tutelaris

[tutelaris]

the tone had shifted. of his voice. of his words. it was clear that it was she who had been ill––––spoken, speaking of her duty so swiftly after speaking of her desire.

the teachings of the undying tell her that he is as a god, that his decisions are beyond mortal understanding, & forgiveness for his transgressions is a demand more than it is a choice. but she dared to know him better than scripture written by a man who had never laid eyes on him. he was more human than deity, & it was knowing this–––– knowing him–––– & not some ancient rule that inspired her words.

“ there is nothing to forgive. ” except her own heart, which repented with every beat, begged for forgiveness with every forbidden feeling that it poured into her chest. her lips parted, but whatever outlawed words had settled in her mind never made it to her tongue, & she settled, slipping back into the familiar mindset of duty above all else. it was her responsibility that allowed her to be by his side, & she would not allow that to be taken from her, no matter what she may feel.

“ of course, your grace. ” jote moved towards her supplies, shifting through the packaged herbs & empty vials, setting aside what she needed. the momentary distance would hopefully be enough to clear her head of her impulses & wandering thoughts, & her task would realign her focus. “ i will have your medicine prepared shortly. ”

duty   -   yes  .  a  word  he's  become  quite  familiar  with  .  as  close  to  him  as  it  is  distant  ;  a  reality  in  conflict  with  the  pressures  of  his  heart  ,  yet  one  that  he  is  forced  to  accept   .   .   .   such  is  the  case  with  most  things  .  this  ill  fated  life  born  of  shadow's  contempt  was  not  made  for  him  .  perhaps  ,  he  was  not  made  for  it  .  a  light  birthed  in  a  realm  of  darkness  ;  he  will  never  find  belonging  here  .  even  now  ,  as  the  warmth  of  jote's  touch  slips  from  him  ,  the  hollow  loneliness  that's  grown  so  near  to  him  begins  its  possession  once  more  .  he  is  undeserving  of  this  love  .  may  he  be  ever  -  reminded  of  their  stations  ,  their  fate  unfulfilled  .  happiness  is  a  privilege  he  is  not  privy  to  ,  despite  it  all  .

jote  ,  his  bodyguard  and  trusted  companion  ,  nothing  more  ,  always  reminds  him  of  the  present  that  shackles  him  to  a  fate  however  doomed  so  long  as  he  breathes  .  a  certain  hopelessness  often  becomes  him  ,  a  battle  between  the  yearning  for  something  more  and  the  acceptance  that  this  is  the  life  they've  been  dealt  .  it's  a  war  in  his  mind  ,  logic  versus  feeling  ,  knowledge  versus  soul  .  he  can  never  seem  to  choose  ,  always  standing  somewhere  between  the  tides  and  the  sand  as  the  waves  threaten  to  swallow  him  whole  ,  but  never  quite  reach  .  a  shaky  sigh  passes  through  stinging  lips  ,  chapped  from  the  dry  chill  of  the  weather  .

❛   you're  right  .   ❜   there's  defeat  in  his  tone  ,  and  he  touches  his  fingers  to  his  chest  ,  eyes  glancing  toward  the  darkness  of  the  sky  that  casts  its  shadows  upon  them  .   ❛  forgive  me   .   .   .   i  know  you  know  that  i  am  not  usually  so  ill  -  spoken  .  ❜   and  he  would  be  concerned  if  he  did  not  know  that  his  words  stemmed  from  a  place  of  emotion  rather  than  physical  hurt  .  still  ,  the  pain  never  ceases  .  it's  become  a  part  of  him  ,  a  fated  friend  ,  a  presence  that  keeps  his  loneliness  from  ruining  him  completely  .

❛   the evening has grown long . perhaps  it's  time  we  retire  for  the  night  .   ❜

[tutelaris]

his sudden pause piqued her curiosity, & her gaze fell on him, studying his face in a moment charged with intensity. to forget in the middle of speaking was unlike him. jote suspected that each word he spoke had been carefully chosen long before they found themselves on his lips–––– his sentences crafted in half the space of hers & turned over in his brilliant & calculating mind to ensure the conversation moved on without quarrel.

with the idea that he had actually forgotten seeming less & less likely by the moment, that left only one option: he did not like the answer he believed that he was likely to receive.

