His tongue is heavy as it moves to ask— “what for?” 

“For the things yet to come.” 

[tsukirecs]

𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭

Pairing: rockstar!jisung x rock journalist!afab!reader, secret lovers, nonidol!au

Synopsis: he was the best and worst part of your job. Because it's always hard to interview your boyfriend and be cool about it.

Warnings: fluff, teeny crack??, reader is good at keeping secrets and jisung is cocky??

A/n: I don't know what I did. Period. Take it or leave it. If there are errors I'm sorry. I'm just a girl. Please note that this is set in the 90's...that type of rock era

The lights are harsh, the camera guy counts down and you slip into your professional persona. You took deep breaths. Your pre- interview routine was in rotation. Brushing through your notes, testing the mic, maintaining eye- contact with your guest. Jisung. Jisung, the lead singer of the band, Dead Rebels sits across from you, sprawled lazily in his chair with that signature cocky smirk. The man you’ve always wanted to meet. The number one man on your bucket-list of interviews. Your celebrity crush. His jeans, leather jacket, and messy curls screamed rockstar chaos. The director gives you a go ahead and you immediately got into character.

“Jisung,” you start, keeping your voice steady. Shoving away any signs of unease.

Pfft. As if you weren’t just tangled up with him in his dressing room an hour ago. Smooth.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had you here, back home, right? Welcome back.” He leans into the mic smiling heavily like he’s been drugged with dopamine. “Why did you guys miss me?” he asked looking directly at you. “The answer to those type of questions is always confidential, c’mon now.” You tried to play along, without your cheeks heating up. Fail. Jisung chuckled, his cheeks puffing up with his smile.

“Alright then. Let’s get into it. What’s the first question, sweetheart.” The crew chuckles at his natural charm, but your eyes subtly widened at the pet name slipping out on air. He’s pushing it. Clearing your throat, you keep it professional. “You are indeed an attraction to many personalities. Your Riot Nights, which was a sensational world tour has just concluded, congratulations on that, and it’s been a massive success. Fans are calling it you’re most electrifying yet. What’s been the most memorable moment for you so far?” Jisung tilts his head, genuinely thinking, then he smiles. “On our last night, the crowd’s energy was insane. The screaming- I swear I could fell the crowd’s adrenaline. It was so addictive. I didn’t even want to leave.” He pauses, then his eyes find yours. 

“The faces were pretty unforgettable too. Some old, some new.” You grip on the mic tightens. You knew he was talking about the fans. You tried so hard to believe that was true, but you know the real him- the one who sneaks into your hotel room after shows, the one who whispers that you’re his against your lips when no one’s watching.  And honestly, it was never meant to end up like this. 

Y/N didn’t start with a microphone in hand and camera’s rolling. Her journey into the chaotic world of rock journalism began with ink- stained fingers, late- night deadlines, a disastrous love life and a relentless passion for music. Fresh out of college with a degree she had landed her first gig in a small but scrappy rock magazine- Sound Riot. With three-star reviews, it was the place where cigarette smoke filles the office, coffee ran through pipes like water and her editors through whiskey while debating the best guitar solo of all time. Of course, she didn’t get to get to the top in an instant, you started at the bottom. Transcribing interviews, fact- checking articles, coffee runs for her selfish co-workers. But she was determined. What she tried to pitch was often rejected but never discouraged. Then, the big break came.

A last-minute cancellation left no one to cover an up-and coming band’s gig at a dive bar. The editor in charge tossed her a notepad and said, 

“You wanna write? Prove it.”

That night, Y/N wrote an article so raw, so full of grit and passion, that it got published- without edits. From then on, she became the magazine’s go to for live concert reviews, artist profiles, and eventually, exclusive interviews. And although she was on print, television came knocking on her door when her natural presence caught the attention of a producer at Pulse TV. She was hesitant at first, but the thought of being able to go face to face with the biggest rockstars of the decade? Impossible to resist. Sure, her first few takes weren’t perfect. But she soon found her rhythm fast, witty and completely unafraid to challenge even the most arrogant frontmen. 

You quickly became a favorite, not only among the company but fans too. For asking real questions instead of the industry fed fluff. For making your guests feel comfortable and at ease with you on tv. For not being afraid to push. Artists respected you for not being a sellout, for knowing true music. By the time she started interviewing the Dead Rebels and Jisung, she had a reputation. The one who asked hard- hitting questions but also made them laugh. The one artists truly wanted to talk to. 

And with Jisung, it was different from the beginning. He played along with your humor, challenged you right back, and somehow just somehow, between interviews, late- night calls, and stolen moments at afterparties, things got personal. What started as a strictly professional relationship blurred into something neither of you could ignore. The industry loved your chemistry on camera- his effortless charm and clumsiness and your sharp wit made every meeting electric. Fans obsessed over your banter, creating theories that maybe he had a thing for you.

They had no idea how right they were.

You’re one of the most respectful rock interviewers, now, although you wrote when you could. Your friendliness with artists made you a big secret keeper, but the most dangerous one you’ve kept? 

You’re in love with a man your supposed to be objectively reporting on. Nothing, absolutely nothing had prepared you foy the storm that was Han Jisung. 

Dead Rebels had just exploded onto the scene with their debut album, Eulogy of the Wild. The band had a rep for backstage chaos and making teenage rebellion poetic. When you were first sent to interview them you expected another ego-driven freak who thought he was larger than life. What you got instead was Jisung- charismatic and entirely too observant for your comfort.

You could’ve sworn he’d never taken his eyes off you. had looked at you like he saw past your façade. Then you kept crossing paths in award shows, backstage events. He’d seek you out and you’d always forget to ask him one or two questions that lingered too long.  

“How does someone like you end up in a job, like this?” he asked once, during a cigarette break on the balcony. Both of you were at another party that you’d forgotten the name of. No cameras followed you this time.

“Someone like me?”

He nodded, leaning against the railing. “You’re too real for this industry. I mean, you don’t just ask questions and shit…you get people. Y’know?” you shrugged. “I like music. I like the truth. Simple as that.” Jisung nodded, flicking ash from his cigarette. “No one’s ever asked me the truth before you did that day.”

And bam!

Phone calls then lasted till odd hours where you talked about anything but work. Sneaking out of parties and events just to spend time together. Songs played only for you, in your hotel room where Jisung let down the rockstar persona and became himself. And then one night he kissed you. Just a peaceful lingering moment in the dim light of your apartment (yes, you had given him your address after he asked nicely more than seven times) with the weight of everything unspoken pouring out.

“This is a bad idea”, you had whispered against his lips. 

“Probably,” he murmured “But I’m still gonna do it again.”

And he did. Again, and again.

Jisung hated secrets and loving you and having to keep you as one was something that pissed him off even more. The media was already obsessed with his love life constantly linking him to models, actresses and fellow musicians.

“You need to stop making vague comments now, people are getting suspicious.” You had said one day, flipping through a tabloid in a hotel room. The headline roared, JISUNG’S SECERT MUSE, WHO IS SHE? Jisung groaned as he took it from her hands. “But I love watching them lose their heads.” You rolled your eyes. 

Ever since they embarked in a relationship there were too many close calls with the paparazzi. And the fights, over secrecy and the constant fear of being exposed. Y/N’s career could be ruined or the band’s image could be shaken. But their love was real. And no amount of cameras, tabloids or industry bullshit could change that.

-

“That’s a wrap!”, someone called out, and the tension in the room snapped as crew members bean moving equipment, conversations picking up around them. And so, the backstage lounge was clogged up with cigarette smoke once again as Jisung and his members lit blunts. Y/N’s heart was still pounding as she slid off her mic pack, the remnants of the interview still hanging as the last of the media crew packed up their equipment. Y/N sat across from Jisung as she handed a crew her mic. He looked at her. 

‘Another illusion well crafted, babe. I’m proud of you.’

You forced a professional smile. “I hope to see you around, rockstar.” You stood, smoothing out your blouse. “You heading out already?” he asked. You glanced over your shoulder meeting his gaze. “Yeah. Early flight tomorrow.” Jisung leaned back on the couch feigning nonchalance, but the way his fingers gripped the armrest betrayed him. “Shame. Guess I’ll be drinking alone tonight.” You smirked, turning back to the door. “Don’t do anything reckless, rockstar.” And you walked out ignoring the way his gaze burned on your skin.

-

 The elevator ride was quiet, save for the classics overhead. You pressed your lips together, steadying your breath. The soft ding signaled your arrival. You walked through the hotel lobby, head down, hood up. You were just another guest walking through. In your pocket your fingers brushed over the room number scrawled in Jisung’s lazy handwriting. When you reached the door, you knocked once. On your attempt to knock again the door cracked open.

There Jisung stood. Fresh out of the shower, his damp hair messily falling over his forehead, droplets still clinging to his skin. He was wearing nothing but a pair of low-hanging sweatpants, revealing the sharp cut of his abs and the intricate designs of his tattoos. The air that wafted out of the room smelled like soap, cologne, and a faint trace of smoke, mixing with the heat from his shower. His eyes flickered over you, slow deliberate, like he was drinking you in.

“You’re late,” he murmured, voice hoarse yet laced with softness. Before you could respond he reached out, gripping your wrist and pulling you inside. The door clicked shut behind you, and Jisung used his other hand to twist the lock.

Your breath hitched as his fingers ghosted over your waist, firm enough to keep you in place. “Had to make it convincing,” you finally murmured, your pulse skyrocketing. His lips curled into a knowing smile. “Yeah?” low and teasing he stepped closer. “Oh, and by the way, that little eye roll earlier? Cute, but they’re gonna catch on one day.”

“And whose fault is that?”

His hands slid to the small of your back. “You make it really hard not to look at you the way I want to.” You exhaled sharply, letting your forehead rest against his. “Jisung…”  

“I know, baby.” He murmured. “Just us. Just for tonight, yeah?”

You answered by closing the distance between you. your lips melting with his, fingers tangling into his hair as he sighed into the kiss- like he’d been waiting all damn day. You both had. For the moments that didn’t always last. With no camera, no prying eyes and no pretending.

I feel dissatisfied with this...I feel like I could've done more. please try to enjoy. I'll do better next time.

Taglist:

@pessimisticloather @pixie-felix @jitrulyslayyed @imagine-all-the-imagines @leeknow-minho2 @imeverycliche @jc27s @necrozica @sh0dor1

Check my pinned if you would like to be tagged!

~kc💗

[tsukirecs]

Sweet | ksj

☆request:

Congratulations on the milestone ! Can we get a Drabble of idol Jin coming back from the military and trying to sort out his situationship with the girl he left behind when he went into the military?

☆pairings: idol!Seokjin x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: idol!au, a bit of angst, fluff and smut

☆warnings: unedited, cursing, explicit content: oral sex (female receiving), fingering, jerking off, protected sex (with mentions of unprotected sex), big dick!Jin

☆word count: 3.5k

☆a/n: i did not expect to write smut in this but here we are haha i hope you guys like this one! i had a lot of fun writing it <3

☆☆☆☆☆

It's so sweet, knowing that you love me Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair It's so sweet

Sweet - Cigarettes After Sex

☆☆☆☆☆

Seokjin hasn’t seen you in ages, his military service whisking him away from…

From whatever his relationship with you was. Not quite a relationship, but more than friendship, Seokjin thinks he was too immature a year and a half ago to understand you. But when you sent him a message two days ago to congratulate him for finishing his service, he figured he should see you.

If only so that he can give you the closure he never gave you. Because he practically ghosted you when he started his service, not replying to your messages after his obligatory training where he couldn’t touch his phone anyway.

He felt bad. Horrible even, but the distance seemed necessary after the words you last exchanged.

After you all but confessed your love for him. 

It was too much too soon, or maybe he truly was just immature then. Because today, as his car is eating the miles to your apartment, he thinks maybe he was wrong. The heaviness in his chest makes it feel so, as does the rain battering his windshield.

Seokjin parks outside on the street in front of your building, glancing up to see the lights are on in your apartment. His hands turn clammy, and he rubs them on his jeans in a failed attempt to dry them.

It doesn’t work, because the second you’re buzzing him in, they become clammy again and he’s too anxious to even think about drying them again. The anxiety only keeps increasing as he climbs the stairs to the second floor, worrying at some skin on his bottom lip, and it reaches a never-seen-before high as he stops in front of your door.

He takes a deep breath to ease his nerves, thinking about the many times he was here before. That night after your first date - a blind date his friend set up for him - when you told him to come home with him.

He should have known then that it was setting your story in a way that wouldn’t end well for you, to go home with you that night.

Seokjin raises his fist, and he thinks his hand is shaking. He ignores it, pretends he’s as confident as always, and he knocks three times, lowering his hand as he waits for you to open. It doesn’t take you long - he wouldn’t be surprised if you were waiting on the other side of the door.

