tsyyya

[tsyyya]

A Girl in Her Solitude

Indeed, she is introverted. Her recovery time is a full 2 days of the weekend. On her bed. Or at least at home.

She feels safe when alone or with her family at the weekend. No more 'threatening' effects of the heart, detecting every momentof stress, and uneven breathing.

But one day, she wonders what would be the perfect time to socialize and explore the outside of her world?

How to start it all?

She thinks over and over. Can't find the exact answer. Would anyone like to offer a solution?

She began with her patent smile, alerted to be kind with others, and did paid an attention to her surroundings.

And she began being super tired. No more energy in the evening to wind down properly.

Then she tried the mindfulness, checked. Tried yoga every morning, checked. Tried journaling whenever her brain was about to explode, checked.

Didn't make much of a difference, until one night she cried hysterically: the tears never stopped falling. On her bed, alone.

After all, she needs a cathartic moment first.

[tsyyya]

An experience being a part of dakwah community

It was Islamic Youth Fest 2023, in which I participated for 2 days (28-29 of October) to celebrate Youth Oath Day. I feel nervous but excited at the same time, just to serve in registration.

I want to thank all the committees and a friend of mine, Firda, for having me as a part of them. They are called SWITCH: soul with iman is the choice. What a great name, though.

They are sooo nice, great personalities and minds. I wish I could take a part more for next time.

Seorang Tasya yang memang sangat anti-social dan not knowing how to socialize perfectly, ditambah introvert yang social battery nya ngga full dari weekdays yang melelahkan, bertemu dan berkenalan dengan lebih dari lima orang akhwat SWITCH, bertemu dengan temannya papah mamah, dan menggunakan topeng publiknya. Akhirnya selesai juga...

But I wanna take a note from yesterday, ngga usah maluuu langsung aja tanya ke orang terus senyum aja ke orang kan sedekah yak. Terus kalo ditugasin buat nemenin guest itu jangan keliatan bingung, tanyain aja apa yang diperluin sama tanya yang basic mungkin. Tapi emang kayaknya aku perlu ikut kelas networking deh biar lebih luwes ketemu orang dan ngga langsung tepar setelah ketemu orang lain.

Dah, segitu aja dulu. Semoga lain kali bisa lebih baik lagi. Byeee!

[tsyyya]

Hi! Check out my Medium blogs for more serious and structered writings: https://medium.com/@tasyapermataa

Later we will find out what kind of topic I'm going to discuss with you. See ya!

[tsyyya]

“Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house; as if life was some kind of grocery list. But nobody ever asks if you are happy.”

— Heath Ledger

[tsyyya]

if you noticed something, sometimes I mention MBTI in this acc. I know that's somehow a bit fad psychology and dividing personality into only 16 types, but it's very helpful to me for understanding my own and others' personalities. knowing some advantages and disadvantages as a human being, I use the MBTI to identify my strengths and weaknesses.

https://dynomight.net/in-defense-of-myers-briggs.html

I just read that article this morning and mostly agree with those arguments. instead of asking about the big five models, just ask the MBTI type😂 it's way much easier.

[tsyyya]

[Day 20 of writing challenge]

"Post about three celebrity crushes."

the most difficult for me to select just THREE candidates😩

these 3 men have things in common: an introvert, a genius, a Korean. Oh, and a cat-like face for the two first place. 🐈

1. Jeon Wonwoo

as a rapper in Seventeen. he is INFJ, a calm yet super logical person. Joshua said he rarely cries because he is strong. he likes to analyzing things that suspicious to him. his writing lyrics skills are no joke. those poetical lyrics hit me and making me fall into him harder. his knowledge is sooo broad. he's interested in photography and video editing. don't forget that he was addicted to games. he is 182 cm tall, the 80% are legs.

2. Min Yoongi

as a rapper in BTS. back then, he was INFP but now he is INTP as he had announced in a video. the exact definition of tsundere boy vibe, he is caring to his members, occasionally without saying anything he would do anything for them. he is the genius jjangjjangman bboongbboong producer: a composer, lyricist (check out his mixtapes as AGUST D). he is embarrassed every time he is flattered by others.

