underestimatedmomma-blog

[underestimatedmomma-blog]

Hello everyone! Let's talk about something that doesn't really get talked about, not that I can tell at least. So just a few short months ago I have birth to a very handsome 7 lbs. 10 oz, 20 1/2 inch long boy. Yay! Congratulations to me, I am super in love with my boy! He is my first born. So some people think,"Awwww being a fort time mom is the best!". If you are one of those people I am going to stop you there, not in a mean way of course, how would you know ,that before I gave birth to my handsome boy, I became a mom 4 years ago to my FIRST baby! I did not give birth to her, but I did accept her into my heart and life like she was my own. The love I have for her is just as strong as the love I have for my son! Let me tell you a little about how this happened (short version):

Back in 2016 I was just a normal 20 year old still living with her mom and twin sister and younger brother. In the apartment above her grandfather and older sister. I worked at McDonald's, making minimum wage, still figuring out what I wanted in life, like what I wanted to be, what I wanted in a man, figuring out who I was and praying I wasn't going to stay at McDonald's forever. Also hoping I wasn't going to be like my mom l and be alone at 45 years old!

So it was the year of 2016 like alot of young adults around my age, I may or may not have had a dating app called POF, and for you dating app virgins out there, Plenty Of Fish was the full name of the app. Just like many other apps, POF had a swipe left for no, swipe right for yes.(If my memory serves me right) I swiped many rights and even more lefts, because just like other women I have a type lol. I came across a picture, of a handsome man, holding what I assumed was his infant child. He had a smile that would knock any person off their feet, beautiful eyes, muscular, nice hair, etc. So me being the daring person I am, took a chance and swiped right, thinking to myself that someone who looked like me(5'4'' and on the chunky side). Just a few short days later I get a message from this daring swipe to the right, and we hit it off. He was a single man, who was having a tough time in the world as an adult, and because I'm a sorry for them type, we talked for awhile and decided to meet up, in the presence of a close friend of mine, because you never know now a days. We hung out, watched TV, he was very gentleman like. He didn't know his boundaries, so I had to make the first move, and it's not what you think, it was just holding hands lol. The time came for our meet up to end, so he hugged me goodbye, and said he would talk to me later. The best part about that night I remember, was his first compliment towards me was my eyes, then get this my hands lol. Never have I been complimented on my hands before. But anyways we hung out every day after that. I do have to admit I felt bad for him, he was homeless, and unfortunately he had a drug addiction that was getting the best of him. So my soft heart took him in, I was nervous at first because I didn't want to be used for just a place to live and food to eat. When it came to his daughter, that I assumed was in the picture with him, she lived an hour away with a family friend of the birth mom. The birth mom refused to let him see her for the longest time, despite many attempts. When he found out she was not in her care, he started taking her on the weekends only while he got his addiction under control. After seeing her on the weekends, every weekend for a couple months, the birth mom, also a drug addict, threatened to take the baby away to live near the border of Canada. After that something clicked in this new found boyfriend of mine saying enough is enough, he got clean and when he felt confident enough, he picked her up on a weekend and never brought her back. Now let me say, they were married at the time and there was no custody settled in court so he legally could do this. He was living with me and my family, and I felt something about this man where I felt nothing but pure joy to help this man realize his full potential as a father, a CLEAN father. From that moment on, he was the best boyfriend and dad I have ever seen. He stayed clean, worked, and provided for his child.

I never started introducing myself as mom to this infant, I was always known as my first name. I didn't want to label myself as mom to this innocent soul, because we both didn't know if our relationship would last, because it was still new. I watched her while he worked, and every day I watched her grow, and learn, I was falling in love with this child, just like I was with her father. I knew I couldn't have one without the other. From that moment on my life changed. Our relationship became more serious, we fell in love, I met his family, he met mine. We knew there was something between us. After a year of fighting his ex for custody, he got full custody, with him being the sole legal guardian. It took so long because she never showed up, she was in a downward spiral, and showed no interest in getting better for herself. We tried to work with her, get her help, make her apart of her child's life safely, but she wasn't working with us, so it got to a point where we decided that there was nothing we could do to help her if she wasn't willing to help herself.

Within that year, we got our own apartment,full time jobs, the baby was turning into a toddler and was in day care the days we were working. She was thriving, happy, healthy, and a beautiful little girl. At this point I was being referred to as mom, because hers was not there, not for a new court date, not for one visit to spend time with her child. I was the only one she knew. I taught her how to walk, talk, I fed her, bathed her, put clothes on her back. I am, for all intents and purposes, her mom.

No back to current times lol. After almost 3 years of having full custody, the birth mom has only seen her a handful of times. Our now 4 year old only knows her by her first name. Her father and I are now engaged, we still fully support ourselves, he works full time at a better paying job, and I work part time as a teacher's aide, and we are both killing it as full time parents to now 2 beautiful children.

Sorry I went off a little off topic here lol, it's my first time blogging and I'm working on it. My beautiful 4 year old, has taught me everything I have ever dreamed about being a mom. Not only have I taught her how to be the kind, caring, smart little girl she is, she has taught me how to be the best mom I can be. Honestly I am still learning every day and so is she. She is the best big sister to her new little brother, and I can't be so proud. To this day her birth mom, still tells my fiance, that I will never be her mom because I didn't give birth to her. Which is true, I did not give birth to her, but I am more of a mom to her then she has ever experienced from her birth mom. My point is I became mom a long time ago, and my circumstances may not be like everyone else's, but it doesn't take blood to be a parent, it takes how you take care of a child. Nurture a child, show them the meaning of life, help them grow, learn, and take care of them. That's what it takes to be a parent! My journey to parenthood, is far from over, but with both of our children it feels like I have a new journey waiting for me every day.

I know I said short but believe me this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I know no one has all the time in the world to read the whole story. So here is the short version. I hope you enjoy the read and let me know your opinions!