unattainabledreams - Tumblr blog

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“I think I could eat.”

“Alright. You hungry for anything in particular? I could totally go for a burger right about now.”

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“You have my sympathies.” And he meant it, truly. “…Friend things? What are…friend things?”

“Well, we could grab some food, hit up the arcade or something... Maybe prank the department directors? Y’know, friend things where you just hang out and have fun.”

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“He didn’t, no. He did compare you to a puppy once or twice. …Which I’m not exactly sure what that even meant, to be honest.”

“Yeahhhh... You’re not the only one he’s said that to I think...” Flashbacks... Probably better not elaborated on. “But anyway. You’re not disappointing me, and you’re not getting rid of me which means we should do friend things. So friend, what do you wanna do?”

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“It’s fine. I hear that often enough. I’m…glad we became friends, as well.”

“Excellent! You said it. I hope Angeal warned you there’s no take-backsies with me. Friends for life!”

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“It’s good to know I haven’t disappointed you. At least there’s someone.”

“Honestly, you kinda surprised me. Don’t takes this the wrong way, but I kinda expected you to be... I dunno- disinterested at first? But I’m glad we became friends.”

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

“‘Oh, you’re so cool, I cannot believe I’m actually meeting you in person!’ inevitably turns to disappointment when people actually meet me.”

“Well I always thought were pretty cool. And guess what? I still do, so there.”

[unattainabledreams]

lifedxbt​:

“I can’t speak for anyone else, but if that was you-” 

Tseng loosened his tie and undid a few buttons of his shirt to pull it open. He revealed the shiny, newly healed scar from where he had been carved open. But he also revealed other ones, in that small area of bare skin; a bullet wound, the creeping burns. 

“- Then you did not do anything I’m not already used to. Angeal forced your hand and Aerith… I think assuming she didn’t know what she was doing, at any point in time, would be an insult. She was smart and capable and prepared to do what she needed to. We all hurt people. But if you had no control of yourself then you’re far more forgivable than people like me.”

Zack recognized a number of the scars, slow healing wounds from old battles and more recent... Those dealt by his own hand. But even if Tseng was used to injuries, that didn’t erase the guilt. How his posture dropped on seeing them would confirm without his saying that he’d been the one there, the one used used- responsible -for that. But the Turk’s next words managed to draw his watering-gaze up from the injuries back to his face. Zack knew Tseng, and though most saw him as cold, he knew the difference in his expressions, and this was a rare one he wore as he spoke.

Aerith knew what she was doing.

He was right, of course. To assume otherwise of her was a disservice... She always defied expectations, and it was that levity Zack always found refreshing and grounded him when things were dark. “You knew her longer than I did...” And perhaps better. It was an odd background between the Ancient and the Turk he’d come to learn, but it also meant Tseng would also be the best person to judge what Aerith would make of what he’d done...

All he wanted was to be forgiven by her. He might never know, and so Tseng’s thoughts would be the closest he could get to closure. “But if you think she knew...”

[unattainabledreams]

lifedxbt​:

It only took a moment for Tseng to understand. He knew the details of what Hojo had attempted - the copies of his greatest creation in the wake of a horrific slaughter. He remembered how sick he had felt, attempting to run cleanup before Veld had stepped in. He felt that same sick now.

He took in a deep breath and looked at Zack. He could see that he blamed himself, though Tseng did not. 

“I think… I think she would have appreciated that you were there, in any sense, in her final moments.” He wasn’t used to comforting people but he believed his own words. “She truly did love you. I’m sure she still does.”

“Tseng-” His composure was fracturing fast. Even though his friend believed what he’d said, Zack felt so hollow that thee words seemed as though they simply dropped into a void.

Did she know it was him in the end? How had she felt? Abandoned? Betrayed? She’d come to mean everything to him and he’d silenced her permanently... Eighty-Nine Letters sent, only to be replied to in blood.

All he could be glad of was that despite his actions she had succeeded in time, summoning Holy. But wherever she was now, within the lifestream... Their existences were entirely opposed and his heart ached. “I shouldn’t be here-” The Ex-SOLDIER spoke with the burden of many regrets.

“This wasn’t how any of this was supposed to happen. Angeal, You, Aerith- I never wanted to hurt any of you. But it keeps happening. And I’m tired of it being me...”

[unattainabledreams]

Broken puppy noises.

[unattainabledreams]

lifedxbt​:

Tseng watched the younger man, saw the pain and loss written in his features. He knew how much Aerith had meant to him, how much they’d meant to each other. It was a tragedy that they’d both had to experience the loss of the other.

“I wasn’t under the impression that you were with them.” He tilted his head slightly, Zack’s words were somewhat confusing. “Though, my memories of it all aren’t perfect.”

Another cheated death. How many was it now? They didn’t get easier.

“I wasn’t exactly.” For months he’d followed them, so close yet so far. They had no idea he’d been around. Not even the Turks. He’d wanted to help, and tried to help, but all he had succeeded in had been the likes of hunting in the night when the others slept. Any time he got too close, however...

Her...

