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twentyonehamiltrash-blog · 6 years

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End Of The Rope

A/N: So, i didn’t want to post this. This was suppose to be more for me and letting this all go, but i decided i should add on to the whole thing where i did the being free thing from a bad relationship. So this is it. Not sure this will be the last one, but as of right now i wanna say it is. I wanna say, i finally can move on from this whole thing.

This was it, the end of your rope. Weeks of frustration turning into guilt for even feeling this way. He couldn’t help the way things were going.

His smile would change the way you felt, he would use his charm and then you would forget everything. You would smile and things would be okay again.

You would remember how you feel for this man. He would apologize countless times for ever making you feel the way you did. He was amazing and it bothered you.

You were you and maybe that’s why you got frustrated in the first place, maybe that’s why you always built up these harsh feelings towards him.

The next day, something else would go wrong and that same feeling would return only this time.

This time, it was different. It was a sense of anger, sadness, and whatever other emotion there was combined in one.

The details of this feeling from past situations and childhood memories pointing into one thing, you were done. The end of the rope.

Those perfect brown eyes wouldn’t change those feelings coming in anymore, he could try but you were done. All you knew in this moment, you had to get out of this.

It had to be this way, his heart would be broken but you just couldn’t take it anymore. You were human too and it sucks you can’t express these emotions in more healthy ways, but this was done.

You had stomped to the stairway, grabbing every single item in the way and breaking it that reminded you of good memories. That reminded you of every single detail that brought you to this very moment.

Laughing, you laughed as you related to every single piece of glass that laid on the hardwood floor. The pieces of paper that tied you to this man.

The ring going down to the paper, you had hit that point. All that mattered now was you, getting out of this alive. Surviving, being able to be you again without the pressures of being perfect when you weren’t.

Each suitcase had been filled to the brim, clothes and items you had spent money on that didn’t tie you to him. Part of you felt bad for just running out like this, but you had really enough of everything you could take.

It was like gasping for the first breath of air after holding your breath for so long, it was like the freedom was coming back to you after you finally screamed enough.

After you finally said you had enough, for so many years of being the perfect wife. Standing by your man, watching him do everything in his wildest dreams.

All while you cried inside yourself silently, begging for some sort of hope and happiness inside of yourself.

Crying yourself to sleep silently just so this perfect species of a man could sleep, cause god knows he needed his sleep. He worked so hard every single night.

Last thing he needed was to take care of a mentally ill woman, one who couldn’t tell her own body to shut itself up for a day.

One that was so unhappy inside herself that she couldn’t make this marriage work when it was never her fault she couldn’t.

While he understood why, he was still there. He still held her hand and cherished her. God, it wasn’t his fault and it never would be.

Finally for once, you were yourself again. You were able to pick up your pieces again. You were able to be you, all it took was getting the courage to leave.

All while hurting someone else in the process to be free. He was perfect and it was something she would never be.

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twentyonehamiltrash-blog · 6 years

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Heaven

A/N: Small fluffy drabble. I say small now and it’s probably gonna be an imagine. This is actually titled after a country song, although the artist of this song well his other songs kinda helped me write this. Oh well, anyway enjoy!

His calloused hand rubbed at your lower back while the other moves a single strand of your hair out of your face. His full intent to study you as you dreamed.

Even glistening sweat after fully giving yourselves to each other and your make up a mess after the wedding, you still were absolutely beautiful.

How your head rested on his chest like it was meant just for you to be here, how just in this bed it was pure heaven. He could stay here forever if it meant watching you.

His mind going back to a few hours prior as you stood in front of him, flowers in your hand as you smiled ear from ear.

Eyes locked to each other while the preacher spoke about true love, a love that was so pure that everyone else felt it around whenever you two were in the room.

All while the preacher spoke those words, all he could hear was your heartbeat just from a few feet away. His hands desperate to slid that ring on your finger.

As he stared at you, admiring you in this moment all he could think about was whispering i love you’s like it would be the last time you saw each other. Then that turning into imagining is his future with you.

How many kids you would have, if they would be as beautiful as you or as handsome as him. The two of you would spend your days watching your grandchildren running across the front yard, screaming watch me.

The stories from his childhood about fairytales, this was his. You were his, till death do him part. His vows speaking all the many things you had heard before from him, but they still meant the world.

