two-bit-socrates

[two-bit-socrates]

Everyone has goth sex hormones it came free with your fucking existence.

[two-bit-socrates]

[two-bit-socrates]

It's because being told that my dead baby sister is gone gone and rotting in the ground and there's no form of afterlife and i'll never see her again makes me wanna send atheists to the dead black void they're telling me my dead 16-year-old sister and my puppy are in.

no other religion is telling me that i'll never see her again and i hope anyone who does that gets hit by a crane.

I don't even have a firm religion, I don't think any specific religion is real or right or true, but if you tell me my baby sister's gone, I'm gonna go fucking feral.

I'm gonna see her again, bite my asshole off.

I mean this in the most neutral way possible: This sounds like a you problem.

[two-bit-socrates]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[two-bit-socrates]

I've got two neuro D hacks to share - schizo/psychosis/unreality/catastrophic thinking edition

do you struggle with the idea that thought crimes may actually be real? or struggle with maladaptive emotions? afraid someone will read your vent notes and not understand the context? My hack is to write as if 1000 years from now anthropologists will find my journals and notes and be so damn thrilled with everything that i have written and I try to offer as much info as possible which helps me short term when I'm someone else and i need information from my previous self. What's the future anthropologist gonna do about my thought crimes? Punish me posthumously? Woo big whoop

Magical thinking is my friend and here's why

with the help of learning to reframe things and viewing everything through an artistic interpretive lens I've been learning to ride out harder moments in life that fuck with my brain by embracing the magical thinking through dream interpretations and card/rune/dice divination while double book keeping every day life as I learn subjects and skills to manage and thrive with my brain. Like my cptsd is always going non stop, picking everyone and everything apart but i can use tarot cards and creative skills to look for multiple meanings in whatever im struggling with until i can make my way out of the problem.

That said it can come off to others like you're cold reading people for exploitation depending on what you're talking about so be prepared for that if it comes up. I stopped doing readings for others a while ago cause people kept getting weird with me about it either thinking im a psychic or a charlatan and it's like no im coping and im trying to help you cope too.

But yea if you've ever read the golden compass and how she reads the different layers on meaning into the compass it's like that except I just keep digging until the intensity passes and I find peace again.

So if you struggle with social interactions i'd recommend keeping the divining and dream exploring to your self unless you feel okay with the person asking you for a reading or dream analysis.

[two-bit-socrates]

Yeah that’s an idea I might love

[two-bit-socrates]

I was reading your latest piece and the Arousal-Valence Model hit me like a ton of bricks, what does it mean if I don't experience low arousal emotions?? I have c-ptsd and for example I only experience relaxation during extremely intense experiences, eg being beaten during kink play, rollercoasters, motorcycling, etc. I also don't really any other the other low arousal emotions on the chart like sadness or boredom.

It sounds like you're in a state of high arousal all of the time, which certainly befits having PTSD! One of the hallmarks of PTSD is existing in a state of high-arousal hypervigilance and never feeling safe enough to relax, so those emotions on the low-arousal side of the grid are currently inaccessible to you. That may be valuable to explore. As you work on finding more ways to down-regulate your physiological arousal, you may start to notice those emotions again. Or you can practice trying to access them. Because there is a psychological component to that trauma reaction too -- sometimes when we find ourselves calming down, we think the very act of being calm is unsafe, and we mentally generate reasons to remain alert again.

[two-bit-socrates]

idk if someone already recommended this but - i recently was recommended the website of peter fullerton, a transmasculine singer and vocal coach; he has a whole page of resources on changes to the voice on t, including books, videos, exercises, research, etc. it feels like a treasure trove of resources and i'm really excited to dig into it. as a side note, it was recommended by a podcast i listen to called strong songs; the host spoke to his voice teacher about voice changes on t (both for teens and adults) and the process of re-learning to sing after a voice change.

I'll check him out, thanks!

[two-bit-socrates]

just read a post that described plurality as "having multiple whole people inside of one person" and my instinctive reaction was, hm, well, i'm not quite sure i'm even one whole person. In much the same way that the experiences of asexuals can almost perfectly mirror that of bisexuals, i think i could potentially understand my inner world as something like plurality's negation, which comes with a lot of the same struggles as being plural actually. no full guy here, just some diaphonous feelings floating around and a whole lot of processing power that needs some task or topic to be directed to. it's something like being dissociated all of the time, but it's not always been bad, at some times in the past it's been dreamy. i just feel like a nothing. it would be cool to be able to talk about that and own it and have it accepted rather than it being taken as a performance of self-loathing. i feel empty most of the time, it's not new, it's part of why i can become so obsessive and dependent upon the very few things or people that capture my focus and give me a fleeting sense of purpose, but really being empty is often relaxing, reflective, and like being any other animal (one imagines) would feel. i don't want to have to hate or fill my frequent null-ality. i'm very tired of trying to make certain degrees of human-ness manifest socially for me when they're just, not there. i'm sure many of my fellow BPD heads can relate to this some

