typicalphilocalist

[typicalphilocalist]

18

I turn eighteen in 29 minutes.

Well not exactly because I wasn't born at the stroke of midnight but that's not what matters. I get this sickening, scared feeling the day before my birthday every year. I cant remember when it started. Probably when I was 13 - that seemed to be when all the horrible things started.

I just got off the phone with my best friend, the one person on earth that might understand me and I still cant articulate who or what or why I am, not even to her. I cant articulate my happiness, my anger, my fear.

My fear that eighteen isn't going to be as good as seventeen, or god forbid, its going to be better. That doesn't make sense, does it? I fell in love at seventeen, I made art, danced drunkenly in the streets of my hometown that I know I'll leave behind without even a trace of myself rotting on the broken pavements. Maybe at eighteen I'll do those things again, another heartfelt autumn, another jagged winter, another gut-wrenching spring and another wasted summer. I never heal, no matter what - I just gather what's left in my bruised arms and carry in forward.

I'm scared, I think, that when I turn eighteen, it means I'll have to turn nineteen after that. And after that, twenty. It's so normal, so casual that as we age, we lose everything we once cared for to make room for reality. I don't want to lose the sharp, piercing dreams my youth provided me with - although sometimes I struggle to believe I ever had them in the first place. They're more like ghosts now, lingering on my shoulders and whispering sweet pleas of doubts, vengeance and regret into my ever-waiting soul. I can still feel them though, like shards of a broken mirror.

I think as we need our hands more to carry the weight of our realities, of the lives forced upon us by society, we are forced to carry our dreams not in our gentle, caring hands as a whole; but broken into the biggest, most important pieces before lodging them into our skin, our flesh - our vital organs, so they remain an important piece of us. We bleed for them, as there's no other way. The greatest minds always turn mad by the end of it all, but I believe that's because eventually, they had no where else left to lodge the shards of their scattered dreams but their heads, their eyes, their brains. And so they became them.

I turn eighteen in 13 minutes. I'm scared people will call me cray, or mad, and maybe in fifty, a hundred, a million years time, I will be nothing. I want to be anything, anything at all but nothing.

[typicalphilocalist]

Watching shitty horror movies because I am bored easily entertained: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014 Sequel?)

MINOR SPOLIERS AHEAD!

This was rated 66% Rotten Tomatoes and 5.6/10 on IMDb and for the life of me I can't figure out why.

This film is not presented as a sequel to it's 1976 counterpart as much as it's seen as a reaction to it. The film from the 70s, based on the actual TexArkana moonlight murders of 1946 by The Phantom Killer, was featured and spoken of in the movie. By some characters, it's even referred to as disrespectful to the victims - what would that make this then?

Without revealing too much, the plot twist was - to me anyway - unexpected, but overall uninteresting. I didn't see the reasoning, and by the end of the film it seemed like they were just killing characters off for a 'shock factor' that wasn't truly there.

The actors themselves were pretty good, there was no terrible terrible acting but nothing and nobody in particular stood out to me. They gave the main character a Tragic Backstory™ to try make her more interesting, but to be honest it was a bit irrelevant and didn't add anything to her character, and I don't see how it affected how she acted in anyway towards the main plot.

To be honest, this movie managed to consistently bore me - unlike most bad horror movies, that at the very least entertain you with how terrible they are, this one kind of just bores you to death as it entices you with it's being based on true events only to wean off that line of interest and try to create its albeit original but terrible plot that is loosely based upon the past.

[typicalphilocalist]

How to show emotions

Part IV

How to show bitterness

tightness around their eyes

pinched mouth

sour expression on their face

crossed arms

snorting angrily

turning their eyes upward

shaking their head

How to show hysteria

fast breathing

chest heaving

trembling of their hands

weak knees, giving in

tears flowing down their face uncontrollably

laughing while crying

not being able to stand still

How to show awe

tension leaving their body

shoulders dropping

standing still

opening mouth

slack jaw

not being able to speak correctly

slowed down breathing

wide eyes open

softening their gaze

staring unabashingly

How to show shame

vacant stare

looking down

turning their head away

cannot look at another person

putting their head into their hands

shaking their head

How to show being flustered

blushing

looking down

nervous smile

sharp intake of breath

quickening of breath

blinking rapidly

breaking eye contact

trying to busy their hands

playing with their hair

fidgeting with their fingers

opening mouth without speaking

Part I + Part II + Part III

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[typicalphilocalist]

Is this part important to the plot?

No, but it is important to me.

[typicalphilocalist]

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something