“You are my entire world, my whole entire life. I can’t picture my life without you in it, i promise you i will protect you with everything i have. I will forever let you know how much i love you till my last dying breath. You are the missing puzzle piece i didn’t know i needed, i will never let you go. I promise to never go to bed mad. I promise to always make you feel wanted and loved. Baby girl, i’m so glad you will be my wife.”

He looked down to the ring on his finger as he rubbed your arm up and down, smiling at it. Still getting used to the site of it and the overwhelming happiness that he felt.

“Nice looking ring you got there Mr. Dun.”

You smiled as your hand went to his chest, snuggling closer as if you weren’t already close enough.

He let out a laugh, eyes going to yours.

“It is, have Mrs. Dun to thank for that one.”

His finger going to your bottom lip.

“Oh yeah? When do i get to meet her?”

He let out a laugh and leaned down to your lips.

“I’m pretty sure you already know her.”

His lips pressed to yours, “I love you.”

You smiled against his lips, “I love you more.”

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twentyonehamiltrash-blog · 6 years

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The Love Is A Lie

A/N: So, i took inspiration from the song linked below. I also took inspiration from another writer @thepatricktreestump. They are so very talented and so absolutely nice! If you haven’t follow them!! So that being said, it’s gonna be an angst central one. Also yay! Two posts in one day. Enjoy.

Listen to this song as you read.

His hand gripped the steering wheel as he watched you from the window, fixing your hair and makeup. He watched you come out the front door of your apartment, the man pulling you into a hug and then kissing your lips.

His insides bubbling with so much anger and jealousy, he definitely didn’t own you but it didn’t mean the plan was to get you to the isle.

He can remember the exact day, this feeling came surface you could be cheating. He had felt it and the day he called you, he heard another voice.

“Are you gonna come over and see me?”

You let out a laugh, “I want too babe. It’s been a long time since tour has started but i’m out with some friends.”

He sighed, and went to open his mouth but the voice came out and it hit like shockwaves.

“Hey, Y/N baby. Do you need more wine while i’m up?”

He heard you let out a shh before telling him you had to go, one of your friends needed your help.

He tried to justify that voice for hours that night, he even replayed the conversation countless times in his head.

He had planned to come see you with a surprise the next day. It would put the whole ordeal to rest and the anxiety of you being unfaithful would go away.

He drove to you, hope in his heart and excitement to see who he bragged about constantly to anyone who would listen.

As he pulled up, he saw the brown haired man standing there. His hand on your waist as your hands wrapped around his neck, his lips meeting yours.

He watched him get in the car and leave, drive away from your home. You waved and stood at the door way, watching him disappear till you went back into the house.

He had followed you for weeks, watching as the same brown haired man would wrap an arm around your waist. It would cause you to laugh but you would press a kiss to the man’s cheek.

Each time he followed you, it hurt worse just watching you pretend like nothing was wrong. Most nights, it would simply be a date and then you would be at his house.

Desperate for his touch and when you would get to what you craved for, you would pull away with a laugh. The red lipstick that had been applied again hours before smeared again.

“Babe, we should wait.”

Josh was understanding and wouldn’t push anymore.

That night when you left his house, he followed you. His phone tightly grasped in his hand as he watched the same brown haired man come to your door, roses and some wine in his hand.

That same smile on your face as you pulled him in by his leather jacket, lips locked as he kicked the door shut.

Both of you appearing at the bedroom window, his shirt and jacket gone. His hands unbuttoning the same top that was on when you visited him earlier.

It hit the floor along with your bra, you were in his lap and then you were on top of him. That’s all the closure he needed, all he could take as he watched his heart being picked up.

For weeks, Josh tried to play it cool. He tried to pretend like he hadn’t seen any of that. It was just some girl who looked like you, for a while it worked.

Then one day, he mentioned cheating. A friend of his, his girlfriend had been cheating on him. All color in your face drained, you still smiled but the look in your eyes gave it away.

The reality hitting like a ton of bricks as you cleared your throat, “Oh really, what’s he gonna do about it?”

Josh shrugged, leaning back into the chair. A hand running through his pink hair as he just shook his head, “Not sure.”

Your hand went to his, fingers running along his as you admired them.

