uglycourage - Tumblr blog

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Zaina Miuccia photographed by Ivar Wigan for Gut Magazine

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Wolf with a huge chum salmon that it caught in Fish Creek, SE Alaska

Photograph by Nancy Wagner 

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come on brain yip yip

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ok i know we already knew she gets it but……. she Gets it

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Itsmaeril

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[uglycourage]

💀 102 YEARS OF HORROR 💀

NOSFERATU, premiered MARCH 4, 1922 • dir. F. W. Murnau, screenplay by Henrik Galeen, design by Albin Grau; starring Max Schreck, Gustav von Wangenheim, Greta Schröder.

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[uglycourage]

I am officially on Hiatus from MIFIRA.

But, this is not new information. It just puts a name to the past few months of absence as well as where I'm at currently regarding the story

The lack of a laptop has been a bigger setback than I could have ever anticipated. Remember me saying a few months back that I looked forward to seeing how my writing differs when I'm hand-writing everything? I was so optimistic, so naive ... The reality is my thoughts rush almost constantly, always have. A keyboard can keep up with that, my hand and pen can not. Especially when I'm so deep into a story that already has an established flow to it

Beyond the above, what it also boils down to is -- its been impossible to come up with anything. I reread the story, I look at and add to my notes/outline. All of this, numerous times. Over and over again. The flow and motivation simply doesn't come, and I know better than to try and force it

Rest assured, the headspace for this story is not gone, it just doesnt want to come out.

I find that these sorts of things have a way of cycling back around. Maybe the less I try to chase after it, the better chances are of it returning?

In the meantime, I've lost myself to a brand new hyperfixation... a German mountain of a man I didn't know anything about prior to a month ago. Hoooooooly balls have I lost myself! I didn't think I could daydream about someone else as frequently, intensely or romantically as I do Mr. Ledger, but this is not the case, as I've so thoroughly learned

Maybe this is a good thing as it'll give Mr. Ledger a rest from my imagination so he can return as the Joker with a vengeance when I least expect it

I do believe in hyperfixation burn out... thinking or relying on someone or something so strongly and intensely that you not only lose interest in them/it quicker, but it ends abruptly and without warning. Mr. Ledger has been a daydream companion since he passed in 2008, popping in and out of my imagination and thoughts at his leisure

He's been working overtime the last 3 years. He needs a break.

I have no doubt he'll return

Does this all make sense? Or am I weirding you out?

((On an irrelevant side note, I finally figured out why I am the way I am. The mental health journey I embarked on this year isn't going the way I expected at all, but I'd never have learned the things I have about myself if the road wasn't so non-linear. If you're on a similar journey too, don't give up. Sometimes a breakthrough arrives just when you need it most)).

Back to this post-- I am writing bits and pieces of a story for my current hyperfixation, and there is a good chance I'll be posting that story when the time is right (if I can ever get over the cringe I personally feel writing RPF)

I'm mentioning all this for the sole purpose of reassuring you I've NOT abandoned MIFIRA, I've not banished it to the pits of hell, I've not assumed my uglycourage 2.0 form that has a persistent case of amnesia... ...err... um... err... what was I saying... beep boop, sneep snoop... doo doo doo... where am I , what year is it, WHO A R E Y. O. U. P E O P LE

Recap. My pulse still beats. I am officially on Hiatus from MIFIRA. New German guy hyperfixation make my brain and loins go brrrrrr! I'll probably pursue the story I have in mind. Doesn't mean I've abandoned MIFIRA. It's just that the focus/attention/motivation/flow is not there

I would rather write something than nothing at all, because at least then I'm working out that muscle. So, when Ch. 45 finally is ready to write, it will hopefully be a more seamless transition into it

I am sorry the news isn't better. I'm sorry my focus has a willpower of its own. But your girl hasn't forgotten you, your support, or this story

I'm Rick Astley, bitches.