“ that, your grace, tends to happen when one does not rest enough. ” it was the closest she was comfortable getting to an admonishment, even behind closed doors. it was barely a tease with the lack of humor in her tone. the only thing that gave it away was the slight upturn to her lips, head tilted just so in his direction. attendants could not mock their charges, certainly not under the roof of the undying, but they had found a facsimile of the act.

his initial statement had been enough for her to glean some semblance of his hypothetical question. she moved her hand from his, her thoughts like a sudden splash of cold water, reminding her of reality, of her station. “ no matter what you might have been reflecting upon, were you not who you are, we likely would not be standing here. ” after all, their organization was unheard of, their teachings silent. she had been trained to move in the shadows, unseen. “ you would not know of me. ”

the words left something hollow in the space between them. a miasma of truth that she wished she could brush away, but instead, she was forced to linger within it. “ i know. ” for there was a kindness to joshua that could fill even the darkest spaces. most nobles would not have spared her a glance, no matter what she had done, but not him. “ but, you needn't be. ” no matter how much it lightened her spirits, made her feel like she had purpose. “ i am simply... ” jote paused, briefly, considering her next words. they felt like a half–––– truth, even before they crossed her tongue. “ doing my duty. ”

and his tenderness still is unbeknownst to him ; some ingredient that shifts between and within the very make of his person , the fabrication of his cells . he is not tender , rather , tenderness is him . wholly and completely . even his wrath , despite his inability to hold it within his hands , is ruled by the warm light of a campfire . the heat of an inferno , the sacrificial wings of a bird that is to be martyred before its kingdom in a fit of disgrace ; madness . he is to never lose his composure , lest he be crowned duke of scorn . these thoughts stay with him like an old scar , wounds bound with time , flesh ever - marred .

still , when he meets jote's eyes , he is greeted with the present , and what is he feels is forbidden even by the thoughts of his own . life has played them a cruel hand , certainly . she dodges his glance just long enough to leave him hollow , cold , yearning for the hand that clasps around his in a moment's disappearance . he is graced , in the moment that their fingers lay platonically atop one another's , by an angel of divine spirit ; overwhelmed with something he will never accept as his .

her honesty is present in the way it always is , the way he has grown to know so well , and he is grateful for her transparency in a world built on fallacies . yet , he doubts . . . he doubts because there is something so far within his heart , born of the way he was raised , that he cannot trust the tenderhearted intentions of anyone , let alone someone who offers him protection . that is a wound of his that has known no healing .

❛ tell me , jote . if i were not - ❜ he halts his words , despite the serious press of his initial tone , knowing they are akin to sacrilege in a religion born of his existence , ❛ apologies . . . the thought slipped my mind before i could voice it . ❜ a lie ; an obvious one at that , as he is not one who often ' forgets ' , always speaking with meaning and well - thought intention . he supposes even now , he's let his guard down with her . . . as he's often guilty of doing . ❛ i am grateful to you . you do know that , i'm sure . ❜ and he dismisses himself , as if what he's said matters not at all in the tragedy that is their path .

[tutelaris]

even if she had not been in tune with every minuscule movement that he made, it would have been impossible not to notice his touch. he was warm. warm enough that she could feel the heat in excess, even through the fabric that covered her skin. a shameless part of her wished that the barrier was gone, that she could feel his touch on her, however brief.

the smile that graced his features brought a sudden heat to her face, separate from the flame of his touch. yet there was a sadness in his expression that lingered. she wanted to brush the worry lines from his cheeks with her thumbs & kiss them away from his brow, but she knew that was a careless impulse & far beyond the proper conduct between attendant & ward ( though she knew that line had already been crossed, there was a difference between stepping over it for his comfort & erasing it completely ). she would have to settle for this moment of reminiscing & dropping formalities & propriety behind closed doors.

“ i simply wished to save you from one of cyril's monotonous lectures. ” she had been the receiver of many, along with most of the children who grew up in the order. the importance of training, of balanced meals, of truthfulness, of obedience. unsure as she was as to whether or not he would feel as though he had the authority to scold the dominant of the phoenix, jote had decided very quickly that she wouldn't allow him the chance.