You’re… beautiful. You were back then, but the months apart have done you good, and Seokjin’s throat dries as he just looks at you, his lips parting on a silent vowel. You just stand there, shining like an angel as a small, shy smile lights your features, your eyes crinkling at the corners. 

Seokjin doesn’t believe in love at first sight. Has never believed it, and though today may not be his first sight of you, it surely renders him speechless, his brain emptying until there’s just you.

“Hey,” you greet him, your voice like a melody conjured from a dream.

“Y/n,” he answers, and your name feels right, righter than anything before.

Your smile widens, and you step aside to let him in. He walks in, fully aware of how close your bodies are as you shut the door, but then you move back and he immediately misses your proximity.

What is wrong with him?

“How have you been?” you ask.

“Good,” he replies, swallowing. “Better now.”

He means the words. He means them more than he’s ever meant anything in his life, and he thinks you catch the meaning behind his sentence. Because blush creeps on your cheeks, and your gaze drops to the floor.

“What about you?” he quickly adds, not wanting you to feel embarrassed.

“I’m… good,” you answer, and you let out a small chuckle. “I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”

You’re direct. It’s something he’s always thought was admirable about you, but the revelation hurts, sending a pang through his chest.

“Y/n…” he trails off.

“But you’re here now,” you say, and your smile turns pained, sad.

How many sleepless nights has he caused you?

“I am,” he says, voice small. “I’m sorry.”

“I get it.” You shrug your shoulders. “You were busy with your service, it’s not like it was easy to maintain a…” You never finish the sentence, even though Seokjin waits patiently for you to say it.

For you to acknowledge that it was just a situationship, that maybe you both just played each other.

“I really am sorry, though,” Seokjin insists, looking down at his shoes. “You did not deserve that.”

You nod once, your gaze trailing to the side. “Then, can I ask… Why did you want to see me?”

His heart stops in his chest. He’s still struck by the sight of you, barely unable to form coherent sentences, but you deserve an explanation.

You deserve closure, if that’s what you want.

“I thought…” he trails off, wets his lips before continuing, “I thought you deserved closure.”

You take a deep breath. “I don’t think it’s necessary.”

He thinks you’re dismissing him. It feels like you are, like you’re telling him to leave, but he just stands there, drinking your features in.

Choking on the hurt he knows he’s caused.

“I really apologize, Y/n,” he adds, voice barely above a whisper. “You did not deserve the radio silence. I… I kind of thought it would be better for you, that you deserved better than being stuck with someone that was going to be gone for months.”

“You could have just said so…” you point out.

Seokjin sighs, his gaze dropping to the ground in shame. “I know. I was stupid, and I was immature too. Which is bad considering I’m in my thirties now but… yeah. I’m really sorry.”

You don’t say anything for a time, the silence getting heavier with every second passed. Seokjin meets your gaze, and he wonders if you can tell how guilty he’s been feeling. He thinks you might, because you wet your lips, glancing to the side, and then you say, “You came all the way here to say this?”

He nods. “You deserved better than a text message. When you texted me two days ago, it reminded me of all the good times we’ve spent together.” The truth comes to the surface, and Seokjin whispers it, afraid he’s going to scare you away. “I’ve missed you, Y/n.”

The world must have stopped turning. Time must have stopped, because you just stand there unblinkingly. He’s not sure you’re even breathing. But then slowly, like the first sun rays in the morning, a smile spreads on your lips. 

You’re beautiful, too beautiful, and Seokjin can’t believe he got scared last year. He doesn’t think there’s anything scary about the woman standing in front of him.

“And you think I’ll just forgive you like this?” you ask even though you’re smiling.

It’s like a stab to the chest. His heart aches, and Seokjin doesn’t know what to reply. He’s aware he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, but he wanted to give you his truth.

“I don’t think I deserve it, honestly,” he says. He gulps around a sudden lump in his throat, glancing around your apartment if only so that he can commit it to memory. “But I have missed you. I’ve felt guilty about it for months, but didn’t know how to approach you. Didn’t think you’d want me texting you out of the blue. I just… When you reached out, I just couldn’t let you go without at least having apologized.”

You nod, leaning against the wall as if your legs can’t support you anymore. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He reckons he’s losing you. Not that he really had you to begin with, but Seokjin thinks he’s losing you, and it hurts more than he ever thought it would.

“Of course.”

There’s another silence of lingering heaviness, and then you nod your head. Push up from the wall and walk in your apartment, sitting down on the couch. You offer him a small smile, patting the spot next to you.

“Come in,” you tell him. “Let’s catch up.”

He widens his gaze, not really believing what you just said. But then again, he knows you’re a forgiving person - he’ll make sure you don’t regret your decision.

And he doesn’t think you do. No, you spend the rest of the afternoon chatting, with you telling him all about your work and that annoying coworker that used to get on your nerves last year too. It’s easy, filled with smiles and laughs and reminiscing, and when you invite him for dinner, Seokjin decides to cook for you.

He doesn’t want you to lift a single finger for him, not when he wants to make it up to you. And he thinks he does, to a certain extent. You’re beaming by the time you’ve finished eating, telling him that you missed his food the most, and Seokjin complains that you only like him for his food. You just laugh it off, and then tell him that he’ll have to cook a thousand more meals for you.

Call him crazy, but he knows he will. He’ll cook every meal for you if that means he gets a chance with you again. One that he promises to himself that he won’t fuck up. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t make a move tonight - he tries to respect you, to respect the fact that you might need a bit of distance from him before you want to be with him like that again.

He thinks it was the right decision. He thinks it was worth the weeks of waiting before you kissed him for the first time again, in a different setting this time. At his own apartment, after you’ve had his Jajjangmyeon. You kiss softly, by the door, and Seokjin wonders if you can hear the wild beats of his heart in his chest.

You have to. Because you lay a hand on his chest right above his heart as you pull away from the kiss. You’re smiling, your cheeks slightly flushed as you look between his two eyes. And then you say, “I want you tonight.”

Seokjin doesn’t need to hear more. He cups your cheeks, stealing a languid kiss on your lips as you wrap your arms around his neck. Your fingers brush the strands of hair at the back of his head, and then you tug on them a little.

He grunts, pushing you back towards the door. He lifts you up, and you wrap your legs around his waist, bringing your heat dangerously close to his dick. He’s already getting hard, blood shooting down from his heart to his cock, and he grinds into you, swallowing the soft moan you let out.

A second later, you tease his bottom lip with your tongue, and Seokjin lets you in, getting drunk to the taste of you. He’s so high with the taste of you that his mind is elsewhere - he doesn’t know how you make it to his bed. All he knows is that, ten minutes later, you’re splayed out on his bed like his own personal feast, and the sight of your glistening pussy makes him go feral.

He kneels between your thighs, hooks your legs on his shoulders before leaning closer, lapping your juices up. You make a breathy sound he remembers from every night he couldn’t sleep during his military service, instead thinking about how much he missed you.

You taste good. You taste sweet and salty, a perfect mix to his senses that makes him forget everything else but you. He circles your clit with his tongue, teases the bundle of nerves before he goes back to your entrance, pushing his tongue in once. You moan, one hand finding his hair to tug at the strands, and you instinctively grind in his face. Seokjin flattens his tongue to let you do it, to let you seek friction on the wet muscle, and then he unleashes himself, eats you out like you’re his last meal on this Earth.

You’re panting already, alternating between mewls and moans by the time he pushes a finger inside of you, fighting against your already tightening walls. They relax when he sucks on your clit, and he takes it as an opportunity to push another finger in, curling his digits to hit the right spot inside of you.

After all, he knows he needs to stretch you out before he’ll be able to fuck you. You’re on the smaller side, and he’s… bigger than a lot of guys, so you do need the stretching. And he’s pleased to oblige, circling your clit, flicking it until your walls start spasming on his fingers. Not even a heartbeat later, you’re coming, his name on your lips in a sinful cry as he rides you through the orgasm, going feral with the sounds you make, and mostly with the taste of you.

His chin is covered with your juices by the time he sits back on his heels. He licks his fingers clean as you watch him through half-lidded eyes, and then he grabs his discarded shirt from the side - he barely remembers getting naked - to wipe his face dry.

You’re naked too. A literal goddess sent from above to grace him with your presence. You’re everything he could have ever wished for, and he still can’t understand how stupid he was last year.

To think he could have had you during the rare breaks from his service… 

He was stupid. Stupid, foolish and everything in between, but at least he’s here with you now.

“Wow,” you let out, a small chuckle falling from your lips. You’re visibly fucked out, yet you still manage to rock his world as you reach for his dick, giving him a squeeze. “I want you.”

Shit.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you start stroking him.

“So big…” He grunts at your crude words. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about sex with you for weeks, Jin.”

He looks around, searching for his pants. They’re over by the door, a lot farther away than he imagined they would be. It feels far, too far, considering he’s already nestled between your legs.

“What?” you let out, and you grip him tighter.

He feels it in his balls. He hasn’t had sex in forever - you being the last one before his service - so obviously he knows he won’t last. He’s so horny he thinks he’d be able to come all over your stomach if you keep jerking him off. But he stops you, gently wrapping his hand around yours to restrain your motions.

“Baby,” he breathes out. “Shit, let me grab a condom.”

“You don’t want to fuck me raw?” you tease, biting at your lower lip. “I haven’t had sex with anyone since you.”

The words please him far more than he thought they would. It feels like, maybe, you were his all this time too.

He says your name like a warning, but you only smirk mischievously.

“Afraid I’ll get pregnant?” you add. “Don’t you think we’d make pretty babies?”

You would. He knows damn well you would and it wouldn’t even be because of him. It’d be all you - your beauty is incomparable. 

“As much as I want to get you pregnant one day,” Seokjin replies, moving away from you. He misses your hand on him the second you let go, but it’s for the best. “I don’t think we are there yet,” he continues. “But I promise I’ll fuck babies into you one day.”

You close your thighs instinctively at his words as if you’re still searching for friction.

As if you didn’t come on his tongue just a minute ago.

It doesn’t take Seokjin a long time before he’s put a condom on, discarding the package in the trash can next to your bed. You’ve just been watching him, and he kneels back between your legs, his balls already tightening in anticipation.

He rubs his tip on your folds, collecting the glistening juice. Your mouth falls open on a silent moan, especially as he moves to your clit. One of your legs twitches from oversensitivity, or at least he assumes it’s because of that, and he aligns himself with your entrance.

“Let me know if it hurts,” he tells you.

“Don’t you remember how well I could-”

Your words are cut short as Seokjin pushes in, your walls sucking him in slowly and surely until he bottoms out, some of his dick still sticking out of you. You just look at him, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, and Seokjin licks his lips, saying, “You were saying?”

“I’ve missed this.”

Your words ring in his mind, on and on, erasing everything that he is to build him anew, to build him in a way that finally allows him to be with you. His heart fills with warmth, exploding like fireworks, and he bends down to capture your lips in a kiss that means more than words ever could. 

He doesn’t move for a while, warming his cock in you while he just keeps on kissing you, not even stopping for breathing. It’s like he doesn’t need it - hell, he thinks all he needs is you. And you kiss him back with so much passion he thinks this is it, he’s reached nirvana.

The feeling perseveres as he slowly pulls his hips back, before pushing forward again, the motion making his entire body tingle with pleasure. He swallows your soft moan, grunts in your mouth as your pussy clenches on him. Your hands are on his back, in his hair, and the second you pull on the strands again, he lifts his head, meeting your gaze.

“You feel so good,” you praise, eyes sparkling.

He smiles softly, pecking your forehead, and then he kneels back to take in the sight of you as he slowly fucks into you, spearing you open. The sight of your pussy swallowing his dick is indecent in the best way, and he progressively increases the rhythm, making sure not to hurt you.

He wouldn’t forgive himself if he did. So he fucks you gently, faster and faster but never hard, not until your hands find his thighs, your nails digging into his skin. He grunts then, swearing underneath his breath, and then says, “I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“Jin, it’s okay,” you let out. You smile, wetting your lips. “Just fuck me.”

He lets out what could be considered as a whine, and then his motions grow rougher. He stops himself after a few thrusts, and you meet his gaze, looking slightly annoyed that he stopped.

“You have to tell me if it hurts, okay?” he says as he cups your cheek. 

You smile softly, nodding once. “I will, I promise.”

Once the reassurance is finally uttered, Seokjin finally lets himself go, fucking you like his life depends on it. You’re soon moaning loudly, and he has half a thought that his neighbours might hear. But then again it turns him on even more to know he’s the one making you scream like that, and he’s soon moaning with you, praising you as he slowly feels his climax nearing.

But he wants you closer when he comes. Wants to feel you in his arms, to feel his skin on yours. So he leans forward again, caging you between his arms as he keeps fucking you into the mattress. Your nails soon scratch at his back, leaving marks he knows he’ll have to hide but can’t bring himself to care about.

“Fuck, Jin,” you moan, and his head drops in the crook of your neck.

