typical-mimes

[typical-mimes]

Garcia: How early is too early?

Reid: *philosophical answer*

Rossi: Depends, if you take vodka at 5 am, which I didn't do, that is too early.

Morgan: Waking up at 8 am is too early.

Prentiss: Waking up at all is too early.

[typical-mimes]

*Morgan and Unsub fighting*

Prentiss: Can I get a waffle?

*Morgan slams their head on a counter*

Prentiss: Can I PLEASE get a waffle?

[typical-mimes]

[At Disneyland, on the teacup ride]

Hotch and Rossi: [spinning calmly, talking]

JJ, Prentiss, Garcia, Morgan and Reid: [flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming]

Rossi: I told you not to bring them.

Hotch: The real question is how did all five of them get into one cup, Rossi.

[typical-mimes]

*on a road trip*

Morgan, driving: WHY DOESN'T THE GPS WORK

Hotch, shotgun: We're in a no wifi zone.

Morgan: THE POINT OF THE GPS IS TO HELP US NOT GET LOST AND WHEN WE NEED IT MOST, IT'S GONE AND DIED

Prentiss: I'm pretty sure we're going in circles.

Reid: Also we never left the neighborhood.

JJ: And you didn't turn it on.

[typical-mimes]

Guys

[typical-mimes]

I love that demily is the only ship we use first names for cause otherwise the name would be porgan or dentist essentially and that ain’t it

[typical-mimes]

Jack: and i will protect you because i am the MAN of the house

Garcia: isn't Hotch the man of the house?

Jack: ...there can be two and dad can use all the help he can get

[typical-mimes]

Criminal Minds as John Mulaney Quotes Part 2/?

Hotch at Prentiss and Morgan

Elle and Tara <3

Bau at reid

Morgan

The bau after one of them gets kidnapped again

Prentiss, Rossi, Elle

Jj

Rossi’s Grandparents, Matt on a bad day

All white male unsubs, in their late-teens-mid twenties

Reid and Morgan

(Quality sucks I’m sorry, I’m case you can’t read it it says “Do you have a Best Buy rewards card?” And I replied “no, I wish!” And then my wife said “Jesus Christ!”)

[typical-mimes]

Criminal Minds as John Mulaney Quotes Part 3/?

Hotch

Reid

Gideon making fun of the unsub while he’s at gunpoint, Rossi

Reid

The entire bau because they all have daddy issues but especially Reid

Unsubs when they pretend to have a religious agenda

Family and suspects being interviewed, Reid when people ask if he’s high

Rossi and Morgan to Reid

The Simmons family

Rossi when he speaks at colleges

[typical-mimes]

Morgan to Reid: 10 bucks and I'll drink it.

Reid: You're on.

Rossi: Drink what?

Morgan and Reid: This melted candle.

[typical-mimes]

Emily: jj, you’re like an angel with no wings

JJ:

JJ: so like a person.

[typical-mimes]

Reid: Could you hire a hitman to kill me please?

Garcia: Can I just be a hugman who hugs you instead?

[typical-mimes]

Emily: Welcome to salsa class! Ready to dance?

JJ, hiding a bag of chips: I think there's been a misunderstanding-

[typical-mimes]

Derek: Well, when life gives you lemons!

Reid: Actually lemons are man made- they are a cross between a bitter orange and a citrine. So no, life does not “give you lemons”

Derek: Just accept my advice

Reid: It’s invalid advice

[typical-mimes]

Emily: Well, slap my ass and call me Sally-

Hotch, massaging his temples: Emily, this is the whole reason we're having this HR meeting.

[typical-mimes]

Emily: well I’m gay

JJ: ...

Emily: and I can usually guess how long to microwave food without looking at the box

Emily: I’d say those are my two main skills

[typical-mimes]

Derek: you made me watch all eight Harry Potter movies. I don’t even like Harry Potter

Penelope: that’s insane! You love Harry Potter, you’ve seen all eight movies!