u-wont-guess-who

[u-wont-guess-who]

the love i dream of is the person cuddling me or touching me every second, someone i could discuss my books with , someone i could cry in front of, someone who would be possessive and protective over me ( i swear i would eat this up), someone who would never weaponize my insecurities or vulnerable moments, someone who would keep my secrets, someone who would randomly buy random stuff for me, like it doesn't need to be flower it could be hello kitty eraser and i'd still feel pampered. someone who would compliment me, kisses on cheek, forehead, face, neck. someone who is calm and wouldn't shout , someone who has an high eq and understands me someone who isn't oblivious to me, someone who is chatty, someone who has a lots of interests, someone with whom i can travel the world, someone with whom i can fart in front of without being embarrassed or something (no i don't fart alot but if he laughs cuz i farted i woudn't like it) someone who is smart and who would listen to me and is able to fill gaps in my knowledge.

[u-wont-guess-who]

It's true tho, I may be unique but I am not special for anyone. And it's not even the people's fault or mine. I'm just built this way. I am sort of there, the side character, the random side character. I may have friends but I'll never have the guts to be vulnerable to them because i don't even have any hobbies or any interests. i am such an idiot while dealing with people because it's not that i'm afraid of talking i'm more afraid of being cringe or weird or not being relatable enough. and because i don't have any interests , i don't have any common topic to talk to people and because of this i'm just stuck to the surface talks. i'm also not on social media so i'm not aware of the latest trends. (i remember jab arnav brokhan mei tha and voh mujhse voh reels wale sawal puch rha tha and mujhe kuch nhi samajh aa rha the and i didn't knew what to say, bachpan mein bhi voh, harshal aur mamu mera majak udate the and mujhpr haste the and mera toh uss time koi dost bhi nhi hota tha bachpan mai mai itni khush hoti thi na ki mujhe kabhi bhi uss time apni lonliness itni hit nhi krti thi jitni ab krti hai, voh anmol ka yoga wala prank, voh eek time jab mai itni khushi se sandwhich layi thi aur maine 6th main riddhima se pucha tha if she wants to eat it with me and she was like kyu and voh bahar chali gayi class se, pata main uss din kitni khush thi ki main sandwhich lekr aayi hoon and jab maine usse pucha she was like kyu and usne hass kr bola tha but it was not in a mocking way she was just confused kyu because ig tab hum dost nhi the idk i don't remember but uss time mai kitni out of it hoti thi mere sath koi bhi nhi hota tha but main phir kitni khush hoti thi ab toh voh sab kuch bahar aa rha hai. 1st class mai jab rishit meri insult krta tha, 2nd class mein toh meri jyoti aur dhwani ke ladai hoti hi toh unmein se koi bhi meri side nhi hota tha, 3rd class main meri dost aarshia hi thi but idk that class is a blur and ig meri baat puranjay, aarshia, eek voh do lec ke bache , alvira se hoti ti i think phir 4rth mein toh i think main adwik , sanchit aur inse ladti rehti thi aur ig tab meri baat muskaan , aanya, sreeparna aur prisha , ayana aur arisha bhi se hoti thi, 5th mein eek hi dost thi meri and that is asmi and ig meri angad se bhi baat hoti thi 6th mein meri dosti ho gayi thi riddhima aur prisha se but meri baat harshpreet avani se bhi hoti rehti thi 7th and 8th i had no one, 9 and 10th and 11th mein i had aadya and aarshia and ab 12th mein i have prisha, aarna, geet, prakriti, aanya, aadya and haan ab main nhi consider krti kanika ko as a friend. i'm just fucking done with her, bitch. coming back i just feel like i'm there i always feel like the outcast , like I'm not THE OUTCAST but no one really talks to me unless they have work and i don't talk with someone else until i have work with them too. there's nothing different or new about me that sets me apart from people, i tend to usually merge in the background and i can't imagine a guy liking me? like what would they even like about me? my face? i'm pretty but not that pretty and i look weird in uniform and it's not like i have a weird quirk or anything. tbh i just noticed that many of the people i used to talk to were outcasts and i feel like i just used to lend them a shoulder cuz i wanted someone to lend me a shoulder too. i really really know that i'll probably never have a boyfriend and when i get married and i have a husband it's all going to be so formal like idk i don't think i'll ever like or he'll actually like my personality cuz my personality is literally mirroring the other person likes and dislikes cuz i don't really have none of mine and i would just try to fit in with them so that they like me, it wouldn't even matter to me whether i like them or not i'd just want them to like me. i'll support them whenever they are low or need someone to rant to or just to cry or smthing but i'll probably never have the guts of crying infront of then and be vulnerable in front of them with my own choice.