“I’m going to come,” he says, and you wrap your arms around his neck, holding him close as the high finally hits him, and he releases loads and loads of cum in the condom. 

He thinks he’s floating. He’s just a leaf floating away on a small lake, unbothered by the world. His whole body feels so light, and the only thing tethering him to the present is your arms around his neck.

He’s never come this hard before. 

“You okay?” you ask as you rub his back.

He grunts, trying to lift his head but failing. “Holy shit.”

You laugh lightly, and the crystalline sound is what finally brings him back down to Earth, what has to be minutes later.

“Wow.” He chuckles, pecks your lips. “That was amazing.”

You smile, your fingers drawing idle shapes on his back. “It was.”

Seokjin meets your gaze, taking a moment to observe the feelings swirling behind your irises, deep in the depths of your eyes. The emotions are like northern lights, swishing and shining and more beautiful than anything he’s ever seen before.

This time, Seokjin doesn’t get scared. This time, he takes the emotions in, knowing that they are reflected in his own gaze. And though you haven’t told it to each other, he knows that you love him.

And more than that, he knows that he loves you, too.

☆☆☆☆☆

hope you guys liked it:) let me know what you think about this one shot! love y'all <3

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[tsukirecs]

— sweet and spicy [m] | ksj.

◦ summary ↠ studying with your tutor should be simple, but distractions can lead to unexpected lessons. who knew cramming for exams could get this... heated? (requested by anon)

◦ pairing ↠ seokjin x reader

◦ word count ↠ 5.9k

◦ genre ↠ fluff, smut

◦ content warning(s) ↠ tutor!seokjin, student!reader, suggestive/explicit content, dirty talk, penetrative sex, ejaculation, f. and m. orgasm, oral sex, a lot of making out, unprotected sex, handjob, tit sucking

a/n: this is for the anon that requested a oneshot with seokjin and his lovely lips <3 ik you said kinda spicy but i accidentally made it very spicy lol, hope you don't mind!

masterlist

The clock on the library wall ticked in perfect sync with your growing anxiety. You had been staring at the same problem for ten minutes, the numbers on the page blurring together into a mess of indecipherable hieroglyphics.

“I’m going to fail,” you muttered under your breath, slumping further into your seat.

Your professor’s voice from last week echoed in your head: “You should really consider a tutor. It might help clear up some of the confusion.”

And now, here you were, waiting for your supposed savior to arrive and pull you from the depths of statistical despair.

The door creaked open, and you glanced up just in time to see him step inside.

“Sorry I’m late,” the newcomer said, setting his bag on the table with a soft thud. “The café line was longer than I thought.”

He was tall, dressed in a cozy gray sweater that looked as soft as a cloud, and his black-rimmed glasses perched perfectly on the bridge of his nose. But what truly caught your attention—against your better judgment—were his lips. They looked… soft. Pink. Kissable, even.

“I’m Seokjin,” he said, his voice warm and smooth. He offered a smile, and oh, that just made it worse. His lips curved in the kind of way that could make angels weep.

You snapped out of it, suddenly realizing he was waiting for you to introduce yourself. “Oh! Uh, hi. I’m—um—Y/N.”

He nodded, pulling out a notebook and pen. “Alright, so what’s giving you trouble?”

“Everything,” you admitted, gesturing dramatically at your textbook.

Seokjin laughed, the sound light and easy, but your eyes betrayed you and flicked to his mouth. The way his lips moved when he laughed—it was almost hypnotic. You mentally slapped yourself. Focus. You’re here to pass this class, not ogle your tutor.

“Okay, let’s start simple,” he said, flipping through your textbook until he found a page filled with diagrams and formulas. “Here’s a problem. Walk me through how you’d solve it.”

You nodded, trying to focus on the numbers. But Seokjin leaned closer to point something out on the page, and suddenly, your brain short-circuited. His lips were so close you could see the faintest shine of lip balm.

“So, what do you think?” he asked, looking at you expectantly.

You blinked. “Huh?”

He tilted his head. “The problem?”

“Oh, uh…” You scrambled to come up with something that didn’t sound ridiculous. “Yeah, I… totally get it now. Thanks!”

His brows furrowed, but the corners of his mouth twitched like he was trying not to laugh. “Really? Because you just wrote the wrong formula entirely.”

Your face flushed. “Oh. Right. I was just… testing you?”

Seokjin laughed again, the sound sending your heart racing. “Sure you were. Don’t worry, I’ll explain it again.”

By the third time Seokjin explained the problem, you had made some progress. But honestly? Your brain was running on fumes.

"See? It's not that bad," he said, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied grin. "You’re getting the hang of it.”

You managed a weak smile, still hyper-aware of the way his lips moved with every word. How was it possible to explain statistics and look that good doing it? It should’ve been illegal.

"Yeah, sure," you replied, tapping your pen against your notebook to distract yourself. "I mean, I still hate it, but at least it makes… slightly more sense now."

Seokjin chuckled, his shoulders shaking just enough to make his sweater shift in the most distracting way. You were about to tell yourself to get it together when he suddenly leaned forward again, his elbow propped on the table and his chin resting on his hand.

"So," he said casually, "why did you really sign up for tutoring? You don't seem like the type to give up easily."

You froze. Was he teasing you? His tone was light, but his eyes held genuine curiosity.

"Um," you stalled, trying to come up with a reasonable answer that didn’t involve your professor practically begging you to get help. "I guess I just… wanted to make sure I didn’t fail? You know, for my GPA."

He nodded thoughtfully, and for a moment, you thought you’d gotten away with it.

"Fair enough," he said. But then his lips quirked into a smirk. "But you might want to stop zoning out so much during our sessions if you really want that GPA to survive."

Your face burned. "I don’t—" You cut yourself off, realizing how defensive you sounded. "I’m not zoning out."

"Really?" he said, tilting his head. "Because every time I look up, you’re staring at me like I just said something in Greek."

"Maybe it’s because statistics is Greek," you shot back, desperate to steer the conversation away from your very obvious distraction.

He laughed again, and this time, it was louder, filling the quiet library room. His laughter wasn’t polished or quiet; it was unfiltered, almost boyish, and far too contagious.

“Well, maybe I should start explaining in actual Greek,” he teased, closing your textbook with a soft thud. “Or we could call it a day. You’re making progress, but your brain looks like it’s about to overheat.”

You opened your mouth to protest but realized he wasn’t wrong. “Fine,” you said, leaning back in your chair. “But next time, you’re bringing snacks. Brain fuel and all that.”

Seokjin raised an eyebrow, his lips quirking into a smirk. “You’re really bold for someone who just admitted to hating this entire subject.”

“And yet,” you shot back, gathering your things, “you’re still tutoring me. So, who’s the real fool here?”

His laughter bubbled up again, softer this time, and you felt a small swell of pride at having made him laugh. It was quickly replaced by a flutter of nerves when he reached over to tap the corner of your notebook.

“Same time next week?” he asked, his voice a little quieter.

“Yeah,” you said, suddenly feeling warm under his gaze. “Thanks, Seokjin.”

He smiled, a soft, almost shy thing, and nodded. “Anytime.”

The following week, you found yourself looking forward to tutoring. Not because of the subject (God, no), but because of him. Every time you walked into the library and saw him waiting there, his glasses perched on his nose and a soft smile playing on his lips, it was like a little jolt of electricity.

This time, Seokjin greeted you with a coffee cup and a small bag of pastries.

“Fuel,” he said, holding them out. “For the overworked student who claims to hate stats but keeps showing up anyway.”

You blinked at him, surprised. “You actually brought snacks? You know I was just kidding.”

He shrugged, but there was a faint blush dusting his cheeks. “I thought it might help. Plus, bribery works wonders for focus.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re dangerous, you know that?”

“Only when I have pastries,” he replied, sliding one toward you.

For the next hour, you worked through problems, your frustration ebbing slightly thanks to the sugar and Seokjin’s patient explanations. Still, your focus wavered every now and then—especially when he leaned closer to check your work, his glasses slipping down his nose just enough to make your heart race.

“You’re doing better,” he said, his tone genuinely impressed. “See? I told you it wasn’t hopeless.”

“Maybe it’s your teaching,” you replied without thinking, and then froze when his ears turned pink.

“Maybe,” he said softly, his gaze flicking to yours for just a moment before he cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s try this one.”

But as the session went on, you noticed it wasn’t just you who seemed distracted. Seokjin kept fiddling with his pen, his eyes lingering on you a little longer than usual. When he leaned closer to point something out, you thought you caught him glance at your lips before quickly looking back at the page.

By the time the session ended, your heart was pounding, and you weren’t sure if it was from the stats or something else entirely.

The next morning, an email from Seokjin had come in.

Hey, just a heads-up—I’m not going to campus today, but if you still want to meet, we can do the session at my place. Let me know if that works.

It had taken you all of five seconds to reply.

That’s fine, I really need this session. Text me the address.

And now here you were, standing outside Seokjin’s apartment with your notebook clutched to your chest and a slight flutter of nerves in your stomach.

You knocked twice, and within seconds, the door swung open.

“Hey,” Seokjin said, his usual soft smile in place. He was dressed in a simple hoodie and sweatpants, and somehow he looked even better like this—comfortable and casual, with his hair slightly tousled as if he’d just run his hands through it.

“Come in,” he said, stepping aside to let you in.

His apartment was small but cozy, with warm lighting, a neatly arranged bookshelf, and a faint scent of coffee lingering in the air. There was a laptop open on the coffee table and a few notebooks stacked beside it.

“You didn’t have to bring all your stuff,” he said, eyeing the books tucked under your arm.

“I didn’t know what to expect,” you admitted, setting your things down on the table. “But I’m not taking any chances with finals week coming up in a couple weeks.”

He chuckled, gesturing toward the couch. “Well, you’re in luck. I even made coffee. Or tea, if that’s more your thing.”

You sat down, trying not to notice how close he was when he joined you. The couch wasn’t exactly huge, and the way his knee brushed against yours when he shifted sent a jolt through you.

“Okay,” he said, pulling a notebook onto his lap. “Let’s start with the practice problems I sent you last week.”

At first, it was just like any other session—him explaining concepts, you trying to keep up. But the proximity was impossible to ignore. Every time he leaned over to point at your notebook or correct something, his voice seemed lower, softer, and his presence far too distracting.

“Almost,” Seokjin murmured, his hand brushing yours as he reached for your pencil. “You just forgot to divide by the total here.”

You froze, watching the way his fingers wrapped around the pencil. They were long and elegant, and when he looked up, his face was only inches from yours.

“Oh,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes flicked to yours, and for a moment, the air between you felt heavier. You could see the faint pink on his ears again, the way his lashes fluttered just slightly when he blinked.

“Here,” he said, pulling back and clearing his throat. “Try it again.”

You nodded, forcing yourself to focus on the problem. But as the session went on, the tension only grew.

At one point, you leaned over to grab your eraser from the table, and when you straightened up, your shoulder brushed against his. It was such a small thing, but the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of his hoodie lingered.

“Sorry,” you muttered, though you weren’t sure why.

“No, it’s fine,” he said quickly, his voice a little tighter than usual.

By the end of the session, you were both more relaxed—or at least pretending to be. The stack of practice problems had dwindled, and Seokjin leaned back against the couch, stretching his arms over his head with a groan.

“You’re actually getting good at this,” he said, his voice teasing but genuine. “See? Told you stats wasn’t impossible.”

“Only because you’re a good tutor,” you replied, surprising yourself with how easily the words came out.

Seokjin paused mid-stretch, his eyes meeting yours. There was something unreadable in his expression, but it disappeared quickly as he smiled.

“Thanks,” he said, sitting up again.

The conversation might’ve ended there, but then you noticed a small smudge of ink beside his cushiony lips—probably from when he’d been jotting down notes earlier.

“You’ve got…” You hesitated, gesturing vaguely at your own face. “Ink. Right there.”

“Where?” he asked, frowning as he touched his cheek, missing the spot entirely.

“Here,” you said, leaning forward without thinking. Your hand brushed against his jaw as you wiped at the smudge with your thumb, and you felt him go completely still under your touch.

When you realized what you were doing, you froze too, your eyes locking with his. His gaze flicked to your lips, and for a second, you thought he might close the distance between you.

“Got it,” you said quickly, pulling back and trying to ignore the way your heart was pounding.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his voice lower than before.

The rest of the session ended in a flurry of awkward goodbyes and hurried packing, but as you left his apartment, you couldn’t shake the memory of how close you’d been—or the way his lips had looked in that moment, soft and impossibly inviting.

After the first session at Seokjin’s apartment, the two of you fell into a new rhythm. Instead of meeting at the library, you started alternating between your places. It was more convenient, and though neither of you said it out loud, it felt… comfortable. Familiar. Like a natural evolution of whatever this was between you.

For your next session, Seokjin arrived a few minutes early, balancing a bag of takeout in one hand and his ever-present notebook in the other.