3. Lee Seokmin

as a vocalist in Seventeen. he is INFP, and he is like my "mirror". anything about him, i empathize with him. i feel the same like we have the same road in mind. the beautiful soul, pure like an angel. he is a genius in variety shows, he never failed at amusing Carats. on top of that, his voice. his voice like coming from heaven. his endearing vibe (the above level of boyfriend vibe) got me trapped in him.

once again, this is HARD.

06.05.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 18 of writing challenge]

“Post 30 facts about yourself.“

Okay, let’s do this, I’m into flattering myself right now!

from my point of view, i excel on learning foreign languages even i don’t study those routinely anymore. 

then, i’m pretty good at operating adobe illustrator and wondershare filmora.

i’m not creative enough but i’m good at finding ideas and tips from google and pinterest, etc.

i love cooking and baking regardless my major is nutrition

mostly i have read fictions and novels beside the non-fiction because i dozed off often.

sleeping and lying down are my things!

blue, the most favorite color. but i love all the color though. the harmony and vibes will fix this.

i’m the oldest trio.

literally i’m the tall girl: 175cm while the average man-women in this country is 160cm-ish.

slouching type but since long time ago and currently i’m still working to fix this. i will always stand upright!

i’m 21, student in the term 6 of undergraduate nutrition.

INFP-T.

wishy washy? paradox? that’s me.

but above it all, i’m an idealist. hahaha, that’s the paradox!

timid but you need to interact with me more. after all i’m the one who do and say things crazily...

having anxiety almost everyday. not the disease one, but the symptoms...

i drove the car by myself just for 3 weeks, before the pandemic :(

the languages that i think i’m capable at: indonesian, english, javanese, arabic, korean, a lil bit japanese and spanish.

learning music since 4th grade (piano and keyboard), know how to play guitar, violin, drum, flute, marimba, gamelan. but after in high school, i’ve never played those.

i’ve performed band with friends at junior high school’s festival twice.

and i’ve sung and accompanied by my junior with her keyboard in the mall, when i was a 8th grade student. haha, that was hilarious.

procrastinating :D

trying to be more productive but never done things-mindset.

i’ve written a book, but it’s an anthology nutrition-themed book.

i’m happy with those who i love and they love me.

overthinking at its finest, the most of time.

fried rice is one of food to-go when you don’t know what to eat.

multistan: iu, svt, bts, phum, honne, dean, dindin, yoonhan, epik high, imagine dragon, crush, zico, etc. i’m not joining the fandom, just admiring the kpop idols and actors/actresses

wanting to have the elegant, classy, and bookworm vibe ahahah!

in a state of finding the partner in crime :]

WKWKWKWK bye oll

25.03.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 17 of  writing challenge]

“Post about your zodiac sign, and whether or not it fits you.”

STREAK THE WORD ZODIAC SIGN, WE DO THE MBTI INSTEAD.

Hi, I’m INFP-T, the super 10000% synchronized with. It literally fits me as the tightest clothes. A compassionate, an idealist, a mediator, a paradox.

Procrastinating is one of my routine, but I want to remove it!

I’m great at writing especially prompts or drabbles but it just a self-proclaimed eheheh. I dunno if you agree with this. But I appreciate it any kind of respond.

Doing the imagination all day long. My mind is full of my hallucination even without the stimulants or hallucinogens.

I accept all of the opinions, but I don’t directly agree though. I must absorb it in my brain, digest, and finally I speak my own opinion.

Sometimes I need others to help me with daily, I have a sort of undecided-side and they will decide for me.

That’s it. Voila!

25.03.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 16 of writing challenge]

“Something that you miss.“

Malang. Setelah 12 tahun tinggal di sana dan pindah sementara di Duri, aku merasa banyak kehilangan. Sebelumnya, aku selalu mengelak untuk mengakui bahwa aku warga Kota Malang. Padahal, sudah jelas-jelas memiliki KTP Malang, namun masih bersikukuh menganggap menjadi orang Balikpapan, kota kelahiranku. 

Ternyata dalam rentang waktu 12 tahun itu, aku banyak bertumbuh dan berkembang, berproses dari kanak-kanak hingga remaja. Secara tidak sadar kehidupanku terpengaruh oleh hiruk-pikuk Kota Malang, Kota Pendidikan. Rutinitas mengunjungi supermarket tiap bulan, sekadar cuci mata di mall, menikmati kuliner bakso, mengenal setiap tempat yang nyaman dikunjungi, dan setiap hari ke kampus tempat menuntut ilmu.

