uberhoe

[uberhoe]

maybe we had bad timing maybe we were toxic to each other maybe we’re meant for each other in another life i still miss you. // Pt 1. Craigslist Confessions.

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when some1 u love txts u

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A

i’ve been in about 3 long term relationships and everytime I think the length of dating was proof of love

now i have been in a relationship with a complicated and tender girl for the past 5 months, and she is truest i have ever loved. 

she taught me vulnerability and plugged a genuine life into me that i could not do myself. this relationship challenged me in new ways that i might not have been prepared for. but who is ever really prepared? i’ve learned that chaos meddles itself into good things, and i am obligated to love the pain because it helps you grow. but fuck that, i was continuously growing in that relationship 

and yet she was unhappy. the trauma of never knowing permanence, the issues she constantly told me about herself, why did I ever believe that just love alone could pull through it. its me and not you, she kept reminding me. but my insecurities overwhelmed me like a flood in an instant. i went back to a place where i thought ‘oh this kind of love was never reserved for me’. all i want is to help her through her issues but its something she has to do alone.

we’re ‘working on each other’ now. everyday has been rough, i feel obnoxious begging for her internally. hope was something i used to cling on and now im not so sure anymore. im not up for the risk of having something so fufilling being taken away by chaos or chance. for now i’ll keep working on myself, but i feel a sense of heavy loss with everything i do

this is quote i’ve been reflecting on

“I'm the same man now that I was when I changed See, the birth of a star is a death of it's fate”

                                                         - Reuben and The Dark

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“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

— Maya Angelou

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“I love love, its tenderness and its cruelty.”

— Robert Desnos, tr. by Bill Zavatsky, from “No, Love is not Dead,”

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how is it that we have made a culture out of paying a heavy price.

— Xiao Yue Shan, from “the nation of aphasia,” How Often I Have Chosen Love

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© in the flower bed — Indeed Magazine

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“That was not what she needed. What she needed was a love that would absorb her whole being, her reason, her whole soul, that would give her ideas, an object in life, that would warm her very blood.”

— Anton Chekhov, from Complete Works of Anton Chekhov; “The Darling,”

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being held??????? holding someone?????????!!??????? fuck

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Black Dahlia Photo by Christopher Lee Hewitt.

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Photo by Connor Wells on Unsplash

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[uberhoe]

Mara Held, Four Clouds, 2014, Egg termpera on linen over panel