“You didn’t have to bring food,” you said, stepping aside to let him in.

He shrugged, setting the bag on your coffee table. “Consider it payment for making me leave the house on a Saturday.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled, sitting beside him on the couch. As the session began, you noticed how different it felt having him here, in your space. The way he looked so at ease, leaning back against your cushions, his long legs stretching out in front of him.

At one point, you got up to grab your water bottle, and when you came back, Seokjin had a mischievous grin on his face.

“Do you always study with a giant stuffed bear on your couch?” he teased, holding up the plushie you’d forgotten to hide.

Your face burned. “It’s comfortable, okay?”

“I’m not judging,” he said, his grin widening. “I’m just saying, you could’ve warned me I’d have competition.”

You groaned, grabbing the bear from him and tossing it aside. But the playful banter eased the tension, making the session feel more like hanging out than studying.

By the time you’d finished the practice problems, Seokjin stretched his arms over his head and let out a dramatic sigh.

“Okay, enough stats for one day. My brain is fried,” he declared.

“Yeah same,” you sighed before raising an eyebrow. “Is this how you treat all your students?”

“Only the ones who threaten to fail without me,” he shot back, smirking.

Your next session was set to be at your apartment again, with Seokjin arriving at your apartment looking as put-together as ever. You were already flustered—having barely managed to shove your laundry into a basket to make the place look semi-presentable.

"Don’t judge," you warned as he stepped in, glancing around your living room.

“I’m not,” he replied, amused. “I’ve seen worse.”

The session went smoothly enough, but at some point, Seokjin needed a pen.

"Do you have another one?" he asked, looking up from his notebook.

"Yeah, let me grab one!" you said, heading toward your desk.

Before you could, though, Seokjin leaned over the arm of the couch to grab your backpack—and froze, pulling out an article of clothing instead.

"Uh…" His voice trailed off as he held it up—a lacy, bright-colored bra that you’d obviously forgotten to hide.

You whipped around, horrified. “Oh my God, Seokjin, put that down!”

But instead of being embarrassed, he smirked, dangling the bra by one strap.

“Well,” he said, his tone teasing but his ears betraying him with a hint of redness, “I didn’t know tutoring came with such… unexpected discoveries.”

“Stop!” you yelped, lunging forward to snatch it from him.

He laughed, holding it just out of reach. “Is this what you’ve been distracted by during our sessions? Should I start dressing fancier to compete?”

“Seokjin, I swear—”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he relented, handing it back to you with a grin. But the way his eyes lingered on your flustered expression made your heart pound.

“Next time, I’m hiring a professional tutor,” you muttered, stuffing the bra into your laundry basket.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Sure you will.”

A couple days later, Seokjin had invited you over again, this time for a movie. Although, if you were being honest with yourself, the movie was probably the last thing on either of your minds.

"Okay, so you’re telling me you’ve never seen this movie?" Seokjin asked, holding up the DVD case like it was a sacred relic.

“Not everyone’s a walking encyclopedia of rom-coms,” you shot back, leaning back against the armrest of his couch.

“It’s not just a rom-com,” he argued, waving the case in front of you like it was the most important thing on the planet. “It’s a classic. You’ll thank me later.”

With a dramatic sigh, you gave in, letting him pop the DVD into the player. Soon enough, you were both nestled comfortably on his couch, a bowl of popcorn between you.

The movie started off fine enough, but as it went on, your attention started to wander. Seokjin’s proximity—the feeling of his body so close to yours, the way his arm rested casually along the back of the couch, his knee brushing against yours whenever he shifted—was far more distracting than the plot.

The soft glow of the TV illuminated his face, casting gentle shadows across his features, making him look even more attractive. His lips, soft and slightly parted as he laughed at some of the jokes, became the sole object of your focus.

"You’re quiet," he murmured during a lull in the movie, glancing at you sideways with a teasing look.

"Just… paying attention," you mumbled, not daring to look at him.

"Are you, though?" he teased, shifting slightly to face you. "Because you’ve been staring at me for the past ten minutes."

Your face immediately heated up. “I have not!”

“Hmm,” he hummed, clearly enjoying your reaction. His smirk widened as he leaned in just a little closer, his face filling your vision. “You sure about that? I wouldn’t mind.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you couldn’t help but look at his lips. His voice had dropped a few notches, and his gaze softened, no longer playful but searching—waiting for something unspoken. The noise of the movie faded as the tension in the air between you two thickened, heavy and palpable.

“Seokjin,” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath.

“Yeah?” His voice was soft, but the way he looked at you—intent and steady—sent a shiver down your spine.

Your eyes darted to his lips for just a moment, and that was all it took. His playful smirk faded, and his expression shifted to something far more sincere, far more urgent. Slowly, his hand lifted, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face before lingering near your cheek, his touch light but warm.

Then, without a word, he closed the distance. His lips met yours in a kiss that started gentle, tentative, almost like a question. You froze for a split second, heart racing, but your body moved on instinct. Your hands gripped the front of his sweater, tugging him closer as the kiss deepened.

The movie continued in the background, but neither of you were paying attention anymore. Seokjin's hand slid to the back of your neck, fingers threading through your hair as he pulled you closer, his lips moving against yours with more urgency. You kissed him back, eager, your body instinctively pressing against his.

His thumb traced the curve of your jaw, then moved to your lips, caressing them softly before slipping back into the kiss. The sensation was intoxicating—electric. You could feel his heart racing against yours as his lips grew more demanding, his kisses coming faster, deeper.

The soft glow from the TV flickered across his features, making everything feel dreamlike, surreal, as if this moment wasn’t really happening. His hand slipped to your waist, pulling you toward him until your bodies were flush against each other. The heat of his chest, the firmness of his body, left you breathless as you melted into him.

Then, just as the kiss grew more heated, a dramatic swell of music from the movie blasted through the speakers, breaking the spell.

Seokjin pulled back slightly, his lips barely an inch from yours, eyes dark with desire. He glanced toward the screen, looking a little amused before turning back to you.

“We won’t be needing this anymore,” he murmured, his voice low as he reached for the remote, never breaking eye contact. The click of the TV turning off was the only sound in the room now, the sudden silence making everything feel more intense.

Before you could even process what had just happened, Seokjin leaned in again, his lips crashing into yours with renewed fervor. His hands found their way to your back, pulling you even closer, if that was even possible. His lips were hotter now, more demanding, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

Your hands roamed up to his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt, before you slid your hands into his hair, tugging him closer. He groaned against your lips, his fingers digging into your back as the kiss deepened further, passion igniting between you. The sensation of his lips moving against yours—of his body pressing closer to yours—made your head spin.

You could feel his hands exploring your body, his fingertips brushing the curve of your side, making your breath hitch. His mouth never left yours, the kiss turning into something desperate, almost frantic, as if neither of you could wait any longer. Seokjin’s breath was shallow, his chest rising and falling rapidly as you both lost yourselves in the kiss.

Your bodies were tangled in the soft cushions of the couch now, the world outside fading into oblivion. Every kiss, every touch, felt like an invitation to something more.

Seokjin finally pulled back, his forehead resting against yours, both of you breathing heavily. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, his voice husky with desire, his thumb brushing along your jaw.

You nodded, trying to catch your breath. “I’m more than okay,” you whispered, your voice shaky but full of longing.

Seokjin’s eyes searched yours, his thumb still brushing along your jaw as if grounding himself in the moment. Just as you opened your mouth to say something, a glance at the clock over his shoulder made your heart drop.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, sitting up abruptly. “I have class in fifteen minutes!”

Seokjin blinked in surprise, then let out a soft laugh. “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not!” you exclaimed, frantically gathering your scattered belongings.

He leaned back against the couch, arms draped casually along the cushions, watching you with a grin that made your heart race all over again. “You sure you don’t want to skip? I mean, we were in the middle of something really important.”

You shot him a glare, though the heat in your cheeks probably made it far less intimidating. “Nice try, Seokjin. I can’t fail this class because of you.”

“Fair,” he conceded, standing to walk you to the door. But as you reached for the doorknob, he tugged you back, planting a quick, heated kiss on your lips that left you breathless. “Hurry back when you’re done,” he murmured, his voice low and teasing.

From that day on, a pattern emerged. Every time you came over—whether to study, watch a movie, or just hang out—the two of you would inevitably end up tangled together, lips locked and breaths mingling. It didn’t matter if it was before or after you hit the books; somehow, the boundaries between tutoring sessions and heated makeout sessions blurred until they were almost nonexistent.

It became your guilty pleasure, a secret routine that neither of you dared to acknowledge aloud. And then, finally, the day of the exam arrived.

You walked into the lecture hall with butterflies in your stomach and left with a grin you couldn’t contain. A 91! You had passed, and not just barely—you’d crushed it. The first thing you did after checking your grade was text Seokjin, your fingers flying over the keyboard as you told him the news.

His response was instant: Come over. We’re celebrating.

You didn’t need to be told twice. Within minutes, you were at his door, and before you could even step inside, Seokjin was pulling you into his arms, his lips crashing into yours.

“Congratulations,” he murmured against your lips, his voice warm and full of pride.

But there was no time for further words. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened, his lips moving against yours with a hunger that sent sparks shooting down your spine. You barely registered the door closing behind you as the two of you stumbled into the apartment, too caught up in each other to care.

His hands roamed over your body with an urgency that made your heart race, slipping beneath your shirt to explore the bare skin underneath. You tugged at his hoodie, eager to feel more of him, and he obliged, pulling it off in one fluid motion before his lips found yours again.

This time, there was no stopping, no holding back. The couch cushions were a familiar backdrop as Seokjin pressed you down, his body warm and solid against yours. His kisses grew deeper as his fingers dipped beneath the hem of your shirt, his eyes flicking up to yours for permission. When you gave a small, almost imperceptible nod, he didn’t hesitate.

With a swift motion, he tugged your shirt up and over your head, tossing it onto the floor. His eyes darkened as they roamed over you, lingering on the lacy bra you’d decided to wear that day.

“Well, well,” he murmured, his tone teasing as his fingers ghosted over the edge of the fabric. “You wore this? Almost like you were expecting to celebrate.” he teased, his fingers grazing the edge of your lacy bra. His smirk was back, though it softened as he leaned in, brushing his lips against your collarbone.

“Shut up,” you managed, breathless and flustered, though the way your hands gripped his shoulders betrayed your eagerness.

Your face burned, and you tried to turn away, but his hand cupped your chin, gently guiding your gaze back to him. His grin widened, clearly enjoying your flustered state.

“I wasn’t—” you started, but he cut you off with a laugh.

“Relax,” he said, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “I’m not complaining. In fact…” He leaned in, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. “I think it’s perfect.”

His mouth moved lower, leaving a trail of soft, open-mouthed kisses along your skin, his hands sliding up your sides as he explored every inch of you. When his lips finally returned to yours, the kiss was deeper, hungrier, his body pressing against yours as if he couldn’t get close enough.

Your hands found their way to his shirt, tugging at the fabric until he got the hint and pulled it off. You couldn’t help but let out a soft gasp as his arms wrapped around you, pulling you even closer.

“Still think I’m the one who expected this?” you teased, emboldened by his reaction.

Seokjin paused, his lips hovering over yours as he chuckled, low and rich. “Oh, I definitely did. But I’m glad you were prepared too.”

With that, he captured your lips again, the playful banter melting away as the moment grew even more heated. The air between you was thick with desire, every touch, every kiss igniting a fire that neither of you wanted to put out.

As the kiss deepened, Seokjin's hands roamed over your body, his fingers tracing the curves of your waist, the swell of your hips. Your own hands were just as busy, exploring the contours of his chest, the broadness of his shoulders.

The room around you melted away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the heat of the moment. The darkness was almost palpable, a living thing that wrapped itself around you, holding you close. You felt like you were drowning in Seokjin's eyes, those piercing brown orbs that seemed to see right through to your very soul.

And yet, even as you felt like you were losing yourself in him, you knew that this was exactly where you wanted to be. This was what you had been waiting for, what you had been hoping for all along.

Seokjin's lips left yours for a moment, and he gazed down at you with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. "I want to see all of you," he whispered, his voice low and husky with desire. "I want to touch every inch of your skin."

You felt a flush rise to your cheeks as he spoke, but you couldn't help the way your body responded to his words. You nodded slowly, and Seokjin's eyes flashed with excitement.

With gentle fingers, he reached behind you and unfastened the clasp on your bra. The straps slid down your arms, and Seokjin's eyes widened as he took in the sight of your bare skin. He reached out a hand and cupped one breast in his palm, his thumb tracing circles around the nipple until it hardened beneath his touch.

As Seokjin's hands continued to caress your breasts, his mouth descended upon them, his plump lips wrapping around one nipple with a gentle reverence. The softness and fullness of his lips were almost distracting, making you wonder how something so visually appealing could also feel so incredible. He kissed the nipple softly, his lips molding around it as he sucked gently.