“the first of many daring rescues. " & the beginning of her eternal loyalty to her charge but, moreso, to her dearest friend. She would protect him from anything & everything that she could, including detestable root vegetables. though her words were intended playfully, her tone grew more serious than she had intended. “ i have always taken my vow to protect you quite seriously. "

these tender and innocent moments shine like divinity through memory that sleeps in a bed cast of hell's flames . he cherishes the time she chooses to devote to him , the weightless minutes that soar effortlessly , making it feel like their time together is never quite enough . always leaving him wanting , yearning , that she might exist again by his side . but right now , he relishes in this . that is , until her usual formality is pinned to the conclusion of her sentence like she , herself , had completely forgotten their stations . reality can oft feel like a crime ; robbing them of each other .

if they could at least live their lives as friends . . . nothing more , nothing less . . . he figures he could be content , for then , they might feel free . he'll smother his love for her always in favor of even just her contentment . and as he listens to the familiar and comforting cadence of her voice does she burst into a fit of giggles , reminiscent of several nights shared at one another's bedside . still , rare enough that he thinks it a treasure .

a warm smile counters the coolness of the air that holds them in it , and his own chest swells with laughter , cast from sincerity into the world , yet painful as it claws from a brutal devotion , aching beneath its crystal center . he feels the vibrations of their laughter as his hand still lays atop her leg , his thumb brushing delicately over the cotton fabric that envelops her . such sincerity lives beneath irises , reflections of the sky on a day of a peaceful past .

❛ to me , they had . ❜ he plays gently into the reprieve in her jest , his face light - hearted , but seemingly completely serious . ❛ if my trusted companion hadn't been there to rid my plate of them , my survival would have been called to question . ❜ he flashes her a knowing curve of his lips , despite the lingering sorrow of truth in the air . ❛ thank you , jote . you have saved me many times from the throes of distaste . ❜

[tutelaris]

( 「   RP MEME :   VARIOUS KINGDOM HEARTS QUOTES.   」  | @glacierites )

‘ we shall go together. ’

“ are you certain, my lady? ”

her hands halted, half––––packed supplies momentarily forgotten. these sorts of quests were her responsibility & she had no problem with shouldering them alone. while she never would have turned jill away, she wanted to ensure that there was no expectation of her presence.

jote turned to speak to jill properly, to tell her that her company would be welcome, but it certainly wasn't a necessity if she wished to remain safe within the hideaway, but she found herself pausing the moment she met jill's eyes. there was something restless there. hidden behind the calm was a brewing tempest, ready to be set free.

it was a look that she had seen before. in the eyes of the undying who spent their lives traveling only to suddenly be stationed among their posts. in the eyes of her charge when his search for answers weight heavily on his mind but weather or illness forced them to stay in place.

in the reflection of her own eyes when she was separated from her charge.

she acquiesced without even waiting for a proper answer. the look in jill's eyes as answer enough, & jote turned back to her preparations.

“ is there aught that you need before our departure? ” the look she sent in jill's direction was bright & understanding, a smile that felt welcome among their budding friendship.

“ it would seem that we are in for quite a journey. ”

[tutelaris]

there was something in his gaze that nearly hard her turn away, a tenderness that made her feel as though

his hand wrapped around her wrist, & she suddenly forgot what it meant to breathe. the gentle caress of his fingers against her skin brought heat & a flush to her face–––– one of the infinite reminders that the undying could never fully train the human out of her, that there was a living soul within her that could not be trained away.

jote was not so bold as to call him her home. though she returned the sentiment, it would be far too familiar for her station ( & she forced herself to remember that he could not mean it with the same conviction that she would ), but she would not let him think that she would ever consider changing her mind.

