ughhdamnitjerry - Tumblr blog

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Lol I’m stuck in a vicious cycle

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Feels like every woman in the world wants to get married. I decided to fall in love with the one that never wants to. 

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Yeah ima love her for a while

[ughhdamnitjerry]

dated a girl for four months never said love.

I said it to this girl after a week.

a girl who made it clear she did not want a relationship

a girl who made it clear monogamous relationships are not for her

a girl who despite all that, rocked my world.

[ughhdamnitjerry]

I wasn’t gonna post this. But this randomly became some of my best writing. The last 6 weeks have been nuts. Craziest 6 weeks in recent memory. so I’m gonna post it here anyway. No tags. 39 days.

You asked me in the car for the things I love about you, or something like that. But I’m gonna start this a different way. Just hear me out. This may seem dramatic lol but I mean every word.

39 days. August 20th until September 28th. Just 39 days. I fell in love with you probably less than a week into those 39 days.

I hate that.

I hate that I fell for you in less than 39 days.

I actually hate a lot of things about this situation.

I hate that I don’t know if I’ll ever know how you truly felt.

I hate that all the trauma you’ve endured and seen has hardened you and prevents you from maybe getting the love you deserve.

I hate that you don’t even want that kind of love.

I hate that you won’t let yourself feel love. Even 39 days later.

I hate that what I showed you wasn’t enough to pull you out of it or maybe make you think differently.

But it was just 39 days. It’s hard to change a mind like yours in that kind of time.

Also in those 39 days, I realized that when you set your mind to something, you’ll accomplish it. You’ll work for it, you’ll make it happen.

I hate that me and you wasn’t something you were willing to set your mind to.

I hate that you fear the pain more than you want the love.

I hate the guy that made you start to feel that way.

But 39 days after I talked to you the first time, and now also after the last time we talked, I love you.

I kinda hate that. It’s like a punch line ya know? Who says I love you to someone they met like once? What a joke. It’s something to be laughed it. People will laugh at me when you tell them. But fuck em.

Because these 39 days however tough they were at times for me, were among the best days of my life. And this isn’t hyperbole. I fucking mean it.

In these 39 days I fell in love with you, your empathy, your heart, your face, your body, your hair, your soul, your bruises, your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your smirk, your pure fucking joy at little things.

Yeah 39 days later I’m in love with you. 39 days later I’m still wishing you allowed yourself to feel the same way. 39 days later I’m wishing I could’ve done more. 39 days later I’m wishing I could’ve changed your mind.

39 days later I’m just wishing there was a day 40..

But it’s 39 days later and we gotta say goodbye. 39 fucking days. How fucking short is that really? It’s a drop in an ocean of time. But we agreed. 39 days later.

So now after day 39, I’m gonna fucking miss you. On day 40, 41, for many days after, that feeling won’t change. Even if I never text you. Don’t take that the wrong way.

Just know you made an impact on me in 39 days. And how you were treated on days 35-39 is how you deserve to be treated for a lifetime. (Honestly maybe days 1-39 actually because I was pretty amazing)

39 days later is goodbye.

Goodbye. I love you and I’ll miss you. I hope you find what you’re looking for if anything. And I hope you stay happy forever because you deserve it more than anybody.

[ughhdamnitjerry]

lol i fell in love in 39 days with someone who never wanted to commit and said it from day 1. a true simp. the simpiest of simps is me. the second person i ever loved. blah 

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Various Girls I’ve matched with: you’re an amazing guy. You’re a good guy. No red flags. Also girls: but no thanks. We can be friends tho. Every fucking time

[ughhdamnitjerry]

It happened again.

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Why am I so sad

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Two girls. Both amazingly fun to talk to. Both not options. One is too religious. Her dads a pastor. And her folks don’t drink. Huge nonos all around. But she’s mad fun to talk to. Second girl: perfect. Legit. Amazing conversations. We started talking days after she broke up with her ex and her ex came back so now she’s giving him another chance. Shit never works my way.

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been ghosted twice. By the same girl 🙋🏽‍♂️

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Girl: I think ghosting is a bad thing this generation does

Also girl: (ghosts)

[ughhdamnitjerry]

You’d think I’d be used to the heartbreak by now

[ughhdamnitjerry]

I’m in such a ducking depressing mood today I just need to get it out. I wanna die sometimes. I should be happier than I’ve ever been. My brothers getting married this weekend. I finally moved into my own place. But I just feel so pathetic and lonely now. I was eating dinner alone watching handmaids tale. And I just looked at myself from the outside. It’s just sad. I saw my ex moved onto a new man. What’s with girls moving on so damn fast after me? Blah. I think the loneliness is killing me. I just wanna share happiness with someone. If I had someone I’d be beyond happy right now. I’m doing so well. But I’m so sad.

[ughhdamnitjerry]

Today’s her birthday and it’s the first time I’m really upset about not being with her 

[ughhdamnitjerry]

“You’re such a great guy”

And yet that’s never enough

[ughhdamnitjerry]

And just like that it’s all over