He switched to the other breast, giving it the same attention, his lips tracing circles around the nipple before wrapping around it again. The sensation was exquisite, and you felt yourself arching your back, pushing into his touch as he continued to kiss and suckle your breasts.

After lavishing attention on your breasts, Seokjin's mouth began to kiss down your stomach, his lips tracing a path of fire along your skin. With each kiss, you felt anticipation build within you. He teased you with each touch of his lips, getting closer and closer to the heat between your legs but never quite reaching it. The suspense was deliciously agonizing.

Finally, Seokjin returned to your lips, kissing them with a fervor that left you breathless. His tongue danced against yours as he deepened the kiss. He didn't stop there; his mouth wandered to your neck, leaving behind a trail of hickeys as he sucked and nibbled on the sensitive skin.

"Your lips are so fucking perfect," you whispered into his ear, running your fingers over their full shape in awe. "They feel as good as they look."

Seokjin chuckled low in his throat but didn't stop kissing and sucking on your neck. After a few moments of this sensual assault on your senses, he pulled back slightly and whispered against your earlobe.

"Enough of my lips; time to see what yours can do."

With that tantalizing promise hanging in the air between you like an unfinished challenge waiting for resolution - Seokjin stood up from where they had been sitting together on couch pulling both pants & boxers all way down letting them pool at feet before taking seat once more now fully exposed

You got onto your knees between his legs spread wide and proceeded to give him a blow job. You began by licking his quivering length, taking its head into your mouth. You started sucking gently, gradually increasing suction pressure and movement speed.

Your hand rose to begin stroking his shaft up and down while continuing to suck on it, your fingers wrapped tightly around base, moving in the opposite direction of your head bobbing. You made sure to pay special attention to the ridge just beneath where the head of his cock meets the shaft, knowing the extra sensitivity there.

As you continued to stroke and suck, Seokjin's eyes remained locked on yours, besides when he'd occasionally draw his head back in rawr pleasure. His hands rested on your head, gently guiding the pace but letting you set the rhythm. The sensation of his fingers in your hair, combined with the taste and feel of him in your mouth, was incredibly erotic.

You could feel his excitement building, his breathing getting heavier, and his muscles tensing under your touch. Encouraged by his reactions, you deepened the suction slightly, moving your head in a steady bobbing motion while your hand continued to stroke the base of his shaft.

Seokjin's moans filled the air, soft at first but growing louder as he neared climax. His hands tightened in your hair, not pulling but applying gentle pressure as if urging you on without wanting to disrupt the perfect rhythm you'd established.

Just as it seemed like he was about to come, Seokjin suddenly pulled back, his chest heaving with exertion. "Not yet," he whispered hoarsely, "I want to come inside you."

He gently helped you up from your knees and led you back to the couch. This time, as he sat down, he pulled you onto his lap so that you were straddling him. The position was intimate and vulnerable at the same time.

With deft hands, Seokjin guided himself into you, filling a void that had been aching for fulfillment since this encounter began. As he entered deeper into you, your warmth enveloped around him fully. Everything else faded away, leaving only the sensations between two people completely lost within another.

The movement started slow but was soon quickened, as he grew more desperate. The two of you lost track of the time or your surroundings, solely existing in the moment of moving bodies seeking release.

As the movements became more rhythmic and intense, the connection between you and Seokjin deepened. Every thrust, every sensation, seemed to be amplified.

Your hands were on his shoulders, his around your waist, holding you close as you moved together. Seokjin's eyes locked onto yours, filled with raw desire. Yet, there was also a tenderness there, a care that made this feel like more than just a physical act. It was as if he was seeing into your very soul, and you into his.

The pace quickened, the intensity building until it felt like everything was going to shatter apart at any moment. But instead of fear or anxiety, there was only anticipation - a desperate longing for that release.

And then, in an instant that seemed to stretch out forever, it happened. Seokjin's body tensed beneath yours, his muscles hardening as he came inside you. The sensation triggered your own climax, waves of pleasure crashing over you like a stormy sea.

For what felt like an eternity, you just sat there, wrapped in each other's arms as the aftershocks of pleasure continued to ripple through your bodies. It wasn't until your breathing began to slow that reality started seeping back in - the feel of the couch beneath you, the sound of your heartbeats slowly synchronizing back into separate rhythms.

Seokjin's arms loosened their hold on you slightly but didn't let go. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed your forehead softly before whispering against your skin.

"Looks like all our hard work paid off. Congrats on passing, beautiful."

a/n: wahoo! feel free to leave feedback, hope you all enjoyed!

masterlist

[tsukirecs]

𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝙸𝚃 𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚂

☾ ⋆*･ Pairings: Meteorologist! Jin x Fem!reader

☾ ⋆*･ Synopsis: after many failed relationships you find yourself struggling to open up to new connections but once you overhear that your timid colleague Seokjin has a crush on you, you set out to play a game of temptation where somewhere in the process, you come face to face with the sudden realization that the weather is not the only unpredictable thing.

☾ ⋆*･ Warnings: SMUT! workplace/office au, Jin is quiet and innocent until he's not, fingering, oral sex! ( M! receiving ), dirty talk, creampie ( hehe) , teasing, unprotected sex, hair pulling, hardcore, a bit angsty ( im an angst slut leave me alone ) , foreplay , slight dom/sub dynamics, kissing, biting/marking, we will pray Y/n gets her life together.

☾ ⋆*･ Authors note: I wish I could tell you what I've done but this is what my brain produces when I'm on 5 hours of sleep.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ Word count: 10 K ( for what reason?)

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Ever since you were conscious you would often find yourself lost in the sky - entrained on the sun, the moon, and the stars but most importantly on the weather. Even before you could walk You wondered what caused thunders to ripple through the clouds, worried over the sun that disappeared during rainfall. You were fixated, overly obsessed and it is what had led you to become a research meteorologist and whilst some found the profession to be boring and fruitless (your parents), there was nothing in the world that you loved most then to predict cloudy skies and cold nights. Being able to observe, understand, and therefore explain the earth's atmospheric phenomenons offers you a sense of gratification.

On the other hand you couldn’t say you ran with the same luck when it came to love and relationships, your long list of exes and failed talking stages were enough scientific evidence to prove that. Things just never ended well between you and whoever fate decided to send your way. you could never decipher if it was due to the lack of communication, lack of interest, or a little bit of both that prevented you from harvesting anything solid with those you fell in love with but it always left you high and dry. It wasn’t like you were a hopeless romantic either, yet the instincts you had when it came to forecasting sunny skies were just not there when it came to romance.

To put it bluntly, your relationships just didn’t last and it had brought you to a point where you questioned all your romantic interactions.

How long will this one last? How long until this one ends? Will we see each other in public and turn the other way?

It's why you struggled to get your feelings across most times, it's why you found it almost impossible to tell that certain person who sat across from you at work how he made you feel.

The timid and reserved Junior meteorologist didn’t catch your attention at first, always keeping to himself and rarely participating in any after work activities with your co-workers, which had made it almost impossible for you to even notice him. that was until 3 weeks ago during a mandatory work dinner. Whilst on a small bathroom break you had unintentionally walked into a game of truth and dare between your colleagues where by perhaps fate you had eavesdropped on the confession of that very same drunken man.

You had opted to feign ignorance, slipping back into the table as if nothing had happened all whilst deciding to commence a cruel game against the meek man. You would find yourself teasing him, subtly flirting until his cheeks turned red and his words turned into stutters. At first it was a childish fun ruse but as time progressed you found yourself looking in his direction more often, entranced by his smile and quiet charisma.

You were doomed and yet, it didn’t stop you from taunting him. small winks and little comments of how good he looked in his baseball caps and soft sweaters, causing him to often jolt as a response. It was harmless until it wasn’t, until you started imagining him between your legs, his large and skillful hands wrapped around your neck.

“for fucks sake” Daiyu, your best friend and colleague huffed as she ran towards the entrance, her freshly styled copper hair drenched with rain that poured from the sunny sky. You giggled, closing your umbrella and entering the building, your heels squeaking against the marbled floors. Daiyu followed after you, a trail of curses falling from her mouth whilst her hands frantically wiped at her wet clothes.

“I always tell you to carry an umbrella and you never listen” you sighed.

“It was a 30% chance!” she exclaimed, reaching to frantically press on the elevator button.

“I should sue you guys” Daiyu groaned.

You looked back at her, taking in her flustered and soaked appearance, deciding not to pass further judgment. Daiyu was as stubborn as a bull and anything that you chose to say would just  go  through one ear and out the other anyways. you reached into your purse and grabbed a napkin, extending it out for her to take. She snatched it urgently and dabbed on her face, emitting a groan of frustration at the inconvenience the sky had caused her.

“It was so sunny and warm outside” she complained, which caused you to laugh loudly, both of you stepping into the elevator as the doors slid open.

“Looks can be deceiving Daiyu” you noted, watching as the doors closed in front of you.

Daiyu smirked, disregarding your statement and focusing on the current situation you were in. her mind going back to the late-night conversation you both had shared 2 days ago over wine and expensive cheese. She leaned over closer to you, her eyebrows teasingly raising while you shared a bewildered expression on your face.

“what?” you asked, concerned with her inquisitive glances.

“I guess the same thing can be said about Jin,” Daiyu winked, a hint of excitement in her tone. She goaded you to speak on the subject, but you rolled your eyes in response.

“I bet he is a real beast in the sheets” Daiyu raised her eyebrows.

“Daiyu please, this is not the time or place to have this conversation” you scolded - eyes fixed on the numbers that flashed on the small screen above the elevator panel. 

“I guess you are deceiving - look at you all serious now like you aren't torturing that poor man.”

“Daiyu” your eyes widened and she was lucky you were both alone in the elevator - out of hearing range of any nosy employee’s. 

“I didn’t share that with you so that you can hold it over my head” you snapped, making a quick escape as soon as the elevator doors opened.

“oh come on!” she shouted after you, the sound of her heels echoing inside the office as she chased after you, her arm interlinking with yours when she caught up. you didn’t intend to avoid the topic, in fact you found it relieving to be able to speak to someone freely about it but what Daiyu was trying to indicate with her previous statements were by far completely illogical. 

Jin was but a shy and reserved guy, not the kind that tried to deceive by putting on appearances. 

How else was he able to contain himself by your constant teasing and flirting, if he wasn’t.

“we will talk about this later” you declared, giving her a soft shove towards her desk. Daiyu pouted, providing you a saddened glance whilst reluctantly dragging herself to her desk where she threw herself into her chair in rather dramatic defeat. You giggled at the scene she produced and walked across the room, reaching your own desk.

Seokjin was already there, too focused on the screen in front of him to notice your arrival. You took this time to take in his appearance. the sweater he wore accentuating his biceps and broad shoulders, the pair of glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose causing a pulsation between your thighs - lured by the image of him crawling over you with them on. You cleared your throat quickly, grabbing his attention and interrupting your perverted train of thought.

He glanced up at you, cheeks already turning pink as he took in your presence.

“Good Morning Mr. Kim” you whispered, offering him a smug smile whilst sliding into your chair. It took a moment for him to respond, his eyes briefly falling on the low v neck blouse you decided to wear today (one of your many little tricks of course). His lips parted, a gulp traveling down his throat. He quickly removed his eyes from your accentuated breasts, dragging his attention back to his screen.

“G-good Morning” he stumbled on the phrase, his tone quiet and faint.

you smiled out of satisfaction, unable to suppress the butterflies in your stomach that only he managed to make flutter. Seokjin is sexy in the most subtle ways; he doesn’t even try and yet he could make you squirm in your seat like a schoolgirl. His full lips, his deep intense eyes, and dorky smile kindled a pressure in your lower abdomen that you often tried to conceal by crossing your legs. 

“I like that color on you, you look good” you complimented, offering Jin a small smirk.

Jin glanced down at his sweater, his hands smoothing out the cashmere deep blue material. He had liked the color, had even thought it was a nice sweater when he first picked it out at the store but having its tincture complimented by you now, gave it a new feeling - it felt softer against his skin.

“thank you” he almost muttered.

You nodded happily, bringing your hair into a ponytail as you always did when beginning the day. Jin’s eyes hesitantly trailed your exposed neck, carving out the smoothness of your skin and studying each detail of the necklace that hung there - soon halting at the sight of your lips, a breath hitching in his throat. 

“You like what you see, Mr. Kim?” you asked, your eyes sparking with the realization of his discreet stare.

Jin sat up,your voice startling him out of his daze - his eyes now looking in every direction but yours.

“cause you can see more if you want, you just have to ask” your voice was a mere whisper and Jin could feel every hair in his body stand up from your tone alone. There was a long silence, your eyes intensively studying his composure. He moved his attention back on his computer screen, deciding it would be best to ignore the comment that made his heart run laps inside his chest all together.