“ make no mistake, your grace, ” her words were gentle, but stern. her wish for him to know that she spoke in simple truths was clear in every syllable. this was, very likely, the closest she would ever allow herself to get to a true order in a moment that had nothing to do with his safety. “ the only way i would ever forsake myself on this journey is if i were to leave you. ”

she took her free hand into her own, a motion that she knew she could only manage because they were alone. in her heart, it was a necessity. she needed him to know that she meant this. “ there is no order that could tether me to you more than my own desire. ”

ahead is a journey paved in steps yet undiscovered , & this ailing body would not keep him captive from his goals . three rigorous years of gaining the means to survival , retraining himself to exist in this body , to exist in this collage of scrap booked memories with pages torn & missing , as a secret heir to a land of disarray , & as his mother's son . to exist as himself , presently , in this moment . he is a patchwork of agonies & transcendent devotion . & his devotion stares back at him through copper eyes of shielded strife .

there is softness that eclipses his sadness , a bittersweet concoction of care beaming through expression's sentiment . ever serious , ever dutiful is she . but he remembers their moments shared at one another's sides when the world collapsed around them & the only thing they could grab onto was each other . he thinks it selfish to yearn , but he does . for her presence at his side . for the comfort of the only person who recognizes him for him . . . who knows the soul attached to the body ( & even his appearance has become unrecognizable to all he once held dear ) .

' i will be at your side ' is all he hears when he sighs a breath of relief . he'd asked her in moments past , but her assurance is most favored .

his hands curl into his palms , his wrists pressed against his thighs as he looks on in nervous , yet determined , contemplation . his eyes peer into the floor that fades to void in his vision . yet , he blinks , grounding himself into focus , & looks to jote with warm trust . ❛ thank you , jote . ❜ fingers wrap around her wrist with a gentle caress of compassion . ❛ i only pray you will not grow to regret your decision . if there is ever a moment you find yourself at odds with our arrangement , i hope you find it in yourself to tell me . your presence at my side is a home to me , but i would not have you forsake yourself in my confidence . ❜

[tutelaris]

the way he spoke of their past lifted a weight from her shoulders––––temporarily, she was sure. it was only a matter of time before she wondered again whether or not she was worthy to be at his side. but, for the moment, she felt as though she was worth the praise he gave her for helping him return to good spirits in the days after his awakening. "i am glad those memories were there to bring you joy." in their short time of peace, of reminiscing, propriety had escaped her, & she rushed to add on his title as quickly as she could manage. “ ––––your grace. ”

she knew that his perception was more than enough to pick up on her hesitation. she was untroubled & content. stations & decorum had disappeared from her mind, replacing it with the thought that they were simply two friends sharing space & speaking of times that had long since passed. a thought she enjoyed, but knew she could not cling to forever.

his hand rested against her lap, & she fought against her sudden instinct to take it into her own. she succeeded, but her fingers twitched with the sudden effort. in an attempt to distract herself, she focused her thoughts on her childhood in hopes that she could answer his playful question.

“ they didn't speak so much of you as they did the phoenix. a regal & powerful beast, strong enough to turn the tides of war & yet fair & gentle enough to hold the power of life & death in its hands. ”

she turned her head to see as much of joshua's expression as she could manage without disrupting their position. she wanted to see the gentle smile that graced his face, the way his eyes glazed over in content recollection as he thought back to those early days.

jote wanted to see him happy.

“ they made it sound as though its dominant would be very much the same. wise & just with experience beyond their years. ”

jote could no longer help herself. she tilted her head back & laughed–––– a bright, girlish, & human sound that outmatched the last & easily shook them both.

" imagine my surprise when i met a playful boy who pushed carrots around his plate as though they had committed some sort of personal offense. ”

he, too, was simply human. a man with the power of a god, who deserved every ounce of respect, who held her heart in the gentlest of hands–––– but still human.

there is so often a void in his chest , physically , metaphorically , steeled and unable to be filled ; only worsened by the passage of time . it's haunting and aching , a yearning abyss that eats at him until he is breathless . in this moment , with his closest companion pressed against him , her words muffled by feathery blonde , he feels complete . for a moment , he will relish in the reprieve from nothingness . he feels warm , despite the chill in the sunless air , alight only by the moon that watches them .

she assures him , ever politely , of her present wellness , and he nods . he'd not have her overextend herself for him . not now . not again . too many risks have been taken in accordance with his existence , and if he were to lose the only one who truly knows him as he is now , he'd be lost without a place to call home .

she is his home .

starting from those simple gestures of sharing each other's company , then books they've read , and stories of their experiences . she listened as he voiced his memories into the air that he might not forget them again , or rather , if he did , someone would know of his ventures . she holds his closeness in her hands , and it is a rarity , a crystal jewel that exists nowhere else . not in all of valisthea .

