understandingchaoss

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You guys Max is so handsome I can hardly stand it 😭😭

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I would like everyone to meet Maximus, my new licensed service dog. He is a German Shepard who is currently being housed at a ranch in San Andreas that specializes in training service dogs for individuals living with post-traumatic stress disorder. Max will now begin rigorous training now that he has found his future handler. It will take several months for him to complete training in order to become licensed, but I will be spending plenty of time with him between now and when he has completed his training and testing. Once he has completed his training and testing, he will be able to provide specific duties specified to my needs and illness and the symptoms that come from it.

I did not announce to many people, but about a year and a half ago, I began searching for an organization that would give me one. Unfortunately I ran into the problem of finding that most organizations would only train PTSD service dogs for veterans. I found myself feeling incredibly discouraged and defeated, because it made me feel like my illness was not validated just because I didn’t serve our country. To make matters worse, the only two places that allowed me to apply, both denied me. I was crushed and pretty much decided to give up. I stopped searching and tried not to think about it. Somehow by fate, last week while I was at work, a group of people came in with several German Shepards. They had harnesses on that showed they were service dogs in training. I get extremely emotional about this entire situation, but somehow managed to get the courage to ask which organization they train for. They told me it was a ranch in San Andreas. I looked into that specific ranch when I was searching but didn’t apply because it stated they only trained for veterans. However, this sweet man told me that they also trained for non-veterans, they just didn’t advertise that. The sweet man told me that be believed he could help me, and they all invited me to come on my day off to speak with them and meet some of the dogs. I went today, and they brought Max out, and we immediately bonded and connected. Max wandered around a little at first and eventually found his way over to me, plopped right down on my foot, pushed himself up against me, and looked right up at me with his sweet little eyes and I knew at that moment, that he was the one for me. I had horrible anxiety for several days leading up to this point with the fear that they would tell me they couldn’t help me because of my job or because of my illness not always being physically obvious. The sweet man offered to drop his price on Max - service dogs are extremely expensive and typically range from $25,000-$50,000 because of how highly trained they are - and make it affordable for me so that I can be Max’s handler. I will be able to take Max anywhere and everywhere with me, as he will be covered under federal law once he is licensed. He will not accompany me to work as there are too many distractions and no matter how trained Max is, it will be hard for him to work. So he will have plenty of space at home outside while I work, and will spend all other times of the day with me. He will accompany me to all other destinations including domestic travel, the cabin of airplanes, grocery stores, gas stations, banks, and anything in between. I am on top of the world right now, and quite frankly, still in shock that someone is willing to give me one. I am so happy, and so excited to see what kind of life Max will provide for me.

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Highway 50 into Lake Tahoe, CA

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Me: *pretends to be mentally stable*

Also me: *screams internally the whole time*

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“You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not worthless. You are not weak. You are not a burden. Your anxiety is lying to you.”

— (via purplebuddhaquotes)

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Northern Iceland, Day 01 - mikeseehagel.com

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“don’t double text”

i will deadass send you ten messages in a row on completely different topics

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“You are worth finding. Worth knowing. Worth loving. You and all your one million layers.”

— Unknown (via sunsetquotes)

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Lol so I made an impulsive decision in Prague a few weeks ago and them plaster Iceland and the northern lights on me 💁🏼‍♀️

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Your significant other… is a goldfish

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Tordrillo Mountains, Alaska

Prints//Instagram

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Apparently it’s been a while since I’ve been on here! 🤷🏼‍♀️ For anyone who cares, my best friend Emily is getting married in Poland, so my other best friend, Emma, and I fly out there this coming Saturday to be with her and help her with wedding plans. I’ll be making a slight detour with Emma for 3 days to go back to Prague so I can see my favorite city once again. I will be out there for the remainder of the month and I’m so excited to finally have a small break from working full time and exhausting hours. I have made incredible progress in therapy with my psychologist, and the amount of bad days I have, have decreased immensely. Shane has been the most wonderful, supportive, and loving man these last few months. I moved - in March - into my own little studio guest house on 5 acres with a river flowing through it (I don’t have WiFi there at all, so that’s part of the reason why I haven’t been active very much). It’s absolutely perfect and I have loved every minute of living by myself and having my own space after all these years with roommates. The river and song birds are all I hear when I wake up each morning. It’s given me more inspiration to continue writing. More and more of my writings have been published through The Mighty within the last few months. It’s still a shock for me to absorb that they are now out there for millions of people to read. Summer is usually when my depression gets worse, so I’m trying my best to hold onto the positive things that have been happening. My medications are working wonders for me and have been keeping my head above water. I haven’t been happy, but I have felt more feelings of happiness in the last few months than I ever have in my entire life. I’m not stable, but I have experienced more stability in the last few months than I ever have in my entire life.

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Summer days in the Alaska range. (at Alaska)

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gaia’s landing

los padres national forest, california

instagram

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Y O S E M I T E

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“Valensole“ by | Sylvia Michel