Untuk saat ini, aku teramat sangat kangen dengan Kota Malang yang menyimpan segala kenangan dan pengalaman.

25.03.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 15 of writing challenge]

“Bullet-point your whole day.”

- attending online classes

- sleeping

- brunch

- having ramyeon

- doing assignments

16.03.21

[tsyyya]

[Day 14 of writing challenge]

“Post your favorite movies that you never get tired of watching.”

Can I post dramas? hehehe, no.

Ok I will just mention the movies. Default. Before Sunrise. Little Forest. Are You In Love. One Week Friends.

16.03.21

[tsyyya]

[Day 13 of writing challenge]

“What are you excited about?”

Exploring new things, especially in literature, psychology, and design world. HAHA, nutrition is a part of my life though.

That’s one of my reason I’m able to catch my last breath.

These days, I’ve worked hard enough to satisfy my mind and body by doing yoga even it’s just around 6 minutes. I always excited waiting for tomorrow’s session. Besides, I’ve brainstormed new ideas to create some small writings--prompts, drabble, imagine, etc. Ah, I started my new project as well but it hasn’t finished yet. I challenge myself to complete that short story no matter what. I hope it works.

16.03.2021

[tsyyya]

march 12th, it's been a while since 2021 starts.

mau bagi progress aja. insyaallah kalo ngga ada halangan, semoga proposal bisa acc paling lambat akhir maret. tadi siang baru selesai bimbingan sama dosbing, lebih banyak bahas form kuesioner. lebih dekat dengan kata acc sih tanda-tandanya. harap-harap cemas bawaannya, butuh bikin format baru. cari ukuran yang lebih pas.

april semoga udah mulai bisa ambil data aamiin. habis revisi format kuesioner, urus etik, proposal acc, lalu gaskan. hihi bismillah!

[tsyyya]

[Day 12 of writing challenge]

“Write about five blessings in your life.”

sebenernya ngga cukup kalo cuma 5, tapi here we go!

1. dapet kesempatan merasakan hidup

2. punya keluarga

3. berkesempatan buat sekolah dari tk-kuliah

4. berkesempatan tinggal di daerah berbeda-beda

5. pernah umroh dan ke turki

itu the biggest blessings untuk saat ini sih. padahal banyak lagiii

(+) masuk sma model pesantren dan punya banyak cerita di sana, dapet temen yang dari satu Indonesia terpencar-pencar. ngga semua orang berkesempatan sekolah di pondok pesantren.

24.02.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 11 of writing challenge]

“Something you always think "What if..." about.”

HAHAHAH. tentang nikah lah! soalnya sering berandai-andai dan seperti punya plot sendiri di kepala. nanti pasangannya bakal kayak gimana, bakal punya berapa anak, nanti anaknya bakal disekolahin dimana, lama-lama aku ngeri sendiri sama otakku. tapi ngga mau ekspektasi terlalu tinggi deh, biarkan Allah yang ngatur. capek sendiri nanti kalo udah ngga sesuai harapan.

selain itu, bayangan tentang kerja. gimana rasanya punya duit sendiri? nanti gaji pertama aku pake buat apa?

tapi yang sering dipikirin itu: gimana rasanya punya temen yang rasanya kayak keluarga. kayak mama sama tante vera.

24.02.2021

[tsyyya]

[Day 10 of writing challenge]

“Write about something for which you feel strongly.”

since today is my 21st birthday, i generally feel happy atm. having the blesses and wishes from family and friends, i’m really grateful that many people still remember me and make a time for congratulating me.

on top of that, i also feel grateful to Allah for giving me another chance to live. i want to be an outstanding tasya :)

24.02.2021

[tsyyya]

detik-detik melepas 20

pikiranku saat ini campur aduk. aku tulis ini sembari menguraikan satu persatu benang yang melilit di kepala. oke, kita mulai ya.

