turtlechicky

[turtlechicky]

So I’ve run into an issue and have to change blogs I’m now @vampireknitting

[turtlechicky]

[turtlechicky]

And y’all wonder why your relationships are unhappy and your a bitter cunt in a crappy relationship. Fucking talk to each other why is it that fucking hard?

My boyfriend works full time, I cannot work at all because of physical issues. But I happily take care of our home. I happily do all the household chores I can for him because of how much he does for me. What I can’t do he does for me, if I need help once I ask he’s there, if there’s something I can’t do that has to be done he does it. It’s called communication and good ducking god does it do a lot at the end of the day. But if all you want to do is sit and bitch about your man, why are you together to begin with?

[turtlechicky]

the abuse was not your fault.

[turtlechicky]

Everyone talking about Snake and Samus but yall forgot to mention the biggest nerf in Smash Ultimate 

[turtlechicky]

PURE EVIL

[turtlechicky]

Australia did not censor this ICONIC moment! (x)

[turtlechicky]

Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like: 

“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?” 

“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.” 

“…Noted.” 

“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.” 

“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”

“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”

“Yeah.”

“Does such a process not hurt?”

“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.” 

“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?” 

“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?” 

“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.” 

[turtlechicky]

straight culture jokes are just “normal people scare me” in a different wrapper.

[turtlechicky]

As an inside joke, the officers decided to have the cake decorated in police-blue ribbons and sugared bees (for a “sting”).

The band, led by a city police officer, announced themselves as a weed-loving group named S.P.O.C, which stood for ‘Somebody Protect Our Crops.’ In actuality, it was just COPS spelled backwards.

They played the song ‘I Fought The Law (and the Law Won)’ as a signal to begin the bust.

“Let’s have some fun,” an officer shouted. “Everybody here that’s a cop, stand up! Okay! All the rest of you motherfuckers put your hands on the table, because you’re under arrest! This is a bust!”

I found a video of The Wedding Sting, but there’s no audio :(

Source

[turtlechicky]

Deadpool’s instructive video may save your testicles

[turtlechicky]

people/objects randomly exploding in cartoons will forever be the funniest thing in the entire world to me

[turtlechicky]

The hilarious thing about watching people talk about their experiences with pokemon go is that I just keep remembering all the edgy ‘realistic’ pokemon reinterpretations that used to go around, and how ‘no the pokemon world would be SO DARK you guys’.

And now there are people going around IRL catching pokemon and they’re just like ‘I WENT OUT AND MADE TWENTY NEW FRIENDS AND FOUND AN EEVEE AND EEVEE IS ALSO MY FRIEND!!!’

So it seems the pokemon setting actually was pretty damn accurate.

[turtlechicky]

i’m a simple man

i see my dog

i kiss him

[turtlechicky]

[turtlechicky]

Don't lie to your father.

When my son was 15 he was finally about to go to his first big party. I had a sit down with him and had the drug and alcohol talk. I told him I suspect they will drugs and alcohol at the party and he should be very careful of what he does for there are consequences for everything.

Well I had this conversation with him on a Wednesday (party was on a Friday) That following Thursday I noticed the grass was getting a bit tall, I kept my mouth shut though normally my son and I would cut it together. Friday night came around, my son was heading to the party and I said “Son don’t drink, and don’t come home drunk” he promised he wouldn’t…I knew my son though.

Keep reading