jote speaks of the fondness she'd heard of clive , and joshua smiles despite the slight sinking in his stomach . he wishes he could see him again . he wishes that he might know him for who he is now , just as jote , but such a dream is far off now . even if they were to reconnect , they'd know nothing of each other . the world has changed them .

he laughs slightly before he speaks , airing his uncertainty into the atmosphere that he might not have to deal with it any longer , ❛ i often was . it was rare that i would feel that happiness in our earlier years , but my memories of such untroubled days could set my soul at ease , albeit briefly . ❜ he places his hand atop her lap , and he wishes that he might hold her , but forgoes the thought as quickly as it came . he's undeserving . ❛ i used to wonder what it was they'd say about me as a child . what sort of tales were told of me , jote ? ❜ he offers a light - hearted jest , though it carries earnest undertones .

[tutelaris]

( where flowers bloom, so does hope | @opyre )

he's picked a red and gold petaled flower from rosalith during his travels and pressed it in a journal , that it might not wilt 'fore it reaches jote's hands . and he sits aside her , stilling himself into a position of serenity in order to appear as collected as possible when presenting her with such a gift . he does not say what it is for , nor does he speak much on the feelings involved in the matter , instead , opting to open the page and break their silence with its art , " i thought of you when i picked it . " he smiles , delicately tracing the flattened stem , " it is called the treasure flower . they used to grow outside the castle . "

SHE HADN'T SPENT much time on the castle grounds as a child. much of her days had been spent in lessons. learning ceremony, history, & lineage. the undying served from the shadows, & she had been no different. perhaps that was why the first time she saw the castle gardens had stuck with her even now, so many years later. it had been late spring, with the flowers in full bloom, & only a stern reminder to behave herself had stopped her from giving in to the childish desire to pick a few of the colorful blossoms.

jote visited the castle a few, precious times after that. & each time she savored the view of the flowers as if a part of her had known that she would lose the sight forever. often the flowers would appear in her dreams of the only home she'd known before joshua's side. dreams of returning to a peaceful rosaria & watching the flowers bend & twist with the wind at her leisure.

but none of that was on her mind this day. it had become difficult enough to keep herself focused on her task once she'd realized what day was upon them, there was no room for wayward thoughts of a lost home. luckily there was much to do as she prepared for the next leg of their journey, with many opportunities to pull her back to the task at hand.

poultices, ingredients, replenished armor, & medicines. only once their traveling bags were near full did she give into temptation ( & joshua's insistence ) & allow herself a break. she sat comfortably in a small field. flowers, cool colored & healthy despite the blight that crept closer by the day, surrounded them. jote, always tuned into joshua, noticed him beginning to rummage through his pack despite her eyes on the horizon.

her head only turned when the journal entered her peripheral vision, & her eyes landed on it as a questioning sound left her lips. in return, her charge said nothing, simply opened the journal to a page that contained a sight she'd thought she'd only see after they had accomplished the impossible.

a treasure flower, he called it.

“ i remember. ” her guard had been dropped by the surprise, & she moved closer to him, sitting just at his side. her fingers brushed gently over the petals, taking in the details that had faded from her memories with time. “ i used to sit & watch them for hours when we visited the castle. after what happened at phoenix gate, i thought––––. ” but, that didn't matter now. she would not spoil such a kind gift with melancholy thoughts of the past.

“ i'd like to see them again, someday. when things are...better. ” when the blight was gone. when ultima was a distant memory. when the boy blessed with the blood of the phoenix could live a life without balancing the life & death of the world on his shoulders. she had to believe that such a day could come.

jote's head rose to look properly at joshua &, for the first time, noticed how close they had become. in a moment of selfishness, she did not move away.

“ thank you, your grace. i will cherish it. & it will serve as a wonderful reminder. ”

though it was no treasure flower, she found herself picking one of the pale blue flowers in reach. he regarded it for a long while in silence, smiling when she did finally speak anew.