“Hey Jin” you called, his eyes quickly moving back to you with hesitation.

“I'm only joking” you lied.

You would've allowed him to see your entire soul if he had just asked.

The day had turned sour rather quickly, the entire office thrown into a frenzy by the threat of an incoming spring storm and it had left you running in circles all throughout the building, your heels beginning to jab into your feet painfully- leaving your soles red and sore. You groaned, stepping into the cafeteria for the first time in the day, finally allowing yourself a small break amidst the hysteria. You needed coffee and you needed it fast. Your heavy eyes scanned the cabinet in search for your favorite mug - propping yourself on your toes for a better view. 

“Where the hell did I put you?” you muttered under your breath, your hands pushing away various mugs in an attempt to find the deep emerald one you always used. Your shoulders ached, weighed down by the tumultuous day and your eyes burned, the result of staring at your computer screen for 4 hours straight. Not finding your mug would be the last straw, the drop of water that would make you spill over. You groaned loudly and leaned against the counter, your hand flying to cover your face in frustration while you balanced from one foot to the other, trying to ease the ache shooting up your legs.

“Are you looking for this?” a quiet and familiar voice asked.

You raised your head slowly, capturing a view of the man standing in front of you, your mug held comfortably in his hand. Exhaustion creeped through your body, leading you to bubble with irrational anger but as you prepared to berate the individual who had seized your precious mug, you took a moment to study their fingers, soon realizing they were the hands you melted over ever so often, concluding who the culprit behind the theft was.

Jin offered you a concerned glance, his profound sepia eyes blinking slowly as if expecting a response. You remained silent, losing yourself in his stare. the ache on your limbs suddenly evaporating for those short seconds, a wave of serenity settling deep inside of you. you shook your head slowly, unable to break eye contact as he made time stop around you.

All urgency to resume your pending tasks halted whilst you stood in front of him - The buzzling in the office growing quiet as your eyes slowly traced his features.

“I can wash it out if you want, I’m done anyways” Jin offered, a small smile forming on his face.

Your attention crawled to his mouth, inspecting his plump and soft lips, lips you wanted to press yours against, lips that were smeared with the cold foam of his coffee, foam you imagined on other parts of his body for you to lick.

“n-no, it's okay” this time it was you who stuttered; it was you who grew flustered.

The room fell silent as you remained stunned by his intense stare, your mind flowing with ideas that were neither appropriate nor sane. You were in deep shit, and you knew it, your heart pressed against your chest begging to jump into the hands of the man standing before you whilst your mind yelled that he was like everyone else, like every guy you had ever met. The one with the soft eyes and quick lies.

“You uh have something” you gestured to his mouth, making him aware of the leftover foam on his lips.

He lowered his head in embarrassment, his hand quickly flying to wipe away at his face. his eyes trailed away from yours, causing you to inhale sharply.

“Did I get it?” he asked, turning back to you. His cheeks still flushed with shame.

You inspected his lips once again, taking in their smoothness and soft pink color, pictured them gracing your skin softly - leaving their imprint on your skin.

“Here I’ll-” you offered, reaching forward and closing the gap between you both. you leisurely wiped away at the top of his lip with your thumb, removing all the residual foam left there. His lips were warm under your touch, your breaths growing short and unruly due to the sensation.

You could feel his stare fixed on you as you aided him, your cheeks becoming rogue at the sudden intimacy of the situation. Jin’s mouth parted as if he had wanted to say something but even if he had you doubted you would have been able to hear him over the hammering of your heart. The euphoric feeling dazed you out of all self restraint - luring you to act upon your intrusive thoughts .

you found yourself losing yourself in the sea of brown that were his eyes again, knowing you could drown and subsequently, dipped your foam covered thumb into your mouth without a second thought.

You collected the sugar that had once rested on his lips on your tongue and allowed it to rest there. A pleasure filled hum echoing from within your chest - your eyes fluttering shut at the satisfaction the fulfillment of your craving caused. You remained stuck there, your brain unable to generate anything but utter bliss. 

“hey! Is there any creamer lef…”

The voice of the intern entering the cafeteria was like cracking thunder, your body jerking as a life vest was being thrown at you, aiding you from going under. Your eyes shot open in realization, body tensing at the action you had just mindlessly committed but Jin didn’t appear to be as startled as you, his eyes firmly held on your lips. It felt like your whole body was on fire and it was only then when you noted the damp fabric of your panties pressed against your clit. 

Both you and Jin turned your heads quickly, eyes landing on the intern who stood shocked by the door, his mouth held ajar. You blinked quickly; your brain unable to register what had just taken place. it was as if everything inside you had been electrocuted and you couldn’t even find the strength to defend yourself against the silent accusation the interns eyes made.

You dreadfully took a step back from Jin, lowering your gaze once he looked back at you - you cleared your throat quickly before stumbling out of the shared space. The sound of your heels leaving echoes inside of Jin’s head.

You had deduced 2 things from that brief encounter. The first being you and Jin were beyond screwed - interns liked to talk, liked to share and gossip didn't take long to spread within the office and secondly, that being alone in a room with Jin was dangerous, far more than you had anticipated.

“Yup, it's been sent to the group chat” Daiyu nodded, pushing a spoon full of yogurt into her mouth.

You sighed, covering your face in agony.

As expected the details of your little encounter with Jin had been shared all throughout the office with the intern taking quite the creative liberty of disclosing details you were sure never happened. You groaned loudly, pushing your food away. 

“Oh god” you whispered, “we work together, you know I can lose my job right?” you stared at her, wide eyed but your friend didn’t join your panic, instead a small giggle escaped her lips and your eyebrows intertwined in confusion.

“Do you find this funny?” you yelled, throwing a balled-up napkin at her head.

“Hey! Let’s use our words” she laughed, causing you to throw your head back in defeat.

“What did you think was going to happen Y/n? Jin is a man and you are a woman - i'm surprised you haven't humped in the janitors closet yet” she mused. 

You pressed your hands against your temples, trying to stop yourself from imagining the both of you doing the mentioned act. 

“Relax, it’s not that bad” she responded, “besides their just rumors, okay?” you knew she was trying to calm you, trying to bring you back from the trepidation you had been succumbing to during the last few days but her words didn’t offer any relief, anxiety running through your entire body quickly and mercilessly.

“you know I almost believed it but then he added that Jin had his hands wrapped around your waist and I had to debunk it” Daiyu shared, swallowing the yogurt in her mouth “cause we both know that boy would simply combust if he even graced his finger tips against your skin.”

You shot bullets in her direction, how was she able to make a joke out of all of this when you were literally falling apart? your job on the line, your reputation. Everything you had worked so hard to get and maintain all down the gutter for a man and Yet, there wasn’t even a hint of regret in your thoughts, in fact the only reason why you were so stressed out in the first place was for the simple fact that you were caught,caught doing something so frivolous and yet the whole office was in an uproar about it.

If you knew you would be at the brink of getting fired over lingering stares and kinship, you would’ve at least given yourself the liberty of kissing him.

“Hey, you are in your head again” Daiyu yelled, snapping her fingers in your face. you blinked in her direction and sighed, turning away once again.

“Can this get any worse?” you complained.

“I think it just might,” Daiyu winced.

You glanced back at her and turned your head in the direction of her widened eyes. The director had stepped into the cafeteria, and he was walking straight to you. you felt your body tremble, your brain preparing for the worst. You quickly stood up, your entire nervous system beginning to shut down.

“Ms. Y/n” he greeted, you stood completely still, unable to bring any air into your lungs as your knees threatened to collapse.

“Mr. Han,” your voice trembled.

Daiyu stood up quickly, putting down her yogurt and offering your boss a 90 degree bow before standing up straight, giving you a panicked glance.

“Ms. Y/n do you have a moment? I would like to go over some things in my office” your heart dropped, your palms clammy. You soon became very aware of every vein in your body, pulsating strongly against your skin.

your throat went dry, sandpaper rubbing against the other as you tried to form a coherent response.

“I uh I – yeah”

He turned quickly without another word, his steps firm and demanding, you followed behind him like a lost puppy, glancing back at Daiyu; your eyes brimmed with tears. she attempted to give you a smile through her concerned expression but even her movements faltered when she offered you a thumbs up. You were screwed, you had gone too far in your little game and now you were facing the consequences.

The walk back to Mr. Han’s office felt eternal, passing coworkers who stared and mumbled amongst each other. You were dragging your feet at this point, your heart plummeting into despair the closer you got to his office. In retrospect you didn’t feel contrition towards the event that had taken place, one does not lament over things they enjoyed but now was not the time for you to ponder on the things you did or didn't regret.

one word from your boss and you would be sent packing with all of your hopes and dreams.

You entered his office quietly, brain swarmed with negative thoughts - predicting the words that would soon empty from his mouth.

‘YOU’RE FIRED’ 

The unspoken yet inevitable words rang inside your ears - tears swelling in your eyes out of mere anticipation. 

You let out a long breath, hoping that for a second it could appease your mind but it was no use, you were a nervous wreck and it was evident by the way your boss stared at you whilst he sat behind his desk. You decided to solve math problems in your head, a method that most times distracted you from distressing situations but as you began to find the answer to your first algebra problem you felt a presence next to you and when you glanced over, your legs buckled.

“please take a seat guys” your boss requested.

You tried to move your limbs, but your feet were stuck to the ground, eyes fixed on Jin whilst he avoided your gaze and pushed out his chair taking a seat as instructed. He didn't greet you as he tended to do nor did he give you one of his famous small introverted smiles you often looked forward to. It was as if you weren’t even there but you were and it was as if he couldn’t care less. 

Ouch…

he was tense, you could see it and It was all your fault. you were fucked, royally fucked. Your shaky hands reached for your own chair, hesitantly slipping next to him.

“I can assume you know why I’ve asked the both of you here” Mr. Han began, your stomach somersaulting painfully. You glanced over at Jin who remained silent, not a speck of anxiousness in his demeanor. Why was he so relaxed? Had he just accepted his fate? Your face contorted with conflict and then turned to face your boss, a long weighed sigh leaving your body.

“I want to apologize, I know that it wasn’t ethical and I assume full responsibility-“ you began rambling, your mouth going painfully dry. your boss stared back at you like you had 3 heads and your voice faded into thin air, further apprehension spreading inside of you.

“Y/n, I can attest you are really good at your job but why are you apologizing for the weather?” Mr. Han chuckled. you blinked slowly, unable to understand his words.

“huh?”

“look, we might be facing a storm soon and I want to send a group of you over to our headquarters in Yeosu, they will be hit the hardest and in all honesty they need all the help they can get”

Relief and embarrassment flow through you as his intentions are made clear. you let out a small nervous giggle struggling with the intrusive desire to slap yourself across the face.

“I can go on my own,” Jin interrupted, and you quickly turned to him. his face cold and expressionless, your stomach dropping once again and all those bad feelings that had previously  swallowed you, began eating at you all over again.

“I'm sure Ms. Y/n  here has a lot of work on her plate and I'm sure I can do most of the work myself.”

His words were rational, made sense even but you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking this was just the aftermath of the rumors that had been spreading. You understood him, being spoken about and stared at when most times all he wanted to do was go about undetected must’ve been uncomfortable, albeit it made your insides twist.

“oh i'm sure you are more than capable but there will be a lot to cover and I just don’t think you’ll be able to manage.”

“Then give me a team, Ms. Y/n can stay here with the others - I'm sure we will need coverage here too” Jin insisted. you couldn’t bring yourself to protest. It was probably the best idea. You didn’t want any more rumors to spread about the two of you, not when it made Jin treat you like this. The game was over - no longer did you find amusement in your actions, instead you started to regret toying with him in the first place. it was immature on your part and you wanted nothing more than to apologize for your childish ways.

“I can understand your consideration of Ms. Y/n but it wasn’t a request” Mr. Han stated, causing chills to go down your spine.

“the train tickets have been purchased, you will be departing tomorrow morning” your boss concluded.

Jin stood up first, walking out of the room without another word. You followed behind quickly, your head spinning in circles as you tried catching up to him. 

“Jin” you called, but he kept his pace - not bothering to look back at you.

“Jin” you repeated, your voice much louder this time. 

His steps slowed, a sigh falling from his lips before he turned to look at you - you couldn't make out the stare he held once his eyes met with yours but it made you feel like shit. This entire ordeal was making you question the kind of person you were and for the first time since you had begun playing mind games with the man, you had realized how fucked this entire thing was. 

“How can i help you Ms. Y/n” his tone had always been reserved but this time it was different - you could feel the chill from a mile away. 

“I just wanted to say I'm sorry” you breathed. 

“Okay” he answered. 

“Okay?” you questioned, taken aback by his response. 

“Okay” Jin reaffirmed before he spun around and left you standing alone and confused in the empty hallway. 