“I love you, y’know? I wouldn’t hurt you.”

God, he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to believe you.

“I know.”

He nodded.

What was supposed to be Josh overlooking this all, the anger caved in and it all took over as he drove to your house for fifth week. Only this time, he would be there to end it.

He couldn’t keep pretending with you anymore, he headed to your door and knocked. His hands going to his back pocket as he heard your footsteps.

The door swung open and the smile that was there faded, “Josh, what are you doing here?”

He cleared his throat, “We need to talk.”

“It can’t wait till tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

You leaned against the door frame, door slightly closed as your hand held it in place.

He shook his head, “No we need too tonight.”

You nodded and stepped outside the door, closing it behind you. Arms going crossed in front of you as you looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“What’s up?”

He sighed, looking at your hands where the ring would have been placed if you had been faithful.

“We need to break up.”

You let out a laugh, somewhat in disbelief.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Look Y/N, i know you are cheating.”

His eyes met yours, the hurt and anger there.

“I see the guy coming back and forth out of your apartment. I heard the voice on the phone that night. I also know he took your virginity.”

You opened your mouth, ready to deny all the claims as you tried to reach for the man who you still loved so deeply but was torn between both him and the other guy.

The door swung open, the brown haired man’s arms wrapping around your waist as he pressed a kiss to the crook of your neck. His eyes coming up to look at you and Josh.

“What’s going on?”

He asked.

Josh’s eyes instantly going to the man, recognizing him. The anger taking over more, subsiding the hurt that was once there. He let out a laugh that showcased how stupid he felt.

“I’m leaving. It’s over Y/N.”

Josh said sternly, as he turned to walk the other way back to his car. Head down as he let the tears fall.

“Babe, what’s he talking about?”

The man asked you.

You turned to face the man, hands going to his chest as you looked up to his brown eyes. Moving some of the strands out of his face.

“Bren, it’s nothing. Just a crazy ex. That’s all, he can’t let go of the past.”

Brendon nodded, he smiled and pressed a kiss to your lips.

“Let’s finish what didn’t get started.”

He pulled you into the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

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twentyonehamiltrash-blog · 6 years

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trench (josh dun x reader)

here’s a bandito!josh x reader for my fellow clikkies (there’s literally no dema fics out there this is sad)

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You clambered down a steep embankment, breath sounding wildly in your ears from the adrenaline overloading your body. Strands of hair irritated your eyes, and the ashy remnants of the torch you had carried hours earlier smeared your hand and upper arm. Sweat glistened on your neck and drenched your clothes as you came to a stop, squinting while you searched for the telltale sign of the banditos in the dark of the night. Nothing appeared on the horizon the first time you looked, but when you swept your gaze back, a fluorescent yellow flag was waving proudly about a quarter mile away, lit by a torch.

Your current disheveled state mattered no longer. You were out.

You had finally escaped from Dema, the society that had controlled you for nineteen years. It was presided over by nine bishops, who ruled over a region each. You had lived and worked (more like slaved, in your opinion) under Keons, who was widely considered the most lenient of all the bishops. But control was control and you had seen Dema for what it truly was—a prison.

Escaping had been no easy task, and you still could be caught at any moment, but you flushed those thoughts from your mind and let the uncontrollable joy wash over you. Your tiredness suddenly evaporated and you ran towards the flag as if you hadn’t been running for more than an hour already.

As you drew nearer to the flag, you could start to see the outline of a figure take place, although you couldn’t tell whether it was male or female since you were still so far away. The person seemed to be dressed in the legendary baggy, outdoorsy clothes of the banditos, but you knew you still had to be very careful.

After a few minutes, you approached the person, your heart racing wildly. “East is up,” you said as you stood before them. This was the code phrase by which the bandito would know that you were an escapee and vice versa.

“East is up,” replied the Bandito (you could now be sure that that was the case) in a deep, almost gravelly voice that was somehow laced with a bit of lightness. “You’ve made it! I’m Josh.”

You took a moment to study him. He was a few inches taller than you, with straps of yellow crossing the front of his gear around his chest. He also wore a hood and concealed all of his face with a yellow cloth except his eyes, which were a striking brown. He was mysterious, sure, but you knew you could trust him. He was a bandito, after all.

