typicalfish-blog1

[typicalfish-blog1]

Bringing back the old self

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There's no more reason for me to live. I have no purpose.

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Everything was my decision.

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Yung lalaking sinasabi niya na nagcheat ako, ayun, diring diri sa'kin na hindi ako kaya kausapin. Bakit? Kasi nung na-rape ako, alam nya. Nakita nya na tatlong lalaki yung kausap ko. Hiyang hiya ako sa taong yun, hindi ko masabi sayo kasi alam kong hindi mo ko papaniwalaan. Pero hindi ko naman na din ipipilit papaniwalain ka.

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I have no one anymore. Instead of ma appreciate niya na nagoopen up ako sa kanya, mas pinili niya talikuran ako. How? Kasi iniisip nya, tinethreat ko siya, para na daw akong si Noreen. Isusumbong nya daw ako sa mommy ko. Im sorry, If you feel that way, I promise to keep it to myself na. Good bye, love.

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At times like this, pills would be the answer. Thank God for sleeping pills...

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There will always be a loss, there’s no if’s or but’s about that. If you lose an amazing person from your life – that leaves a hole in your heart that nobody else can ever fill… You can find happiness, you can find other people and things to fill your heart in other places… but the space that belonged to that person will always be empty. Because human beings are unique and complicated creatures, and when you combine two of them together you get a love that is just as unique and therefore irreplaceable. So don’t try to replace them because you can’t… and get out of the mindset that you’ll never love anybody as much or that no other relationship will compare to what you’ve lost. You don’t love people ‘more’ or ‘less’ than each other – you just love them differently. 
The way you love somebody else will be different yes – but it will not be ‘more’ or ‘less’ or ‘better’ or ‘worse’… just different… and that’s okay. You will find love again, but it’s never going to be the same love… and it’s only when you’re able to accept that and open yourself to the idea, that you’re finally ready to move on.

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That's it. I have to stop already.

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For you, bitch!

Hi, I just want to ask, who do you think you are para sabihin na hindi ko mahal si Joerem? Alam mo ba mga pinagdaanan namin? Alam mo ba side ko? Just because you know Joerem you think you earned the right to conclude such things when in fact you don't even know half of our story. Hindi ko gawain mag-pm ng mga nakakausap niya, kahit nga mga nilalandi SIYA/niya DATI lalo na nung may apartment sya sa Pasay, di ko nagawa mag-pm eh, i know things and yet i refused to say anything because I was trying to be decent. Stop saying shitty things about me for your own benefit, it just shows how shitty of a person you are already. Wala kang alam, wala kang basis sa mga pinagsasabi mo kaya tumigil tigil ka.

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Putangina niyo. ☺️

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Gago, aminado ako na tumakas ako para uminom, pero hindi lumandi! Mga pakyu

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Who do you think you are para sabihin na hindi ko mahal yung kausap mo? Gago ka pala eh, yan na nga lang yung rason bakit di ako nagsuicide ng ilang beses eh. Yan nga yung nagpalakas sa'kin sa tuwing baon na baon ako sa lupa eh. Yan nga rason bakit ako malungkot at masaya at the same time. Yan nga yung rason bakit may konting konting tiwala pa ako sa sarili ko eh. Yan na nga lang motivation ko para makatapos ako eh. Yan nga yung rason bakit gusto ko maging better eh. Gago, hindi ako lumandi, tumakas lang ako para sa inuman pakyu!! Kaya wag na wag mo sabihin na hindi ko mahal yun. Gago. Pokpok ka.

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Tangina ano pa bang pwede ko maramdaman na lungkot? I'll sleep. I'll fucking kill myself by sleeping. On July 24, 2017, I'll sleep for good.

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That was it. That's the end of our love story. As much as I want to pull you back, Im choosing to be coward and watch you find perfection to others. I wanna get mad to you for talking to others. I know you don't need them. All you need is me but I don't wanna be selfish anymore. You know I have fucked up my life, he even doesn't know that I drink that night because I got three zeros in my quizzes and I failed practical exam in one subject. Im choosing to let you go because I know wala kang mararating in life kapag ako yung magiging kapartner mo. You need someone like your ex or the girls you've been chatting. I have a good feeling they're good for. They are way better than me. And I know, you wanted to stay in America and I know din na Im the main reason kung bakit ayaw mo muna bumalik dun. Gusto ko mareach mo yung goals mo. Gusto ko maging masaya ka ulit. Yes, tumakas ako, but wala akong ginawang kaguhan. Hindi ako magpapaalam sa nanay mo na iinom ako kung may plano ako gaguhin ka. Anyway, hindi mo maiintindihan yan, masyado ka na nasaktan. Basta ang alam ko, isa lang kasalanan ko sayo. And eto yung pagtakas ko. Joerem, siguro nga, hanggang dito na lang tayo. Kahit ayoko ng iba, kailangan ko palayain ka. And oh, one more thing, may something na kay Eugene and Faye and Im happy for them. Always eat on time and please take care of yourself. Wala ka na maririnig sa'kin. Pasensya ka na kung nasaktan kita sa pagtakas ko. Ikaw lang mahal ko.