The train ride had been 3 long painful hours and even though all your colleagues had slept peacefully, including Daiyu who snored into your ear the entire trip you hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Jin. He avoided you like the plague the entire way to Yeosu. Putting on his headphones when it was only the two of you awake, making sure he was the first to exit the train once it arrived, and when you entered the shared home you and your colleagues would be staying in for the longevity of the trip, he intentionally chose the room furthest away from yours.

You decided to just let the situation be, there wasn���t anything you could do now and besides, it didn’t appear like he even wanted an apology. Maybe, seeking him out would only make things worse.

“Have you talked to him?” Daiyu asked, setting up a small satellite on the ground to assist the tracking of the storm.

“no” you muttered, writing down notes in your notepad “and quite frankly I don’t intend to Daiyu.”

“oh come on, we will be here for 2 more days and you guys are just gonna what? Pretend the other is not there? It's making me and everyone else uncomfortable” she complained.

“And what other options do I have? I tried to apologize but he just said okay, like what even is that? okay?!” you huffed with frustration.

“he even stayed in when we said we would go out for drinks” you whisper, the topic alone distracting you from the data you were collecting. The memory caused an ache in your chest, an ache that you didn’t like. It was a faint soreness that had accompanied you many times before, during nights of heartache and rejection, so imperceptible yet debilitating.

“The kid likes you, we know he likes you, you know he likes you, and you like him” Daiyu shrugs “why are you dragging this?” her tone was annoyed but she held a smile on her face.

“it's more complicated than that and you know that” you responded, rolling your eyes.

“ugh whatever keep eye fucking him for all I care” Daiyu groaned.

“Are you all done here? I'll wait in the car” you yelled, taking quick steps away from Daiyu.

“hey! We need to make sure it's stable!” Daiyu yelled out but you ignored her, pretending to be too far to hear her curses.

As predicted the storm had arrived ferociously. Wind ripping through the city, rain pouring harshly - turning the sky opaque. Your dry and pained eyes stared at the computer screen in front of you as you wrote yet another report, racing against mother nature in an attempt to keep up with the current weather. You hadn’t slept in the last 24 hours and the toll it had left was visible. The only thing keeping you awake being the loud crackles of thunder tearing into the sky. 

You had been locked in your room all day and you had no intentions on stepping out.

The rest of the group with the exception of Jin had left to track the storm, giving you hourly updates on the current situation and the damage the storm was leaving in its path. Knowing you were alone with him in the same house left an anxious haze in your system.

You allowed your eyes to flutter shut for a few seconds, giving them some moisture but your mind wandered to another place, drifting deeper into your consciousness - within the darkness of your tightly shut eyes you envisioned Jin’s capable hands. touching, roaming, rubbing. You retracted the image of his mouth, of his tongue. Sliding, licking, pulling. And then there it was, the pooling between your thighs, the pressure under your navel.

Your eyes opened quickly as another thunder rolled through the sky, bright lights seeping through your half-opened blinds, dragging you away from your salacious contemplations.

You needed to clear your mind, to provide your brain another task to focus on before it began to rot. An impulse surged through you, your body rising from the chair it had made a home out of and stepping out into the dark house. What was the worst that could happen? For Jin to ignore you? He was already doing that anyway.

Your steps were soft as you made your way to the kitchen, a cup of chamomile tea sounding delicious at the moment, it would help you fall asleep and above all it would shake away the anxiousness that gripped you. your mouth watered with the idea. 

Aside from the small creaks the foundation of the old home made against the strong wind outside- everything else was completely silent. The gray evening sky offering the only source of light throughout the space.

You reached into the coverts and pulled out a kettle, which you filled with water and set on the stove to boil. Your eyes wandered out the window, concerned with the raging weather that apparently had no intentions on stopping. You were worried for your team, hoping they had found shelter, and you were also worried about running into Jin. all the bravery you had suddenly found in those short seconds when you first decided to leave your room quickly fading away. you blinked slowly, trying to rid yourself of the exhaustion pressing on your body.

 You made mental plans of a warm shower and then finally some rest, if the thunder allowed it.

If your Jin ridened brain would allow it.

There was another crackle in the sky and then the sliding door in the dining room opened and slammed shut, your whole nervous system jolting as a loud scream escaped your mouth. you turned your head to access the damage the wind had probably caused but your made out a figure standing by the door. A drenched, heaving figure. You blinked rapidly, ensuring it wasn’t your imagination and once your brain awakened from its internal slumber you realized that the person standing there, dripping wet from head to toe was Jin.

“Jin?” you exclaimed “are you okay?”

Your feet moved quickly towards him, mind racing with weariness at the sight of him. His presence left a puddle on the floor, his rain slicked black hair stuck to his forehead. He nodded slightly, wanting to avoid further questioning. You reached into the closet nearby and pulled out a clean towel. 

He was shivering, mouth trembling as he stood there in complete silence.

“What were you doing outside? It's dangerous out there” your voice was stern, but you weren’t trying to reprimand him. Jin was a grown man, and you were sure he was aware of the current climate.

“I had forgotten my camera” he simply explained, holding up the canon T7 camera for you to see.

“Gosh, let me help you” you sighed, taking fast steps towards him. your mind was racing with ways you could help him, concerned with his well-being however once you were closer, all those thoughts stopped – paused by the view in front of you. Jin’s black t-shirt was glued to his body, the imprint of his torso visible through the wet material. His face dripped droplets of water as he stared at you with those eyes that you habitually melted over and you weren’t sure if it was due to the rain outside, but his skin appeared to glisten, accentuating the veins that crawled down his forearms and down his hands.

This wasn’t the time to look, to peer like you often did, not a moment to tease but your eyes couldn’t help trail down to his sweats that now due to the weight of the water they had absorbed sat just below his waist, his underwear peeking above them.

You cleared your throat, attempting to remain focused whilst your hands tended to the shivering man in front of you but once the towel touched his skin, his hand came up to grip yours. You looked up at him quickly, your brows knitting with concern. His eyes pierced through you and you recalled the reason why the both of you hadn’t spoken this entire time, remembered the way he had avoided you at all costs.

“don’t do that” his tone was low, a heaviness within it that you had never heard him use before.

“do what?” yours quivered, a crack forming at the last word.

“don’t provoke me,” Jin stated.

The ache returned inside your chest, the one that you hated so much and you felt weak. Your eyes faltered, blinking away from his gaze with a heavy sigh.

“Jin, I want to apologize again, I shouldn’t have-“ you began, unable to recognize the softness in your words - a knot embedding itself in your trachea.

“What are you apologizing for?” his expression was that of confusion and you felt intimidated. The question leaves you disoriented.

“what?” you asked.

“you shouldn’t apologize if you aren’t sorry.”

“but I am” you stood on those words, truly feeling culpable of the situation you had created due to your lack of self control, due to your habit of complicating things but Jin’s words held different meaning which you had missed due to your lack of sleep,or perhaps it was because you couldn’t concentrate on anything else besides the bulge that pressed against his drenched sweats.

 Jin was teasing you.

He stepped closer, his chest now mere inches from yours. His towering build caused you to become very aware of how tall he really was, you didn’t speak another word as the room suddenly shrunk 3 sizes, your breath trapped inside of your rib cages.

“I take pride in the kind of man that I am” he muttered, leaning his face towards yours. “im respectful – a well mannered man” Jin’s eyes trailed down to your lips and he watched them intently as they parted slightly. 

“I am a civil man” he whispered, his hand rising to caress the skin of your cheek softly - erupting goosebumps everywhere inside of you. the shy and concealed man you had come to know had disappeared, leaving no traces of innocence – his stare flickering with lust. His thumb smoothed over your mouth and you could feel your heart rumble within your chest, your body trembling with each outlet of air.

“but you continue to toy with me, you appear in my dreams where I find myself doing the most indecent things to you” the confession made you lean into his touch, the realization of how good his hand felt pressed against your cheek eliminating all hesitation “it makes me question what a gracious man like me can do.”

“Jin” you trembled, body running feverishly warm as you bore into his eyes.

His hand traveled to the back of your head, his fingers intertwining with strands of your hair and he pulled, firmly but yet not hard enough to cause pain – your mouth opened as a whine traveled through your throat but before it could escape; his lips landed on yours.

 his tongue twisting away the small complaint.

It felt like a dream, like it wasn't real and for a second you wanted to pinch yourself – you wanted your alarm to go off so that you could wake up because it felt too real and dreams like these often brought you utter disappointment. Jin ran his hands against your body, his cold touch leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

You could feel your arousal dripping against your panties, the exhilaration of his mouth and hands on you leaving your mind hazed. Jin’s hand trailed under your tank top, his fingers gracing your stomach as they dragged themselves towards your breast, your small whimpers pouring into his ravenous mouth. His hand went under your bra where his fingers found your nipples, rubbing them lightly. your body leaning into his as a consequence. You both stood so close now and yet, it didn’t feel like enough.

You wanted to melt into him, wanted to feel him everywhere all at once – until you couldn't breath, until you were louder than the storm outside.

Small moans left your lips, urging him to lose all control and you could tell he was reaching his breaking point when his hips jerked forward, his erection pressing against your thigh. You leaned away from his lips, eyes meeting at the sudden action. You tugged at his drenched t-shirt and he allowed you to remove it, lifting his arms up in the air. Your eyes trailed his skin as you exposed it, inch by inch.

He was gorgeous, not a trace of imperfections on his soft pale skin – his shoulders were so broad and you pictured your legs stretched over them, giving him full access to the part that pulsed sorely in-between your thighs.

His hand reached for your hair once again, pulling your head back - his tongue traveling up the valley of your neck. your eyes fluttered shut, mouth releasing short sighs as he bit and nibbled on the tender skin. You felt like your skin was on fire, cheeks burning due to the lack of oxygen his mouth was causing. It was a  high you wanted to be in at all times.

 you had misread Jin entirely. This man was capable of destroying you, the evidence in the way your body trembled under his attention.

His hand slipped from under your shirt, finding the hem of your pajama pants and guiding his hand inside. Your mouth falling completely open once his slender fingers reach your clit, quivering in anticipation. He palmed you through your panties slowly, allowing your wetness to spread across the crutch of your panties.

“mhmm so warm” Jin groaned almost painfully.

He licked his lips as he stared into your eyes, darkness enveloping them the longer his hand remained inside of your pants, you knew you were completely fucked, he had you right where he wanted you.

 a thought arises from within the deepest part of your mind that perhaps, he was the one toying with you all this time. testing how far you would go to bring him to this point.

“Jin” you moaned “I want to uh.”

“What do you want to do?” he asked, arching his brow at your broken request.

You couldn’t concentrate but you were sure of what you wanted, of what you wanted to do to him. you reached forward, your hand finding his rock hard dick - giving it a slow pump. It quivered under your touch, urging you for more. Small groans fell out Jin’s mouth, the hand intertwined with your hair pulling back a bit harder.

Your eyes pleaded out to him -  slowly sinking on your knees. your stare never breaks with Jin. You wanted to look at him while you snatched his soul away, you had imagined this moment so many times and now that it was finally here, presented to you in a silver platter your mouth salivated. You slowly pushed down his sweats and then his boxers, his erection springing out, standing tall in front of you.

Your willing tongue unraveled from your mouth, holding his delicate length in your hand as you slid your tongue up his shaft, spreading your saliva against the pulsing vein there. Your deep breaths cascades over his tip, his cock twitching against your tongue in anticipation. Jin watched  through hooded eyes, unable to blink away from your position under him.

“Ah fuck” he groaned. 

You looked so pretty, so dirty – he could cum from the sight alone.

Your tongue glided towards his tip, your damp muscle collecting all the pre-cum that sat on his slit, the salty taste making your clit pulsate. Your tongue slipped back and forth and then you felt it, his whole body trembling at the pleasure you were drawing out with just your mouth and you let out a moan, one that you couldn’t withhold because god did he look ethereal from this angle.

You eased his head into your mouth, eyes wide open looking up at him – your cheeks hollowing as you began to slowly bob your head, allowing him to catch his breath whilst your tongue glided around his thickness. Hisses streamed out of him, the sensation of your warm mouth wrapped around him leading him to throw his head back in pleasure.

Your saliva allowed you to take in more of him – feeling his cock reach the back of your throat, tickling your tonsils. you began moving your head faster, your hand reaching to pump the length that your mouth couldn’t take, the other slipping inside of your pajamas, your fingers rubbing against your folds and dipping inside of your warm walls.

His hand reached down, gripping your hair again and you noticed it was something he liked to do but you didn’t mind – the small pang of discomfort causing moans to vibrate against his dick. Jin’s hips started to move into your willing mouth, drool dripping down your chin as you continued your quick tempo – the sound of his drenched cock dipping in and out of your mouth echoing inside of the dining area along with the sound of your gagging. 

Your eyes burned, tears brimming at the corners but you didn’t dare to look away as he looked down at you, he appeared so sexy whilst in heat, the thought that it was you doing this to him causing your fingers to move quicker inside of you, your arousal gliding down your hands. 

