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I don't want to take anything I have for granted now, I realize that I have something special that I can't find anywhere in a hundred years. All good things must come to an end I understand that, but before that time comes I want to be filled with love, joy, and memories that'll last for a long time, not empty regrets over what could've been.

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You don't know how long I can stare at your picture

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i hate being cooped up, I'm sick of it. I want to go out, I want to go outside, have conversations, share laughs, and smoke with my friends. fuck this loneliness that's gnawing away at my mind that makes me go feral inside. fuck the fluorescent light that's slowly blinding my eyes every time I lay down to look at the ceiling. fuck the noise of the air conditioner that grows louder as the seconds go by. fuck the darkness I'm in whenever I turn off the lights. fuck the ear-deafening silence that pierces my ears whenever I turn off my air conditioner.

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And I don't care what they say to me, I'm doing it differently

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I'm so grateful to have friends that are so caring, and so loving. So much so that we treat each other as if we're family, talking every day whether it is the important or the mundane, going places together, experiencing many of our firsts together, and being there through the ups and downs.

But sometimes I do wonder, how did this become as it is? people with different backgrounds, beliefs, personalities, and sometimes contradicting opinions, can come together and be the best of friends? to understand each other, see things through a different perspective, see both sides of the coin, see each other's flaws and still accept them for what it is, to love them and cherish them? fate or coincidence, I'll never take these people for granted.

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But you know in small towns What goes around comes back around,

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nowadays I prefer doing my nightly routine after midnight, even if I'm ready to do it at 10 pm. I think maybe it's because for the past few weeks I'm always home around midnight, so I had to do it at that time regardless. At first, I was scared to do it since you know, everything was silent and I'm a major scaredy cat, I usually hate those ear-deafening silence, it felt like time stopped for a moment during those times, I hated those first few days of doing it. But I've gotten used to it and now I really like the silence, puts my mind at ease somehow, usually I worry about this and that during the day like my mind was somewhere else far away, but when I'm brushing my teeth at 1 am felt like my mind is chilling on a sofa comfortably without a worry in the world.

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It's even funny when you stop to realize I'm just nineteen, and how serious can anything be anyway? Not very