[u-wont-guess-who]

even though aaj mera bday tha and main aur aarshia besties nhi hai she still wished me, i was so horrible to her, maine usse wish tab bhi nhi kiya jab hum besties the. but pata hai eek bahut hi chhoti si voice mere mann main se keh rhi hai to stop beating myself over it cuz usne mujhe hamesha inferior hi feel krvaya hai and agar usse issi cheej ka guilt mujhe feel karana tha toh ab main nhi feel kr rhi guilty. everything happens for the good. she was a really good friend, she helped me when others didn't but that still doesn't excuse the times she made me feel inferior because they cut deeply coming from her. i didn't needed a person to laugh at my every small mistake when i was learning harmonium.

[u-wont-guess-who]

It was my birthday today, the day started out as usual , I procrastinated and then read some random notes from my notebook, which don't make sense at all. then i went to give my Jee main 2 test and i cheated in it, i thought i had practised physics but clearly not because i cheated in all three subjects. i came through a cab and cried in it while listening to a sad song and i felt as if i was in a movie or something and when i came home, talked to a few ppl who wished me happy bday and then i went and got cake which i didn't even eat and then when everyone was asleep i cried for one hour while listening to sad songs and i feel so at peace. but I feel determined too, i'm going to finish my chem and physics investigatory projects during this night (physics ka toh almost ho gaya complete)

[u-wont-guess-who]

IT'S MA BIRTHDAY 🥳🥳🥳🥳

[u-wont-guess-who]

I just heard my cousin brother( he's in 4th grade) say something so degrading from the balcony to a random maid walking on the floor and i am so angry at him. hearing him shout "kya hua aunty, tyre puncture ho gaya toh mai laga deta hoon" from the 2nd floor while laughing just makes me wanna throw him off a cliff. i think guys like him grow up to rape girls. itna badtameez bacha kabhi nhi dekha maine. i just really hopes he grows up and isn't this shameless and above all i wish he never harms a girl . i may think in extremes but hearing A FOURTH GRADE KID say this really unlocked a new fear in me.

[u-wont-guess-who]

How do I correct this and get better ??

if you were praised for being smart as a child and now feel crippling sensations of inadequacy when you don’t instantly know how to do something perfectly clap your hands

[u-wont-guess-who]

I didn't even realise when 'home' became 'house'

Parents have clearly failed at being parents when the only reason you study is to leave this house

[u-wont-guess-who]

I just cried so damn good that I feel so happy rn

[u-wont-guess-who]

Parents have clearly failed at being parents when the only reason you study is to leave this house

[u-wont-guess-who]

My mother is such a bitch

Shes a snitch

And I hope she fucking falls in a ditch

[u-wont-guess-who]

Really need some good luck with all this backlog piling on me

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[u-wont-guess-who]

reblog if desi

(just for an approx estimation of no of desis on tumblr)

[u-wont-guess-who]

I still remember I cried 3 years ago on diwali because my sister hugged me and while crying alone I realised that she was the first person to hug me in 4-5 years

[u-wont-guess-who]

This hits too close to home :(

[u-wont-guess-who]

This hits too close to home :(

[u-wont-guess-who]

Yrr mai Sabah se lago hoon mujhse question solve hi nhi ho rhe ....aur ho nhi rhe toh mai procrastinate kr rhi hoon .....yrr asa hi chloe rha toh main issue that ko chod kr ja hi nhi paungi. I'll be stuck with them aur na mai pagal ho gayi hoon. I'm tired of listening to my moms fucking shrilly voice I am not able to stand her I dont like her at all why tf god has not given her a good brain???