“Y/n” Jin moaned.

You removed your hand from his shaft and took in the rest of him, you could feel your throat begin to burn but you didn’t care – your need to have his entire length in your mouth overpowering even your need for air. Your head bobbed up and down, waiting for him to come undone in your mouth but his hand pulled back on your head, causing his cock to slide out of your mouth with a loud pop.

“That's not where I want to come,” he groaned, his chest rising and falling with each harsh breath he took. 

He glided his thumb against your pulsing red lips, collecting the drool that remained on your chin. You whimpered, your own thumb pressing against your clit - fucking yourself to the sight of him. He carried a dark ardor, a look in his eyes that you had never witnessed before or perhaps never noticed. 

In one swift movement you were off the floor, Jin placed you on the kitchen counter - his tongue once again sliding down the nape of your neck dragging out small moans from your mouth. He was experienced, his mouth and hands knowing where to touch and tug as if he had studied your entire anatomy and you let him, falling into the bliss of all your lust filled dreams. 

His mouth found yours, his lips blending against your own with rapid appetite. His hands traveled to your waist, moving his fingers in between the skin and the hem of your pants and with one pull - he brought down your pajamas and dampened panties. You yelped as the cold air hit your hot clit - begging for his touch. He pulled away from your kiss - bringing his pointer and index finger into his mouth and coating the digits with his saliva - his eyes fixed on yours. 

Your body shivered, as you watched him preparing himself to completely wreck you and not a word of objection leaves your mouth, entranced with how sexy he makes it all look. He’s a professional and you had been too cocky to ever realize that. He pressed his fingers against your throbbing pussy, your hips jerking forward at the sensation. His fingers are long and warm against your cunt and you want nothing more than to have them inside of you. 

“Shhh relax” Jin hummed, rubbing your clit in small slow circles. 

Your breath trembled, mouth falling open as he teased your needy cunt - a smirk forming on his lips. Your touch deprivation didn't go unnoticed to the man standing in front of you. Your back arching into his teasing contact. He leaned forward and left wet kisses on your chest, trails of love bites and saliva as  he reached your breast and then his fingers began to move faster - his mouth taking one of your nipples into his mouth with ease. 

“Jin” you whimpered. He was everywhere all at once and your body shook, he was too much and yet you were capable of taking it all. 

His tongue went flat against your hardened nub, gliding it up and down and then sucking on the nipple softly, your hands tangled themselves in his hair, your legs shaking as he slid one finger into your welcoming cunt and then another, and then another and soon he began pumping them quickly, holding no mercy. 

Your hips matched his tempo and your breast begin to bounce as fucked yourself into his hand. Jin pulled away from your breast - not wanting to miss how much of a slut you had become for him. Your eyes were completely shut - allowing the feeling to take over you completely and you were a wreck but you couldn’t control your hips as they rolled against his appendages. Jin groaned at the sight of you, of your Pretty cunt taking all 3 of his fingers. 

“Look at you, you love this don’t you” he muttered into your ears, his forehead pressed into your cheek as he looked down at his fingers disappearing into your cunt, glistening with your juices - leaving a small puddle on the counter. 

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked but you remained silent, whimpers replacing the answer you wanted to give. 

“Mhm?” Jin urged you, wanting to hear you beg for him. 

“Y-yes” you stuttered. 

“Look who's stuttering now” he mocked and your eyes open, gleaming with lust. 

Jin slowly retracted his fingers from where they had remained, embedded inside of you, the action making you whine in desperation which made Jin smile in response - you were needy, no longer in control and Jin felt his dick quiver at the realization. He looked deep into eyes as he stood in front of you. he raised his hand and spit into his palm proceeding to lather up your already dripping cunt. You could feel his saliva coat your clit, the feeling causing your whole body to tremble. 

He leaned back in for a kiss, slowly pressing you back into the counter until you could only see the ceiling above you. His hands slid up your thighs and with one swift movement he brought your ass to the end of the counter, your legs now placed exactly where you had wanted them to be for so long, where you thought they would look their best, thrown over his shoulders. 

“You look so good like this” he groaned, his eyes scanning your half naked body. 

You could hear the loud whistling of the tea kettle on the stove consume the entire room, creating a symphony with the moans that rattled from your lungs and then Jin sank into you, with so much ease, so smoothly that for the next few seconds you couldn't breath. 

Jin’s hands rubbed along your legs, his hips starting to roll into you with swift and disposed movements. You could feel all of him, the pulsations of his cock as he slowly retracted and then easily slipped back inside. The way the tip of his cock reached your ovaries, your legs quivering out of reflex. 

“Jin” you cried out and you lost it, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he snapped his waist, pounding into you with so much speed that the counter underneath you began to shake, Jin’s hand flied to your tank top, gripping it in his hand -  pulling at the fabric with each thrust that he gave you. 

“Is this what you wanted me to do all this time?” he questioned, bringing his thumb against your clit. 

“Y-yes” you yelped. 

“Fuck Y/n” he moaned breathlessly and the thunder outside was no match for the sound of your greedy wet cunt taking his entire length, your loud yelps and moans masking the natural disaster taking place. 

Your ass bounced against his thighs each time he slammed into you and he was frantic, your warm walls smothering his aching cock as he plunged into you with so much need and desire you could feel your clit swell around him. As you peered down at him there wasn’t a trace left of the shy boy you once knew. His eyes darkened, glazed over as he stared at his dick stretching out your walls. His teeth biting down onto his lip harshly in a foolish attempt to refrain from the grunts that vibrated from his chest. 

His fingers rubbed quickly over your flustered clit, it was as if he already knew what you needed before you said it, he had you down to a science and you couldn’t stop your body from convulsing, your cunt squeezing around him as a signal of your incoming orgasm. 

“Jin i’m gonna-” you yelp out, this orgasm was different from the ones you would give yourself to the thought of him, pressure beginning to form dangerously in your core. 

“Shhhh i know princess relax” he hummed like an expert only would. 

Your legs fell from his shoulders and his hands received them quickly, holding them wide open. The view of your pussy taking him to the hilt  urging him to flutter in pleasure but he didn’t want to look away - he didn’t want to miss a beat, not when it had been everything he’s dreamed of and more. 

You looked so perfect, felt so perfect and whilst he fought the utter pleasure surging through him, that left him completely spent he could feel your cunt constricting around his cock, his hips faltering at the sudden tightness that enveloped him. 

“Ahh ahh” Jin yelped. 

 With loud moans you came undone, your body tensing and muscle restricting - eyes brimming with tears and just as fast, you felt every cell inside of you ease, like a shot of anesthesia, body and mind going completely blank. Moments later Jin shoots streams of his warm nectar into your walls, filling up every ridge, his milk oozing out as he retracts his hips slowly, careful as to not disturb your high. 

By the time the morning crept into the city of Yeosu, the storm had subsided - superseded by the bright sun that now shined directly in your face. You concluded that the sky had made it its goal to not allow you peaceful slumber these past few days. Denying you the pleasures of rest. You had been awake for a few minutes now but you had been reluctant to open your eyes, focusing on the feeling of the soft comforter wrapped around your nude body. 

Perhaps you were just really tired but the truth was that you just didn’t want to recognize the body that laid next to you, soft snores flowing past their lips, their face nestled into the crook of your neck. 

If you opened your eyes then it would all come to an end, the feeling of his arm wrapped around your waist, the feeling of his weight besides you. Yet, you knew it couldn't last forever and although neither of you had shared any words regarding the events that took place last evening, or the other things that happened after that, you concluded it would all end the same way it usually did. 

You weren’t unfamiliar to awkward goodbyes when the sexual tension dissipated and though inside you wanted to hold onto the hope that maybe this time it would be different, that Jin wasn't like that - you were aware of the inevitable. 

Your eyes blinked open with a soft hiss and for a moment you were blinded by a ray of sunshine gleaming on your face - you raised one of your arms, blocking away the light and carefully turned to glance over at the sleeping man beside you. Jin was sound asleep and you could tell how completely at ease he was in contrast to your nerves that rattled you out of your very needed and desired slumber. 

You didn’t want to leave, didn’t want him to wake up to an empty bed but you knew it would only be harder if you were to leave whilst he was awake, you knew he would attempt to sooth the rejection that was approaching. 

You carefully lifted his arm from around your waist, sliding inch by inch out of the comforter you both shared. Your eyes remained on his resting form, his lips slightly parted and his disheveled silky black locks sprawled on the pillow underneath his head - he looked angelic and your heart lurched at the sight. 

You contemplated if you should’ve stayed, if you could allow yourself a bit of cruelty in exchange for comfort but you had been down that road many times before and at last you made up your mind. Your eyes moved to scan the floor, trying to find the article of clothing you wore the day before but they are nowhere to be found. 

“Shit” you whispered. 

Scenes of the previous day flashed through your mind like a silent film, replaying the lust filled moments you both shared - your bodies intertwining in nearly every room of the vacant home until you found shelter under his bed sheets. His moans and whimpers forever embedded into your memory causing your legs to quiver as you stood disoriented in his room. 

You had left your clothing sprawled in different corners of the house - evidence left for your colleagues to find upon their arrival. 

Jin’s body twists and turns and grumbles fall from his lips, shifting you into overdrive. your hands quickly picked up one of his t-shirts that had been thrown across the floor. You slipped the fabric over your head - being suddenly hit with his scent, guilty adrenaline soaring through you. 

You slowly moved towards the door, your steps careful and calculated as you attempted to escape the room like a foolish thief. Your hands reached for the doorknob, wincing as the door creaked under your touch, cursing at the old house for exposing you in such a dire situation. 

“I thought i had at least 5 more minutes” Jin’s raspy voice echoed inside of the silence you so badly tried to keep. 

Your body froze - heart thumping inside of your chest at a faster rate than before. You shut your eyes as a grimace took over your expression - you had been caught, red handed. You tried to come up with an excuse, in order to lessen the blow but nothing came to mind and as you turned you gave him the words you had heard oh so many times before. 

“Sorry, i didn't want to wake you” the words left a pungent aftertaste in your mouth as you spoke them. 

Jin was sitting amongst the mess of comforter and sheets you both had made, his bare chest gleaming with the light that ripped through the windows - his hand reaching to rub his puffy eyes, a long exhausted sigh leaving his lips. 

“It's too early for you to lie and honestly, I'm too tired to believe it.”

You blinked quickly, his statement throwing you off balance. His tone did not hold any anger or frustration - he sounded disappointed. He was a reflection of you this time and now you were the one having to seek for poor excuses regarding your sudden departure. 

“Jin I-” you tried to speak but your words were cut off by silence, a boulder sitting comfortably against your throat. 

Jin shifted from his sitting position - his eyes focused on your messy hair and on his favorite t-shirt that hung loosely around your frame. 

“You are always close but yet, so out of reach Y/n” Jin states “as open as you appear to be you hold your doors so tightly that your hands grow blisters.” he didn’t intend to be harsh - in fact his words are only a demonstration of how deeply he had come to know you but you couldn’t control the bitter sensation they left inside of you. 

“I didn't mean to- '' you began but couldn’t finish, swallowing down your justifications. 

“I can predict the weather for the next 2 weeks but not what you will do next” he chuckled and your lips quivered at the reality of what he was saying, of the truths that he knew and threw at you without hesitation. 

“I just don't want to mess things up - not this time around Jin, not with you” your mouth grew dry, your eyes glistening with tears that you didn’t want to let out. 

“That’s not a decision you can make on your own,” Jin retorted. 

“Jin, i've been here before so many times - i don't want it to be you running out of my life this time, the thought alone is unbearable and i know we don't know each other like that but i don't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation, you are a really nice guy” you don’t breath between your words, your lungs constricting as you give him your reasons in fear that he won't understand. 

“Well I'm not the one sneaking out of the room, am i?” 

Jin’s stare was sharp and you fidgeted under it - your mind attempting to find other logical reasons why whatever it is you both shared ultimately would come crashing down in the most vile kind of way. 

“What if you grow tired of me?” you whispered, eyes looking away from his. 

“I like coffee” he jokes and this time you smile. 

“I'm being serious!” you whine, your brows knitting with the conflicting debate that expands in your head. 

“Y/n, i am a grown man” Jin smirks “and not the kind that plays silly little games.”

Your eyes snap in his direction - a pang of guilt shooting through you. 

“Yeah i’m sorry about that too” you mutter, your cheeks growing flushed in embarrassment. 

“Are you?” Jin raises his eyebrow, a small smile appearing on his cheeks.

“Stop apologizing and come here.”

It doesn't take a second longer before you swiftly remove his t-shirt from your body - making a mental note to remind him that it belongs to you now. the insignificant object becoming one of the first things he will let you keep without hesitation because this man, the one who you decorate with kisses - the one that has entered your atmosphere at high speeds and at an unknown trajectory will never be like the others.

© 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.