“ a reminder, ” her voice was all but a whisper as she tucked the flower behind his ear. “ of the world we wish to create. ”

[tutelaris]

she did not dare to allow herself to believe that he thought spending time with her was a pleasure, but the mere thought had her heart thrumming faster against her ribcage. for once, jote wished for his ignorance, lest she need to find an excuse for her quickened pulse. he need not explain what memories he meant, but she listened anyways, selfishly relishing in the reminder that he looked upon those days as fondly as she did.

they had been but children then, & she would bring books & notes to his room far later than her guardians would allow. it was the only way she had felt a part of his recovery in those early days, before they had asked her to share her magic with him, & elation often came with the memories of evenings spent huddled together, sharing whispers between yawns & watching the shadows at the door for any who might intrude on their reprieve.

it was these moments, late & dark & quiet, where she felt as though she could temporarily cast away the expectation that came with the title undying. she did not turn away his closeness, & the warmth that came with was a balm on her soul. she knew, already, that she would rest easily at his side when the time came. but first, she wished to set aside his fears. “ you needn't worry, your grace. ” it was a soft reply, murmured into his hair. “ i will tell you if i am too tired to continue. ”

her head tilted, resting atop his own, & her eyes shut. like this–––– his warmth against her, the world around them ignored–––– she could pretend to still be young & foolish, that this would just be another sleepless night of learning more about one another.

“ i remember enjoying the tales of you & your brother the most. ” it had soothed a curiosity in her, soothed the ache of wondering of her own family. but, most of all, “ you always looked so happy when you told of your time together. ” her sudden laughter shook them both, but she found herself uncharacteristically unapologetic. “ & it showed a side of you i had been unprepared to see from the stories of the proper phoenix i'd been told as a child. ”

❛ i oft feel i am undeserving of these simple pleasures . ❜ but when he wraps her hand in his , atop his knee , in the solace of moments privy only to two , sparks light his finger tips , & he sighs an ache that meets reprieve in their shared oxygen . ❛ but these sleepless nights remind me of some of my most cherished memories . ❜ sincerity greets her eyes , like the warmth of a fire in a night's cold embrace , ❛ when you'd sit at my bedside and we'd discuss our research , our favorite novels , our dreams . we'd piece together my favorite memories . ❜

he closes the space between them , leaning his head gently atop her shoulder , as if requesting permission in his acts . this is the warmth that fills the hole in his chest , ❛ i am ever grateful to have you at my side , jote . ❜ he pauses , ❛ but , don't let me keep you . you are deserving of your rest . ❜

. . . @tutelaris .

[tutelaris]

( 「   RP MEME :   VARIOUS KINGDOM HEARTS QUOTES.   」  | @opyre )

' i know . i'm ready . otherwise , i wouldn't be here . '

IT WAS HARD TO LOOK AT HIM. the time she'd spent at his bedside had left an image of him in her mind. he had arrived to the undying weak, ill, & pained. hardly picturesque & far from the depiction of the phoenix that she had been given by the undying. the texts had told stories of a powerful, majestic being, a deity with the power of life & death. but joshua was no divine idol, he was simply a boy. her friend.

but now he had changed. like the eikon that shared his soul he had risen, full of life. strong enough to take down armies & yet so delicate that such power would mar him somewhere where she could not reach & thus could not heal. she wanted nothing more than to protect him, to defend him from all that might harm him–––– body & soul. but, she couldn't keep him locked away, & would have to relent to being the shield that sheltered him from any & all things that attempted to hurt him.

“ i know that you are. ”

but, she couldn't keep him hidden from the world like a prisoner in her protection. he was meant for more than that, & the world would be worse off without his presence. he was ready. he was more than ready. & the world would simply have to make ready for him.

“ if you truly wish to go out in search of answers, then know that i will be at your side, no matter where the journey may take us.”

all jote could hope was that he knew that it was more than just duty that guided her choice. she wanted to see him leave his mark on the land, todo his part in healing it, & to do what she could to help him whenever she might be able.

“ it will be an honor to travel with you, your grace.”

[tutelaris]

「   RP MEME :   VARIOUS KINGDOM HEARTS QUOTES.   」     * change pronouns as needed. 