You smiled, overjoyed and exhausted. “I’m (Y/N).”

“Well, (Y/N),” Josh replied, “Welcome to Trench.”

“Trench?”

“The area not controlled by Dema, where you can finally be free.” You smiled at his words as their meaning struck you fully.

“Free,” you couldn’t help but echo. A sudden chill night wind popped up, and you pushed away the hair that it whipped into your eyes. Josh took a moment to watch you before speaking again. Somehow, his words were clear and enunciated despite the fact that his mouth was covered by a bandana.

“We’ve gotta keep moving. Our camp is about two miles away. Can you make it?” he asked, folding up the flag and tucking it into a large pouch resting on his hip.

“I’ve come this far; I know I can walk two miles,” you proclaimed, tilting your head upward determinedly.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Josh said, and you could see small wrinkles appear by the corners of his eyes as he supposedly smiled. “Let’s get going. And whatever you do, stay quiet.”

The walk was extremely tiring, you couldn’t lie about that, and Josh had clearly traveled this route many times before, as his strides were long and uninterrupted by the many rocks and knots of ground that tripped you up. However, you kept up with his pace fairly well, and the glow of his lantern revealed towering cliffs on either side of you, giving you plenty to look at as you traveled.

You had countless questions you were dying to ask the man beside you, such as what life was going to be like now that Dema was no longer your home, but his warning to stay quiet rang in your ears. There would be plenty of time once you reached the camp.

The two miles were over faster than you thought, and before long, you found the two of you nearing a series of campfires that were studded with figures around the edges. One central fire was bigger than the others, and you wondered if that was the one used for warmth, while the others were used to cook. It struck you just how little you knew about surviving outside. You knew about fires, of course, because you had used them in Dema for both comfort and preparing food, but other than that, you understood nothing about the outdoors. Dema never let you know what was beyond the walls, and so every step you took in the outside world brought something new and unfamiliar. Josh’s voice rang out, breaking into your thoughts.

“East is up! We have a new escapee!” The figures all turned to look at the two of you approaching the camp.

“East is up,” they all echoed joyfully. They stood up and came to gather around you as Josh led you to the central fire. You blushed slightly at the attention, suddenly becoming conscious of just how filthy you really were.

There were about sixty banditos standing around you. They were all of different heights and ages seemed to vary, although no one seemed to be younger than your nineteen years. There were even a handful of women, which made you more comfortable. One thing they all had in common was the dark green and camouflage outdoor gear that they wore. Each person also had yellow tape wrapped around them in some way. They seemed friendly, but there was a sort of rugged sadness in their eyes that spoke of the things they had been through and the lives they were living.

“Everyone, this is (Y/N). She escaped tonight and she has proved to be determined and agile. Jenna, if you would get her some clothes to change into, I’ll explain some things to her and we’ll be set.” Josh spoke to the whole group, and you could tell he held quite a bit of authority as every bandito listened to him respectfully. After he finished speaking, the group scattered a bit, going about their business. A few came up to you and congratulated you on your escape. One woman came up to you and was especially friendly, pulling you into an embrace that you gladly reciprocated after your initial surprise that anyone would touch you while you were in such a state.

“Welcome to the banditos, (Y/N),” she said, smiling warmly. “I’m Jenna. I’ll be right back with some clothes for you to change into.” She was tall and extremely pretty, with bright blond hair and intense blue eyes.

“Thank you,” you replied. She smiled and walked away to get your clothes, leaving you alone with Josh.

“Well, how do you feel?” he asked you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or more… alive,” you told him truthfully.

His eyes crinkled up again, and he reached up, sliding the bandana off his face so it rested around his neck. “Good to hear,” he said, his grinning face now in full view. Your eyes widened as you took in his appearance.

You had been expecting him to be much, much older than you, but he couldn’t be more than three years older. His face was strong-boned, and his features were soft and welcoming. He smiled at you, and you blinked twice at how bright, weak, and utterly joyful his grin made you feel.

“So, (Y/N), I’ve got a few things I need to tell you about,” he said, taking a seat by the now-abandoned fire.

“Uh, okay,” you said, cheeks warm as you sat next to him. Your close proximity served only to illuminate his eyes even more, and you cleared your throat in frustration, shaking your head to clear your thoughts.