[uglycourage]

hi, lovely. i just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing! i am here and ever so patiently waiting to see what you do with chapter 45 of mifira 🥰 haven’t stopped thinking about every single other chapter since i read them all. it’s truly such a masterpiece. thank you for everything you’ve written <3

Thank you for inquiring, lovely. How am I doing? I'm doing. Neither good nor bad. I think about MIFIRA all the time, but truthfully, it's been near impossible to get back into the headspace of writing the story. Things are so different internally then they were when I updated Ch. 44 in March Sobriety, mental health treatment, intensive trauma work, anxiety about unemployment & living situation ... these things preoccupy my mind more than anything

I'm sorry, I wish I had better news. I wish I could say - ANON, I HEAR YOU ORDERED A SLICE OF CH.45... WELP, ONE SLICE OF CH.45 COMING RIGHT UP!

Regrettably, I can't give you any information about when CH. 45 is coming. But I'm at the library currently, re-reading some of the later chapters and re-working some details in my outline. A little at a time, when I can spare the focus

Please feel encouraged by this. If I ever abandon this story, know that I've died and my soul has taken up residency in the toasty afterlife I'm sure awaits me

[uglycourage]

This first image from NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope is the deepest and sharpest infrared image of the distant universe to date. Known as Webb’s First Deep Field, this image of galaxy cluster SMACS 0723 is overflowing with detail. Thousands of galaxies – including the faintest objects ever observed in the infrared – have appeared in Webb’s view for the first time. This slice of the vast universe covers a patch of sky approximately the size of a grain of sand held at arm’s length by someone on the ground.

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MIFIRA UPDATE

My laptop got the infamous blue screen of death recently, so until I can afford a new one I am without that resource for the foreseeable future.

But this is okay as the motivation for MIFIRA seems to come in cycles. In truth, I’ve been distracted the past couple months with finding another job, detoxing/withdrawal (the joys of being an addict), applying for State healthcare so I can finally afford to see a psychiatrist, and my brain in general jumping from hyper fixation to hyper fixation because it needs to constantly be stimulated. So, it’s been tough for MIFIRA to have the solo spotlight when there’s so many others points of distraction.

But the passion for this story will never die, especially when I have such encouraging, thoughtful, and infinitely kind readers as yourself. I say it all the time in my author’s notes… this story would not be as far along as it is without you all. I wouldn’t be nearly as motivated, nearly as confident uploading. I love hearing your thoughts, positive or constructive. I love wondering what’s going to happen with you, conveniently forgetting that I already know. I love the love you have for this story as it gets me to fall in love with it in ways I didn’t know I could. It’s not even a question that if I ever publish an original novel, y’all are getting a shoutout. Screw the preface chapter where I talk about the writing process of my book, imma list all your usernames. Yes, that includes you, username satansdeliciousasshole666.

On the note of writing and updating without a laptop- Ill be handwriting future chapters and then stopping at my local library to type up and post them. Wild saying that, it’s been almost a decade since I’ve had to do things that way. I’ll be intrigued to see how my writing varies between being able to speed type on my laptop vs. manually and patiently writing by hand. I’ve always preferred the former because my thoughts naturally race and a laptop has always been able to keep up with them. But many writers swear by the latter method… I’m curious to see the difference, if any.

The bottom line is I am working on the story, it just might be a lengthier process for now, having to do everything by hand.

Sorry this post doesn’t bring better news, I really wanted to get chapters uploaded in correspondence with the summer season being upon us (in the northern hemisphere anyway). So that it seems like Jack and Celine’s adventures are more plausible to envision happening all the way up in Maine.

I’m about to head to the library now to reread some former chapters. There is always something to re-edit and that helps me get back into the groove of a story.

Happy almost summer, thank you for sticking with me for so long, and I wish you all a safe and lovely weekend ✨

[uglycourage]

Virginia Woolf, A Passionate Apprentice: The Early Journals 1897-1909 

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LMAO Celine sighting confirmed