‘ there’s no hope for you! ’

‘ i heard your voice. it cut through the darkness around me. ’ 

‘ we shall go together. ’

‘ i just wish i knew what i was doing here. ’

‘ i started having the strangest dreams. ’ 

‘ a puppet is a puppet. ’

‘ the game isn’t over until it’s over. ’

‘ so you’ve gained the power to protect what you hold dear? ’

‘ your heart shall be judged. ’

‘ different name. same fate. ’

‘ i’m with you. ’

‘ ‘i’m me,’ he says. ’

‘ you really shouldn’t have betrayed us. ’

‘ i owe my return to many. some of which you knew. ’ 

‘ i’m no hero. trust me. ’

‘ i’ve been waiting for this. ’

‘ we’ll never get anywhere with you just stating the obvious. ’ 

‘ trust our bond. ’

‘ i knew you’d come through for me. ’

‘ all shall be lost to you! ’

‘ do you want to scream? ’

‘ it’s weird. i feel like i’m forgetting something really important. ’

‘ there is more to light than meets the eye. ’

‘ i’m even dragging you home. ’ 

‘ your memories shall be mine! ’

‘ i know. i’m ready. otherwise, i wouldn’t be here. ’

‘ your betrayal outstrips them all. ’

‘ that’s right, we are friends! ’

‘ don’t i even warrant a hello? ’

‘ i’ve seen you spaced out before, but this is ridiculous. ’

‘ don’t be ridiculous. i’m here to back you up! ’

‘ the end is nigh. ’

‘ you should share your power. ’

‘ throwing the battle? looks to me like you just plan old lost the battle. ’ 

‘ can’t i bend the rules? ’

‘ i can give you purpose. ’

‘ got it memorized? ’

‘ accept the darkness. ’

‘ insolence! ’

‘ despair shall be yours. ’

‘ you shouldn’t have abandoned me. ’

[tutelaris]

i'm working on a carrd so i can finally get some info in here

[tutelaris]

( rest your body, rest your soul | @opyre )

" might you allow yourself a moment . . . " he watches on tired eyes , beautiful , yet carrying the weight of their survival . sleepless nights spent keeping watch have formed dark circles at her cheeks , & he presses his fingers against her shoulders , guiding her gently to sit aside him beneath the night sky , upon the plush grass . he leans his back against the bark of a tree & carefully presses jote's head into his shoulder & lets out a half - whisper , " with me . " she obliges , but he's unsure of how she feels in the moment . he simply threads his fingers through her hair & prays that she might find comfort enough to sleep . he will keep watch these hours . she cannot fight if she cannot rest .

SHE CAME WHEN HE CALLED, AS SHE ALWAYS DID–––– turning her back from the rare sight of the greenery before them to set her sights on him, instead. her strides towards him were slow, calculated, ensuring careful placement of her steps. she had been insistent on being the one to keep watch as they traveled, it was her duty to do so, but the long nights awake were beginning to take their toll. a toll she paid willingly––––  &, with days still until they finally settled for a night somewhere she felt it was safe enough for her to sleep through the morning, a toll she would continue to pay––––  but one that forced her to push & work herself harder. “ your grace? ”

that exhaustion worked against her now, with her not realizing her charge was reaching for her until it was much too late. though she didn't fight against his hold, she refused to let it go without a protest. “ you know as well as i that is a risk we ought not to––––. ”

with me.

the phrase was enough to silence her, to think far too much about his words. a mistake, for in her moment of distraction she grew comfortable. the feeling of his chest under hand, rising & falling with his breath set her mind at ease. the beating of his heart, just beside her ear, was sweeter than a lullaby ( if a bit fast––––  were she not so tired, she might have voiced her concern ). but, most of all, was his warmth. every part of him emitted heat, just enough to make her feel as though she was under a warm blanket. before she could think on it, she huddled closer.

“ one night. one, your grace. ”

if this was a test, she would have failed. tonight, she would allow herself this one, simple pleasure. rest. with her most important person at her side.

“ tomorrow, we return to the way things are supposed to be. ”

but, not tonight. not tonight.

[tutelaris]

#TUTELARIS –––– mortality shrouds my vulnerable skin, warm is my greeting heart and shining hope my star; yet humbleness my bread - i welcome you in my world

INDEPENTEND AND SELECTIVE JOTE OF FINAL FANTASY XVI. LOW ACTIVITY. PENNED BY PRINCE (HE/THEY, 27).

AFFILIATED WITH... @opyre, @otlaw

carrd (in progress)