uhmidkman

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

i am genuinely so over myself and how i act and what i do. it makes me sick

[uhmidkman]

Mentally and emotionally disowning your family at such a young age sucks because yeah, you can live under the same roof, drive in the same car, share the same fridge and use the same doors.

But from that moment on you’re kinda just painfully alone and hollow that you may as well live with roommates that want nothing to do with you and taught you to never need anything from anyone ever again

And you never learn how to love properly, you speak less and you’re socially and emotionally crippled to the point you never want anyone around to remind you that you can’t feel the way others do.

you just kinda exist and you kinda just accept you’ll never not feel and be completely alone, and bitterly cold inside and out, so used to neglect and silence your brain doesn’t even waste time on feeling anything you just kinda never grow out of that kind of loneliness..

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

I should have hated you earlier

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

why am i even bothering with sobriety and cleanness at this point. all i wanna do is be high and forget how fucking miserable im gonna be for the rest of my life. just for a few hours. but i cAnT because tHinGs WoNt EvEr gEt BeTtEr iF yOuRe uSiNg. who the fuck cares if it gets better at this point? it obviously fucking won't. i'm trapped in this fucking disgusting body forever. the least i can do for myself is make myself happy for a little while.

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

Girlfriend will ask me what i ate or whatever and all i gotta do is make her laugh an she wont ask again. Sometimes being a clown has advantages

[uhmidkman]

[uhmidkman]

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

[uhmidkman]

ADHD is so debilitating and it isn’t talked about enough. Imagine your body doesn’t produce enough of the most essential neurotransmitter. You are constantly seeking this neurotransmitter through any way possible, and it’s why you get addicted to doing things or focusing so heavily on something you forget to meet every single basic need.

You sit there and question what the fuck is wrong with you because it was so easy to study yet you just didn’t do it. It was so easy to do the things you stopped doing but you literally can’t do them.

Like wtf do you fucking mean I was born with a chemical imbalance that makes me incapable of getting up??? Wtf do you mean I have to take stimulants to counteract crippling ADHD symptoms, and then those stimulants actually just make me like everyone else????

Dude. What the fuck.

[uhmidkman]

„but you survived“ but i didn’t want to lol. i wasn’t supposed to. i hate that i did. i’m angry that i did. i want the pain to go away so badly.

[uhmidkman]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again