[two-bit-socrates]

to answer the anon asking about how to flirt as an autistic woman, i feel like it's so hard to figure out if someone is interested or not, the best thing imo is to make interest explicitly clear. this interest doesn't have to be romantic at first! something as simple as outright telling someone you find interesting "i like talking to you, it's always fun" or "i like spending time with you" sets an established feeling of mutual enjoyment (that doesnt have to be implicitly romantic!!! this works for friendships too :) ). think about how often you think and remember that little compliment someone gave you in passing like that (i know i remember them and think about them) and this sets the base for a more in-depth interest in someone. personally i have trouble forming a crush or romantic attraction to someone i dont really know that well, and i know others often feel the same

of course theres still the issue of "well how do i meet people?" and that will vary depending on your personality, what you like, etc. some good catch-all advice is showing up to events on your interests, and something as simple as "is someone sitting here" or "do you mind if i sit here?" does a lot for starting a conversation. i personally struggle a lot with those unspoken friendship rules, but i saw this video that explained a lot of these in a clear manner and they make a lot of sense!! looking back at my friendships, they all seem to form in a very similar way https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGEVVtQSJ-r/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I've been practicing telling people specifically what I like or admire about them lately, and it really makes them light up! We just can't take it as a given that those feelings are coming through, and everybody we love dies too soon so we might as well get our feelings out into the open while we can. It feels nice to do.

[two-bit-socrates]

just read a post that described plurality as "having multiple whole people inside of one person" and my instinctive reaction was, hm, well, i'm not quite sure i'm even one whole person. In much the same way that the experiences of asexuals can almost perfectly mirror that of bisexuals, i think i could potentially understand my inner world as something like plurality's negation, which comes with a lot of the same struggles as being plural actually. no full guy here, just some diaphonous feelings floating around and a whole lot of processing power that needs some task or topic to be directed to. it's something like being dissociated all of the time, but it's not always been bad, at some times in the past it's been dreamy. i just feel like a nothing. it would be cool to be able to talk about that and own it and have it accepted rather than it being taken as a performance of self-loathing. i feel empty most of the time, it's not new, it's part of why i can become so obsessive and dependent upon the very few things or people that capture my focus and give me a fleeting sense of purpose, but really being empty is often relaxing, reflective, and like being any other animal (one imagines) would feel. i don't want to have to hate or fill my frequent null-ality. i'm very tired of trying to make certain degrees of human-ness manifest socially for me when they're just, not there. i'm sure many of my fellow BPD heads can relate to this some

[two-bit-socrates]

[shares 2 traits with a character] this is absolutely insane we are the same person

[two-bit-socrates]

I know someone in a polycule whose partner has a firm "I will not be in a polycule with any white people" policy (both of them are POC). When I first heard of that rule, I thought wow, that sounds a little controlling of whom your partner dates, I don't know about that, and certainly my own whiteness was probably a factor in how i responded to hearing about that. but at the end of the day, a person is allowed to put their expectations on the table, especially with regard to dynamics like the ones that get kicked up when whiteness is a factor in relationships, and it's far better to be direct about what you want, to even be "unreasonable" in your demands in the eyes of *some* people, than to fold in on yourself and swallow your true feelings and have them come out in some toxic, sideways fashion months or years later into the relationship because you thought you weren't allowed to be selfish, or demanding, or god forbid have any kind of impact on a loved one's life at all. like. you're partners. you are gonna affect one another's lives. it's okay for dating you to come with limitations and a reduction of other options, that's kind of what making space for someone in your life means. we make sacrifices for the ones we love and we do that gladly, often, because it means they are taking up a bigger and more meaningful space in our life. i dont think that gets talked about enough. and it's i think especially common for white poly people to not be used to this idea of actually making real changes, concessions, and sacrifices for other people because we are used to living such profoundly atomized, individualistic existences where anyone who threatens our freedom or peace gets immediately cut out.

[two-bit-socrates]

i’m online and ready to look at a picture!

[two-bit-socrates]

Me and my handful of broken twigs

[two-bit-socrates]

Thinking about John Gaius and that fucking Barbie doll. He’s still a little boy playing with Barbies. He turned dead teenagers into dolls. He turned Gaia into a doll. He turned all his friends into dolls. It’s his MO. Every planet he kills becomes part of his Barbie dream house. His empire has no living parts. It’s all built from bones and plastic. It’s fantastic. Come on Barbie let’s go party.

[two-bit-socrates]

P.S. If you have time travel, come to my birthday party Saturday!

Deposition [Explained]

Transcript

[Cueball approaches Ponytail, chiselling a rock on a shoreline next to a river with shallow rolling hills in the background] Cueball: What are you doing? Ponytail: This river empties onto a passive continental margin.

[Cueball and Ponytail stand talking, Ponytail holding several flat rocks, in an otherwise empty and frameless panel] Ponytail: If I chisel notes onto these rocks and throw them into the sea, they might be incorporated into some shale cliff in the distant future.

[Silhouetted scene of Ponytail as she throws multiple rocks off frame to the right, Cueball watching from behind her] [From off-panel, sound effect of a rock hitting water:] PLOP

[Two 'bug-eyed aliens', sitting in personal 'hover-saucers' look rightwards at an exposed rock-face. A pick and shovel are left stuck in the ground, and one of the 'saucers' sports a mechanical arm currently holding a loose fragment of rock] [Panel label:] 100 million years later [Text originating from the held rock fragment:] This bedrock inspected by No. 5