pertama, aku belum siap berusia 21 tahun. rasanya belum ngapa-ngapain gitu di umur 20 ini. belum cukup. katakan aku kurang bersyukur. ya, mungkin itu salah satu jawabannya. di sisi lain, manusia memang tidak terlepas dari rasa ketidakpuasannya. selalu menuntut lebih. berusaha mencapai tujuannya hingga ia sendiri puas. karena aku sendiri melihat di lingkungan sekitarku, semua telah menggapai mimpinya masing-masing sedikit demi sedikit. dan aku juga menginginkan itu. memiliki mimpi, bertekad kuat, dan berusaha dan berdoa sekuat tenaga agar hal itu terwujud. dan sampai saat ini, mimpi yang ingin kuraih masih buram, belum terlihat jelas jalan yang akan dituju. langkah pertamaku belum valid. aku perlu menuntaskan rasa penasaran ini, nanti.

aku ini tipe orang yang suka banyak hal, dari desain, rajut, masak, bahasa, nulis, baca, nonton, sampe beres-beres. rasanya tuh pengen dikerjain semuanya dalam satu hari. tapi ada juga saatnya aku males ngapa-ngapain. bosen sama sesuatu. pengen cari hal yang menarik lainnya. dulu sih kalo ditanya hobinya apa bakal kujawab membaca, tapi sebenarnya itu sebuah kebohongan. hanya formalitas. sampai sekarang, aku membingungkan passionku dan minatku yang mengarah kemana-mana. apalagi belakangan ini, perhatian dan konsentrasiku sering terpecah dan menemukan diriku melakukan hal yang sebenarnya tidak harus kulakukan saat itu. misal, aku sedang mengerjakan revisi tugas, namun di menit berikutnya, aku hanyut dalam scroll twitter dan pinterest, selanjutnya aku mendesain di ai. deadline yang kubuat sia-sia dan aku selalu kesal sendiri saat aku berbuat demikian.

lain halnya jika aku berdiskusi dan saling melemparkan curhatan dengan mama dan papa. mengajak untuk membayangkan seperti apa diri kita di masa yang akan datang, minimal 5 tahun lagi. dan setelah itu aku menyadari bahwa waktuku di bangku kuliah tidak lama lagi akan selesai. lalu memasuki dunia kerja. sudah siapkah aku menjadi budak pundi-pundi duit? apakah aku sanggup dan bisa survive di karirku nanti? ah, proposal sampai sekarang saja masih revisi, bayangin lulus aja belum bisa.

dan di lain hari, mama berbicara tentang ‘itu’, nikah dan tetek bengeknya. mama juga mengandaikan seperti apa menantu dan besannya nanti. mendengar itu sontak aku pun tertawa dan tersadar kembali bahwa aku jugalah yang akan mengalaminya. ternyata dunia di usia 20-an seperti ini ya. jika memutuskan untuk menikah, maka akan bersiap menikmati dan berbagi sisa hidupnya bersama orang lain. antara tidak sabar untuk mengetahui kebenaran dibaliknya dan belum siap untuk menjalani.

menjadi dewasa memang tak pernah mudah. siapa bilang menjadi dewasa enak? yang ada malah ujian di-upgrade, tantangan semakin meluas, masalah dimana-mana, dan kita dituntut untuk bisa menyelesaikannya sepanjang hidup ini. tapi, hakikatnya tugas manusia di dunia itu apa sih? yang pertama beribadah kepada-Nya dan selanjutnya menjadi khalifah di bumi ini. insyaAllah jika telah memenuhi tugas tersebut, maka akan dibantu dan dikabulkan oleh-Nya atas masalah dan doa yang selama ini kita panjatkan. how beautiful His religion is. and how perfect He created the guidance of life for us. dan Allah berjanji akan membantu hamba-Nya jika telah berilmu, bertakwa, dan beramal atas dasar-Nya. dan aku harap, aku bisa tetap terus beribadah dan berusaha menjadi khalifah yang amar ma’ruf nahi munkar di dunia.

angka 21 yang beberapa jam lagi akan menggantikan hari-hariku di tahun lalu ini menjadikan waktuku untuk kembali bermuhasabah diri dan kembali memperbanyak rasa syukur atas kesempatan hidup di bumi Allah. semoga segala pencapaian yang akan datang menjadi salah satu sarana diriku menjadi berguna bagi orang lain. aku sangat berharap diriku di masa depan akan menjadi pribadi yang aku sendiri jadi kagum sama diri sendiri. hahaha.