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Writing Initiative № 07

What have you learned about yourself doing this self-directed assignment?

I got to intimately know my-self through trying not to be my-self. In making my alter egos I had to identify what is "me" —my temperment, my strengths and weaknesses, my preferences, my "voice" in writing— to construct a person who is not me. The most beautiful thing was that, in trying to do so, I created two people that are unboudbtedly reflections of me. Every decision that I made, to create them, is a decision that reflects me. It is a beautiful thing to be able to see your-self in 3rd person in this way.

What did you find to be the most difficult aspect of your chosen assignment? Creativity? Research? Connecting design to research? Craft? Organizational skills? Time management? Something else entirely?

The most difficult part was consolidating the work at the end, knowing there was not enough time—not enough time to develop the work as intended, not enough time to document all the nuances, not enough time during my final presentation. While making my final presentation I was faced with the grief of contextualization: that there was no way to capture everything, no way to draw a border that encapsulated every detail. But there is a beauty in this, in not having everything explained, in leaving room for interpretation. And it is the skill of curation, i learned, when writing, to be able to pick and choose what strings together best to create meaning.

Also, there is relief in knowing in late May, I will have the Ada Slaight gallery to put up the work. So I have the time to refine and tinker with things more.

What did you enjoy about this opportunity?

The ability to be trusted with my established research process, and the range of possibilities to scaffold my own elaborated project within the curriculums guidelines.

How would you rate your performance over the course of the semester?

I finish this course fulfilled with my making and writing, and most importantly, with more motivation to keep refining my work; so I would consider this a successful semester. I also am proud of the opportunities I took to bring this project outside the classroom— writing an essay about Mademoiselle G for a UofT journal, and the upcoming exhibition.

Hindsight is 20/20. What would you do differently, now that you've had this opportunity to work this way?

Perhaps, it would have been better to document more of the process along the way, when it was fresh in my mind. It is much harder to remember details once they accumulate. But overwhelmingly, I am pleased with my process throughout this project.

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Reference/homage: City of Glass (1985)

It became clear last night. After returning from finishing the 4th drawing, two things were obvious; 1) my subject knew they were being tailed, 2) they are communicating to me. Every path creates a variation of the letter "I", or rather, a transition from the capital "I" to the lowercase "i." What are you trying to tell me, my dear subject?

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Reference/homage: City of Glass (1985)

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Reference/homage: City of Glass (1985)

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4D Artifact: Revision

As I was approaching the deadline, I realized the possibility of making a film was slimming. Also, I was stuck in the fact that this film would be a primarily visual artifact, but the stage that it was supposed to be investigating language... so I asked myself, what sort of artifact (film/video) would actually be constituted by language, rather than just representing it/being about it?

Revised idea: record the presentation that I make in the final crit. It would not only be the literal 'dialogue' between my two other pieces, but it would also be entirely facilitated through language as opposed to moving image.

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4D Process: continued film sketches

On April 1st, I booked out the photo studio on the 5th floor to take some footage of myself that could be used for my 4D film.

**Edited in retrospect: I didn't end up using any of these; the day after, I had altered my idea for the 4D artifact (see 4D process: revision)

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2D Process: paper tests

In preparation for my final critique presentation/installation, I tested to see what paper would be best suited for printing Mlle G's photographs. I tested heavier cream paper (~80lb cover), cream newsprint paper, white 80lb text, and the simple white 20lb text (printer) paper. I ended up going with glossy 80lb from the print shop to attempt to mimic real printed/developed photographs.

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Postmodernism is, if someone asks in one sentence, it is deconstruction of self, and the other, and language, or the representation, or the meaning. Its a kind of system that we invented, a network of signifiers, which in fact, is not a product of, as Marx liked to argue, a "base". itself it has a life, it creates life, it creates reality, the language itself. the language itself, the representation itself, creates reality, including hyper reality. it makes us to believe in things. to see things which is not there. and according to the critique of modern, media society, they thrive off this critiques, of how we are vulnerable to the representation. Representation is not presentation of the real. it is RE - presentation. This is platonic, even. Plato argued that what you see is re-presentation of what you don't see, of IDEA(L). the notion of, or power of language, in a way, as a tool for us to render certain interpretations and understanding of our reality has become powerful tools or weapon, to provide certain images of reality and how we perceive the world and world around us. Thus, semiotic and linguistic theory, which became extremely pop after 60s, they also had a major contribution to unpacking: these are NOT neutral. language is not a reflection of reality. it itself is active, it itself is a devices that in fact help to produce conception as well as misconception. Thus one of the most fearful domain of our life that we need to deconstruct and reconstruct, et cetera.

