ubaruchin - Tumblr blog

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Ten of Swords 

Three years ago, I designed my first card, The Ten of Swords. For this brand new tarot deck, I’ve re-designed this card, so I hope you enjoy.

The Modern Witch Tarot deck preorders go live in just a week, on May 14th!!! Info here: https://bit.ly/2vSlsxv

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Tumblr Tuesday: Ten Years Too Good

It is with heavy heart that we regret to inform you that the initial report on beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure did, in fact, occur on this day ten years ago. One decade, comin' right up. Of course, it wasn't until a year later that the practice of categorizing our blorbos as cinnamon rolls began.

Tumblr, wherever you are on this Tuesday, please enjoy the swirly breads.

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Yeah, I can see this ad running in the pages of a 23rd Century mens' magazine.

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The Addams Family Christmas - art by Charles Addams (1947)

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My cartoon for this week’s Guardian Books.

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The Onion is getting too real

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my latest for New Scientist

Lots more here: www.newscientist.com/author/tom-gauld/

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a comprehensive list of everything Pliny the Elder had to say about periods

Pliny's first century encyclopaedia, Natural History, had an entire section on periods. and literally everything he had to say about menstruation was incorrect.

if you take off your clothes while menstruating , it can stop whirlwinds, lightning and storms at sea

but it will also kill young plants and vines such as ivy and rue

on the plus side, if you walk barefoot through a field while menstruating, it will cause all the bugs to fall off the crops

don't do this too early in the morning or it'll kill all the crops too

don't touch beehives when menstruating, or the bees will leave

avoid period sex with during an eclipse because that'll straight up kill the guy

"matters of a most dreadful and unutterable nature" (worse than the above)

laundry will turn black while you're boiling it

cooking or doing the dishes will make the pans greasy and smelly

touching a razor will blunt it

looking in the mirror will tarnish it

but dw if you stare at the back of the mirror for a bit it will go back to normal

being near a dog while menstruating will drive it mad

touching pregnant horses will cause them to immediately miscarry

if it's your first period, even *looking* at the horse will make it miscarry

on the plus side, this property of period blood means you can mix it into contraceptives to make them more powerful

anything purple that you touch will immediately become dull

literally

even the ash from burned fabric which touched menstrual blood will make your purples fade

in Judea, specifically Judea, menstrual blood can cut the flow of bitumen

even swords made of steel can't do that

relieves gout when spread on it

mix with rosewater and apply to the temples to soothe a headache

mix with wool of a black sheep to cure malaria

put on a cloth and wear in your clothes to cure rabies

yes that directly contradicts the mad dogs thing

he wasn't consistent at all

smear on someone after an epileptic seizure to revive them

touch facial sores or boils to cure them

neutralise spells by evil wizards

simply smear menstrual blood on the doorframe and the curse is gone

luckily all of this can be averted with one weird trick: carry a red mullet fish with you, always

you can read Pliny's menstruation chapter in its entirety here.

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looneytunesbackgrounds

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my latest cartoon for the @guardian

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Guy Billout, from Illustrators 26 (1985)

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Original

It had generated a complete reference with title, author, and everything. Completely fabricated.

It’s not a search engine, it’s a crappy imitation of one.

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‘Our Town’s Libraries’ which I drew for the @nytimes recently… Speaking of libraries, I have a new book out titled REVENGE OF THE LIBRARIANS and I am visiting Brooklyn NY, Philadelphia PA, and Columbus OH with it in the next week. Visit tomgauld.com for details…