Josh went on to explain to you a bit of how life as a bandito worked. They had all lived in Dema at one point, but now they had made a life for themselves outside the towering walls and helped others escape. Josh said that there were actually around thirty more banditos, but they were on watch. “The shifts change every few hours,” he explained. “You’ll get used to it. I’ll help you out for a few weeks just to get you in the swing of things.”

You smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you so much, Josh. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” He smiled back at you (you may have melted inside) and that’s when Jenna came back, arms full with a dark green bundle.

“Hi, you two,” she said, smiling to herself. “(Y/N), I’ve got some extra clothes of mine for you. We’re around the same height, I think.” You stood up, taking this as your cue to leave. Josh did the same, bidding you farewell as he turned to go.

“Um, Josh?”

He turned back. “Yeah?”

Wordlessly, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him. His body went stiff before relaxing as he hugged you back. He smelled like outside and just the slightest hint of cologne, and you pulled away soon even though you didn’t want to. “Thank you,” you said, looking up at him.

“You’re welcome,” he answered, stumbling just the slightest bit over his words. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you then.” He walked away then, stooping down to enter the flap of one of the many canvas tents that scattered the area.

“Well,” Jenna said. “Looks like you two hit it off.”

You giggled a little, ignoring her comment.

“How old are you?” she asked, switching subjects quickly when she saw your slight discomfort.

“Nineteen.”

“I’m twenty-two. I’ve got a space in my tent where you can settle in. I live with another girl your age named Abby. She’s on watch duty now, though, so you can get changed and get used to things.”

You smiled at her, feeling the tiredness from the past several hours begin to sink in. “Thank you,” you said, to which she just smiled and gently led you to a tent not far away from the main fire.

Over the next two weeks, Josh showed you the ropes. Because of this, you were always together. You noticed that he was always close to you, sometimes taking your hand in his to show you the correct way to do something or protectively placing a hand on the small of your back when the ground was especially bumpy. He always told you that you were doing a great job, and, although you knew it was ridiculous, you had developed feelings for the man. You couldn’t help it; he was just so kind and encouraging, not to mention handsome. But you never really knew who he was inside until one night.

You couldn’t sleep, and so you tiptoed to the tent flap, making sure you didn’t disturb your tentmates. When you were sure they were still fast asleep, you quietly exited the tent and made for the main fire. When you neared the blaze, you saw someone already sitting there, head in hands. You started, beginning to backtrack quickly, but they apparently had good ears and turned to face you.

It was none other than Josh. “You can come sit,” he said quietly. You hesitantly took a seat beside him, cheeks warming as your legs brushed in the close proximity.

“You okay?” you asked him, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. Just up thinking about—” he paused, staring into the fire.

“About?”

“Back there.”

You nodded in understanding. “So was I.”

“I lived under Nico,” he said, still looking into the flames. You gasped quietly. He was well known as the most controlling and bitter bishop. Josh must have had a rougher time in Dema than you.

“I was lucky enough to have Keons,” you said. “But for me, control is control. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I escaped three years ago when I was eighteen,” he said. “My best friend died. He died, and I watched it happen. Nico just… He just…” His voice grew more and more emotional until he trailed off completely. You placed a hand on his arm in wordless support.

“Every night, I can see his face, begging for me to help him, but I was too late. I failed. Why did I make it? Why am I still alive? I don’t deserve to be here,” he choked out, turning to you. His eyes were filling up rapidly with tears.

Boldly, you reached up your other hand and cupped his cheek. “Josh, there was nothing more you could have done. You’re the most deserving person I know. You deserve your freedom. You earned it. And I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe it.”

His eyes looked deep into yours, searching for something. Before you knew it, he had leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. You were shocked, but you immediately kissed back, wiping away a tear that fell from his eye with your thumb. His lips were soft, and the kiss was sweet and more than a little desperate, but it was perfect. He pulled away, resting his forehead on yours. “Thank you,” he said simply. You just pulled him in again, stroking your fingers through his soft hair as you did so.

The two of you sat there, just listening to each other’s heartbeat in the silent night. Sometimes you kissed, sometimes you just rested your head on his chest.

You were both troubled people, but, if only for a moment, your worries were dissolved.

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