Soyang Park, Week 11 postmodern debates lecture, HUMN3013 MODERNITIES: Critical Perspectives (00:15:10)

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I write differently from what I speak, I speak differently from what I think, I think differently from the way I ought to think, and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness.

Kafka

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Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire. The world, unfortunately, is real; I, unfortunately, am Borges.

Jorge Luis Borges, Labyrinths: Selected Stories & Other Writings

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3D Installation — Test 2

The detective is the one who looks, who listens, who moves through this morass of objects and events in search of the thought, the idea that will pull all these things together and make sense of them. In effect, the writer and the detective are interchangeable. Paul Auster, City of Glass (1985)

(the gimmick of this piece: the person Paulina is tailing, is herself.)

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3D Installation — Test 2, process

In one of the critique rooms on the 3rd floor, I tested a more refined rendition of my 3D piece, in a setting more alike what the final installation would be. This was done with an old table that I found in my storage at home, which will act as Paulina's "desk."

The images below index the artifacts included on the desk (the image descriptions briefly detail their relevance), including the following, in order: two doilies, Romanian books, an old map of Europe, Orthodox artifacts (cross pendent, pocket book of prayers, wooden diptych), an Orthodox incense burner, a small bottle of mir (blessed/holy scented oil), a candle (without a wick?), old phone(s), a portable/compact chess set, a mirror, a bird whistle, a bottle of pills, a red notebook, a small box with "found" artifacts (some mir, an Orthodox pendent, a cork from a bottle of wine), some feathers, some print artifacts from Aiyana and Sanchari, photos from Mlle G., and a wine glass + empty bottle of wine (not photographed separately but visible in the desk set up).

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4D Process: preliminary sketches/test shots

I went and recorded some test shots with Nehir and Celine for my 4D (film). Inspired by French new wave, I want to make something intentionally choppy, handheld, etc. Sketches are loosely guided through depicting self, other, body, and communication.

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(4D Process) thumbnails, storyboards, sequencing

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Writing Initiative № 06

Which piece did you present to the class today? How does it relate to the other pieces previously presented?

This week I presented the first tests I did for my 2nd alter ego (Paulina)'s installation. Now that I established who she is—a designer/writer turned "detective," investigating the limits of body and self—and from where she is (Romania), I could begin specifically curating things for her desk. This includes a Romanian dictionary, Romanian and English books, readings like Freud (Id, Ego, Superego) and Lacan (Mirror Image), and Mademoiselle G's photos from the last taxonomy in her photo series, Liminal Bodies (capturing bodies blending with/fading into the landscape, similar to the Nabokov quote: "It may be wonderful to mix with the landscape, but to do so is the end of the tender ego.")

Describe 2–3 specific strengths your classmates found in your work and their reasons for identifying them.

My peers were interested in the variety of artifacts presented and what they told about the alter ego implicitly. They also enjoyed the fact that Mlle G's photos are included, implying an interaction between these two 'people.'

Describe 1–2 specific ways your classmates thought you could improve this work going forward.

The current iterations of the installation showed a few variations of organization: more orderly (as if the desk was tidied), more messy (looks like its been used/research is in progress), and very messy (chaotic working). My peers told how they preferred the in-between stage, where it looks like the desk is in use, but its still navigable as a viewer.

Finally, you have now had a chance to present each of your projects (2D, 3D, 4D, Reflective) in process to the class. Produce an image of each one and describe how an aspect of your word is manifested in each piece.

This is not the case for me. My circumstances have created a different trajectory for my progress, and what has yet to be developed is my 4D (film) and reflect (exhibition) both are dependant on the 3D stage being resolved first. But, since the beginning of the semester, I have scaffolded how each piece manifests my word. 2D is an investigation into spatial borders, by Mademoiselle G. 3D is an investigation into corporeal borders, the borders of self, by Paulina Austeru. 4D is an investigation into the role of language in delineating borders and constructions themselves ('Mademoiselle G' and 'Paulina Austeru'), and the investigation of textual borders, textual bodies (words), by "Alexandra Maftei". The reflect is the final "circle" encompassing it all, the "curation" and rationalization of all of this work by Alexandra Caroline Maftei.

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3D Installation — Test 1

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INTRODUCTION:

Paulina Austeru (3D Alter-Ego)

A feminization and balkanization (Romanianization?) of "Paul Auster", the author and protagonist of City of Glass (1985). She is a designer who spontaneously becomes a 'detective' after an ambiguous phone call...