Too real were the memories, and he did remember everything. Zack saw, heard and felt all of it. "Something happened to me. And while I was there... it also wasn’t me. But I still-” He hesitates again. “I can’t help but feel responsible because-”

The blade had been in his hands, though they were no longer his own as silver hair streamed behind him- Zack had meant to end the cause of all this, that accursed calamity, the source of everything. But his eyes had lied, his mind had lied. It wasn’t JENOVA he had pierced... 

“I killed Aerith.”

[unattainabledreams]

lifedxbt​:

Finding out the ex-SOLDIER had lived had been a blow; it had filled him with relief but it didn’t assuage his guilt. The gap between them had widened, Tseng had done so much that was unforgiveable. When he found out, he’d decided not to approach. He’d had those letters finally delivered to him, and left it at that. 

He was unsurprised, though, that Zack choose to find him anyway. 

He seemed torn up, and the mention of the Temple had Tseng’s chest burning. “I don’t think your presence there would have saved her.”

Those letters had remained in the case in which Tseng had sent them to him. He hadn’t yet been able to bring himself to open them, and to do so would hurt too much. They remained safely in his accommodations with what few belongings he’d reaccumulated (Little more than some new clothes in honesty, Materia, and a new sword.) since joining the WRO on the down low.

Still, he appreciated Tseng’s sending them, even if it hurt... It had helped him reach the decision of being alright with actually meeting with the man again. He knew they shared grief over Aerith, but Tseng needed to know the rest.

“I...” Shiva- he shouldn’t be choking up already. He knew the Turk didn’t intend for words of comfort to sting, but the reality of events barbed their receipt. Fuck. “But things would have played out differently had that been the case... That is- if I wasn’t there.” He couldn’t meet Tseng’s eye.

[unattainabledreams]

For @lifedxbt​

It was finally over, but even in the months after he'd regained himself the weight of what had happened and what he'd been forced to do still haunted him day and night. Zack was meant to be relaying some updates and requests from Commissioner Tuesti to be passed on to Rufus, but for their former (as Zack would consider it) friendship along with the wounds dealt to the man, he felt he owed the Turk some explanation.

"Hey..." He began somberly. It was an unusual reunion. Did Tseng know? Probably not- not what really happened at least. No one knew. He hadn't told- confessed -to anyone but Reeve just where he'd been until now, or what he’d done. He hadn't even approached Cloud yet...

"So uh..." An awkward head scratch. He hesitated, going over in his head just how to explain all this. "I'm sorry-" For what? For so much, every failure and short falling that lead to disaster after disaster and only served to put those he cared about in difficult positions. More often than not, left bleeding out. "About the Temple..." And oh Gaia so much more..

[unattainabledreams]

Distressed Zack noises.

[unattainabledreams]

Lose yourself in a dream

Perseverance ;

Whether you recognize it or not, you've got a strong soul. Your last thread of hope might be fraying and thin, but it's still there. You're still holding onto it. I promise it'll be worth it to keep holding on. Over time, you'll notice that it's easier to grab. You won't feel so weak anymore because things will be easier. Things will get better because you command them to. So keep your head up, yeah? You've still got some people to prove wrong

Tagged by: @cultivatxr​

Tagging: @warofthebeasts, @shieldofvalor, @wastedsword, any anyone who wishes to pinch this!

[unattainabledreams]

// I’m gonna flex my timezone and capitalize on it being the 13th some places in the world still for Crisis Core’s 13th anniversary. But also it’s Munday now for me, so here’s two birds with one stone. So have a Zack cos selfie.

I need to fix up my Zack cosplay some more again to re-wear him some dayyyy.

But yis, have a he. ❤

[unattainabledreams]

“  [ Hollow ]  is supposed to evoke rain    [ .  .  . ]   when Nojima wrote the lyrics in Japanese,  he titled the song  Empty  Sky,   and when translating the lyrics,   the official title became Hollow.  ”  

[unattainabledreams]

warofthebeasts​:

The more they stood in their embrace, the more Sephiroth began to realize and understand that it was real. It was no dream. He had always been something far more easily grounded through touch, through feel; the harder Zack squeezed him, the more he touched reality. The more he was allowed to touch Zack’s hair, his fingers endlessly stroking, the easier it became to believe.

“I…don’t know, either.” And long gone were those who might have known, though wasn’t that a very big might?

In the end, who had known what?

“Are you…all right? I’d heard…”

Although his partner’s presence was reassuring there was still an unease. “-Nope.” A nervous laugh. The unfinished question had so many potential implications at this point... Zack tucked his chin in so his forehead rested on Sephiroth’s shoulder. He’d heard “Which one?” He spoke into the man’s chest.

He knew it wouldn’t be about Angeal at least. Angeal died by his blade years ago. "Genesis just vanished who the fuck knows where... I almost died. And then she...” His grip tightneed again. Sephiroth would know who he meant. What she did. “Tseng- She made me leave him to bleed out in the temple. And then Aerith-” He swallowed once more. Another of his closest friends. How many people did they need to lose between them? He felt responsible. No matter what. It hurt. Even if it had been her, he was the one there who did it.

And now their fate lay inevitably at Cloud’s feet. Would they kill him too? Or would he lose his partner instead?

“I never want to hold a sword again.”